Previously on All Stars, the Queens performed a lip sync extravaganza where Alyssa finally took out a challenge after such a strong start to the season and sent Ginger Minj home, despite the perception that Katya performed the weakest.
We opened back up in the work room where Alyssa was being questioned about her decision and surprisingly gave a logical, coherent argument about Katya being the more consistent performer of the bottom two.
Obviously the mean old editors then spliced together 100s of Phi2’s grabs to make it sound like she was openly angry with Alyssa and berating Katya for staying. Damn that pesky edit making her look like a bitch!
The next day they returned to the work room where Phi2 continued her failed rudemption tour while Katya and Alyssa were sick of the shit and instead focused on the future and name checked one of my exes, the delightful Rigor Morris.
Alyssa knows it is rigor mortis, guys!
This week’s challenge was to star in parody drag shequels to Ru’s favourite films, Showgirls, Thelma & Louise and Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? giving us the majesty of
demon spawn Phi2 as Elizabeth Berkley and Alaska as Bette Davis who outshone poor Alyssa in her second turn as Joan Crawford.
More importantly, Roxxy – who is successfully completing her rudemption tour – gave us this year’s version of sequinsed in shaw, which I’ve already forgotten what she was referring to.
If Alaska’s Baby JJ wasn’t already enough to secure her the win, she used the double trouble runway theme to bring back a live action version of Lil’ Pound Cake. To which I say just give her the damn crown and send her to the other side with Chad, may she rest in peace.
Sash. Roxxy couldn’t say sash.
Anyway, after papping her mammaries Alyssa wound up in the bottom three with Roxxy and Katya, before life imitated shequel art and Alyssa was given the order to sashay away from Alaska.
Thankfully we ended with a cliffhanger with all of the eliminated queens waiting behind a mirror for revenge … while listening to Phi2 bitch about Alyssa.
As you know, I’ve know Alyssa and Coco for years after trawling the pageant circuit together. While I was the reason Alyssa was robbed of her crown and caused their feud, Alyssa is too sweet to hold a grudge and we’ve remained close ever since. It probably helped that Coco inherited the crown and not me.
Oh and my killer – and Alyssa’s true secret – Alyssausage Edwards (back) Rolls didn’t hurt my case.
Like Alyssa, these babies are packed to the brim with joy, love and a little kick. Oh and so many rolls.
Oh and congratulations on your Emmy Ru – we love you!
Alyssausage Edwards Rolls
4 sheets ready rolled puff pastry
500g beef mince
500g sausage mince
1 onion, diced
1 carrot, grated
3 cloves garlic, crushed
¼ cup finely chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
½ cup fresh breadcrumbs
1 ½ tablespoons tomato sauce
¼ cup Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon milk
Preheat oven to 180°C and thaw the puff pastry.
Combine the minces, onion, carrot, garlic, parsley, breadcrumbs and sauces with a good whack of salt and pepper.
Whisk the milk and egg together in a jug.
Lay the pastry out on the bench, slice each in half so you have 8 rectangles. Divide the mince amongst the strips, down one of the long sides, shaping into a long sausage. Brush the other side of the pastry with the egg wash and roll the pastry over on itself to enclose the filling, finishing seam side down.
Cut each strip in two and place on a lined baking tray. Brush each with the egg mixture and bake for 30 minutes, or until golden and cooked through.
Maybe don’t burn the bottoms like I did – you never want to burn a good bottom!
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