Linda Perry Peri Chicken Pizza

Main, Pizza, Poultry, Street Food

What a difference a few days can make, right? After witnessing Glenn’s seventh and Amy’s sixth snubs – no matter how deserving the delightful Olivia and Regina are, it still stung – I started to rage about all the things this Oscars failed me on like Shallow muse Timothée Chalamet and my girls Dolly and Linda Perry getting snubbed.

By the time Linda arrived at my house I was in such a state, alternating between crying and screaming, that she had to pull me into her arms and hold me until I calmed down.

And thanks to her warm, loving friendship, I’ve been in a state of zen since.

I’ve known Linda for years and years, first meeting as teens in San Diego. Fun fact: she taught me that San Diego didn’t actually translate to mean whale’s vagina, which I passed on to Will Ferrell to use as a joke in Anchorman.

But anyway, she was always so patient and kind with me, despite my many foibles, so I jumped at the chance to move to San Francisco with her in the ‘80s and I of course, vowed to make her a star.

Given how insanely busy she has been recently, Linda and I haven’t spent as much time together as we would like, so it was wonderful to be able to just have time to reconnect. And smash a piping hot Linda Perry Peri Chicken Pizza.

 

 

A crunchy base, sweet tomatoes and the fiery spice of peri peri chicken work together to form the perfect pizza for warming up a surprisingly cold evening in Brisbane. FYI, it got down to 25°C.

Enjoy!

 

 

Linda Perry Peri Chicken Pizza
Serves: 2-6.

Ingredients
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
olive oil
2 chicken breasts, diced
½ cup peri peri sauce
⅓ cup passata
oregano and basil, roughly chopped, to taste
1 red onion, thinly sliced
1 cup baby spinach
200g cherry tomatoes, halved
mozzarella, to taste

Method
Prep the bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions.

Heat a lug of olive oil in a skillet and cook the diced chicken for five minutes or so, or until cooked through. Add the peri peri – more if needed – and cook for a further couple of minutes, or until well coated.

Preheat oven to 180°C.

Smear passata over the prepared bases, sprinkle of the herbs, onion, spinach, spicy chicken and cherry tomatoes, before blanketing – I mean, you don’t have to but who wouldn’t – in mozzarella.

Transfer to the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until bubbly and golden. Before devouring, thinking about how wrong it is that Lind and Doll still don’t have Oscars.

 

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Bobcorn Chicken Crowley

Main, Poultry, Side, Snack, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor: Gabon

We’re less than two weeks away from someone joining the Francesca Hogi Memorial First Boot Club – well technically, who knows with extinction in play – and as such it is high time to corral another Sole Survivor to drop by and celebrate.

Side note: can you believe I am one victor away from completing the winner’s circle? Well, two given Brian Heidik shoots puppies and will never appear here.

Anyway, given that our best shot is for this season to be an epic disaster that manages to be entertaining, I thought it was finally time to catch up with my dear friend Bob Crowley. Aka victor of one of the most chaotic and beautifully entertaining seasons of all time, Gabon.

While I didn’t know Bob until after his win, we became the best of friends as soon as Sugar introduced us. Some may say it was his out of the box buff wearing that saw him snatch my heart, and well, they are totally right. And that is why we’ve never fought a day after our beautiful friendship.

Despite being one vote away from being bested by Susie, Bob’s win is one of the greatest possible outcomes for a season as insane as Gabon. I mean, it would be like Angelina winning David vs. Goliath. Sure Matty dominated physically, the onions were nasty and Sugar controlled the game, Bob managed to find his footing against all odds, made a stunning fake idol and leveraged Sugar’s emotions to get to the end.

And if that isn’t worthy of a bowl of Bobcorn Chicken Crowley, I don’t know what is.

 

 

You know I love me some fried chicken slash take-away copycats, so this baby pretty much has it all. Spicy, crunchy itty-bitty pieces of chicken – the perfect way to feel like you’ve eaten less, while getting optimal batter to meat quantity. Perfection.

Enjoy!

 

 

Bobcorn Chicken Crowley
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
2 cups flour
⅔ tsp salt
½ tsp thyme
½ tsp basil
⅓ tsp oregano
1 tsp celery salt
1 tsp black pepper
1 tsp mustard powder
4 tsp paprika
2 tsp garlic salt
1 tsp ground ginger
3 tsp white pepper
500g chicken breast, cut into popcorn sized chunks
1 cup buttermilk
vegetable oil, for fryin’

Method
Combine the flour through white pepper in a large bowl and place the buttermilk in another. Toss the chicken through the buttermilk, then in the flour mixture to coat thoroughly.

Bring 1 inch deep oil to heat – around 180°C – in a large pot. Once shimmering with heat, add the chicken a handful of pieces at a time – size, not literally with your hands since the oil – and fry for about five minutes, or until golden, crisp and cooked through. Transfer to kitchen paper to drain slightly and repeat the process until done.

Devour immediately. With or without your fave sauce.

 

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Chicken Angelinguine Keeleek

Main, Pasta, Poultry, Survivor, Survivor: David vs. Goliath, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the final six battled it out for a combination immunity and reward challenge after Angelina almost died in pursuit of being the sole female to snatch one this season. Thankfully she lived long enough to share in Nick’s reward and a drunk Mike quickly figured out where said idol was, allowing her to snatch it. After that the tribe voted out Davie and a still-tipsy Mike’s request, before Nick snatched another immunity win and Angelina concocted a plan to embarrass Alison on the way out the door using the idol. We didn’t get to hear anyone’s take on her tribal council spectacle as we went straight to the final immunity challenge, where Nick secured the hat trick before dragging Angelina to the end and Hollywood player Mike winning the fire challenge and sending Kara to become the final member of the jury.

The next day the final three sat by the shore to watch the sun rise and celebrating making it to the end over breakfast. Angelina was still struggling to comprehend the fact she made it to the end, though was proud of herself for making it to the end and the way she has handled herself. Nick was proud of being an underdog that came from nothing which was mirrored in the game, almost being the first boot before slowly building relationships and making it to the end. Mike too was overwhelmed by making it to the end, proud of the game he played and leaving it all out on the island at his age. When he is used to the Hollywood life.

At tribal council Probst spoke about the fluidity of the gameplay this season and echoes Mike’s sentiments about storytelling and I am putting on my tinfoil hat, deciding it is sign Mike wins. With that the jury commenced their roundtable discussion with the outwit portion of the game as Elizabeth congratulated them on making the end before telling them to cut the crap and be honest for everyone. Christian asked them to articulate how they outwitted with Nick talking about his penchant for naming his two person alliances, though John sassed him for peaking when he voted him out and asked for more recent information which Mike called bullshit on when he explained he was sad that Carl and Davie were blindsided. John then asked for Mike to outline his game, which Angelina decided was her time to speak, talking about being public enemy number one before working her way through the game. And did you know she gave up immunity for rice? Well that reminder pissed off Davie.

After being shushed by Davie and told to move on, she handed the floor to Mike who explained he made so many relationships and that was his strength. Gabby questioned their lack of relationship, though congratulated him for getting rid of her as he couldn’t trust her. Alison asked him to apologise for being a dick when she was voted out – which he did – before he explained how he went back to his anxious, nerdy roots in the game and ultimately, he used it to his advantage to downplay his threat level. Nick jumped in and said he tried to do that, however ultimately had to play the game to survive. Gabby focused on the different treatment of women, Kara agreed and congratulated Mike for making it to the end.

Dan kicked off the outplay portion of the game, asking Mike how he contributed around camp. Mike completely shut him down, explaining her played to his strengths and also always gave it his all. Davie asked them to articulate how Nick and Angelina were a Goliath and David respectively, with Angelina focussing on her disastrous idol find. Alison then asked if the fake idol was to embarrass her, which she denied before Nick shut her down and told Alison it was definitely to embarrass her and show off to the jury. Nick then spoke about his Goliath ways when it came to challenges and puzzles,

Rounding things out Angelina spoke about her way outlasting the competition, hitting rock bottom on the island before rising to the challenge and being the most triumphant, battle-tested member of the final three. Nick spoke about being an underdog the entire game and talking about how his life experience – his mother died of a drug overdose leading to him working with addicts to avoid prison – galvanised him to make it to use every advantage he could find to take people out and survive one more day. Mike rounded things out talking about how he wasn’t scared being out on the island or being voted out, focusing on the journey rather than the win. Which was far more powerful than I made it sound, as Alison welled up.

With that the jury voted, John proud of Nick, Gabby started to cry, Christian shocked me and voted for Mike. None of them, however, voted for poor Angelina who landed in third place. While I loved her for the drama and for calling out the sexism that exists within Survivor – Dawn should have won Caramoan and don’t at me – her game was definitely flawed. I mean, she managed to go from being on the bottom, to finding a strong alliance and controlling the merge. But then decided to embarrass someone that knew they were getting booted on their way out the door, and that has more to do with her loss. Which I told her as we smashed a Chicken Angelinguine Keeleek together, huddled for warmth under my jacket.

 

 

Landing in third place can be a pretty depressing thing. You can argue that you were robbed if you were taken out in the final days, but third place means you were the worst option at final tribal. This I opted not to tell her, and focused on the comforting carby, creamy goodness of this pasta. And given how her mood quickly changed, I think that was a good choice.

Enjoy!

 

 

Chicken Angelinguine Keeleek
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
500g linguine
1 tbsp butter
1 tbsp olive oil
1 leek, sliced
3 garlic cloves, minced
500g chicken breast, sliced
2 tsp chilli flakes
300ml cream
1 lemon, juiced and zested
small handful tarragon, roughly chopped
salt and pepper, to taste
parmesan, to serve

Method
Get a pot of salted water on high heat and once boiling, cook as per the packet instructions.

Melt the butter and olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat and once foamy, add the leek and garlic and sweat for five minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the chicken and cook stirring for a further five minutes, or until browned. Add the chilli, cream, lemon juice and zest and tarragon, and cook for a further couple of minutes.

At this point the pasta should be done, so drain and add to the saucy pan, season and serve. Cover in parmesan and devour, thankful to be alive despite scaling the largest cliff in the southern hemisphere without any support.

 

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Pizzalia BBoqa Chicken

Main, Pizza, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor: David vs. Goliath, TV Recap

Seconds ago on Survivor the David tribe were shocked to discover Jeremy had been voted out of the game over, I assume, Queen Natalie when they filed in for the latest challenge. Before that could happen however, before Bi announced to everyone that she would be following Jeremy out the duo due to her sprained MCL. With that, Probst sent her to the water’s edge to await a boat and classed her departure as a quit.

While Bi awkwardly hung around out of shot waiting for her boat, Probst announced that sike, it isn’t a challenge, instead the tribes will be switching things up, once again adding a third green tribe to join the orange and purple OG tribes. Davie was thrilled at the turn of events, while everyone else looked to be a combination of fear and shock. As everyone unveiled their new buffs, Carl discovered that he didn’t have one which appeared to anger him more than anything else. The new David tribe now goes by Vuku and consists of Davie, Elizabeth, Alec, Natalia and Kara, much to Dan’s chagrin. Speaking of Dan, he is on the newly formed Tiva tribe with Christian, Gabby, Alison and John while the Goliath tribe is changing its name to Jabeni and is made up of Natalie, Mike, Angelina, Nick and Lyrsa. Carl, of course, is going to exile island and will join whichever tribe loses the next immunity.

We followed the new Vuku tribe back to camp where Alec, Natalia and Kara were delighted to see that the plebs had managed to build themselves a killer camp. The all introduced themselves and played nice, though Davie was stressed about the fact that all of the new tribes have a minority of Davids. He then tried to make his first white friend – his words, not mine – in the form of Alec to try and find a crack, while Elizabeth worked overtime to find some common ground with Kara and Natalia. Given she and Kara have a horse bond, Natalia started to get super nervous and was paranoid that Kara would jump ship to her pony pal Liz. The three Goliaths connected though and assured each other that they wouldn’t be stupid enough to turn on each other. Which is totally happening, right?

Poor Carl arrived at Exile Island, lamenting how alone he is. Well, until he discovered a note, promising an advantage hidden in a coconut by the shore. With that, he was off, running through the rocky waves to find a marked coconut, unaware that its actually safely resting on the shore. He discovered that he is the first owner – in the US – of the idol nullifier, which he can play as everyone votes. If he plays it on a person that tries to play their idol, its power is null and void and they will be voted out of the game.

Mike was not loving life on the new Jabeni tribe, given they’re probably the five weakest people in the game. Though he was positive about the fact he’ll go to tribal a lot, which is good. Natalie however was not feeling it, forgoing introductions with Nick and Lyrsa and instead barking orders at people to get the camp sorted whilst sitting in her throne. Her attitude filled Lyrsa and Nick with hope, given Mike and Angelina are clearly over it. Nick approached Mike about forming an alliance and hot damn, I love the idea. Particularly since Mike was cool with naming their alliance the rock stars in honour of Ned Schneebly.

Last but not least we checked in with the new Tiva tribe who were starting from scratch. Dan and John were doing the lion’s share of the work, however coached Christian in how to chop wood. Christian then got answers to the demographics of slam town, conducting an impromptu census and damn I need them to go to the end together. Christian’s new bro-bonds started to make Gabby feel insecure, worried about being the odd one out and the obvious first target. She broke down to Christian, who gave her a peptalk and damn, add her to the final three with the Slamtown local government and I’ll be a happy man.

My boy Jeffrey returned for the first three-way immunity challenge of the season where two blindfolded members of each tribe would be required to wheel a caller through a series of obstacles to retrieve a ball, which the remaining two blindfolded tribemates would use to solve a table maze for immunity. Better still the first place tribe get a series of brownies, pastries and coffee. Gabby guided the Tiva tribe to an early lead, while Vuku and Jabeni struggled. I then noticed the George Bushy of Tushy’s tushy and damn, I’m moister than an oyster. Tiva started working on the table maze while Kara guided Vuku into second place, while Angelina and Natalie wheeled around in last place. While Vuku started to close the gap, Tiva snagged immunity and reward while Angelina, Mike and Lyrsa pulled off a miracle, overtaking and snatching immunity – just – sending Vuku to tribal council.

Back at camp Elizabeth was feeling extremely nervous due to being in the minority. She pulled Davie aside and told him to come and help her search for an idol to save themselves, unaware that Davie in fact has the idol. Elizabeth was hoping to use the hypothetically idol to take out Natalia, however Davie felt that the Goliaths were solid and wouldn’t turn on each other. As such, he approached Kara and Natalia and spilled all of Elizabeth’s plans to hopefully get them to get rid of her over him. This angered Natalia as she was already feeling like Elizabeth was trying to snatch her bestie Kara from her, so she was all in on taking her out.

Speaking of Elizabeth, she approached Alec to encourage him that now is the perfect time to on its head and build his resume. She reminded him that the Goliaths will be hard to work through, so flipping to her and the Davids would give him a better path to get to the end. Alec was smart enough to know that turning on his allies would send a dangerous message to the other tribe, leaving her to agree to take out Davie instead. She may be playing the sweet country girl, but Elizabeth is a smart player and knows when to pick her battles.

Alec took this plan back to Kara and Natalia, selling Davie as the bigger threat. Natalia had zero interest in submitting to his opinion, wanting to get rid of Elizabeth and then going between Alec, Kara and Davie to get them to pledge their loyalty to her and guarantee their votes. This made Alec even more annoyed, since bullying Davie wasn’t even necessary for them to get their way at tribal. This made Davie realise that they aren’t in fact as tight as he thought, so he too approached Alec to join him and Elizabeth to take out Natalia. While he wasn’t committal, they agreed to make eye contact if they want to flip at tribal which seems fraught with disaster.

At tribal council they were joined by Carl who would watch tribal before joining the tribe after the vote. Natalia quickly assured Probst that one of the Davids would be going home, with Elizabeth agreeing that she was pooping her pants with nerves at tribal while Davie said he was nervous before throwing her under the bus as a JIC. Natalia angered Alec by saying the game is afoot before saying she’d be happy going home tonight if it means she went out guns blazing. Elizabeth continued to play to Alec, talking about big moves with Natalia unwittingly joining her saying that they are necessary but timing is important. This prompted Alec to get up and start whispering to Elizabeth, pissing off Natalia who demanded to know what they were talking about. Alec simply mentioned he wanted to make sure they were on the same page.

While Kara was cool with that explanation and was confident they were still together, Natalia was not and continued to antagonise him. Alec assured Kara he wasn’t flipping, she assured Natalia they weren’t flipping, however Natalia looked nervous and assumed Kara was turning on her. With that the confused tribe voted, Davie opted against playing his idol and Natalia was shocked to see herself becoming the fifth boot. She rivaled Michaela with her rage, glaring at Alec, telling him to shut up and getting confused about where to place her torch. After it was snuffed she yelled at Kara asking if she knew – she didn’t – before telling Alec to stop smiling before stopping and tripping her way out of tribal and into Loser Lodge.

She was pissed by the time she arrived. I mean, Summer Roberts rage-blackouting over Alec turning on her and the vague scent of doughy Italian emanating from the oven.

“Is that pizza? Did you f&^%$&g cook me pizza, despite knowing it is proven to curse players?!”

Yep – once again my pizza curse has struck, ruining her game like Liz, Nick, Bianca, Sam, Taylor, Lou, Jack, Michelle, Tara, Roark, Jessica, Gonzalez, Brendan, Steph, Karla, Liam and Jess before her (relax remaining 37’ers, you’re not cursed). Though when they taste as good as my Pizzalia BBoqa Chicken, she really can’t complain. Well, too much at least.

 

 

Pillowy dough and gooey cheese sandwiching the glory of sweet, shredded chicken and just soft onions are almost enough to distract from the saltiness that comes with a brutal blindside.

Almost.

Enjoy!

 

 

Pizzalia BBoqa Chicken
Serves: 2-6.

Ingredients
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
½ cup passata
a small handful of fresh Italian herbs, roughly chopped
2 chicken breasts, cooked and shredded
½-1 cup BBQ sauce
1 red onion, sliced
cheddar and mozzarella, to taste

Method
Prep the bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions.

Preheat oven to 180°C.

Smear the bases with passata and herbs. Toss the chicken through the BBQ sauce and scatter over the base with the sliced onion and top with the cheese.

Transfer to the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until bubbly and golden.

Devour immediately, terrified to think that this curse just won’t reverse.

 

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Brian Lakesa

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders, Main, Soup, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor 11 champions, 1 dud-Survivor player and 12 contenders faced off in an epic battle between underdogs and champions before Matt, Russell, Damien, Steve K, Jenna, Moana, Anita, Zach, Paige, Jackie, Tegan, HeathLydia, Robbie, Mat, Sam, Benji, SteveFenella and Monika were voted out. The final four rejoiced in making it as far as they did, though Brian vowed to get revenge on Shonee. Tragically Brian managed to take out immunity after literally everyone dropped their stack, leaving the Shhhhhhs to turn on each other, and Brian as Shonee’s only hope. Try as she might to convince Shane and Sharn to turn on each other to avoid making fire, the Champion women held strong and poor Queen Shonee was brutally taken from us in fourth place, leaving Brian, Sharn and Shane to battle it out for the win.

The final three kicked off the next day with a walk past the torches of all their fallen comrades, with Shane feeling misty about how well she has played and how much she loves the game. She then reminded us she is an icon, and in lieu of Shonella winning, this has to be Shane’s game. Brian spoke about feeling lost after retiring from AFL and that Survivor gave him the chance to clear his head and find out what is important to him, which hits waaaaaay too close to home. Sharn too was proud of her performance, though desperate to make it to the end and do what she does best, close out the case.

They finally ran into Jonathan on the shore where he announced that they would each get a cheer squad for the final immunity challenge. Sharn broke down as her entire family was brought out to visit before casually introducing them to Shane ‘don’t fuck with me’ Gould and Brian. Shane’s husband swaggered out from behind the bushes and damn, I love him too, as they hugged and Shane simply shared how fucking hard it was and that she wanted to kiss him. Jonathan then made Brian cry, offering him the chance to return his daughter’s bunny to her as he brought her, his son and wife out to visit. He then spoke about having a renewed focus of what is important to him, and damn, my cold dead heart is warming up.

Jonathan then explained that the final three would hold on to an idol on top of a pole, bobbing in the middle of the ocean, with the last person standing without removing a hand or foot, would win final immunity and decide who they’ll face off against at final tribal. Brain, Shane and Sharn made their way out to their perches, mounted the pedestals and grabbed their idols. As is oft the case, this isn’t really the most thrilling challenge to write about so after 78 minutes, Shane opted out of the challenge – I assume to pash her husband – leaving Sharn and Brian to battle it out. Though given Sharn looked like a statue and Brian was clearly struggling, it didn’t seem like much of an even fight. After almost two hours Brian tried to even things up, heckling Sharn and making her so confused he could potentially back her into a final two deal. When that didn’t work, he dared her to take him to final tribal which is sadly his only hope after he let go of the idol to take his hat off, handing Sharn final immunity. Making it even worse for Grub, it was his wife that dobbed him in after Jonathan missed him dropping. Poor Brian then broke down about his lapse in concentration, and damn I am finding him way too relatable tonight.

At tribal council Jonathan praised Sharn on winning her fourth immunity challenge before checking in with the losers, with Mat and Steve delighted in Shane lasting as long as she did in the challenge. Sharn admitted to being unsure who was the better option to take, as sticking with loyalty is less of a guaranteed win than going up against Brian, who the jury appear to hate. Shane reminded Sharn that she fought hard and played a sneaky game, though was loyal and played with integrity. Brian said that he had played the better game and as such, he should be taken to the final two … which is kinda not the best argument, though Sharn is totally the kind of person that would buy into beat the best to be the best. After more back and forth between Shane and Brian, Sharn went to cast the sole vote and sent Brain to the jury.

Poor King Grub was pretty disappointed when he arrived at the Jury Villa after dominating the game following Mat’s blindside. Though given that literally happened to everyone that assumed power of the course of the season, he quickly moved on and happily sat down to a soothing, spicy Brian Lakesa.

 

 

Packing as bigger punch as one may allegedly throw in Japan, this laksa is the perfect thing to take away the burn of becoming the final boot. Creaminess, spice and all things nice, you can help but slurp it down joyfully. Despite being crushed to lose.

Enjoy!

 

 

Brian Lakesa
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
vegetable oil
⅓ cup laksa paste (don’t judge me using the jar, we’re feuding)
2 red chillies, sliced
3 shallots, sliced
400ml coconut milk
1.5L chicken stock
1 tbsp fish sauce
2 kaffir lime leaves
800g chicken breasts, diced
200g flat rice noodles, cooked per packet instructions
coriander leaves, shallots and sliced red chilli, to serve

Method
Heat a lug of oil in a large pan and cook the laksa paste for about five minutes, or until uber fragrant. Add the chillies and shallots, and cook for a further minute before slowing pouring in the coconut milk, while continuously stirring. Once combined, add the stock, fish sauce and kaffir lime leaves, and bring to the boil.

Once rollicking, add the diced chicken, reduce heat to medium and simmer, stirring occasionally, for about ten minutes, or until the chicken is cooked through.

To serve, place a mound of noodles in the bottom of four bowls, spoon over the laksa and garnish with the coriander and extra shallots and chilli.

Slurp it up, immediately.

 

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Clubbie Sandwicki

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders, Main, Snack, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the Champions and Contenders were no more as the tribes merged, reuniting Shonella and Sharn and Lydia with their fellow Champions. Though not that Mat cared, given they allied with Benji and Robbie in his absence. Things only got worse for the duo as Shane pulled out of the immunity challenge and used that time to rally the troops against blindsiding Lydia. Which she executed to perfection, with Benji and Robbie once again left in the dark.

We returned to Koro Savu the next day where Shonee was continuing her helpful kick, starting fire and keeping Fenella like the queen that she is. Though given she is just grateful to have Fenella back – aka the only person she likes – she is willing to look after her. They then laughed about their ability to float through the game, find cracks and hot damn I want to be their bestie.

The clothed duo of Benji and Robbie were sulking by the shore, worried about what being left out on the Lydia vote means for them. Benji continued his streak of being wrong, identifying Mat as the one in charge and vowing to get his revenge. Completely unaware that Queen Shane is the icon in charge. To Mat’s credit, he knew the boys were pissed and approached them to tell them that Shane spearheaded the move and he had no other option. However once again, Benji chose to be wrong and decided it was a complete lie. Continuing his delusions of grandeur, Benji decided to cause chaos and paint a Survivor masterpiece. He kicked that off by reminding us that Monika is on the island, approaching her about forming an alliance over pawpaws. Which is a shitty omen, given pawpaws are foul.

Sharn too was still smarting about the outcome of the previous tribal council. Knowing she needed to lock in some backup options, she connected with Benji to see whether they were still good. Obviously they still were because Sharn is another dominant queen and is friendly with everyone. Meanwhile Mat and Steve were overcome with some paranoia by the shore, with zaddy Steve concerned about everyone turning on them now that Lydia is gone. Which is totally what is happening in the next few tribals, right? They checked in with Sharn who once again assured them everything was ok and that they could take out Robbie or Benji next.

Robbie and Fenella interrupted the plotting by returning to camp with an ominous note telling them to select one person to go up the path and make a decision for the tribe. Given everyone loves and trusts Sharn, they chose her and she was faced with the decision to take a huge bag or veggies … or a smaller one, an advantage at the next immunity challenge. While she debated about doing the right thing, she did the right thing for her game and selected the advantage, meaning she would only have to hold half the weight required at the challenge.

She returned to camp and told them she chose veggies for the tribe over a plate of chocolate biscuits for herself and one other person. While everyone was quick to buy her story, Sam called shade and needled her in the hope that she’d break. He tried badgering, taking her on an old fashioned guilt trip and hot damn, Sharn is a queen.

My boy Jonathan made his triumphant return to the screen for this week’s immunity challenge where everyone would be required to hold a disc like the prayer-moji with a giant sack of weights suspended from the bottom with the last sack hanging, winning. Monika quickly dropped out as Shonella compulsively readjusted to stay in the challenge, tragically to no avail for Shonee who dropped and was followed quickly by Shane and Fenella. Sam became the first male to drop, followed quickly by Steve. After fifteen minutes Brian dropped, followed by Benji at twenty minutes, leaving Mat, Robbie and Sharn to fight it out. Everyone was struggling and hot damn, how did I only just find out Mat is missing the top of two of his fingers?! Anyway Robbie dropped, followed by Mat who offered to give Sharn immunity despite the fact that she was owning the challenge anyway – having half the allocated weight may have had something to do with that – and has now had it back-to-back.

Back at camp Benji was hoping to make his way back on top with Robbie – which I would obviously watch – while Mat was confident about the tribe banding together to get rid of Robbie, despite the fact that is another meatshield heading out of his game. Robbie approached Mat to see if anyone was throwing his name out, with Mat admitting that he was planning to vote him out. He then ran his mouth further, telling him it would be a split vote and as such, an idol won’t help. Benji decided to join the fray, aggressively checking whether they’d split the vote on him. He then pulled a tearful Robbie aside and vowed to do whatever he can to protect him.

With that, Benji approached Sharn to float the idea of taking out Mat first as he’s a far bigger threat and Robbie really has nothing going on. He then checked in with Shonee to see whether she and Fenella would be open to voting out Mat instead, as taking out the leader would cause the Champions to splinter and potentially give them other options. Shonella regrouped to talk options, unsure whether keeping Robbie around as a shield would be beneficial and whether they could hijack the split vote to get their own way. Robbie and Benji continued their attack, approaching Sam who was feeling well and truly left out. Given his vulnerable state, he was open to the plan and speculated whether now was the right time to make a move against Mat. Speaking of whom, Mat approached Benji as they were planning to head to tribal council to confirm that they would be voting for Robbie and that they would be interested in keeping Benji around if he joined them.

At tribal council Jonathan reminded everyone that while someone will be voted out tonight, they’d get the honour of becoming the King or Queen of the jury which is pretty much the next best thing. Benji agreed it made everything even more complex moving forward while Brian felt confident that he was making bonds to keep him in the game, and I assume, get some votes at the end. Sam spoke about the people on the bottom of alliances needing to flip eventually, while Robbie smugly smiled to himself. Mat tried to reiterate the importance of loyalty … before Robbie went in, pointing out how big of a threat Mat is and that he and Benji are free and ready to make a move. Monika agreed that people on the bottom would need to flip, but only if they could see the benefit of it for their game. Mat spoke about threats, Benji struggled to articulate what the vote meant to him, eventually spluttering out that he hopes to help people along as far as he can, smartly pretending he doesn’t think he can win. Robbie reiterated that he and his allies are willing numbers, if people want to make a move.

With that, Jonathan sent the tribe off to vote and he tragically discovered that he had no allies in the game, as the tribe banded together to take him out and make him the King of the Jury. Which I hope sees as increase in his nudity. While poor Robbie was gutted to find himself checking into the Jury Villa, my aforementioned and oft referenced too thirst kept me from pointing out that he only has himself to blame after sharing too much information and being hella obviously while painting a target on his back. Instead, I giggled like a school girl and madly tried to shake our beer cans so they’d spray all over us while we sat down for our a Clubbie Sandwicki or two.

 

 

Like Rob, these babies are stacked so full of meat that you’re left salivating and begging for more. And if said more is referencing more Survivor recipes, you’re in luck because hot damn this is a gangbang of franchises with NZ and US joining forces with us to serve a killer sandy-j.

Gangbang. Sandy-J. Robbie.

Enjoy!

 

 

Clubbie Sandwicki
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
olive oil
800g chicken breasts, sliced in half
8 rashers streaky bacon
12 slices Paige de Keragne, toasted
8 cos leaves, rinsed
2 tomatoes, thinly sliced
¼ cup Shayonnaise Swain
Jud Beerza Battered Fries, to serve

Method
Heat a lug of olive oil over medium heat and cook the chicken for 5 minutes each side, or until golden and cooked through. Remove from heat and keep warm while you fry the bacon in the same pan until crisp.

To assemble, place four slices of bread on a chopping board and smear over the mayo. Top with lettuce, bacon, tomato, chicken and another piece of bread. Smear with mayo and top with lettuce, bacon, tomato, chicken and the remaining bread. Secure sandwiches with toothpicks or something similar to maintain structural integrity.

Serve with fries and devour.

 

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Chicken Tetrarazzini Thorowgood

Main, Pasta, Poultry, Survivor NZ, Survivor NZ: Thailand, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor New Zealand, Lisa’s epic 3-2-1 caused chaos for Tess and Adam’s friendship as the former raged against the latter for voting for her as he assumed there was no hope. Thankfully all was forgiven after she won the reward challenge and shared it with Adam, moving past the (technically unsuccessful) slight and turning their attentions to getting Lisa – aka the undisputed queen and actual threat – out of the game. Sadly for them Dave and Tara held strong and sent Zadam from the game, and the queen stays queen, so to speak.

Back at camp Tess was once again feeling the sads upon her return from tribal council, though since she lost her best friend slash closet ally I’ll give her a pass. Everyone joined to discuss the massive blow up between Adam and Lisa at tribal, with Lisa concerned that it will cost her the game and Tess hopeful that despite being blindsided week after week, Adam’s influence on the jury will hand her an undeserved win. And since they keep hyping what is happening at the Jury Villa, me thinks it may tragically come to fruition.

The next day Dave worked to gut a fish and I am honestly struggling to keep down my dinner, so I’m glad we quickly pivoted to see Lisa. Well until she spoke about the fact she is shocked people are trusting her. This was followed by Tess talking about being confident in her chances of swaying Tara or Dave to her side, and Tara talking about being disappointed that Lisa has lied to her … and now I want to vom at the thought of Queen Lisa not winning.

Before I can actually blow chunks – which I feel like is a direct quote from Matt way back when Zadam and Kaysha vommed in ep 2 and contestant Matt flashed his buns – Matt arrived for the final reward challenge. The challenge required everyone to build plank bridges between two platforms and collecting puzzle pieces which they use to complete a table maze and landing balls in a hole. My fave pastime. Desperate to enjoy a night away in a hotel, Tara got out to an early lead with Dav, as is oft the case, coming in second. Once again a puzzle proved to be Tara’s undoing, as everyone overtook her and Dave won his first challenge … without using an advantage. He was then given the chance to pick someone to go with him, surprisingly choosing Tara. Though it was to ensure Tess couldn’t scramble, so well played Dave.

Dave pulled Tess aside before departing for his reward to find out what her final three plans were, vowing that he will vote with her for whoever she wants if she wins the next immunity challenge. And while she could see right through it, she had no other options so agreed to boot Tara with him if he wins and went on their jolly ways. His a bit jollier, as he and Tara were collected to go enjoy their luxury hotel digs. Which TBH didn’t look that luxury, but maybe I am a snob? After a quick tour of their digs they made their way to the pool before discussing who was the biggest threat moving into the final three. With both of them looking to be unshakeable in their support for Lisa. Thank fuck.

Tara returned to camp rejuvenated while poor Dave wasn’t able to sleep as he couldn’t stop thinking about losing the next immunity challenge. Tara and Lisa spoke about the importance of one of their alliance taking out immunity, Dave said that a Tess win screws them all and Tess said winning is her only option. As such Matt returned for the final immunity challenge, where the final four would each have to hang upside down on a pole for as long as possible. Lisa was the first out after 12 minutes, followed closely by Tara leaving Dave as their alliance’s only hope. Despite being bitten by a wasp early on Dave battled it out for well over an hour … before dropping out, handing Tess immunity and keeping his tradition of coming second right up until the end.

Back at camp Tess was ecstatic to have taken out immunity, while the remaining three got to work scrambling. Tess pulled Tara aside to talk about who to take out, with Tess preferring to get rid of Dave as the biggest threat. Tara shared that there was no way she could vote against Dave, shocking Tess as it meant Tara could only vote for her closest ally Lisa. With the other two away, Dave and Lisa discussed who would be their most likely target with both of them assuming they were on their way out. Tara returned and Dave joined Tess to talk about options, with Tess being cagey and Dave getting super edgy and angry, which is awks since Tess has all the power. Rounding things out, Tess and Lisa got together to discuss options with Lisa pushing Dave as the biggest threat to throw the scent off of her. Out of nowhere, Tara seemed to come up with a plan to blindside Tess and vote herself out of the game and TBH, I am super confused as they head off for tribal.

At tribal council the jury were delighted to see Tess wearing immunity, who herself admitted that she was super proud of making it to the end. Lisa was once again in the hot seat, saying she was glad that she Adam cleared the air at the previous tribal and she hoped that people would focus on game if she makes it to the end. Dave spoke about the ever evolving nature of the game, Tess tried to figure out who she could beat while Tara tried to play things super cagey. Lisa said she was feeling fairly confident in those that she trusts while Tara looked super awkward when she spoke about not throwing in the towel, much to the rage in Matt’s eyes. The votes rolled in and Matt’s rage started to make sense as Tara orchestrated her own boot, blindsiding Tess one final time.

I was quite bamboozled when Tara arrived at the Jury Villa, unsure why she threw away a shot at the prize for her friends. I mean, sure, she knew that she had no shot at said prize, but damn – that is wild. And I guess for that, I’ve got to be impressed. As such I whipped her up a Chicken Tetrarazzini Thorowgood and toasted to her giving the deserving winner the chance to argue for the crown.

 

 

After thirty-eight days out on an island, there is nothing more enticing than carbs. Or dairy. Or hunks of chicken. Add them all together, and you’ve got this glorious American bake. Gooey and hearty, it is the perfect thing to perk you up for the final tribal council. Which you quit to avoid.

For some reason. Which I am grateful for.

Enjoy!

 

 

Chicken Tetrarazzini Thorowgood
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
olive oil
500g chicken breast, diced
¼ cup butter
500g button mushrooms, sliced
1 cup frozen peas, defrosted
½ cup flour
salt and pepper, to taste
3 cups milk
2 cups chicken stock
1 cup dry vermouth
3 cups parmesan cheese, grated
2 tsp thyme leaves
1 tsp chilli flakes
500g linguine, cut in half and cooked as per packet instructions

Method
Preheat oven to 180C and bring a large pot of water to the boil for the pasta.

In a second large pot, heat a lug of oil over medium heat and cook the chicken for five minutes, or until browned. Add the butter, mushrooms and peas and cook until the mushroom is tender. Stir through the flour and a good whack of salt and pepper, and cook for a minute or so. Remove from the meat and stir through the milk, stock and vermouth. Return to the heat and bring to the boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer for five minutes or so, or until starting to thicken. Remove from the heat and stir through 2 cups of parmesan, and the thyme and chilli.

Once the pasta is cook, stir it through the pan, transfer to a baking dish and top with the remaining cheese. Transfer to the oven to bake for half an hour, or until golden.

Devour immediately.

 

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Chicken, Brocolliam and Snosepeas Pizza

Main, Pizza, Poultry, Snack, Survivor NZ, Survivor NZ: Thailand, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor New Zealand, Matty boy took us all the way back to when they were marooning 18 Kiwi castaways on an island half way between Thailand and Myanmar where Dave saw Matt one of his best mates from school. Chani went on a losing streak, seeing Jose, Karla and Frankie exit the game back to back to back, the latter because she got too paranoid about Eve owning the hidden immunity idol. Last week Arun and Josh formed an alliance at the Outpost before Khangkhaw threw the challenge and – gag of the season – kept Dylan and booted Kaysha from the game … without looping Tara or Lisa in.

As such you just know a swap is afoot, no?

Back at Khangkhaw Dylan was still trying to process the fact he was still in the game and awkwardly tried to find anyone to talk to. On the flipside Matt was thrilled that his plan when off without a hitch because as much as he liked Kaysha, he knew she was more threatening and therefore needed to go. Sassy Dylan gave everyone a chance to verbalise any of their issues with him after tribal, with Tara offended that he threw her name out there while also being frustrated by being left out of the vote. Sooooo … hopeful she is feeling nice and scorned just ahead of that swap.

Chani awoke the next day, still appearing blissed out after avoiding tribal. Liam in particular is riding high, pottering around camp and making it feel more like home. Eve too enjoyed the time off, though was still worried about the fact everyone knows about her idol and that target could definitely come back to hurt her. Meanwhile Tess and Tara were enjoying fishing while Brad and Zadam chatted about Dylan being an outsider while the poor guy sat by himself and wished for that swap knowing he’ll be booted without one.

As such Matty Chis re-appeared for the reward challenge where Chani were shocked to see that Kaysha was booted before Matty finally acknowledged the horrific vagicide … AND THE FACT IT IS TIME FOR A TRIBE SWAP! What a damn surprise?! While it was telegraphed for the first fifteen minutes, let’s focus on the fact the had to body paint their way to divide into their tribes and that may get us some male skin. Wait, no – no one did an Ozzy. Anyway, new Khangkhaw was made up of Eve, Tess, Lisa, JT, Liam, Brad and Tara while Renee was the sole female on Chani with Dylan, Dave, Matt, Josh, Adam and Arun. Which Josh and Arun were thrilled about since they made an alliance on the outpost and Matt and Dave since they were best friends in school.

Anyway, we’ve got a reward to deal with which saw two members of each tribe forced to hold a pole on a platform, then get spun around as someone else grabs a rope off the base and runs it back to the start. They each then have to walk over a balance beam – dizzy as hell – and then join their tribe in getting between two points without touching the ground. Like the iconic time Sierra Dawn-Thomas lead her team to victory in Worlds Apart via barrel rolling. Given it was for comfort, peanut butter and flour though, it is well worth it.

Liam and Dave were neck and neck spinning Tess and Matt around super fast, so fast in fact, that the pole snapped right off Tess’s disc and flung her into the ground and appeared to break her neck. As is oft the case in Survivor NZ, the medics were called and while she looked concussed, paralysed and her buff flew clear off her head when she rag-dolled, she was given the all clear and allowed to continue. Sadly the same could not be said for the disc portion of the challenge, with it axed and the tribes minus Tess and Adam forced to work on the second portion of the challenge. While new Chani got out to an early lead Khangkhaw closed the gap and snatched victory for their tribe, giving Tess a pillow to lay her concussed head on.

We followed new Khangkhaw back to camp where Chani were thrilled to see what island luxury looks like, and JT excited to idol out one of the OGs. The knock to Tess’ head seemed to make her kinder to outsiders, telling Eve, JT and Liam that she was thrilled to have them in her life. On the flipside, Liam was hella nervous despite being the most useful and least threatening member of the ex-Chanis. Though given Eve left the damn idol back at Chani, maybe he is right to feel nervous. Meanwhile new Chani arrived at their camp where literally only Dylan seemed excited, since he is now the swing vote and their appears to be more food. Dave ran away from his tribe to snatch Eve’s idol before anyone noticed, before Josh shard how nervous he was despite having multiple connections and being physical. Arun being Arun offered to grab everyone water, before Dylan latched straight on to him, spilled the tea and all but signed his life over to Chani.

Matt Chis that cheeky devil called Eve away from camp to see a medic despite feeling fine … because he was dropping her idol off thanks to Dave. And by dropping off, giving her the option to gift it to someone back at new Chani or keep it for herself. Which she obviously kept for herself because she isn’t stupid.

New Chani sang Dave happy birthday before he and Matt found themselves a quiet spot to reconnect, which isn’t as good as it sounds. Instead of the fan-fic running through my head, Matt spilled all the Khangkhaw tea to Dave and then shared that he thinks he saw JT grab the idol at the challenge. Which he didn’t, but well played Matt. Meanwhile Brad was feeling confident in his place in the tribe, thinking he’d easily be able to get Tara and Lisa back on side. Well, until the ex-Chani members wanted to hear the post-tribal goss which only highlighted the fact they were left right out. As such, Brad pulled Lisa aside to make sure they were still tight and then locked in JT as the boot, should they lose the next challenge. Tara and Tess then caught up with Tara deciding it was important to stick together, despite not really trusting them. Lisa pulled Liam aside to see if he was ok, sensing he was upset about the tribe swap. They then bonded by the fire and had a chat, though it didn’t appear to touch on gameplay. But I ship the shit out of them.

The first immunity challenge as new tribes rolled around where Khangkhaw spoke about their glorious camp, while poor Chani could only counter that their camp was flat. That says it all, really. Anyway, two at a time people swam out to a suspended cage to release fish traps holding puzzle pieces. Chani got out to a huge lead thanks to Adam and Matt which Arun and Dave maintained despite Lisa and Liam’s best attempts. Brad and Tara continued to close the gap for Khangkhaw, though they were no match for Renee and Josh handing Dylan a handy lead on the puzzle over JT. Which he put to good use as her secured immunity for Chani and TBH, saved himself from certain doom.

We followed Chani back to camp with Dylan thrilled to have secured victory for the tribe, pissing off Adam who felt it was a lucky victory and it all came down to the lead they gave him. Side note: just fuck already, because the tension is making Dylan the good guy. The sexual tension was cut by the speculation about who would get the boot with Arun hoping for a big Khangkhaw name, with them agreeing that it depends on whether they’re playing a long game or a short game. And that booting Brad would mean certain doom for them.

Back at Khangkhaw Liam was concerned about their survival while JT tried to make inroads with Lisa. Brad and Tess and hooked up to look in a plan, concerned that JT has an idol – thanks to Matt’s bad intel. Liam started scrambling, approaching Brad to see if there are any cracks in the alliance before Brad hinted that they think JT has an idol, and as such Liam or Eve are in danger. Liam briefly considered flipping to Khangkhaw  but was too damn kind, so instead headed back to JT and Eve to share that they know about the idol giving them the idea to pretend JT does have the idol and attract the votes to Eve or Liam to give them a better chance of playing it correctly. As a back-up Eve and Liam approached Tess, who also didn’t give anything away making them unsure of who to play the idol on.

At tribal council Matt quickly got everyone to admit that despite becoming a new tribe, they were still split right down the middle. Tara defended themselves by saying that while they wouldn’t like that, when you don’t know them you can only base your decisions on numbers. JT tried to pretend he was lying about not having an idol which Tess and Brad fell for hook, line and sinker, before Lisa threw out a reference to being honourable to distract from her killer game thus far and JT said that he has always done what he said he would at tribal. Which TBH, is way to vague to save himself just before they headed off to vote. Thankfully for him though, Eve opted to play her idol for herself and his bluffing worked as poor, sweet Liam was voted from the game.

Given he is such a positive, delight, Liam wasn’t too annoyed to be the first victim of the swap – maybe he was proud to end the vagicide? – and instead focused on the fact he stayed true to himself the entire game and managed to make some wonderful friends. He was so damn nice and chill, it made me feel even worse when I pulled out my Chicken, Brocolliam and Snosepeas Pizza and explained he was only booted because of my culinary curse.

 

 

Despite my pizza curse claiming its latest victim, it is hard to hold an ongoing grudge when they taste this good (or are as chill and kind as Liam). The spicy satay, the earthy gloriousness of broccoli and cashew and the sweetness of capsicum and onion … there is nothing more to say than dis good. Dis, real good.

Enjoy!

 

 

Chicken, Brocolliam and Snosepeas Pizza
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
2 chicken breasts, diced
½ – 1 cup satay sauce
⅓ cup passata
oregano and basil, roughly chopped, to taste
1 onion, sliced
½ red capsicum, sliced
1 cup broccoli florets
a small handful of snow peas, top, tailed and cut into 1cm slices
⅓ cup cashews, roughly chopped
mozzarella, to taste … though you’d be mad not to drown it

Method
Prep the bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions.

Preheat oven to 180°C.

Place a frying pan over medium heat and cook the chicken for a couple of minutes, or until starting to brown. Add the satay sauce and cook for a further couple of minutes, or until cooked through and the sauce has started to thicken.

Smear passata over the bases and sprinkle with the herbs. Heap on the onion, capsicum, chicken, broccoli, snowpeas and cashews, and drown with mozzarella.

Transfer to the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until bubbly and golden.

Devour immediately, wallowing in the sadness that pizza is now my Reality TV kiss of death. My sincere apologies Steph, Brendan, Steph and Karla.

 

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