Drag

Sausage Heidi N Tartlets

Breakfast, Main, RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars, TV, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars the competition was well and truly starting to get to Heidi, as she worried that the judges weren’t feeling her this season despite solid performances week after week. Speaking of which, the dolls were tasked with starring in commercials for new prestige TV shows, where Heidi and Lala gave delightfully demented performances. Kandy asked Heidi about her moment in Untucked before the runway, which irked the former Miss Congeniality who threatened to spill tea to burn things down. In the sketches, Jaymes, Darienne and Alexis landed in the bottom, with Alexis gladly throwing Darienne under the bus for their predicament. Jimbo on the other hand rightly won her second challenge – despite Heidi and Lala’s killer work – and discovered she would be losing the lip sync to Shannel before Darienne, the icon, was sent to the house by the girls.

Backstage Jimbo was on cloud nine to have secured her place as the front runner while Jaymes was simply thrilled to have survived. And most importantly, have more closet space since she and Darienne shared a station. Talk turned to Heidi serving all the ass and after they pinned the tail on her, talk turned to the votes with everyone gagged to finally have a unanimous one, aside from Darienne’s vote for her friend Jaymes. Jimbo then added some spice, pretending she had pulled Alexis’ lipstick, but ultimately pulled out Darienne’s name too and while everyone was cackling with the Canadian icon, Alexis knew that as the frontrunner, all the girls now definitely had their eyes on her.

The next day the dolls were thrilled for another fresh start, none more so than Alexis who was hoping to get fresh with Lala. Before they could get physical, Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s Maxi Challenge the dolls would be playing the Snatch Game of Love. Which feels kinda fitting, no? They split up to talk through THE challenge, with Lala nervous to be popping her cherry, though hopeful to slay as Sukihana. Jessica shared she will be playing PR icon Iris Chacon, Jaymes is FINALLY bringing Jennifer Coolidge to the stage and ugh, I stan. Alexis pulled Jimbo aside to talk through the pressure of having won Snatch Games in the past and you know Alexis is confident to repeat as Bea Arthur. And well, she did a lot of study. Jimbo meanwhile wasn’t worried about the pressure, creating joyful chaos and getting piggybacks.

She moved on to helping clean Lala’s titties before Ru dropped by to kiki with the dolls, with her thrilled to see Kahanna had prepared with a jar of cheetos. So yes, she will be playing her mama Coco and damn I hope she makes her proud. Jimbo delighted Ru with the fact she’ll be playing Shirley Temple and while Ru has very high expectations, I am sure Jimbo can meet them. Heidi will be serving as Blackbeard and after opening up to Ru about struggling with the pressure of the competition, Ru reiterated she just wants her to have fun. So have fun, Heidi assured us, she will have!

We transitioned to the Snatch Game set where we met Heidi as Blackbird, Jessica as Iris, Kahanna as Coco and Jaymes as Jennifer Coolidge who’d be fighting for the affections of snatchelor #1 Matt Rogers. From the first moment, this was Jaymes’ show, dominating from the word hiiiiiiii. Heidi meanwhile was stupid and so much fun – until Kahanna struggled and she got shady – Kahanna was stuck with one note and Jessica was charming, but nothing else. So obviously Matt chose Jaymes as Jennifer as the winner. Competing for the affections of snatchelor #2, Brisbane’s own Bowen Yang, were Alexis as my girl Bea Arthur, Kandy went with Mob Wife Renee Graziano, Lala’s Sukihana and Shirley Temple and ugh, just give her that third win now. Jimbo was funny, she was demented and oh so perfect, and while Alexis gave us a stunning Bea, Kandy was a ratchet icon and Lala was high energy, there was no stopping the stupidity of Jimbo taking Bowen’s heart.

Oh and then Matt and Bowen lip synced and it was stunning.

Elimination Day arrived with Jimbo tapping her way in, no doubt knowing she is about to collect another win. Kandy then borrowed the Shirley wig and shoes for her own little interlude before Jimbo and Alexis spoke about how much fun they had together and how fun it was to give each other space to play. Kahanna meanwhile pulled Kandy aside to talk about feeling upset about how Heidi treated her during the Snatch Game, leading to Kandy talking about Heidi going to Jimbo off camera and telling her that Kandy was coming for her. Jessica meanwhile was nervous, though hoping she did enough to scrape by. Alexis then checked in on Kahanna and she told her she was ok until Heidi started coming for her mid-challenge, given she was already down, after which she spiralled.

Heidi was shocked that Kahanna felt she was coming for her, thinking she was giving her something to volley and help her land a joke. Kahanna wasn’t having it however and while Heidi apologised, Jaymes also mentioned to us that Heidi played it exactly how Snatch Game is meant to be played. Kandy then asked why Heidi told Jimbo she was coming for her when she didn’t, with Heidi backing herself and assuring her sisters that it definitely happened and Alexis was even present to confirm it. And while she agreed at first, she immediately backpedalled with Heidi saying that she straight up told her she would send Jimbo home if she was in the bottom. The four of them all fought back and forth, with Jimbo just feeling awkward to be stuck between two friends. Everyone was in silence before Heidi told Jimbo that she just told her what she heard and to remember this when it comes time to vote. All of them, as she was done.

After barely a moment to catch our breath, Heidi told everyone how much she hates how this has become and what it has done to them all, so instead of leaving things up to chance, she instead opted to tap out immediately. As she exited, Kandy and Alexis followed to try and get her to change her mind but alas, there was nothing they could do. As Heidi assured everyone that she loved them as she fought back tears and ran for the exit.

As she made it outside, I pulled her in for a massive hug and assured her that the judges and the viewing audience all love her and know how talented she is. And while I hated to see her go before the finale – because you know she deserved a place at the end with Jimbo – I understood that like Adore and DeLa before her, she knew when it was time to go to look after herself and since she more than proved herself a star on her first season, all that was left for me to do was toast her success with a fresh batch of Sausage Heidi N Tartlets.

Breakfast is my favourite meal of the day, and when you throw in sausage and pastry, I am honestly in heaven. Delicate egg carries little spiced nuggets of sausage, feta and tomato, as your teeth break at gloriously flaky crust – need I say more?

Enjoy!

Sausage Heidi N Tartlets
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
4 pork sausages
8 eggs
⅓ cup cream
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
2 sheets of puff pastry
1 punnet cherry tomatoes, halved
2 tbsp chives, sliced
200g feta, crumbled

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Pop a skillet over medium heat and once hot, remove the sausages from the casings and pop little meatballs into the pan to cook, stirring, for about five minutes or until cooked through and starting to crisp. Remove from the heat and transfer to some paper towel to drain.

In a large bowl, whisk the eggs and cream with a good whack of salt and pepper. Cut the pastry into 9 squares and press into muffin tins. Divide the tomatoes between the pastry, followed by the sausage, chives and then some feta, before topping with the egg mixture.

Transfer to the oven to bake for about 20 minutes, or until golden and puffed, before devouring, like a soft and supple icon.


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Pink Chadorade

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Drink, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España the top seven were gagged after returning to the Werk Room to farewell Visa, only to discover that she and the other eliminated queens were sitting behind the mirror All Stars 2 style. The next day they learnt that they would be competing for a chance to officially return to the competition in a little comedy show, with the help of one of the remaining queens. As the odd woman out, Clover was left to MC the event and while that is normally a curse, she absolutely slayed. Though sadly not enough for a win, a Vania and Kelly took out the challenge and saw our zaddy roll on back into the competition.

At the other end of the pack, The Macarena and Visa made an error when it came to selecting their partners. Well, unless their intention was to curse their enemies, in which case – well done, you succeeded! While both The Macarena and Pink, and Visa and Pitita tried to lean into their feuding, it just left us with two awkward sets and landed Pink and Pitita in the bottom three alongside Pakita who, despite wanting Maria to have fun in the challenge, was just kind of a mess. Despite being a sweetheart.

The trio took their places on the runway and despite Visa being sure each and every one of them would easily send Pitita home. As soon as No Controles by Olé Olé kicked off, it was clear just how wrong she was, as Pitita far and away owned the performance, hitting every lyric and selling comedy and bounce and well, it was a show. Pink threw off her wig and Pitita served sex, however it was not enough to beat our frontrunner as she easily saved herself from elimination and sent her biggest competition Pink out the door alongside Pakita.

Despite having read Pink as the queen truly getting favoured by the judges, there is no denying how much of an iconic talent she is. And as such, I pulled her in for a hug and congratulated her on a strong run. I mean, she won two challenges and never really faltered – except for this week – which more than earns a toast with some Pink Chadorade, in my books.

Pink lemonade is literally the most nostalgic possible drink you can imagine. Well, at least to an Aussie kid. It brings me back to summer, the smell of the ocean and climbing trees in beer gardens. And while this brings more flavour with grenadine, I know the kid in me would approve the change.

Enjoy!

Pink Chadorade
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
1 tbsp grenadine
1 ½ cups lemonade

Method
Pour grenadine in a glass. Top with lemonade. Down. Repeat.


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Bakitad Orzo and Meatballs

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Main, Pasta, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España the dolls starred in a rusical which obviously lasted a full 15 minutes, because this is Spain. Pink Chadora and Clover Bish were a solid duo of Dorothy’s in the club scene take on The Wizard of Oz, though once again it was Pitita that shined amongst the trio of friends. At the expense of the others. Visa in particular, who was also read for her runway while Clover was read for blending in despite being the lead. Further cementing her place as the frontrunner, Pititia took out her third win, enraging Visa who felt she was being favoured. Her mood definitely didn’t improve when she landed in the bottom opposite Clover – who is experiencing the opposite of favouritism – who promptly sent her home.

Backstage Clover was fondly remembering Visa and her potty mouth. After reading her mirror message the dolls all spoke about their love for Visa, while Clover was glad they could turn a show for them in the lip sync. Pitita on the other hand, wasn’t so sad, given Visa read her in Untucked. Thankfully though, that was only in a confessional because the mirror lit up revealing each of the eliminated queens. The top seven were gagged, taking their places around the table to kiki as the six eliminated queens sashayed back into the Werk Room one by one and while they all looked an-gry and Visa straight up threatened revenge, I’m hoping they are all lovely and supportive.

The next day the reunited cast returned to the Werk Room with everyone as kind and excited as I hoped, as everyone welcomed them back. Well until Visa jumped in, assuring the dolls she has more to show and that she is ready to fight. She then caught everyone up on the fact she read Pitita for being favoured by the judges given she can’t lip sync and they don’t want her eliminated. And while she was looking for a fight, Pitita was confident in her skills and was rather unbothered by the entire thing and well, I love the drama but was glad when Supremme dropped by and put an end to things. She welcomed back her fallen daughters explaining that for a chance to return to the competition, they would be paired with a surviving queen to perform a comedy set with the one in the winning duo returning to the competition. Oh and to really up the stakes, she shared that two of the surviving queens would be going home in a threeway lip sync.

The eliminated queens were called forward to select partners with Visa opting for Pitita – for reasons beyond my comprehension if she wants back in, but whatever – The Macarena selected Pink, Kelly went with Vania, Chanel locked in with Hornella, Chuchi picked Bestiah while Maria partnered up with Pakita. Leaving poor Clover in the cursed spot of being the solo host, who generally ends up in the bottom in the US seasons. But as she rides solo, if she wins, she alone can decide who makes a triumphant return to the contest.

As they split up to work on their set, Visa admitted she chose Pitita to clear the air and become friends. But mainly since they have drama, it should make for an exciting watch for the judges. And if she is favoured, that should help her. Though when clearing the air, Pitita carefully worded her apology, meaning Visa wasn’t thrilled by it and well, the feud lives, sadly. After 10 minutes of fighting that ended with them agreeing to use the rage, we checked in with Bestiah and Chuchi and while the former was disappointed to be paired with her, they were super zen and focused. Well, until Clover dropped by to kiki, no doubt sick of being lonely. The dolls told her that they hoped that since nobody expects them to excel at comedy, that surprising them is all it should take to survive.

The Macarena and Pink were glad to already be comfortable reading each other, while Hornella felt that as a duo, they were a ticking time bomb. Hornella and Chanel meanwhile were trying to make the best of things, though Chanel admitted to being the gift Hornella didn’t really want. Oh and then Clover dropped by to needle them for information, and I love that vibe for her. Vania and Kelly meanwhile were dirty and giggling and ugh, just seeing their chemistry you know they are the ones to beat. Once again begging the question, why did Visa and The Macarena pick people they didn’t vibe with? Oh and Pakita and Maria were drama-free sweethearts and I only want good things for them. 

Dia de eliminacion arrived with the dolls talking about how they are handling the pressure as they beat their mugs, with Pitita once again getting attacked, this time by Pink Chadora, who decided she also helped her and as such, Pitita needed to learn to thank others and credit them on the runway. Clover being an icon, ran to the drama to see it all unfold and ideally, use it to fuel her set. The Macarena joined in on the pile up with Pink calling Pitita her external saboteur and well, isn’t continuing to fight with her keeping her in her mind and as such, weakening you for the challenge ahead? But whatever.

Supremme, Ana y los Javis were joined on the panel by Eva Soriano as Clover stomped onto stage to open the Reinas de la Comedia show with charm and energy. Maria started with an awkward little song before Pakita popped out of her dress like a baby and while I thought it made zero sense because of the language barrier, the judges also looked pretty confused, rather than amused. Clover was cute as she read her sisters before Bestiah and Chuchi did a solid performance as influencer mean girls, reading for filth and shocking the judges and their sisters equally. 

Each break Clover went from strength to strength, reading Hornella and Chanel before the dolls were cute with their kiddy schtick. Sorry, vicious kiddy schtick. Vania and Kelly meanwhile were perfection from start to finish giving dirty, gossiping housewives that had the energy of Detox and Tatianna, which is a smart choice on their part. Most importantly, they had everyone in stitches from start to finish. The Macarena y Pink Chadora had some strong reads, though kinda felt like they forgot about the challenge half way through and just started to yell at each other and let’s just say, everyone was awkward. Pitita and Visa closed the show and while they started strong, it derailed quickly and while they thought the fake out fight and storm out was cute, Pitita girl, you are in danger. So thankfully Clover closed the show strongly.

On the Peluca Palooza runway, Pink looked devilishly good in red. Ironically. Pitita gave pink Diana Ross realness and was absolute perfection, Bestiah looked like Club Kid Sulley, though stacked it and bled through what should have been a triumphant walk. Vania gave plait, plait, plait and looked camp and fun in equal measure. Hornella meanwhile gave full glam and full bush and damn, she really is overdue for a win because she hasn’t really faltered. Oh and Clover was lovely in lilac serving bearded anime icon while Pakita was drowning in all my hair that is stuck in the drain. 

The judges felt Pakita’s look was creative and different from what her sisters offered, however felt the comedy was not great. Bestiah was praised for playing to their strengths and selling their chemistry, and for looking stunning on the runway, despite the blood stains. Hornella was read for not maintaining the momentum of their solid start in the performance, though the judges agreed she was perfect on the runway. Vania and Kelly received universal praise for all that they did, maintaining the laughs from start to finish and for looking stunning on the runway. Pink meanwhile was read for having no chemistry or jokes, despite a beautiful runway while Pitita too was read for giving such an awkward performance. While they obviously loved her runway. Clover on the other hand received universal praise and ugh, I am so proud of her and glad that she got the chance to shine.

Backstage The Macarena felt bad about bringing Pink down in the challenge, while Visa was shocked that she and Pitita didn’t shine. Which the latter felt was a deliberate attack against her. Pakita meanwhile thought she was definitely in danger, though admitted she just hoped Maria  enjoyed herself, before the dolls congratulated Clover on a solid MC gig and for finally snatching her moment.

Ultimately Clover was sent to safety – robbed – before Vania and Kelly were deemed the winners of this week’s challenge, seeing zaddy Kelly skate her way right back into the competition like a damn icon. Pink learnt that she was one of the dolls lip syncing tonight before Hornella and Bestiah were sent to safety, leaving Pakita and Pitita to face off against Pink. And given Pakita was up against the two front runners, it was obvious she would be going home.

As soon as she sashayed away, I pulled her aside and pulled her in for a massive hug; grateful for not just being a stunning, sweet soul but also a sickening performer who truly belonged at the end of the competition. But alas, Drag Race producers love to both gag and goop in equal measure, and as such, we were robbed of her being a finalist. And instead, had to celebrate the only way I know, a gloriously rich pasta dish like Bakitad Orzo and Meatballs.

Not only is this dish gloriously comforting and delicious, but given that it is baked, it is super easy. Which as I get older, definitely becomes a priority. Sweet, rich and a little spicy, it is the perfect dish for the middle of the week or a glorious weekend meal.

Enjoy!

Bakitad Orzo and Meatballs
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 tbsp butter, melted 
2 tbsp olive oil
6 garlic cloves, minced 
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
2 tbsp tomato paste 
400g tin diced tomatoes 
2 ½ cups chicken stock
500g orzo 
500g beef mince
250g pork mince
1 egg, beaten 
½ cup panko bread crumbs 
¼ cup fresh basil, roughly chopped
¼ cup flat leaf parsley, roughly chopped
1 tsp chilli flakes
½ tsp oregano
¼ tsp thyme
¼ tsp rosemary
3 cups spinach 
½ cup parmesan cheese

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Combine the butter, oil, ½ of the grated garlic, ½ teaspoon of kosher salt, a good whack of pepper, tomato paste, diced tomatoes, 1 cup of the chicken stock and orzo in a casserole dish, stirring well. Cover with some foil and bake for 20 minutes. 

While that gets juicy, combine the minces, egg, bread crumbs, half of the basil, the remaining garlic, two teaspoons salt, chilli, oregano, thyme and rosemary in a large bowl. Once well combined, form into golf-ball sized balls and leave to rest on a plate.

Remove the orzo and stir through the remaining stock, basil, parsley and the spinach and parmesan, before dotting the balls on the top. Return to the oven to back for a further 20 minutes, or until cooked through

Serve immediately with some parmesan and fresh herbs, devouring like an icon.


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Darienne Blakeberry Martini

Drink, RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars, TV, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars, fresh off touring together – and knowing they were massive threats as a runner-up and Ru’s fave, respectively – Kandy and Jimbo vowed to keep each other safe. Along with their fellow tour mate – and another Ru fave – Heidi. That wasn’t necessary yet, however, as The Supermarket Ball saw them all thrive to varying degrees, alongside Alexis and Jessica. On the other hand, it proved to be a struggle for our old gals with MKD proud that can’t sew – she is not Amish and has good credit, after all – and Darienne struggling with the finishing touches. Before taking the runway, Heidi admitted she wasn’t sure if she’d vote on track record, which made Kahanna nervous, given it is what saved her the week before. Ultimately she didn’t have to worry as MKD and Darienne landed in the bottom, Heidi threatened to quit for being safe, while Jessica’s creativity won out and then she beat lip sync assassin Ra’Jah to jag $30k. And tragically eliminate MKD.

Backstage the dolls were exhausted but thrilled to have made it through the ball, while Jessica was gagged to have won more money in the lip sync than the winner of her original season. Jessica admitted that she saved Darienne because she clearly has the fire and that MKD essentially told her she was good to go. The dolls sat down, leading to Darienne counting out the lipsticks with Jaymes and Jimbo admitting to being two of the votes, given they are sticking to voting solely on track record. Jessica meanwhile got iconic, asking if anyone wants to admit they aren’t happy with her win, with Kahanna telling her that she was shocked, though not disappointed. Jaymes spoke about really wanting it but assured her that she was proud of her, with Heidi also talking about not thinking she was going to win but being proud of her nonetheless. And while the congratulations sucked, trust and believe Jessica was fired up to continue slaying and send them home one by one. Like an icon.

The next day Heidi’s energy was back up, ready to jag her first win by smashing a hyman – or heisman, who knows – before the dolls lolled about MKD’s mess of a final dress. After Jimbo tossed her salad at the dolls, Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s Maxi Challenge they would be writing and filming trailers for new shows. And to assign teams, they’d need to smash balloons with the Pit Crew, so fucking swoon. Lala was topped by Bruno into the green team, Kahanna bottomed for Bryce into green before Kandy took it from Bruno until she landed on the purple team. Darienne haphazardly topped Bryce into the blue, Heidi also bottomed for Bruno into green, Jessica was eiffel towered into purple, Jaymes was choked into blue, Bryce took it from Alexis into blue before Jimbo rounded out purple. Despite not getting face fucked, as per her request.

After everyone tidied up, the groups split up to brainstorm their shows with Alexis, Darienne and Jaymes trying to pick a genre, and while Jaymes has voted for Darienne twice now, she lived for Darienne’s island of fake-dead celebs ala Lost. And while Alexis felt like it was too convoluted to sell in a short time, she trusted her sisters were funny enough to make it work. Kahanna, Lala and Heidi were focused on logic and humour, going with two dumb dumbs trying to kidnap a hottie. Who ultimately escapes because her tucking panties are rank. Jimbo, Jessica and Kandy – aka the winning team – were going with Heathers does Carrie, until Kandy suggested spoofs won’t take out victory given the judges may not think they are creative. And since Jimbo and Kandy argued over who should play the killer – one of them or the Pit Crew – maybe I jinxed them and Heidi is finally going to get her win. Because Jimbo is right in thinking Ru just wants to laugh and doesn’t care about logic.

We followed them straight to set to film with Emmy winner Michelle Visage where Kandy struggled to fake-out with Bryce, Jessica slayed faking a blow job with Bruno before Jimbo tried to pull lippie out of all the holes. And while Michelle was worried they’d get cancelled, I am hopeful this is going to be a hilarious, sexy classic. Lala and Heidi meanwhile were unhinged in all the right ways, which made Kahanna nervous about not being up to their level. Darienne meanwhile was still vibing her concept, Alexis was smutty and Jaymes was surprisingly off and damn, I hope this is a fake out because I am rooting for them to have their breakout moment this week.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone splitting up to work through the key art for their shows, with Team Run Queen Run – Lala, Heidi and Kahanna – quickly locking something before kikiing about how the other teams did. Alexis meanwhile was nervous about their commercial, given Michelle gave them nothing during filming. Kandy and Jimbo meanwhile spoke about the fact the dolls view them as the biggest threats, speculating that if they land in the bottom, they will definitely be going home. They then formed an alliance with Jessica, vowing to protect each other should that happen. They called over Alexis to talk about how her team went with Alexis confident she wasn’t the worst, hinting it is Jaymes and gurl, please leave her alone. Kandy meanwhile checked in with how Heidi was feeling and while I think it was genuine, Heidi returned to being flustered, feeling like Kandy was trying to make her appear weak in front of everyone and paint a target on her back. Heidi then went off, telling Lala that she has tea that was spilled off camera and trust, if and when she reveals it, it will turn besties into enemies real fast.

Ru, Michelle and TS were joined by young Maude Apatow as the Ass The World Turns runway was opened – all the way up – by Jaymes in an iconic Mayan goddess bodysuit with all the curves in all the right places. Darienne gave golden space warrior, Alexis gave bridal badonkadonk – complete with natural cake – Kandy served anime blow-up doll realness, Jessica was glamorous in white – with a kiss on her arse, to boot – Jimbo gave the alien, upmarket version of Kandy’s runway, Heidi zagged serving slutty Eeyore, Kahanna served the journey to her implanted butt before Lala closed the show in a stunning red suit in front with a full arse out, in the back.

When it came to their commercials, Get Off Island was a bit of a mess but still fun, as Darienne played a stunning bimbo. Jessica, Kandy and Jimbo meanwhile were perfect from start to finish, with Jimbo the breakout of Best Friends 4 Never as she turned into a murderous nerd. While group Run Queen Run were fun and camp, though it was mainly due to Heidi and Lala’s accent work. Ru then gagged the dolls announcing that this week would be judged as teams, with Run Queen Run sent to safety before Jaymes received praise for her Marilyn, though was read for their commercial not having any laughs. Though her look was beloved. Darienne was praised for slaying her role and looking the best she’s ever looked, though read for not giving enough jokes. While Alexis was deemed the best on the runway, though their sketch was just pleasant. 

Obviously Alexis immediately threw Darienne under the bus for coming up with the concept as she apologised to the judges. Darienne meanwhile pointed out that everything has been done before, so she felt it was a good concept. Moving on to the other group Kandy received universal praise for her mean girl schtick while the judges lived for the spoof concept, given it gave them room to play. Oh and they loved her outfit. Jessica too was beloved though Michelle cautioned that she needed to add more highlights to her make-up. While Jimbo received all the top marks, given she is a star and was far and away the best actress across all the commercials. Which is why she took out her second victory of the season, while all three of the bottom team were up for elimination. Officially.

Backstage Heidi, Lala and Kahanna were thrilled to be safe, with the latter thrilled that her implants and the runway saved her. The trio spoke about how fun a week they had, putting that down as the reason for succeeding. Kahanna meanwhile thanked her sisters for helping her get the confidence to slay and ugh, I love this for them. Talked turned to Heidi’s moment last week, with her admitting she is grateful to have cleared her head and be able to just have fun. They then started speculating who the tops and bottoms would be, agreeing that the school girls would definitely be winning while one of the islanders would be getting off.

As they spoke about Darienne being an icon, the tops and bottoms joined and immediately confirmed their suspicions on placements. Alexis again spoke about wishing she had mentioned she wasn’t vibing on the concept, with Darienne pointing out she could have thrown out ideas but she didn’t and her calling out Darienne felt like she was excusing herself of any blame. And while I get what Alexis is saying, it wasn’t nice. Good TV, but not nice. Jaymes was first to kiki with Jimbo pointing out she has had a solid run thus far and as such, she feels she should stay and continue her rudemption. And given they were vibing, we can mark her down as definitely safe. Darienne meanwhile agreed with the dolls that while her track record hasn’t been great, she doesn’t really feel like people should focus on track records. Alexis immediately refuted that, saying there should be grace for one stumble and she is here for both herself and her sisters. Despite throwing one under the bus.

Alexis was next to kiki with Jimbo, with Jimbo straight up asking her to identify who should go home with Alexis saying Darienne owned the concept and as such, that would be a reason to go home while Jaymes was also the weakest performance. While Jimbo hilariously wanted to send her out for not having her sisters’ back. Jaymes meanwhile told the dolls that her track record should speak for herself and that she has come a long way. Oh and she will shit in everyone’s station if they kick her out. Darienne meanwhile assured Jimbo that keeping her will be best for her game, and that if she were saved, there will be undying loyalty and werk, Darienne. Let’s hope Jimbo rewards her wanting to play the game, rather than punishes it.

Oh and then Maude dropped by and was so cute and sweet, but that is all. 

With that the dolls voted before Jimbo took her place on stage where she learnt that this lip sync she’d be losing to the OG drama queen, Shannel. As soon as Joan Jett’s Bad Reputation kicked off however, Jimbo looked ready to win her first lip sync as she served rocker in all the right ways. Sadly for her though, so did Shannel. And well, she had a little Vegas showgirl reveal alongside some comedy tricks, complete with broken nails, which was enough to secure her the win, making Jimbo 0 from 5. After she took her place at the back of the stage, Shannel announced that despite a solid week where she wouldn’t have been in the bottom if it wasn’t judged in groups, poor Darienne’s return was cut short. And ugh, I am heartbroken.

As Darienne arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug as I sobbed, gutted to have lost our old dames back to back. I then apologised for not being a massive fan in Season 6, with Darienne reminding me that isn’t really relevant, though I wanted her to know how drastically my opinion had changed. Darienne – the icon who served your mother darns socks in hell – has always been a polished, talented performer, however this season, it felt like she had less to prove so she was just vibing and having fun. And in turn, I had fun watching her slay – despite what the placements would have you believe – which to me, more than earns her a toast with a Darienne Blakeberry Martini.

Sweet, tart and a little bit sour, this drink has it all. The blackberry, lemon and gin work perfectly to refresh your palate and cleanse the soul, to avoid the socks in hell sitch.

Enjoy!

Darienne Blakeberry Martini
Serves: a lake’s worth, or 4.

Ingredients
2 cups blackberries
¼ cup crème de cassis
1 tbsp raw caster sugar
1 cup gin
2 tbsp Triple Sec
1 tbsp sugar syrup
2 tbsp fresh lemon juice, plus lemon wedges to prep
kosher salt

Method
Blitz the blackberries, creme de cassis and sugar in a blender until smooth and strain into a jug.

Fill a martini shaker with ice, top with the gin, triple sec, lemon juice, sugar syrup and ⅓ cup of the berry puree. Shake like a polaroid picture, which you’re not meant to do, for about 20 seconds, or until well combined.

Rub the rims of the glasses with lemon and press into a little bit of salt – I know, very marg, but I’m a salty gal. Divide the martini amongst the glasses, then down, like the legend you are.


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Peasa Hummus

Condiment, Dip, Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Drag Race España the queens finally played the Snatch Game and while it is often something I struggle to translate, it was clear that Pink Chadora, Hornella, Vania and Visa were the stars of the show. Though it did feel like Hornella and Vania were a double act, rather than two performances. At the other end of the pack, Bestiah struggled, The Macarena gave only voice and somehow, the judges hated Pakita’s slutty Peppa Pig which was honestly iconic. After Pink took out her second victory – and vowed to split the money with Hornella – before Bestiah was saved leaving robbed icon Pakita to face off against our favourite returning queen. And then promptly sent her home. Again.

Backstage Pakita was feeling bad for The Macarena, given she was so kind to her despite the fact she also drove her mad. As she sobbed through cleaning the mirror, the dolls looked on a little awkwardly given Pink Chadora, in particular, was thrilled to see her go. After they sat down, Pakita opened up about how surprised she was to have made such strong bonds in the competition, while Clover was just gagged to see Pakita showing emotion after being so stoic. Talk turned to Pink’s second win with her admitting she was sure Hornella would win, which is why she shared her prize. While Pitita hilariously pointed out to us that it made more sense to trust the judges opinion, even if they clearly just focused on the loudest person in the room. 

The next day things were far more uplifting as the dolls entered the Werk Room to The Macarena’s song. Talk immediately returned to the competition, with Vania hoping she would also get a little prize from Hornella, given she helped carry her to second. Pitita pointed out a table of gifts sitting next to them, with them speculating maybe a little sewing challenge is coming up. Supremme then dropped by to announce that they won’t be whipping out the Janome, and instead, they’d be starring in a rusical. No doubt lasting 45 minutes like last season. But first, the boxes, with Supremme announcing they were actually gifts from home with Pakita getting a belt and shaw – or is that sash – Hornella had a styrofoam papaya – yuck – and a vibrator – work – Pink Chadora had a book of her husband’s poetry, Bestiah got an anime drawing of her little family, Clover got nutella and a letter, Pitita got a teddy from su abuela, Visa got Mexican candies from su novio y Vania got a turtle from su madre, which was originally her grandmothers.

Meaning grandmothers and teddys are having a big episode tonight.

As everyone wiped away their tears, Supreme announced that they’d be starring in El Mago Precoz – aka The Wizard of Oz – and to secure their roles, they will even have to audition. After Supremme departed, the dolls sat down to read the script and figure out which roles they’d be going out for. Barely able to finish it, Vania was called into the audition suite with Supremme and a trio of zaddies with her being a delight from start to finish. Clover was up next and missed the final note of her scale, Hornella was horny, Pitita was camp and kooky, Pakita was a screaming delight, Pink struggled to maintain the anger they required, Visa flooded my basement while Bestiah closed auditions with demented delight. 

Dia de eliminacion arrived with the dolls a healthy mix of excitement of nerves, with Clover thrilled to have jagged one of the leads (Doro, to Pink’s Tea, get it?). Pitita, Pakita and Visa were excited to be her three friends, Hornella was ready to shine as the Wizard while Vania was thrilled to be the Glinda proxy while Bestiah was ready to eat as the Wicked Witch. As they split up to beat their mugs, Pitita opened up to Pakita about being misunderstood as a child and how growing up in a conservative household made it difficult at home in addition to school, where she didn’t have many friends. Thankfully once she left school and moved out, she learnt to trust in herself and form good relationships, which have helped her thrive and TBH, just crown Pitita now because she is such a sweet icon.

Supremme, Ana y Los Javis were joined by my dear friend Penelope’s little sister, Monica Cruz to watch the opening and closing night of El Mago Precoz – which commenced at the 34 minute mark, for the record – with Vania killing it as Club Glinda, while Pitita ate as the scarecrow stand-in, which sadly left Pakita and Visa to fade into the background. Hornella was fun with her brief role, while Clover and Pink were hurt by the fact they spent the entire time on stage. All 60 hours of it, like 8 Gay Men with AIDS. Finishing at the 48 minute mark, FYI.

On the Tres Looks en Uno Runway Pakita went from yellow frilled fun into flamenco to sexy icon, however I already fear the judges will say they weren’t really three looks. Vania went from winter coat to a messy brown dress to an even messier dress before offering a fourth pride swimsuit look. Hornella served from trash bag to pigeon lady to a rag princess, Pink went from PJs to house dress to evening gown, Pitita served LBD to gorgeous green gown to full length pink drama and dolls, this is how it is done. Bestiah went for rock queen, to cloud demon before slaying a red and black look and well, it was GOOD. Visa meanwhile was a pink puff before revealing a teal gown(?) before transforming, slowly, into a butterfly. While Clover iconically served Bratz in all the colours – aka Sugar and Spice.

Bestiah and Pink were sent to safety before Pakita was praised – rightly, despite my fears – for a stunning runway though read for not having enough of a presence in the rusical. Vania received universal praise for the challenge, though was cautioned to bring more polish to the runways. Hornella too was beloved, before Pitita – as is becoming tradition – received all the praise and then some, for stealing the show in the rusical and giving such a killer runway. Visa meanwhile was read for not bringing enough in the challenge though praised for two out of three of the looks landing. Clover was praised for lip syncing two episodes ago, though read for not bringing that passion to the rusical, despite a strong runway. Clover rightly wasn’t sure why the judges were reading her, with Javier Ambrossi explaining they just don’t want her to bring herself down to other people’s level when dancing and instead shine.

Backstage Bestiah was disappointed to be safe while Pink was more focused on the fact Hornella is likely winning. On the other hand, they could not clock the bottoms. Right on cue, the dolls joined them with Clover opening up about the judges reading her again, despite not really being bad. Visa was okay with her critiques, given she knows rusicals are not her jam, despite the dolls telling her she slayed all the moves. She admitted that it sucks to see other dolls slay weeks they felt they were going to bomb before she read dolls for being favoured. Specifically Pitita and while I love Visa, Pitita is not the one to come for. Pink is, but I digress. 

Ultimately Vania was deemed safe before Pitita took out her third win of the season, leaving Hornella as a very capable runner-up. Pakita meanwhile was the last to join them, leaving Clover and Visa to battle it out for the final slot to Beth’s Dime and once again, Clover proved to be a killer performer when it counted, owning the stage and giving all the energy. Visa meanwhile was living her best life, feeling all the emotions, stripping off and flipping up onto heels. Sadly for her, however, it wasn’t enough to win over the judges – despite both the dolls splitting in perfect synergy – as Clover was sent to safety, eliminating her from the competition.

Well, until next week’s return challenge, but once again, I digress.

Before she took her place behind the mirror All Stars 2 style, I pulled Visa aside and assured her that she has more than slayed the competition and should hold her head high. Despite the fact she felt Pititia was getting praise she didn’t deserve, I tried to redirect her anger towards Pink and while we’ll have to wait and see next week whether I was successful, we dropped the conversation and instead toasted her run – thus far – with a sweet, rich Peasa Hummus.

While this recipe is super simple – mashing peas into hummus, if you go store bought – it is one of those things that prove how you don’t have to work hard to eat something delicious.

Enjoy!

Peasa Hummus
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
1 cup Ivana Hummus
¾ cup peas
1 tsp chilli flakes

Method
Make the hummus as per Ivana’s recipe and cook the peas – in the microwave or boiled, I don’t mind – for a couple of minutes, or until vibrant, bright and warmed.

Drain and place the peas in a bowl and mash before stirring through the hummus and chilli flakes. While you could also blitz, I prefer this one to feel a little more rustic with the chunkiness, rather than it being too smooth. If that is your jam, no judgement, get blitzing.

Either way, load up on crudites and crackers and then devour. Feeling healthy and fresh, like the skinny legend you – and Tracey Martell, of course – are.


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Chocolate, Hazelnut & Mrspresso Eskashagot Davis

Baking, Dessert, RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars the dolls starred in live sketch comedy show RDR live (and despite having three SNL cast members appearing across the season, hilariously none guest judged the episode). After rehearsal, Lala approached Heidi about forming a little bit of an alliance, making Heidi far and away the most protected person on the cast should she ever land in the bottom. One of her OG allies Jimbo absolutely slayed the challenge with light and shade – as did Heidi herself, Jessica and Jaymes – while Kahanna was one note and Naysha just got lost. Ultimately Jimbo took out victory – that runway – and faced off against UK vs. the World nemesis, Pangina, who obviously won the lip sync, leaving Naysha to be sent home by the girls.

Backstage Jimbo was well and truly feeling her oats after taking out the win – murder by lip sync, be damned – while Jessica was gutted to have lost her sister Naysha. Who reminded the dolls that she will always be prettier than them via mirror message, so she is ok to be eliminated. After sitting down to receive her flowers from the dolls, Jimbo revealed she also voted for Naysha given Kahanna just won the week before. On that note Kahanna counted the lipsticks – eventually – gagged to see three votes for her, with Jessica admitting that she just couldn’t bring herself to vote for her Puerto Rican sister. And she did not give a shit about what anyone feels about that decision. MKD then admitted to being the other one that voted for her, opening up that she reacted to Naysha’s emotional plea in Untucked and while Kahanna assured her dolls there is no bad blood, Mrs. Kasha Davis, you in danger girl. And I hate that for us.

The next day the dolls were excited to potentially be lip syncing for $30K this week. Well, if they win, that is. Everyone asked Jaymes about her kerchief, with her admitting it is hankie code for bondage, which made Kahanna wet. Alexis asked everyone if they had been in a swing, with her arm shooting straight up before Jaymes admitted she had, while Heidi offered that she had pushed someone in one, as she is what? A dom top. Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s Maxi Challenge they would be throwing a little ball. Specifically the Supermarket Ball, first they would be stomping the runway in a Legen-dairy Queen look, the second would be Fruity Patootie and finally they would design and make a Supermarket Supermodel Eleganza look for the third runway. Using only supermarket supplies. Carried in by an epically large Pit Crew and hot damn, my basement is flooded. I mean, it was Spain up in here.

After aggressively rifling through the goods the dolls split up to figure out what the hell they would design, with Jimbo worried about looking messy while MKD admitted the only balls she has dabbled in are Mr Davis’. She ran her ideas by Heidi to try and lock her plan, desperate to prove herself and get out of the safe zone. Jessica meanwhile was drowning in diapers, giddy for her first go at a ball. Jaymes meanwhile was hoping her one sewing class would have her shining, while Lala was drowning in PTSD, knowing she can’t do a viral fuck-up again. And while she assured us she learnt to sew, she forgot to add thread to the machine, so yup. Kandy meanwhile was just confused about what happens in a supermarket, and therefore unsure what to serve and straight up drawing stick figures and shapes for her design.

The Miss Congenialities caught up to reconfirm their alliance and while Heidi cautioned they need to keep it quiet, they got interrupted every ten seconds and ugh, dolls, this ain’t going to work. Kandy meanwhile spiced things up, pointing out Alexis is constantly horny and ready to have the dolls come over for a chicken dinner. While MKD admitted she made out with Darienne back in the day. Ru dropped by to Kiki as Jimbo told her about her weird ideas, leaving Ru in hysterics, despite Jimbo deciding to serve high fashion instead. Darienne’s plan was to serve colour, Alexis was hoping to survive the ball this time – or at least not go blind – with a hyper fashion look while Jessica was just ready to surprise Ru. With diapers. Kahanna was going with some yellow, assuring Ru that from here on out, she will be voting based on revenge – watch out MKD. Heidi’s plan was tequila sunrise, before sobbing as she opened up to Ru about losing her grandmother and how she didn’t get to say goodbye due to COVID. 

Elimination Day arrived with Kandy putting on a brave face despite her nerves, given her look is a bit of a mess. She was hopeful she could be safe however, given Darienne’s look is just a little bit messier. As Lala and Jaymes beat their mugs, Jimbo asked if Lala planned to serve something iconic again and while Kandy admitted she didn’t even notice how bad the bag look was before they took the runway, Lala obviously called shady boots. MKD showed off an image of her husband, with Alexis admitting she was desperate for a relationship while Darienne scoffed, talking about her passion for being single. With everyone talking about how important it is to be ok on your own, before Alexis encouraged them all to love themselves because Alexis. Heidi brought it back to the competition, talking about how there is usually a unanimous vote early on, with everyone dancing around the fact they came to play this season and it is very unlikely there will be one. Essentially.

Ru, Michelle and TS were joined by Lemon, sorry, Jojo Siwa as Jimbo opened the Legen-dairy Queen runway with a mod inspired milk bubble look. Kahanna had her udders out as a slutty cow, Jaymes was iconic serving milk and cookies with hands all over her body before Kandy served glam spilt milk. Alexis ate grass as she stomped the runway as a biker cow, Lala gave bondage cow, Darienne was fold after fold of satin, Jessica was the most glamorous bowl of cereal, MKD gave sour cream – my fave – while Heidi rocked sexy milk man and ugh, she looked good.

When it came to Fruity Patootie, Jumbo served queer icon Warhol, Kahanna served full banana – split me – Jaymes gave us a lemon showgirl number, Kandy popped our cherry as another showgirl, Alexis was stunning as a blueberry, Lala gave slutty caramel apple, Darienne gave messy gown before revealing her banana split bodysuit.Jessica went on a picnic of açai to day drink, MKD served banana Mame before Heidi stole the show as a gloriously plump strawberry.

In their Supermarket Supermodel Eleganza looks, Jumbo stunned in a full lettuce and artichoke gown, Kahanna was a Swedish superhero, Jaymes was stunning in a sexy housewife number, Kandy shimmered in silver – aka foil fire blankets – Alexis gave shimmer and fringe and it was alright before Lala gave Grace Jones realness in cream, getting redemption but probs not the win. Darienne was an absolute mess in strips of colour with crinkled foil trailing behind her. Jessica Wild was perfection as a pink garden nymph while MKD was worse than Darienne selling cake. And so much, too much, colour. While Heidi was a mess, but was lucky to walk after MKD.

Kahanna, Jaymes, Alexis and Heidi were sent to safety before Jimbo received universal praise for each and every look, despite the made look being lettuce glued on a bodysuit. Kandy was read for giving the same silhouette, though they lived for her confidence and the fact her made look mixed things up. Lala meanwhile received all the praise, with the judges in particular proud of her design look. Darienne on the other hand was read for messing up all the details, aside from a solid middle look. Jessica rightly received all the praise for everything she served before MKD was read for only serving sour, not sour cream and while her middle look was perfect, they all agreed her design look was an absolute mess. Completely. Ultimately it was Jessica that took out victory before Jimbo, Kandy and Lala were deemed safe, tragically leaving Darienne and MKD up for elimination.

Backstage Kahanna praised everyone for surviving the ball with them agreeing Jimbo and Kandy would be in the top, while Kahanna didn’t buy Jessica would be in there with them. They all agreed MKD would be in the bottom, though couldn’t agree whether Darienne was a mess. Alexis praised Heidi for her Legen-dairy look, which triggered Heidi, who felt she deserved to be in the top. And with the lack of sleep and stress, she had had it. Officially. Alexis then felt tipsy before borrowing Kandy’s first neckpiece to do a little impersonation. She then realised she had to go back out to the stage though, so her sisters over blushed their cheeks like Kandy to go back out in solidarity. 

As the tops and bottoms joined them, they were confused by their Kandy inspired makeup while the safe girls were gagged by Jessica taking out the win. Jimbo checked in with Heidi to see if she was feeling ok, with the soft and supple queen barely containing her disappointment and ugh, I hate it. They opened up that MKD and Darienne are up for elimination, before Jessica pulled Darienne aside with Ms Lake pointing out her looks weren’t reviled like MKD’s final look and as such, she shouldn’t go. And if she stays, she will have her back. Alliance style. Heidi meanwhile was sassily reading Jimbo’s dairy look. MKD was next to talk to Jessica, admitting while she bombed on the third look, she feels like she deserves to stay – I agree – though assured Jessica she has a loving family waiting for her back at home and as such, she is happy either way. Which disappointed Jessica, given she wanted to see her fight.

Back with the dolls Kandy joked about whether anyone felt they should have been in the top, with Heidi not having her jokes, telling her the dolls will be gagged tonight as she will be quitting. While Kandy tried to assure her she is amazing and will get her time to shine, she was well and truly ready to walk as she felt she has shown enough. Jojo then dropped by backstage and while she was at an 11, I think that was just her, as she thanked the dolls for showing people their talent and for helping make it easier for queer kids. With Kandy in turn thanking her for coming out so visibly and making other kids feel ok to be queer.

With that the dolls voted before Jessica took her place on the stage before Canada vs. the World winner Ra’Jah was announced as the assassin. As soon as Kim Petras Coconuts kicked off, Jessica revealed her epic bouncing kitties under her coat, which obviously had Ru and Michelle in hysterics. While Ra’Jah was just straight up living her best life, turning a show, because that is what does. But Ru loves a bouncing titty, so you know Jessica took out victory and the epic $30K tip. Which broke our little accountant Kandy’s heart to learn she’s back down to only a $10K kitty. Darienne and MKD took their places on stage before Jessica pulled her lipstick out of her wrist, surprisingly not the titty, eliminating MKD from the competition and ugh, I hate it here.

As Mrs. Kasha Davis arrived in the Werk Room, I pulled her in for a massive hug, selfishly, to be held as I sobbed and sobbed over my loss. Well hers, but mine and ours. Through tears, I told her how sad it was to see her go so soon, particularly since I’ve been waiting years and years for what should have been a triumphant return. Given MKD is wise, however, she assured me that she knows how talented she is and as such, is ok going home. And well, I guess that should be ok with me, given she is and forever will be a camp, sweet icon who is more than worthy of a delicious Chocolate, Hazelnut & Mrspresso Eskashagot Davis or six.

I first encountered this little delight at Agnes Bakery, and knew I would have to try a copycat at home. And while, yes, they are a little more flaky than my hand rolled number, they are still delicious. Like a nutella mocha, this melts in your mouth and keeps you coming back for more.

Enjoy!

Chocolate, Hazelnut & Mrspresso Eskashagot Davis
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
1 batch David Croissant dough
1 cup dark chocolate, finely chopped
1 cup hazelnuts, half blitzed and the other half roughly chopped
¼ cup espresso
¼ cup muscovado sugar
1 tsp cinnamon

Method
Prepare David’s recipe all the way through the lamination and final resting process. When that is almost complete, combine the dark chocolate, blitzed hazelnuts, coffee, muscovado sugar and cinnamon in a bowl.

Preheat the oven to 220C.

Roll the dough out until about half centimetre thick – or thicker, given it is tough and I am lazy – smear the chocolatey paste over the top to coat before rolling up from the short end to form a sausage. Cut into 2cm thick discs and pop on a lined baking sheet, before pressing some of the chopped hazelnuts into the top.

Open your oven and with a wet hand, sprinkle in a little water. Transfer the escargot to the oven, spritz with a little more water and close, immediately dropping the temperature to 180C. Bake for 15-20 minutes, or until golden and crisp, spinning the tray halfway through cooking.

Remove and allow to cool for about 15 minutes before devouring, gleefully.


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Mushroom The Tacarenas

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Main, Street Food, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Drag Race España the dolls were inspired by All Stars 2 as they were tasked with acting in horror sequels – Thelma and Weezy for lyf! Despite not getting all the references, it was an altogether solid challenge, with Pakita, Pitita and Bestiah continuing their streak as the front runners with the stand out scene, ultimately landing Pitita her second win in as many episodes. At the other end of the pack, Kelly was read for a totally bland outfit and for blending in during the challenge, rather than over acting. While Clover was read, for reasons. When it came to the lip sync, the duo were once again solid, but Clover’s energy proved the key as zaddy Kelly rolled on home.

Backstage the dolls were very sombre to have lost sweet Kelly, particularly Clover who felt guilty. Well, until she read Kelly’s farewell message, which was super long just to make her work hard to clean it off. Everyone sat down to share their love for Kelly, with Hornella particularly struggling, given she wished she had been able to help her more in the challenge. Clover opened up about feeling like she has to represent all women in the competition – no terf-ing here, JK Rowling – and was glad to dedicate her lip sync to the trans community. Whether she got the flag right or not. While everyone congratulated Pitita for slaying, Pakita was even more fired up to beat her in the next challenge, given she had been pipped at the post. Twice.

The next day the dolls were ready to slay, whether The Macarena can vogue or not. Vania meanwhile appeared to be crumbling under the pressure as she was starting to get sick, in addition to her insecurities playing on her mind. Thankfully though her sisters rallied around and gave her all the love. Supremme interrupted the lovefest to drop by and put them through their paces in a little reading mini challenge. So yeah, not so little. Despite losing a fair chunk in translation – not many jokes about finding the library or ordering at a restaurant – The Macarena was brutal with jokes that sometimes landed while Bestiah’s brutality never missed. Pink was camp and verbose, Pakita had jokes, Hornella was living her best life reading everyone for filth, Pitita was read as she tried to read, Clover was all energy, Visa was fun and Vania rallied, giving sweet and smut in equal measure. 

Despite getting through the challenge, Vaina started to break down, overwhelmed by the competition and feeling trapped. Though Supremme and her sisters assured her they are here to support her and as such, she was good to power on in the competition.

But back to the mini challenge, Pakita took out victory before Supremme gagged them with the news that for this week’s Maxi Challenge they would be playing the Snatch Game. Which we immediately pivoted to as Supremme introduced Karina and Pupi Poisson’s version of Karina as guests. We then learnt that The Macarena was playing Paca La Piraña, Bestiah went with Herb, Hornella was playing Juan Carlos I, Vania played Bárbara Rey, Pink went with Lola Flores, Pakita gave slutty Peppa Pig, Clover gave feisty Maite Galdeano, Pitita transformed as Sara Montiel while Visa SERVED as Paulina Rubio. And given I don’t get any of the references, all I had to go off was the iconic way Pink Chadora served character and had the dolls in stitches, and is far and away the winner of the challenge. At the other end of the pack, The Macarena felt super flat while Bestiah gave dippy but lacked the jokes and Pakita went off the rails, despite a killer concept.

Dia de eliminacion arrived with Bestiah feeling like she is marching to her doom post snatch game, while at the other end of the pack, Pink was feeling super confident. And while it was rightly placed, it did piss off Hornella. Pitta was roped in on the drama and while she didn’t want to start, you best believe she calmly finished it pointing out she can string together sentences. Pink continued, however, getting annoyed that Pitta told Hornella that she took up all the oxygen on set and while she thought she was calling her out, Pitta calmly reiterated that both Pink and The Macarena talk a lot and didn’t really leave space for anyone else to perform. Which led to Pink explaining she just wanted to volley – alright Ru – leading to them kissing and making up. Well, for now. Vania meanwhile assured the girls she was feeling much better today, explaining to us that she just needs dick. Which, preach.

As they beat their mugs Visa opened up to Bestiah and Hornella about the liberation that came with her runway last week. In turn, Hornella shared that her look was to challenge the stigma associated with being HIV positive, and as someone that is positive, it really meant a lot to her that she was able to share.  And while every franchise does these powerful, emotional chats pre-runway, España really is the one that does them best, TBH.

Supremme, Ana y Los Javis were joined on the panel by La Terre and while I have no idea who she is – as is often the case – I know, deep within my bones, that she is an icon. On the Show Your Feathers runway, Clover was a stunning, sexy black swan, Pink Chadora served cock a doodle do me, as she laid a golden egg, The Macarena gave showgirl peacock before Pakita stomped looking like a glamour-goth burlesque bird. Pitita stole the show as a single baby blue feather made solely of feathers, Bestiah was a club kid warrior, Hornella was a demonic bird doing fashion week, Vania meanwhile stole the show off Pitita with a glamorous showgirl that runs the strip look, while Visa was camp as hell serving Dia de Los Muertos complete with an iconic, oversized hat.

Pakita, Vania, The Macarena, Pink Chadora, Visa, Bestiah and Hornella were deemed the tops and bottoms of the week. After Clover and Pitita were sent backstage, Pink received universal praise for Snatch Game and for doing glam and camp on the runway. The Macarena meanwhile was read for being forgettable in Snatch Game despite her look being solid. Pakita was read for her slutty Peppa Pig, though praised for giving character on the runway. Bestiah was read for being confusing during Snatch Game, though praised for a stunning runway. Hornella was praised for nailing Snatch Game and leaving room for the other girls to shine, while Vania too was beloved, given she and Hornella bounced off each other so well. Oh and her runway was rightly deemed the best of the night, in my head at least. While Visa was praised for her wit and charm on Snatch Game and for giving such a commanding, polished runway.

Backstage Clover and Pitita were just grateful to survive the week, before they turned their attention to the girls, assuming Hornella or Visa had the win in the bag. While Pitita was unsure what they would think of Pakita or Pink, given they were funny but the Peppa Pig was a mess and Pink refused to answer questions. The tops and bottoms joined them with Hornella and Vania thrilled to be in the top, as was Visa while Bestiah wasn’t shocked to be in the bottom. The Macarena meanwhile was ready to lip sync, feeling calm and focused, as was Pakita, despite feeling like she didn’t do bad, was just disassociated with herself and the game.

Ultimately it was Pink Chadora that took out a second win – much to the shock and horror of Pitita – as she vowed to split her prize with Hornella. Speaking of Hornella, she was then sent to safety with Visa and Vania before Bestiah narrowly joined them, leaving The Macarena to face off against Pakita, just as they predicted. As soon as the absolute banger, Desátame by Mónica Naranjo, kicked off, it was clear that both dolls were not going down without a fight. While The Macarena leant into camp and old lady dancing, Pakita focused on all the emotion of the song, revealing nips and stomping the house down (boots), which obviously saved her as The Macarena was eliminated once again.

As she ventured backstage, she ran directly into my arms, so grateful to once again have a friend there to support her post-elimination. This time, she was far less disappointed with how things turned out, getting the opportunity to show a little more of herself and prove to the world – like Jaymes in All Stars 8, kinda – that all it takes is the wrong challenge, at the wrong time is all takes to take you from a likely fifth placement, to last place. And after that pep talk, all it took was a big batch of Mushroom The Tacarenas to have her primed for the much-teased return challenge.

This spicy, rich, meaty – ironically – dish is the perfect treat for meat free Monday. Or any day, TBH. Hot and spicy, with the earthiness of mushroom and the zing of slaw, these tacos will quickly find their way onto your regular rotation.

Enjoy!

Mushroom The Tacarenas
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
600g mushroom meat
5 garlic cloves
¼ cup chipotle in adobo sauce, roughly chopped
¼ cup coriander, leaves and stems separated and roughly chopped 
2 tbsp olive oil
400g tin tomatoes
2 tbsp tomato paste
2 cups vegetable stock
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
500g red cabbage, shredded
2 carrots, peeled into ribbons
1 tbsp champagne vinegar
1 tsp raw caster sugar
8 flour tortillas

Method
Combine the mushroom meat, garlic, chipotle, coriander stems and two tablespoons of the olive oil in a bowl and massage with your hands to break up into a pulled pork-esque consistency. Heat a lug of olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat and fry for a few minutes, or until browned and sticky. Stir in the tomatoes, paste and stock, and bring to the boil. Once rollicking, reduce heat to low and simmer for 15 minutes or so, or until the mushroom is soft and sauce deep and thick. Remove from heat and season.

While the mushroom is simmering,  combine the cabbage, carrot and coriander leaves in a bowl. Whisk together the vinegar, sugar and a teaspoon of salt and toss through the slaw.

To serve, heat the tortillas – in a pan, microwave or oven, I don’t mind – and top with some slaw and the mushroom meat. They devour, joyously.


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Chorizo and Nayshacken Alfredopez Pizza

Pizza, Poultry, RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars Ru kicked off the season, ominously announcing that there is a new twist. However, left the girls hanging for the rest of the episode. Not wanting to wait around to find out, Jimbo and Kandy quickly formed an alliance, looping in Heidi as they were all tour buddies. After a double-runway mini challenge, the dolls formed girl groups for their mainstage debut. While Jaymes didn’t nail the choreo, she proved herself a star, though it was Kahanna who proved to have the biggest glow up, snatching the first victory. On the flipside, Darienne couldn’t sell her lack of choreo while Monica got stuck in her nerves, leading to them landing in the bottom. Kahanna was gagged to learn that Aja was her lip sync assassin, who promptly slayed the game leaving the girls to send home poor Monica.

Though we learnt her departure also made her the first doll eligible to win the online Fame Games, where the eliminated queens compete for $50K for having the best unused look of the season.

Backstage the dolls were broken hearted as they read sweet Monica’s farewell message, though TBH, Kahanna could barely contain her joy at being seen by not just the judges but her sisters. She then pulled the lip stick out of her titty to share that she also would have sent Monica home. Jimbo then suggested Darienne should count the other girls’ lip sticks, discovering three people joined Monica to vote for Darienne. Kandy immediately copped to it, saying that Monica’s story broke her heart and as such, she was compelled to save her. Quickly leading to Lala and Jaymes using that same excuse. Alexis produced the girls to talk about the Fame Games, with Kandy just glad all the eliminated girls get to show off their looks after working so hard. While Mrs. Kasha Davis was just glad to have a back-up $50K, though Jaymes assured us she only cares about the main prize.

The next day the dolls were thrilled to be back for another week within Mama Ru’s womb, which is the Werk Room, if MKD is to be believed. Speaking of Ru, she dropped by to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would be starring in the new sketch show RDR Live. Which yes, will be performed live on the mainstage. After Mama disappeared, the dolls sat down to read through the script and fight for their rolls. Alexis and Darienne fell into playing Jersey Girl Michelle fan-girls, Jessica and Jimbo calmly snatched the gardening hookers, before Naysha, Heidi and Lala fought over the two news anchor roles, with Naysha eventually calmly taking the leftover role. And while she told the girls she could shine in any role, she was also pissed.

Everyone split up to read through their scenes with Jaymes obviously starring – we saw The Bitch who Stole Christmas, after all – while Naysha was on the struggle bus. Thankfully Jaymes was a good sister, telling her to speed up the dialogue to keep the jokes flowing. Jessica and Jimbo were living their slutty best lives, while Darienne and Alexis were just eerily Jersey and perfect. Ru returned with the iconic Bobby Moynihan with Jessica and Jimbo essentially told they were hilarious perfection, whether they had been out of the Werk Room for 13 years or just one. Kahanna, Heidi and Lala were up next, with Kahanna triggered since she was first eliminated in an episode Bobby judged, while Heidi whistled her way through the kiki, so you know that is all it will take to delight Ru.

Elimination Day arrived with Jaymes opening up about how she used to dream of being on SNL, while Lala was just hoping for some acting challenge rudemption after bombing all of them on her OG season. Jimbo checked in on Naysha to see how she felt about taking the back-up role, with Kandy covertly turning talk to how they will vote. Once again she admitted to feeling bad for Monica, though kind of regrets her vote given she was definitely the worst in the challenge, while Naysha admitted she needs to feel excited about seeing you again if she wants to keep you around. Naysha then identified Heidi, Alexis and Jimbo as her biggest threats. While Kandy, on the other hand, said it is a shame Jimbo has to go home this week, though, as Jimbo giggled. Lala meanwhile pulled Heidi aside to float the idea of forming an alliance and well, you know she was soft, supple and keen.

Ru, Michelle and Carson were joined by superstar Robin Thede as Jaymes, Naysha, Heidi and Lala kicked off the show and well, it is clear Jaymes is a star as she dominated everyone. Kandy was cute as the host while MKD owned every damn moment, but it was Jimbo and Jessica who got the most laughs. Specifically Jimbo who just plays horny bimbo so damn well. The news section was a bit of a bust – particularly Kahanna’s cat – though Heidi’s personality carried them through. While Darienne and Alexis were horrifically perfect from start to finish. As was Lala fake playing the saxophone, but only that.

On the Net Gala runway Naysha was stunning in a shimmering, black, punk netted gown, Jaymes was a bright, glam 60s delight with her hair, catch-ed in a net. Kandy served avant garde in tulle, MKD gave butterfly lady in a children’s fantasy movie, Jimbo went inter-net, as a robot influencer and ugh, it was GOOD. Jessica Wild was stun-ning as the apparatus that MKD was keeping her caught butterflies, Heidi gave rocker realness, Lala served only sex, Kahanna gave aquatic queen, in aqua, Darienne gave the sexiest basketball and Alexis was the belle of the ball in black and nude.

Kandy, MKD, Jessica, Lala, Darienne and Alexis were sent to safety before Naysha was praised for giving another stunning look, despite it being understated. While Michelle felt her timing was off in the challenge. Jaymes on the other hand was beloved for all that she did this week, then Jimbo got the same thing but just a little better. Heidi too was beloved for carrying the news section and giving such a bold fashion moment and growing from her first season, while poor Kahanna’s runway was beloved though she was read for being bland in the sketch. Ultimately it was Jimbo that took out her first win of the season while Naysha and Kahanna landed in the bottom two and were up for elimination. Which, duh, since they were the only ones with negative critiques.

Backstage the safe girls were thrilled to relax, while MKD opened up about how much fun she had in the challenge. Alexis and Kandy praised her for being such a star and radiating joy before Kandy praised our Jersey Girls for being ridiculous and fun. Talk turned to who they think will take the win with them unable to pick between Heidi and Jimbo, while they all agreed Naysha is in the bottom with Kahanna. Lala asked the dolls if they have ever considered getting bodywork done rather than padding, before Jessica changed the subject, admitting to having a little crush on Alexis. And gurl, you can do better. The tops and bottoms joined the fun, with Jimbo giddy to have taken out a win before the dolls focused on our poor bottoms. Kahanna was feeling triggered given she was eliminated in the second episode on her OG season, specifically in an acting challenge. 

As she went to sob, Naysha broke down with the girls before Jimbo pulled her aside to plead her case. She assured our Canadian icon that she is not done with the competition and she knows she has more to show. While Heidi got her potato titties out. Naysha rejoined the girls where she reiterated she has so much more to show and that she needs to stay in the competition. Kahanna meanwhile told Jimbo she knows she didn’t do a good job in the challenge, though she also knows it isn’t her time. Particularly with a win under her belt. Which she doubled down on with the girls, before sweet Heidi led the dolls in a toast

With that everyone voted, Jimbo burping through her confessional, before she took her place on the mainstage as Ru gagged and scalped her to reveal this week’s assassin is her UK vs the World sister, Pangina. And do you even need me to wait to confirm what we all know, Pangina won. Though let’s just say Jimbo still turned a show, in her own way, to Cyndi Lauper’s She Bop. Since the song is horny and so is she. But did I mention Pangina? She gave comedy, she gave tricks, she gave emotion and didn’t even appear to break a sweat as Ru crowned her the winner before she sent Naysha packing into the Fame Games.

As she arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug – those sweet zaddy shoulders – assuring her that while she only managed to survive two episodes, she still managed to show her growth in that time. And that she more than deserved her Miss Continental crown. Her make-up is flawless, her looks are always perfection and girl can turn a show, it is just, tragically, she got a bad run of challenges for her skill set. Which seemed to be all it took to cheer her up – I mean, it is only episode two but we have a front runner for the Fame Games, no? – though I’d argue my Chorizo and Nayshacken Alfredopez Pizza contributed too. (After apologising for cursing her).


The spicy chorizo and the creamy-cheesiness of the alfredo just go perfectly together, so by the time you pop them on a crunchy little pizza with some sweet chicken, well, you’re in heaven.

Enjoy!


Chorizo and Nayshacken Alfredopez Pizza
Serves: 2-4.

Ingredients
1 base as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
200g roast chicken breast, shredded
2 tbsp unsalted butter 
½ cup chicken stock 
½ cup thickened cream 
1 ⅓ cups parmesan, grated
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
1 cup mozzarella, grated
1 chorizo, cut into coins
Michelle Branch Dressing and chopped parsley, to serve

Method
Prep the base as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions and preheat the oven to 200°C. 

Pop the butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat and cook, stirring, until melted. Whisk in the stock and cream and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 5 minutes, or until it has started to thicken. Remove from the heat and whisk in the parmesan and half the mozzarella, before seasoning to taste.

Roll out the dough and spread with some of the alfredo sauce, followed by the chorizo, chicken, mozzarella and a little more alfredo. Transfer to the oven to bake for 20 minutes or so, or until golden and bubbling.

Remove from the oven and drizzle with the ranch and sprinkle with some parsley. Then serve and devour triumphantly, knowing you’ll always be a Miss Continental. Even if, like me, it is because of your passion for cuppa soup.


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BBQ Monicken Burgerly Hillz

Burgers, Main, Poultry, RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars, Ru gave the people what they wanted, bringing back eight legendary legends to compete for the chance to be the one queen to rule them all. Or ring to rule them all. Or was it for all of them to rule the ring? You know what, it doesn’t matter. Week after week, the winner’s slay and surprised, racking up points to land in two pools with Raja and Yvie battling out for the lesser crown, with Mother taking out the title of Queen of She Done Already Done Had Herses. When it came to the main title, Shea and Trinity had to settle for third/fourth again like Season 9, while Jinkx defeated Monet and became the first – hopefully of many – Queen of All Queens.

But things are back to normal – well, after Ru gave us her best spoken word about fame, or something – as soft and supple Heidi N Closet made her triumphant return to the Werk Room and ugh, I love her so much and damn does she look good. Whether Nicki Minaj likes her make-up or not. She was joined by Mrs Kasha Davis fresh from AA – legitimately – and ugh, I have missed her so much because she is a gorgeous old dame and ugh, just perfection. Speaking of perfection, Naysha Lopez came back beat and blessed, ready for her third elimination, though this time, not until she has proven herself. Another doll with something to prove is Kahanna Montrese – Coco’s girl – and ugh, she has glowed up and is ready to do mama proud. Because she has done the work and is primed to slay. Oh and then Kandy Muse returned and ugh, she is so much fun and I live.

Or die, bitch.

Darienne Lake finally arrived at All Stars and even if I didn’t live for her in Season 6, she is a legend and the fact it has taken until the eighth All Stars to see her back is horrible. Speaking of long overdue returns Monica Beverly Hillz arrived ready to redeem herself from her lack of confidence in Season 5 and yes, Monica, slay that troop outfit. Jaymes Mansfield was up next looking stunning and ugh, please no cheerleading challenges because she is the Jennifer Coolidge of Drag Race and needs to last to the end. THE producer Alexis Michelle was up next, and she is ready to show off all her skills. Because you know she has a lot of them, ok? Like Darienne, Jessica Wild has finally come to All Stars and hot damn, she looked stunning and I am so excited to see what she can do after 13 years.

Then Jimbo cruised on in looking like $20 bucks and ugh, crown her. She is stupid, camp and it looks like she is ready for her win. Speaking of back for a win, Lala Ri is back looking perfect though to be fair, anything is better than her bag look. Literally anything. But I love her, trust and believe. Once they were all sure it was just them, Naysha pointed out that each season has a little twist and as such wanted to figure it out ASAP, with Jessica suggesting it was just her finally getting cast.

Ru arrived to welcome back her daughters – or in the words of Teresa Giudice, dor-tors – before shutting down Naysha’s theory, announcing rules are defaulting back to the usual All Stars ones. Aka the winner takes on an assassin with the winner sending a sister home if she wins, otherwise the group votes to boot a bottom. Even though, duh, we’re all bottoms. Oh and the $200k prize is here to stay. But there is also a second way to win this year, Raja style, though Ru won’t give them the deets until later. Scaring Jimbo, since she can’t even win one way!

They kicked things off with a little dual-runway Mini Challenge, the first being Famous Then where Alexis slayed as slutty Mame in shimmering white. Kahanna was a stunning showgirl in black velvet, Heidi was opulent and camp, ready for the hat parade, while Mrs. Kasha Davis was stunning as Zigfield Follies Extra #2. Nayasha served Coco Chanel realness, Kandy took it more modern with a Supermodel RuPaul look before Darienne went all the way back to medieval in a purple gown. Monica slayed as glam Cleopatra, Jaymes was stunning in a slutty Mexican showgirl number, Jessica Wild was perfection as Nefertiti while Jimbo gave the most perfectly demented Marilyn. Oh and Lala was a glittering hour glass and looked stun. Ning.

On the Famous Now runway Alexis gave full Kim K realness, Kahanna looked like hot Barbie Lil Nas X, Heidi gave kabuki bow, MKD was a perfect Kris Jenner disco ball, Naysha was full Versace glam – Ver, Sayce – Kandy was stunning in pink fur while Darienne Lake was a hilariously old Billie Eilish, Monica gave Kim Petras perfection, Jaymes gave Jojo Siwa does Judy Jetson, Jessica was stunning in a red latex Bad Bunny inspired look, Jimbo served a perfect ode to the horror of social media before Lala Ri gave nude illusion for her Ru-ly Fans.

The dolls returned to the Werk Room where they started to untuck before Alexis admitted to having a crush on Lala. Kandy meanwhile was kikiing with the dolls about who they were shocked to see, with Kahanna and Naysha admitting Jimbo crossing to the US was the biggest gag to them. Speaking of Jimbo, she was busy charming her new sisters though, with everyone delighted by the fact that she loves to compete. While Jessica joked about how much things have changed since Season 2, given they aren’t rocking Forever 21 (hey, as long as it isn’t any more fucking H&M). Lala Ri meanwhile joked about not needing to be nice given you can’t win Miss Congeniality. Oh and then we learnt that for some reason, Heidi was wearing a denim codpiece while Darienne and Jaymes just speculated about the twist in the corner.

Ru came back to kiki with the dolls announcing that for their opening Maxi Challenge the dolls would form rival girl groups and perform rumixes of Fenton and Randy’s Money Success Fame & Glamour. Naysha, Darienne, Kahanna, Kandy, Alexis and Heidi got the glam rock version while MKD, Jaymes, Lala, Jimbo, Monica and Jessica were given the disco remix. Oh and in addition to writing their own verses, they’d also have to choreograph their routine before performing live on the mainstage. After quickly working through their songs, the dolls all went to the mainstage to work on the choreography with Heidi taking the lead for Team Glam Rock. And like Jaymes and Jimbo, I don’t know how Fosse makes sense but I love Heidi, so I’ll let it slide. Plus, Kandy was willing to call out her lack of star quality in choreography, so I don’t need to read her. And well, let’s just say, she was pressed, not blessed. Team Disco meanwhile were living their best lives as Lala and Jessica took the lead giving on brand choreography. The problem being Jessica was slaying while the rest of the dolls were lost. Like, not even on the map.

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls immediately splitting up to beat their mugs with Darienne ready to motorboat Jimbo, as Lala and Jaymes were kikied about the latter planning to bring down by winging it, should she forget the choreography. Naysha meanwhile was busy lifting up Monica who was super nervous and just couldn’t get out of her head. Oh and then Kandy and Jimbo – and Heidi – formed a little alliance to navigate the rumoceracy and ugh, I live for them finally playing it like Survivor superfan, Monet. Talk turned back to the twist before Alexis assured the dolls she would be playing fair, whatever it is. Jimbo agreed, cautioning everyone to not play too hard, given it came back to bite her on UK VS the World while Kandy reminded them things are always going to be messy so suggested they just relax and do what needs to be done.

Ru, Michelle and the hilarious Ross Mathews were joined by the indelible Adele Dazeem. Fame Tarts were up first with the Glam Rock version and well, they were good, hitting every beat, cohesive and so damn fun. None more so than Kahanna who showed she is fully baked and ready to star. The Glitter Chicks meanwhile served full disco and I live. Jaymes was demented, Jessica was sexy, Jimbo was hilarious, Lala gave Bey, MKD was camp perfection and well, poor Monica was lost but looked soooooo good, which is all that matters.

On the Famous Forever – aka signature Drag – runway, Alexis was stunning serving Jessica Rabbit realness. Darienne was a shimmering leopard print glamazon, Heidi was full Chris Tucker zebra pimp, Kahanna was STUNNING as a literal phoenix, Kandy gave metallic red glam, Naysha served icy glam bodysuit, Jaymes gave old Hollywood perfection, Jessica looked like a rocker ringmaster in all the right ways, Jimbo was a neon brain delight, Lala Ri gave showgirl gone to a wedding, Monica looked beautiful in a purple fringed bodysuit while MKD gave glam purple housewife.

Ultimately Heidi, Kandy, Naysha, Jessica, Jimbo and MKD were sent to safety before Alexis received universal praise for all of her looks and for taking big risks. Oh and they loved that in the performance, she served star. Darienne meanwhile was read for being too pedestrian on the first two runways, though they loved her energy in the performance. Choreography be damned! Kahanna meanwhile received wall to wall praise for each and every thing she served this week. As did Jaymes, particularly for her serving demented layers and giving such different concepts. Oh and they didn’t care that she couldn’t dance. Lala meanwhile was praised for her star power in the performance and for giving 2 out of 3 perfect looks. While Monica’s first runway was beloved, though she was read for being completely overcome by her nerves. She then started to sob as Ross encouraged her to own her power which was both sweet – thanks Ross – and heartbreaking. Ultimately Kahanna took out the first win of the season before Alexis, Jaymes and Lala were deemed safe, leaving Darienne and Monica up for elimination. And well, I hate it here.

Backstage the safe girls were exhausted but thrilled to have made it through the first week, sharing that they love Untucked more than anything. With Heidi admitting it was just because she wanted to see a fight, which made everyone immediately look at Kandy. For obvious reasons. Heidi meanwhile turned conversation back to the twist speculating the eliminated girls could vote someone back in, that fans will vote for a winner or my fave, that they are the tops and all the other girls are up for elimination. Speaking of the actual tops and bottoms, they returned with everyone praising a jubilant Kahanna on her win. Though she was nervous about her vote having to dictate the tone of the season.

Both Darienne and Monica opened up about being heartbroken to have landed in the bottom, Monica in particular as she sobbed in her friend Naysha’s arms. Kahanna pulled her aside to kiki, assuring her she thinks she is a star and that she was so excited to see her in the competition. While poor Monica was just so down on herself and it was hard to watch. Darienne meanwhile was telling the dolls her fashion choices cost her, reminding them how badly she wants to be here. The bottoms switched places with Monica telling her sisters she deserves to be here and has worked her arse off to shine. As Jessica and Alexis tried to lift her up, before Alexis sobbed about feeling bad for the girls. And because she wasn’t sure how she’d be received. Like, sobbing. And god her sisters were confused. Like, you thought Milk crying over being safe was bad? This is sobbing for being in the top. 

Darienne meanwhile held it WAY more together, assuring Kahanna she is a star and is fired up to be here. Naysha and Kandy meanwhile were busy whispering, with Naysha not wanting to vote out her childhood friend Monica, nor her teammate Darienne. Before Alexis could start sobbing again, Idina Menzel dropped backstage to kiki with the dolls with Alexis thanking her for being such a star. Idina then told the dolls to channel someone they admire on their off days, before regalling them with tales and ugh, she is so cute and sweet and I love her.

With that the dolls voted before Kahanna took her place on the mainstage before Ru pulled up the curtains to reveal our first lip sync assassin of the season, the iconic Aja LaBeija. Kandy’s mama, ok? And as soon as Beyonce’s Freakum Dress kicked off, Aja owned the show. She was flicking wigs, camp and hitting every lyric. She was flipping and splitting and well, I THOUGHT SHE WAS GOING TO JUMP FROM THERE as she vogued the house down. Kahanna was also a star and showed she is not to be counted out, but Aja is Aja and seeing her perform on the mainstage was perfection and I need her back ASAP. After Aja took out the win – that $10k rolling over to next week – Kahanna took her place at the back of the stage before Ru finally announced that other way to win, with us fans getting the chance to vote on the unused runways of the eliminated queens for a cash prize of $50K.

Oh and that first eliminated queen, tragically, was Monica who wasn’t exactly shocked, but watching her put on a brave face felt tragic. I pulled her in for a hug as soon as she returned to the Werk Room, telling her to get whatever negative thoughts she may have out of her mind and remember that she is not only beloved by the fandom, but super talented and has been thriving as her true self for such a long time. And we were lucky enough to see that in her return. I then reiterated that first boots are always beloved and that she has nothing more to prove, so to simply be proud of her success and smash a big, juicy BBQ Monicken Burgerly Hillz.


While this is quite a kick, simple and, gulp, healthy burger, there is something infinite satisfying. No oil to contend with while being all at once fresh and tangy, it is the ultimate choice when you need a quick little burger pick-me-up.

Enjoy!


BBQ Monicken Burgerly Hillz
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 chicken breast, halved horizontally
1 tsp smoked paprika
½ tsp chilli powder
½ tsp cumin
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
2 Briocher Bünsberg
3 tbsp Chicktina Big McDonald Sauce
2 slices American cheese
1 tomato, sliced
1 cup Slawren Rimmer
chips, fries, wedges or whatever your side of choice may be, to serve 

Method
Pop the chicken in a bowl with two teaspoons of oil, the paprika, chilli powder, cumin and a good whack of salt and pepper, and toss until well combined. Heat a lug of oil in a skillet over medium heat, add the chicken and cook for a few minutes before flipping and cooking for another 3-5 minutes, or until cooked through. Remove from heat and leave to rest.

To assemble, toast the inside of the rolls and smear with some of the sauce. Pop a slice of cheese on the base, followed by some tomato, the chicken and the slaw before closing. And then devouring, regally, with a shit tonne of your favourite sides.


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Kelly Rissoller

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España the dolls threw a little ball, and by little, you know it was a mammoth undertaking which nearly broke all of our sweet icons. Dedicated to los Colores, Sabores and Regiones of Spain. The latter being one that needed to be prepared in the Werk Room, where the dolls would do a modern take on their traditional dress. Poor Chanel lacked cohesion, Kelly lacked polish and Clover was apparently sloppy – Liza Minelli, lies – while Pakita and Pitita slayed each and every category, with the latter ultimately scoring her first win of the season. Thankfully the judges came to their senses when it counted, saving Clover and leaving Kelly and Chanel to lip sync for their safety. With our skating queen slaying her fellow zaddy Chanel, who sashayed away to await a chance to return.

Backstage the dolls toasted Chanel’s run, while Kelly was obviously thrilled to have done enough to save herself and more focused on that. The Macarena was obviously thrilled to be continuing to extend her record, before everyone praised Pitita for dominating the ball. Well, except for Pakita, who just wanted to bring her down next week, given she felt – rightly – she was just as good as Pitita in the ball.

The next day the dolls were already un poco cansado from the competition, but assured each other they were primed and ready to fight. Talk turned to fact they were expecting an acting challenge right about now, which obviously summoned Supremme quicker than you could say Candyman three times. She promptly wheeled out the zaddy Pit Crew – seriously, Espana, thank you – with all the dolls having to pop a balloon against the zaddies bodies to decide on teams for the as yet unconfirmed challenge.

Macarena rimmed her way to team blue, Bestiah but to but her way to yellow, Vania fucked her way to pink, as did Kelly before Pink went crotch to crotch for pink, which is fitting. Pitita fisted to yellow, Pakita got zaddy to bite her balloon on her way to yellow, Hornella got back to fucking – God does want that, after all – on the way to pink before Clover pegged her way to blue. And then Visa pounded over to blue too. Supremme then announced that the three groups would each star in a short horror film with Team Rosa getting El Guarranato, Drag Rec would star team yellow, and blue would perform in Las Otras.

After Supremme and the Pit Crew disappeared the groups split up to work through their scenes with Team Rosa thrilled by theirs, feeling like the parts were almost written for them. So instead they turned their attention to talking smack about their sisters. Despite feeling like Pitita would do a bad job – given she wouldn’t be able to look glam – Pitita and Co were confident in their lines and ready to stay on top. Given the trio currently have the best track records. Macarena, Clover and Visa meanwhile were just vibing, giggling at their script and calmly dividing up the roles.

Team El Guarranato were first to film with Supremme and Paco Plaza where Kelly struggled to find her character. Pink was obviously a camp delight, Vania was a giddy little pig while Hornella played mad scientist to perfection. With an out of control moustache only adding to her performance. Team Las Otras were committed and fun, despite not really performing to the correct cameras. Oh and shout out to Maria Edilla who gave a star turn in a cameo performance. Rounding out filming, Team Drag Rec were hopefully getting the fake out edit as while they got the most direction and rattlesnakes, they appeared to be the most cohesive and funny to me

Dia de eliminacion arrived with everyone ready to throw down, shading each other’s scene while pumping themselves up. Eventually they parked their feuds to go beat their mugs as Kelly told Bestiah about how people have jerked off while watching her perform. Hornella, Pakita and Clover joined the conversation, opening up about how traumatic it is to be blatantly objectified while working and how scared it makes them feel to not even be able to go about their jobs without being made to feel uncomfortable. Visa and Pitita meanwhile were bonding over their families, with Patita gagged by her life, learning that Visa’s abusive father died a month after being in an explosion at home. And how she has tried to work through the trauma of grieving someone she may not have really liked.

Because obviously España is going to give us emotion.

Supremme, Ana y los Javis were joined by Paco Plaza on the judges table as the dolls stomped the Mi Peor Yo runway with Vania serving sexy purple spider queen. Kelly Roller was a black and gold roller girl, Hornella was a locked up glamazon, complete with rose reveal worthy of Sasha Velour while Pink Chadora served messed up Virgin Mary realness. The Macarena gave redemption to her first runway, complete with a snatched wig for the drama. Clover slayed with a stunning afro look which speaks to me on a deep level, given I am a curly icon and feel the ode to styling. Visa was then literally fire as a demon doll before she set herself aflame in honour of her dad’s tragic accident. Pitita meanwhile served full gothic glamour in honour of Max – black and white forever – Bestiah was a demented delight spewing up a bloody head before Pakita closed the show with a gorgeous Barbie look before she removed her wig to serve all the drama.

When it came to the films, El Guarranato was super creepy with all the dolls and clowns in the opening. And while Kelly had herself in hysterics, she wasn’t exactly great. Pink and Vania on the other hand definitely were giving camp silliness at the right level. Though it was Hornella who ultimately ended up stealing the scene, giving passion, drama and comedy in equal measure. Drag Rec meanwhile proved my suspicions correct as the trio of Bestiah, Pitita and Pakita stayed on top, giving us everything and more and making for an actually enjoyable scene. In Drag Race. Which, yeah, is impressive. While Las Otras – the only reference I actually know, tragically – was silly and camp in all the right ways, despite it making absolutely no sense whatsoever.

After the judges praised everyone for doing well, they promptly sent Vania, Hornella, Pink and Bestiah to safety. Kelly was praised for being a delight on set and though read for playing the straight role in the scene as a bit too straight. And for giving a pedestrian look on the runway. The Macarena received wall to wall praise for her performance in the scene and for leaning into her past failures to serve a killer runway. Clover meanwhile was read for slipping in and out of character, though praised for a stunning runway. Visa was praised for the humanity she brought to the runway, despite being lost in the scene. Pitita, obviously, received universal praise for all that he did, from giving AMC’s own Nicole Kidman in the scene and giving a stunning cigar on the runway. And Pakita will make a very deserving runner-up, again, beloved but just a little less than Pitita.

Backstage the safe girls were busy celebrating, none more so than Bestiah who was sure she was going to bomb the challenge. They all agreed that any of the tops could take out the win, though were very concerned about how Kelly would avoid elimination once again. Speaking of the other dolls, volven backstage with Kelly admitting she will totally be in the bottom, but was simply hopeful it wasn’t against Clover who would clearly win. Pakita admitted the win is down to her and Pitita, who was shocked by how much they loved her. Being a humble queen, she praised The Macarena for her star moment, who admitted that it was nice to get praise, finally, after five episodes over two seasons. While Cloved was fired up and oh god, for Kelly’s zaddy sake, I hope it is Visa in the bottom with her instead. Because you know Clover will absolutely demolish.

Ultimately Pitita took out her second win of the season, sending Pakita and The Macarena to safety alongside her. At the other end of the pack, it was Visa that narrowly avoided lip syncing. And as predicted by both myself and Kelly, Clover came to play. As soon as Ay Mama by Rigoberta Bandini began she was right in the pocket. She gave emotion, drama and skin, and despite a sore ankle, used literally every corner of the stage as she fed us. Kelly meanwhile was not to be counted out, proving why she is an absolute legend as she skated her way across the stage once again. Tragically for her, it wasn’t enough as Clover was sent to safety leaving Kelly to roll out of the competition. Well, until a cameo or the return challenge, that is.

As she hot wheeled into the Werk Room, I pulled her in for a massive hug – or as massive as it could be around her broad, strapping shoulders – and assured her that she was robbed. Though I pointed out that out of the dolls eliminated thus far, I feel like she has the best shot of making a triumphant return. Full disclosure though, I was also thinking with my peen. It was enough to cheer her up however, so we quickly pivoted to kikiing and coming up with a gameplay as to how she can win the crown as a returning queen. Aka Chris Underwood-ing it. And while I don’t want to toot my own horn, I feel Kelly Rissoller play a critical role.



Emphasis on toot, given these babies are packed full of beans, filling the rissoles with a delightful earthy flavour that pairs perfectly with the tang of onion and the kick of chilli. Aka, a perfect trinity.

Enjoy!



Kelly Rissoller
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
400g can black beans, drained
500g beef mince
5 garlic cloves, minced
2 tbsp hot chilli sauce
½ cup breadcrumbs
1 onion, diced
1 tsp cumin
½ tsp ground coriander seeds
1 egg, whisked
kosher salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Pop the black beans in a bowl and gently mash them so you have a combination of whole and split beans. Add the rest of the ingredients to the bowl and scrunch to combine using your hands. Divide into 12 small patties, place on a lined plate, cover and pop in the fridge to set for half an hour.

When you’re ready to go, pop a skillet over medium heat and once nice and hot, brush with some oil and add the patties – four at a time – and cook for 5 minutes. Flip and cook for a further few minutes, or until nice browned and cooked through.

Serve immediately with salad and salsa, or my fave, mash. Either way, devour.


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