Pizza Chrustica Underwood

Main, Pizza, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor: Edge of Extinction, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the Kama Kama Kama Kama Chameleon tribe were very anti both of their returnee players, while Kelley seemed to be lugging around the target solo on Manu. I assume because everyone has forgotten that David literally dominated five seasons ago. Chris tried to pull Wardog in for a Wentworth blindside, however the artist I wish would stop calling himself Wardog but a kibosh on the plan and, rightly, swung the vote around on Keith. Who really struggled with any and all things physical, which is super relatable … until her pretends they will suck without him.

We opened back up with Keith’s theatrics trying to decide whether he wanted to join Reem at Extinction. Which he obviously did given he was so cut to be eliminated. While he was heartbroken to be out of the game, Reem was thrilled to finally have any company and quickly accepted his apology for taking him out. There was talk about the lack of food and Reem, the icon, announced that while she was close to raising the flag to get the hell out, she now wants to stay to protect her young. The next day they awoke to discover maps by the flag, guiding them to find stairs on their beach, with zero further information. They scoured the island and finally found them which led to a big pot of rice. Well, the pot was big however the supply of rice was meager. And they would have to scale the mountain each day they wanted food.

Probst decided to arrive early in the ep for this week’s reward challenge where the tribes would have to build wheelbarrows to collect sandbag, then deconstruct said wheelbarrow to build a slingshot to shoot said sandbags at targets with the first to eliminate them all would get either chickens or comfort items. Manu somehow got to an early lead – and I softened to Wardog who is babin’ – however Joe and co managed to close the gap at the first station of sandbags. Kama extended their lead throughout the rest of the challenge until they couldn’t build their slingshot, leaving Manu to take back the lead despite Wendy injuring her ankle. My sweet, sexy Chris made quick work of the targets while Gavin struggled, and try as Julia – I think that’s her name, we haven’t heard from her – might, Chris snatched Manu their first victory and damn I love Chris. Oh and I guess I should mention they selected chickens?

Back at camp we learnt how bad Big Wendy’s injury was as her ankle ballooned and she had to be carried up to the camp. She was worried that this would mean the end of her journey, while everyone rallied around to look after her … by giving her space. They then went to discuss how best to cook up the chicken, which made Wendy upset that people were going to kill them. Thankfully the pain wasn’t enough to stop her from thinking about releasing said chickens, and I love her and will call her Big Wendy just because that’s what she wants. She then asked Rick to help her bust the chickens out and while he isn’t into killing them either, he didn’t want to help bust them out.

Over at Kama the tribe were stinging from their first loss, while Joe and Aubry tried to pep them up and reminded them that while it sucked, it wasn’t immunity and they can fight like hell tomorrow. We then heard from Victoria who spoke about them being on the outs with Aurora, and I feel like the tribe wouldn’t actually mind losing an immunity challenge or three. Victoria and Ron went for a chat by the shore to lock in votes against Joe and Aubry, while Joegel was literally creeping behind them. Which is probably my favourite thing to happen in life, unless I am the Victoria in the situation. To his credit, Joe played it lowkey and pretended they weren’t targeting him to their face before finding Aubry and Aurora to discuss how screwed they are. With that Aubry ran off desperately in search of the idol which has eluded her through her two previous seasons. She dug, she scaled trees – not the highest cliff in Fiji, however – and finally, FINALLY, she found her first idol in three seasons, promptly breaking down into tears and hoping that it is the turn-around that her game needs.

We returned to Manu where Wendy was still trying to convince everyone to release the chickens, despite the fact she eats meat which made her plight less endearing and more irritating. Which made Kelley, Lauren and Wardog irate, who couldn’t understand her logic and since she is injured, Kelley hoped it would be enough to get rid of her ASAP.

My manses Probst returned for this week’s immunity challenge where Wendy’s ankle was strapped and the tribes would have to split in two and drag a boat filled with half the tribe to a tower which the boat dwellers would scale and jump off to grab keys. Which obviously unlocked puzzle pieces because every damn challenge has puzzles to keep it interesting. Chris’ BDE got Manu out to an early lead until the puzzle arrived and David, Kelley and Lauren were destroyed by Aubry, Ron and Julia – who I look forward to meeting – no doubt since Aubry has done this puzzle before in Game Changers. Obviously Kama won once again and while Kelley was worried about Wendy letting the tribe down, it turns out she is the one that blew the challenge. Which Alanis may describe as ironic.

Maybe.

David wasn’t too bothered about the loss when they got back to camp, hopeful that Wendy’s injury would provide the perfect cover for a dastardly Wentworth blindside. Wendy was still nervous that her ankle would be the end of her, so decided it was the right time to steal the flint to avoid people eating the chickens should she be booted. Which is chaotic and iconic, but also stupid. Let’s be thankful that Chris is still looking hot in his jocks and I’m about to pass out, or choke, on the dream plane.

That was too far, wasn’t it?

David and RIck went to see if Wendy was aware where the flint was, which she quickly deflected and David turned into a discussion about getting rid of Wentworth. David then approached Chris – praise, more Chris – to see if he’s be into getting rid of Kelley, which he is however he wants to loop Wardog in. Who literally saved her last week. He then took said intel to Wardog who got extremely nervous and instead of pushing him to stick with getting rid of Wentworth, he decided it would be smarter to get rid of Chris since he trusts Kelley more. He took the new plan to Wentworth, who encouraged him to go to Rick to get rid of Chris instead. And let me just say, while I love Wentworth, if Extinction Island didn’t exist, I would destroy her if I don’t get to see Chris beyond this episode. She is very lucky. Rick took the information to David, who was shocked that Big Wendy somehow became safe and they are stuck between getting rid of Chris or Kelley.

At tribal council Probst rubbed in the fact that they a big batch of losers, before Rick added that they’re now flintless and Big Wendy had zero interest in killing the chicken. Despite trying to pretend she had no interest in blocking them killing the chicken, Wardog called bullshit. Rick spoke about reevaluate their plans, given they tried to focus on strength but it has gotten them nowhere. Kelley spoke about shifting to a loyalty based game, while David acknowledged his interests have turned to taking out threats. This made Kelley nervous, which David pretended was just his awkward behaviour, however Probst zeroed in and asked everyone their opinion and left him nowhere to hide. Rick tried to be positive and spoke about how much more time they’ve had to work on their strategy over Kama while Chris admitting that his eyes have been opened to how tough it is since arriving on the island.

With that, the tribe voted and FUCK. It fucking happened again. I made pizza, and ruined my angel Chris’ game. He should not be here. He wasn’t a target, he looked great in his wet jocks and was one of the few athletic people on the tribe, but he is gone. Because of the damn pizza.

Though who knows, maybe Chris will come back and end – or reverse, even – the pizza curse. Though at this point, let’s just feel guilty for me ruining his game like Liz, Nick, Bianca, Sam, Taylor, Lou, Jack, Michelle, Tara, Roark, Jessica, Gonzalez, Brendan, Steph, Karla, Liam, Jess, Natalia and even Drag Race’s Manila Luzon. Though when you’re still technically in with a shot, Chris could focus on the beauty of Pizza Chrustica Underwood as I watch him sashay over to extinction.

 

 

I feel like I say this about every pizza, on the account of the dough and abundance of cheese, but this baby is so, so good. Crispy discs of potatoes, earthy taleggio and sausage as thick and juicy as, well, you know. How can you not stuff it in your gobs?

And the pizza is pretty good too. *Boom tish* I’m here till, well, who knows. Enjoy!

 

 

Pizza Chrustica Underwood
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
⅓ cup passata
oregano, roughly chopped, to taste
2 potatoes, washed, thinly sliced and baked until crisp
3 pork and fennel sausages, skin removed and cooked
1 small handful basil leaves
150g taleggio, grated
mozzarella, to taste

Method
Prep the bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions.

Preheat oven to 180°C.

Smear passata over the prepared bases, sprinkle of the herbs, lightly roasted potatoes, cooked sausage, basil and taleggio before coating generously, with mozzarella. Because you can’t tell me that two cheeses aren’t better than one.

Transfer to the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until bubbly and golden.

Devour immediately, hoping not to burn our mouth with some scalding cheese before getting Reemed at Extinction.

 

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Linda Perry Peri Chicken Pizza

Main, Pizza, Poultry, Street Food

What a difference a few days can make, right? After witnessing Glenn’s seventh and Amy’s sixth snubs – no matter how deserving the delightful Olivia and Regina are, it still stung – I started to rage about all the things this Oscars failed me on like Shallow muse Timothée Chalamet and my girls Dolly and Linda Perry getting snubbed.

By the time Linda arrived at my house I was in such a state, alternating between crying and screaming, that she had to pull me into her arms and hold me until I calmed down.

And thanks to her warm, loving friendship, I’ve been in a state of zen since.

I’ve known Linda for years and years, first meeting as teens in San Diego. Fun fact: she taught me that San Diego didn’t actually translate to mean whale’s vagina, which I passed on to Will Ferrell to use as a joke in Anchorman.

But anyway, she was always so patient and kind with me, despite my many foibles, so I jumped at the chance to move to San Francisco with her in the ‘80s and I of course, vowed to make her a star.

Given how insanely busy she has been recently, Linda and I haven’t spent as much time together as we would like, so it was wonderful to be able to just have time to reconnect. And smash a piping hot Linda Perry Peri Chicken Pizza.

 

 

A crunchy base, sweet tomatoes and the fiery spice of peri peri chicken work together to form the perfect pizza for warming up a surprisingly cold evening in Brisbane. FYI, it got down to 25°C.

Enjoy!

 

 

Linda Perry Peri Chicken Pizza
Serves: 2-6.

Ingredients
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
olive oil
2 chicken breasts, diced
½ cup peri peri sauce
⅓ cup passata
oregano and basil, roughly chopped, to taste
1 red onion, thinly sliced
1 cup baby spinach
200g cherry tomatoes, halved
mozzarella, to taste

Method
Prep the bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions.

Heat a lug of olive oil in a skillet and cook the diced chicken for five minutes or so, or until cooked through. Add the peri peri – more if needed – and cook for a further couple of minutes, or until well coated.

Preheat oven to 180°C.

Smear passata over the prepared bases, sprinkle of the herbs, onion, spinach, spicy chicken and cherry tomatoes, before blanketing – I mean, you don’t have to but who wouldn’t – in mozzarella.

Transfer to the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until bubbly and golden. Before devouring, thinking about how wrong it is that Lind and Doll still don’t have Oscars.

 

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Capreese Dip Witherspoon

Dip, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold XCI: Call Me By Your Gold, Snack, Vegetarian

I don’t want to make this year’s Oscar Gold celebration – Call Me By Your Gold – about A Star is Born but to be honest, it and Bohemian Rhapsody did inspire me to reach out to today’s guest. Eternally delightful, America’s Sweetheart and Oscar winning musical performer Reese Witherspoon.

I’ve known Reese since the mid-90s after meeting on the set of Fear – I was dating Markie Mark at the time – but it wasn’t until a few years later that our friendship blossomed. I went from introducing her to my fluffee Ryan Phillippe on the Cruel Intentions set before helping her to play a character based off my high school years in a little known movie called Election.

Given one gave her her two eldest children and the other launched her into serious actress category, it goes without saying she is grateful for my love and support.

While we’ve tragically been separated by our busy schedules, it was such a treat to be able to get together and honour the Oscars and catch-up. Given her star turn in Monsters vs. Aliens, I kicked off running the odds with Best Animated Feature which Reese thinks will surprise for Incredibles 2 while I can’t go past Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse as much as my puppy thinks Isle of Dogs has it in the bag. When it comes to lead performances we agree that my dearest Rami Malek needs to win Best Actor if there’s any justice in the world, while we’re both backing Glenn Close for being an icon, I believe that Melissa McCarthy is the truly deserving person in the category. Sorry Gaga.

We may not have agreed much on victors this date, but there was no denying how glorious the piping hot Capreese Dip Witherspoon was.

 

 

Gooey and sweet, this is quite possibly one of my favourite warm dips. I mean take a salad that proves you can make friends with salad, then chuck it in the oven and spread it on crackers? Iconic.

Enjoy!

 

 

Capreese Dip Witherspoon
Serves: 2 chatty friends. Or 6 reg peeps, I guess?

Ingredients
200g bocconcini, drained
200g roma tomatoes, roughly chopped
½ cup grated mozzarella
⅓ cup basil, roughly chopped, plus extra to serve
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp olive oil

Method
Preheat an oven to 180C.

Combine everything in a large bowl and transfer into a baking dish. Place in the oven and cook for twenty minutes, or until bubbly and hot.

Devour, with plenty of crackers.

 

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Bobcorn Chicken Crowley

Main, Poultry, Side, Snack, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor: Gabon

We’re less than two weeks away from someone joining the Francesca Hogi Memorial First Boot Club – well technically, who knows with extinction in play – and as such it is high time to corral another Sole Survivor to drop by and celebrate.

Side note: can you believe I am one victor away from completing the winner’s circle? Well, two given Brian Heidik shoots puppies and will never appear here.

Anyway, given that our best shot is for this season to be an epic disaster that manages to be entertaining, I thought it was finally time to catch up with my dear friend Bob Crowley. Aka victor of one of the most chaotic and beautifully entertaining seasons of all time, Gabon.

While I didn’t know Bob until after his win, we became the best of friends as soon as Sugar introduced us. Some may say it was his out of the box buff wearing that saw him snatch my heart, and well, they are totally right. And that is why we’ve never fought a day after our beautiful friendship.

Despite being one vote away from being bested by Susie, Bob’s win is one of the greatest possible outcomes for a season as insane as Gabon. I mean, it would be like Angelina winning David vs. Goliath. Sure Matty dominated physically, the onions were nasty and Sugar controlled the game, Bob managed to find his footing against all odds, made a stunning fake idol and leveraged Sugar’s emotions to get to the end.

And if that isn’t worthy of a bowl of Bobcorn Chicken Crowley, I don’t know what is.

 

 

You know I love me some fried chicken slash take-away copycats, so this baby pretty much has it all. Spicy, crunchy itty-bitty pieces of chicken – the perfect way to feel like you’ve eaten less, while getting optimal batter to meat quantity. Perfection.

Enjoy!

 

 

Bobcorn Chicken Crowley
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
2 cups flour
⅔ tsp salt
½ tsp thyme
½ tsp basil
⅓ tsp oregano
1 tsp celery salt
1 tsp black pepper
1 tsp mustard powder
4 tsp paprika
2 tsp garlic salt
1 tsp ground ginger
3 tsp white pepper
500g chicken breast, cut into popcorn sized chunks
1 cup buttermilk
vegetable oil, for fryin’

Method
Combine the flour through white pepper in a large bowl and place the buttermilk in another. Toss the chicken through the buttermilk, then in the flour mixture to coat thoroughly.

Bring 1 inch deep oil to heat – around 180°C – in a large pot. Once shimmering with heat, add the chicken a handful of pieces at a time – size, not literally with your hands since the oil – and fry for about five minutes, or until golden, crisp and cooked through. Transfer to kitchen paper to drain slightly and repeat the process until done.

Devour immediately. With or without your fave sauce.

 

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Chicken & Olivia Newton John Patties

Grammy Gold, Grammy Gold: Somebody That I Used to Gold, Main, Poultry, Snack

It was such a treat to see this year’s GO recipient Lady Gaga to kick off this year’s Grammy Gold celebration – Somebody That I Used To Gold – that I couldn’t quit the film world completely. As such I grabbed the phone and as a twist of fate, my dear friend Olivia Newton John was free to catch up.

Despite being on death’s door according to the tabloids.

I’ve known Liv since the mid-70s while she and Pat Carroll where working the nightclub scene. Unbeknownst to them, they were once booked for a strip club and while it came as a shock, it led to us meeting. Which gave her “the most beautiful friendship of my life,” so she is pleased by how things turned out.

Given she is most well known for her star making turn in Grease, Liv was thrilled to help me run the Music for Visual Media odds. While she thinks our Hugh will snatch Best Compilation Soundtrack for Visual Media, my heart will always for for Call Me by Your Name though the clarinets of Lady Bird do fill my heart with joy. For Best Score Soundtrack I think Black Panther  has it in the bag, while Liv is rooting for The Shape of Water. And rounding things out, we agree that Gaga will continue her sting of wins for Shallow in Best Song, however a Mystery of Love win would make me sob happy tears by a fireplace.

With the most important job of all out of the way, we hung out in the kitchen, laughed, cried and smashed a huge batch of Chicken & Olivia Newton John Patties.

 

 

If you haven’t realised by now, I have a passionate, unadulterated love for rissoles. And these babies are no exception, sweet, tarty and packing a punch, they’re the perfect nourishing mid-week meal that doesn’t make you want to cry. Doesn’t everyone cry during dinner on hump day? No, just me? Awks.

Enjoy!

 

 

Chicken & Olivia Newton John Patties
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g chicken mince
½ cup kalamata olives, roughly chopped
1 lemon, zested
4 garlic cloves, minced
½ cup panko breadcrumbs
¼ cup parmesan cheese, grated
small handful basil leaves, roughly chopped chopped
1 tsp chilli flakes

Method
Preheat oven to 160°C.

Combine everything in a bowl, scrunching with your hands until well combined. Divide into 8 patties and place on a lined baking sheet.

Transfer to the oven to bake for fifteen minutes and devour immediately with a salad. Despite not making friends with it.

 

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Ellie Kemparmigana Rissoles

Hashbrown: The End, Main

After kicking off my celebration of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt – Hashbrown: The End –  catching up with Carol and Dylan, I realised that I needed to circle back to the point and celebrate the titular Kimmy. Aka my dear friend Ellie Kemper.

While I haven’t known Ellie as long as some of the other cast members – I met her in 2011 while visiting Melissa on the set of Bridesmaids – we quickly bonded over our passion for writing and became the best of friends.

Despite being a close personal friend of Tina, I shockingly didn’t organise the casting. It was such a delight to pick up the phone from Tina who was giddy to have found her Kimmy, only to discover it was my dearest friend.

I haven’t seen Ellie since the last Emmys – where I refused to believe the news that Kimmy’s end was nigh – so it was wonderful to spend some time together and absorb the fact that this delightful, quirky show is ending and the world will never be the same.

And our hearts will become a blackened void.

Though I guess that’s where my Ellie Kemparmigana Rissoles come into play.

 

 

Chargrilled eggplant topped with a juicy, braised rissole, covered in tomato sauce and cheese? You can’t go wrong, even for the staunchest of anti-eggplanters – the veggie only, obvs – like me.

Enjoy!

 

 

Ellie Kemparmigana Rissoles
Serves: 6-8, depending on the size of your eggplant.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 large eggplant, cut into 1cm slices
1kg beef mince
1 tbsp oregano, chopped
1 tbsp basil, chopped
3 garlic cloves, crushed
⅓ cup parmesan cheese, grated
2 cups passata
½ cup – or more, obvi – mozzarella cheese, grated

Method
Preheat the oven to 200°C.

Place the slices of eggplant on a lined baking sheet and brush with olive oil. Transfer to the oven and bake for half an hour, flipping once. Remove and drain on some kitchen towel.

Reduce oven to 180°C.

Combine the mince, oregano, basil, garlic and parmesan in a bowl and shape into 16 rissoles.

Place the eggplant slices in the bottom of a baking dish and top each with a rissole. Pour over the passata and sprinkle with the mozzarella. Transfer to the oven to bake for half an hour, or until the cheese is golden and the rissoles cooked through.

Serve immediately with a big heaping of Gabriel Mash or on their own. Or with salad. I don’t mind, the most important thing is you devour.

 

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Diavollen Pizza

Golden Globe Gold, Golden Globe Gold: Goldy Bird, Main, Pizza, Street Food

I can’t believe we’ve arrived at day four of this year’s Golden Globes Gold, Goldy Bird which is also doubling as my triumphant return to internet glory. I mean, it feels like only yesterday I was sitting down with Ryan, Katey and Rich. I guess in Rich’s case, that is because it was yesterday. But anyway, I decided there was no better person to hang out with and round out the Motion Picture Awards than my dear, dear friend Diane Warren.

I first met Di in the late ‘80s while working on Mannequin. As you know, I was on set with my dear friend Estelle when I heard her humming what would become the hit theme song Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now. I was blown away by her talent, and immediately approached her in the hope of striking up a friendship and riding her coattails.

But plot twist, before a single word left my mouth she admitted that it was my beauty and the chemistry I shared with Andrew McCarthy that inspired her to write the song. And she asked my to move in with her and be her muse.

Which I did, until my epic tirade at the ‘99 Academy Awards that led to me being blacklisted from the Academy and she had to distance herself from me. While she could appreciate my rage that she and Cate Blanchett both lost, she had to set me free and we lost contact for a few years.

Until a young girl called Gaga brought us back together, which is another story for another time.

It was so good to be able to see her again, reconnect and celebrate our dear Gaga, before sitting down and discuss the final two Motion Picture categories, Score and Song. Obviously we’re both backing Gaga for Song, though I certainly wouldn’t be shocked if Kendrick Lamar snagged it for All the Stars. And I would obviously love my two dear friends Dolly and Linda to snag a win. As far as the Scores go, Justin Horowitz’s is near perfection in First Man and as such, we both think it would win. Though I would argue this category is essentially wide open.

With that, I said farewell to the Motion Picture odds and we sat down for a big slice of Diavollen Pizza to toast to our ongoing successes.

 

 

While you may not remember given my part-time relationship with this anthropological study last year, I have a passion for anything so hot and spicy that it can liquify my organs. And this inferno salame pizza is one of my favourite vehicles, hot, meaty sausage, pillowy dough and drippy cheese, there is nothing I would love in my mouth more.

Enjoy!

 

 

Diavollen Pizza
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
½ cup passata
a small handful of fresh Italian herbs, roughly chopped
1 cup grated mozzarella
¼ cup basil leaves
200g hot inferno salame

Method
Prep the bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions.

Preheat oven to 180°C.

Smear the bases with passata and herbs. Sprinkle with the cheese, followed by the basil and the salame.

Transfer to the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until bubbly and golden.

Devour immediately.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Carl Meatballdreaux Sub

Main, Snack, Survivor, Survivor: David vs. Goliath, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor Elizabeth continued to add to her harem of hunks as Dan was idol nullified from the game, I assume to feed her grapes and fan her with palm fronds with John. Which is totally what I dreamed of last night, with me excelling in the role of Liz. Obvi. Anyway – the Davids were firmly in control, Angelina worked to ingratiate herself with them by throwing Alison, Kara and Alec under the bus. Tragically for the latter, he dropped out of the immunity challenge after a hard-fought battle with Christian, leading to the tribe joining together to take the biggest physical threat out of the game.

And hot damn is Liz lucky!

Back at camp Davie thanked the Goliaths for joining them in taking out Alec, given it levels the playing field. Only it didn’t, since the Davids have finally taken control. Poor Alison broke down about Alec’s departure, sad that she was fighting harder for him to stay with Christian pulling her aside and comforting her and damn I love him. I mean, I get why people are struggling to turn on him since he is an absolute sweetheart.

Just like that my boy Jeff appeared for the latest reward challenge where they’d be split into two teams to swim out to a ladder which they would ascend and then jump into the water to release buoys … which they would use to throw into baskets. It was for fried chicken on a speedboat, so you know I’d be all in. Poor Christian wasn’t selected for a team, leaving him time to look for an advantage on the sit-out bench while Mike, yes Mike, got him, Carl, Davie and Kara out to an early lead. Despite closing the gap slightly – and Nick giving us a glimpse of his buoys – the orange team maintained a slight lead, starting to shoot their baskets before the others arrived at the dock. Nick scored the first basket for the purple team, however the orange team finally got their eye in, scoring goal after goal and snatching victory for Carl’s first reward.

The victors jumped on their speedboat, downing beers leading to the drunkest performance on Survivor since Big Tom as he sat on Kara’s lap and promised that they were good. He shared that Alison is the next best target as it would only upset Gabby. They arrived at their feast on an abandoned island with Davie joining Carl in tipsy-dom, excitedly talking about how proud he was to prove himself as an athlete. Carl continued to run his mouth as Mike and Kara continued to play him and talk about his plans, giving Kara enough power to hopefully make a move. Meanwhile back at camp Gabby was kicking off the move against Carl, approaching Christian to make a move and reclaim their games as Carl looks to be in control. And that won’t win them the game. Gabby pulled in Alison, who was thrilled to jump on board and given she suggested they asked Kara and Mike to join them, I smell a blindside.

After sobering up upon his return to camp, Carl pulled his alliance together to lock in his vote for Alison. Angelina shared that she had essentially replaced Gabby’s place within David alliance, leaving her on the outs. Carl locked Angelina in as the decoy boot for Gabby before pulling Mike in to join in the Alison. Which seems likely to be a big mistake. Huge! Carl then beckoned Christian to lock in his vote, pissing off yet another person and solidifying Christian’s plan to get rid of him. Christian and Mike shared their Carl stories, before running the numbers and realising that they are more than ready to get rid of Carl. Wait, no, Mike is admitting to be playing the middle. AND IS THIS GOING TO BACKFIRE? I can’t stop overthinking things.

The next morning Gabby and Christian got together to watch the sunset and discuss the fact that she has been completely pushed out of the David alliance. This obviously – and fairly – annoyed the hell out of Gabby, who vowed to turn on them and take control. Meanwhile the rest of the tribe discovered that their rice was near empty with Angelina, bless, naively suggesting that they should negotiate with Jeff for more. Which she should know will not end well. Particularly since her Tracey Flick mentality was annoying the shit out of Mike.

At the immunity challenge the tribe would be required to race over an obstacle, spin on a pole and traverse a balance beam collect while collecting puzzle pieces along the way, which they would use to solve a word puzzle. But before that, Angelina continued with her plan to put her Yale education to use bartering with Jeff to get more rice. She essentially listed everything around the camp, which Jeff shadily called a low ball offer before saying all it will take is one person giving up their shot at immunity for additional rice, with Angelina – obviously – sitting out to add to her resume. Anyway the challenge was fairly neck and neck, with everyone working on the puzzle at the same time. Carl was the first to come up with a word – perceptions – which was wrong but triggered Alison and Davie, leaving them to battle it out for immunity. With the latter snagging immunity.

Angelina was proud of her negotiations when they discovered the rice back at camp. While everyone praised her, she tried to play humble as they cooked up some rice and prepared to lock in their plans. Carl continued to rub people the wrong way, locking in his plan with anyone and everyone. Meanwhile knowing she is on the block, Alison and Kara joined together to figure out how to lock in Mike. With Mike playing the middle and proving his acting chops, buying him enough time to decide whether Alison being a threat was more painful than Carl’s overconfidence. Sadly for him Christian recognised his acting prowess and debated whether he could trust Mike at tribal. Christian joined Gabby and they locked in their vote, with Gabby vowing that tonight would be the tonight people started recognising her as a player.

At tribal council Elizabeth and her hunks arrived before Kara spoke about the ever changing lines and needing to show trust to earn trust. Nick spoke about scrambled eggs, Christian moved it to poaching and Angelina spoke about gladiators. Just to confirm, I’m not joking. Mike admitting to feeling more comfortable voting people out as the game went along, Alison felt nervous and Nick circled back to the eggs. Carl chimed in and came across super arrogant, annoying Gabby and TBH everyone. Probst congratulated Mike on being the last male Goliath standing, Angelina quoted Friday Night Lights and praised herself for getting the rice for everyone and Alison admitting to having a plan but being unsure whether she can trust said plan. With that the tribe voted and hot damn Mike swung to Gabby’s side, ending her feud with Carl and sending him to the jury.

I was completely expecting Carl to be irate to have found himself arriving at Ponderosa but he took his boot in his stride – maybe he was still tipsy from the reward, who knows? – and held me close, thrilled to see his best trucking friend. Fun fact: my time as a trucker inspired me to write the hit horror film Joy Ride starring Paul Walker, may he rest in peace. Anyway, we laughed, we cried, we lamented him letting the power go to his head … and then smashed a big fat Carl Meatballdreaux Sub.

 

 

I used to be a fiend for this Subway classic, until a tragic encounter at the one next to Studio 54. Alan and Em were starring in Cabaret and were desperate for me to swing by, however being so important and in demand I was in a rush and needed a bite, lest I faint on stage after Showgirls-ing someone out of their role. Anyway, the post-mix was running out of syrup and something whackadoodle was going on with the food.

But this one, I assure you, will sit right – striking the balance between saucy Italian meat and fresh capsi, like only Subway can muster. Well, Subway and me.

Enjoy!

 

 

Carl Meatballdreaux Sub
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
salt and pepper, to taste
olive oil
1 onion, diced
5 garlic cloves
800g canned crushed tomatoes
1 tbsp dried basil
1 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp dried thyme
1 tsp dried sage
4 Hulk Hogies
8 slices Swiss cheese
1-2 tomatoes, sliced
1 cup iceberg lettuce, washed, dried and shredded
1 green capsicum, sliced

Method
Combine the mince with a good whack of salt and pepper in a bowl and scrunch to combine.

Heat a good lug of oil in a dutch oven over low heat and sweat the onion and garlic for five minutes. Add the crushed tomatoes and herbs and bring to the boil. Reduce to a simmer and grabbing golf ball-sized chunks, shape balls out of the mince and add to the pot until gone. Cover and leave to simmer for fifteen minutes, or until the balls are cooked through.

To serve, slice you hoagies and top with slices of cheese. Spoon in a couple of balls and a heap of sauce before topping with the tomato, lettuce, capsicum.

And devouring, messily.

 

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