Previously on Canada’s Drag Race Ru blessed Brooke with her own franchise where 12 killer queens arrived and well, did they put on a show! From not being sorry aboot anything, to big days and the amazingness of Jojo Siwa’s hairwa, the dolls worked their way into my heart. Sadly not all of them could split the prize – I asked – so while Lemon couldn’t tap dance her way to the crown, Priyanka narrowly pipped Rita Baga and Scarlet Bobo, officially making her Bebe of the North.
But that was last year!
First up to serve their Canadian bacon in the upgraded Werk Room was Gia Metric who is shiny, bright and looks like a young Kelly Mantel but from space. She was joined by Kimora Amour in a stunning black crow bodysuit, serving old school glamour. Pythia joined them and was a pink, puffy delight giving me mullet-less Crystal Method realness. And damn, was she ready for the win. Eve 6000 had curves in all the right places and was charming in a two-tone number. Oh and has drama with Gia Metric, so I live.
Suki Doll slayed in an architectural red dress and stunningly elaborate wig. It was a serve and ugh, I love her too. Adriana shuffled in in a mermaid gown and for the comedy alone, I live for her. Beth arrived with a neon wig, slutty lilac number and social anxiety, so basically, I relate to her on a deep, deep level. Oh and she too has drama with Gia. Icesis was stunning, looking like Raven in an avant garde tartan number. She is cute, silly and charming, so I love her. Océane Aqua-Black arrived, slaying in a pink bodysuit and coat combo and giving off the vibe of Latrice’s charm in her first season. With the kookiness of Yara Sofia.
Stephanie Prince loves cilantro which is a questionable take, though she slayed in a slutty, sexy Ronald McDonald number and I live. Oh and then Kendall Gender arrived, gagging all the other queens, serving body and well, flooding my basement out of drag. Rounding out the cast is Synthia Kiss and she too is fucking stunning out of drag and can serve a look, whilst also being crazy. Oh and she, Gia and Kendall are besties. So my future throuple with Kendall and Synthia should be an easy suggestion to make.
Before I could make my proposition, Brooke Lynn Hytes arrived to welcome the dolls to her competition. Before Brad Goreski wheeled himself out along with the iconic Amanda Brugel, the two new judges for the season (along with former Kitty Girl Tracy Melchor, but it was her off week). But enough about introductions because the dolls were immediately put to work in their opening mini challenge – a photoshoot jumping from a balcony into fire. Aka Dant-gay’s Inferno.
Gia was graceful and sexy, Suki pulled out a killer shot despite a rough landing and Eve just pencil dived like a young Denise Drysdale. Oh and then she got stuck in the foam pit, so I love her. So much. Kimora clucked like a chicken while putting her feathers to use, Pythia SERVED, Stephanie was serious, Synthia was stunning, Beth just went for it while Icesis almost drowned in her fringing, though looked amazing. Kendall put her hair to use, Adriana slayed and Oceane struggled in the funniest way possible. Well except for the fact she heard her knee crack like Victoria and Eureka before her.
The dolls reconvened backstage and got to work dedragging with Pythia’s basement, like mine, well and truly flooded. Before they could couple up however, the judges returned to announce that Suki rightly took out the first victory of the season. Oh and now it was time for their first Maxi Challenge, where they needed to create a premiere party eleganza couture look from items left in a fake coat check. But they couldn’t wear the clothes as is, instead needing to design something that shows who they are. And as is customary, Suki was given an extra 30 seconds to rummage before the dolls joined her. And join her they did, knocking over running rails and pillaging anything they could find.
Well, except for Beth who was too picky and ended up with next to nothing.
As the dolls split up to take stock of their haul and come up with a game plan, we learnt that Oceane wanted to rock a stunning gown, though instead decided it would be best to go the comedy route to work around her busted knee. Beth meanwhile was stressed about designing with unconventional materials and given Pythia was nervous about her plan, maybe she should worry. And poor Stephanie meanwhile was planning to sew some fabric to a corset, which immediately made the dolls nervous given it is a cardinal sin of drag race.
Suki was planning to be draped, flowy, meshy, complete with cut-outs and well, I’m nervous. Not nervous though is Eve 6000, who is confident in her design ability, despite the fact she has never sewed before. Icesis was going to rock ticket stubs while Adriana was going in the pink. Oh and she sees Icesis’ hot nurse partner and raises her a hot doctor as her man. And well, I love this amazing duo.
Elimination Day rolled around as poor Océane hobbled in while the dolls spoke about the importance of selling their looks more so than looking the best. Synthia meanwhile was nervous about losing the first girl, while Icesis was trying to block everything out and focus on beating her mug. Beth and Synthia kikied with the former admitting that Synthia and the Brat Pack girls inspired her to do drag, while Kendall worried that Beth would get stuck in her head and wouldn’t be able to finish her look. Oh and then we were gagged to learn that Kimora has a 17 year old son and damn, she looks good given she has a near adult.
Océane then admitted that she beats her mug without contact lenses or her glasses and ugh, I love her. So much.
The judges were joined by Caitlin Cronenberg on the panel for the debut of the dolls Haute Check Couture looks with Pythia looking like a demented Marge Simpson in a neon figure hugging rouched gown. Kendall served sexy-kitty Dita Von Teese, Adriana was a charming mess in a pink and orange gown with a huge damn hat. Oceane was completely demented as the last drunk girl to exit the races, Beth was a curvy delight in a black and white number, Suki was STUNNING in a stunning – did I mention that? – green gown, complete with a bunch of awkward stumbles on the hem.
Eve 6000 was a slutty Hollywood glamazon serving horror snatch. Stephanie Prince was gorgeous in an architectural trans flag coloured gown, Gia Metric was kooky and pastel with a gorgeous permed wig. Icesis was avant garde and beautiful in a Westwood suit-dress, ticket gown, Kimora was a quinceanera delight, giving me Anita from West Side Story. Synthia meanwhile wore a golden jumpsuit and while she was stunning, it felt a little basic.
Pythia, Kendall, Adriana, Océane, Kimora and Synthia were sent to safety to untuck before the judges praised Beth for her bodice, along with her creativity. Though felt her dress was unfinished and she was trapped in her head on the runway. Though Brad surprisingly gave her a sweet peptalk and maybe I do love him? Suki was praised for looking stunning, though read for not putting many unconventional materials in her look. Eve was read for being unfinished, despite the judges living for her concept. Stephanie was praised for her polish and killer concept, particularly how well she designed for her body. Gia was praised for her confidence on the runway, though her look was read as a bit of a mess that misunderstood the assignment. And then Icesis received universal praise for everything she did, from her head to her toes.
Though Brooke wished her dress was shorter.
Backstage the tops and bottoms caught the dolls up with Gia and Eve battling for their place in the bottom two, while Beth stayed silent. Icesis spoke about her surprise at all the praise she received, given she has so much self-doubt. The dolls praised Océane for how well she sold the look, while Beth admitted that she is not confident. She then started to break down, leading to Kimora having to give her a pep talk.
Ultimately Icesis rightly took out the first victory over Suki and Stephanie, while Eve 600 narrowly avoided the bottom, leaving Beth and Gia to battle it out to my girl Nelly Furtado’s Maneater. Well after Eve sobbed to snatch a moment for five minutes. But when they got the chance to battle, boy did they battle. Beth was humping the stage, Gia was hitting every corner and stripping off. Which appeared to give her the edge as Gia was saved, again with the tears, while poor Beth became the porkchop of the season. Or Juice Boxx 2.0.
As soon as I saw how disappointed poor Beth was, I pulled her in for a massive hug and got to work doing my best drunk-person-you-met-in-the-bathroom. Through gritted teeth I madly explained how talented and perfect she is and to not let her departure get her down. I’m not sure if it was the fact my intensity made her nervous or whether she was truly feeling better, but she assured me that she would bounce back, knows she is a star and to not worry about her. Which was exactly the right thing to say to get me to relax enough to serve a big ol’ batch of Herb Breadth.
I know, I know – garlic bread is the best. Particularly when you add so much garlic it burns – thanks Karl! But I will fight to the death in defense of the majesty that is herb bread. The delicate combination of herbs work together to pack a punch, melting away in your mouth and taking all your troubles with it.
Serves: 2 dear friends.
100g butter, at room temperature
¼ cup parmesan
¼ cup fresh parsley, roughly chopped
2 tbsp fresh thyme leaves
2 tbsp fresh sage, roughly chopped
2 tbsp fresh oregano, roughly chopped
salt and pepper, to taste
Preheat the oven to 180°C.
Combine the butter, parmesan and herbs in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper, and stir to combine. You could also add a pinch of chilli flakes if you want, but no pressure.
Cut the baguettes into 2cm slices, leaving joined at the bottom. Spread the herb butter generously between the cuts and wrap each baguette in foil.
Place the herb bread in the oven and bake for about 20 minutes, or until golden, crisp and glorious. Devour immediately.
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