After spending years trying to bring down the Middleton clan through convincing Pippa to write a book/releasing James’ frat-boy nudes we were hoping some post-pregnancy pudge would finally give us the upper hand and get us into the Queen’s inner sanctum, where we belong.

It was truly disappointing to arrive at the Lindo wing only to find our friend Cath had already shed all the baby weight and waltzed herself home looking fresh-as-a-daisy less than 10 hours after birthing the delightful Princess Annelie Benita Diana Nigella Hilary Kate Winslet Vanilla Boring Pompous Traditional Blah Blah Blah. We had so hoped to arrive and capitalise on Cath’s pain and exhaustion through some kind of crazed cathartic release.

Not to worry! With Cath coming home skinny and gorgeous, there is only one solution – stuff her full of the most calorie-dense, artery clogging food known to man. Better yet, shove her full of two of them in glorious synchronicity. Yes, we are talking about the muffin-top inducing cookie dough cheesecake.

CheeseKate Middleton
Serves: 16

Ingredients
Cheesecake layer:
500g cream cheese, softened (we told Kate it was reduced fat but obvs wasn’t!)
1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 cup powdered sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Base layer:
2 cups plain flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup caster sugar
1 cup dark brown sugar
180g butter, softened
1 cup mini chocolate chips

Method
Heat oven to 160C. Line and grease a rectangular brownie tray.

Beat together butter, caster sugar and brown sugar until pale and thick. Sift in flour, baking powder and salt and add chocolate chips. Mix until just combined and divide mixture into thirds.

Spoon two thirds of cookie mixture into the brownie tray and gently pat to form an even base. Bake for 15 minutes.

Meanwhile, beat cream cheese, vanilla and powdered sugar together until smooth. Stir in eggs and sour cream until combined.

Pour cheesecake mixture over cookie base and top with spoonfuls of remaining cookie dough. Bake for another 25-30 minutes or until cheesecake is set and cookie dough is golden.