Jarrot Fengel Soup

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2017), Main, Side, Snack, Soup, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor, Asaga was feeling washed out after Pete mutinied while he was loving being back at Samatau. Not loving it, were Henry and Michelle who slipped further down the pecking order. After a hard fought immunity challenge between Ziggy and poor, dim Jericho, the latter dropped from a pyramid over the water handing Samatau victory and sending the dwindling Asaga back to tribal where Odette learned Julia’s lesson, in that the person in the middle is oft run over.

Back at camp Sarah was feeling proud after uniting the two rival pairs to take out Odette, who really would be a nightmare at the upcoming merge giving her lack of loyalty. The next day, the final Asagans were still shocked to have survived 35 days. While Tara and Luke thought they were due for a challenge, Sarah was feeling the merge was well overdue and rallied the troops to plan who best to target from Samatau to sway to their side.

Speaking of the devils, Jarrad was feeling extremely confident to have his alliance back together and started to gossip about Locky being paranoid. Tessa was also feeling concerned, which makes me think one of Pete-Jarrad-Tessa-Ziggy is out tonight as they are coming across as smarmy.

JoJo was quick on the scene where the two tribes arrived for … THE MERGE. That is after Jericho butchered the English language, yet again. Everyone was thrilled as they unrolled their new black buffs ahead of the first individual reward challenge. The castaways were required to stand over an elevated glass bottle and swing a pendulum around it, without knocking it over. Sounds simple, but it is for the ultimate merge rejuvenation reward – new clothes, some pampering, food and letters from home.

Just as quickly as I had written off Luke, he spoke beautifully about how important his family are to him and I am now back in his corner. Michelle was first out of the challenge, quickly followed by Henny-Penny, Tara and challenge beast Ziggy. We ticked over the ten minute mark where Luke’s mind games backfired and he eliminated himself, followed by Locky, Sarah, Jarrad, Peter and Anneliese, leaving Tessa and Jericho to battle it out for reward. Given the fact Tessa is a doctor, I’m not shocked that her steady hands prevailed and she took out the first individual victory.

Of course Jonathan then offered her the chance to make a choice – to keep the entire reward for herself or to give up everything but the letter so that everyone can receive theirs. Making the most obvious decision, she opted to give everyone their letters. The newly formed … merge tribe returned to the former Asaga camp where everyone found their way to some coffee and treats while they read their letters. Michelle, obviously, saw right through her decision. While I do counter that their wasn’t an actual decision for the victor, it is probs going to create some drama so that makes me happy.

Michelle then questioned her family’s motives for writing the letter – they want some money – Tara sobbed about her kids, Pete sobbed about his relationship with his father, Henry and his nips looked beautiful while they struggled with his mother’s passing, Locky has a girlfriend and that is just fucked, Anneliese’s family sounds awesome, while Tessa and Jericho sound quite emotionally secure and their families weren’t too emosh. Sarah then sobbed through her letter, as did Ziggy leading to Luke’s moment in the sun while talking about his family and how much he loves them.

With the niceties behind them, the merged tribe got to know each other while Tessa spoke about her confidence that Samatau will stick together and get rid of the remaining four Asagans. Tara and Locky however reconnected by the fire and spoke about everyone being concerned about their bond. Meanwhile Jericho spoke about the merge being a David and Goliath battle, and while he is kind of a moron, I do believe they will prevail … for now.

Everyone ran around doing chores before Tara prodded Sarah to go reconnect with Michelle and try and work her into a new majority. Sadly Michelle had no interest in moving away from the majority and quickly told Ziggy as much. Henry however was more than willing to make the jump and got to work on Jericho and Sarah to form a new alliance. In the other corner, Jarrad and Ziggy got to work solidifying their numbers – he, Ziggy, Pete, Tessa, Locky and bonus points Anneliese and Michelle – before he suggested taking out Henry, who they acknowledged had definitely flipped.

Thankfully Jonathan returned for the first individual immunity challenge where we learnt the tribe went with the gang-bang naming convention, forming Asatoa. The challenge was another looks simple, sounds fucked scenarios where they have to balance themselves between two rails … to avoid being the next one voted out, and the first member of the jury.

Anneliese quickly dropped out of the challenge, followed by Tara, Michelle, Luke, Sarah and Pete. While everyone appeared to be struggling, Olympian Ziggy and Jarrad both looked solid before Locky dropped, followed by Jericho, Jarrad and Tessa, leaving Henry and Ziggy to battle it out for immunity. Henry’s muscles glistened as the sweat rolled over his tanned skin in the sunlight before dropping out of nowhere and giving Ziggy immunity.

Back at camp Jericho explained that his alliance’s only option was to pull in Locky and Michelle, while the majority debated the merits of getting rid of Henry – who they assume has an idol – and Luke, given he is unlikely to have found one. We then checked in with Henry who decided that getting rid of Jarrad is the best back-up option since Ziggy is immune. Given his numbers aren’t great, Henry pulled Locky aside to talk about joining he and Tara’s alliance to get rid of Jarrad, which Locky didn’t feel was the right thing to do at this time.

Wanting to lock in the numbers, Jarrad then approached Jericho to float the idea of working together, agreeing to underline their votes to prove their loyalty. Tessa then ran us through her numbers, convinced that Michelle was automatically in their pocket without actually trying to include her in anything. Tessa then fumbled the ball and told her that she is the last one in the alliance, so that’s why they weren’t involving her … which inspired Michelle to approach Locky about making a move together. Which of course, leaves me hella confused just as they left for tribal council.

Once there, Locky spoke about the confusion of trying to figure out where everyone stood giving the multiple swaps. Luke was feeling nervous, Henry felt like he was stuck in the middle of his allegiances, Pete was coy and Michelle signalled that a move was afoot, mentioning that she thought everything was locked a day ago, but now, wasn’t so sure. Jarrad then started to feel quite anxious, as is Tessa, while Michelle and Sarah gossiped quietly in the corner. Jericho then spoke about war, which made Ziggy feel grateful about having immunity while Locky was feeling tomorrow would make it clear where everyone stood and where the game would go.

Michelle then gave some more killer tribal grabs, which again sounded like a war-cry as they headed in to vote. The votes started piling up on Luke before everyone zigged – not Ziggy-ed – and voted Jarrad out of the game – with a baller underlined vote from Jericho, FYI – as the first member of the jury.

As an Instagram celebrity slash amateur model, I’ve known Jarrad for years, having bullied him into shooting 7 of my 9 nude portfolios. While he apparently found the experience to be traumatic, I somehow one him over and we became the dearest of friends. Though I think that has more to do with my Jarrot Fengel Soup.

 

 

Sweet, earthy and completely warming, it is the perfect dish to warm you up during that last push of winter … and after a brutal post-merge blindside. Though in the words of the great Abi-Maria, at least he made the jury?

Enjoy!

 

 

Jarrot Fengel Soup
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 kg carrots , peeled, trimmed and sliced
2 bulbs of fennel, trimmed and sliced
1 onion, thinly sliced
2 cloves of garlic, peeled
1 potato, roughly diced
2 sprigs thyme
1 tablespoon maple syrup
salt and pepper, to taste
1 bay leaf
1 ½ cups vegetable stock
½ cup cream

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Place the carrots, fennel, onion, garlic, potato and thyme on a lined baking sheet. Drizzle with a good lug of olive oil and the maple syrup and bake for about twenty minutes, or until they are all starting to caramelise.

Transfer the gloriously caramelised veggies to a pot and add the bay leaf and stock, and bring to the boil over high heat. Reduce to low and simmer for a further twenty minutes, or until everything is tender.

Take the pot off the heat, remove the bay leaf and blitz with a stick blender until smooth. Stir through the cream, return to a low heat and cook for a further couple of minutes.

Serve with a drizzle of maple and devour carefully. You know soup has a penchant for burning the shit out of your mouth.

 

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Jack Lemmon Chicken Soup

Emmy Gold, Emmy Gold: Game of Golds, Main, Poultry, Side, Snack, Soup

I’m most oft described as being an old man trapped in a young(ish) man’s body. In turn, that old man that lives inside me is most oft described in more detail as (extremely) grumpy. Whenever I’m told this, or catch myself shaking my fist at youths in the street, I am reminded of my dear friend and co-star in the movie series based on my life, Grumpy Old Men, Jack Lemmon.

While Jacky boy, as I used to call him, is most famous for his success on the silver screen – two Oscars, what a card! – one of his final awards was his Emmy for his turn as Morrie in Tuesdays with Morrie. As such, I decided to whip out the time machine and pay him one last visit.

I first met Jack on the set of Some Like It Hot in the ‘50s where I acted as a drag coach to Jack and Tones. Yes – I was a drag icon in the 50s and Ru is my drag daughter. Jacks was taken by my talent and we became extremely close during filming, being dear friends ever since. After finalising my first autobiographical script, I knew I needed to get Jack onboard and the hit franchise Grumpy Old Men was born.

Given the fact the catch-up was occurring via time-travel, I couldn’t run the odds with Jack so I utilised my time in the delorean – fun fact: time travel takes a lot longer than Back to the Future would have you believe – to run the odds of the male counterparts of yesterday’s discussion with Rita.

While I really want Milo to take out Best Actor in a Drama series and make Jess and Rory Emmy winners in the same year, I struggle to go past Sterling K Brown. In any event, This Is Us’ to lose. Riz Ahmed should take Best Actor in a Limited Series or TV Movie, Ron Cephas Jones will narrowly best Jeffrey Wright for Supporting Actor in a Drama and Skarsy will take out Supporting Actor in a Limited Series or TV Movie.

All that talking to myself really took it out of me. That, coupled with the fact we’re both elderly, led to me whipping up a big ol’ delicious batch of my Jack Lemmon Chicken Soup.

 

 

Oldies like Jack and I – I should mention, I travelled back to the late ‘80s when he was yet to become an Emmy winner – love a good soup, and there is no better than a Lemon Chicken one. The sour lemons, creamy eggs, sweet mint and delicate chicken come together to make you forget the fact you’re eating a mother and her children and feel content.

Enjoy!

 

 

Jack Lemmon Chicken Soup
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
4 lemons, zested and juiced
2L low-salt chicken stock
a good whack of salt and pepper
1 cup white rice
500g chicken breast, diced
3 eggs
a small handful of mint leaves, roughly chopped

Method
Combine the juice, zest and stock in a large pot with salt and pepper over medium heat and bring to the boil. Add the rice and chicken, reduce heat to low and cook for about fifteen minutes, or until the rice is tender and the chicken cooked through.

Beat the eggs in a small jug and slowly, still whisking, add about a cup of stock until a white, creamy mixture forms. Transfer said white, creamy mixture back into the pot, while stirring, until well combined.

Remove from the heat and stir through the mint leaves before serving. And then devouring.

 

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Aimiso Stanton Soup

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2017), Main, Side, Snack, Soup, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor, Jericho gave into temptation and took a jar of cookies to build his own army, which I still feel is not going to end well for him. On the other hand Tarzan couldn’t bring himself to deceive the tribe. After Asaga took out yet another immunity challenge, Tarzan continued his streak of selflessness by finding and gifting an idol to Tessa, who used it at tribal council, sending Tarzan out of the game as the fourth boot instead of their planned target Locky, who AK told to split the vote.

Back at camp, Tessa was feeling sad about Tarzan going out in the process of saving her, though things quickly turned smug when she realised that she survived the second tribal she shouldn’t have. While everyone tried to stay warm by the fire, AK confirmed that he was planning to flip on the mega-alliance as soon as he could, and intended to use the one person tribe that is Tessa.

Meanwhile at Asaga, Jericho continued to gorge on cookies while everyone slept, like a slightly more likeable version of Taylor Stocker. He then decided that he needed to expand his cookie army beyond Luke and Henry, pulling Sarah into the fold under the guise that she is the only one he could tell. Again, this will come back and bite him in the arse – mark my words!

The next day Samatau struggled to catch fish, while Tessa struggled to make friends. Given the fact that Locky is universally beloved, both AK and Tessa spoke about needing to take him out as quickly as possible. As the weather started to deteriorate, AK approached Ziggy and Jarrad to confirm that they are still tight, and vowed to pull Tessa in to make a move. Tessa, obvi was thrilled to get a second (third, or fourth) chance in the game.

That night Luke and Jericho returned to eating cookies in front of camp while everyone slept, finishing them off and sadly proving my prediction that he’s get screwed wrong. I mean, fuck, even when he went and threw crumbs on his sleeping tribe mates, it didn’t bloody backfire. I was wrong … and I will never say that ever again.

Back at Samatau, AK reminded us that he wants Locky gone at the next possible opportunity. Though Locky wasn’t 100% falling for the stories AK was telling him, he knew it was important to agree with AK before running straight over to Tara to fill her in on AK’s supposed plans. Tara then pulled Aimee aside before AK seemingly got anxious, and joined the girls to confirm he still wants Tessa gone which made Tara start to think that AK needed to go.

It shouldn’t really be a surprise when Samatau lose the next immunity, given the fact Asaga has had two scenes of cookie eating and Samatau has been complete and utter bedlam.

Wanting to see if my predictions have gotten any better, JoJo returned for the next immunity challenge where Asaga were shocked to see Tarzan booted at the last tribal council. The challenge required each tribe to form a chain while holding up discs between the hands of each tribe member, the last tribe with a single disc standing being the winner.

Once again, Henry played his fauxgi role well, coaching his tribe to breathe before Sarah and Kent became the first disc to drop. Peter and Anneliese dropped Samatau’s first disc, followed by Sam and Mark, and Jarrad and Locky, before a rapid chain of drop-outs led to a showdown between Ziggy and AK, and Henry and Mark. After more than an hour and a half of absolute struggle from AK, he and Ziggy finally dropped their disc, handing Asaga immunity and Samatau to their fourth tribal council in a row.

Before even leaving the cliff, Jarrad whispered to Tessa that they had to make a move tonight, making me extremely nervous for my thirst trap Locky. Arriving back at camp did nothing to lessen my fear, as the tribe all locked in their vote for Tessa before AK approached Tessa to float the idea of getting rid of Aimee, with Jarrad and Ziggy.

Thinking that Pete would be the best possible option to get rid of Aimee, Jarrad pulled him aside to float the idea of getting rid of Aimee. Going one further he floated the possibility of getting rid of his friend Tara, who he could see was getting very close with Locky and Aimee. Not to be outdone, Tara then pulled Tessa aside while eating to dinner to float the idea of getting rid of AK at tribal. Seeing AK’s scheming coming together, Tara, Aimee and Locky started to get more and more anxious about the numbers and approached Anneliese to lock her in to help them get rid of him.

At tribal council AK continued to feel bad about losing yet another immunity challenge before Locky pointed out that he was proud of both he and Ziggy for fighting so hard for their tribe. Putting an end to the lovefest, Tessa was asked if she still felt on the outs which she confirmed, she did … though this time, she was strangely quiet about it. The rest of the tribe all danced around how tight the alliance was before Aimee had it with the bullshit and said that the eight wasn’t as tight as they thought.

The reactions ranged from shock, delight and anxiety as the truth floated around tribal before AK tried to get the performance back on track, saying that their are eight people in the alliance and one person to vote for. Tara then decided to join in the truth bomb action, saying that they do need to start thinking of what comes next. Everyone threw out some suitable vague comments before they headed off to vote, while I popped an aspirin to get rid of my confusion induced headache.

The votes quickly started to pile up on AK, before Locky, Tara and Aimee were shocked to see them roll in for the latter, sending her out of the game as the fifth boot. Given the fact she was spewin’ and I had a headache from all the confusion, I thought I’d whip up something soothing for me and my dear friend – and personal plumber – to help us recuperate. Something like my Aimiso Stanton Soup, for instance.

 

 

I mean, sure, it isn’t a pot and a parmie at the local pub like se wanted, but I took her spewin’ comment literally, and felt it my duty to make something nourishing and spicy to help perk her up. Plus – how can you go past miso soup? It is super fresh and tasty. I’ll make you a parmie for All Stars, ok Ames?

Enjoy!

 

 

Aimiso Stanton Soup
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp sesame oil
1 tbsp dried wakame seaweed
1L vegetable stock
1 tbsp fish sauce
1 tsp oyster sauce
100g mushrooms, thinly sliced
1 tbsp sriracha
300g silken tofu, cut into 2cm dice
¼ cup white miso
1 shallot, very thinly sliced

Method
Heat the sesame oil in a pot over medium heat. Add the wakame and fry for a minute, or until fragrant. Add the stock, fish and oyster sauces, mushrooms and sriracha, reduce heat to low and cook for twenty minutes.

Add the tofu and miso and cook until miso dissolves.

Ladle into bowls, sprinkle with shallots and down, down, ay.

 

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Saramen Lacina

Main, Soup, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, Ciera exited first – not able to throw the target on to her mother, followed by Tony, Caleb, a screwed but-not-in-the-way-I-want-to-screw-him Malcolm, J.T., Queen Sandra, and a desperate Varner. Hali was once again Queen of the jury, quickly followed by Ozzy, Debbie, Zeke, Sierra, Andrea, Michaela, an eliminated by default Cirie, Aubry and Tai, leaving Troyzan and Brad to round out the final three with my girl Sarah Lacina crowned our newest Survivor.

From the very beginning, Sarah knew that she needed to change up her game if she wanted to have a chance … giving us close to 6000 separate quotes about Officer Sarah playing like a criminal. But hey, when it works, you can’t really mock her!

While Sarah was also lucky to avoid most of the pre-merge tribal councils, if they did attend she was well enough positioned that she likely would have survived all the carnage.

When some members of the jury weren’t thrilled with the way she made personal connections only to turn on people, I started to fear she was about to get the Dawn Mehan treatment. Thankfully the new jury format allowed for people to jump in and defend her, and also allowed her more time to address these issues and help win people back to her side.

Despite the heartbreak of not being able to celebrate Sandra’s third win (yet), I was super excited that my dear friend Sarah had learnt from her mistakes was able to convert that into victory. While our friendship started in a questionable manner – she arrested me during one of my wild phases – she took me under her win and tried to do the opposite of her game changers game, turning me from criminal to cop.

Sadly for her, my prior arrests nipped that in the bud … but we always stayed friends and try and catch-up as often as we can for a Saramen Lacina.

 

 

Hot, spicy, sweet and fresh – ramen is always a delicious option. Throw in barbecue pork belly and you can’t go wrong.

Enjoy!

 

 

Saramen Lacina
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
600g pork belly, skin removed (by that … 600g sans skin)
⅓ cup char siu sauce
peanut oil
4 shallots, thinly sliced
3 cloves of garlic, finely minced
1 tbsp grated ginger
4 cups chicken stock
2 tbsp tamari
2 tbsp fish sauce
2 tbsp Sriracha
200g ramen noodles
4 eggs
2 baby bok choy, quartered lengthways
100g shiitake mushrooms, thinly sliced
2 long red chilli, thinly sliced

Method
Preheat the oven to 220°C.

Brush the pork with half the char siu sauce and place in the oven for half an hour. Reduce heat to 120°C and bake for a further twenty minutes. Remove from the oven and allow to rest, brushing with the remaining char siu sauce.

While the pork is resting, heat a lug of peanut oil in a large pan over medium heat and cook the shallots, garlic and ginger for a couple of minutes, or until super, duper fragrant.

(It is now that you should also bring a small saucepan of water to the boil over high heat).

Back to the fragrant pan, slowly add the stock, tamari, fish sauce, Sriracha and 3 cups of water. Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low, add the noodles, bok choy and mushrooms, and simmer for about five minutes.

With the ramen simmering, the saucepan should be boiling, at which point you should add the eggs and cook for four minutes, or until soft boiled. Peel the eggs.

Then, slice the pork into 1cm thick pieces.

Transfer the ramen to a bowl, top with pork and an egg sliced on top. Probs avoid drizzling Sriracha over the top if you’re wanting to photograph it … but otherwise, that’s the only addition I’d suggest … before devouring your victory meal!

 

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Pumpkim Basinger Soup

Main, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold MMXVII: Gold with the Wind, Side, Snack, Soup, Vegetarian

While I like to let the lesser celebrity categories shine, I know why you drop by for Oscar Gold and that is my extreme proximity to the A-list.

And there is no one more A-list than my dear gal-pal and past Best Supporting Actress Winner, Kim Basinger.

I first met Kim through her ex-husband – and my ex/oft-lover Alec – but her kind heart and sassy nature won me over and I actually grew closer to her during their split. Thus leaking the pig-daughter tapes.

Kim and I haven’t been able to catch-up lately what with her doing the publicity rounds for Fifty Shades of I-Won’t-Show-My-Peen-and-This-Is-A-Waste-of-Your-Time, so it was such a treat to sit down and chat about the most important categories – Best Supporting and Best Actress.

Given the fact that I have a temper similar to Al’s, Kim was a bit scared to engage in any major disputes so we both landed on Viola for Supporting, despite the fact that she agreed that the previously insufferable Nicky Kid turned in such a beautiful performance that echoed her life and made you love her that it should be her taking out the crown over V’s always consistent scenery chewing.

Also … surely Mish Wills needs an overdue win sometime soon. And the post first scene was damn perfection.

She also agreed that Emma Stone was a lock because she is my friend and was cast in the musical whilst starring in Cabaret – which I saw and critiqued her in – bringing her luck. Though that being said, Isabelle Huppert is the most likely to upset any of the favourites on the night.

So yeah, discussions were robust meaning we needed something hearty that also hugged your soul like my Pumpkim Basinger Soup.

 

pumpkim-basinger-soup-1

 

Earthy, spiced and warm, this is pumpkin soup isn’t what you’d get in a can. In a good way, obvi.

All the veggies are baked first giving a depth of flavour and sweetness that is perfectly cut through by a whack of herbs and a smack of chilli. Dis good, dis real good, ok?

Enjoy!

 

pumpkim-basinger-soup-2

 

Pumpkim Basinger Soup
Serves: 100 people aka all the Baldwins … or maybe just 12 people?

Ingredients
1.5kg butternut pumpkin, cut into 3cm dice
4 cloves garlic, peeled
2 carrots, diced
2 onions, roughly chopped
2 potatoes, roughly chopped
4 pieces celery, roughly chopped
olive oil
1 tbsp dried chilli
salt and pepper, to taste
1 tbsp maple syrup, optional
bunch of sage
1L chicken stock
1 cup cream

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Place all the veggies – and realistically you could use anything you had in the fridge, capsicum is a great addition to be honest – on a lined baking sheet (or two), drizzle with olive oil and chilli, season and bake until golden and tender. About half an hour.

Once the veg are ready, transfer to a large pot, drizzle with maple syrup, add the sage leaves and fry over medium heat for a minute, reduce to low pour in the stock and simmer, stirring sporadically, for about fifteen minutes to half an hour, or until all the veggies are tender and your kitchen is smelling amazing.

Remove the pot from the heat and allow to cool for five-ten minutes and blitz thoroughly yet carefully with a stick blender until smooth and glorious. Return to low heat, stir through the cream and coook until heated through.

Serve – immediately if you like to risk burning all the skin in your mouth – and top with a drizzle of cream and some chopped sage, if you are patient enough, and devour.

 

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Tom Yum Everett Soup

A decade of saying so, Main, Side, Snack, Soup

If for some reason that you’re someone that was turned off by the unwarranted terrible reviews for Because I said So, a) fuck you but b) let me catch you up on the plot.

Diane Keaton is a nightmare mother who is concerned that her youngest daughter played by Mandy Moore hasn’t found validation in a marriage or even just a steady man or marriage, unlike her two eldest two daughters played by Loz Graham and Piper Perabo. Because hijinks need to ensue, she decides to place a personal ad for her daughter since Tinder wasn’t a thing ten years ago. She then vets the candidates (which the Republican Party probably should have done a better job of), rejecting a dreamy guitarist and trying to orchestrate a chance encounter with Tom Everett Scott.

Now don’t get me wrong, Tom is always that thing you do in my bed … but you always choose the guitarist.

Speaking of, I first met Tommy Evs on the set of That Thing You Do! Where I was working as a P.A. to my dear friend Tom Hanks. I have long been a dear friend of the Hanks-Wilson clan, so Tom trusted me when I assured him that the unknown Tommy Evs was the only person  that could play Guy.

First day on set, I approached Tommy Evs, told him that little anecdote and said, and I quote, “you owe me a life debt you little shit, so be grateful.”

Oh – I should probably mention at this point that I was so far off the wagon at the time that I wouldn’t even be able to find it and my drink of choice was rum, thus the violence.

Anyway, he was completely terrified and did everything I said before he got a case of Stockholm syndrome and we became the closest of friends.

I haven’t seen much of Tommy recently as his career has been semi-booming, with his small role as my dear Em Stone’s *spoiler* in La La Land and the father in Scream, the MTV series – let’s just take a moment to mull over the juxtaposition of those credits. Perfecto, no?

Anyway Tommy was gutted to miss out on a SAG nom for La La, so jumped at the opportunity to get together and celebrate the jewel in the crown of his credits over a delicious and fiery Tom Yum Everett Soup.

 

tom-yum-everett-soup-1

 

Now while this soup has a violent past – I used to cook it until boiling and throw it at him on set – we’ve continued to share it over the years as a way to remind him that I could turn at any given moment and me that I shouldn’t board the rum train.

Plus, how could I bare to quit something so deliciously hot and sour – enjoy!

 

tom-yum-everett-soup-2

 

Tom Yum Everett Soup
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
vegetable oil
500g chickens, cut into small pieces
1 bunch of shallots, trimmed and sliced
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 tbsp tom yum paste
1L chicken stock
2 kaffir lime leaves
4 small red chilli peppers, halved
1 tsp caster sugar
juice of a lime
1 tbsp fish sauce
handful of fresh coriander leaves, roughly chopped
salt and pepper

Method
Heat a lug of oil in a large deep frying pan and cook the chicken for about five minutes, or until browned. Add in the shallots and garlic and cook for a further minute. Stir in the tom yum paste and cook for another further minute.

Stir in the stock, lime leaves and chilli, and simmer gently for about fifteen minutes.

Stir through the sugar, lime juice, fish sauce, coriander leaves and a good whack of salt and pepper. Serve immediately and devour.

 

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Tomato Soup Clarke

Australian Survivor, Main, Side, Snack, Soup, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor, the tribe were paranoid after Nick pointed out the bleedingly obvious except for Kylie who blindly followed Brooke and Flick who got more cocky by the second and JL returned from her six week absence to win immunity before Kylie found her trust misplaced and herself out of the game.

To the joy of everyone, who did not miss her despite the fact she was a loving lapdog for the last 40 days.

Thankfully JL is making the most of her return and is reiterating what Kate and Nick said on their way out days ago – it is time to make a move and fight the power. Or something, I’m not getting my hopes up as the last six episodes have been about someone fighting the dominant alliance … only for nothing to happen.

The next day the unholy trinity met in the water for Flick and Brooke to strategise about getting rid of the boys while El did her thing and agreed with everything that was said. JL, meanwhile continued to make the most of her second chance and went to Kristie to turn the tide against the girls and actually play for herself. Then – wait for it – she approached Sue and Sam in front of everyone at camp, while Flick stared at her with more anger than my resting bitch face.

While I was hopeful that with Kylie gone the girls wouldn’t have a snitch, Matt took everything that JL had then told him – which was true and he knew it – back to Brooke. After such a triumphant episode yesterday, I’m back to hating him. Obviously this annoyed the girls and they set their sights on JL, but more importantly Brooke allowed El to tell the story and feel like she was contributing to life. Their arrogance then went overboard and I’m back to wishing for their downfalls, even though they’re the only people that have played consistently the entire game.

I’m looking at you, disappearing JL.

Finally JoJo arrived to give us some more ball action for a spitSunday roast. Sue was given the joy of sitting out of the reward and gambling for the win. Given one team had an ex-cricketer who is also experienced with my balls, she rightfully backed the winning team and got to reap the rewards of their hard work.

While the cool kids and Sue were enjoying their reward, JL got to work on wooing the sole cool kid left at camp, Flick, to consider booting Brooke, who let’s be honest will beat both her and El. The next day, JL was further on the outs with the girls now straight up ignoring her after Matt continued his assault on my sanity after telling the girls everything she had said to Flick while they were away on reward. Seriously Matt, your actions make me feel bipolar – stop.

We arrived at the next immunity challenge where the tribe had to stand on their toes and keep a block balanced between their head and a plank above – sounds boring, looks boring, genuinely difficult. Thankfully JL, the one most in need of immunity won the challenge meaning the girls had to find a new target heading into tribal.

The tribes returned to camp with the absolute shits due to JL’s victory before focusing on voting out their alliance member Matt, while JL and Sue took the time to talk smack about Matt and mock his game. Sadly, obviously, making him safe. Right on cue, the alliance then had a change of heart and decided, quite rightfully, that Sue was the next biggest threat and needed to go, and opted to split the vote between her and Kristie.

Matt then continued to show his mentalist abilities and pressed his alliance to split the vote, repeatedly, in front of Kristie … despite knowing that they were splitting the vote on her. Unless we later learn this was his move to save Kristie, this was moronic. Thankfully JL and Sue continued to show that they were the true brains, planning to throw their votes on Kristie in the hope that split happens and they can force her out of the game.

We finally made it to tribal for JoJo to put us out of our misery. Well JL actually did the job, when she opened tribal by reading Matt for absolute filth and then berated him in front of the entire tribe, impressing the jury and making him look like a dweeb.

Yes, I say dweeb now.

Wanting in on the action, JoJo then jumped on the bandwagon and started to help JL twist the knife in and rub his face in it. JLP, you beautiful bastard – finally your heavy handed approach to tribal is paying off. Flick then admitted she would need to flip to get to the end, then said she doesn’t want anyone to flip, then Sue jumped in and commenced reading the trio of girls, pointed out the entire pecking order and questioned their every refute. Thankfully Sam was still around to make no sense and not understand the game. Sadly his presence was to the detriment of Sue’s game, who made her way out of the game into my loving/frustrated arms.

I first met Sue while she was working in customs – she broke up my budgie smuggling ring and sent me to prison for a decade. Being kind, Sue responded to my prison letters and we developed a bond while she tried to help me get my life back on track.

Obviously that all occurred over a piping hot bowl of Tomato Soup Clarke, my prison weapon of choice.

 

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While I’m a huge fan of some Big Red, I’d always wanted to try making my own tomato soup and thankfully the warmth of Sue’s kitchen showed me the light and gave me the confidence to try. Warm, rich and everything Big Red isn’t, in the best way possible.

No shade to Big Red though, I love it and would be their spokesperson in a heartbeat. Enjoy!

 

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Tomato Soup Clark
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1.5kg Roma tomatoes, halved
pinch of raw caster sugar
olive oil
1 punnet of cherry tomatoes
50g unsalted butter
2 onions, roughly diced
2 carrots, roughly chopped
2 stalks celery, chopped, roughly
4 garlic cloves, bruised and chopped in half
400g can – chopped – tomatoes, how much do I love chopped things in this recipe
2 tbsp sundried tomato paste
2 bay leaves
small bunch of basil, leaves removed with some kept aside to garnish
4 cups vegetable stock
handful small buffalo mozzarella, torn

Method
Preheat the oven to 160°C.

Place the Roma tomatoes, cut-side up, on a baking tray like they are going to sunbake in the oven, rather than die. Top with sugar, drizzle with oil and season with a good whack of salt and pepper before roasting for half an hour or so, or until softened and starting to caramelise.

Remove from the oven and add their children  – aka cherry tomatoes – to the tray and bake for a further 15 minutes to ensure you’ve wiped the entire family from existence. Remove from the oven and allow to cook.

While the tomato corpses are chilling, melt the butter over medium heat in a large pan with a good lug of olive oil. Cook the remaining vegetables for a couple of minutes, until softened. Stir through the canned tomatoes and paste before adding the bay leaves, basil, stock and cooked – read, dead – tomatoes.

Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for half an hour or until tender.

Remove from the heat and allow to cool slightly before blitzing. Once as smooth as Santana feat. Rob Thomas, return to the heat and cook  for a couple of minutes before adjusting the seasoning.

Generously serve amongst the bowls and top with the torn mozzarella and reserved basil. Devour.

 

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Joe Del Campho

Main, Soup, Survivor: Kaôh Rōng

Yeah, yeah – previously on Survivor, Jason couldn’t pull off the impossible and was sent to Ponderosa despite everyone in the alliance trying to turn on each other. But this episode, seriously? Again! Another freaking medevac!?

Poor little Joey, Joe-Joe aka Rudy 2.0 found himself experiencing some severe #GastrointestinalDistress and was swiftly pulled from the game in fifth place. Confirming to Tai that, despite his fears, he goes home with his idol in his pocket.

Game, set, match editors – well played!

Anyway, let’s rewind. We got back to camp and again Joe spoke, before Michelle and Tai butted heads over Tai’s late-game villain turn after he once again flipped on his alliance for the third time.

We then headed straight to reward where Joe shocked everyone and won the reward, proving that slow and steady wins the race, and ended his anti-Anglim streak in the process.

Damn straight he #GetsItDoneAt71!

I first connected with Joe about four decades ago when we worked for the FBI together. Joe is an absolute gentleman and acted like a mentor to me, despite my questionable relationship with the law.

We stayed close throughout the years – despite my many scandals, arrests and stints in rehab – and Joe has remained a constant in my life and has always tried to help me be the best version of me. Could you imagine how bad I would have been without him?

Anyway, poor little Joe overindulged in the delicious meat at his Hef reward, despite not being a big meat guy, and sadly that was his downfall.

We heard all about Cydney upping her game (by downplaying the fact that she could literally crush everyone left in the game), Joe, Cyd and Aubry formed a final three alliance, Tai and Michelle joined forces, Aubry and Tai reconnected while Michelle and Cydney solidified their bond … all for nothing after Joe was done in, I assume, by an extreme case of meat sweats!

Having zero respect for the fact that he was just medically evacuated for stomach issues – and the fact that he is 71, to boot – I decided to go with a (potentially) digestively aggressive Joe Del Campho to welcome him to post-hospital Ponderosa.

 

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In my defense, pho was Joe and my go to meal after cracking a case / defeating the bad-guys / whatever it is we did in the FBI back in the day (I was way too high to remember those days) – it was to us, what shawarma is to the avengers, you know?

So yeah, onion, par cooked-meat and chilli isn’t a good thing on paper – but it was the ultimate comfort food for my dear old friend. Despite that, the fresh flavours, delicately cooked meat and the kick of heat and lime work together to bring you a pho that dances in your mouth.

Plus, ginger is good for you … so there is that, right? Enjoy!

 

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Joe Del Campho
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
5 cups beef stock
3cm piece ginger, finely grated
2 star anise
1 tsp fennel seeds
cinnamon quill
1 tbsp fish sauce
2 tsp soy sauce
dried pho noodles, softened in boiling water for a couple of minutes
250g beef sirloin, finely sliced across the grain
1 onion, finely sliced
4 shallots, green part only, finely sliced
⅓ cup chopped coriander
black pepper
lime wedges, to serve
sliced chillies, to serve
Thai basil leaves, to serve
bean sprouts, to serve
sriracha sauce

Method
Place stock, ginger, spices, fish sauce, soy sauce and 2 cups of cold water in a large saucepan over high heat. Cover, bring to the boil and then reduce the heat to low and simmer uncovered for 5 minutes.

Place a handful of pho noodles in a large bowl and cover with boiling water. Allow to rest until cooked through or about fifteen minutes, drain and leave to rest.

Thinly slice the steak – it helps if you freeze it for about 20 minutes before.

Remove the spices from the stock mixture with a slotted spoon.

To serve, place pho noodles in the bottom of a bowl, layer the raw steak and onion over the top and cover generously with the piping hot stock. Season generously and sprinkle on some coriander.

To eat, season to taste with lime juice and chilli and add in some basil and sprouts. As I like heat and disregard Joe’s health, I topped it up generously with some sriracha.

The heat may have got things moving?

 

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Jason Priestleek and Potato Soup

Donna Martin graduates, Main, Soup

Sadly my #1 West Bev lover, Luke is busy with the Riverdale pilot for my favourite network – and no I’m not joking – The CW, so I had to settle for my #2 (don’t ever tell him he is second), Jason Priestley.

Yes Jace is a total babe, with that glorious coif and chiseled jaw of a man beyond the teenage years he was depicting (next to Andrea … and Luke, everyone looked young so it didn’t matter), but he was also the good guy and I spent more time lusting for a bad boy like Luke.

That being said I flip-flopped, in all the ways, between the two and ended up inspiring Aaron to have Kelly torn between the two men. It was a meaty role for me off screen and her onscreen, and I’m just so glad that I was able to play such an integral part in shaping the wonder that is Kelly Taylor.

Jace and I first connected in the late 80s when he had a small guest stint on 21 Jump Street. I was working for Johnny Depp tutoring him on his favourite topic, immigration and customs law, but lost interest when he objected to my teaching methods (which went on to inspire Ms Vaughn in Billy Madison). Thankfully Jace was there to take me mind off the tragedy and I endeavoured, as I do, to make him a big, big fucking star!

The time I spent on the set of 90210 was the happiest of my life, between the affairs and the feuding, it was as dramatic as I’d imagined life on the A-list. Despite this, I was always drawn to Jace’s cool, calm demeanour – maybe his race car driving career was enough of a bad boy edge for my heart, I don’t know?

It was such a thrill to see Jace again! It has been a few year since we last caught up, with him busy working behind the camera and me, well, building this little media empire. Knowing that I was struggling with Annelie’s continued amnesia, J was more than happy to drop by and hopefully trigger her memories. It didn’t work … but thankfully I had a nice warm bowl of my Jason Priestleek and Potato Soup.

 

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Like Jace, soup is the perfect dish to have around when you’re down and feeling blue. Or craving blue cheese. Leek and potato is a dish that proves that simplicity in the kitchen, is a good thing.

It is even better with some crumbled blue cheese and crisp bacon. Simple … with a punch, right?

Enjoy!

 

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Jason Priestleek and Potato Soup
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 large onion, roughly chopped
1 garlic clove, crushed
700g desiree potatoes, roughly chopped into mid-size carcubes
2 leeks, washed, dried and thinly sliced
5 cups chicken or vegetable stock
4 rashers streaky bacon, finely diced
½ cup double cream
100g blue cheese, plus extra to garnish
salt and pepper

Method
Heat a good lug of oil in a large saucepan over medium-high heat and sweat the onion and garlic for a couple of minutes. Add the potato and leek, and cook for a further five minutes or until the leek starts to soften and the potatoes start to caramelise.

Slowly pour in the stock and bring to the boil. When bubbling like Jace and my sexual tension, reduce the heat to medium and simmer, uncovered, for fifteen minutes. Remove from the heat and allow it to rest for 10 minutes to cool.

While resting, heat up a small frying pan and cook the bacon until crisp. Remove from the pan to drain on some paper towel.

While the bacon is resting, go back to the soup like Dylan returning to Brenda and blitz with a stick blender until smooth and beautiful. Pour in the cream, crumble in the blue cheese and return to a low heat, stirring to combine / heat. Season with a good whack of salt and pepper.

Ladle the soup into bowls, crumble over bacon and some excess blue cheese and drizzle some cream. Mainly for aesthetics.

 

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Kyle Jasonion Soup

Main, Soup, Survivor: Kaôh Rōng

Previously on Survivor, everything was going fantaistically for Mark’s best friend and Aubry and Cydney rejoiced over wine (who wouldn’t), before Sargsonlye survived another tribal council as they sent my dear, sweet protege Julia to Ponderosa.

After tribal, Michelle and Sargsonyle were feeling on the outs and a miracle occurred – Rudy 2.0 finally had a speaking role.

And what an absolute dream it was!

Sargsonyle – who we learnt at tribal (not to get ahead of myself) went by Jason, despite his name being Kyle and his nickname being Sarg – was very upset that nobody was playing the game (stealing Ciera’s script from last season) to which Rudy 2.0 / old Joe explained that not playing the way he wanted, didn’t mean that people weren’t playing.

Yas, queen!

After dropping truth bombs we went to a reward challenge – it involved trios playing with balls until they slipped into holes, so you know Probst was thrilled – where Joe, despite being mega chatty, continued his hallowed anti-Anglim spree.

While J, Tai and Mich were away on reward, Joe continued to dominate the screen time, getting the girls in on the wood collecting action like an older version of Butch from The Amazon. Pissing off Cydney in the process.

Then Tai wanted Michelle out, and Michelle decided it was time to finally cut Jason while Jason also wanted Joe gone and Cydney decided that Tai should be voted out for dictating a potential Michelle boot.

By the time we made it to Tribal with immunity around Cydney’s neck, it was anyone’s game. Despite Tai using his extra vote against Michelle, it was poor, tough, aggressive Jason that made his way to jury.

I first connected with Jason when we worked together a few years back in Michigan. He was one of the best bounty hunters in southeast Michigan, I was the best (encouraging the character of Horse Renoir in the process). As crushing as that was for him, he never held it against me and looked to me for guidance.

We lost contact after I committed a whole bunch of fraud and ended up as one of his bounties, so it was quite awkward to see him in Ponderosa. Thankfully I had my Kyle Jasonion Soup to use as a distraction (slash weapon, if needed – soup be hot ya’ll).

 

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My earliest experience with french onion soup was not a pleasant one. Remember that 90s dip your mum used to make with the powder soup mix and sour cream? No, just me. It was delicious, Kraft Onion and Bacon Dip delicious and that is terrifying, embarrassing and fills me with culinary shame. Yes I would still eat both of them with a spoon, but I shouldn’t love something like them.

Pretty much what 90% of Hollywood says about me, I guess.

Once you’ve had legit onion soup however, you will both forget about the powder dip and your shame. The sweet caramelised onions mixed with the freshness of the sage and sharp bubbling cheese truly warms your soul. And considering it is soup, it also heats you up.

Perfect for the Kaoh Rong heat – enjoy!

 

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Kyle Jasonion Soup
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
30g butter
olive oil
4 red onions, peeled and chopped
4 large white onions, peeled and chopped
3 shallots, peeled and sliced
200g leeks, trimmed, washed and roughly chopped
20 fresh sage leaves, roughly chopped, reserving a couple to garnish
6 cloves garlic, peeled and crushed
2 litres vegetable stock
½ loaf of stale(ish) sourdough, thickly sliced
Handful of grated vintage cheddar cheese
Worcestershire sauce, for seasoning

Method
Heat the butter and oil over medium heat in a large pan. Add the onions, shallots, leeks, sage and leek aka everything solid, season well and give a good stir to combine. Reduce the heat to low, cover leaving the lid slightly ajar and sweat, stirring occasionally, until soft and sweet – about an hour.

Preheat the oven to 180°C.

When the onion menagerie are slimy, sweet and sexy, remove the lid, add the stock, increase the heat and bring to the boil. When boiling like Tribal Council tension, reduce the heat and simmer for about 20 minutes.

Yes, this takes a while to cook but don’t rush it. I mean, 32 days is longer so don’t even complain to Jace!

While simmering, toast the bread, top it with a generous layer of cheddar and a reserved sage leave, and bake in the oven for about 10 minutes.

When your onions and leeks are lovely and silky, add the stock. Bring to the boil, turn the heat down and simmer for 10 to 15 minutes. You can skim any fat off the surface if you like, but I prefer to leave it because it adds good flavour.

When everything is hot and ready – like me in Skarsy boudoir – ladle the soup into bowls and top with the cheese toasts and a drizzle of worcestershire.

Devour … avoiding burning your throat in the process. Being soup, that is definitely a challenge.

 

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