Shaun Cheese & Hampscones

Shaun Cheese & Hampscones

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Baking, Side, Snack, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the battle between Champions and Contenders reached its crescendo as the two tribes merged with six OGs apiece, thanks to some impressive work from David and Luke to survive a mega-minority after the swap. After the merge Daisy snatched victory at the first reward challenge, and with it an idol, while Shaun took out immunity which gave the former Contenders the upper hand at the first tribal council. Sadly for them, David once again proved to be the master and convinced the tribe to target Andy and get rid of him as an easy vote before the jury commences. While Shaun didn’t like giving up the potential numbers advantage, there was nothing he could do to convince the Contenders it was a bad idea. After being made to feel nervous at tribal, Daisy played her idol just in case as Andy was booted unanimously. And then got one thing right, finally, by dropping the bombshell that Dave has an idol. Even though he didn’t think it was true, a stopped clock is right twice a day.

The next day we checked in with the tribe as Zaddy John was growing more and more annoyed by David’s peacocking around camp. I assume because he isn’t stripping off enough, which John, PREACH. The tribe then critiqued the model’s island looks, with most people reading him for filth thanks to his penchant for a bare chest and copious amounts of accessories. Though his passion for going to challenges at least shirtless is something I am grateful for, so I won’t shade him too much. Plus, his confidence is kind of endearing as he assumes that once again Andy’s attempt at playing the game and blowing (accidentally) up his idol secret will be a fail. Which sadly, I don’t agree with.

Meanwhile Luke was thrilled to still be in the game and somehow have the numbers advantage back after getting everyone to turn on Andy. He and his dear ally Janine were discussing how she expected to go before leaving for the game, with him sharing how much he respected her given she is so open to pushing herself. They then spoke about their tough upbringings and she told him how much she respected him and WHY AM I CRYING. They are honestly a duo I ship hard and I hate that Luke annoyed me so much in his first season. That being said Janine knows that a good social game is key for her and as such, being warm and engaging is her way to deflect from the target on her back. Though I choose to believe her love for Luke is as pure – or impure – as mine for John.

Luke and Baden then caught up to discuss their potential alliance, with Baden sharing that his plan is to ride the middle and use his bond with Luke to keep abreast of what is going on. They then spoke about the importance of getting rid of Shaun and/or Simon as soon as possible, before Shaun sauntered upon the scene just as they were bitching about him. Thankfully for him Baden has no intention of getting rid of another Contender, so planned to use the information to get rid of a Champion ASAP. Baden caught up with Daisy and Shaun who were concerned about his role as a double agent, though were grateful that he could spill the tea and help them find a way to take out David next. Shaun then attempted to dabble in some comedy, joking about David being slimy and while they kinda fell flat he is super pretty, so whatevs.

My boy Jonathan arrived for the reward challenge where everyone would hold themselves up between two poles on ever decreasing footholds … FOR A BRAND NEW CAR. Everyone survived the first stage of the challenge before poor Shaun became the first person out. He was followed by Daisy and Baden in quick succession. The rest transitioned to the skinniest perch, which immediately claimed Zaddy John, Luke, Pia and Harry, before Janine excused herself after an hour leaving Simon, Abbey and David to battle it out for a car they could easily buy themselves. At 75 minutes Simon stepped out of the challenge, with Abbey and Dave fighting it out for another 25 minutes before Jonathan grew tired, told them they could no longer use their hands which proved to be Dave’s undoing, handing Abbey the car. Not to rest on his laurels, Jonathan told Abbey that the boot was complete with a picnic and as such she could invite two people to join her, with the earnest AFL player selecting Dave for trying hard and John for being sweet.

At the picnic Dave gritted his teeth through the disappointment at losing the car, having to tolerate smashing the abundance of food under a waterfall in Fiji. The trio got to celebrating their luck, with Abbey happy to reward Dave’s hard work and form a bond with John. Who was looking forward to getting to know her, which instantly made me jealous. Growing tired of the bonding David decided to bring up the game, suggesting the three of them would be a solid alliance that could control their way to the end game. And while David didn’t want to go to the end with them, he’d be happy to be dragged by them. Sadly for him John had zero desire to work with him, sick of how hard Dave is playing and knowing full well that he needs to go. Abbey then turned the conversation to who should go next, with him placing the target on Shaun’s back and while the logic is solid, his aggressive gameplay irked her too.

Back at camp Shaun was understanding of Abbey taking Dave on reward, given she is so sweet. Instead of dwelling he searched for an idol and stumbled upon a mandarin tree. He was then sprung by Janine and the two of them tried to shake fruit free, while the two discussed how critical it is to get rid of Dave ASAP. Which JaQueen was all in on, vowing to blindside him at the very next chance she gets.

Jonathan returned for the latest immunity challenge which is the full blown water torture event, with everyone submerged under a grate in rising water with the last person to remain under the grate snatching victory. Almost instantly a terrified Daisy and Abbey dropped out of the challenge as the sun started to set and the rest of the competitors started to freeze. As the water covered everyone’s eyes Baden dropped out, followed by Harry, Pia, Harry and Janine, leaving Shaun, Luke, David and Simon to battle it out in the dark. After a brief struggle – which sounds like a death notice – Luke was the next to go, followed by silent Simon leaving the battling babes to hold on for dear life. With Shaun dropping out after being fully submerged, leaving a nearly drowned David to secure immunity,

Oh and then Jonathan dropped the bomb that instead of going back to camp, the tribe would be heading to a lit clearing straight outside tribal council.

The tribe frantically scrambled to identify a target, with the Champions plus Harry immediately excusing themselves to confirm that they would once again split the vote on Daisy and Shaun. Meanwhile Shaun rallied the Contenders and shared that he would be voting for Luke, since David isn’t an option and nobody can possibly beat him at the end. And while everyone agreed, they know Luke is too likeable to get anyone to flip on him at this point in the game. Shaun and Daisy then approached Simon and Abbey to see how they were feeling about things, with Shaun making the pitch to get rid of Luke … as he approached the group and stopped everyone in their tracks. Harry too added some drama, running to John with Pia, JaQueen and Daisy, to float the idea of getting rid of the biggest threat aka Luke. Simon then joined the group as the weighed up who is the bigger threat out of Shaun and Luke. While Pia was open to the flip, she was once again worried about an idol being in play.

The tribe finally arrived at tribal council where David admitted that the previous hour was complete and utter bedlam as everyone tried to draw a line in the sand once and for all. Pia shared that everyone has finally realised that it is well and truly and individual game, while Luke started to whisper to anyone near him to reconfirm the vote against Shaun. David tried to redirect the focus back to Shaun and his strength, while Shaun then pointed out that relying on immunities isn’t enough and as such, Luke and his strategic gameplay is far more threatening and is far harder to get rid of. David tried to sell his immunity victory as one for all of his allies, while JaQueen admitted that the minimal time to scramble has really complicated their games and forced people to ignore a lot of glaring issues with their plans. She then straddled the centre pointing out that getting rid of a challenge threat is something that needs to occur when you have the chance.

Shaun pointed out that getting rid of him is a shitty move and not something that would help build your resume for the jury, while someone like Luke who will beat all of them is a smarter, game-building move. JaQueen tried to reiterate that they need to get rid of strength, with Harry pointing out that they will have other chances and getting rid of Luke makes oh so much sense. John then joined the fray to remind everyone that when Shaun goes, the next strongest will become the biggest threat and as such, those people need to think carefully about how they frame their votes. With that the tribe voted and tragically the stallion himself Shaun was booted from the game.

In any normal season Shaun would be the number one person I lust after between his penchant for speedos and being gorgeous. And while I love John, I assured Shaun that he is my solid number two and I only held back on my love for him thanks to my relationship with his partner Megsy – aka Megan Gale, who I really need to catch-up with soon. Fun fact, I am godfather to their eldest. While Shaun and I were heartbroken to see him eliminated this early, we were grateful that he landed in the fourth best place – behind winner, runner-up and fourth-place robbed goddess – as the King of the Jury. I mean, how reassured are you that such a calm, nice person is setting the tone for this year’s jury. I mean, it almost makes me feel as good as filling my gob with Shaun Cheese & Hampscones.

 

Shaun Cheese & Hampscones

 

There are not many ways you improve on something as wholesome and perfect as Shaun, sorry scone, but adding ham and cheese is definitely one of them. Salty ham, sharp cheddar and a kick of capsicum work together to make these babies even more perfect … er.

Enjoy!

 

Shaun Cheese & Hampscones

 

Shaun Cheese & Hampscones
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
4 cups flour
2 tbsp baking powder
1 tsp chilli flakes
100g chilled unsalted butter, cubed
200g ham, diced
6 shallots, sliced
2 garlic cloves, minced
½ red capsicum, finely diced
½ green capsicum, finely diced
2 cups vintage cheddar cheese, grated
salt and pepper, to taste
1 ½ cups buttermilk, plus more for brushin’

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Sift the flour and baking powder into a large bowl and whisk in the chilli flakes. Add the butter and press together with your fingertips until it comes together and resembles moist sand. How much do you love the word moist? Fold through the ham, shallots, garlic, capsicum and ¾ of the cheese into that moist mix with a good whack of salt and pepper. Pour in the buttermilk and cut it through the mixture until the dough has just come together.

Portion the dough into 8-12 even mounds and place on a lined baking sheet. Brush with excess buttermilk and a sprinkle of the remaining cheese. Transfer to oven and bake for 15-20 minutes, or until golden, puffed and glorious.

Spread the fluffy little buns, slather with copious amounts of butter and devour, as the sweet butter melts and drips all over you.

Maybe Shaun is my number one?

 

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Passjohnfruit Hennigan Butter

Condiment, Survivor, Survivor: David vs. Goliath, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the Goliaths entered the merge with a 7-5 advantage, with the Mayor of Slamtown – aka my bae-town – tragically channelling Kellyn for some Goliath Strong votes ahead. Unaware Christian, Nick, Gabby, Alec, Mike and Alison launched a new majority alliance – well almost – vowing to lay low for a couple of votes before taking control of the game. Everyone had locked in a vote against Elizabeth, however Angelina was desperate to start securing jury votes and took that information back to her, allowing she and Gabby to blow up Angelina’s game at tribal. Sure Elizabeth was still voted out, but there is no way Angelina can win. The final three however? I pray.

Back at camp Angelina was feeling the heat and desperately got to work pretending she wasn’t caught out trying to win over the Queen of the Jury. While she lied her arse off, nobody believed her – nobody – but damn I love her and need her to stay as long as possible.

The next day Christian and Mike got together to spill the tea on tribal and while they admitted Angelina lost all her power, they still used the time to reconfirm the new 6-person alliance. Well until Mike mentioned that Gabby’s performance at tribal gave him doubts about her loyalty. Meanwhile Nick was expanding his list of allies, wandering the camp with Davie to find an idol to help them take control. Sadly they didn’t find an idol, though they did find a clue and set off down the beach to hunt. Carl joined them in the hunt before they realised the entire tribe was sitting near the tree where it was hidden. Davie literally did interpretive dance on a rock to distract the rest of their tribe while Nick quickly pocketed a vote steal – which is still hella cursed, FYI – and Carl spilled the fact he own an idol nullifier. Between those and Davie’s idol – which he kept secret – I can smell a comeback.

My boy Probst interrupted the excitement for this week’s reward challenge where the tribe would be split into two teams and forced to hold weighted bags tethered to a trough of water over their heads. Aka the Australian Survivor challenge where Robbie, Benji and Zach postured and lost. It was for 12 pizzas between six people and hot damn, that is worth playing for. Gabby selected Nick, Alec, John, Alison and Christian for her team – no doubt to Mike’s chagrin – despite the fact he too was a captain. To be honest the cast has less toxic masculinity and as such it isn’t really exciting to write about, so Gabby’s team took out reward. But damn, Kara is a beast and I love her. Particularly since she wasn’t cocky about hold three bags while Dan was, forcing him to drop one and lose the challenge for his team.

Kalokalo returned to camp where Gabby’s team sat down to devour their feast in front of the rest of the tribe. Which made them all hella salty, well, except Mike who just wants to make it to the end. He went for a walk down the beach to reflect on his many alliances and figure which is his best option. He went to discuss voting out Angelina with Alec, concerned that she is a non-threat and he is more interested in getting rid of Christian. Thankfully Alec agreed that Christian was a threat but was way more interested in keeping his options open, which getting rid of him would eliminate. Mike went and spoke to the rest of the Goliaths with all of them thrilled to jump on board with the Christian vote, driving Angelina crazy since she threw it out last week and got shut down by all of them. Rubbing salt in that wound, she was told that she would be this week’s decoy.

Jeffrey returned for this week’s reward challenge where the castaways would balance on a narrow perch while trying to keep their ball up between two rods, which sounds counterintuitive TBH if you ask me. Kara quickly dropped out – unlike Probst’s boyfie fuck you Brad Culpepper – followed closely by Christian, Alison, Davie, my bae John, Gabby and Carl. Only minutes later Alec and Mike dropped, leaving Angelina, Nick and Dan to battle it out to win immunity and beat Culpepper’s record. Nick dropped as I got distracted by Dan’s package before Angelina dropped and handed Dan his first immunity win.

Things quickly descended into chaos back at camp as the Goliaths told the Davids that Angelina will be voted out tonight, despite the fact they plan to take out Christian. Angelina was still smarting about being the decoy vote, complaining to Dan and Kara about potentially being idoled out. Dan started to chastise her, much to her clear rage. He then disappeared to talk to Alec and Kara and floated the idea of potentially letting her get idolled out, rather than protect her like her promised. Alec then took the information that Mike was considering flipping to Nick, encouraging him to flip the script if they can. Nick looped in Christian as the poor nerd started to panic, while Nick set off to figure out a way to use his advantage to protect his buddy. Davie continued to keep his idol a secret, however started to consider whether it was worth using to snatch a majority.

At tribal council Elizabeth looked completely adorable while Angelina acknowledged how destroyed she was at tribal council. Nick admitted that turning on Angelina could be their best shot at survival, Mike spoke about sticking Goliath strong being an easy move, Davie praised Elizabeth for highlighting cracks at the last tribal and Carl admitted he wasn’t sure about anything until the votes are read. John – bae – spoke about getting what you give, while Alec said that isn’t always the safest move and Nick started to ramp things up, pledging his allegiance to his allies. The biggest guy here John spoke about the importance of taking out threats, Christian seemed confused about how large a threat he has become before sharing how great he is at forging bonds. Which Queen Angelina pointed out and then acknowledged that there are bound to be fireworks when they get back to camp.

With that the tribe voted and Davie decided it was worth it playing his idol for Christian. This terrified Angelina who immediately went to Natalie and the jacket mode, begging Dan to play one of his idols for her. Which he did. Sadly for the Goliaths and my eyes, Davie clearly had looped some fellow Davids in on the idol as they loaded up a couple of vote on John and the Mayor of Slamtown was sent out of the game and to the jury. Given he is a total sweet babe, he laughed it off and praised everyone on a game well played, not even firing Christian from the role of Slamtown Comptroller.

Obviously I threw myself at him as soon as he walked in to Ponderosa, holding him tight and promising everything will be ok. I mean, I knew he was ok, but I just wanted to hug him … to make sure, you know? I’ve know John since my days on the wrestling circuit – I coached the Rock, no biggie – and we’ve been the best of friends for years, so after a quick catch-up I knew that my Passjohnfruit Hennigan Butter would be the only thing worthy of toasting a game well played. And a tushy of gold.

 

 

Now it is confession time. I normally hate passionfruit, most likely because I convinced myself they would crack my teeth and I’ll look like Cletus from The Simpsons. Why that fear stop me from passionfruit and not the sugar balls is a mystery for another time …

Anyway, this baby is the only way to eat passion fruit. I mean, how do you go wrong by adding butter and sugar to something? The question is rhetorical, so don’t disappoint me by answering in the comments.

Enjoy!

 

 

Passjohnfruit Hennigan Butter
Serves: 8-12. TBH, I have no idea.

Ingredients
250g chilled butter, chopped
300g raw caster sugar
1 ½ cups fresh passionfruit pulp
6 egg yolks

Method
Combine everything in a saucepan and cook over low heat, stirring, for fifteen minutes.

Transfer to a sterilised jar.

Chill overnight.

Devour.

 

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Clubbie Sandwicki

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders, Main, Snack, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the Champions and Contenders were no more as the tribes merged, reuniting Shonella and Sharn and Lydia with their fellow Champions. Though not that Mat cared, given they allied with Benji and Robbie in his absence. Things only got worse for the duo as Shane pulled out of the immunity challenge and used that time to rally the troops against blindsiding Lydia. Which she executed to perfection, with Benji and Robbie once again left in the dark.

We returned to Koro Savu the next day where Shonee was continuing her helpful kick, starting fire and keeping Fenella like the queen that she is. Though given she is just grateful to have Fenella back – aka the only person she likes – she is willing to look after her. They then laughed about their ability to float through the game, find cracks and hot damn I want to be their bestie.

The clothed duo of Benji and Robbie were sulking by the shore, worried about what being left out on the Lydia vote means for them. Benji continued his streak of being wrong, identifying Mat as the one in charge and vowing to get his revenge. Completely unaware that Queen Shane is the icon in charge. To Mat’s credit, he knew the boys were pissed and approached them to tell them that Shane spearheaded the move and he had no other option. However once again, Benji chose to be wrong and decided it was a complete lie. Continuing his delusions of grandeur, Benji decided to cause chaos and paint a Survivor masterpiece. He kicked that off by reminding us that Monika is on the island, approaching her about forming an alliance over pawpaws. Which is a shitty omen, given pawpaws are foul.

Sharn too was still smarting about the outcome of the previous tribal council. Knowing she needed to lock in some backup options, she connected with Benji to see whether they were still good. Obviously they still were because Sharn is another dominant queen and is friendly with everyone. Meanwhile Mat and Steve were overcome with some paranoia by the shore, with zaddy Steve concerned about everyone turning on them now that Lydia is gone. Which is totally what is happening in the next few tribals, right? They checked in with Sharn who once again assured them everything was ok and that they could take out Robbie or Benji next.

Robbie and Fenella interrupted the plotting by returning to camp with an ominous note telling them to select one person to go up the path and make a decision for the tribe. Given everyone loves and trusts Sharn, they chose her and she was faced with the decision to take a huge bag or veggies … or a smaller one, an advantage at the next immunity challenge. While she debated about doing the right thing, she did the right thing for her game and selected the advantage, meaning she would only have to hold half the weight required at the challenge.

She returned to camp and told them she chose veggies for the tribe over a plate of chocolate biscuits for herself and one other person. While everyone was quick to buy her story, Sam called shade and needled her in the hope that she’d break. He tried badgering, taking her on an old fashioned guilt trip and hot damn, Sharn is a queen.

My boy Jonathan made his triumphant return to the screen for this week’s immunity challenge where everyone would be required to hold a disc like the prayer-moji with a giant sack of weights suspended from the bottom with the last sack hanging, winning. Monika quickly dropped out as Shonella compulsively readjusted to stay in the challenge, tragically to no avail for Shonee who dropped and was followed quickly by Shane and Fenella. Sam became the first male to drop, followed quickly by Steve. After fifteen minutes Brian dropped, followed by Benji at twenty minutes, leaving Mat, Robbie and Sharn to fight it out. Everyone was struggling and hot damn, how did I only just find out Mat is missing the top of two of his fingers?! Anyway Robbie dropped, followed by Mat who offered to give Sharn immunity despite the fact that she was owning the challenge anyway – having half the allocated weight may have had something to do with that – and has now had it back-to-back.

Back at camp Benji was hoping to make his way back on top with Robbie – which I would obviously watch – while Mat was confident about the tribe banding together to get rid of Robbie, despite the fact that is another meatshield heading out of his game. Robbie approached Mat to see if anyone was throwing his name out, with Mat admitting that he was planning to vote him out. He then ran his mouth further, telling him it would be a split vote and as such, an idol won’t help. Benji decided to join the fray, aggressively checking whether they’d split the vote on him. He then pulled a tearful Robbie aside and vowed to do whatever he can to protect him.

With that, Benji approached Sharn to float the idea of taking out Mat first as he’s a far bigger threat and Robbie really has nothing going on. He then checked in with Shonee to see whether she and Fenella would be open to voting out Mat instead, as taking out the leader would cause the Champions to splinter and potentially give them other options. Shonella regrouped to talk options, unsure whether keeping Robbie around as a shield would be beneficial and whether they could hijack the split vote to get their own way. Robbie and Benji continued their attack, approaching Sam who was feeling well and truly left out. Given his vulnerable state, he was open to the plan and speculated whether now was the right time to make a move against Mat. Speaking of whom, Mat approached Benji as they were planning to head to tribal council to confirm that they would be voting for Robbie and that they would be interested in keeping Benji around if he joined them.

At tribal council Jonathan reminded everyone that while someone will be voted out tonight, they’d get the honour of becoming the King or Queen of the jury which is pretty much the next best thing. Benji agreed it made everything even more complex moving forward while Brian felt confident that he was making bonds to keep him in the game, and I assume, get some votes at the end. Sam spoke about the people on the bottom of alliances needing to flip eventually, while Robbie smugly smiled to himself. Mat tried to reiterate the importance of loyalty … before Robbie went in, pointing out how big of a threat Mat is and that he and Benji are free and ready to make a move. Monika agreed that people on the bottom would need to flip, but only if they could see the benefit of it for their game. Mat spoke about threats, Benji struggled to articulate what the vote meant to him, eventually spluttering out that he hopes to help people along as far as he can, smartly pretending he doesn’t think he can win. Robbie reiterated that he and his allies are willing numbers, if people want to make a move.

With that, Jonathan sent the tribe off to vote and he tragically discovered that he had no allies in the game, as the tribe banded together to take him out and make him the King of the Jury. Which I hope sees as increase in his nudity. While poor Robbie was gutted to find himself checking into the Jury Villa, my aforementioned and oft referenced too thirst kept me from pointing out that he only has himself to blame after sharing too much information and being hella obviously while painting a target on his back. Instead, I giggled like a school girl and madly tried to shake our beer cans so they’d spray all over us while we sat down for our a Clubbie Sandwicki or two.

 

 

Like Rob, these babies are stacked so full of meat that you’re left salivating and begging for more. And if said more is referencing more Survivor recipes, you’re in luck because hot damn this is a gangbang of franchises with NZ and US joining forces with us to serve a killer sandy-j.

Gangbang. Sandy-J. Robbie.

Enjoy!

 

 

Clubbie Sandwicki
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
olive oil
800g chicken breasts, sliced in half
8 rashers streaky bacon
12 slices Paige de Keragne, toasted
8 cos leaves, rinsed
2 tomatoes, thinly sliced
¼ cup Shayonnaise Swain
Jud Beerza Battered Fries, to serve

Method
Heat a lug of olive oil over medium heat and cook the chicken for 5 minutes each side, or until golden and cooked through. Remove from heat and keep warm while you fry the bacon in the same pan until crisp.

To assemble, place four slices of bread on a chopping board and smear over the mayo. Top with lettuce, bacon, tomato, chicken and another piece of bread. Smear with mayo and top with lettuce, bacon, tomato, chicken and the remaining bread. Secure sandwiches with toothpicks or something similar to maintain structural integrity.

Serve with fries and devour.

 

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Loadesiree Potatafuye

Main, Side, Snack, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor: Ghost Island, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, the end of the Chris v. Dom feud led to a unified Naviti splitting the vote between Michael and Libby to continue the desolation of Malolo. While Ozzy’s glowed up stick – not this NSFW one – saved Michael, poor Libby found herself heading out of the game and straight to the jury.

Given it was a rather straightforward tribal, we joined Lavita the next day with Dom telling Laurel about his dream from the previous night which featured a cameo from Martin Sheen – or maybe Michael TBH, I can’t remember – and a killer bacon and egg roll. While I would have loved to hear more about the dream and the BER, Des joined us to share that while the food situation is dire her experience being homeless set her up to deal with it. I’m a terrible person for caring more about the dream story, aren’t I? Des then joined Laurel, Donathand and Jenna to tell them that she was looking to make a move, put an end to Kellyn’s Naviti strong and take her out, followed by Wendell and Dom. While that is the best idea, she is telling Wendell and Dom’s closest ally and therefore it seems doomed to backfire.

Before we can hear more about her BIG MOOOOOVEEEESSSS, Probst returned to lord over yet another team reward challenge where they were required to have two people rescue the remaining members of their team, collect puzzle pieces and then, obvi, assemble said puzzle. Sebastian and Michael got the orange team out to an early lead and I noticed that Michael is once again wearing shorts instead of his holey jocks, making me yearn to see how large the holes are now. Anyway, Wendell is still rocking the jocks and I’m moister than an oyster. So anyway, the orange team of Sebastian, Michael, Chelsea, Kellyn and Jenna dominated while Donathan – who wasn’t selected – looked on and purple languished at sea. While purple did their best to close the gap, boy wonder Michael lead his team through the puzzle and to victory of a chopper ride and picnic. Once again, the victors couldn’t come to consensus about who to send to Ghost Island leaving the Survivor Gods to send Angela for a trip while they headed to the chopper.

Michael and Co arrived at the reward site, struggling to comprehend how epic their victory was and gave Michael the chance to find cracks in the majority. Which I hope for my lust’s sake, they listen to. While Chelsea and Sebastian were making him feel better, Kellyn was confident it was all a rouse and they were still – wait for it – Naviti strong. Meanwhile over at Ghost Island Angela was given the opportunity to play for an advantage and given she has the majority without her vote, she went for it. Sadly for her, she picked badly and finished with no vote at the next tribal which could screw her if a flip does happen.

Back at camp Laurel and Donathan decided they were better off sticking with Dom and Wendell, so went to them to share that the people on the bottom of the Naviti alliance were planning to flip on them ASAP. While Dom admitted it was in their best interests, he made quick work of putting out the fire by telling Kellyn that her closest allies wanted to kick her out at the next tribal council. She was mildly concerned that it was true, she felt confident enough to trust her gut that they would never turn on her.

Laurel and Donathan continued their dominance, encouraging Michael to go searching for yet another idol to try and ensure his safety. While Michael was a man on a mission, Donathan wanted to join him and then snatched it out from beneath him. Said idol was Scot’s Kaoh Rong idol which was cursed when Tai refused to join it with his idol to save him. As such, said idol was powerless unless Donathan could get the idol under the middle of the shelter to restore its power. He then returned to the shelter and with Laurel, Michael and Jenna’s help was able to distract the tribe long enough to make the grab and reverse the, yep, curse.

Probst returned for the next immunity challenge where the tribe was required to balance a ball on a disc suspended like two ropes, so you know Probst is going to have fun with ball puns. Wendell dropped almost instantly, I assume because his balls were covered by shorts. He was quickly followed by Jenna, Laurel, Des and Angela, before Michael proved adept at ball play and could keep it up. Not long after Donathan and Dom dropped out, followed by Michael just before the next section of the challenge. While the final three looked solid, Kellyn dropped soon after getting to the next stage before Sebastian couldn’t keep up his luck, dropping the ball and handing Chelsea victory. I think, since she is barely on screen.

After briefly congratulating Chelsea, Des celebrated the fact Kellyn didn’t win and got to work rallying the troops to take her out. Sadly Kellyn confronted Des and Chelsea about their potential flip assuming it was just a lie Laurel told Dom rather than the truth. Des then approached Laurel and the remaining Malolo members about her alleged lies to Dom to cover her tracks. Sadly for her, Donathan was also present for the conversation and quickly pointed out that it happened. Laurel and Dom reconvened, vowing the strong need to stick together and take Des out on the defensive. Dom then pulled in Michael, while Laurel and Jenna went to convince Kellyn that the conversation actually happened. Which she kinda did, despite still feeling it was too early to destroy the OG Naviti tribe. She then confronted Dom and accused him of starting an all male alliance with Michael which made me extremely confused as they headed off to tribal council.

At tribal council Des was quick to throw Des under the bus for causing all of the drama at camp. While she tried to deflect and make it seem like Laurel was making things up, Laurel, Donathan and Jenna joined Michael in completely dominating tribals and read Des for filth and called her out for all of her lies. While Chelsea was concerned about being thrown under the bus by Des’ plan, she had immunity and was kinda blase about the sitch. Michael was still feeling nervous about the upcoming vote since he is still on the bottom – I wish – while Donathan seethed about the fact no one was trusting them when it came to Des. Kellyn tried to channel her inner Jessica Jones and get to the truth while Des just seemed over sorting it out and just wanted to vote. Tragically for her that was a mistake as said vote resulted in her becoming the third member of the jury.

Poor Des was hella exasperated by the time she arrived at Ponderosa, though given the fact she was the one that spent the last 24 hours lying to save herself I was kinda confused. I mean, sure, be disappointed … but exasperation at people not buying your lie. I call sour grapes. Obvi I didn’t tell her this to her face, instead opting to hold her tight, let her cry through the pain and then cheer her back up with a Loadesiree Potatafuye.

 

 

While my primary school tuckshop referred to them as stuffed potatoes, there is nothing better than a loaded potato. I mean, how can you go wrong with a bed of gloriously baked potato stuffed full o’ – wait for it, waaaaaaiiiiit for iiiiiiit – all the fixin’s?

Enjoy!

 

 

Loadesiree Potatafuye
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
4 large potatoes
¼ cup sour cream
2 tbsp butter
¼ tsp smoked paprika
small handful of chives, roughly chopped
salt and pepper, to taste
4 shallots, roughly chopped
6 rashers streaky bacon, diced
1 cup vintage cheddar cheese, grated

Method
Preheat oven to 200°C.

Prick potatoes with mental skewer, wrap tightly in foil and place on a lined baking tray. Transfer to the oven and bake for an hour or so, or until soft.

Unwrap the potatoes and slice off the tops. Scoop out the flesh and mash in a large bowl with the sour cream, butter, paprika, chives and a good whack of salt and pepper. Stir through half the shallots, bacon and cheese and spoon the mixture back into the potatoes. Sprinkle with the remaining shallots, bacon and cheese, and transfer to the oven to bake for a further ten minutes, or until the cheese is golden and crisp.

Devour immediately. Full of glee.

 

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