Coming in just on time – God has (ironically enough) presented Spotlight with the Best Picture gong … proving, once again, that I am psychic!
Well done to all the winners, most of you my closest friends – can’t wait to catch-up soon!
Classic Leo – class and causes, well done … I’ll ignore the fact you’re the only person not to be played off.
Harvey Weinstein will be devastated he blew his money trying to continue the Loser Leo memes.
Well done Leo, you beautiful bastard – it truly has been too long!
The standing ovation is going to push this thing overtime.
Brie is such a doll and I desperately need to catch-up with her ASAP.
I am so sad Room won’t win Best Picture.
Best Actress and my psychic ability is safe.
Let me beat Eddie to it – congratulations Brie!
And The Revenant is making a comeback at the expense of my psychic ability and poor little Georgie.
It is deserved and I love him, but I decided I am going with Aussie pride an hour or so ago, so am now sad.
We are back to checking my psychic ability with the presentation of Best Director …
Ugh, as much as I hate Sam Smith, Kate Winslet’s fist-pumping makes the win tolerable.
And his shout-out to the LGBT community is always a win … despite him not being anywhere close to being the first openly gay man to win an Oscar.
OG song – can The Weeknd shame D-Bag Foster?
My boy Quincy is in the house – I really need to catch-up with him soon!
He is presenting Best Original Score, again something I win in 2036. This year, it was taken out by The Hateful Eight, bagging dear Ennio Morricone his first competitive Oscar.
Ok … but she can sing.
Joe was bide-n his time with me in the green room while we discussed future policies and HRC’s odds on Super Tuesday.
He begged me to get involved with this year’s election, so stay tuned.
Back to the Oscars though, Lady Gaga’s transition to the film and television industry is fetch … in that it is not going to happen (if I can stop it … K DUNST FOREVER).
Who am I kidding? Sofia Vergara is charming enough to get away with Travolta-ing a name. But she won’t, because she is a boss.
Well done to Son of Sa-ool. I jinxed her, didn’t I. At least hers is because of an accent, amirite Adele Dazeem?
Bringing the adorable pre-teen charm, Jacob and Abraham are back to present Best Live Action Short Film.
They are probably the only people that could get away with Travolta-ing a name tonight.
Off topic, Jacob is giving me Room flashbacks and now I’m more depressed than In Memoriam and Bing Bong’s (snubbed) suicide combined.
Well done to the team behind Stutterer.
I just counted at least 20 exes in the In Memoriam segment.
Oh, and Bing Bong was excluded.
Chez is here and is giving a rousing speech about equality – I can’t even make jokes about her.
Gena, Spike and my love, Debbie fucking Reynolds are here and I couldn’t be happier.
Amy, as I knew, has taken out Best Documentary Feature.
It was presented by the girl who stole my role in the new Star Wars film and the babe who Judi Dench hooked me up with on the set of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.
Louis C.K. is here to present Best Documentary Short and is acknowledging that this is the most meaningful of the awards, sorry Leo.
Well done to the team behind A Girl in the River: The Price of Forgiveness.
Sharmeen, we need to catch-up soon!
Um … what? I can’t believe I got one wrong. Mark was very deserving and I love him (I was a fluffer on Intimacy), but we missed the chance to struggle through another Sly speech!
Patty has arrived, so that means only one thing – Best Supporting Actor.
Hopefully they invested in some subtitles for Sly.
I am back to being shocked that The Weeknd is the sole nominee from 50 Shades of Grey.
And now shocking nobody, Inside Out has won the Oscar for Best Animated Feature.
RIP Bing Bong – I will protest if you’re excluded from the In Memoriam segment.
I am shocked Mad Max didn’t win for Best Animated Short.
Bear Story looks cute though, I just feel Mad Max was more deserving.
I requested pizza, but cookies purchased for me by countless ex-lovers is pretty damn good.
Guess it is time to end my feud with Shonda.
Jason Segel and Olivia Munn are an odd pair, until you realise they aren’t – I am trying for a threesome later.
Hopefully they have caught the Aussie fever too?
Serkis presented Ex Machina with the win for Visual Effects, meaning Mad Max has another person who can feel awkward about not winning.
In positive news, Mad Max has officially become the most awarded film of the 88th Annual Academy Awards … an hour and a half into the seventeen hour broadcast.
My ex-lover Andy Serkis is on stage. I had a Gollum fetish and when he was out of the motion-capture suit, he lost his appeal.
Sound Mixing? Yep … Mad Max.
I am totally picking up tonight, Hollywood is loving Aussies.
The Revenant is 1 from 7, Mad Max is 6 from 7. Awkward for their Cinematographer, amirite?
Sorry, I should reiterate … I am psychic.
Fun fact: The Revenant are currently 1 for 6.
Sound Editing, another subject I know nothing about but win an Oscar for in 2036 (I win 13 individual awards and go down in history).
I’m going out on a limb and announcing Mad Max before they do.
Chris is doing a great job … but I would love for him to spring for a pizza like Ellen.
Editing gives Mad Max its fourth win for the evening.
I think Stacey Dash was a joke. Whether she was in on it, is questionable.
So while they give out the Achievement in Cinematography Award to The Revenant (finally getting on the board tonight), I’m going to continue looking into whether the Stacey Dash bit was a joke.
I’m really concerned guys and you should be too.
Make-up and hairstyling have made it an early hat-trick for Mad Max. Glad my fellow Gold Coast girl Margot was able to bring them some more Aussie pride.
Wake me when George is on stage or robbed by Alejandro (whom I love, despite the below slight.
Jenny Beavan has taken out Best Costume design and I noticed Alejandro giving her side eye for the jacket I designed.
I am crushed.
I have no idea what exactly Production Design is, but I win the Oscar for it in 2036. I assume I am mentored by tonight’s winners, Colin Gibson and Lisa Thompson?
Cate is on stage so I’m currently in the green room looking for booze, giving Chris a pep talk and just being a dominant force of nature.
I wish you got to experience the glamour, it is great!
I feel like the scrolling ‘Thank you’ section isn’t actually cutting the speeches down?
Best Supporting Actress time, welcome to the Oscar winner club Alicia! For the record, I’m currently 3 for 3.
My falsetto is better. Also, why are they cropping me out of frame whenever they show Cate?
Sam Smith is singing and once again, I am yawning.
I’m ducking out for a Double Double, be back soon.
Um, was the Stacey Dash bit meant to be a joke?
Adapted Screenplay is up with Ryan Gosling continuing his run as a comedian.
And Anchorman‘s snubbing is redeemed – well done, The Big Short!
First award of the night is up, Original Screenplay. I win this in 2036 for Little Whorephan Andy.
Well done, Spotlight!
I added the Jada jokes – she knows what she did.
Chris is looking great and is going to do such a great job.
Remember when I helped with the script?
It’s show time!
Leo and Kate are adorable. On that note, he could have fit and Rose is a murderer.
Lady Gaga looks good and I think that is more disappointing than the fact that she is a nominee tonight.
Fassbender looks great but makes me want to nap. Not just because of Shame.
My nemesis Reece Witherspoon looks good and that makes me sad.
Rachel McAdams is beautiful in emerald, reminding us that she was robbed for Mean Girls.
Julie Moore is confusing me in Chanel.
Heidi Klum is terrifying in my mother’s 90s sheer curtains, with some added side boob.
Now returning down-under, Cate Blanchett’s gown is a floral ode to my bird phobia, sea foam, scary and stunning. 5 stars.
Naomi Watts is beautifully dressed as navy fish, again, in a good way.
Meanwhile in the northern hemisphere,
Tilda SwintonSandy Powell is currently winning Best Dressed coming in costume as David Bowie.
Bryan Cranston is breaking me, bad, in his tux.
Margot Robbie slaying the carpet, putting the gold in Gold Coast girl.
Rooney Mara bringing the skin and killing it.
Best Actress (soon-to-be)winner Brie Larson has arrived in a stunning Gucci gown, with accessories styled by Sylvester Stallone in character as Rocky.
Jacob Tremblay is reportedly infuriated by her slight.
Olivia Munn looking exquisite in Stella McCartney. Classic, simple, perfect – 5 stars.
Common has just arrived in an #OscarsSoWhite tux by D&G.
Eddie Redmayne, looking to claim back-to-back Best Actor trophies, is looking dapper on the red carpet in Alexander McYasQueen.
I know where I want to find his fantastic beast later tonight – 4.5 stars.
Saoirse Ronan who I trained to be a horrible person for Atonement has hit the red carpet and is being charming – I have no idea what she is saying, but I love her so I don’t care.
Looking stunning in an Irish green custom Calvin – 4 stars.
Olivia Wilde, whom I met and became close with on the set of The O.C. has just arrived on the red carpet in Valentino.
She has described it as fun, I describe it as a glamorous version of a fireman’s outfit (think Samantha in the fire house in SATC) crossed with nipple-tape.
Whoopi has hit the carpet, looking stunning. Sadly the banana shoes didn’t make the cut.
Jacob Tremblay is literally the only person shorter than Seacrest.
By a matter of inches.
Sofia Vergara looks like a dignified version of tit soup in the Playboy episode of Sex and the City.
That is meant as a compliment – 3.5 stars.
Scrap that – hope her publicist is giving her the 50 bucks for making her turn on me.
If she doesn’t win, this will start a feud – mark my words.
Best Supporting Actress front runner Alicia Vikander just earned 50 bucks by snubbing Seacrest in her beautiful Louis Vuitton gown – 4 stars.
Such a great person to have in my squad!
Sam Smith – yawn. Go to In’n’Out.
My divine friend Mindy Kaling is envious of my busy schedule today – she too will enjoy success one day, I am sure.
She is looking anything but disgust-ing on the red carpet though!
My ex-collaborator Adam McKay has just arrived and is totally banging.
Will The Academy make up for snubbing him for the Anchorman saga?
Hot tip: Aaron and I think he will win for his screenplay for The Big Short.
Gena Rowlands is here and is such a doll and her lifetime achievement award is so well deserved.
We first met on the set of A Woman Under the Influence, where I taught her how to be under the influence.
Thank you for joining the carpet Independent Spirit Award winner, Abraham Attah from Beasts of No Nation!
He is 30 years Seacrest’s junior, but 2 feet taller.
So I forgot how much of a snooze the early part of the red carpet was. Between Dickie trying to kiss me and Gu handing out markers to colour in her gown, I am so bored.
Brad and Ange’s kids drew the flowers on Giuliana Rancic’s dress. Two stars.
Richard Wilkins just tried to make out with me. Um, Richard, we haven’t done that in like four years.
Can people start arriving so this gets less awkward?
Best part of working the red carpet? Looking tall by standing near Ryan Seacrest. Tonight he is dressed by Pumpkin Patch.
We are live! We are betting on Cate and Brie tying for best dressed – Cate looks stunning (I am her date) and Brie looked great at the fitting I attended with her. I wonder how Seacrest will offend them?
Sly will look like a total babe.
What are your predictions?
Happy Oscars day everyone!
Hollywood’s night of nights is finally upon us and a new batch of recipients are about to be awarded one of the world’s highest honours – don’t even try and pretend that this isn’t true.
As I announced on Friday, I’m trying something new to Fame Hungry – the 88th Annual Academy Awards live blog, providing you with the insider gossip from an industry stalwart and close friend of 99% of The Academy.
I don’t mean to gloat or make you feel lazy, but this blogging effort will be amongst my numerous commitments for the day, which include but are not limited to, hosting the red carpet specials on E!, Bravo, ABC, Retirement Living, Dish Nation, The CW and Briz 31, styling Richard Wilkins’ hair for the Australian Today show, acting as Ruffalo’s double when the ceremony starts to drag, attending as Cate’s date and doctoring Chris’ script from the green room.
I will also be feuding with Gugu-B Rancid, but who isn’t?
So strap in and keep your mouse close to the refresh button as I take you inside the Oscars!
Image source: The Academy.