Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Gaberry Soufflibe

14th Annual Easter Meggstravaganza, Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

After a hint of Megs and a dash of Shirls, we’ve arrived at the televisual stardom section of my egg-based ritual. And based on her successful post-Precious TV career with The Big C, American Horror Story: Coven through Hotel and Empire, my girl Gabs Sidible was the only person worthy of joining me for day three of this year’s Easter Meggstravaganza.

I’ve known Gabs for years after meeting on the set of Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire. I was there visiting my part-time lover Lenny Kravtiz and was immediately drawn in by her performance and vowed to make her a star, and get her an Oscar. While she was robbed by my frenemy Sandra Bullock – she should have been robbed by Meryl instead – she never held my inability to bring Bullsy down against me.

Given how busy I’ve been being Miley and the sort, and she is still hard at work on Empire, Gabs and I haven’t had the chance to catch-up in a while. And let me tell you, it was such a treat to see her again.

She was not only so excited to see me again and reconnect, but also help bring Megs the renewed fame she deserves. We laughed, we hugged, we plotted my way into American Horror Story and finally put on our ritualistic robes and devoured a Gaberry Soufflibe.

 

 

Don’t let the terrible photos scare you – the air conditioning really did a number on them – these babies are damned near perfection. Light, sweet and full of berrylicious tang, it is the most fun you can have with your clothes on. Or off, TBH.

Enjoy!

 

 

Gaberry Soufflibe
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
½ cup raw caster sugar
100g blueberries
100g raspberries
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tbsp cornflour
2 egg whites
icing sugar, to serve

Method
Preheat oven to 200°C.

Combine the ¼ cup of sugar, berries, vanilla and cornflour in a saucepan over medium heat with 2 tablespoons of water. Bring to a boil over high heat and cook for five minutes or so, or until broken down and thickened. Remove from heat and allow to cool for an hour or so.

When you’re ready to rock and or roll, place the remaining sugar in the bowl of a stand mixer with the egg whites and beat until stiff peaks form. Fold through the berry mixture and pour into 6 small ramekins, place on a lined baking sheet and bake for ten minutes or until risen (like Megs’ career, yo).

Dust with icing sugar and devour.

 

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Moroccan Lamb Gaffnizza

Bread, Main, Party Food, Snack

So I know I was kind of rambling the other day – probably still spooked from the Werewolf Bar Mitzvah and the fear that the Sanderson Sisters were coming for my youth, but I have been friends with the delightful Mo Gaffney for years, after meeting her through my childhood friend Kathy Najimy.

Does it make more sense now?

Anyway, I played an integral part Kathy and Mo’s Mo’s success, getting Kath the job in Sister Act and Mo a job on Ab Fab and Drop Dead Gorgeous, the later of which solidified are friendship and made us as close as we are.

As it is universally acknowledged, DDG is the greatest movie ever made and that is in no small part due to the supreme talents of all the friends I cast in the film. However towards the end of the casting process – and this will come as a shock –  I was having difficulty casting the integral cameos of Terry and Colleen but thankfully – praise Jesus – I thought of Mo’s work as Bo and knew there was no one else who could play the role.

The rest, yada yada yada, history.

Mo has been busy lately guesting on Veep, House of Lies, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, appearing in the – terrible and I hate to admit it – Ab Fab movie and actively campaigning for my girl HRC on Twitter (remember, I am her campaign manager), so it was so nice of her to take the time out and reconnect as I warm up for the holiday season.

Thankfully Mo is fully supportive of me pretending that Brisbane is in the northern hemisphere and I don’t have sweat dripping off my balls, and was more than into splitting a hot and spicy Moroccan Lamb Gaffnizza.

 

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It should probably be apparent to you by now that I am a huge fan of pizza, the love affair being second only my love of burgers. I’m also a massive fan of balls – second only to Probst … and am Australian, so lamb. Put that all together with some hot Moroccan flavour, smooth feta cheese, sweet pumpkin and sharp rocket, and you’ve got yourself a meal worthy of my dear friend Mo and her mo friend.

Enjoy!

 

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Moroccan Lamb Gaffnizza
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
½ butternut pumpkin, diced
extra virgin olive oil
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp cumin
500g lamb mince
2 tbsp moroccan spice mix
2-3 pizza bases, obviously using Zsa Zsa’s recipe
⅓ cup pine nuts
small red onion, finely sliced
200g feta, diced
grated cheese, optional but advised … who doesn’t want more cheese?
rocket

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Spread diced pumpkin on a small tray, coat with a dash of olive oil, sprinkle over the cumin and cinnamon and bake for 20 minutes, or until golden.

Meanwhile, combine the lamb in a bowl with the moroccan spice mix – you can make your own, but I frankly could not be bothered. Heat a lug of olive oil in a large pan over medium heat and throw in balls of the spiced meat, not worrying about being too careful with size or form. Cook until browned on the outside, remove to some paper towel and repeat the process until all the meat is cooked.

When ready to assemble, cover the base with some tomato paste and some miscellaneous herbs, throw over some meatballs, spice pumpkin, pinenuts, spanish onion and cheese/s. Bake for about 20 minutes, or until crisp and delicious.

Remove from the oven, top with some fresh rocket and allow to stand for five minutes before serving / devouring.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

The important thing is we have a winner

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Outside of a Werewolf Bar Mitzvah, Halloween always gets me thinking of the classic Hocus Pocus and the wonderful Sanderson Sisters. Fun fact, their penchant for murder and sucking the life out of things was inspired by a cult I started.

Not the one with Andrew Keegan though, to be clear.

Anyway, since I didn’t stay a virgin long enough to light the black flame candle and greenlight – well blacklight … but that is semantics – a sequel, I simply couldn’t bare to face Bette, SJP or my dear friend Kathy Najimy over Halloween … so I reached out to Kath and my mutual friend Mo Gaffney.

So what do I make that says does Kathy hate me for not getting the job done … but also says Drop Dead Gorgeous is the greatest movie of all time and thank you? Praise Jesus.

Image source: Still from Ab Fab.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Lemon Merrin Dungey Pie

Baking, Dessert, Pie, Sweets

When I first met Merrin Dungey – aka Mezza – she was cracking jokes with some of the lower members of the cast of Deep Impact. Despite being quite the high roller on set as T’s best-friend, I was drawn to her infectious joy and decided to take her under my wing.

Let me tell you, Mez is just what the doctor ordered – I feel joyous again!

Jubilant even.

Mez has long been someone I’ve relied on to lift my mood and in exchange, I’ve lifted her up the Hollywood ladder. After Deep Impact, I quickly introduced her to Sorks and got her a brief role on The West Wing, landed her a part with my – and I guess the world’s – Friends and bounced her too Chrissie Apps on Jesse before landing her the big fish that was Alias opposite my then boyfriend Bradley Cooper.

It had been a couple of years since we last caught up – I may have caused a scene on the set of Trophy Wife when she was guesting and was scared I had embarrassed her. Thankfully, I hadn’t but sadly that meant I had to struggle with my mood these last few years.

Mezza is trying to relax and make the most of her free time before reporting to the set of her new show, Conviction, so was down to party and bring the joy … which she did.

As did my Lemon Merrin Dungey Pie.

 

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I like my lemon curd like I like to act to attract men – tarty, smooth and soft and warm inside. Add the culinary equivalent of Merrin / valium, pastry, and a generous dollop of mallowy meringue and you’ve got the perfect dessert to eat away your feelings.

Enjoy!

 

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Lemon Merrin Dungey Pie
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
Pastry
1 ½ cups plain flour
2 tbsp icing sugar mixture
125g butter, chilled, coarsely chopped
2 ½ tbsp iced water

Filling and meringue aka all the rest
Lemon Kurd Cobain
1 cup cold water
¼ cup cornflour
8 large eggs, whites only
⅔ cups sugar
¼ teaspoon coarse salt

Method
In a larger bowl, sift the flour and icing sugar together. Using your fingertips, rub the butter into the flour until the mixture resembles wet sand. Add the water and mix with your hands until it just comes together … just.

Shape into a 2cm thick disc, wrap in cling and refrigerate for half an hour.

Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Remove the dough from the fridge and roll out until it is about 5mm thick, lay the dough in a 23cm pie dish, trim excess, line with baking paper and return to the fridge for half an hour.

Then add pastry weights and bake for 15 minutes … and then remove the pastry weights and baking paper and bake for a further 15 minutes, or until golden and crisp. Set aside to cool completely.

That was kind of militant right now, wasn’t it? Sorry.

Anyway, while the crust is cooling, get to work on the curd. Start by whisking together the water and cornflour, then go to the recipe and when it calls for the butter add the cornflour slurry.

Rather than chilling the curd, pour it straight into the crust, smoothing over with the back of a spoon and chill in the fridge for 3-5 hours – the pie, not you – or until it is set.

About half an hour before you’re over the pie chilling preheat the oven to 180°C … again.

While the oven is warming up for you, combine the whites, sugar and salt in a large, dry bowl of an electric mixer and whisk on high until stiff peaks form. Layer the meringue on the pie, sealing in the curd, and bake for about 5-10 minutes, or until the meringue starts to brown.

You could always use a blowtorch in lieu of the oven but I don’t, and nor should anybody else, trust me with a blowtorch.

Either way, once you’re done devour and feel happiness again.

RIP *spoiler* from OITNB.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

No more bad Francies

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

After being thoroughly disappointed by the world for most of last week (until Jay Z dropped by), followed by 13 hours spent watching OITNB season 4 which culminated in a horrific kick to the guts in the second last episode – seriously, I am still llorando – I decided that I needed to focus on the positive and bring a little bit of joy in the world.

But seriously, how fucked up was the end of episode 12?

Anyway, I have decided to become the personification of valium and bring joy, or at the very least a feeling of strange calm, to everyone on the planet.

As I am still reeling from Orlando and the culmination of the fictional prison overcrowding/under-trained guard perfect storm, I wanted to catch-up with someone that brings an infectious joy to my life (rather than infectious disease, FYI) so gave the dear Merrin Dungey a call.

What says while your turn as Ursula made me uncomfortable it will never take away from your majesty on the one-two punch that are Alias and the egregiously Emmy snubbed Summerland?

Picture source: Still from Alias.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Andy Sambergers

Main, Party Food, Snack

Given the fact we both have dark, curly hair and well, that is it (but hey, it was enough to get me the job as his body-double), my torrid love affair with Andy Samberg is the closest I’ve ever come to twincest but that isn’t the greatest thing our love bore – Dick in a Box.

Originally co-written as a celebratory post-coital jam Dick in a Box, in the previous timeline, would have gone on to be a gay anthem that we likely would have submitted to Eurovision to be sung by Engelbert Humperdinck in the UK. Instead, I had to give up our love affair when travelling back in time but knew that the world needed that song so dropped hints for Andy to include a different version during his time on SNL.

While Andy sometimes doesn’t believe our past affair in the alternate timeline, we have always been close friends and collaborators with him insisting my personality inspired the best aspects of both Jake Peralta and Gina Linetti on his current hit show, Brooklyn Nine Nine.

Being close friends with his wife in this timeline (I taught her harp and encouraged Melbourne to use her song for their infamous ad), I always try and catch up with the first couple I ever married when I get the chance. Don’t tell them I’m not actually allowed to officiate marriages, I wanted to keep my options with Andy open …

Sadly Jo was out of town – how strange that Andy forgot to mention that tidbit – so it was just a good old fashioned sausage fest. While our ideas of a good old fashioned sausage fest differ greatly, I was able to whip up a batch of my Andy Sambergers to get us off for us to enjoy.

 

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Sweet, soft round buns with a thick piece of hot, spicy meat covered in a nice creamy load of bernaise, you’d be forgiven for thinking we were in the OG timeline but with onions.

I would explain to you the laws of our time-travel but I need to go cool myself down – enjoy!

 

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Andy Sambergers
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
750g good quality beef mince
1 cup flat-leaf parsley, chopped
2 tbsp capers
1 tbsp hot pickled peppers, chopped
2 cloves garlic
salt
black pepper
3 large onions, sliced
3 tbsp butter
dijon mustard
Briocher Bünsberg
Tomatoni Braxton Relish
Bernadaise Peters

Method
Place parsley, capers, peppers and garlic in a food processor and blitz to create a rough paste. Add to a large bowl with the beef mince and a good whack of salt and pepper. Mix together and form into 6-8 evenly sized patties, place on a plate lined with cling, cover and refrigerate for an hour or so.

While they are sitting in their juices and becoming delightful, get to work on the onions. Place a medium saucepan over low heat and melt butter until it starts to foam before adding the onions. Cook slowly until soft, caramelised and sweet … or about half an hour. Turn off, cover and leave to rest.

Once the onions are sweet and glorious, heat a large griddle over high heat. When it is nice and hot, toast the halved buns and remove to serving plates. Reduce the temperature to low and brush with oil before added all of the patties. Cook for a few minutes either side until they’re at the desired ‘doneness’, making sure you only flip them once.

Now to get building, smear some dijon on the top of the bun and spread a generous dollop of relish on the bottom. Top with some caramelised onion, then the patty and top with some fresh Bernie.

Lucky I’d conveniently caught up with the whole gang recently!

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Brooklyn Nine-Fine

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

What the what are we doing posting our week’s schedule a day late, you ask?!

For those who may have been living under a rock, yesterday was the most wonderful day of the year, Oscar Day, and as such, I was muy muy busy, co-hosting the red carpet for E, Bravo, ABC, Retirement Living and four other networks while attending as a major Hollywood A-lister’s date, seat-filling AND live blogging the whole thing for you, and was unable to post this week’s tease as planned.

Never fear! I am back to work with a killer hangover to let you know that I am catching up with my dear friend Andy Samberg before I jet back to Australia.

I first connected with Andy in the early teenies when I was doing a lot of work as a body double, on account of my low-esteem and desire to be adored in place of famous people. During this time an up and comer called Andy Samberg crossed the ditch to headline a series called Cuckoo and a beautiful friendship began.

Through the use of time-travel, I went back to 2005 and gave him pointers to avoid pissing off Lorne Michaels at the SNL auditions and thus, this timeline was born and I saved him from a failed career and savage cocaine addiction. See, I’m not that horrible! I do make positive contributions to society!

What says how do we fix the egregious striking of you name from last year’s Best Original Song nominee, Everything is Awesome?

Picture source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.