Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race fourteen news queens entered the Werk Room, again split into two batches of seven. Unlike last season, Ru got a little bit cheeky and implied that Orion Story and Daya Betty were felled in their respective first episodes. Only to gag the dolls by welcoming them back when everyone came together. The gags kept coming in the third episode as all the queens lined up to select a RuPaul chocolate bar with Ru explaining that after a queen loses a lip sync they would each open theirs. If it is chocolate, they sashay away as normal however if it was golden, they would live to slay another day.
So yeah, Ru is in her Wonka era now.
Sadly for June Jambalaya she did not have a golden ticket, making her the third boot that is the official first boot of the season. She was soon followed out the door by Alyssa before Kornbread’s onkle went cleek and she was medically evacuated. Orion then officially exited the competition before we farewelled Maddy and the lovely and iconic Tranos herself, Kerri Colby – that look, OMG.
After what felt like weeks of non-eliminations and the worst Snatch Game on record, Daya was delighted as Jasmine Kennedie was finally sent packing before Bosco found the golden ticket. As we had another non-elim, Ru got crafting and booted DeJa and Jorgeous in a double elimination. Only to decide that neither Angeria nor Willow deserved to miss out on a place in the finale, giving us our first ever top five.
While poor Angeria was eventually cut on finale night, alongside Daya and Bosco, Willow’s reprieve landed her the crown after a mindblowing lip sync against Camden. And well, I am absolutely thrilled for her.
On paper, Camden may have had the stronger track record but Willow’s consistent place among the top queens and her general star power always made her my favourite. In life and for the crown. I mean, list of ten of the most iconic looks of the season and Willow would be half of them. On top of that she is funny, can dance, is kind and just so damn cool. Which is why she more than deserved the crown and the piping hot Willow Country Poil.
I talk a lot of shit about seafood, particularly crustaceans since we all learned from Drop Dead Gorgeous, you just don’t know when they last cleaned their house. But a good ol’ Low Country Boil is a dish I will gladly make an exception for. Spicy, sweet and wholy life affirming, this southern classic is near perfection.
Willow Country Poil Serves: 6.
Ingredients 100g old bay or cajun seasoning 2kg small washed potatoes 3 medium red onions, peeled and thickly sliced 1kg smoked pork sausage, cut into thick coins 8 corn ears, cut in half 1.5kg prawns
Method Half-fill a large stockpot with water and stir in the seasoning. Bring to a rollicking boil and add the potatoes to the pot and bring back to the boil, cooking for 5 minutes. Add the onions and sausage and cook for 15 minutes, before adding the corn and cooking for another 10 minutes, or until the potatoes are cooked through. Stir in the prawns and cook until they turn pink, aka are cooked.
Drain the food into a colander, discarding the liquid, and serving on a platter. Or newspaper if you’re less uptight/scared of eating outside due to birds than me.
Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race the Season 14 queens came together to rehash the drama of the season. Obviously most of it revolved around Daya Betty and her bitterness, until Jorgeous stopped punching the ghosts and instead gave her a one-two punch with Jasmine. Not to be outdone by her queer sisters, Miss Maddy Morphosis was a shade canon and ideally, booked herself a ticket on an upcoming All Stars season. I mean, he did win the golden boot of the season. Most importantly of all though, is the fact that Kornbread dressed as Willow’s entrance look which was V important, alongside the fact we are down to five and finally ready to crown a winner.
We kicked off proceedings with a Viva Drag Vegas runway where June was absolute perfection, dripping in gold. Alyssa gave jungle flamenco and was oh so expensive. Kornbread was once again a star as beauty AND the beast, Orion was a glamour dragon, Maddy rocked lady Elvis chic, Kerri came as her iconic, mother-tucking Tranos meme, Jasmine gave full baby Alyssa Edwards realness, DeJa served Alexis Mateo realness and Jorgeous was a classic silver showgirl. Then the top five arrived with Angeria stunning and stopping the show in blue, Bosco was a glamour demon, Daya gave bubblegum burlesque realness, Lady Camden was a perfect pink horse and cart before Willow stole the show in red with a blade for an arm.
Oh and then Ru straight up lowered from the ceiling surrounded by a fan of chocolate bars and the zaddy pit crew. And this, is queer culture people.
Ru opened the show announcing that once again it is chocolate, before getting to the format of this ‘ere finale where the top five would face off in a Showgirl Showdown. First the dolls would each do a solo performance to a song they feel speaks to their vibe. From that, Ru and Michelle – or just Ru, TBH – would select a top two with that duo then lip syncing for the crown. Oh and then Michelle arrived and gave Ru the key to the city in honour of April 22 being declared RuPaul day in Las Vegas. Everybody say love!
Up first was the one and only, the iconic, Angeria Paris Van Michaels! And girl, her original Check My Track Record was perfection from start to finish. She looked perfect, she was silly and camp, she hit every move and every letter. And well, the pit crew in gold lame were just as stunning as I needed them to be. In the Q&A portion of the evening, Angeria leaned into her country charm and was a ball of pure delight. Living for the fame and just loving everything that was coming her way. Oh and then her dad announced she won her first crown in kindergarten and, of course! And then he encouraged parents to just love and support their kids and I love her parents too. We bounced back to Angeria who said that above all else, drag taught her that you can do anything you put your mind to.
When it came to Bosco, her song Devil was creepy and kooky and well, she looked stunning. She slowly revealed herself from being an angel to a full blown – word of the day – demon, complete with bloody mouth and well, I lived for her. She opened up to Ru about how drag helped take her to different places. She shared how shocked she was to leave the race with a sisterhood when she didn’t think that would happen. Bosco’s boyfriend and her dear friend Lucy were there in the crowd and were so silly and cute while Bosco was grateful for drag teaching her exactly who she wants to be.
Daya’s performance was kinda hypnotic, as she emerged from a cocoon to be a full blown blue and orange bug and well, it was stunning. Days spoke about how she grew up determined to take out the win and that Crystal encouraged her to grow a mullet before the show. She told Ru that her passion was to do weird shit and be bold. Her boyfriend Tanner and the third Methyd sister were so proud to see her make it to the finale, before she encouraged everyone watching to always get back up and fight through things.
Lady Camden’s I Fell Down (I Got Back Up) was silly, operatic and well, damn show stopping. She gave high heel ballet, served reveals and well, she needs to be in the top. Camden opened up about her passion for theatrics from her childhood to now and how much she loves Queen. Oh and if she had her time over, she would be herself from the very start. Camden’s mother and drag mother were an adorable comedy duo, bantering with Ru and being cute. Oh and Camden is now vers, or something?
Rounding out the individual performances, Willow’s song I Hate People was wacky and wonderful. And oh so relatable. I mean, who doesn’t hate people? She then revealed two extra heads on her shoulders and a fourth in her panties and well, crown her now. She is a damn star! Her Q&A with Ru was silly, fun and charming, with Ru clearly delighting in her silliness as she introduced the extra faces as Carson, Ross and Michelle in her panties. Oh and she was so proud to have come into the women she is. Her mum and sister were super chill and friendly, giving all the support and I love them. Particularly when the sister read Ru about the H&M disaster. By the time Willow explained drag was just mental illness and rhinestones, there was no way she was losing the crown.
Jaida, Kameron, Trinity, Derrick, Kahana and Naomi – aka the cast of RuPaul’s Drag Race Las Vegas Live – took the stage to perform losing is the new winning and girl, it was a good ad. Particularly as the eliminated queens joined them. Oh and then we celebrated the iconic Queen of Vegas, Hot Chocolate. And ugh, I love her too! Can they do a legends season with her, Bunny, Coco Peru, Dame Edna and Vanessa Wagner?
The top five returned to the stage where they learnt, via roulette wheel no less, that the top two are none other than Lady Camden and Willow Pill. Which makes me infinitely happier with my choice to go alphabetically with recipes, rather than reverse.
As the top two went backstage to get ready for the final lip sync, the eliminated queens were joined by the iconic Symone who looked PERFECT. She was then joined by Lala Ri who looked stunning in a chandelier looking gown with nary a bag in sight as she quickly handed the Miss Congeniality baton over to Kornbread and ugh, I live, I am so happy for her.
But now, for the moment we’ve all been waiting for, Lady Camden and Willow Pill took the stage for their final lip sync. Willow wearing a hilariously oversized pinstripe suit for, no doubt, some reveals. While Camden’s were far better hidden in a royal ballet outfit. As soon as Cher’s version of Gimme Gimme Gimme kicked off, both the queens played into their strengths. Camden was emotional and gave all the clean lines while Willow was stupid and fun, shaking off her jacket and revealing her outfit was just massive pants. She then duck-walked the stage before her final reveal while Camden tried to repeat the Freddy Mercury reveal, this time sadly getting the wigs caught. In any event, they both fought valiantly, bouncing off each other and having the most damn fun.
Sadly though, there can only be one winner – well, except for our twinners Monet and Trinity – and despite a strong showing from Camden, it was Willow Pill who rightly took home the crown.
Despite losing the competition, Camden was an absolute delight backstage. Though since the runner-up now gets cash, I guess that makes sense. Oh and the fact she has won more money than every Drag Race UK winner combined, probably doesn’t hurt. Plus, she had an epic, iconic run and while she started off quiet, once she came out of her shell, she stole the damn show. Making her not only the perfect runner-up or future All Stars winner, but recipient of a congratulatory batch of Crumbed Lady Camdenbert.
Crunchy and crisp on the outside, soft and gooey on the inside, this is the ultimate comfort food. And more importantly super easy – a couple of cut, a quick crumb and fry and you’re in heaven.
Crumbed Lady Camdenbert Serves: 4.
Ingredients ⅓ cup plain flour 2 eggs, lightly whisked 1 cup panko breadcrumbs 200g camembert cheese, cut into 12 wedges vegetable oil, to deep-fry
Method Pop the flour, eggs and breadcrumbs into their own bowls. Coat the camembert in the flour, skating off the excess before dipping in the egg, followed by the breadcrumbs. Pressing firmly to coat, before popping on a lined plate.
Pour about 6cm deep oil in a medium pan and place over medium-high heat, and once hot, cook in batches for a couple of minutes, or until crisp and gooey. Transfer to a paper towel and repeat the process until they are all done. Then devour, regally.
Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race the final five were tasked with writing and recording their own verse for Ru’s new single Catwalk. And star in the music video after designing a runway worthy outfit for the shoot. So like Erika Girardi-Jayne, yeah, they were under a lot of stress. While Daya arguably stomped the competition, Camden giving the judges something different gave her her third and final win of the season. After Bosco was sent to safety, Angeria and Willow were left to lip sync for the last spot in the finale before Ru gagged them by giving us our first top five fighting for the crown.
But before that, the dolls had to reune. Third-but-officially-first boot June came to slay in an all orange number, Angeria was perfection in lilac, Bosco had my heart as a Super Mario boss, Daya was golden, Camden was gothic glamour and Willow was demented and delightful. But it was Kornbread’s look which stole the show, riffing on Willow’s entry line though with ‘angle’ switched out for ‘ankle’ and ugh, I live. Ru opened the show by acknowledging his passion for keeping the girls around and leaving a bunch of episodes without an elimination before an epic recap of the season that was and damn, girl, even I was crying.
Kerri spoke about how universally beloved she is and how amazing it was to open for JLo with Jorgeous and Alyssa. Oh and how weird it is to be recognised, which isn’t overly interesting except for Camden reading Orion for looking like Kelly Mantle on the reunion stage. June was delighted to be a meme queen for her first chocolate moment, though wished she didn’t wear a little pussycat wig when it happened. Kornbread spoke about how heartbreaking it was to be medically removed before shading the girls and assuring them Snacth Game would have been better if she was there. We then recapped Kornbread’s family trauma before learning that the show helped them heal and that they even all attended one of her gigs in South Carolina recently.
We then recapped Jasmine and Kornbread’s drama with the latter admitting that she was not the only person wanting Jasmine to shut up, just the only person not editing themselves on TV. Camden praised Jasmine for taking it with such a good attitude and for becoming a relentless beacon of happiness and joy. As she cockroached through the season.
Speaking of insects, we then addressed the drama between Daya and Jasmine and well Daya looked pissed as they waited for the recap to end. When it did, she admitted that she stands by everything she said, before blaming Jasmine for always poking her at the wrong time. Jasmine then straight up destroyed her, pointing out that she was rude and hateful but Jasmine always only came back in a respectful tone. Jorgeous then jumped in and pointed out that Daya’s attacks were personal and it came across like she had no respect for either of them. While she tried to accept that and explain herself, Alyssa cut her off and called her a bitch which led to Daya breaking down in tears while June jumped in and spoke about how Daya is a genuinely kind person but just may not handle the stress well.
This annoyed Alyssa and Orion before Maddy jumped in to point out a bunch of queens have been shady and were saying the same things that Daya had done and as such, they need to stop being so harsh on her. Which led to Jasmine tearing her a new one before Kerri jumped in, summed it up, pointed out Daya is getting way too much hate and horrible treatment online and then got everyone to be friends again. And Daya acknowledged that she is fairly certain she is just an older version of Jasmine.
We then addressed Alyssa being the trade of the season before she admitted to being single and hung. Which again, is important. Very important.
All loved up, Camden and Angeria spoke about their passion for each other. Which essentially is just their accents. And um, ARE THEY ACTUALLY DATING?! Ru then outed Jorgeous’ showmance with Orion and damn, I’d watch that porno. I mean, they held hands on the bus back to the hotel and ugh, I live. We then pivoted to the Kornbread and Willow platonic love story with Willow admitting that she is going to get Kornbread’s broken ankle tattooed on her arse.
Maddy opened up about how great (and horrible) the fandom had been, though was grateful for the unwavering support of her sisters. With Angie and Alyssa talking about how great it was to show some diversity, before Maddy reiterated that not all straight people should get into drag. Oh and then said that people need to deal with their toxic masculinity to end homophobia and transphobia and, ugh, I love her still. Particularly after we recapped her fight with Jasmine with them admitting that they just leaned into the moment and while it escalated and went off the rails, they were gassing themselves up for the lip sync and loving it. While Willow loved that that is the moment where she realised she was finally on the show.
We then spoke about Jasmine coming out as trans during Untucked and damn, it was still just as emotional, but seeing the dolls rally around each other was just beautiful. Jasmine opened up about how huge the moment was, though she is grateful to finally be living her truth. Kerri joked that she was glad to have another trans sister, before speaking about how she desperately wanted to keep the heart in the moment to make sure Jasmine knew that she was loved and how special she is. Ru then asked about the experiences of all the trans queens in the season with Bosco talking about how she has received nothing but love from the fans. Kornbread said she was nervous about her own coming out, knowing she had to address it with her family while Willow joked that she was glad to now be living her life with even bigger cheeks.
We then addressed the Bosco and Camden Moulin Ru! fight, with Bosco admitting she had no issues and while she was a bitch, she reminded everyone that drag queens are bitches. Bosco then screamed at Camden about how much she loves her and damn, their play-fight was amazing.
Kerri then recapped the myriad of fights of the reunion thus far before they looked into everyone’s runways. And while it was fun, somehow Orion decided to come for Kerri about her ACTUAL J-Lo look. Maddy was then gifted the Golden Boot award for her Maddy and Daddy Morphosis look. Kornbread admitted that she did pay Daya for eating a dragonfly, Orion was disappointed to have missed Girl Groups and Snatch Game and DeJa did a cameo as Lil Jon.
Ru opened the library for the dolls that missed the challenge with Maddy slaying, telling June she should be named February instead and called out Camden for not having a lip. Alyssa then read Orion for being bland and boring, June read Jasmine for being destroyed in the Snach Game lip syncs and Kornbread for shit shoes, then Kornbread read her for filth for literally everything. And well, then Orion bombed. Badly. Leading to Maddy suggesting she should change her name, given you can’t be a story if you can’t read. Oh and Kornbread read DeJa for only having 12 followers.
Daya then closed the show by apologising to Jasmine and Jorgeous but encouraged both of them to call her whenever they needed as her phone is literally always on. With the duo both agreeing that it will take time, but there are no hard feelings. Oh and then Maddy was hilarious, calling Ru heterophobic for putting two design challenges so close together when she would have slayed so many more.
The focus turned to the top five, with Angeria’s low point being Snatch Game while her high point was Ru talking about being consistently impressed by her. Bosco’s low was everyone wanting her to go home but her high point was talking shit about people to victory for all of her wins. Daya’s low point was being sent home first, which was her high point too because it woke her the fuck up. Camden’s low point was looking a mess like the Family Guy creep in the girl group challenge while her high was winning three challenges and surprising everyone. Willow’s low point was Kornbread leaving while her high point was popping spaghetti in the bath. Which is iconic.
And just like that, the reunion was done and I went done the alphabet before hissing at Bosco to get over here and come celebrate her killer run with me. From start to finish, I lived for everything Bosco had to offer from her sass to her chill vibe and kooky aesthetic. And while I don’t want to get into my conspiracy theory that she was only ever eliminated because she had the golden ticket, that dip – and Snatch Game, but they all sucked – was the only real low point of her run and as such, I don’t count her out in the race for the crown just yet. And if she does lose, she’ll alway have Boskorean Beef Dumplings, I guess!
A little bit punchier that a regular dumpling, these babies have a glorious little kick on the inside. While still being juicy, sweet and wrapped in a beautifully pillowy dough. Aka, you know they are good and I love them. Just like Bosco.
Boskorean Beef Dumplings Serves: 8.
Ingredients 500g beef mince 1 onion, finely diced 1 cup wombok, shredded and wilted ½ cup firm tofu, finely diced 100g glass noodles, soaked in boiling water and roughly chopped 5 garlic cloves, minced 1 tbsp soy sauce 1 tbsp sesame oil 1 tbsp gojuchang 1 tsp kosher salt 1 tsp ground black pepper 40 gow gee wrappers
Method Combine everything but the gow gee wrappers in a large bowl and mix together with your hands.
Lay out the wrappers on a bench and place a tablespoon of filling in the centre of each. Dip a finger in water and wet the edges before folding, pleating and mashing them closed – depending on skill level or care for the aesthetic. Repeat the process until they are all gone.
To cook, get a steamer going over high heat and cook the dumplings, 5-10 at a time depending on the size, for about 5-10 minutes, or until the wrapper is gorgeously soft and silky and the filling cooked. Repeat until all dumplings are done, replenishing the water as needed.
Devour immediately with whatever sauce you fancy.
You can also freeze them uncooked in an airtight container and cook them from frozen, giving them an extra couple of minutes in the steamer to defrost.
Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race the top seven roasted Ross despite, in a lot of ways, life already doing a stellar job (I joke, I love friend-of-the-blog, Ross!). On the (echoy, billowing) (w)hole, Bosco was hilarious, Jorgeous was delightfully demented and bad, Daya was nervous and DeJa was a straight up mess. Ultimately Bosco won her third challenge of the season, while Ru gagged the dolls by having the bottom three lip sync before sending DeJa and Jorgeous home, giving Daya one final reprieve.
Backstage the dolls were gagged to have lost not one but two of their sisters, while everyone was quick to praise Daya for turning it out in the lip sync. She admitted that she was nervous about facing off against the duo given DeJa had already beaten her once before and Jorgeous had straight up sent half the cast home. After congratulating Bosco on yet another win, Angeria asked everyone to confirm their win numbers with Willow confident it is still anyone’s game despite her and Daya only having one win each. And while I agree it could still be her game, I’m not so sure about Daya.
The next day the top five were truly jubilant to have made it this far, with Angeria talking about their groundbreaking status as the first top five with two eliminated queens. Which is shady boots and I live! Before Daya could kill anyone, Ru arrived to task the girls with their final Maxi Challenge where they would be starring in the music video for Ru’s song Catwalk. Oh and to make things more difficult they will write and record their own verse, learn the choreo and design a catwalk gown to feature in the video. All after chit chatting over tic tacs with Ru and Michelle.
The girls were feeling very serious as they split up to start working on their runway outfits with Bosco assuring everyone her look will be more than corsets and panties. While her verse would mock that exact penchant. Angeria meanwhile would be rapping her verse instead of singing and uh, she is so damn cute. Willow however was struggling and threatened to scat her way through the verse – which would be an absolute serve – with Angie just desperate for both of them to make it to the end. While Bosco just wanted to keep up with her sickening sisters.
Speaking of Bosco, she was first to lunch with Ru and Michelle, talking about how proud she was of her run. Admitting that she was glad to stumble and almost go home as it helped reinvigorate her. She opened up about being shocked about how well she has done, while Michelle was shady as hell about her bra and panties love. Daya meanwhile was super confident about her place in the competition, while Ru joked that she was shocked she was still here. Until she came out in Daytona Wind. She opened up about her journey with diabetes, which delighted Ru and Michelle who lived for quoting Steel Magnolias. Angeria opened up about her love for her parents and her 8 drag kids, and again, she is adorable and I live for her. Willow Pill’s discussion was opened with a monologue about Ru’s love for her before Willow spoke about her illness and she was so open and uplifting that, well, I was crying. Oh and then Camden was sweet, kind and vulnerable and ugh, winner winner, FIVE chicken dinners!
Shoot day arrived with everyone delighted to see their outfits come to life, though Willow was concerned about Bosco designing a soccer-mum-does-space look. They quickly ventured to the set where Michelle assured them that the pace will be super fast and they need to step it up, which terrified Angeria since she struggled with choreography. As she got more and more in her head, Michelle tried to remind her that dancing is but one component of the challenge and to just trust herself and sell it. Oh and then they were immediately put to the test shooting the video with Angie oh so charming, while Bosco was fierce. Before she had to pick up her space kids, obviously. Willow was sleepy, Camden’s legs were burning and Daya was a damn star. And ugh, do I love to see that now?
Elimination Day arrived with all of the girls struggling to comprehend the fact that they are finally at the end of the competition. Feeling wistful, Angie asked everyone how they felt about her when they first met with both Daya and Willow admitting she was such a threat to them, though Willow pointed out that out of drag, she found her to be wild. Angie admitted that she found Willow to be shy but knew to be patient and now they’re in love. Bosco admitted to being impressed by Daya fighting from being a first out to still be here, while Camden joked about the fact everyone underestimated her until the Daytona Wind. And ugh, they’re such cuties, I love them (or have had too much wine, TBH).
It was family only as Ru, Michelle, Carson and Ross took their places for the You’re a Winner, Baby runway where Bosco looked a million bucks giving a Marilyn, Madonna and Bosco hybrid. Despite it being a little too big. Angeria gave full glamour in a shimmering black gown and ugh, it do take nerve. Daya was a burnt out mess in yellow, Camden was perfect in a shimmering, silver ball gown and damn, she looked expensive. While Willow stole the damn show as a rat princess. And just crown her now. As far as the film clip went, Camden was an absolute star and slayed the game. Willow was charming and fierce, Angeria was delightful, Daya was ferocious and ate everything up while Bosco gave wit and glamour.
The judges lived for everything Bosco served this week, while they worried she was a bit nervous in the music video. The judges were thrilled by her track record, coming in as a burlesque queen though she only won comedy challenges and ugh, I love her. Angeria too received universal praise, particularly for being so damn consistent on the runway over the season. And despite the fact she struggled in the music video, they loved her. Daya received universal praise for all that she did this week with the judges thrilled to see her step out of Crystal’s shadow over the season. Camden was praised for going outside of her comfort zone in the final challenge, along with slaying the game. Oh and they felt she was a star from start to finish. Willow meanwhile was praised for absolutely destroying the competition and being a star, despite not giving face or hitting her own lyrics in the performance.
When it came to talking to six year old Bosco, she encouraged herself to just accept who she was and to be completely, unapologetically herself. And to shut out the haters. Baby Angeria was adorbs and she rightly praised the hell out of him for being a star, reminding him to say fuck you to the bullies and appraciate her parents. Baby Daya Betty was so damn cute, with big ol’ Betty encouraging her to stop worrying about everyone and everything and to just let go. Lady Camden told her younger self to hold on to her dreamer energy and cut out the hateful shit that people will say to her and not let dark moments take you over. Willow immediately started sobbing as she reminded her younger self to just focus on letting go and embracing what the world has to offer. And like Ru and Michelle, I was in damn tears.
Ultimately Daya Betty was sent through to the grand finale before Camden was gagged to take out her third win of the season. Bosco was then deemed safe leaving besties Angeria and Willow to battle for the final place in the finale. To Telephone by my dear friends Lady Gaga and Beyonce and damn, the dolls were equally desperate to make it to the end. They put on such a fucking show, working together, that it was only right that for the first time in Drag Race Herstory, both queens were going to the finale and the TOP FIVE would be competing for the crown.
And while I was glad to see it, I have quotas to meet and had hit my limit with the non-eliminations of the season. As the top five were celebrating their success backstage, I went backstage with a trusty clip board and looking like the confused lady in the prison show I figured out this thing called alphabetical order and requested Angeria come with me to celebrate her successes. I mean, since Daya already received culinary comfort and she scares me, I’m already not planning a new recipe for her, so what does it matter if our winner gets a recipe a little early?
Confused and a little nervous by our pre-elimination catch-up – I make the queens think I have a lot more power over the season than I do – I explained this all to Angeria before praising her on being such a consistent performer this season. I mean, over the course of the first five weeks Angeria could have won every single challenge and while the other queens have raised the bar to meet her in recent weeks, her few stumbles have never been major. I mean, I for one lived for her take on Tammie Brown, but that was because it was bad. As such, I whip her up a Tortellini Zuppa Toscangeria Paris VanMichaels to toast her success and wish her well for the finale.
While I love me some potatoes, Half Baked Harvest’s version of this soup with tortellini truly changed the game. So with a few minor tweaks and changes, I knew I had something worthy of honouring Angeria’s run. Warming, spicy and oh-so-smooth, this is the perfect soup for a race well run.
Tortellini Zuppa Toscangeria Paris VanMichaels Serves: 6.
Ingredients 6 rashers streaky bacon, diced 6 Italian sausages 1 onion, diced 2 celery stalks, trimmed and sliced 1 carrot, peeled, halved and sliced 6 garlic cloves, minced 2 tsp chilli flakes 8 cups chicken stock ½ cup Toni Basil Pesto ¼ cup sun-dried tomatoes, drained and roughly chopped 1 lemon, zested and juiced salt and pepper, to taste 4 cups baby spinach, washed and dried 500g tortellini, I went with chicken but honestly, do whatever you prefer ¾ cup cream ½ cup grated parmesan cheese, plus extra for eatin’
Method Pop the bacon in a dutch oven over medium heat and fry for about five minutes, or until starting to crisp. Remove the sausage skins and pop the meat into the pot alongside the onion and cook, breaking up with the wooden spoon, for a further five minutes or so, or until the meat is cooked through. Add the celery, carrot, garlic and chilli flakes and cook for a couple of minutes.
Stir in the stock, pesto, sun-dried tomatoes, lemon zest and juice and a good whack of salt and pepper. Bring to the boil before reducing to a simmer before stirring in the spinach and tortellini. Cook for about five minutes before stirring through the cream and parmesan and removing from the heat.
Serve immediately with a generous sprinkle of extra parmesan. And devouring. Like a star.
After a hint of Megs and a dash of Shirls, we’ve arrived at the televisual stardom section of my egg-based ritual. And based on her successful post-Precious TV career with The Big C, American Horror Story: Coven through Hotel and Empire, my girl Gabs Sidible was the only person worthy of joining me for day three of this year’s Easter Meggstravaganza.
I’ve known Gabs for years after meeting on the set of Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire. I was there visiting my part-time lover Lenny Kravtiz and was immediately drawn in by her performance and vowed to make her a star, and get her an Oscar. While she was robbed by my frenemy Sandra Bullock – she should have been robbed by Meryl instead – she never held my inability to bring Bullsy down against me.
Given how busy I’ve been being Miley and the sort, and she is still hard at work on Empire, Gabs and I haven’t had the chance to catch-up in a while. And let me tell you, it was such a treat to see her again.
She was not only so excited to see me again and reconnect, but also help bring Megs the renewed fame she deserves. We laughed, we hugged, we plotted my way into American Horror Story and finally put on our ritualistic robes and devoured a Gaberry Soufflibe.
Don’t let the terrible photos scare you – the air conditioning really did a number on them – these babies are damned near perfection. Light, sweet and full of berrylicious tang, it is the most fun you can have with your clothes on. Or off, TBH.
Gaberry Soufflibe Serves: 6.
Ingredients ½ cup raw caster sugar 100g blueberries 100g raspberries 1 tsp vanilla extract 1 tbsp cornflour 2 egg whites icing sugar, to serve
Method Preheat oven to 200°C.
Combine the ¼ cup of sugar, berries, vanilla and cornflour in a saucepan over medium heat with 2 tablespoons of water. Bring to a boil over high heat and cook for five minutes or so, or until broken down and thickened. Remove from heat and allow to cool for an hour or so.
When you’re ready to rock and or roll, place the remaining sugar in the bowl of a stand mixer with the egg whites and beat until stiff peaks form. Fold through the berry mixture and pour into 6 small ramekins, place on a lined baking sheet and bake for ten minutes or until risen (like Megs’ career, yo).
It should come as absolutely zero surprise what with the process of elimination and the fact the show is named after him, that we’re rounding out our Fete de Festivus with a date with my dear friend slash protege, Jerry Seinfeld. What – you didn’t know I taught him everything he knows?
He first caught my eye during his appearances on Benson and I took him under my wing, guiding his career from Johnny Carson, to Letterman and eventually introduced him to Larry David. The rest, as they say, is history.
Given how busy Seiny has been with his Netflix deal, we haven’t seen much of each other lately so it was such a treat to pop on our puffy shirts and ring in Christmas – by way of Festivus, of course – with a big fat Cherry Seinfeld Cheesecake.
Tart and sweet, creamy, rich and packed full of spice, this cheesecake is festive perfection. And super simple, which is perfect if you want to focus on your drinking. And who doesn’t?
Oh, and from our crazy family to yours, Merry Christmas! We’re taking a short break and will be back in the new year … or maybe a bit before. Dun dun DUUUUNNNN!
Cherry Seinfeld Cheesecake Serves: 12.
Ingredients 1 cup frozen pitted cherries ¼ cup muscovado sugar 2 tsp ground cinnamon ½ tsp mixed spice 200g butternut snap biscuits, crushed 100g butter, melted 500g cream cheese ½ cup raw caster sugar ½ cup thickened cream 3 tsp gelatine powder, dissolved in ¼ cup boiling water
Method Place the cherries, muscovado sugar, cinnamon and mixed spice in a small saucepan over medium heat and cook for about fifteen minutes, or until it beautifully scented and reduced. Transfer to a heatproof bowl and place in the fridge to cool.
Combine the biscuit crumbs and melted butter, and press into the base of a 20cm springform pan and refrigerate while you make the filling.
Beat the cream cheese in an electric mixer until smooth. Reduce speed to low and add in the sugar, cream and gelatine until smooth and combined.
Fold through the chilled cherries, and pour the mixture into the chilling pan and return to the fridge for a few hours to set.
Remove from the fridge half an hour before serving and devour.
There is no way you could throw a Werewolf Bar Mitzvah without the man behind the man behind the fake hit parody song that inspired our halloween party, Tracy Morgan.
I mean, it sucks that Teens and Al are too busy to drop by and help us celebrate … but as long as we get to celebrate with the wild, entertaining, King and Queen of Crazy, everything will be right with the world.
We haven’t been able to spend as much time together as we’d like since his tragic accident in 2014, with the focus being on him getting better. I mean sure, I dropped in monthly to assist with his rehab and to help him on his way but being able to host him for a party just feels like such a treat and makes it feel like the good old days.
I’ve known Trace since we were kids growing up in the Bronx together, where I encouraged him to pursue comedy to give me some coattails to ride.
Despite being banned from SNL by Lorne Michaels all those years ago, 30 Rock finally gave Annelie and I the opportunity to work with our friends in 30 Rock where Trace was our chief defender when anything would go missing – which we obvi had stolen – or something went wrong.
Fun fact: we went on to inspire Grizz and Dot Com.
Anyway, Trace was so excited to be able to drop by again now that he is well again. Despite the fact that he has a history with alcohol abuse, I couldn’t go past whipping up a spooky, celebratory Tracy Morganrita to mark the occasion.
Who doesn’t love a fresh marg – amirite, Julie Cooper-Nichol? Throw in some blood red tomato juice and a dash of tabasco and you’ve got a scarily good beverage, complete with the heat from the fires of hell.
Tracy Morganrita Serves: 1.
Ingredient ¼ cup tomato juice ½ cup soda water 2 shots tequila dash of lime juice dash of tabasco lime wedges and salt, to serve
Method Combine all the liquids in a salt-rimmed glass. Stir. Serve garnished with a lime wedge. Devour.
Despite all of his pre-show panic and nerves, Chris is going to do such a great job hosting next weekend – he barely even needed me to tart up his script and makes the jokes punchier! He will perfectly balance the important political message of equality with humour and heart … but I’m giving too much away.
Chris and I have always had a very hands-on but not in the way you’d expect from me relationship, standing together during the good times and the bad and helping each other whenever the other is in a personal, professional or spiritual pickle.
I spent the early 90s enjoying life as part of his entourage at 30 Rock while he was on SNL – it was pre-Lorne’s ban – before encouraging him to focus on his fledgling movie career with such hits as the shockingly Oscar-snubbed Sgt. Bilko.
We were kept apart for a decade or so by geography with my many stints in rehab and prison, but that never lessened our bond and when catching-up it is always like no time has passed.
With important work to do finalising his script, I knew there was only one thing to do – make him his favourite Chris Rocky Road.
As I rule, I grew up hating rocky road as jelly was foul and pink marshmallows confused me – I also thought it was spelt Rocklea Road and that angered me. I was, obviously, thrown into a fit of rage when once Chris requested some in the SNL writers room until he explained both the correct spelling and that pink marshmallows can just be binned.
With that I got to work combining all of our favourite things, peanut butter, pretzels and chocolate and the sweet, salty and ultimately glorious Chris Rocky Road was born.
Chris Rocky Road Makes: 24 large chunks.
Ingredients 100g peanut butter chips 250g dark chocolate 150g milk chocolate 175g soft butter 60ml golden syrup 200g pretzels 150g peanuts 150g freeze-dried strawberries, roughly chopped 100g white marshmallows, chopped icing sugar, for dusting
Method Place peanut butter chips in the freezer.
Melt the dark and milk chocolate with the butter and syrup in a heavy bottomed saucepan over a low heat.
Place the pretzels in a freezer bag and bash them with a rolling pin to get a variety of sized pieces.
Empty into a large bowl with the peanuts, strawberries and marshmallows. Take the pan of the heat and mix the chocolate through to combine. Remove the peanut butter chips from the freezer and mix through.
Tip the mix into a lined square baking tray, smoothing it as much as possible. Place in the fridge until firm enough to set and cut, a couple of hours.
Place on a plate, dust with icing sugar and devour.
Much has been made of the annual #OscarsSoWhite campaign with many of my dear friends missing out on nominations, Will Smith not included – he broke my heart in the 80s when he ended our engagement knows what he did.
Thankfully the great Cheryl Boone Isaacs had the good sense to ignore the overwhelmingly privileged white, middle-aged men that dominate the membership (also, thanks for working to correct the imbalance, Chez) and hire my dear friend and confidante Chris Rock for this year’s hosting gig.
Chris and I first connected in New York in the 80s when we were both being mentored by Eddie Murphy. While I spent more time honing my suggestive outfits rather than my craft – I wanted Eddie to marry me, obviously – Chris was always destined to be a star.
With Chris busy prepping for his role hosting Hollywood’s night of nights, he gave me a buzz to come over and provide him with some much needed moral support (and assistance writing jokes).
What will give us energy to brainstorm while saying break a leg but not literally as it would be in poor taste for me to turn up impersonating you in blackface as a replacement host? Even I know that is not funny or appropriate!