Miley, what’s good (eating)?

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

After a week gorging on delicious Thanksgiving food and a weekend treating Black Friday sales like a cage-fight, Annelie and I knew there was only one celebrity we would want to spend time with this week – our dear friend Nicki Minaj.

We first met our dear friend Nickster six years ago in court-ordered anger management, just as she was about to make it big. She had been working at the anger facility as a counselor for their more extreme patients and thus far, has been the only person to get through to us.

That probably has more to do with the fact that she allows us to continue with fight-club and is a firm believer in verbal beat-downs and non-physical feuding. Plus, she hates customers.

What says, thank you for being such a strong, rational role-model to us both?

Picture source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Stephen Grilled Fishbach

Main, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Ahhhh, Stephen. This year’s recipient of the humiliating, bumbling trombone-backed fool edit.

I have to admit, I was almost pleased to witness Stephen’s futile attempts at twig snapping, abysmal slingshotting and generally failing at everything around camp. This is because there is a rivalry that runs deep between us. You see, I had set up a complex pyramid scheme designed to grift Tocantins victor JT Thomas out of his million dollar prize. Again proving that he was the brains behind JT’s win, Fish saw right through my scam and stopped JT from investing in my 1800-PROBSTY telephone sex line.

In Second Chances, Stephen found himself a more glorious version of JT to lust after- he went full-on Single White Female and got a little bit lost in Joe’s beauty. Despite this, his strategy of taking out one of the major threats was sound. Perhaps if he’d spent less time being simultaneously painfully awkward and sexually aggressive (is that even possible?) he could have come through with the goods one way or another.

Well, that is if he didn’t get a violent case of the trots.

Fish, why do you keep trying to take what is rightfully ours?

Ben actually caused Fishy’s ‘gastro-intestinal distress’ by slipping a large quantity of laxatives into his water canteen. Yes, we were responsible for the glorious shit fountain and the ensuing ocean deuce. Hands off our man Fish – we don’t mess around when it comes to dreamy mcmansome Joe!

After Stephen’s explosive diarrhoea and not-so-covert aquadump was caught on camera by a helipoopter helicopter, we thought he might want a meal slightly more gentle on that fraught tum-tum of his.

 

FullSizeRender(2)

 

The Stephen Grilled Fishbach is healthy and light without being bland. Served with coleslaw, this fibre-packed meal is guaranteed to cork up even the most ghastly case of brown thunder down under.

 

IMG_6531(1)

 

Stephen Grilled Fishbach
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
4 x 150-200g reef fish fillets, scales and bones removed
4 tablespoons plain flour
2 lemons, cut into wedges
Salt and Pepper

Slaw
½ head red cabbage
½ head white cabbage
2 carrots
½ bunch celery
2 granny smith apples
1 small red onion
½ cup greek yoghurt
4 tablespoons whole egg mayonnaise
2 teaspoons apple cider vinegar

Method
Shred carrots, cabbages, apples and onion. Finely chop celery. Combine in a large bowl.

Whisk together mayonnaise, yoghurt and cider vinegar and mix through slaw mix. Refrigerate 1-2 hours for best flavour.

When ready to serve, season the flour with salt and pepper and dredge fish. In a hot oiled pan, grill fish fillets, in batches, until cooked through. Serve with lemon wedges and slaw.

Ciera Beesting

Cake, Dessert, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance, Sweets

It was truly sad to see Ciera idoled out of Survivor: Second Chances. Despite living very different lives (us being super famous and high profile, Ciera never making the final three and therefore being irrelevant), we have always wanted her in our inner circle because, despite her failures, she is a total badass.

You see, we have all disappointed Ciera’s mother/Survivor alumnus Laura Morett through our various types of bad-assery. Ciera made one of the ballsiest moves in Survivor history voting Laura out. Naturally, Laura was pissed but had plenty of admiration for her daughter’s ambitious gameplay.

Rather than voting Laura out, I have never let her in to our highly sought-after inner circle. Recently, Laura attempted to persuade canine political expert and Hilary Clinton advisor Nigella Martha Rodham Hailes (also known as our resident Cavalier King Charles Spaniel) into managing her campaign for Oregon House District 20. Sadly Nigella was busy preparing for Battletoads 2, so it wasn’t to be. Obviously, my constant smack talk about Laura after last year’s amaretti scandal may have influenced this. What kind of monster restricts people to two cookies at a time?

 

FullSizeRender(1)

 

I digress. It is Ciera we are here to comfort on her arrival to Ponderosa. What will provide her some much-needed comfort to ponderova (get it?) where it all went so wrong?

 

IMG_6189

 

Ciera Beesting
Serves 12

Ingredients
Brioche
¼ cup whole milk
1 tablespoon honey
2 teaspoons active dry yeast
2 large eggs, lightly beaten
1 ¾ cup plain flour
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
½ teaspoon salt
½ cup unsalted butter, at room temperature

Almond topping
½ cup honey
¼ cup brown sugar
½ cup salted butter
¾ cup sliced almonds

Pastry cream filling
1¼ cups milk
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract or vanilla bean paste
3 large egg yolks
¼ cup caster sugar
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons cornflour

Method
In a small saucepan, combine milk and honey and gently heat until just warm. Pour into the bowl of the stand mixer with dough hook attached, add yeast and allow to bloom.

Once yeast has bloomed, add flour, eggs, salt, sugar and butter. Knead with dough attachment until elastic. Cover and allow to rise for 1 hour.

Once proved, butter and line a medium size springform pan. Gently deflate the dough and then add to springform, stretching dough to fill the base of the pan. Allow to rise again for 20 minutes. Preheat oven to 180C.

While dough is proving for the second time, make the almond topping. In a small saucepan, combine honey, butter and brown sugar and stir until combined. Add almonds and pour over risen brioche dough.

Bake in oven for 22-25 minutes or until top springs back and almonds are golden. Leave to cool while you make the pastry cream.

For pastry cream, combine sugar and egg yolks in a medium bowl. Sift in the plain flour and corn flour and gently whisk until mixture is a smooth paste.

In a saucepan, combine milk and vanilla until simmering. Remove from the heat and gently add into the egg/sugar mixture, whisking constantly to temper eggs.

Once all combined, pour back into saucepan and cook over low heat, stirring constantly, until thick.

Once pastry cream is complete, gently split cake with a serrated knife. Place base  back in springform tin, top with pastry cream and then with top of cake. Refrigerate at least 2 hours before serving.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

AJ PecLean Pie

Backstreet's back give thanks!, Dessert, Pie, Sweets

When it comes to all-round awesomeness, it is safe to say we have left the best of the BSBs until last. AJ McLean has achieved so many things in his life that we desire, it is hard to be thankful for AJ’s success and not a tad envious.

Ben and I met AJ in the typical fashion – rehab. He was in for a stint for alcohol addiction after bandmate Kevs organised an intervention. We were in there for psychiatric assistance after trying to bump off Jonathan Lipnicki on the premise he had a punchable face.

While we bonded through finger painting and group bingo, AJ shared the tale of his incredible life. Not only had he lived close to Walt Disney World, he had also appeared on the legendary Nickelodeon classics GUTS and Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Swoon.

AJ, thanks for putting our somewhat mediocre lives into perspective. It’s always good to remember that if you haven’t made it on GUTS (or better yet, legends of the hidden temple) you are an unlovable loser who doesn’t deserve happiness.

 

IMG_5588

 

Today we give thanks for the Gods that are the Backstreet Boys! And for a valid reason to eat delicious, delicious AJ PecLean Pie.

 

IMG_5594

 

AJ PecLean Pie
Serves: 12.

Ingredients
1 9″ deep dish pie shell
1 cup brown sugar
1 ½ cups golden syrup
⅓ cup melted salted butter
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
4 eggs
2 cups pecans

Method
Preheat oven  to 180C. In a saucepan, combine brown sugar and golden syrup and gently boil for approximately 3 minutes.

While syrup and sugar is cooking, break eggs into bowl of stand mixer and very gently beat until yolks and whites are combined.

Once syrup mixture is ready, set stand mixer with eggs on lowest mixing speed. Gently pour in syrup while eggs are mixing, allowing them to temper. Do not let mixture froth up.

Once syrup and eggs are combined, stir in melted butter, vanilla and pecans. Pour filling into prepared pie shell and bake for 40-45 minutes or until just set. Refrigerate for 3-4 hours or until cool. Serve with whipped cream and no regrets.

 

You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Brined Littrell Turkey

Backstreet's back give thanks!, Main

While our relationship with his cousin Kevs started off strained, there has never been anything but love between us and Brian. That probably had something to do with the fact we were wooing him to bring Kevs down.

Despite our nefarious plot to use Brian as our pawn, the sweet, delightful guy won us over and helped us heal our issues with Kevin and our broken dreams.

Brian has always had to struggle what with his heart defect and vocal cord dysphonia, yet he has always handled himself with such grace and kindness. Being our polar opposite, we find that intriguing and exciting and have endeavoured to stay close ever since.

Don’t tell him, but we secretly tried to bring down Nick after he bullied him due to his vocal cord issues – no one messes with our sweet, delicate angel. (We made up though obviously, we had to find someone to help us bring Bindi down).

Our friendship with Brian, and I don’t think I am overstating this, has been the most nourishing, fulfilling and generous (non-sexual) relationship in our lives which made our thanksgiving menu planning a breeze.

I mean, what is more nourishing and fulfilling than a Brined Littrell Turkey?

 

Brined Littrell Turkey_1

 

While turkey and the rest of its friends in the poultry family have a nasty habit of going dry, a perfectly brined bird maintains the moistness of the meat and infuses it with a flavour you can’t resist.

Enjoy!

 

Brined Littrell Turkey_2

 

Brined Littrell Turkey
Serves: 12.

Ingredients
4 cups water
¾ cup maldon salt
½ cup honey
4 cups salt-reduced chicken stock
1 tbsp peppercorns
8 sprigs fresh rosemary, to brine
fresh turkey, size 50, neck and giblets removed for the gravy (discard liver)
1 small onion, peeled and quartered
1 fuji apple, quartered
1 bulb garlic, halved
4 sprigs rosemary, for baking
⅓ cup olive oil

Method
The day before you plan to eat, make the brine by bringing the water, salt, honey, stock, peppercorns and rosemary to the boil in a large saucepan, stirring to dissolve salt. Cool to room temperature.

Once cooled, place brine mixture in a large clean bucket or pot and add 4 litres of iced water. Place turkey in the liquid, breast side down to avoid tit-soup, cover and refrigerate overnight, ensuring the turkey is fully submerged. You may need to add more cold water.

To roast the turkey, preheat oven to 160C.

Remove turkey from brine (discard the liquid, definitely don’t drink it) and rinse thoroughly, inside and out, with cool water and dry thoroughly. Season the turkey cavity with salt and pepper and stuff with onion, apple, garlic and rosemary. Place on a roasting rack inside a large roasting pan, tucking the wings back. Rub the turkey with oil and season with salt and pepper. Cover the breast portion with foil and place on the lowest rack in oven (aka the only one that will allow it to fit) and roast for two hours.

Remove the foil and increase the heat up to 220C and roast for a further 45 minutes. Remove the turkey from the oven and insert a thermometer between the breast and thigh (avoiding bones), if it is 75C it is ready.

Remove turkey from the pan, place on a large platter and tent with foil to rest for 20 minutes. Carve, devour, etc.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Howie Doriesling Gravy

Backstreet's back give thanks!, Condiment, Dip, Side

Oh em gee – where do I start telling you about our friendship with Howie D? While most people spent the 90s jonesing for our rehab-roomie Nicky Carts, I spent my time lusting after the sexiest Puerto Rican this side of EPCOT.

Our relationship started like a passionate, gender-flipped version of West Side Story until Howie discovered I wasn’t a woman and gently explained that he didn’t reciprocate my love.

After a brief period apart, we were reunited by Annelie (who was more successful in bedding him) and our close bond was restored – fun fact, As Long As You Love Me is about my friendship with Howie.

Lacking any meaning in his life after his break-up with Annelie, we helped Howie back on the right path (not stuff) and introduced him to some of our friends and ta-dah, that is how Backstreet Boys were formed.

As a reminder, you really should be thankful for our work in building a boy band!

While Howie and my love fizzled out, nothing could come between us and our passionate love of guzzling sweet, salty, creamy liquid … like our Howie Doriesling Gravy.

 

Howie Doriesling Gravy_1

 

While riesling is literally the worst wine excluding moscato, it works in the gravy by cutting through the salty pan juices and bone broth. It is so good, you’ll even consider having it with meat rather than in a glass.

Enjoy!

 

Howie Doriesling Gravy_2

 

Howie Doriesling Gravy
Makes: 2-3 cups.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
turkey neck and giblets (from the turkey we are yet to cook)
1 onion, diced
1 carrot, diced
3 cups chicken stock
1 cup Riesling
3 tbsp unsalted butter
¼ cup flour
¼ cup flat-leaf parsley, finely chopped
2 stems rosemary, leaves removed and finely chopped
3 sprigs fresh thyme, leaves removed and finely chopped

Method
Heat oil in a large saucepan and fry the turkey neck and giblets with the onions and carrots until lightly browned. Add the chicken stock and bring to the boil. Reduce to a simmer and cook for an hour. Strain the liquid, discarding the solids and refrigerate until ready to use.

While the turkey (which we are about to make) rests, empty the pan drippings into a measuring cup and place in the freezer for 15 minutes. Remove and skim off the fat.

Use the riesling to deglaze the roasting pan over medium heat. Add in both the giblet stock and pan drippings and bring to a simmer. Once bubbling as vigorously as a Backstreet concert, whisk in the butter and the flour. Continue stirring until the gravy is thickened and remove from heat.

Stir in chopped herbs and add salt and pepper to taste. Drink … or serve with turkey.

About that …

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Kevin SwissChardson

Backstreet's back give thanks!, Side

Second only to our love of reality TV is our love of all things Disney. It is a little known secret that Ben and I actually first met Kevin Richardson working at Disney World.

You see, Kevin was a character actor at the esteemed Walt Disney World (before they banned facial hair). And he was not just any character, he was Aladdin AND also appeared as several of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. As you would know, Ben and I had previously failed to secure roles in the Lifetime straight to TV Turtles movie, with our nemesis Woo Hwang stealing the roles from under our noses.

In order to secure the coveted character parts, I was working on a machine that would ensure Kevin met a somewhat un-glamorous end. Meanwhile, Ben was moonlighting as the Little Mermaid in an attempt to get closer to Kevin and lure him into our creepy, dark and terrifying contraption. Kevin eventually took the bait, but instead of smashing his beautiful face into a million pieces he had a fantastic time. Yes – the ride now known as space mountain began as a covert mission to nix Kevsy Richardson.

Anyways, once Kevsy had experienced the thrill of space mountain, he was set on a path of enlightment and purpose. He was recruited into the Backstreet Boys shortly thereafter.

 

IMG_5570

 

For Thanksgiving, we wanted to transport Kevs back to his days as a caped green crusader. While it isn’t a pepperoni pizza, the Kevin SwissChardson is a verdant tribute to our mutual love of TMNT.

 

IMG_5573

 

Kevin SwissChardson
Serves: 4

Ingredients
1 large bunch swiss chard
2 tablespoons salted butter
4 tablespoons slivered almonds

Method
Using a sharp knife, carefully remove the stems of the chard and discard

Heat a frypan over medium heat and add butter. Once melted, add the chard and gently saute until just wilted and tender.

Mix through almonds and serve.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Nick Ciabatta Stuffing

Backstreet's back give thanks!, Side

While we have all had countless stints in rehab, we surprisingly didn’t meet our dear friend, 90s teen heart-throb Nick Carter, while receiving treatment.

It was 1990 and we were all on the set of Edward Scissorhands – I was coaching Winona to shoplift and Annelie, at the time, was Vincent Price’s lover when a young Nick Carter appeared on the set as an extra.

While Annelie and I initially felt superior to the young extra, a chance meeting while waiting for our mutual dealer on the studio backlot bonded us for life and we became inseparable.

Over the coming months, we helped foster young Nicky’s talent and encouraged him to start a boyband to rival our frenemies NKOTB (I had a messy break-up with Jonathan). I am not overstating it when I say that we are the reason for the Backstreet Boys. You’re welcome.

Nicky has had many ups and downs over the years, none lower than when he lost Hizza Duff as a future sister-in-law, but we have always stayed close to him and offered him questionable guidance, love and support.

As a finalist in Dancing with the Stars, Nick was only able to stay and celebrate Thanksgiving with us for a short time but knew that the catch-up could prove handy in defeating our soul-less teen compatriate Bindi-Sue.

Thankfully our Nick Ciabatta Stuffing was a dream to whip up – hopefully it is enough to bring Bindi (by name and nature) down.

 

Nick Ciabatta Stuffing_1

 

While Christmas is the time most people want to whip out their (chest)nuts for a roasting, there is nothing better than this rich, creamy stuffing thanks to those beautiful nuts.

So give thanks, for Nick being a babe and beautiful nuts – enjoy!

 

Nick Ciabatta Stuffing_2

 

Nick Ciabatta Stuffing
Serves: 6

Ingredients
85g butter
230g pancetta, cut into ¼ inch cubes
2 large onions, diced
2 carrots, diced
2 celery stalks, diced
3 garlic cloves, chopped
2 tablespoons fresh rosemary leaves, chopped
455g portabello mushrooms, finely diced
salt and black pepper, to taste
420g roasted, peeled chestnuts, coarsely chopped
⅔ cup parmesan cheese, grated
455g day old ciabatta bread, cut into ¾ inch cubes
1 cup chicken stock, plus more if needed
2 large eggs, beaten
¼ cup fresh Italian parsley leaves, chopped

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Melt 30g of butter in a large heavy frying pan over medium heat. Add the pancetta and sauté until crisp and golden. Transfer to a plate lined with a paper towel.

Melt the remaining butter in the pan and add the onions, carrots, celery, garlic, rosemary and mushrooms. Seasoning to taste. Sauté until the onions are soft, sweet and tender.

In a large bowl, add the sautéed vegetables, chopped chestnuts, parmesan and bread. Pour in the stock to moisten everything before adding the cooked pancetta and eggs. Season the stuffing to taste and add the parsley. Stir to completely combine all the ingredients.

Pour all of the stuffing in a large baking dish and bake until the top is golden and crisp, about 30 minutes.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

We want it that way

Backstreet's back give thanks!, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Annelie and I spent last Thanksgiving apart while she competed with Nigella (disguised as a turkey) in the Presidential Turkey Pardoning Ceremony while I was snowed-in up north in the Berkshires with food poisoning from a par-cooked turkey burger in not-so-Great Barrington with no power or flowing water.

After our cold, sad thanksgivings (Nigella was disqualified after her faux-turkey neck fell off), we vowed to bounce back and make 2015, the best Thanksgiving ever – enter our dear friends and part-time lovers, Backstreet Boys.

While we haven’t spoken about it publicly, we both had torrid affairs with all of the Backstreet Boys during the 90s (they called me their back-door boy, so sweet) and have remained close ever since.

So everybody, everywhere. Don’t be afraid, don’t have no fear … we will be making up for our broken Thanksgivings.

Everybody (yeah), rock your body (yeah), everybody, rock your body right!

Backstreet’s back, give thanks!

Picture source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Kelly Piglesworth In Blankets

Main, Party Food, Side, Snack, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Kelly, Kelly, Kelly – we barely knew thee!

While Kelly Wiglesworth was the poster-child for the concept of the entire Second Chances  season, it has widely been noted that after the first episode she disappeared – ladies and gentlemen that is because, we are 63% sure, she did.

You see, being out on location we were privy to a lot of behind the scenes content and rumours and there were definitely times when it appeared Wiggity was replaced by a hologram or a cardboard cut-out, so that she could practice yoga and avoid fielding Probsty’s questions.

We first met our dear friend Wiggity in Mexico, when we were at an exclusive health retreat (aka rehab). Wigs was the Rafting Activities Director of the retreat and fell for us because opposites attract (she loved our animated stair dancing too).

She was living far of the grid at the time, and still is, but found our passion for technological interconnectedness intriguing, arousing and mildly terrifying – our passionate devotion to her as the first, first-loser of Survivor probably helped the bond a little too.

Despite having what felt like one confessional during the entire nine episodes, Kelly will always be a star to us … despite forming a very close bond with our future lover, Joe. As an aside, how glorious was Joe’s shower scene?

Anyway, we were thrilled she was away from our man, but sad that once again she failed to join the winner’s circle – thankfully we had our Kelly Piglesworth in Blankets to cheer us up (slash soak up the alcohol from Kass and Savage’s continuing bender)

 

Kelly Piglesworth in Blankets_1

 

We’ve always been honest about our love of trashy, tasty food and our Piglesworth in Blankets definitely fit the bill – pillowy, cheesy dough, hugging a sausage? Delicious. Not dignified, but delicious.

It makes me miss Joe …

Enjoy!

 

Kelly Piglesworth in Blankets_2

 

Kelly Piglesworth in Blankets
Makes: 48 … which is enough for one disinterested castaway who got their torch snuffed for the first time after 15 years on the bench and two boozey co-jurors that are falling in love.

Ingredients
2 ½ cups plain flour
5 tsp baking powder
1 heaped tsp salt
2 tbsp grated Parmesan
1 cup milk
1 egg
3 tablespoons olive oil
48 pork chipolatas
1 egg whisked with a dash of milk, to glaze

Method
Preheat the oven to 200°C.

Place 2 cups of flour in a bowl with the salt and parmesan, combining with a fork. Beat the milk, egg and oil to combine and add to the dry ingredients, mixing as you go. Trust your gut, if the dough seems dry, add more milk, too wet, add more flour.

Split the dough into two pieces. Roll one on a lightly floured surface to make a 5mm thick rectangle. Cut the dough into 5cm-ish strips and then each strip into 7cm(again ish) lengths.

Working a chipolata at a time, wrap the dough around the sausage, squeezing the overlap together to complete the sausage-snuggie and place on a lined baking sheet. Repeat the process until the dough is gone, roll out the second sheet of dough, slice it up and repeat the wrapping.

You’ll probably need two large baking sheets.

Using a pastry brush, glaze the dough; place them in the oven and bake for 12 to 15 minutes.

Remove from the oven, leave to cool for ten/fifteen minutes and then devour … preferably with wine, Kass, Savage and a cut-out/hologram of Wiggy.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

(Oh and hi Reddit, we love you – particularly /u/Shuberto, this is for you)