Leonardo DiCapsicum & Feta Dip

Condiment, Dip, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold MMXVII: Gold with the Wind, Party Food, Side, Snack

Once again we’ve come to the end of another glorious Oscar Gold celebration in honour of tomorrow’s big day. Quickly on that note – I know I normally give you live behind the scenes coverage as I walk the red carpet, try and bribe the PWC auditors/steal their briefcase, reconnect with my many ex-lovers and script doctor the hosts efforts … but Jimmy banned me from doing it this year.

Something about my inflamatory way of behaving putting me perilously close from being banned from the Academy for life.

While I am pissed, the show must go on as Hollywood needs me. Plus, you guys need to know tips for your last minute bets.

Now for the moment we’ve been waiting decades for … I was finally able to welcome my dear friend Leo DiCaps to the Oscar Gold party. While it is tragic we will no longer have sad Leo memes at every couple of Oscars, I was ecstatic to be there – live tweeting, thank you Jim – to witness Leo finally snatch the statue after years in the Oscars’ bridesmaid wilderness.

I first met Leo on the set of his first film Critters 3 where we became fast friends of the mutual disappointment we felt for our co-stars. It was on that set that I decided to take him under my wing and help him reach the heights of fame.

I think it is no coincidence that he received his first unsuccessful Oscar nom less than two years later. Leo – and the wider world – you’re welcome.

Being a newly minted Best Actor winner, Leo and I giddily got to work discussing the odds for both the male categories. He agreed that Casey Affleck’s melancholic beauty in Manchester by the Sea deserves the glory … but it extremely concerned that Julia Robert’s will be loving her life again with Denzel pipping him at the post for a loud performance.

To be honest, if anyone is pipping Casey, it should be Viggo … but anyway.

Over in Best Supporting it is essentially a one horse race with there being no way in hell anyone is beating Mahershala Ali. Though I said that about Trump’s Presidency, so who knows?

Given that we both have suits to fit into tomorrow – as Leo asked me to attend as his date – I quickly whipped up a fresh Leonardo DiCapsicum & Feta Dip to mark the first anniversary of him breaking his Oscars drought.

 

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Creamy, tart and completely delicious. This dip is super easy to make and even easier to eat.

Enjoy!

 

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Leonardo DiCapsicum & Feta Dip
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
2 red capsicums, halved, deseeded, chargrilled and peeled
2 garlic cloves, roasted and thinly sliced
1–2 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil
250g feta
1 shallot, finely chopped
pinch of chilli flakes
pinch of smoked paprika
salt and black pepper, to taste
crusty baguette, Turkish bread or crackers, to serve

Method
Combine all the ingredients in a food processor.

Blitz.

Devour.

 

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Sofia Coppo’boyla

Main, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold MMXVII: Gold with the Wind, Snack

Another day of our Oscar Gold celebrations, another catch-up with a Best OG Screenplay winner. But I mean, my girl Sofia is Hollywood royalty and really should have some Best Director and Best Picture wins under her belt … so she is pretty much the perfect person to run most of the outstanding odds.

As you know, I am a dear, close personal friend of the Coppola-Schwartzman-Cage Dynasty and as such have known Sof since she was knee high to a pig’s eye!

I was even the one to suggest to Fran-Ford to cast her in The Godfather Part III, which in retrospect I should apologise to all involved … but that is beside the point, you know.

Thankfully Sof was quick to bounce back from my (horrific) career advice and quickly turned herself into the auteur we know now. I mean, between The Virgin Suicides, Lost in Translation and Marie Antoinette, she creates beautiful languid films of substance, lead by strong women.

Basically, I love her. So damn much. And that isn’t just because she made a movie about my crime spree in Bev Hills back in the day.

I’m pretty sure I mentioned being part of The Bling Ring before, right?

That being said, my girl has been hella busy with The Beguiled so we haven’t been able to connect recently so it was such a treat to get together and discuss the Oscars … which we are hopeful she will have a strong showing at next year.

Anywho, I know you came for the odds so let’s get to them first. Sof agrees that the Screenplay gongs will go to Moonlight and Manchester by the Sea … because La La Land’s best writing came in the form of its music which will take Best Score and Original Song along with Cinematography, Editing, Sound Editing, Sound Mixing, Production Design, Director and Actress on its way to Best Picture.

Oh and obviously if we are wrong about the technical categories … it is fake news, ok? Because let’s be honest Arrival will probably take most of those. Maybe it isn’t fake news if I hedge my bets?

Ok – I’m hella confused, so I’m off to prep for tomorrow’s big guest, so why not head to the kitchen and whip up a delicious Sofia Coppo’boyla while you wait.

 

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Spicy, warm and delicious with the addition of the comfort of bread, these Po’Boys are everything I want from those creole creations without the addition of the mucus of the sea.

Because oysters are grosse, long live chicken ok!

Enjoy!

 

sofia-coppoboyla-2

 

Sofia Coppo’boyla
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g chicken breast
1 cup panko breadcrumbs
salt and pepper, to taste
1 tbsp Cajun seasoning, plus ½ tsp extra for the sauce
1 egg, whisked
1 cup mayonnaise
3 tbsp Dijon mustard
1 tbsp hot sauce
1 tbsp sweet pickle juice
1 tbsp smoked paprika
1 tsp prepared horseradish
2 cloves garlic, finely diced
4 small baguettes, sliced in half leaving a join at the edge
half a small iceberg lettuce, shredded
3 tomatoes, sliced
4 hot and spicy pickles, thinly sliced

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C and cut up the chicken into bite sized pieces.

Combine the breadcrumbs with a good whack of salt and pepper and the tablespoon of cajun seasoning. Dip the chicken into the egg and toss through the spiced breadcrumbs to thoroughly coat. Transfer to a lined baking sheet and cook for twenty minutes, or until golden and cooked through.

While the chicken is baking, combine the mayonnaise, mustard, hot sauce, pickle juice, paprika, horseradish, garlic cloves and remaining cajun seasoning in a jug. Add salt and pepper to taste and leave to chill in the fridge and let the flavours mature.

When the chicken is done, brush the inside of the bread with some butter or oil and place in the oven to crisp for a couple of minutes.

Remove the rolls, smear generously with sauce, top with lettuce, tomato, pickles, chicken and another drizzle of sauce.

Devour.

 

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Alan Meatballs

Main, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold MMXVII: Gold with the Wind, Poultry, Snack

Ok, so full disclosure – I didn’t really think about category diversity when organising this year’s soiree. For that, I am sorry … but also, not sorry – these people are my friends and you’ll just have to accept that we’ll be spending a lot of time discussing the screenwriting categories.

Adding to my flock of seagullsscreenwriters is my dear friend, Best OG Screenplay winner and – of course – ex-lover Alan Ball.

I first met Al whilst working on Cybill – him writing, me as part of Chrissie B’s entourage – and our attraction was instantaneous. After a torrid affair, I broke things off assuming he would amount to nothing – I don’t admit it often but I was wrong. He was obviously heartbroken and injected his pain into a little known screenplay called American Beauty.

Yes, you’re welcome – I inspired the classic film.

After seeing that I was wrong I tried to grovel my way back into his heart – well I don’t know if I grovelled but I definitely recall being on my knees – and the Oscars. While he sadly declined my offer to rekindle our romance and we’ve helped each other creatively ever since.

Fun fact: I’m the one who inspired him to cast Skarsy in True Blood. Again, you’re welcome.

Now for the most important part of the event – oh, after catching up with my dear friend obvs – Al agreed that Manchester by the Sea will take out Best OG and Moonlight will take out Best Adapted Screenplay … though Lion and Arrival are worthy challengers.

Given my love of Alan and (his) balls, there was no way I was going to whip up anything other than my Alan Meatballs.

 

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You know I love balls as much as Jenna Maroney but these minimally altered lil’ Meatball Shop numbers are as pure perfection as Skarsky (obvi NSFW). Big, thick and juicy, they are everything you want in and around your mouth and are absolutely exploding with flavour.

Enjoy!

 

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Alan Meatballs
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
a good lug of olive oil
500g chicken mince
1 egg
¼ cup breadcrumbs
¼ cup parsley, roughly chopped
30ml white wine
2 cloves garlic, finely minced
1 tbsp salt
1 tsp ground fennel
1 tsp ground chilli
a generous whack of freshly ground black pepper

Method
Preheat the oven to 200°C and line a baking sheet with baking paper.

Combine all the ingredients – excluding the olive oil – in a large bowl and scrunch together in your hands.

Roll the mixture into a golf ball size, packing firmly as you go. You will need to wet your hands frequently as you go to smooth out the edges. Place on the sheet and repeat until done – you should end up with a dozen balls.

Place into the oven and bake for twenty, or until firm and crisp. Allow to rest for a few minutes before serving with your favourite salad or as sliders … and devouring.

 

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Pumpkim Basinger Soup

Main, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold MMXVII: Gold with the Wind, Side, Snack, Soup, Vegetarian

While I like to let the lesser celebrity categories shine, I know why you drop by for Oscar Gold and that is my extreme proximity to the A-list.

And there is no one more A-list than my dear gal-pal and past Best Supporting Actress Winner, Kim Basinger.

I first met Kim through her ex-husband – and my ex/oft-lover Alec – but her kind heart and sassy nature won me over and I actually grew closer to her during their split. Thus leaking the pig-daughter tapes.

Kim and I haven’t been able to catch-up lately what with her doing the publicity rounds for Fifty Shades of I-Won’t-Show-My-Peen-and-This-Is-A-Waste-of-Your-Time, so it was such a treat to sit down and chat about the most important categories – Best Supporting and Best Actress.

Given the fact that I have a temper similar to Al’s, Kim was a bit scared to engage in any major disputes so we both landed on Viola for Supporting, despite the fact that she agreed that the previously insufferable Nicky Kid turned in such a beautiful performance that echoed her life and made you love her that it should be her taking out the crown over V’s always consistent scenery chewing.

Also … surely Mish Wills needs an overdue win sometime soon. And the post first scene was damn perfection.

She also agreed that Emma Stone was a lock because she is my friend and was cast in the musical whilst starring in Cabaret – which I saw and critiqued her in – bringing her luck. Though that being said, Isabelle Huppert is the most likely to upset any of the favourites on the night.

So yeah, discussions were robust meaning we needed something hearty that also hugged your soul like my Pumpkim Basinger Soup.

 

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Earthy, spiced and warm, this is pumpkin soup isn’t what you’d get in a can. In a good way, obvi.

All the veggies are baked first giving a depth of flavour and sweetness that is perfectly cut through by a whack of herbs and a smack of chilli. Dis good, dis real good, ok?

Enjoy!

 

pumpkim-basinger-soup-2

 

Pumpkim Basinger Soup
Serves: 100 people aka all the Baldwins … or maybe just 12 people?

Ingredients
1.5kg butternut pumpkin, cut into 3cm dice
4 cloves garlic, peeled
2 carrots, diced
2 onions, roughly chopped
2 potatoes, roughly chopped
4 pieces celery, roughly chopped
olive oil
1 tbsp dried chilli
salt and pepper, to taste
1 tbsp maple syrup, optional
bunch of sage
1L chicken stock
1 cup cream

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Place all the veggies – and realistically you could use anything you had in the fridge, capsicum is a great addition to be honest – on a lined baking sheet (or two), drizzle with olive oil and chilli, season and bake until golden and tender. About half an hour.

Once the veg are ready, transfer to a large pot, drizzle with maple syrup, add the sage leaves and fry over medium heat for a minute, reduce to low pour in the stock and simmer, stirring sporadically, for about fifteen minutes to half an hour, or until all the veggies are tender and your kitchen is smelling amazing.

Remove the pot from the heat and allow to cool for five-ten minutes and blitz thoroughly yet carefully with a stick blender until smooth and glorious. Return to low heat, stir through the cream and coook until heated through.

Serve – immediately if you like to risk burning all the skin in your mouth – and top with a drizzle of cream and some chopped sage, if you are patient enough, and devour.

 

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Pedro Almoturnóvar

Baking, Dessert, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold MMXVII: Gold with the Wind, Side, Snack, Sweets

Para el segundo día de Oscar Gold, sabía que sólo podía celebrar una persona con mi querido amigo Pedro Almodóvar.

Oh – sorry, sometimes I forget I speak 1 ⅞ (combined total of four different) languages. What a smartie pants!

Anywho, for those who can’t be bothered popping that into Google Translate – like I needed to to fill in the gaps of the sentence – I knew that there was only one person I could spend the second day of Oscar Gold with, my dear friend, director, screenwriter and icon of Spanish cinema, Pedro Almodóvar.

I first met Peds while working together at Telefónica and we quickly fell in love and I began to ride his coattails to renewed fame and fortune. Oh, I should probably clarify, I had fled to Spain and pursued a career as an escort under an assumed identity … to avoid being deported from the US.

Upon first meeting I knew Peds was destined for greatness and the muse part of me knew that I needed to inspire him, resulting in the one-two punch of Law of Desire and Woman on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown. While our relationship didn’t work out, I have always maintained my muse status in his heart.

Given the success of his last movie Julieta, it has been hard to pin down Peds for a catch-up but thankfully he knew it was vital to drop by and run the odds on his previous categories – Best OG Screenplay (they officially change the award to this name in 2023) and Best Foreign Language Film.

Despite the fact that The Salesman is my preference to take out Best Foreign Language Film, Peds being polite old Peds is backing the little Australian gem Tanna. Best OG Screenplay was decidedly more complex – we both loved Hell or High Water and 20th Century Women, but know that this is firmly a two horse race for La La Land and Manchester by the Sea.

We argued back and forth for hours until agreeing that is La La Land goes on to scoop the pool as expected, this is probably going to be a lock for Kenneth Lonergan’s heartbreaker.

Or we’ll both be wrong and the Academy won’t give the screenwriter gongs to Moonlight and Manchester and will instead opt to break the Oscars record with La La Land – oh and FYI, as a director he is baking Damien Chazelle – I mean, if there is one thing Hollywood loves more than anything else, it is Hollywood.

Me and Peds? Well, we love a simple and sweet Pedro Almoturnóvar.

 

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Now I know using store bought puff pastry is cheating but puff is the most difficult of the pastries and I’m not ready to attempt it and fail yet.

Plus, it is hella convenient and given how busy I am with prepping for the weekend ahead and what I’m going to wear/who I’m going to do, I needed something that I could quickly wrap my sweet, tart and altogether delicious raspberry, chocolate and almond filling.

Enjoy!

 

pedro-almoturnóvar-2

 

Pedro Almoturnóvar
Makes: 16.

Ingredients
¼ cup raspberry jam
½ cup raspberries
½ dark chocolate, roughly chopped
¼ cup slivered almonds, lightly toasted
4 frozen puff pastry sheets, thawed
1 egg, lightly whisked

Method
Preheat the oven to 190°C.

Combine the jam, raspberries, chocolate and almonds in a bowl and give a good stir.

Lay out the sheets of puff pastry and cut each into four squares. Place a generous tablespoon in a corner of each little square – leaving a centimetre around the edge – and brush the edges with a little bit of egg. Press and pleat the edges to seal, pushing out as much air as possible.

Place all the turnovers on a lined baking sheet, brush with egg wash and baking for about 20 minutes or until golden and crisp.

Devour.

 

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Waffadele Burger

Main, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold MMXVII: Gold with the Wind, Party Food

So speaking of Beyonce – one woman’s curse via recipe is another woman’s gain … and that woman making the gains was none other than my dear frenemy Adele.

Uggggghhhhhhhh. And contrary to what some may think of me, that wasn’t a shady comment about weight. Glass houses and all, you know?

Also let me start by saying that firstly, I love Adele … but the slag can fucking drink me under the table and I hate to lose – particularly if said competition I am losing is based on alcohol consumption – so as such, she is more frenemy than friend.

Plus – she keeps winning things and Jesus loves winners and if she is winning, maybe sometimes that means I’m losing. Which is terrible.

Anyway the ol shagger has not only won a shit tonne of Grammys but is also the proud owner of an Academy Award for Best Original Song which is, quite possibly, my favourite category (because when I’m nominated in 7 years, I get to perform the song on stage the same night I win 15 awards).

I should probably tell you about my past with Adele though, shouldn’t I? I first met Adsy ten years ago when I stumbled upon her busking on the tube or something – I was big into bath salts at the time so don’t remember much. I do remember she had talent though and took her under my wing and decided I would one day make her a d-list star to rival Kathy Griffin (read: they are both red(ish)heads).

Halfway through my tutelage of her I sobered up and realised that she is just someone that is skilled at writing sad music and holding notes – I must remember to see Chris Martin one day soon – and told her that she should give up on her dreams, lest she wanted my forehead to chase itself into the pavement.

It inspired her hit song and gave her a career … but did I get any thanks? No. Which is another reason we are frenemies. I also inspired her Oscar winning song Skyfall – it was about balls and is meant to be part of Lil Whorephan Andy – but that is another story for another time.

As much as I’ve complained about Ads, it was such a treat to see her and her 6000 new Grammys and to discuss something she is far less skilled at, the world of celebrity and the Holy Grail of awards ceremonies.

Lucky for this year’s race for Best Original Song is a two horse-one batch of nominees race between the two nominated hits from La La Land. I mean sure, in any other year Lin Manuel would be polishing the EGOT label on his future tombstone … but La La Land was a gem celebrating old Hollywood that was also more cerebral than most people give it credit for, meaning it is pretty much unbeatable in this category above all else. And even Adele can see that.

I mean, it is a musical for christ sake – we can ignore that Another Day in the Sun and Someone in the Crowd are infinitely superior songs.

We both agreed that City of Stars is the safest bet for the gong and that a Waffadele Burger is the perfect feed for such robust debate.

And drinking.

 

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I know, I know – a waffle burger is gimmicky … but this one is pure perfection. I mean it is a copycat Big Mac, served on waffles. It is a better McGangbang than the McGangbang and dipping fries into a sundae.

I’d tell you to enjoy but I know there is no getting around it! Now off to greet my fave writer/director …

 

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Waffadele Burger
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1/2 cup mayonnaise
2 tbsp French dressing
1 tbsp sweet gherkin relish
1 onion, finely minced – ½ for the sauce, ½ for the burgers
1 tsp white vinegar
1 tsp sugar
½ tsp smoked paprika
1 tsp garlic powder
500g beef mince
salt and pepper, to taste
12 waffle *Spoiler alert* aka 12 waffles, I don’t mind if you buy … for now
cooking oil of your choosing
iceberg lettuce, roughly chopped
8 slices American cheese
pickles, thinly sliced

Method
Combine the mayo through garlic powder in a small bowl with a good season, stir and place in the fridge to chill.

Meanwhile squeeze out excess moisture (read: blood) from the mince and transfer to a bowl. Season generously, combine with your hands and shape into eight balls and flatten to make thin patties. Leave to rest while you heat up a large skillet over high heat.

While that is happening, start toasting the waffles in a toaster and transferring to a plate.

When the skillet is nice and hot, reduce heat to medium, brush with some cooking oil and cook the patties for a minute or two each side. Transfer to a plate and repeat until they are done.

To assemble, place a waffle on a plate, smear generously with special sauce, top with a pinch of the reserved chopped onion, add the lettuce, top with a slice of cheese and a pattie, followed by the centre waffle. Then smear with sauce, top with onion, lettuce, a few pickle slices, cheese – because I believe it needs two slices – the pattie and another waffle.

Push down, grab in one hand – if you can, Ads and I have big hands like Donald Trump, obvi – and devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Tumblr.

Oscar Gold MMXVII: Gold with the Wind

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold MMXVII: Gold with the Wind

Can you believe that the most wonderful day of the year – outside of Treat. Yo. Self. Day – is almost upon us again?

It feels like only yesterday that my girl Brie was taking the stage to win Best Actress … and this year it looks like another of my dear girlfriends, Em Stone, will take out the prize.

Unless of course I curse her like I did Beyonce at the Grammys – soz Bey!

Off topic but listen up ladies, if you want a shot at winning next year’s Best Actress award you better hope you’re my friend and have displayed our relationship on the blog.

Anyway, I’m thrilled to be sharing Oscar Gold with you for a third year in a row. I am so excited, it is only the A++ list this year and you are going to be so Gold with the Wind!

Image source: Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

LIVE BLOG: The 88th Annual Academy Awards – Oscars 2016

Live Blog, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold MMXVI: Gold Interrupted, TV Recap

9:00 PST
Coming in just on time – God has (ironically enough) presented Spotlight with the Best Picture gong … proving, once again, that I am psychic!

Well done to all the winners, most of you my closest friends – can’t wait to catch-up soon!

8:59 PST
Classic Leo – class and causes, well done … I’ll ignore the fact you’re the only person not to be played off.

8:54 PST
Harvey Weinstein will be devastated he blew his money trying to continue the Loser Leo memes.

Well done Leo, you beautiful bastard – it truly has been too long!

The standing ovation is going to push this thing overtime.

8:47 PST
Brie is such a doll and I desperately need to catch-up with her ASAP.

I am so sad Room won’t win Best Picture.

8:44 PST
Best Actress and my psychic ability is safe.

Let me beat Eddie to it – congratulations Brie!

8:39 PST
And The Revenant is making a comeback at the expense of my psychic ability and poor little Georgie.

It is deserved and I love him, but I decided I am going with Aussie pride an hour or so ago, so am now sad.

8:37 PST
We are back to checking my psychic ability with the presentation of Best Director …

8:27 PST
Ugh, as much as I hate Sam Smith, Kate Winslet’s fist-pumping makes the win tolerable.

And his shout-out to the LGBT community is always a win … despite him not being anywhere close to being the first openly gay man to win an Oscar.

8:24 PST
OG song – can The Weeknd shame D-Bag Foster?

8:23 PST
My boy Quincy is in the house – I really need to catch-up with him soon!

He is presenting Best Original Score, again something I win in 2036. This year, it was taken out by The Hateful Eight, bagging dear Ennio Morricone his first competitive Oscar.

8:13 PST
Ok … but she can sing.

8:10 PST
Joe was bide-n his time with me in the green room while we discussed future policies and HRC’s odds on Super Tuesday.

He begged me to get involved with this year’s election, so stay tuned.

Back to the Oscars though, Lady Gaga’s transition to the film and television industry is fetch … in that it is not going to happen (if I can stop it … K DUNST FOREVER).

8:09 PST
Who am I kidding? Sofia Vergara is charming enough to get away with Travolta-ing a name. But she won’t, because she is a boss.

Well done to Son of Sa-ool. I jinxed her, didn’t I. At least hers is because of an accent, amirite Adele Dazeem?

8:06 PST
Bringing the adorable pre-teen charm, Jacob and Abraham are back to present Best Live Action Short Film.

They are probably the only people that could get away with Travolta-ing a name tonight.

Off topic, Jacob is giving me Room flashbacks and now I’m more depressed than In Memoriam and Bing Bong’s (snubbed) suicide combined.

Well done to the team behind Stutterer.

7:59 PST
I just counted at least 20 exes in the In Memoriam segment.

Oh, and Bing Bong was excluded.

7:54 PST
Chez is here and is giving a rousing speech about equality – I can’t even make jokes about her.

7:50 PST
Gena, Spike and my love, Debbie fucking Reynolds are here and I couldn’t be happier.

7:43 PST
Amy
, as I knew, has taken out Best Documentary Feature.

It was presented by the girl who stole my role in the new Star Wars film and the babe who Judi Dench hooked me up with on the set of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.

7:40 PST
Louis C.K. is here to present Best Documentary Short and is acknowledging that this is the most meaningful of the awards, sorry Leo.

Well done to the team behind A Girl in the River: The Price of Forgiveness.

Sharmeen, we need to catch-up soon!

7:32 PST
Um … what? I can’t believe I got one wrong. Mark was very deserving and I love him (I was a fluffer on Intimacy), but we missed the chance to struggle through another Sly speech!

7:28 PST
Patty has arrived, so that means only one thing – Best Supporting Actor.

Hopefully they invested in some subtitles for Sly.

7:15 PST
I am back to being shocked that The Weeknd is the sole nominee from 50 Shades of Grey.

7:12 PST
And now shocking nobody, Inside Out has won the Oscar for Best Animated Feature.

RIP Bing Bong – I will protest if you’re excluded from the In Memoriam segment.

7:08 PST
I am shocked Mad Max didn’t win for Best Animated Short.

Bear Story looks cute though, I just feel Mad Max was more deserving.

7:06 PST
I requested pizza, but cookies purchased for me by countless ex-lovers is pretty damn good.

7:03 PST
Guess it is time to end my feud with Shonda.

7:00 PST
Jason Segel and Olivia Munn are an odd pair, until you realise they aren’t – I am trying for a threesome later.

Hopefully they have caught the Aussie fever too?

6:55 PST
Serkis presented Ex Machina with the win for Visual Effects, meaning Mad Max has another person who can feel awkward about not winning.

In positive news, Mad Max has officially become the most awarded film of the 88th Annual Academy Awards … an hour and a half into the seventeen hour broadcast.

6:54 PST
My ex-lover Andy Serkis is on stage. I had a Gollum fetish and when he was out of the motion-capture suit, he lost his appeal.

6:52 PST
Sound Mixing? Yep … Mad Max.

I am totally picking up tonight, Hollywood is loving Aussies.

The Revenant is 1 from 7, Mad Max is 6 from 7. Awkward for their Cinematographer, amirite?

6:49 PST
Sorry, I should reiterate … I am psychic.

Fun fact: The Revenant are currently 1 for 6.

6:48 PST
Sound Editing, another subject I know nothing about but win an Oscar for in 2036 (I win 13 individual awards and go down in history).

I’m going out on a limb and announcing Mad Max before they do.

6:47 PST
Chris is doing a great job … but I would love for him to spring for a pizza like Ellen.

6:41 PST
Editing gives Mad Max its fourth win for the evening.

I think Stacey Dash was a joke. Whether she was in on it, is questionable.

6:37 PST
So while they give out the Achievement in Cinematography Award to The Revenant (finally getting on the board tonight), I’m going to continue looking into whether the Stacey Dash bit was a joke.

I’m really concerned guys and you should be too.

6:27 PST
Make-up and hairstyling have made it an early hat-trick for Mad Max. Glad my fellow Gold Coast girl Margot was able to bring them some more Aussie pride.

Wake me when George is on stage or robbed by Alejandro (whom I love, despite the below slight.

6:24 PST
Jenny Beavan has taken out Best Costume design and I noticed Alejandro giving her side eye for the jacket I designed.

I am crushed.

I have no idea what exactly Production Design is, but I win the Oscar for it in 2036. I assume I am mentored by tonight’s winners, Colin Gibson and Lisa Thompson?

6:18 PST
Cate is on stage so I’m currently in the green room looking for booze, giving Chris a pep talk and just being a dominant force of nature.

I wish you got to experience the glamour, it is great!

6:13 PST
I feel like the scrolling ‘Thank you’ section isn’t actually cutting the speeches down?

6:12 PST
Best Supporting Actress time, welcome to the Oscar winner club Alicia! For the record, I’m currently 3 for 3.

6:06 PST
My falsetto is better. Also, why are they cropping me out of frame whenever they show Cate?

6:02 PST
Sam Smith is singing and once again, I am yawning.

I’m ducking out for a Double Double, be back soon.

6:00 PST
Um, was the Stacey Dash bit meant to be a joke?

5:51 PST
Adapted Screenplay is up with Ryan Gosling continuing his run as a comedian.

And Anchorman‘s snubbing is redeemed – well done, The Big Short!

5:46 PST
First award of the night is up, Original Screenplay. I win this in 2036 for Little Whorephan Andy.

Well done, Spotlight!

5:36 PST
I added the Jada jokes – she knows what she did.

5:32 PST
Chris is looking great and is going to do such a great job.

Remember when I helped with the script?

5:28 PST
It’s show time!

5:15 PST
Leo and Kate are adorable. On that note, he could have fit and Rose is a murderer.

Lady Gaga looks good and I think that is more disappointing than the fact that she is a nominee tonight.

5:05 PST
Fassbender looks great but makes me want to nap. Not just because of Shame.

My nemesis Reece Witherspoon looks good and that makes me sad.

4:55 PST
Rachel McAdams is beautiful in emerald, reminding us that she was robbed for Mean Girls.

Julie Moore is confusing me in Chanel.

4:41 PST
Heidi Klum is terrifying in my mother’s 90s sheer curtains, with some added side boob.

4:33 PST
Now returning down-under, Cate Blanchett’s gown is a floral ode to my bird phobia, sea foam, scary and stunning. 5 stars.

Naomi Watts is beautifully dressed as navy fish, again, in a good way.

Meanwhile in the northern hemisphere, Tilda SwintonSandy Powell is currently winning Best Dressed coming in costume as David Bowie.

4:24 PST
Bryan Cranston is breaking me, bad, in his tux.

4:17 PST
Margot Robbie slaying the carpet, putting the gold in Gold Coast girl.

Rooney Mara bringing the skin and killing it.

Best Actress (soon-to-be)winner Brie Larson has arrived in a stunning Gucci gown, with accessories styled by Sylvester Stallone in character as Rocky.

Jacob Tremblay is reportedly infuriated by her slight.

4:07 PST
Olivia Munn looking exquisite in Stella McCartney. Classic, simple, perfect – 5 stars.

4:05 PST
Common has just arrived in an #OscarsSoWhite tux by D&G.

4:00 PST
Eddie Redmayne, looking to claim back-to-back Best Actor trophies, is looking dapper on the red carpet in Alexander McYasQueen.

I know where I want to find his fantastic beast later tonight – 4.5 stars.

3:55 PST
Saoirse Ronan who I trained to be a horrible person for Atonement has hit the red carpet and is being charming – I have no idea what she is saying, but I love her so I don’t care.

Looking stunning in an Irish green custom Calvin – 4 stars.

3:51 PST
Olivia Wilde, whom I met and became close with on the set of The O.C. has just arrived on the red carpet in Valentino.

She has described it as fun, I describe it as a glamorous version of a fireman’s outfit (think Samantha in the fire house in SATC) crossed with nipple-tape.

3:35 PST
Whoopi has hit the carpet, looking stunning. Sadly the banana shoes didn’t make the cut.

3:33 PST
Jacob Tremblay is literally the only person shorter than Seacrest.

By a matter of inches.

3:30 PST
Sofia Vergara looks like a dignified version of tit soup in the Playboy episode of Sex and the City.

That is meant as a compliment – 3.5 stars.

3:27 PST
Scrap that – hope her publicist is giving her the 50 bucks for making her turn on me.

If she doesn’t win, this will start a feud – mark my words.

3:23 PST
Best Supporting Actress front runner Alicia Vikander just earned 50 bucks by snubbing Seacrest in her beautiful Louis Vuitton gown – 4 stars.

Such a great person to have in my squad!

3:21 PST
Sam Smith – yawn. Go to In’n’Out.

3:16 PST
My divine friend Mindy Kaling is envious of my busy schedule today – she too will enjoy success one day, I am sure.

She is looking anything but disgust-ing on the red carpet though!

3:11 PST
My ex-collaborator Adam McKay has just arrived and is totally banging.

Will The Academy make up for snubbing him for the Anchorman saga?

Hot tip: Aaron and I think he will win for his screenplay for The Big Short.

3:01 PST
Gena Rowlands is here and is such a doll and her lifetime achievement award is so well deserved.

We first met on the set of A Woman Under the Influence, where I taught her how to be under the influence.

2:50 PST
Thank you for joining the carpet Independent Spirit Award winner, Abraham Attah from Beasts of No Nation!

He is 30 years Seacrest’s junior, but 2 feet taller.

2:47 PST
So I forgot how much of a snooze the early part of the red carpet was. Between Dickie trying to kiss me and Gu handing out markers to colour in her gown, I am so bored.

Please follow me on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+, and give me a reason to look at my phone and avoid chit chat with these people!

2:41 PST
Brad and Ange’s kids drew the flowers on Giuliana Rancic’s dress. Two stars.

2:36 PST
Richard Wilkins just tried to make out with me. Um, Richard, we haven’t done that in like four years.

Can people start arriving so this gets less awkward?

2:31
PST
Best part of working the red carpet? Looking tall by standing near Ryan Seacrest. Tonight he is dressed by Pumpkin Patch.

2:27 PST
We are live! We are betting on Cate and Brie tying for best dressed – Cate looks stunning (I am her date) and Brie looked great at the fitting I attended with her. I wonder how Seacrest will offend them?

Sly will look like a total babe.

What are your predictions?


 

Happy Oscars day everyone!

Hollywood’s night of nights is finally upon us and a new batch of recipients are about to be awarded one of the world’s highest honours – don’t even try and pretend that this isn’t true.

As I announced on Friday, I’m trying something new to Fame Hungry – the 88th Annual Academy Awards live blog, providing you with the insider gossip from an industry stalwart and close friend of 99% of The Academy.

I don’t mean to gloat or make you feel lazy, but this blogging effort will be amongst my numerous commitments for the day, which include but are not limited to, hosting the red carpet specials on E!, Bravo, ABC, Retirement Living, Dish Nation, The CW and Briz 31, styling Richard Wilkins’ hair for the Australian Today show, acting as Ruffalo’s double when the ceremony starts to drag, attending as Cate’s date and doctoring Chris’ script from the green room.

I will also be feuding with Gugu-B Rancid, but who isn’t?

So strap in and keep your mouse close to the refresh button as I take you inside the Oscars!

Image source: The Academy.

Shirliders MacLaine

Main, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold MMXVI: Gold Interrupted, Party Food, Snack

To finish off my pre-Oscar celebrations – aka Oscar Gold week – I’ve got to go with one of my oldest, figuratively and literally, and zaniest fellow Academy Award winning friends – Shirls.

And hurly burly what a girly my dear Shirley MacLaine is!

I’ve long been a family friend of the MacLaine-Beatty’s after meeting Shirl in NY in the 50s where I was turning tricks and being a stand-over man around the time Babs made it big. Shirl needed a favour bumping off the actress she was understudying, so I assisted in taking her out by breaking her ankle which went on to inspire both Tonya Harding’s attack on Nancy Kerrigan and the movie Showgirls.

That also contributed to my time in the clink in the 60s.

As I had learnt not to rat out my friends long ago, I kept her involvement quiet and was thrilled to watch her success from the sidelines before reconnecting in the 70s and subsequently became her go-to Oscars date due to my dashing looks and raging homosexuality.

As both Shirls and I are 30-40% psychic, it was less of a discussion about the winners (I spent a lot of time asking about her casting in the live action Little Mermaid film) and more about reading the lettuce leaves left on our plate from my Shirliders MacLaine.

 

shirliders-maclaine-1

 

Burgers are arguably my favourite food … but sliders are better. I mean, why have one large burger when you can have 47 mini burgers? As they are tiny, it means you’re not gluttonous!

Enjoy … particularly while you watch Spotlight, Inside Out, George, Leo, Brie, Alicia and my lover, man I’ve body-doubled for and dialect coach Syl take home their Oscars.

Oh – did I mention I am hosting seven separate red-carpet specials (take THAT Rancid), attending as Mark Ruffalo’s seat-double (I need to talk more about my extensive career as a double) and Cate’s date while also live blogging and tweeting (so fucking hip, is this 2008?) the entire thing on Sunday/Monday, timezone dependant?

You should bookmark the page or something and join me while I spill the inside goss and roast the jokers I call my filthy frenemies.

 

shirliders-maclaine-2

 

Shirliders MacLaine
Serves: 1 after the red carpet season ends, without judgement.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
salt
pepper
1 onion, finely diced
6-8 streaky bacon rashers, sliced to fit the rolls
150g sharp cheese or your choosing, sliced
iceberg lettuce (down with haters), finely diced
tomatoes, sliced
american mustard
ketchup
mayo
slider rolls (I went with the Briocher Bünsberg and just made them smaller, but not small enough)
olive oil

Method
Squeeze as much liquid (read: blood) from the mince as possible, aiming to avoid squirting it in your eye as that is foul and painful, and place it in a medium bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper.

With you hands, scrunch the mixture until it starts to come together. Break into 8-12 patties, depending on how big you like your sliders/made your buns. Place on a lined plate, cover and refrigerate for an hour or so.

Heat a lug of olive oil in a small saucepan over low heat and sweat the onions until soft, sweet and caramelised.

When ready to devour, over high heat, heat a large frying pan, griddle or barbecue, whichever you prefer. When hot, reduce to low, halve the buns and fry the open sides until toasty and golden.

Wipe out any crumbs and fry bacon until crisp and remove to some papertowel. Place patties on the hot pan/griddle/barbecue, flatten with a spatula and drizzle each with about ½ tsp of mustard. After a minute or so, flip the patties, watching for spitting mustard (which hurts like hell), and place a slice of cheese on top to melt. Cook for a further minute or so, depending on your tastes, and remove from the heat.

To assemble the sliders, butter the bottom of the buns with a generous smear of mayo, top with bacon, some caramelised onions, a slice of tomato, some iceberg lettuce and the molten hot cheesy, mustard patties, a squirt of ketchup if you want, and who doesn’t, before topping with the rest of the bun.

Serve with sweet potato fries on a large platter and gorge, with or without friends.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Aaron Porkin Cabbage Dumplings

Main, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold MMXVI: Gold Interrupted, Party Food, Snack

As a ramblin’ man, prone to long monologues at anyone that will listen with the speedy caffeinated talking style of the Gilmore Girls, you just know I am a close friend with Aaron Sorkin.

I first met Sorki in the late 90s when he hired me as to act as his sports advisor on the set of his new show Sports Night. Given our mutual love of fast-paced talking, the bond we shared was instant and we have been working together ever since with me doctoring all of his major scripts.

Well except for The Social Network as I was banned from the set due to my arrests for stalking JT and the consulting Winklevii twins.

This year’s crop of screenplay nominees are largely first time nominees, allowing us to really get into a wordy discussion on the merits of each picture without touching the elephant in the room that is his snubbing for the Steve Jobs script – he likely blames my doctoring, I blame everything but myself because well #OscarsSoStraight too.

When engaging in spirited and verbose discussion, it is important to make sure you have a meal that is both hearty and light – that is where my Aaron Porkin Cabbage Dumplings come in!

 

aaron-porkin-cabbage-dumplings-1

 

Packed full of fresh ingredients, the flavours combine to give you an all together delicious blob of meat wrapped in a light, spongy dough. So, you know, the basic, undignified definition of what a dumpling is.

Enjoy!

 

aaron-porkin-cabbage-dumplings-2

 

Aaron Porkin Cabbage Dumplings
Makes: 48.

Ingredients
4 tsp finely grated fresh ginger
4 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 ½ cup coarsely chopped wombok
500g pork mince
4 shallots, trimmed, thinly sliced
2 tbsp tamari
1 tbsp caster sugar
1 tbsp sesame oil
1 tbsp cooking sake
48 gow gee wrappers
1 ½ tbsp vegetable oil, extra
⅔ cup water, extra

Method
Combine ginger and garlic, cabbage, pork, shallots, tamari, sugar, sesame oil, sake and a good whack of salt and pepper.

Place a wrapper on a clean work surface. Place about2 tsps of pork mixture in the centre of the wrapper, brush edges with water and fold over to enclose, pinching the edges together. Place on a tray lined with non-stick baking paper. Repeat with remaining wrappers and pork mixture.

You can try and make them look nice and crimped but I am really terrible at it.

Heat half the extra vegetable oil in a non-stick frying pan over high heat. Cook half the gyoza for 2 minutes or until bases are golden. Add half the extra water. Cook, covered, for 5 minutes or until cooked and liquid has evaporated. Transfer to a serving platter and repeat with remaining oil, gyoza and water.

Serve with sriracha, hoisin or soy sauce while walking around delivering rapid monologues with your friends.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.