Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race the remaining queens were tasked with starring in the Grease inspired Trump: The Rusical, which saw Silky slay as Oprah despite not loving the small role bequeathed by Scarlet. On the other end of the spectrum, Ra’Jah and Mercedes were forgettable at best and as such landed in the bottom two and sweet Mercedes going home.
Back in the Werk Room the queens felt sad to lose their cyst, though Yvie did point out that she wasn’t as strong and she is keen to start thinning the pack. The queens congratulated Silky on her victory before Scarlet made it about her and pointed out that she was congratulated for her casting, which annoyed the hell out of Ariel. Silky invited everyone on a girl’s trip which made everyone wonder how the no men allowed would go for Brooke and Vanjie since they are deeply and madly in love. Talk turned to lip syncing, with Ra’Jah pointing out she will lip sync every damn week if she needs to which Yvie pointed out that she should focus on winning challenges instead if she wants a shot at the crown which made Ra’Jah super annoyed. She then got petty and questioned whether Yvie bathes and while she doesn’t have a hope of winning, I live for the drama while she keeps making excuses. Oh and apparently Dallas is the big d … when I thought Chris from Survivor had the big D.
The next day the queens settled on the Branjie couple name before Silky got to work sourcing herself a manses, making out with Nina and I’m equally aroused and feel like I need a bath. Like Yvie, apparently. Before I could explore my feels, Ru arrived to challenge the girls to become living dolls that could be doll Ru’s best friend. They were joined with Trixie Mattel to give tips on how to be a doll … and be nice to people because you never know when a jury is going to hit. Trixie ran around the Werk Room reading the girls before the dolls debuted their looks, with Nina’s pussy power doll being my personal favourite. The queens all did a fairly good job, though Ariel, Scarlet and Brooke felt kinda flat. While Yvie, Ra’Jah, A’Keria and the aforementioned Nina slayed, while Vanjie was demented and I still live. Ra’Jah ultimately took out the mini-challenge, which didn’t give her any advantage in the upcoming Halloween Ball where the queens would rock looks in the Trampy Trick or Treater, Witch Please! and MILF eleganza – Monster I’d like to Freak – categories.
The queens all broke off to their work stations to start working on their looks, with Silky taking advice from A’Keria and Vanjie as she has no idea what the hell to do. Yvie was growing tired of Silky riding her personality to the end and was hopeful that this is the time Silky challenges herself, though given Silky doesn’t want to serve spook, I don’t see her slaying. Brandi continued to snuggle and damn Brooke in overalls can get it like my dear Luke Perry in Bev Hills season 1. I mean, dem nips. Swoon.
Ru returned to chat to the queens, with Nina embarrassing herself by saying someone was in Murder She Wrote when she wasn’t making Ru turn into the shame lady from Game of Thrones. Ru encouraged her to stop listening to the voices in her head and turn a better look than her last design challenge. Shuga vowed to look at what the frontrunners are doing and inject more of herself in the challenges. She spoke about coming to drag late in life and feeling reborn, and I live. Ru dropped by to discover Brooke put a shirt on and discuss her ideas for the challenge, with Brooke’s genius idea to be a murderous perennial pageant runner-up as the monster being poo pooed, though I hope she sticks to her guns. Plastique was hoping that Brooke would stumble in the challenge, given she came so close to winning the first design challenge though Silky wasn’t confident that Plastique could serve anything but pretty in a corset. While Ru learnt that Yvie was planning to serve glamour in addition to her odd.
With Ru exiting, it was left to Vanjie and Plastique to get inside Ariel’s head, given her monster look was just a cute mermaid look. And Plastique doesn’t see that being enough. Brooke caught up with The Dreamgirls – aka A’Keria, Vanjie and Silky – and announced that she is getting rid of her pageant idea, and instead serving a glamorous lady in black wearing a snake, which everyone found even more confusing. Not going with glamour however is Scarlet, who was coming for the creature from Black Lagoon’s gig, though given the dress was riddled with holes, no one felt confident but her.
Elimination Day rolled around with the girls excited about all the looks that would be served on the runway. Ariel liked having to push herself, while Yvie shared her first drag experience was being a ho to her mum’s pimp. Silky wandered around the Werk Room to get everyone in the mood, though I don’t understand why she wasn’t focused on getting ready. But it was charming – or charmin – so I’ll let it slide.
Ru, Michelle and Ross were joined by the iconic Elvira and my gal Cara Delevingne on the judging panel. In the Trampy Treak or Treater category, A’Keria served Vegas Glam, Vanjie served Victoria’s Secret, Plastique served Playboy Bunny, all looking stunning. Scarlet went for a slutty pirate and was cute while Nina went for Little Shop of Horrors and looked adorable. Ra’Jah looked good as a pussy and well, Shuga was Tempest Dujour bad as a troll doll. Brooke then arrived on point as a mummy en pointe and owned the category, though I did like Ariel’s syringe look. Wait, no, Yvie came out as a sexy dinosaur and glued dinosaur feet to heels and I live. Silky was cute as a unicorn, though it felt super flat coming after Yvie.
For Witch Please! A’Keria was scary beautiful as a Disney villain, Vanjie looked glorious in a new silhouette, Plastique was hot and horny while Scarlet served swamp witch and I love it because it wasn’t glamour. Nina stole the show as a burning Salem witch, Ra’Jah served wicked witch realness while Shuga overcame the troll mess with a killer Bloody Mary look. Brooke stole the show again channeling Cara Delevingne with some enchantress realness while Ariel went for Into the Woods realness and Yvie freaked me out with her milky eyed glamour witch while Silky went for Wiz wonder. When it came to MILF eleganza, A’Keria spun a glamorous web as a sexy spider, while Vanjie was cute as a zombie fresh from the grave and Plastique went for a murdery madam. Scarlet’s Black Lagoon look came together well and I live, despite the gap in the neck. Nina was beautiful despite her face falling off, Ra’Jah served bone on bone on bone – just like my weekends – and Shuga backslid as the bride of Satan. Brooke looked stunning as her black widow, despite how much I wish she stuck with her original idea. Ariel’s mermaid didn’t serve Halloween, though was cute, while once again Yvie spooked it out with a voodoo dolls look. Silky served a sexy, shiny red gown though still didn’t look scary, even with her bloody glitter tears.
Nina, A’Keria, Scarlet, Vanjie and Ra’jah were ultimately deemed safe, leaving the judges to heap praise on Plastique for looking absolutely stunning in each category, though Michelle would love for a little more personality rather than pretty. Shuga’s troll look was rightly read for filth, despite how sweet the story of them being her only friends as a kid may have been. The other two didn’t fare much better. Brooke received universal praise, with Elvira blown away by her ballet and Cara moved by her Enchantress look. Ariel’s syringe look was praised for its good idea, despite the sloppy execution, Michelle hated the other two looks however and Ross grew tired of the cutesy looks week after week. Everyone loved Yvie’s dinosaur look and the performance on the MainStage, the witch look was simple and stunning while the judges were down on the voodoo doll look, despite me kinda liking it. Elvira loved Silky’s unicorn look, while everyone felt she didn’t really push herself in any of the categories and was kinda bland.
Thanks to her final stumble, Yvie was sent to safety alongside Plastique as Brooke snatched her second victory of the season. At the other end of the pack, Shuga landed in the bottom before Silky was ultimately sent to safety, leaving Shuga to battle it out against Ariel to Whit’s I’m Your Baby Tonight. While both queens started out super strong and things were neck and neck, Ariel got caught in her train halfway through and fell to the stage – as Ru stifled a giggle – allowing Shuga to overtake, with not even a Naomi-esque backbend enough to save her as she found herself becoming the fifth boot.
Poor Ariel took her boot pretty hard, disappointed that she never really got the chance to show people what she was made of as a performer. I held her tight, took a deep breath and then confessed that I may have had a hand in her early exit, thanks to the viral spread of my pizza curse. She flew into a rage and we screamed at each other – her, for me ruining her life and me, because I am a messy bitch that loves the drama – until she smelt the waft of Ariel Verscaiola Pizza from the oven, when she calmed down and accepted that Manila Luzon is good company to keep.
Salty, truffly and oh so decadent, this pizza may not be healthy for your waistline, but damn does it do a soul some good! Did I mention truffle?
Ariel Verscaiola Pizza
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
⅓ cup passata
oregano and basil, roughly chopped, to taste
100g porcini mushrooms, sliced,
2 tbsp white truffle oil
mozzarella, to taste
Prep the bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions.
Preheat oven to 180°C.
Smear passata over the prepared bases, sprinkle of the herbs, dot with mushrooms, slices of bresaola and chunks of taleggio before drizzling with truffle oil and sprinkling with mozzarella for good measure.
Transfer to the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until bubbly and golden.
Devour immediately, happy that while pizza fucks over reality contestants, it tastes damn good.