Survivor: Cambodia – Second Chance

Gazpachjoe Anglim

Main, Snack, Soup, Survivor, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance, Survivor: Edge of Extinction, Survivor: Worlds Apart, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Survivor, nothing evidently happened despite Kama winning immunity again – and Joe avoiding pre-merge tribal council for another season – sending both Lesu and Manu to tribal council to vote out one person, like the tragic Game Changers tribal that cost my love Malcolm his place in the game. While both tribes were locked down tribal lines on the first vote between Lauren and Wendy, the OG Kamas decided Wendy wasn’t worth rocks and flipped to send her to the Edge of Extinction.

But again, nothing happened because we’re going straight to a damn challenge.

Probst brought the three tribes to a field with six challenge set-ups instead of three and quickly welcomed them to the merge. While Gavin was excited to have made the merge, he was nervous about what was waiting for them around the corner … before Probst teased an iconic moment, sharing that they literally need to worry about what is around the corner as Reem, Keith, Chris, Rick, Aubry and Wendy were brought back in. Jeff then filled the merged tribe in on the Edge of Extinction and everyone, hopefully, felt super stupid for not realising something was up given the name of the season.

But we’re not here to make them feel stupid, we’re here for a challenge and damn what a challenge the losers face. They will each climb over an obstacle, complete a jailbreak and then guide a ball through an upright snake puzzle. We then learnt that Keith in fact did choose to disadvantage Chris with extra knots, giving him the advantage and disadvantage on top of potentially tripping on his package. Chris got out to an early lead with the extra knots proving zero difficulty, while Aubry, Rick and Wendy were right behind him. Aubry dominated the jailbreak, making it to the puzzle first, while Chris, Rick, Wendy and Reem followed. Oh and the knots were this section, so everyone got to practice the puzzle, while Chris untied the knots and Keith still struggled with his pole. Wendy was dominating the puzzle and close to the end before her tourettes started to act up, as she dropped just before snatching victory. Chris almost won and then dropped at the last moment before Rick snatched his win and a place on the merged tribe.

The losers rallied around to congratulate him while breaking down over their losses, before Probst filled the merge tribe in on the fact that Extinction would be resetting and they will all have a shot to return. The five remaining losers remained to chat with Probst, as Aubry shared how much Survivor has given her and helped her grow over the years. Reem shared that Survivor was her dream and how hellish extinction was, but how proud she was to not raise the mast. Keith spoke about his pride in not giving up, Wendy felt bad that she didn’t spend as long at extinction while Chris spoke about how he had always wanted to be perfect and extinction taught him that it doesn’t matter and he can just be himself. And now my heart swells like my pants whenever I look at him. They all held each other close before Probst gave them the opportunity to return to the Edge of Extinction and wait for another shot to return, making them all giddy as they accepted the offer once again and I am so glad I can make more jokes about Chris raising my mast. Because he can get it and I need to see him in every damn episode.

We returned to the merge camp where the tribe discovered the feast, which filled Julia with so much joy because of the epic majority and the abundance of food. The tribe found out about life on extinction while Kelley lamented the pain of having Rick, of all people, back despite the fact Reem hated her so much more. On the flip side Julie found a bond with Rick and wanted to work with him and help him avoid going back to extinction, since she never wants to go there herself

Speaking of extinction Chris, Aubry and Reem huddled together as Keith and Wendy approached the flag and HOT DAMN WE HAVE SOME QUITS! After arriving back, they realised that they could not be fucked waiting around for another three weeks and as such, officially became the first and second boots. The other three however, were galvanised and vowed to continue to fight.

Back at the merge tribe Kelley and Lauren caught up to worry about Rick’s return and the fact they need to find some cracks if they want to survive. Speaking of cracks, Kelley pulled Joe aside to see whether this will be the season they can actually pull off an alliance. She questioned whether the Aubry boot made him nervous, with Joe admitting that he, Aubry and Aurora were on the bottom which given basic maths, would say the Manus plus Joe and Aurora should have the majority if they can work together. But hold Kelley’s beer, because she doesn’t trust Rick and David and thinks they will go with the majority. As such, she wants to see Rick go straight back to extinction and approached the Kama women to float the idea. Sadly Julie had zero interest in sending him straight back, so while everyone seemed open to splitting the vote between David and Rick, Julie doesn’t seem like she will play along.

The next day we learnt the tribe settled on Vata as a name before Devens discovered a parcel in his bag, which is a best friend idol which he has to give half away and if they both survive the upcoming tribal council, the pieces join together to form a legit idol. And I think I made it sound more complicated than it is. That night, he approached David and passed off his half of the idol.

My boy Probst returned for the first individual immunity challenge of the season where they would each stand on a narrow beam and balance a statue on the end of a pole. Ron dropped before Probst even finished intro-ing the challenge. He was quickly followed by Gavin before the tribe transitioned to a thinner part of the beam which cost Wardog, Devens and Victoria their shot at immunity. Aurora was taken out by a huge gust of wind before the third phase of the challenge which eventually took out Wentworth. Eric, Julia and David dropped as their transitioned to the narrowest point of the beam, leaving Julie, Joe and Lauren to battle it out for immunity. Out of nowhere Joe dropped, though it appeared quite theatrical … almost like he was throwing the challenge to appear less threatening. In any event Lauren finally dropped after struggling for much of the challenge, handing Julie immunity and damn I have a new Queen to root for.

Back at camp the tribe got to work scrambling, with Kelley continuing to push for Devens and Julie feeling safe enough to instead go for Kelley. She pulled in Victoria who was keen to get another vet out, before Julie approached Devens to say that he and David are safe while everyone else on his OG tribe were desperate to get rid of him. Devens filled in David on the betrayal and that Julie will tell them who to target but that someone from Lesu is likely to go. Ron and Joe caught up, with Joe asking Ron to follow Eric, Julie and Victoria to make sure his name doesn’t come up. His calm demeanor made Ron feel like he was planning to betray him and as such, he wanted the Kama 6 to band together to instead take out Joe as it may be their only chance. While Victoria still though Kelley was the safer option, she floated Ron’s plan with Eric and Gavin and they tried to decide who was best to get rid of first between Kelley and Joe. Julie was the voice of reason, sharing that whatever it is, the six of them need to come to a consensus as the vote will dictate the rest of the came.

At tribal council Joe, Julie, Julia, Ron and Aurora finally got their torches before Probst announced that Reem, Chris and Aubry stayed on extinction and as such would sit on the jury while they await their next bid to return. Julie shared that the game has finally begun for the five people that stayed on Kama, Ron admitted that he will always be Kama strong which made Kelley feel nervous, given she is back on the bottom. Again. Rick admitted that he was confused about the dynamics after being out of the game, while Victoria shared that sending him straight back would be evil and that there are bigger targets to focus on first. This made Joe very nervous as a challenge threat, which she said wasn’t the only threatening thing in the game. Ron felt there were no idols in the game, which Wardog said generally means four will pop up at tribal before Rick felt it was weird back at camp while they should have been scrambling, since Kama was calm and Joe lazed around painting the tribe flag. Ron pointed out that having the majority means you don’t need to scramble, which made Kelley remind them she is used to playing from the bottom which was ominous as they went to vote.

Once again both Lauren and Wentworth held strong and opted out of playing their idols as the first seven votes rolled in between Rick, David and Wentworth, before the final six landed on Joe and he found himself voted out of the game, much to Reem’s chagrin given her shot at returning just got that much worse. Because obviously Joe chose to go straight to extinction and for what feels like the first time in his three seasons, he is angry and has a fire to come back. Which is what I told him to do after jumping out from behind the sign and handing off a thermos of Gazpachjoe Anglim.

 

 

While the residents of Springfield find this chilly soup to be a total failure, this should prove just how majestic it can be. Fresh, zingy and packing a tonne of punch, there is no better meal to sip on whilst waiting on an island while getting abused by Reem.

Enjoy!

 

 

Gazpachjoe Anglim
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
½ cup olive oil
1.5kg tomatoes, halved
3 garlic cloves, crushed
½ tsp ground cumin
½ tsp ground coriander seeds
salt and pepper, to taste
½ cup crustless white bread, cubed
½ tsp demerara sugar
2 tbsp red wine vinegar
1 lebanese cucumber, diced
1 green capsicum, diced

Method
Preheat oven to 200C.

Toss the tomato and garlic through the olive oil, cumin, coriander and a good whack of salt and pepper, and place in the oven to scorch for ten minutes. Remove from the heat and transfer to a blender. Soak the bread in some water for a couple of minutes, before squeezing out the excess liquid and added to the blender with the sugar and vinegar. Blitz until everything is smooth.

Strain the soup into an airtight container and transfer to the fridge to chill for a few hours.

Once ice cold, serve with a sprinkling of cucumber and capsicum and a sprinkle of cumin. Devour.As you can probably tell, we are very

 

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Jeffle Varner

Main, Side, Snack, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, Debbie was living it up on Exile yacht with Cockstain, while Brad and his interior design skillz were leading things at Mana while Sandra and Varner were on the bottom at new Nuku until Tai’s paranoia almost got to him. Sadly however, it didn’t, resulting in the confirmation that the Game Changers we are seeing is the darkest timeline as Sandra Diaz-Twine found herself voted out – for the first time ever – as the sixth boot.

I guess the one positive we can take from everything is that her display proved why she is the greatest of all time. Though the glorious timeline where she scores a hatrick is too much joy to comprehend …

Anyway, back at new Nuku Debbie regaled everyone with tails about how awful exile was, to garner sympathy. While Ozzy came for Tai, proving that last week’s tribal wasn’t an elaborate act for Sandra, before Tai gave the understatement of the year, acknowledging that he is terrible at tribal.

Varner however was ropeable and wanted to “punch them bitches in the throat-bone.” Thankfully his dear friend Zeke talked him off the ledge … and then proceeded to spill all the details about OG Nuku.

Wanting to avoid continuing Sandra’s wake, Jeff called in the tribes for the reward challenge – honouring Sandra’s legacy in the process – where the tribes had to untangle themselves from a big, hard pole, untangle some knots, release a big bag of balls and squeeze through some tight mesh before tossing their balls around … for pizza.

No t, no shade … but this is a reward to almost die for, Caleb … ok?

With a stellar performance, obviously, from Debbie – did you see that Brad? – Ozzy’s ball handling skills won out. Though in Brad and the Technicolour Boardshorts’ defense, he did a valiant job trying to catch-up.

Well not really, but dem boardies. YAS.

After suffering a crushing defeat, Cirie returned to the game to outline how horrible it was to miss out on reward and how by this point in the game, everyone was suffering … setting of a major pity party over at Mana.

Sierra joined us to outline how hungry she was and broke down, before Aubry joined in to say how hard it was to adjust when she got home … which is how Monica felt after getting home to Brad after Blood vs. Water.

Brad continued his redemption arc, talking about how tough Monica was and how only now is he starting to understand what she went through. Seriously, Brad and Mon are couple goals at this point.

Moved by his honesty, Aubry connected with Brad … forming what appears to be a tentative alliance.

Meanwhile over at Nuku, Ozzy talked about how important this victory was for the tribe as they progress to the next phase of the game. Debbie then babe-d Ozzy, giving me another couple goal.

Seeing how screwed he is, Varner approached Sarah to get rid of Ozzy given that the merge is approaching and they want to have a fighting chance in challenges. Sarah, the cahp turned criminal seemed receptive to cutting Ozzy’s throat and ride into the merge like a crook, see.

Not wanting to leave me for too long, Probst returned for the next immunity challenge which involved a dick-load of swimming, meaning Ozzy is probs safe given he is part dolphin. Despite an epic lead heading into the word puzzle portion, thanks of course to Ozzy, Hali and her passion for spelling took out immunity for Mana and continued her metamorphosis into a Survivor icon.

Here’s to the merge tribe ‘Merica II, right?

Back at camp Varner scrambled desperately to survive one more day to see ‘Merica II and hopefully for him … the jury. While Sarah pushed hard to get rid of Ozzy, Zeke explained why it is important for him to keep bigger threats around and that Sarah and Andrea would be trying to placate him … upsetting Varner, who wanted to get rid of Ozzy.

He then took said information to Sarah and Andrea, to try and get him in with them and make Zeke look closer with Ozzy.

Then at tribal we got to see how truly desperate and low he was willing to go to save himself, outing Zeke as a transgender man and setting off the ugliest yet all at once most beautiful tribal council.

Make no mistake, what Jeff did was wrong, disgusting and utterly horrific – we know that and thankfully he knows that – but hopefully the silver lining to this incident is that there can be a positive conversation around trans rights and visibility.

The reactions of Tai, Andrea, Ozzy, Debbie and Sarah gave me so much hope for humanity, as they immediately stood up for Zeke and defended his right to come out on his terms, and to direct his experience and personal narrative.

These people and Zeke’s words are why this tribal council can still be classified as beautiful.

As a cisgender gay man, I am somewhere in the middle of the privilege spectrum. While I have a mildly similar experience by being a part of the broader LGBT community, I am acutely aware of how much more privilege I have than Zeke just by being cisgender.

Zeke spoke beautifully about why he wasn’t open about his gender identity on the show and it broke my heart as it reminded me of how it felt to be labelled by others before I was comfortable … and that is why it stings just that little bit more coming from Jeff.

Being part of the community, he should have known better as he knows what it is like to have to process your identity and often even learn to just accept yourself. People deserve the right to share what they want with others, if and when they want to. Outing people is dangerous, particularly in the trans community in the current climate.

You shouldn’t need to to be a decent person, but Varner has likely experienced something very similar – not being ready to share or not wanting something to be the one thing you’re known for – and he should know far, far, far better. Whatever the reasoning, if it isn’t your truth, it isn’t your place to share.

Ever.

I reiterate that I think Jeff is remorseful and most importantly, Zeke was able to eloquently discuss how he felt and was kind enough to take the high road … when I for sure, would have gone low. Very low. So – and I feel so awkward using this as my segway into a recipe given the enormity of what happened – I felt comfortable enough to sit down with him and share a Jeffle Varner.

 

 

Given what went down and how it played out, I thought it best to whip up an easy, delicious snack – so no sweet Jeff Grand Varnier Mousse for you! – so that I could chastise him and discuss why we, as gay cisgendered men, should know better and how we owe it to our community to be the staunchest of allies.

I truly felt he was remorseful and agreed to smuggle in a heartfelt culinary apology to Zeke. Sadly though, Probst – who let’s just pause here to reiterate that moments like this highlight are why he is the best at what he does … give the man (if Ru can’t get a 2nd) another damn Emmy – wouldn’t let me smuggle in a very, very delicious jaffle, that reminds you of childhood and why leftovers are arguably the best. Plus, how do you go past adding even more carbs to spaghetti bolognese?

Exactly – enjoy!

And if you need more information on how to be a better ally, please follow Zeke/GLAAD’s advice because I know my ramblings can in no way get close to explaining the gravity of the situation and how important it is to stand up for equality. Remember to be kind, to both Zeke and Varner, even if he doesn’t deserve it,  … haterade is reserved for my (*gasp, shock* fake) celebrity friends.

 

 

Jeffle Varner
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
4 slices white bread
butter
1 cup leftover Dolognese Parton, including some spaghetti if you want it authentic … but that is up to you
½ shaved parmesan cheese

Method
Now this is insanely complex, so pay attention.

Start by turning on a jaffle iron and buttering the bread.

Divide the Dolognese across two slices.

Top each with parmesan and close the sandwiches with the remaining bread.

Butter the top of the bread and place butter-side down on the jaffle iron.

Butter the remaining pieces of bread and close the machine.

Cook until the red light turns green … aka five minutes or so, and the bread golden and the parmesan gooey, JIC your machine is old and the lights don’t work.

 

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Ciera Eastindoori

Main, Poultry, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands, TV Recap

To quote my ex-lover Phil, can you hear it, coming in the air tonight? Oh lord, the sound of conch shells and potential tribal genocide can mean only one thing – SURVIVOR is back top five baby!

My part-time lover then joined the fray and quickly caught us up – 17 years, 33 seasons, all stars, fans, favourites, heroes, villains, blood, water, brains, beauty, brawn, millennials, gen x, yet there is still only one Queen and her name is Sandra.

Jiffy Pop quickly got to work catching us up with the legends – and other people available during filming – returning for another shot at the title. We zeroed in on our brash, llama advocate Tony who claimed to have created the spy shack, a move Sandra successfully utilised in two winning seasons before his one … without the gimmicky name.

My basement flooded to realise that Malcolm was indeed back and he wasn’t just a figment of my sex dreams. I mean, seriously, I was bouncing with anticipation too …

I’ll let Sandra reintroduce herself in her own words – “the Queen stays Queen, adios.”

Cirie got off the couch for the fourth time and reaffirmed her passion for being the smiling assassin and her hope to finally convert her killer gameplay into a victory.  Our tiger swimsuit wearing, ex-model, water technician, farmer, stockbroker, football coach and explorer Debbie then reminded us that she is built for this game – despite looking susceptible to blowing over in the breeze – due to her tenacity of a giant squid.

Oh and my frenemy Culpepper said something? FUCK YOU BRAD CULPEPPER, Probst is on a shipwreck. Can you beat Probst on a shipwreck?! No. No you can’t.

We joined the castaways on a ship where Probst fulfilled his obligation to sell the theme, no matter how much of a stretch it was – remember the milk drones of Millennials vs. Gen X? – saying that everyone was selected because of their willingness to make game changing moves. Though when he mentioned “some of you made subtle moves,” he looked like he died a little inside.

Continuing to get reacquainted, Ozzy shared that he still has nightmares about losing money – make another Playboy Channel movie, surely that pays – JT proclaimed Sandra won’t be the only two time winner, Cirie gave her first chuckle of the season saying he was wrong and Zeke geeked out.

My boy then split them into their two tribes, where he screwed Cirie hard by sticking her with two well known nemeses. Let’s hope this is a beginning of a supreme underdog edit?

Wanting to change the game, Jiffy Pop offered the tribes an opportunity to win a massive toolkit for the first person to swim out to a bouy and untie knots. Echoing the audience, Malcolm saw zero point in going for this given the fact that Ozzy is part dolphin and would definitely win. That being said, bless Caleb for trying. Bless.

And with that, they were off with Debbie added wrestler to her resume and body-slammed Malcolm into the deck of the boat. Tai stole chickens from Ciera and Sandra before said chickens attempted to drown him as they dived off the ship together. Clearly none of them were fans of becoming Mark 2.0.

We arrived at Mana, where Tony immediately ran off looking for the idol speaking llama, while Sandra proved why she is the OG spy who actually invented the spy shack and followed him into the woods with dear Caleb to ensure he didn’t find said idol while Hali appeared to assure us that she is a game changer and is the cobra nobody is thinking about.

Meanwhile Nuku arrived at their camp where Zeke fanboyed at his fellow castaways before they noticed three goats on the hill, hopefully not an omen for things to come at final tribal council. Sarah then congratulated herself for her killer social game, ten minutes into the show and Sierra walked us through the secret advantage Andrea repeatedly walked over during the entire marooning.

(FYI, it is a legacy advantage eligible at final 13 or 6).

Sierra then continued her play as Wentworth 2.0 and approached Brad and Ozzy about forming an alliance to target Cirie. Though let’s be honest here, Sierra’s real game changing move is that make-up that just won’t come off.

Cirie then approached Ozzy about their past – where she brutally blindsided him while he was at his peak cockiness – to ensure he wasn’t entering the game with any baggage. Despite claiming they were cool, he then wandered off with Tai to tell him he wasn’t sure about Cirie. Tai being Tai then went and told Cirie she should try and clear the air. Obviously Cirie questioned this, terrifying and confusing Tai who just stood paralysed by shock.

But can we please get the screenshot of Tai’s confused face as a meme? Contact meme corp, I need this asap.

The next day Tony ran off again, this time looking to build a spy bunker, which I assume will be as successful as the sunken shelter Rupert built in All Stars. Thankfully he was caught lying down in his half-dug grave by Troyzan, hopefully putting a kibosh on the bunker.

Ciera then quickly appeared, surprisingly not to talk BIG MOVEZ, but to give her extremely insightful analysis of what was happening and announced that everyone should target Tony and Caleb, to put an end to their burgeoning bromance and Tony’s always possible idol.

Sadly for Ciera, that isn’t what Malcolm wanted, knowing he needs a meat shield, putting her in danger.

But before anything further could happen, Jiffy Pop returned for the first immunity challenge of the season where seven members of each tribe had to paddle out to a platform in the ocean, someone had to swim for some keys, everyone on the platform then mounted a box before traversing an obstacle course back to the shore.

They then had to dig some holes – awkward for Caleb, given the history – before, obviously, complete a puzzle.

Given their was swimming involved and Ozzy is in the cast, Nuku took an early lead that despite the locks not laying down for Debbie like lovers, never really disappeared as Cirie and her biggest fan Zeke secured immunity.

Let’s run stats here – this is the first first immunity Sandra has ever lost and the third for both Varner and Malcolm. Conversely this is the first first challenge Cirie has won in her four seasons. So yay for Cirie?

Back at camp Varner lamented his shocking track record before deciding they need to target the weakest off the threats, which Aubry and Tony decided was Ciera. Sandra, continuing her Queendom was asked to put a name out there, to which she affirmed her winning strategy and told them to tell her the names and she’ll tell them how she feels.

Slay, queen.

Of course, Ciera “she voted out her mom” Eastin then arrived at the pre-tribal pow-wow, causing everyone to splinter and discuss the vote in smaller groups. Not having the luxury of viewing her first season before playing a second, Michaela discovered that Ciera thought everyone was targeting her instead resulting in her epic sass, which may not fly on an All Stars season.

Almost like the sass manifested her, Queen Sandra then dropped by to tell us that Ciera was always an easy target and that maybe booting Michaela and her less charming attitude was the better idea.

It was then – obviously – that we arrived at tribal where Tony’s craziness was addressed, Malcolm continued to be dreamy, Caleb and Michaela addressed their unknown entity status before Sandra continued to display why she is the only two time winner … before Hali then quoted Sandra and terrified Ciera as they went to vote.

Sadly for Ciera, her trend to double her previous placement continued and she found herself exiting the game as the first boot. (For those playing at home, that means Ciera will only play again if there is a season of 40 people. She would again be the first boot).

As you know, we’ve long been friends with the badass Eastin-Moretts and you just know that there was no one Ciera would rather see, after suffering the indignity of becoming a first boot.

While we usually go for something sweet, I thought Ciera needed something with a bit of a kick to cheer her up so went with her Ciera Eastindoori Chicken. And hey, she may have been the first boot … but she was also the first castaway to have two recipes, so you win some I guess?

 

 

Spicy, soothing and with a little bit of fire, this perfectly reflects the beat qualities of my dear, dear friend. Plus, there is raita involved so you can’t lose.

Enjoy!

 

 

Ciera Eastindoori
Serves: 4-6 … or, you know the drill, a disappointed first boot and her dear friend.

Ingredients
1kg chicken thigh fillets
½ cup tandoori paste
¼ cup natural yoghurt
2 cups long grain rice
1 tsp ground turmeric
raita and coriander leaves, to serve

Method
Combine the tandoori paste and yoghurt in a bowl, add the chicken and toss to coat. Cover and allow to marinate in the fridge overnight … or as long as possible, if you were unaware your friend would get the boot.

The next day, preheat oven to 180°C.

Once the oven is nice and hot, place the chicken on a lined baking sheet and cook for about twenty minutes or until cooked through and browned on top.

Rinse the rice until water runs clean, place it in a large saucepan with the turmeric and 3 cups of water, and bring to the boil over medium heat. Once boiling, reduce heat to low, cover and cook for about ten minutes or until the water is just absorbed.

Serve the chicken on a bed of rice with an extremely generous dollop of raita. I mean, this was for a first boot ok? Then devour.

 

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Jeremiso Chicken Collins

Main, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

We have a winner! Ben and I are so thrilled to be the first on set to celebrate a landslide victory with our old friend, Jeremy. To be perfectly honest, Jeremy would not have brought home the bacon this week if it wasn’t for Ben and I.

Luckily for Jeremy, our paths crossed quite some time ago. Ben and I had just bought shares in Danoz Direct and had just launched our first brilliant product to the lucky viewers at home.

Jeremy was one of the first lucky people to purchase and learn our patented trademarked copyrighted as-seen-on-tv buy-one-get-one-free ball handling system. The fine motor skills and digit dexterity he learned as a result of our extensive training is the only reason he was able to win the final immunity challenge. It also naturally assisted with getting the gorgeous Val Collins knocked up with her million dollar baby.

Congratulations Jeremy – you deserve the win!

 

IMG_6996

 

Despite his newly-minted millionaire status, Jeremy is a man of simple tastes. The Jeremiso Chicken Collins provides the classic comfort of flame grilled chicken, marinated in delicious miso.

And is far more appropriate for a Sole Survivor than a Jeremiso Collins Soup!

 

IMG_7001

 

Jeremiso Chicken Collins
Makes: 4.

Ingredients
4 skinless chicken breast halves
4 tbsp miso paste
2 tbsp sesame oil
2 tsp minced garlic
2 tsp minced ginger
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp brown sugar
Mixed green vegetables to serve

Method
Combine miso, sesame oil, garlic, ginger, soy sauce and brown sugar in a large zip-lock bag. Add the chicken breasts and refrigerate. Marinate for at least four hours.

Heat a griddle pan or barbeque grill until very hot. Grill chicken, turning regularly, until cooked through. Serve with mixed greens.

 

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Pistashaio Fox Cake

Cake, Dessert, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance, Sweets

It has been a struggle watching our frenemy Tasha Fox survive tribal council after tribal council this season.

Unfortunately, we have a checkered history with Tasha. After Andrew Keegan dragged us into the Danny Tanner Full Circle cult, we were forced to recruit new members. Naturally, we looked toward other cult-like organisations and deep within the trenches of one, we found our Tasha.

Tasha took on the Full Circle identity of Kimmy Gibbler – and was truly Kimmy in every sense. Her grating personality and all-round irritable presence made her such a perfect Kimmy she eventually replaced us as Krishna the parrot’s guardian. Not cool Tasha/Kimmy Gibbler!

Although Full Circle was eventually exposed and disbanded, our deep hatred of Tasha was enduring. That said, to see her receive a golden goose egg of votes has made me want to give her some comfort and try to reignite what was once a glorious friendship. After all, we did kind of ruin her life with that whole cult thing.

What says ‘I’m sorry’ and simultaneously ‘you still annoy the living turdcakes out of me’?

 

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The Pistashaio Fox Cake is the perfect way to make amends with an old frenemy. The heavenly thick chocolate ganache can literally gloss over the oldest of friendship wounds.

 

IMG_6932

 

Pistashaio Fox Cake
Serves: 16

Ingredients
1 cup plain flour
1/2 cup pistachio meal
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 tablespoons instant coffee
2 eggs
3/4 cup caster sugar
1/4 cup coconut oil
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup boiling water
1/3 cup cocoa powder
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
200g dark chocolate
1/2 cup thickened cream
80g shelled, halved pistachios

Method
Preheat oven to 180C. Grease a rectangular cake tin.

In a large bowl, sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, pistachio meal, sugar and cocoa powder. Add eggs, milk, water, oil, vanilla and coffee and stir until combined.

Pour into prepared tin (batter will be quite thin) and bake for 30-35 minutes or until risen and cooked through. Allow to cool.

To ice, cut chocolate into very fine slithers and place in heat-proof bowl. Gently heat cream in a small saucepan until just scalded. Pour cream over chocolate slithers and leave to sit for five minutes.

After five minutes, stir until ganache is smooth. Pour over cake and top with pistachios. Refrigerate until ganache is set.

 

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Spencer Bledsoba

Main, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Spenny Bleds, I can’t say I am sad to see you go from Second Chances – despite our pivotal role in your creation as the robot/human hybrid that you are.

You see, SpenBot, as his prototype was named, was the subject of an undercover experiment Ben and I conducted during our mid 1980’s mad scientist phase (doesn’t everyone have one?).

We were tasked with designing a higher level robot being, with the emotional and intellectual might to save mankind from themselves. Unsurprisingly, as Ben and I actually aren’t legit scientific geniuses, we took a few shortcuts and ended up with a strange hybrid of trusty educational robot 2-XL and toy-of-the-moment Jennie Gymnast.

While we may have built Spencer with the emotional capability of a 1990’s remote-control gymnast (oops), thankfully he also inherited Jennie’s physical prowess. He was able to hold his own during the season’s physical challenges, making it all the way to the final tribal.

Unfortunately for SpenBot, his inner robot really shone out this seasoning, rendering him a seemingly insincere, unlikeable jerkwad worthy of approximately zero votes.

 

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As you can imagine, Spencer was his usual 7/10 emotional flatline when he saw our angelic faces back at Ponderosa. That said, he was hungry and wanted to tuck into something both comforting and healthy. The Spencer Bledsoba is the perfect meal to shed robotic, emotionless tears into.

 

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Spencer Bledsoba
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 x 270g pack dried soba noodles
3 garlic cloves, crushed
1 tablespoon freshly grated ginger
1 long red chilli, finely chopped
4 large eggs
4 tablespoons soy sauce
4 tablespoons sesame seeds
4 spring onions, finely sliced

Method
Boil a large saucepan of water and cook soba noodles as per packet directions. Drain and run cool water over them to separate.

Heat a large fry pan with some cooking oil. Crack eggs into pan and fry until cooked to your liking. Set aside.

In the same pan, add garlic, chilli and ginger and saute for 1-2 minutes. Add soy sauce and soba noodles and stirfry until hot and combined.

Divide noodles between four bowls and top with a fried egg each. Garnish with a tablespoon of sesame seeds per bowl and a sprinkle of shallots.

 

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Jelley Wentworth

Dessert, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance, Sweets

We regret to admit that we’ve had a checkered past with the zero-to-hero, stand-out star of Second Chances Kelley Wentworth. Very checkered history, but thankfully like her stint in game, Wentworth was a true survivor.

You see, and again we regret to admit this, the Wentworth’s were the original target of a farmhouse robbery Annelie and I had planned in the early 90s. We had both read In Cold Blood and while abhorred by the murderous rampage, it gave us the idea to start working as farm hands and swindling the families out of all their money.

Kelley’s dear father @FarmGuy69 fell for our plucky attitudes and hired us on the spot, but Kelley using her killer instincts called us out and won us over with her sneaky sneaky ways, taking the robbery target of her family.

I then entered into a torrid affair Dale which went on to inspire the short story and Academy Award Winning film Brokeback Mountain – I wish he knew how to quit me, but I have moves.

We remained close with the Wentworths throughout the years and played an integral role in helping craft Kelley’s casting campaign and connecting her with the right players going into the season.

If only we had taught her how to effectively handle balls!

There was only one thing we could make to help her move past the crushing, million dollar fumble and that is a nice, boozy Jelley Wentworth.

 

Jelley Wentworth_1

 

Kitsch, fun and bright, jelly is something that instantly makes you happy – million dollar drop be damned.

See you for third time’s the charm Kel – we love you!

Enjoy!

 

Jelley Wentworth_2

 

Jelley Wentworth
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
200ml vodka
100ml peach schnapps
200ml cranberry juice
200ml pineapple juice
5 leave gelatine
1 oranges, flesh diced
1/4 cup glace cherries, finely diced

Method
Combine all of the liquid in a large jug, giving a good stir.

Tear all of the gelatine into small pieces and place in a small ceramic bowl and just cover with hot water. Leave to soften for 15 minutes.

Bring a small saucepan of water to a simmer. Place the bowl of gelatine on top and stir until completely dissolved. This should take about 5 minutes.

Once dissolved, combine with the liquid in the jug. Give it a good stir and decant, through a fine sieve, into 6 containers. Obviously martini glasses are preferred.

Refrigerate until set – about 6 hours should do.

Devour and think tropical, almost a millionaire thoughts.

 

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Beef and Keith N’Ale Pie

Main, Party Food, Pie, Snack, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

I was very sad to see Keith fall short of victory on Second Chances. As the affable, capable bloke that he is, he deserved to go far.

Ben and I first met Keith when we were scouting for the 1997 Shreveport Fireman’s Calendar. Obviously by scouting, I mean sneaking into the screening room and yelling smutty comments at some of the nation’s finest. I was mid disgusting sexual innuendo when in strolled a bastion of manliness and might – the glorious Keith Nale. I was so desperate to get Keith’s attention I made sure I wasn’t just looking hot that day, I was literally smokin’.

While setting myself on fire to get Keith’s attention was not my finest idea in hindsight, noble Keith rushed to the rescue and quickly put me out. A beautiful friendship, sadly non-sexual, has endured since that fateful day.

Now that Keith is back at Ponderosa, we are going to turn the heat up in the kitchen and cook something worthy of our old friend.

 

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The Beef and Keith N’Ale Pie literally has a heart of sweet, sweet bacon – dreamy and delicious, just like this fine man.

 

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Beef and Keith N’Ale Pie
Serves: 4

Ingredients
700g diced topside steak
4 tbsp plain flour
250ml dark ale
4 tbsp tomato paste
1 can diced tomatoes
4 cloves garlic, crushed
2 small chillies, finely chopped
1.5 cups beef stock
1 brown onion
2 carrots
2 celery stalks
4 rashers streaky bacon
1 sheet puff pastry, thawed
1 beaten egg for pastry wash
Salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Finely chop the onion, carrots, celery and bacon. In a large saute pan, heat some oil and cook the chopped ingredients until starting to soften. Remove from heat.

Coat diced beef in flour and then brown in oiled saute pan in batches. Return all beef and vegetable/bacon mix to pan. Add garlic, chillies, tomato paste, canned tomatoes, stock and beer and simmer for 10 minutes. Pour into a pie dish and cover tightly with foil.

Preheat oven to 150°C. Bake for 90 minutes or until beef is tender and sauce is significantly reduced. Cover with thawed pastry and brush with beaten egg. Bake for additional 30 minutes until golden and puffed.

 

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Kimmi Kappenbergers

Main, Party Food, Snack, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Dear, sweet, chicken protecting, clam eating Kimmi – so close, yet so far. After close to fifteen years on the bench, the original KK made her way back to the island but was undone by the greatest tribal council of all time featuring double idols, nullified votes, tied votes and our ex-lover Keith willing to quit for super K to make it one step further.

But alas, our dear friend Kim went to Ponderosa. Fun fact, while dear Varner couldn’t follow through, Kimmi stuck to the hallowed tradition of having an Australian Outback contestant make the finale of their returning season.

As you know, we hitched a ride on the Survivor: The Australian Outback pre-jury vacay and bonded with Kimmi over our love for public nudity and penchant for getting into loud, violent public screaming matches.

Kimmi played a low-key game as the start of Second Chances, working hard and building relationships and came to a Ciera-esque realisation that she was playing for fourth too late resulting in the aforementioned tribal council majesty.

Wanting to avoid starting any Ponderosa brawls and upsetting Kumbaya Kass, we kept away from clams and made our famous, Kimmi Kappenbergers as congratulations for a job well done.

 

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Not wanting to harm any chickens (or face Monnie’s wrath when we next saw her), we piled our burgers with haloumi and mushrooms, aka the two greatest vegetarian ingredients – Kimmi earned it!

Enjoy!

 

Kimmi Kappenbergers_2

 

Kimmi Kappenbergers
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
250g haloumi
2 large mushrooms
2 brown onions
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
1 tbsp balsamic vinegar
olive oil
2 burger buns
pickled roasted peppers, to serve
rocket, to serve

Method
Slice haloumi into 5mm slabs, remove the stalks from the mushrooms and finely slice the onions.

Heat a lug of oil in a frypan over low heat and add the onions and a pinch of salt. Cook very slowly for 15-20 minutes, stirring occasionally to prevent them from sticking to the pan.

When onions are softened, add sugar and balsamic. Cook over low heat for a further 5-10 minutes, stirring occasionally, until sticky and caramelised. Leave aside.

Heat a second fry pan over medium heat, add a lug of oil and cook haloumi for about 2 minutes, flip just once and cooking for a further 2 minutes. Remove the haloumi from the heat.

In the same pan, fry the mushroom open side up for about 5 minutes, again flip just once and cook for a further 5 minutes. Remove from the heat and wipe pan clean – carefully to avoid burning yourself, obviously. Slice your buns and fry for a minute or two to lightly toast.

To build the burger, place some caramelised onion on the base, followed by rocket, the haloumi, then the mushroom, then (if you want) more onions or rocket and top with some pickled roasted peppers.

Devour and share with your favourite chickens!

 

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Off-season is coming

Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

It is finale week of Survivor: Cambodia – Second Chance, which is great, until you realise that it means we are about to be plunged into the darkness that is off-season.

How do you work through those crushed feelings / fill the menu of your finale party?

Eat your way through the boots thus far, obviously!

Abi-Maria GoMezze Plate
Sloppy Joe Anglim
Stephen Grilled Fishbach
Ciera Beesting
Kelly Piglesworth in Blankets
Butterscotch PecAndrew Savage Cake
Kass McChickllen
Stew Hwang
Cherry Deitz Pie
Monica Padilla Thai
Jeff Grand Varnier Mousse
Peih-Gee Lawsagne
Mirin Oskooi Salmon
Vytas Baskausserole

Who do you think will win … and more importantly, what is their victory meal? Check back in the days following the finale.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.