12th Annual Easter Meggstravaganza

Lemon Kurd Cobain

12th Annual Easter Meggstravaganza, Condiment, Dessert, Easter Meggstravaganza, Snack, Sweets

Let me tell you, when the lights were off I entertained Kurt Cobain … but that isn’t the point of today’s catch-up. It was all about Meggy.

As you’ve probably figured out thanks to basic deduction and the process of elimination, Kurty is this year’s hero in the meggstravaganza process and I’m hoping through the power of my time machine, he is able to give a posthumous-yet-still-alive-in-the-past boost to Meg’s career.

Kind of like how I brought him back to life, technically, through the use of my scientific brilliance.

It would come as no surprise to anyone, that I enjoyed (and still do with the latter) a very close friendship with Kurt and Courtney in the late 80s and 90s. Fun fact: I actually introduced the two after meeting Courtney in the gay clubs of Portland where I was turning tricks at the time. While in the later years of his life we shared an addiction to heroin, our friendship, first and foremost was built on trust, unconditional love and a passion for ELO.

As is the case with a lot of my friends, I ended up being Nirvana’s chief muses most famously inspiring Smells Like Teen Spirit with a love-letter I wrote to Kurt when I misunderstood his kindness.

Using the time machine to catch-up with my deceased friends is always bittersweet, but being able to see Kurt and Courtney at their happiest while she was pregnant with little Frances Bean was a true joy. Kurt was a bit confused as to why I was reviving Meg’s career, given that it was at her height in the early 90s and he assumed she would stay at the top of the A-list, but was very happy to be able to help out.

Proving, once again, why the reluctant voice of a generation is my hero.

After delicately explaining the situation with her poor 00s choices, I needed something nice and sweet to avoid any awkward butterfly effects from my stint in the past. Although I did attempt to thwart the future release of the abhorrently awful The Butterfly Effect. Thankfully I had a batch of my Lemon Kurd Cobain on hand to bring the fun!

 

lemon-kurd-cobain-1

 

Lemon curd is quite possibly one of my favourite things, particularly when it is super tart and added to a pie. I was concerned about how meringue would hold up in the time-travel, so had to stick with eating it straight out of the jar with a spoon. And slathered on bread … but sadly not our bodies. Once again, I ruined my chance of forming a Love-Judd-Cobain throuple.

Enjoy!

 

lemon-kurd-cobain-2

 

Lemon Kurd Cobain
Makes: About 2 cups.

Ingredients
1 cup sugar
2 tbsp finely grated lemon zest
⅔ cup freshly squeezed lemon juice
8 large egg yolks
¼ tsp maldon salt
140g unsalted butter, diced into 1-2cm cubes

Method
Whisk together, sugar, zest, juice, yolks and salt in a medium saucepan. Place over medium heat and stir constantly until it thickens and can coat the back of a spoon. A couple of minutes.

Remove from heat and add butter, piece by piece, stirring well after each addition until melted, combined, smooth and thickened.

Pour curd through a fine sieve into a jar and cover with cling wrap directly on the top to avoid a skin forming. Refridgerate until cool before devouring.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Tagene Hackman

12th Annual Easter Meggstravaganza, Easter Meggstravaganza, Main

You know that friend you have that every time another close friend dies you think, damn I miss Mr/Ms X so much, they went too soon … only to Google them to be reminded of their death information and discover they aren’t actually dead?

Yep, that is my dear friend and ex-lover Gene Hackman … making him the perfect candidate for phase four of the Meggstravaganza … and a welfare check.

I first connected with Gene Genie in the 40s through our (well his brother and mine) mutual friend, Dick Van Dyke. While I had a falling out with Dick after using his name during my brief stint in porn in the 60s, Gene and I have enjoyed a close, continuing friendship for the past 70-odd years.

Gene’s passion for my porn career probably helped.

Gene and I enjoyed a brief open relationship in the late 60s, probably due to the social climate at the time, and as such, he was lucky to avoid having me as a scorned ex. This helped in him securing his Oscars, as I am one of the top award season smear-campaigners working in Hollywood.

Gene was so thrilled to see me and I him – mainly out of relief that he isn’t dead. Gene was very excited to be able to share a meal and help his former co-star return to fame (he thinks French Kiss and The French Connection franchise are the same thing). I do get the feeling he was more excited to have a nice homecooked Tagene Hackman though?

 

tagene-hackman-1

 

But who wouldn’t be?

I mean, a big kick of spice, the majesty of lamb, the trashiness addition of frozen peas and a rich, spicy tomato sauce to delicately cook eggs – what more could you want?

That’s right, nada – enjoy!

 

tagene-hackman-2

 

Tagene Hackman
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g lamb mince
2 onions, very finely chopped
3 garlic cloves, crushed
1 tsp ground ginger
1 tsp ground cumin
½ tsp chilli powder
1 tsp paprika
¼ cup finely chopped coriander leaves
¼ cup finely chopped flat leaf parsley
5 eggs
salt and freshly ground black pepper
2 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp tomato paste
2 tbsp chilli flakes
400g can chopped tomatoes
2 tsp honey
200g frozen peas
Chopped parsley, to garnish

Method
Preheat the oven to 200°C.

In a large bowl combine the lamb, half the onion, garlic, ginger, cumin, chilli powder, paprika, coriander, parsley and an egg. Season and mix well, before rolling out into balls just smaller than golf balls. Cover with cling and leave to rest in the fridge for a couple of hours.

When you’re ready to cook, heat the olive oil in a tagine over medium heat and sweat the onions with the chilli flakes until sweet and translucent.

Scrape the onion to one side of the tagine and add the meatballs, cooking until lightly browned. Add the can of tomatoes, paste and honey, stirring carefully to combine. Reduce the heat to low, cover and simmer for ten minutes.

Remove from the heat, uncover, sprinkle the peas over the top and stir. Crack the eggs onto the top of the stew. Return the lid and place into the oven for up to ten minutes, until the eggs are cooked to your liking.

Remove from the lid, garnish with feta, parsley and serve, generously, with couscous.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

The Croque Madame

12th Annual Easter Meggstravaganza, Easter Meggstravaganza, Main

Yes, The Rock is now more widely known as a movie star but let’s be honest he will always be the acclaimed televisual faux-athlete of the WWE … making him, obviously, the perfect fit for the successful TV star of the Meggstravaganza.

Oh, plus he has Ballers that is currently on HBO, so he is firmly in the TV legend realm. Fun fact: Ballers was originally conceived as a romantic comedy about my sexual exploits in the late 90s / earlier 00s, just before he hit the big time.

I first met The Rock while attending the non-shit version of William McKinley High School, where we quickly bonded over being man-children and having to shave in kindergarten. Our love for wrestling also bonded us, although he was less enthusiastic about my Ancient Greece inspired naked/sexy Greco-Roman Wrestling, called Dicko Roman.

While the style didn’t reach the mainstream, I did parlay it into a beautifully scripted porno that, to be honest, should have crossed over to mainstream … like a gay, hardcore Debbie Does Dallas.

The Rock has long been a fan of Meg Ryan’s work (we used to spend our Friday night slumber parties play wrestling and watching her rom-coms), so he was thrilled to be given the opportunity to help her re-ascend to greatness.

He is very busy, what with him currently filming Babe-watch with my on again-on again fling, Zeffy, but was able to take some time out to snack on a rich The Croque Madame.

 

the-croque-madame-1

 

While this isn’t the most ideal meal to serve someone busy being shirtless and oozing sex appeal like the OG Mitch Buchannon, The Rock just can’t go past the quintessential French brunch version of the grilled cheese. Between the rich white sauce (which admittedly I am very heavy handed with to avoid waste … despite the risk it poses to my heart), the gruyere (which smells like SJP looks, a foot), the whack of dijon and the perfectly fried egg, you can’t help but be there to devour it.

Before a slow-mo run into the water to burn of the extra calories – enjoy!

 

the-croque-madame-2

 

The Croque Madame
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
30g unsalted butter
1 tbsp flour
1 cup milk
¼ tsp salt
Freshly grated nutmeg
1 cup Gruyere, grated
4 slices sourdough
Dijon mustard
4-6 thin slices of deli ham
2 large eggs
pepper, to taste

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C.

In small saucepan, melt the butter over high heat until it starts to foam. Whisk in the flour and cook until it is golden and viscose, before adding the milk and salt, whisking constantly until the mixture thickens. Remove from the heat and stir in a pinch of nutmeg and half the cheese.

Lay the slices of bread on a baking sheet, spread with dijon and top with the ham and remaining cheese. Divide half of the bechamel over the top and close the sandwiches.

Melt a lug of unsalted butter in a frying pan over medium heat, add the sandwiches and fry on both sides until golden brown and the cheese is melted and gooey.

Place the sandwiches on the baking sheet, top with remaining bechamel and bake in the oven until it crisps and browns. About ten minutes.

While the sandwiches is becoming gloriously golden, wipe out the frying pan and heat over high heat. When nice and hot, reduce the heat to low and fry the eggs, sunny side up, until the white is gloriously cooked and the yolk soft.

Remove the sandwiches from the oven, plate, top with the fried eggs, season, devour, regret eating so much and run slow-mo into the water, obviously after waiting 15 minutes.

Or you could run in straight away and hope that you hit some trouble and need Zeffy to save you. Which coincidentally is one of our top ten role play situations!

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Axl Rosewater Meringues

12th Annual Easter Meggstravaganza, Dessert, Easter Meggstravaganza, Snack, Sweets

As I’ve said, step two is always one of the trickiest aspects to complete of the Meggstravaganza. I mean, no want wants to be classed a struggling musician … unless they are like pre-Usher Bieber. When you’ve enjoyed a successful career however, struggling is quite a down-grade.

Thankfully my dear friend Axl Rose doesn’t let his pride get in the way of helping to reignite careers. Particularly those of the star of his three favourite movies, You’ve Got Mail, Sleepless in Seattle and *cringe* The Women.

I first met Axl in the 80s outside The Troubadour in West Hollywood. I was turning tricks, trying to net myself a musician lover to fund my addiction and my adicktion. While Axl wasn’t interested, he loved my rock and roll attitude and we quickly became friends with me playing an integral part in the ‘85 merger that formed Guns N’ Roses.

We grew apart while I was away in prison and running scams, but I always played an integral part in inspiring the group acting as the Chief Groupie Advisor and muse.

As I said, Axl is a huge Meg fan and was very eager to get into the ritual arriving with a bandana/headress hybrid, some peyote and various useful percussion instruments. Maybe I should have mentioned a KitchenAid Mixer and a dry bowl was all I really needed to make the egg-white sacrifice known as my Axl Rosewater Meringues.

 

axl-rosewater-meringues-1

 

Crusty bakery meringues in the 90s turned me off the treat, until I realised they weren’t meant to have the texture of asbestos powder with similar health benefits.

These little treats are sweet, crusty, gooey and everything you want out of a good meringue. Now with pistachios!

I’m off to the hen house to pick up some more eggs before my TV star friend drops by – enjoy!

 

axl-rosewater-meringues-2

 

Axl Rosewater Meringues
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
600g caster sugar
300g egg whites
2 tsp rosewater
Finely chopped pistachios, to garnish

Method
Preheat oven to 110°C.

Place sugar in a small pan over medium-low heat and cook until it starts to dissolve. When it reaches 115°C on a thermometer, place the egg whites in a large mixing bowl and whisk on high speed until the whites just begin to foam like an OD outside the Viper Room in the 80s … aka around a minute.

When the syrup reaches 121°C turn off the heat, increase the mixer to high and with motor running, gradually pour the syrup into meringue. Reduce the speed to medium and continue to beat until cooled to room temperature and thick and glossy.

This takes about 15 minutes, be patient. You want to be hypnotised by its beauty, like Skarsky peen-scene.

Line two trays with baking paper. Use two spoons, shape the meringues into generous, rough quenelles. You can make these as large or as small as you like, Axl for instance loves my little friendship-kisses sized domes, other lovers friends like them realround, thick and juicy. The only three second rule I have is to space them well apart to allow for the growth as they get hard and hot.

Sprinkle meringues with the chopped pistachios and leave to bake for about 2 hours, or until set – firm on the outside and just soft in the centre.

Remove from oven and allow to cool. Devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Megg Rolls Ryan

12th Annual Easter Meggstravaganza, Easter Meggstravaganza, Main, Snack

Bless her heart, Megsy is happy with her mediocre career resurgence!

“You don’t have to do this, I worked with Kiernan Shipka!”

Kiernan shouldn’t be responsible for paying your bills Meg, she is still a child.

“But I can’t be the first recipe double-up on your highly-lauded, prestigious and meaningful anthropological documentation of your close, personal relationships with celebrities told via your cooking catch-ups.”

Ah, yes you should be Megs – and more importantly, you deserve the prestigious honour of being our 150th Recipe! We’ve always loved you and you deserve another shot at fame thanks to the Easter Meggstravaganza … it is named after you, after all.

The battle waged for about six hours, but eventually I was able to convince that this would be our year and we’d be able to celebrate her return to fame/form together at the Oscars next year, rather than have it continue to languish like the victim of a biking crash while the Goo Goo Dolls played.

Megs has been busy with her latest actorial-directorial effort with my friend (who I must catch-up with) Tam Honks, Ithaca and really needed the break … and the good juju for reviews/box-office receipts/plaudits that comes with my egg based ritual.

While last year I went with an 70/80s special Devilled Meggs Ryan, I decided this year that the only way to truly get her back on the A-list was something hearty, substantial and relevant aka the culinary embodiment of what we want her career to be – enter scene, Megg Rolls Ryan.

 

meg-rolls-ryan-1

 

I have really struggled through the recent Queensland summer, so have been dabbling in any meal that is luke-warm yet delicious as I like to eat good food, but don’t enjoy the accompanying sweet dripping off my balls when in the kitchen making it.

These Egg Rolls, which aren’t like their American Chinese take-away counterparts, are light, fresh and packed full of paper with minimal cooking leaving me satisfied but not like I’ve just stepped out of a G-rated, food-safe sauna.

Now to start prepping for my struggling musician pal … enjoy!

 

meg-rolls-ryan-2

 

Megg Rolls Ryan
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g shredded cooked chicken breast
1 large carrot, peeled, cut into matchsticks
1 red capsicum, seeded, thinly sliced
1 Lebanese cucumber, cut into matchsticks
2 tbsp kecap manis
6 eggs, lightly beaten
1 tsp sesame oil
1 tbsp peanut oil
Extra kecap manis and sriracha, to serve

Method
Combine the shredded chicken, carrot, capsicum, cucumber and kecap manis in a large bowl. Stir and season to taste.

Combine egg and sesame oil in a jug. Heat a nonstick frying pan over medium-high heat, add a dash of the peanut oil and swirl to coat. Drizzle a few tablespoons of the egg mixture into pan to form a crisscross patterned omelette. Cook for 30 seconds, carefully flip and cook for 20 seconds. Transfer to a plate, cover and keep warm. Repeat with remaining egg mixture and oil, to form 8 crepes.

Place the egg crepes on a clean work surface. Divide the chicken mixture among the centres of the crepes. Roll up the crepes tightly to enclose the filling – I’m pretty bad tag this, so mine look more like crepe enchiladas. Transfer the egg rolls to serving plates and drizzle with extra kecap manis and sriracha. Devour but not so quickly that you end up Sleepless (in Seattle) with indigestion.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

The 12th Annual Easter Meggstravaganza: When Meggy met Eggy

12th Annual Easter Meggstravaganza, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Despite another year of our egg based return-to-fame ritual, poor Meggy Ryan wasn’t able to make the triumphant return to the A-list that she so deserved.

As you now know, Annelie and I have been catching up with Megs each Easter for the past decade to bring new life into her shockingly, unfairly stalled career.

While you could argue that a co-starring role with Kiernan Shipka on an ABC Family TV movie is a huge boost to her career, it didn’t set her career alight quite like we had hoped. With Annelie still struggling with cage-fighting induced amnesia, I am assembling the usual classification of friends together to try and finally nudge her back into the stratosphere.

Who will be the struggling musician,  successful TV star,  shockingly-still-living legend and, of course, the hero that I join together with Meg and a dick-load of peyote? To be continued, as the say …

Welcome to The 12th Annual Easter Meggstravaganza! The twelfth time’s the charm, isn’t it?

Picture source: Screenshot from The Lion King.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.