Celippos

Dessert, Drag Race France, Drag Race France 1, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Drag Race France the dolls finally played Snatch Game and well, it was a pretty good show. Grande Damn, Soa, Paloma and Elips all had their characters down and had Nicky in stitches, with nary a rattlesnake noise to be heard. While Lolita clearly struggled, I still found her to be quite solid with only Kam and Bertha struggling. Ultimately La Grande Dame’s slay secured her first win of the season, while Kam and Bertha ended up lip syncing for their lives. Hilariously to stock music, given they didn’t have the rights to the song in Australia. While we couldn’t really tell how either girl went, Bertha fought her way out of the bottom while poor Kam exited the competition.

Backstage the dolls were heartbroken to have lost Kam but delighted to see she has left such a fun, cute message. With Kam going with a win under her belt, the dolls were shaken and well and truly realised that they are rapidly approaching the pointy end of the competition. The next day, however, the dolls were back to feeling their oats and living their best lives as they posed their way back into the Werk Room. Bertha opened up about how sucky it feels when you have to lip sync for your life, though she was glad to survive and ready to rise like a phoenix. While Soa was ready for Grande Dame to lip sync, now that she has a challenge win under her belt. 

Nicky interrupted their kiki to announce that given they have worked so hard, they would each be able to nap for a minute … before ruining their bliss with a Mini Challenge where they would pair up star in a beauty parlour skit where they would be doing each other’s make up. While wearing wacky glasses, assuming nothing got lost in translation. Soa and Grand Dame were silly and wild, as Soa was aggressively put in a baby-hooker mug. Lolita gave Elips the sloppiest mug, though their segment kinda dragged before Paloma and Bertha were just oh so fun, despite Bertha finishing up looking like a granny-hooker. Though obviously it was Grande Dame and Soa who took out victory, since duh, Soa is charismatic as hell.

And given said victory gave them the chance to pick their groups in this week’s girl groups Maxi Challenge, it was the correct one to win. Soa selected Elips and Lolita to join her band, while Grande Dame went with Bertha and was left with Paloma. Who thankfully wasn’t upset, just ready to demolish writing their verses and performing their song Boom Boom live on the mainstage. Oh and they’ll be doing things UK Season 3 style, with one group getting a pop version and with the other ones rocking out.

After Nicky exited, the dolls sat down to listen to each version with the groups conveniently wanting different ones, making it super chill and very much not an All Winners Vivienne or Camden vs Bosco vibe. Soa, Elips and Lolita were ready to rock the rock, confident in Lolita’s ability to kill the choreography. Team Grande Dame meanwhile were going to be popping up consent, which instantly made the returned Nicky nervous about her making things fun. Meanwhile Team Soa announced they would be going by The Nails and were super confident with their plan to focus on their flaws and make fun of them.

Paloma, Grande Dame and Bertha – aka Les Soeurs Jacquettes – were first up to record with Mark Weld and zaddy Thoj. And once everyone got over how hot Thoj was, they made quick work of laying down their vocals. Well Paloma and Bertha did, as Grande Dame struggled to find her intro. Though when she did, it was perfect. While Elips was a little bit apprehensive when The Nails stepped behind the microphone, they all ended up knocking it out of the park as they got into their rock personas.

Jour d’elimination arrived with the dolls quickly splitting up to get ready for their girl band debuts before Soa admitted her dad didn’t know she did drag. Lolita opened up about how acceptance and support varies from family to family and she is lucky to have her family’s support, in drag and as someone living with HIV. She opened up to the girls about her status and how she has had to push through so many labels in her life though was grateful for them and her parents support. And then talk turned about how the gay community are generally more careful about HIV than the straights which is a timely reminder, given they have the highest rates of transmission now. So yeah, everyone needs to be sensible and take precautions, ya hear red cross?!

Nicky, Daphné and Kiddy were joined on the judges panel by Shy’m and Yanis Marshall as Les Soeurs Jacquettes opened the show with their pop version of Boom Boom. And it was so much fun, despite barely being able to hear Paloma’s verse, as the trio looked to have the best time in all their bright glory. And nailing every move. The Nails’ rock version was moody, cohesive and a hell of a good time too, despite Elips feeling slightly out matched by her sisters.

On the La nuit des 1000 Mylène runway, Lolita was a moody, sexy vamp, dripping in blood and spreading the undetectable = untransmittable message. Elip was a chic delight – so chic, Jamie – in a chequered 80s suit, Grande Dame was stunning in a big, geometric gown, revealing a sexy nude illusion dress underneath. Soa brought the drama, looking beautiful in a red gown before revealing a skimpy white skirt and bandeau underneath. Paloma was beautiful in a shimmering golden gown before revealing a flowing, white Tawny Kitaen-esque gown. On and then Bertha closed the show looking gorgeous as an ancient warrior.

The judges felt like Bertha went into cosplay territory on the runway, though loved her performance. Despite Daphné finding her to be too reserved. They loved Paloma’s look too, though found her to be nervous in the performance. Grande Dame meanwhile received universal praise for both the runway – despite not giving Myène – and the performance, though she was reminded to follow direction better. The judges loved every single thing Soa served this week, as they did with Lolita. Particularly for her powerful message on the runway. Elips meanwhile was beloved on the runway, though read for being too reserved and nervous in the performance.

Backstage Bertha toasted everyone for nailing the challenge, though TBH they were all exhausted. Everyone agreed it was Soa’s challenge to lose and it was likely Elips and Paloma would be the two lip syncing. Soa admitted she was trying to make sure everyone shined in her team before Paloma opened up about being so lonely growing up.

We then quickly flipped back to the mainstage where the dolls were proven right, as Soa took out her second, very well deserved victory of the season before Elips and Paloma were told they would be lip syncing as Lolita, Bertha and Grande Dame were sent to safety. And once again, they couldn’t spring for the Australisian rights to the song and so the dolls two-stepped the Wagon Wheel Watusi until Nicky opted to send Elips home. But before we get to that, let’s focus on how much of a bop the royalty free song was. Truly Le-Gend-Aire!

As was Elips’ run on the show, she was super chill and composed as she made her way backstage. I pulled her in for a massive hug and praised her for how magnetic and polished she is as a performer. While she was one of the quieter personalities, there is no denying that Elips is an absolute star. One that is very worthy of being celebrated over a batch of Celippos.

Yes, these little copycats are nothing more than frozen juice. But when they taste like nostalgia and joy, how can you be disappointed? Sweet and fresh, these are the perfect way to fill a summer afternoon.

Enjoy!

Celippos
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
3 cups pineapple juice
3 cups raspberry juice

Method
Freeze both juices for about half an hour, or until starting to firm but are by no means solid.

Blitz the first juice in a blender and pour into ice cream moulds (or sandwich bags, if you want to try for the calippo shape). Blitz the second juice in the blender and gently pour it in the mould, to have two distinct colours.

Transfer to the freezer and leave to set for a few hours. Then, devour.


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Melinzer Chiang Cookies

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Blood V Water, Baking, Dessert, Snack, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Blood and Water pulled a Spicys as two became one, reuniting loved ones and forming the Lava tribe. Which yes, is a worse name than Fire. At the first reward challenge Khanh won $60K which came with a secondary prize of painting an even bigger target on his back. At the immunity challenge KJ proved herself an undercover challenge beast, despite being narrowly pipped at the post by young, sweet Jesse. While scrambling, Mark and Sam had a domestic about voting out either Khanh and Shay with Mark being very insufferable as he patronised his wife into turning on her ally. Ultimately it worked though, as Sam stuck with her husband and sent Khanh from the game to become the King of the Jury.

Back at camp Chrissy worried about how she would be able to pull off dinner without their resident Masterchef, while Mark and Sam took a quiet moment to apologise to each other. Though given Mark gave her more of a sorry not sorry, my alliance is better than yours and your bestie needs to go so suck it up, oh and you can thank me when we get to the end, I don’t think this is the end of their family feud.

The next day the sausage fest was hanging with KJ and Shay, with the latter two clearly just looking to get to 7th and 8th place or hoping to immunity their ways to the end. Mark was still feeling very pleased with himself and super confident that nothing will break it up, which hopefully means something is going to break them up soon. If not a blindside, potentially Chrissy’s mashed beans which look like severe gastrointestinal distress waiting to happen. While Mark was feeling confident, Chrissy and Dave caught up to gossip about the marital issues while Sam complained about losing Khanh to Mel and Michelle. Particularly since she still (rightly) thinks Shay is the biggest threat.

Sam meanwhile was worried that Mark may be as blinded by his allies as Mark felt she was by Khanh. As such, she caught up with Jordie and Dave to line up some targets, quickly locking in Shay as the most threatening. Speaking about Shay, she was growing more and more nervous about Sam coming after her and starting shadowing her in the most hilarious way possible. Talking to Jordan? Shay will give Jordan a shoulder massage! As Sam straight up walked away, Shay tried to get Jordan to see the importance of keeping some singles around otherwise all the duos will end up screwing themselves over as they’ll have no way to work out of it.

Jordie and Jesse caught up with Josh in the water, congratulating themselves on controlling the game while Jesse assured them that Sam just gets nervous and to not worry about her blowing up any of their games. Particularly since Jordie was more focused on getting rid of Mark should their alliance part ways. And the first part of his plan was to out his idol to Josh. Sadly for Jordie, however, Josh didn’t seem to worry Mark was keeping the idol a secret and was very nervous about the idea of turning on him. Particularly coming up with enough votes to split between Mark and someone else.

The tribe met up with Jonathan for the latest immunity challenge where they would each have to fill a leaky drum with water to level a table to build a puzzle on. Leave your bucket to lose too much water and the table drops and you have to start over. Which is very clever, TBH. Everyone had slightly different strategies; sorting pieces first, stockpiling extra water and just trying to stay calm and methodical. While Josh and Shay were neck and neck at the start, Josh dropped his table leaving Shay to power ahead and jag herself immunity just before Josh or Mel could catch her.

Kinda proving Mark should have listened to his wife last night, no?

Back at camp Sam thankfully was completely enraged by the fact Shay had immunity and as such, worked to try and take out who she felt was the head of the alliance, aka Josh. Not Mark. Particularly since he talks to everyone in the alliance except her, meaning she knows she is on the bottom in his eyes. While she warned Mark that Josh is the biggest threat to their game, he assured her the time isn’t right to turn on him. Meanwhile Josh was filling in his cousin Jordan on where things stand, with them agreeing that Jordie and not Mark is a threat given Jordie is clearly ready to flip.

But first, they had to get rid of some of the floaters and as such, when Jordie dropped by they locked in a split vote between Mel and Michelle.

Josh then went to the other floaters and told them they would all be splitting the vote between the twins, with people not realising they could easily take control if they stopped just doing what they were told. He then went one further and spoke to Michelle about the vote and let her know it would be split between her and Mel and while she thanked him for his honesty, she told us that Josh will regret telling her. Oh and when Mark confirmed for Mel that she was the target, both twins were ready to fight.

With that Mel and Michelle decided that they should bring all the girls together and load all their votes on Josh instead and since the boys were splitting the votes, they would take control. The twins rallied the girls to float said plan and while everyone appeared interested, Sam’s nervous face made me nervous that this won’t come together. Shay agreed that this is the right time to make a move against the men, which got Sam fired up given she doesn’t want the men to dictate the future of the game. Though was worried that getting rid of Josh, which is good for her game, would ruin Mark’s, and she may not have the numbers to get much further should it blow up.

Shay encouraged Mel to talk to Chrissy and KJ about locking in the vote on Josh and while Chrissy knew he was a threat, she still wanted a little more time to think. Meanwhile Michelle pulled Jordan aside to ask why they were targeting her and her sister, with Jordan assuring her there is no right or wrong that she did and it is all just part of the game. But he just wants her to hold her nerve and stay strong aka she is the back-up plan, not the target. While all the girls worried about when the right time would be to target the boys should they not act now.

At tribal council Khanh looked like a total snack on the Jury Bench – well said, Jordan – while Josh straight up admitted to being part of the majority which is controlling the game. Dave said the alliance is really zen and makes all decisions by committee, with Mark agreeing it makes the most sense so no one person is the target. Michelle jumped in to talk about the stupidity of targeting herself and Mel, with the latter joining in to remind people they need to build a resume if they want to win and targeting those on the bottom will never build the resume. 

Josh blamed Sandra for our current predicament, reminding them she told them all the strong people would go come merge and as such, they know they have no other choice but to band together. When Jonathan asked Mel what would be the smarter decision, she told everyone that Josh is a far bigger threat and as such, they need to get rid of him. She then doubled down, pointing out he knows the game just as well as she does, plus he is strong and is playing a strong social game. While Sam tried to be non-committal, Mel continued to play to the people on the bottom of the tribe and told them they have to make a move before it is too late and as such, they need to wake up and fight. Now.

With that the tribe voted and tragically the twins plan did not come to fruition as Mel found herself booted from the game. Though lucky for her, she now gets to hang out with Khanh on the jury which would be way more fun.

As soon as Mel arrived at Jury Villa, I pulled her in for a massive hug and told her how heartbroken I was to see her go so soon. Particularly since I worried it means we’re getting the opposite of last season with a male-dominated endgame with an alliance that holds out. Maybe I’m wrong and Sam will flip everything next week, but the one thing that mattered most to Mel, was that I stop rambling and get to baking. You see, we’ve been the best of friends since I started going to her clinic, so she knew I would be packing a fresh batch of Melinzer Chiang Cookies to cheer her up.

These simple little cookies are so good (and so much fun). Buttery, spiced shortbread with a good whack of jam doing a peek-a-boo through heart cutouts? Sign me up. And now you, I advise.

Enjoy!

Melinzer Chiang Cookies
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
160g plain flour, plus extra for dusting
2 tsp ground cinnamon
⅛ tsp nutmeg
⅛ tsp ground clove
100g butter, at room temperature
60g almond meal
100g raw caster sugar
1 egg
⅓ cup raspberry jam
icing sugar, for sprinkling

Method
Combine the flour and spices in a bowl before massaging through the butter with your fingertips, like you would do damper or scones. Add the almond meal, sugar and sugar and mix together by cutting through with a knife until it comes together in large clumps. Turn the mixture onto a floured surface and knead for a couple of minutes, or until it comes together. Form into a disc, wrap in cling and pop in the fridge for half an hour or until chill.

Once chill, roll out the dough on a lightly flour surface until it is about 5mm thick. Cut out an even number of round pieces of dough, then use a small shape – ideally heart, obvi – to form a window in half the cookies. Transfer to a lined baking sheet before popping in the fridge for half an hour to chill.

Preheat the oven to 160C.

Once the biscuits are chill, transfer them to the oven to back for 12-15 minutes, or until lightly golden. Remove from the oven and allow to cool slightly before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.

When it comes time to assemble, spoon a little jam on the whole biscuits, close with the cut-outs and then dust with icing sugar. Before devouring, giddily.


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Etcetera Etceteraspberry Crumble Ice Cream

Dessert, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under 1, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under, Art made a semi-triumphant return to the competition by way of a literal heap of trash. Which coincided with the fact that this week’s Maxi Challenge, the queens were tasked with rummaging through the trash and assembling a glamorous look. More importantly, Elektra grew tired of Scarlet’s arrogance and general shadiness, though tragically the confidence wasn’t misplaced as she secured her second victory. At the other end of the pack, Karen was read for bringing a costume and sweet Anita for being sloppy. Then tragedy struck, as the iconic and delightful Anita exited the competition. Erroneously, in my not humble opinion.

Backstage the remaining queens joined me in sobbing over the loss of Anita, with Karen rightly pointing out that she is so damn nice that, no doubt, she is more proud of the rest of the girls for surviving rather than focusing on the disappointment. Karen shared how emotional it feels to send someone home before checking in with Anita’s bestie Kita to make sure she was ok. Kita assured her that she is fine and ready to send everyone home, particularly since all the Aussie queens think they only made the cast when filming pivoted to NZ last minute (I take this as proof that we shouldn’t be hating on the set, since the studio was thrown together at short notice due to COVID). And given how shady my love Etcetera was about Kita probably feeling guilty to have beaten her friend despite not doing as well, those Kiwi girls are right to want to bring us all down and prove them Au-ssies wrong.

And damn, this is a storyline that is peaking my interest.

The next day the group were far more cohesive and ready to slay, with Kita disappointed Anita didn’t take her up on the offer to ride her coattails when they arrived. Etcetera praised Art for surviving her second week, before Elektra checked in with Etcetera to see why she was pressed like a panini for getting negative critiques. As her defence, she continued to read Kita’s outfit, before Kita countered that while her outfit seemingly has so many flaws, it is still better than hers. Burn.

The dolls were interrupted by Ru who dropped by to open the library for the first Down Under reading challenge. And damn, please let it be as sweet as the Pit Crew’s cakes because they are fine. Etcetera was first and made no sense, but I love her anyway. Karen gloriously read Kita for filth and quoted House Of Drag in the process. Kita followed and was a delight from start to finish as she destroyed each and every girl. Maxi said Scarlet only has something between her head when sucking cock, which is all you need to know as it was glorious. Art meanwhile stole the damn show with hilarious jokes from start to finish, complete with topical COVID reads about Elektra’s lack of taste. Scarlet meanwhile bombed as did Elektra, until Scarlet read herself for being bald and loose.

Obviously Art took out victory, much to Kita’s disappointment. But before we could delve deeper into it, Ru tasked the girls with creating and marketing their very own yeast spread for this week’s Maxi Challenge. Complete with commercials filmed with Michelle and infomercial queen, Suzanne Paul. You know, Suzanne Paul of THE Thin Lizzy. Immediately Karen was ready to go, thrilled to finally get a challenge that is right up her alley. She and Maxi were going very on brand for them, which is bawdy, annoying Etcetera who wanted them to show something different.

Kita congratulated Art on her victory, with Art admitting that she felt Kita was better than her. Though she was obviously thrilled to win. Talk returned to their yeast spread with Elektra focusing on getting Topped – a worthy focus – which made Etcetera nervous for her, given she is the least polished queen. She then pointed out to Karen that she should have this one in the bag, given she is the corporate queen amongst them.

With that Karen went straight to set to film her commercial with Suzanne and Michelle, with Suzanne immediately hating everything about it because the spread was called Discharge. Scarlet meanwhile had the duo chuckling with her smutty, filthy jokes. Art went with a spread to keep Americans away, and went deep into her head. Kita was wacky and delightful, mimicking Divine. Etcetera put the Pit Crew to the ultimate use, writhing across set and flooding my basement. Though sadly, that was the thing that made the most sense. Elektra arrived and was in full producer mode, hitting every mark and making sure she got everything she needed and damn, she was so charming in her element. Maxi was next and tragically riddled with nerves, despite looking absolutely stunning and immediately she bombed. Hard.

Elimination Day rolled around with Scarlet admitting that she was disappointed to have dropped from the top. While Maxi too knew that she didn’t do very well. They split up to get ready with Art asking if anyone has any regrets about their past performances with Elektra offering the first three runways before Scarlet opened about her many racism scandals. She shared how disgusted she is to have done blackface and saying horribly racist things, though Etcetera stepped in to totally school her on casual racism and explain why she needs to do more than atone and actually learn, grow and support the communities that she has hurt. And then Elektra rightly praised Etcetera for being such a beautiful, bright spark and admitted she gave her hope in future generations.

Ru, Michelle and Rhys were joined by Rena Owen on the panel for the Finest Sheila in the Bush runway, with Elektra serving sexy-glamour, in sheer black with a painted bald head. Kita was gorgeous in a bright butterfly number where NONE were even killed. Maxi was cute while surviving a picnic at Hanging Rock. Karen channeled Tina Burner before Art shut down the runway as Kath Day-Knight in a cork-covered Billy Porter reveal hat. Etcetera was a technicolour delight before revealing a gorgeous  post-fire black-stump inspired bodysuit. And then Scarlet slayed again in a Priscilla inspired lamé number.

When it came to the ads, Elektra gave Trixie as Ru before completely slaying her commercial and receiving universal praise for her performance and looking beautiful on the runway. Kita was polished and ridiculous in her commercial, with the judges living for everything she did and the fact that she is always giving them something new. Maxi was ridiculous and charming, though was read for struggling throughout filming and not going full horn bag. Ru admitted that she thought she would do better, before they all ignored her outfit. Karen meanwhile was read for not being big enough and just there, before winning Ru over after explaining her outfit as an acknowledgement of the community fire fighters and how government inaction on climate change is resting on their shoulders. 

Art was demented and smart, with the judges universally living for her Kath on the runway. And Etcetera had the Pit Crew presenting which was all I needed, despite the judges not loving her Piss offering. Scarlet meanwhile relied on American accents and the judges didn’t live for it, though loved everything about her Priscilla runway. What Ru didn’t love was Scarlet’s use of blackface, offering her the chance to address the photos going around on the line. She apologised and while most of us were likely wishing for Ru to cancel her – which she acknowledged – Ru shared that she would prefer for Scarlet to instead grow and better herself.

We then forwent Untucked as Scarlet and Kita were sent to safety, handing Elektra her first win of the season, much to her absolute delight. On the flipside, Maxi landed in the bottom before Art and Karen were sent to safety, leaving her to battle for safety against Etcetera. More importantly, said battle was to the icon herself, Vanessa Amorossi’s smash-hit Absolutely Everybody. Somehow Maxi manifested a sequin microphone and had everyone in stitches while Etcetera gave perfection in a more traditional lip sync. But let’s be honest, slaying the game and hitting every lyric can’t compete with turning Absolutely Everybody into a diva’s power ballad. Did I mention the sequined microphone? As killer as Etcertera was, Maxi well and truly turned it our and Etcetera was tragically felled from the competition.

As Maxi literally took her bow like a damn icon.

Given I lost my two faves back-to-back, it goes without saying that I was shaking with rage before Etcetera got to me. She held me in her arms, slowed my breathing and reminded me that everything will be alright. Through tears, I told her all the ways I planned to get the other girls disqualified, as she quietly listened and tried to cheer me up. 

Sixteen hours after commencing my rant, she pointed out that the surviving queens needed the set back for the next episode and as such, she’d love to have a bowl of Etcetera Etceteraspberry Crumble Ice Cream and ready herself for her inevitable run on All Stars. Right. Riiiiiiight?

Like Etcetera, this ice cream is sweet, layered and oh so comforting. With that little bit of tartiness to add some drama. It is, dear I say it, near perfection.

And super easy, thanks to its churn free nature.

Enjoy!

Etcetera Etceteraspberry Crumble Ice Cream
Serves: 1 eliminated contestant and their comfort eating friend.

Ingredients
395g can sweetened condensed milk
600ml thickened cream
3 tbsp honey
250g raspberries, frozen
1 ½ cups Malt O Milk biscuits, roughly crushed
100g honeycomb, roughly chopped

Method
Combine the condensed milk, cream and honey in the bowl of a stand mixer and beat on medium until soft peaks form. 

Fold through the raspberries, 1 cup of the biscuits and half the honeycomb, and transfer to a container and freeze until solid.

To serve, dollop out some of the ice cream and top with the remaining biscuit and honeycomb.

Then, you know the drill, devour.


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Blondies

Baking, Dessert, Sweets

I honestly couldn’t think of a better way to see out such a triumphant week. I mean, my ex-turned-friend became an Oscar winner, Shonee slayed and was then saved and the OG version of Survivor debuted its all winners season. That is a lot to take in; overwhelming, exhilarating and inappropriately erotic, so it was wonderful to put icing on the cake in the form of my dear friends Blondie.

I first met Blondie in the ‘70s. They were getting there start at CBGBs – fun fact, both Bs stand for me; Ben and bareback. While they were rocking the stage, I was making my cash in the bathrooms, alleyways and near the dumpster, but it never deterred Debs, Chris and the boys for reaching out and making friends with me.

Was it a friendship based on pity, with them buying me dinner after their set? Sure. But I have zero dignity, and gladly played into their desire to help me. And thankfully it developed into a deep, loving, life long friendship.

We haven’t had the chance to catch-up as one big group lately, so it meant so much to me the Debbie tee-d up all our schedules to facilitate and reunite us as one big happy family.

As soon as they arrived at my door, I pulled them in for a big hug and broke into tears, overwhelmed by how much their love means to me. After crying, we turned things around with a lot of love and light, and a big ol’ batch of our – now weedless – Blondies.

 

 

Sweet and gooey, there is nothing better than anything in the brownie/blondie family. I mean, who doesn’t love eating cake batter? These puppies are as close as you can get without having to fear e-coli. Add in the caramelly goodness of white chocolate and the tart, tang of raspberries and I am well and truly in heaven.

Enjoy!

 

 

Blondies
Serves: 5-7 of the dearest friends, depending on the line-up.

Ingredients
¾ cup unsalted butter
1 ¼ cup muscovado sugar
1 tbsp vanilla extract
2 eggs
1 ½ cups plain flour
150g white chocolate, roughly chopped
100g raspberries

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C.

Combine the butter and sugar in a saucepan over low heat and cook, stirring, until just combined. Transfer to a large mixing bowl and whisk in the vanilla. Leave to cool slightly.

Whisk in the eggs and flour until just combined before folding in the white chocolate and raspberry.

Pour the batter into a lined square baking tin and transfer to the oven to back for 30 minutes, or until golden and set around the edge and the centre is just baked. Remove from the oven and leave to cool completely.

As soon as they are cold, slice, serve and devour. Greedily.

 

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A sickly sweet Steven Bradberry Doughnut Cobbler waiting for fifth boot Steven Bradbury.

Steven Bradberry Doughnut Cobbler

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor the Monika Radulovic memorial Tower of Terror challenge returned to wreak havoc on poor tsunami survivor Sarah, after Casey dived out of the challenge quicker than Sarah dived off a balcony into the tsunami to save her life. Obviously the Champs took out victory, which they were allowed to share with someone from the other tribe and selected Zaddy John given how he supported Sarah through the trauma. Janine found a clue to an idol amongst the loot, however upon finding it learnt that said idol was only for a Contender to play at a Contender tribal council, and the corresponding Champion idol is in the same place on the Contenders beach. After Pia and Luke got tangled up in the immunity challenge, ultimately leading to the Champion’s loss. Back at camp things got heated with Steven tantrumming about Abbey for playing the game, calling her weak and making her cry. This led to everyone rallying around the AFL play before blindsiding him and sending his closest ally Nova from the game.

Leading to the best post-boot comment from Jonathan, noting that he once again skated through to victory. Fucking iconic.

Things were going downhill the next at Camp Champ where Nova’s Kitchen was tragically under new management and while Ross tried to impress everyone with his delivery service, nobody seems thrilled by his efforts. Though let’s be honest, he did do a killer job on cooking up a pair of shoes. Needless to say, he “is Nova it.”

We checked in with the Contenders where beautiful Shaun was feeling down, missing his son’s fifth birthday. And what I wouldn’t give to give him a hug. Thankfully, I guess, he found a good friend in Daisy, who helped him draw a birthday message on the sand while sharing stories of how much they miss their families. So you know today’s reward is going to be for some form of love, no? Before we get a chance to find out, Shaun discovered the Contenders equivalent of the hidden immunity idol Janine found the day before and despite it being of no use to him – yet – he felt good. Being a sweet, stunning man, he immediately decided to pass it off to one of the Champions, and hoped that it will get him in good should they meet up.

Back at Camp Champ Steven was still floating on shock after surviving tribal council at the expense of his closest ally. He decided that the most important thing was making friends, so started working on his social game. Which involved telling David that he was shocked at how bigger role the social game plays, leading to a thorough roasting from the model. Sadly David seemed to be getting a bit too confident in his position and honestly, that makes me so nervous. He decided that the one thing he needs to complete his top dog status is an idol and that Janine would be his key to getting one. Before he had a chance to confront her about the idol, she pulled him aside and filled him in on the stipulations, and together they formulated a plan to orchestrate a trade off at an upcoming challenge.

With that Jonathan was manifested for the reward challenge where they would face off in a game of football in the shadows, with two kickers stood on podiums awaiting the ball to kick a goal. It was for fish and chips, so everyone was positively thrilled however let’s be honest, three footballers vs. one makes it a no brainer for the Champs, right? Shaun, John, Matt and Andy faced off against E.T, Luke, David and Simon, and while Shaun was first to the ball, Simon scored the first point for the Champs. Baden, John, Sam and Sarah were then defeated by Steven, Janine, Ross and Abbey. David, Simon, E.T. and Pia went 3-0 against Shaun, John, Daisy and Matt. Shaun, Daisy, Sam and Hannah lost the next point, this time to Simon, Janine, Pia and Abbey but again, we’re the winners, watching Shaun and Simon wrestling with the former’s speedos getting plenty of airtime. Luke, David, Steven and Simon, finally lost a point to Andy, John, Shaun and Matt. More importantly David and Shaun had a little pow wow on their way off the course, telling each other about the idols and promising to trade them tomorrow. The Champions then won the final point and may I add, I predicted it.

The Champions were overwhelmed to discover a shack by the beach with a table fully laden with fish, chips, and if Jeff were here, all the fixings. Mid-gorge David discovered newspapers in the corner featuring them and their starring achievements, the highlights being David’s white speedos, the headline of Last Man Standing after Steven won the Gold medal and E.T. in his speedo with my love Tina Turner. We also learnt that Luke has a six week old daughter waiting for him back at home, who they tragically learnt had cystic fibrosis just before heading out to the island and I can’t stop crying.

We checked back in with the Contenders where Shaun was second guessing his mid-challenge chat with David, worried he won’t follow through. He spoke to Daisy and she assured him the risk was worth it. So why do I feel so nervous? Right on cue, that night we went back to Camp Champ where Janine told David she wanted to keep the idol in case of a swap – Queen – leading to David coming up with plan B, fashioning a fake idol and taking Janine’s note to help sell it is real. While it is a great plan, if it gets Shaun booted, I will riot. Plus David calling himself a golden God in celebration isn’t cute, despite being accurate.

Jonathan returned for the immunity challenge where Shaun and David handed over their real and fake idols respectively. They then learnt that seven tribe members will be locked in cages, with the rest of the tribe racing through obstacles to rescue them … before releasing sandbags, solving a puzzle and then knocking the completed puzzle off the ledge with the sandbags. Matt and John got the Contenders out to a slight lead, which was quickly destroyed as the Champions picked up momentum with every person they collected. Eventually they all caught up at the puzzle where Baden and Andy made quick work of the puzzle, overtaking Ross and Abbey, giving Andy a huge advantage when it came to knocking the blocks back off. Try as Abbey might, she was no match for Andy who once again secured immunity for the Contenders.

The mood was ridiculously sombre back at camp, with the tribe sick of losing, none more so than E.T. who is sick of people blowing the lead he gives them. Time after time. David seemed to be the only one smiling, telling Janine about his successful fake for real idol trade before doubling down on the cocky speak, making me so damn nervous. The alliance then decided to split the vote, nervous that Steven has an idol despite their alliance having three in the first two weeks. David approached E.T. and Simon, telling them to vote for Steven. Well actually strong-armed, making Pia, Abbey and Janine nervous that E.T. and Simon will now try something to counteract the arrogance.

As you would expect E.T. was pissed and decided that they should approach Ross to try and get him to flip back to him, Simon and Steven and get rid of Pia. Sorry E.T, I now hope you fail. Which seems likely because Pia watched them try and recruit Ross. She then approached Janine and David to share her suspicion that Ross will flip, and tried to get them to stack all the votes on Steven instead of splitting and risking one of them – likely her – going home.

At tribal council E.T. reiterated that he is sick of the tribe choking mid-challenge while Steven, David and Luke whispered about the upcoming vote and who they planned to target. E.T. wasn’t thrilled about the talk, concerned that it meant he would be next on the chopping block. Ross then put his hand up and said that he deserves to go home after botching the challenge before Steven said that if the vote was based on the challenge, it would definitely mean that he, Simon and E.T. would be safe tonight. While he and David started to throw shade at each other, Pia spoke up and said that she believes there is a target on her back tonight. This lead to Steven saying she has been carried through the challenges, which she found frustrating and pointed out all the times that she has been better than others in the challenges. Talk then turned to who was in charge of the alliance, with them all agreeing that they have a voice and hope to move past the tension tomorrow. Steven then alluded to having an idol or Ross forgetting who to vote for, making Abbey, Pia, Janine, Luke and David extremely nervous as they headed off to vote.

Thankfully for Queen Pia, everyone held firm and poor Steven was iced from the tribe. I mean, couldn’t skate through. I mean, you’ll have an ice time at Ice World. Fuck – I’m going down an ad rabbit hole. Despite the minor shade I’ve been sending Steven’s way, I love him dearly, having met at Brisbane’s aforementioned Ice World. While he was learning to speed skate, I was training to become a figure skater. While I was banned from the sport after an epic on-ice tantrum after botching a triple axel – failing to land one – Steven took me under his wing and we became the best of friends, lovingly ribbing each other ever since. I mean, I wouldn’t make a Steven Bradberry Doughnut Cobbler if I didn’t love the icon.

 

teven Bradbury about to inhale my Steven Bradberry Doughnut Cobbler.

 

Thankfully I made something aggressively sweet to dull the pain of Australia’s Gold medalist turned walking verb’s boot. A sweet, sticky pool of berries, topped with spiced, fluffy donuts are the only thing to cheer up our fallen – no pun intended, but super glad it worked out this way – icon. Outside of a Snickers.

Enjoy!

 

teven Bradbury inhaling my Steven Bradberry Doughnut Cobbler.

 

Steven Bradberry Doughnut Cobbler
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
250g blueberries
250g raspberries
200g granny smith apples, cored and diced
200g pears, cored and diced
1 cup muscovado sugar
⅓ cup almond meal
2 tsp ground cinnamon
8 fresh Shannen Doughertynuts, halved horizontally
Vanilla Ice Cream, to serve

Method
Preheat the oven to 160°C.

Combine the berries, apple, pear, sugar, meal and cinnamon in a large bowl and transfer into a baking dish, leaving a couple of centimetres from the top. Cover with foil and bake for half an hour, or until the apples and pears are tender. Arrange the doughnuts on top, to form an homage to a checkered roof.

Return to oven for 20 minutes or golden and crisp. Leave to rest for 5 minutes before serving, covered in mountains of Vanilla Ice Cream.

 

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Choc Berry Muffins

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Grammy Gold, Grammy Gold: Somebody That I Used to Gold, Snack, Sweets

It has been an extremely busy week celebrating this year’s Grammys with my annual Grammy Gold parties, but as usual, I always push through. Or get by with a little help from my friends, so to speak. And Somebody That I Used to Gold would have been nothing without the love and support of my dear friends Lady Gaga, ONJ, Trey, Tina, Kandi and today, the late, great Chuck Berry.

Given I already had the delorean out to visit Kandi, I decided I should take it out for another spin and seeing Chuck again was high on my list of priorities.

I met Chuck in the ‘40s while studying to become beauticians at the Poro College of Cosmetology. While I wasn’t very good, my boy Chuck was a bloody star and so I quickly helped him rise in the industry. Until I heard his dulcet tones and realised that making him a singing star would be far more beneficial to my bank account.

While in the car, I started pondering about the major Grammy categories that I still needed to run the odds for. Obviously I am backing This is America for Song of the Year, however my gut – or indigestion – is telling me that movies are going to dominate the other two, With Black Panther snagging Album of the Year and Shallow getting Record of the Year, though This is America truly deserves the double.

With that out of the way, I arrived back in the ‘80s to help celebrate his Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award and boy was it an absolute thing of beauty. His kind, talented soul, and my Choc Berry Muffins, obvi.

 

 

Tart berries and gooey chocolate are quite possibly my favourite flavour combination. Add them into some pillowy cake, and I am in heaven. Heaven I tells, ya! Like my dear friend Chuck, may he rest in peace.

Enjoy!

 

 

Choc Berry Muffins
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
75g unsalted butter
200g plain flour
½ tsp bicarb of soda
2 tsp baking powder
75g raw caster sugar
200ml buttermilk
1 egg
100g blueberries
100g raspberries
200g milk chocolate, cut into rough chunks

Method
Preheat oven to 160C and line a six-hole Texan muffin pan.

Melt the butter and leave to cool slightly.

Combine the dry ingredients in a large bowl, and whisk the buttermilk and egg with the melted butter. Fold together with a wooden spoon until just combined before folding through the berries and chocolate.

Divide the batter between the holes and bake in the oven for 30 minutes, or until risen cooked through and golden.

Allow to cool slightly, though making sure they’re still warm enough for the chocolate to be gooey. When you devour.

 

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Laceberry Sherbet

Dessert, Snack, Sweets, That Is So Fetch Week

Today marks the end of our first publicised Mean Girls day celebration, That’s So Fetch Week. And while that is probably going to leave you with a feeling of crushing emptiness, be glad that you got to experience the joys of celebrating with Mands, Dan Fran, Jono, Lizzy, Rachel and now Lacey.

Well, by association at least.

I’ve known Lacey for over two decades after meeting through Susan and Kelly on the set of All My Children. As with Mands and Lizzy, I was blown away by her talent and vowed to make her a star.

That led to Party of Five and The Wild Thornberrys, which would have been enough of a success without throwing in the role of a lifetime in Gretchen Weiners. Heiress of toaster strudels and key player in making fetch happen.

Given her current status as the queen of Lifetime Christmas movies, I am super proud of Lacey and can’t even be mad that we don’t see each other as often as we like. As soon as she walked off the plane we ran into each other’s arms, sped to my home and caught up on this year’s crop of Lifetime films over a big bowl of Laceberry Sherbet.

 

 

While it appears to be a bit too healthy for my liking, I assure you that this sherbert is hella delicious. Not the powdered type like Michelle Sherbert, this frozen fruit delight packs a strong raspberry flavour and fills you with boundless joy. Which is not an overstatement.

Enjoy!

 

 

Laceberry Sherbet
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
500g raspberries, thawed
1 ½ cups milk
⅔ cup raw caster sugar
1 lemon, juiced

Method
Blitz everything in a food processor until smooth.

Strain through a sieve to get rids of any leftover solids or seeds.

Transfer to an ice cream maker and churn for twenty minutes or until the consistency of soft serve. Transfer to a container and freeze overnight, before devouring.

 

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Gaberry Soufflibe

14th Annual Easter Meggstravaganza, Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

After a hint of Megs and a dash of Shirls, we’ve arrived at the televisual stardom section of my egg-based ritual. And based on her successful post-Precious TV career with The Big C, American Horror Story: Coven through Hotel and Empire, my girl Gabs Sidible was the only person worthy of joining me for day three of this year’s Easter Meggstravaganza.

I’ve known Gabs for years after meeting on the set of Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire. I was there visiting my part-time lover Lenny Kravtiz and was immediately drawn in by her performance and vowed to make her a star, and get her an Oscar. While she was robbed by my frenemy Sandra Bullock – she should have been robbed by Meryl instead – she never held my inability to bring Bullsy down against me.

Given how busy I’ve been being Miley and the sort, and she is still hard at work on Empire, Gabs and I haven’t had the chance to catch-up in a while. And let me tell you, it was such a treat to see her again.

She was not only so excited to see me again and reconnect, but also help bring Megs the renewed fame she deserves. We laughed, we hugged, we plotted my way into American Horror Story and finally put on our ritualistic robes and devoured a Gaberry Soufflibe.

 

 

Don’t let the terrible photos scare you – the air conditioning really did a number on them – these babies are damned near perfection. Light, sweet and full of berrylicious tang, it is the most fun you can have with your clothes on. Or off, TBH.

Enjoy!

 

 

Gaberry Soufflibe
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
½ cup raw caster sugar
100g blueberries
100g raspberries
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tbsp cornflour
2 egg whites
icing sugar, to serve

Method
Preheat oven to 200°C.

Combine the ¼ cup of sugar, berries, vanilla and cornflour in a saucepan over medium heat with 2 tablespoons of water. Bring to a boil over high heat and cook for five minutes or so, or until broken down and thickened. Remove from heat and allow to cool for an hour or so.

When you’re ready to rock and or roll, place the remaining sugar in the bowl of a stand mixer with the egg whites and beat until stiff peaks form. Fold through the berry mixture and pour into 6 small ramekins, place on a lined baking sheet and bake for ten minutes or until risen (like Megs’ career, yo).

Dust with icing sugar and devour.

 

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