Month: March 2015

Devilled Meggs Ryan

Easter Meggstravaganza, Party Food, Snack

It is always a rush when following through on an egg-based ritual to return fame, foretold in a vision quest in Palm Springs, the celebrity desert.

For the past decade we have struggled with our dear friend Meg to find the correct celebs to force into helping our ritual to return us to the A-list, but alas it has only come true for two of us.

As we have known Meg for such a long time, having met her on the set of When a Man Loves a Woman (Annelie was her stunt double for the shower scene and I acted as her alcohol coach) and continued on as her personal security until we were fired for leaking stories to the tabloids and befriending her across the canyon neighbours, the T-Austins (in a dark period in our friendship, we egged her house).

Thankfully a desire for fame is a huge motivation for forgiveness and Meg never held a grudge and we still have fun with each other in the lead-up to our annual ritual.

In recent years Meg has been enjoying a slight career upswing, playing an obsessive stalker with OCD on Web Therapy (a role loosely based on one of my incarcerations) and we have taken it as a sign that she is on the precipice of returning to greatness. As such, we decided the best way to start this year’s ritual was with a batch of Sweet and Spicy Devilled Meggs Ryan.

 

Devilled Megs Ryan_1

 

The maple bacon counters the kick of heat and if our calculations are right, she should be having what we’re having…an A-list resurgence.

Enjoy!

 

Devilled Megs Ryan_2

 

Sweet and Spicy Devilled Megs Ryan
Makes: 12.

Ingredients
2 rashers streaky bacon
1 tbsp maple syrup
12 hard-boiled eggs, peeled
½ cup mayonnaise
1-2 tbsp Sriracha sauce
1 tsp Dijon mustard
2 tsp finely chopped tarragon
1 tbsp finely chopped chives

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C and line a tray with baking paper. While the oven is heating, marinate the bacon in the maple syrup. When the oven is at temperature, lay rashers on the tray until caramelised and crispy, should be about ten minutes. Remove from oven and set aside to cool.

Cut all the eggs in half lengthways and remove the yolk to a bowl. Mash all of the yolks until smooth-ish and then mix in the mayo, sriracha, mustard and herbs. Season to taste.

Spoon the yolk mixture back into each egg cavity and place on the serving plate.

Finely chop the maple bacon and sprinkle over the eggs. Devour and know that phase one was a success.

The 11th Annual Easter Meggstravaganza

Easter Meggstravaganza, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

For the last ten years, Annelie and I have been catching up with Meg Ryan around Easter in an effort to breathe new life into our fading careers.

You see Meg had just bombed in the shamefully Oscar-and-audience-snubbed Against the Ropes and we had just been sent back to court ordered rehab in Malibu (we had declared bankruptcy, were homeless and committed a crime to wind up at our home away from home Promises).

Following the bomb/exiting rehab, we all caught up in Palm Springs and went on a peyote triggering vision quest that foretold our return to fame and glory if we performed an annual worship of eggs, lining up with lunar cycles in March/April.

It was a ridiculously specific vision quest and, don’t mean to blow our own trumpets, clearly worked for us. Being scared to lose our fame and wanting to help Meg find redemption, we will continue on with our (now 11th) Annual Easter Meggstravaganza.

Now to line up the remaining ingredients for the ritual; a struggling musician, a successful TV star, a shockingly-still-living legend and, of course, a hero. How do we choose the vital players?

Picture source: Screenshot of The Simpsons Movie.

Benjamin Salisbury Steaks

Main

Ladies and gentlemen, this week Annelie and I were dealt with a soul-crushingly abrupt plot twist!

Benjamin Salisbury has settled his feud with Shaughnessy.

I know! Sometimes life is hard to take, but sit down and let the shock wash over you.

At first, obviously, we acted like Lisa Rinna in Amsterdam and gave him a verbal beat down for showing up at the AB not C AGM to help us mend fences with Charles but after some Arianna approved meditation (that we learnt during a stint of court ordered anger management) and a wine, we were able to see the light and realise that moving on was maybe for the best.

(Our long running feud started back when we commenced working as slap-designers on Days of Our Lives in the late 80s. The role of young Shane Donovan came up for a series of flashbacks where Charles actively campaigned against me getting the role as I was too melodramatic and too into heroin).

Benjamin was such a sweetheart, sitting with us calmly over a meal of Benjamin Salisbury Steaks to help us through the hurt of the past and find a way to let go of the anger we had felt, and like that a relationship built on hate, finally became one of love and self improvement.

 

Benjamin Salisbury Steaks_1

 

While it may not win any awards for appearance or class, the dish is rich, comforting and has enough heat to give you a kick. In our case, in the right direction.

Now to call Charles, maybe Ben will mediate our meeting?

Enjoy!

 

Benjamin Salisbury Steaks_2

 

Benjamin Salisbury Steaks
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
40g French onion soup powder (yes, the packet stuff. Don’t judge)
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 egg
¼ tsp garlic salt
¼ tsp cayenne pepper
1 tbsp chives, finely chopped
2 tbsp sherry
¾ cup water
2 tsp sour cream
butter, for frying
extra chives, to garnish

Method
In a large bowl combine mince, 1 ½ tbsp soup powder, soy, egg, garlic salt, cayenne and chives. Divide into four thick, equal patties and leave to sit  in the fridge for half an hour.

Blend remaining soup powder and sherry and leave to sit.

Heat the butter in a large frying pan and fry patties (which you’ve obviously taken out of the fridge) for roughly five minutes each side, depending on how well done you want them. This will make them medium. Anyway, once fried remove to a plate and keep warm.

Pour water into the still on pan to deglaze. Stir in the soup powder and sherry and bring to the boil until thick. Remove from heat and mix through the sour cream.

Serve the patties over some nice creamy mashed potatoes, generously drown in the sauce and garnish with chives.

Then devour and resent yourself for judging the appearance of the dish and the inclusion of powdered soup.

Style, flair and finally (t)here

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

You all know that we spent some time working with the flashy girl who worked in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens (where my feud with Shaughnessy commenced), but we never got into the details of our close, unshakeable bond with Benjamin “Brighton the Titan” Salisbury.

We first connected as a threesome (an albeit G rated one) when we joined Shaughnessy feud forces and founded The Nanny’s AB not C club, where anyone with a name starting with C was banned. While most people felt it was inappropriate and bullying, it kept us away from Charles and we didn’t care.

Ben is in town for the club’s AGM, where we spend the day drinking and bitching mercilessly about Chuck the fuck, so we decided to make a week of it and celebrate the 22 years of our friendship.

What says we may have been united by mutual loathing but your friendship over the last two decades has meant the world to us?

Shit, when did we get so sentimental? Mutual rage really bonds, I guess.

Picture source: Unknown.

Cara-mel Gibson Slice

Dessert, Sweets

Mel is wild and everytime we hang out is like a ride through the outback with Max. That being said, the man helped give us a start in Hollywood and we will always be grateful for that, regardless of our personal feelings about things that he has said. Plus, he loves us without judgement.

Mel dropped by for afternoon tea (none of us felt booze and a barbie would end well for any of us) to catch-up on our years apart since ‘Pet Name-gate’ and his fall from grace. We filled him in on our stratospheric comeback and discussed some ideas to help with his.

While he had a bizarre opinion on BOAW2: ROTF (that it was a terrible idea), the man is an old family friend (we first met following my sister befriending his daughter on a Sydney beach) and we will turn the other cheek and even thank him when we are winning Best Screenplay, Best Actress for Golds and Best Supporting Actress and Actor for Annelie and I.

It wasn’t even enough to turn the sweet Cara-Mel Gibson Slice, or the afternoon, bitter.

 

Cara-Mel Gibson Slice_1

 

The simple rustic charm of the slice acted as a symbol of our relationship with Mel; while it can change over the years through reinvention or duplicity (working with Katie Holmes), when we get back to the basics, it is beautiful and perfect.

Enjoy!

 

Cara-Mel Gibson Slice_2

 

Caramel Gibson Slice
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
Base and Filling
1 cup plain flour
½ cup dark brown sugar
½ cup shredded coconut
125g melted butter
60g butter
2 tbsp golden syrup
395g condensed milk

Topping
125g cooking chocolate, milk
60g copha

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C and line a 28cm x 18cm slice tray with baking paper.

Sift flour into the bowl and mix in sugar and coconut, and then melted butter. Press mixture into tray and bake for 15 minutes or until golden.

While the base is baking, melt the remaining butter over low heat in a small saucepan. Stir in syrup and condensed milk. Heat for a minute or two until the colour darkens slightly and remove from heat.

When base is ready, pour filling over the cooked base and return to the oven for 8-10 minutes or until it has darkened and started to bubble on the top. Remove from oven and set aside.

While the slice is cooling, place the chocolate (broken into pieces) and diced copha into a microwave safe bowl and melt in 10-20 second bursts until melted. Once done, give it a good stir and pour over the slice spreading so that it even. Chill for a few hours, then devour.

Before slicing, run the knife under hot water (and then dry it, obviously) to avoid the chocolate cracking.

What’s in a nickname aka the saga of Sugar Tits

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

We disassociated ourselves from our friend Mel during his tumultuous years. It wasn’t the kindest thing to do, but with our criminal past in Hollywood, we felt it best to stay away from bad influences when we were trying to piece our lives back together.

Plus, Sugar Tits is his pet name for us and using it on someone else is abhorrent…and a kick to our self-esteem.

Mel has worked hard to pull himself back up and we have a killer idea for a Bird on a Wire sequel, so thought we should catch-up and see if we can give him a hand getting his career back on track.

What says we would be perfect to play the twin children of you and Goldie in future Academy Award winning, Bird on a Wire 2: Rise of the Flock?

Picture source: Dan Steinberg/Invision/AP.

Green Eggs and Jon Hamm

Breakfast

What do I..? Where..?

I just don’t even know where to start.

Jon Hamm, damn. Hot damn. Jon dropped by a couple of nights ago to relax, celebrate his birthday and release some tension/let off some steam (his words).

Annelie and I first met Jon while we were all working in porn, he designed sets while we wrote scripts, provided catering and acted as fluffers, if needed. Obviously, both Annelie and I fell passionately in love with Jon and worked to be his lovers.

I won’t go into the specifics, but the eventual arrangement lead to the plot of Big Love.

Emphasis on big.

Yesterday morning, I got to work making Jon a nice filling breakfast (Annelie was busy/I locked her out of my house and kept Jon’s visit a secret…I will probably regret this) to give him the energy he needed to get through his, work, for the day. Given that we had plenty of sausage in the house, I opted for a nice generous serve of Green Eggs and Jon Hamm.

 

Green Eggs and Jon Hamm_1

 

We had leftover pesto from our last catch-up with Toni Basil, so we added some parmesan to the eggs and mixed it through with some diced ham. With a squeeze of lemon juice, it was as perfect as the night before.

Enjoy! You know we did. It was a happy birthday for Jon indeed!

 

Green Eggs and Jon Hamm_2

 

Green Eggs and Jon Hamm
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
6 eggs
6 slices ham, diced
2 tbsp pesto
2 tbsp grated parmesan
4 slices sourdough, toasted
butter, to serve (and cook)
salt and pepper, to season
lemon, quartered, to serve

Method
Crack all the eggs into a medium bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper, ham, pesto and parmesan and give them a good whisk.

In a medium pan, melt roughly a tablespoon of butter over medium/low heat until hot and foamy. Pour egg mixture into the pan and let them bubble for roughly ten seconds.

In sweeping motions, go from the edge of the pan to the centre until the eggs are slowly cooked (basically, this technique from 1:50-2:10ish). Make sure you stop while they are still moist, as they will continue to cook from the heat while you butter your toast

On that note, at some point toast your bread, but I am sure you could figure that part out.

To serve, place your toast on a plate and top with the eggs and a wedge of lemon on the side. Again, I am sure you could have figured that out.

Sausage is optional and was fantastic.

Hamming it up

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Some of our catch-ups have been for reconnecting, others to help our friends back into the limelight and others have been about burying feuds (rather than hatchets into backs), this week’s catch-up feels different. More meaningful. Sexier.

Our dear friend and sometime lover, Jon Hamm gave us a call hoping to drop by and quote, un-quote “relax and relieve some stress after wrapping Mad Men.”

I will leave it up to your imagination as to what he means, God knows I am getting imaginative.

What says, thanks for…well, thanks for everything? Everything.

Picture source: Vanity Fair.

Toni Basil Pesto

Condiment

After such a long absence, we are so thankful that Toni step up and dougie’d her way back into our life. She had barely locked her car before we were out the front of Annelie’s house greeting her with some bends, snaps and other loving movements.

Our friendship remains as close as it was way back when and it felt like no time had passed at all. We filled her in on our feud with Nigel Lythgoe and were both shocked (at the betrayal) and thrilled (for her opportunity) that she was considering accepting an offer to judge on So You Think You Can Dance. Obviously after the whipping it (in the sack) with Devo drama, we will try to end the Lythgoe feud to help her secure the role.

That being said, as delightful, kind, forgiving and warm dear Toni is, she is also a total nut. When she called to organise our catch-up she firmly requested we make our famous Toni Basil Pesto. Just the pesto, nothing else. Just pesto and a spoon.

 

Toni Basil Pesto_1

 

Basil is the kind of herb that hits you like a mid break-dance fly-kick to the gut (in a good way), and when you add the sharpness of the parmesan with a dash of lemon juice, you have pesto perfection.

Unlike Toni, I would suggest serving with crackers or some freshly cooked pasta and an extra squeeze of lemon. I like lemon, especially Liz.

Enjoy!

 

Toni Basil Pesto_2

 

Toni Basil Pesto
Makes: Probably about ¾ cup, maybe (noting that I am terrible with estimations)

Ingredients
1 bunch basil, leaves picked
½ cup finely grated parmesan
⅓ cup toasted pine nuts
1 garlic clove, finely chopped
½ cup extra virgin olive oil
lemon, salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Place the basil, parmesan, pine nuts and garlic in the bowl of a food processor and process until finely chopped. With the motor running, gradually add the oil in a thin, steady stream until well combined. Taste and season with salt, pepper and a squeeze of lemon juice.

Place in an airtight container and cover with a little oil – this will help stop the basil from turning black. Store in the fridge for up to one week.

Locking in a date

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

As highly influential members of the dance world through our noted stewardship and as founders of dance troupe, Jazz in Your Face, Annelie and I have long been confidantes of Toni Basil. Well, despite that brief hiatus during our “Groupie Era” when we worked our way through all the members of Devo while she was dating Gez.

Thankfully, we moved passed the awkwardness and were able to reconnect and work together successfully choreographing for Legally Blonde, the critically acclaimed Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde and the TV Land Awards tribute to Soul Train.

It has been close to a decade since our last catch-up slash dance-fest/battle (as we have a lifetime ban at Caesars Palace and couldn’t help choreograph for Bette’s farewell show), so Toni is dropping by this week.

What dish screams we mutually inspire each other to achieve dance greatness and that we are so fine, so fine we blow people’s minds? Oh Toni. Oh Toni.

Picture source: Unknown.