This Is The End

Seth Rogen Josh

Main, Poultry

Seriously, I don’t think I’ve laughed this much in years. Like full on, deep, hearty Rogen-esque chuckles.

I’ve known my dear friend Seth since we were wee babes, well since just before we became men. You see Seth, Evan Goldberg and I attended the same bar mitzvah classes, became friends and commenced writing Superbad. It all went south, however, when they found out I wasn’t Jewish and was instead trying to find myself a boyfriend and join the moile high club.

Seth, loving his role as a (future) bear icon, didn’t mind however Evs was not thrilled and had my name struck from the Superbad script and hasn’t spoken to me since. Which, let’s be honest is a total dick move, since it puts our best friend Seth in a hella awkward place.

Given that Seth is so busy, I haven’t seen him since the premiere of Neighbours … where I caused a scene when Zac suggested we take a break. Which reminds me, that was another reason I haven’t seen Seth in years.

Thankfully, he is hella forgiving and understands that the thirst is real and Zefron floods my basement and that when Zef takes sex off the table, I go insane. After a quick apology, catch-up and subtle prying into whether he think Zef and I will get back together – FYI, he thinks there is hope for us – we sat down to a big bowl of his favourite Seth Rogen Josh.

 

 

Like Seth – and Zef, for that matter – this curry is hot, spicy and makes you feel unending joy when it is inside you, filling you up with its goodness. I got well distracted, didn’t I?

Oy – it is delicious, like Seth. Enjoy!

 

 

Seth Rogen Josh
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
thumb sized piece of fresh ginger, finely grated
4 garlic cloves, peeled and finely chopped
vegetable oil
500g chicken breast or lamb shoulder, diced
5 whole cardamom pods
1 bay leaf
3 whole cloves
5 whole peppercorns
1 cinnamon sticks
2 onions, peeled and finely chopped
½ tsp ground coriander
1 tsp cumin seeds
2 tsp paprika
½ tsp cayenne pepper
½ tsp salt
¼ cup plain yogurt
¼ tsp garam masala
fresh ground pepper
fresh coriander, to garnish

Method
Put the ginger, garlic and ¼ cup water into food processor and blitz into a smooth paste.

Heat a lug of oil in a large pot over medium heat and lightly brown the meat. Remove from the pan and set aside.

Place the cardamom, bay leaves, cloves, peppercorns and cinnamon in the meaty oil and fry, stirring, until the cloves swell and your kitchen is fragrant. Add the onions, reduce heat to low and sweat for five minutes. Add the ginger/garlic paste and fry for a minute before adding the remaining spices and cooking for a further minute.

Return the meat – and all their juices – to the pan with the yoghurt and stir until combined and cook for a couple of minutes. Add a cup of water, bring to the boil and deglaze the pan. Reduce heat to low, cover and simmer for an hour, stirring occasionally.

At the end of the hour, remove the lid and turn the heat to medium to reduce the liquid to desired consistency.

Serve with rice, garnished with some fresh coriander and your favourite sides. I recommend raita, naan and pappadums … but it is up to you. I guess.

 

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Ain’t No Party Like a Sausage Party

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Have I ever told you about the time I did good in the world?

Probs not – it was back in 2014 and I convinced my boys Ben Affleck and Seth Rogen to speak at two Senate committee meetings. It is so rare that I do something good that I forgot until Benny Aff reminded me last week.

Wanting to kind of marinate in the smug feeling I had, I reached out to Seth and thankfully he was hella keen to catch up and reconnect.

What says you’re a dear friend and I love that I can openly lust after you?

Image source: Gary Miller/Getty Images.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

AJ PecLean Pie

Backstreet's back give thanks!, Dessert, Pie, Sweets

When it comes to all-round awesomeness, it is safe to say we have left the best of the BSBs until last. AJ McLean has achieved so many things in his life that we desire, it is hard to be thankful for AJ’s success and not a tad envious.

Ben and I met AJ in the typical fashion – rehab. He was in for a stint for alcohol addiction after bandmate Kevs organised an intervention. We were in there for psychiatric assistance after trying to bump off Jonathan Lipnicki on the premise he had a punchable face.

While we bonded through finger painting and group bingo, AJ shared the tale of his incredible life. Not only had he lived close to Walt Disney World, he had also appeared on the legendary Nickelodeon classics GUTS and Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Swoon.

AJ, thanks for putting our somewhat mediocre lives into perspective. It’s always good to remember that if you haven’t made it on GUTS (or better yet, legends of the hidden temple) you are an unlovable loser who doesn’t deserve happiness.

 

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Today we give thanks for the Gods that are the Backstreet Boys! And for a valid reason to eat delicious, delicious AJ PecLean Pie.

 

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AJ PecLean Pie
Serves: 12.

Ingredients
1 9″ deep dish pie shell
1 cup brown sugar
1 ½ cups golden syrup
⅓ cup melted salted butter
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
4 eggs
2 cups pecans

Method
Preheat oven  to 180C. In a saucepan, combine brown sugar and golden syrup and gently boil for approximately 3 minutes.

While syrup and sugar is cooking, break eggs into bowl of stand mixer and very gently beat until yolks and whites are combined.

Once syrup mixture is ready, set stand mixer with eggs on lowest mixing speed. Gently pour in syrup while eggs are mixing, allowing them to temper. Do not let mixture froth up.

Once syrup and eggs are combined, stir in melted butter, vanilla and pecans. Pour filling into prepared pie shell and bake for 40-45 minutes or until just set. Refrigerate for 3-4 hours or until cool. Serve with whipped cream and no regrets.

 

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Brined Littrell Turkey

Backstreet's back give thanks!, Main

While our relationship with his cousin Kevs started off strained, there has never been anything but love between us and Brian. That probably had something to do with the fact we were wooing him to bring Kevs down.

Despite our nefarious plot to use Brian as our pawn, the sweet, delightful guy won us over and helped us heal our issues with Kevin and our broken dreams.

Brian has always had to struggle what with his heart defect and vocal cord dysphonia, yet he has always handled himself with such grace and kindness. Being our polar opposite, we find that intriguing and exciting and have endeavoured to stay close ever since.

Don’t tell him, but we secretly tried to bring down Nick after he bullied him due to his vocal cord issues – no one messes with our sweet, delicate angel. (We made up though obviously, we had to find someone to help us bring Bindi down).

Our friendship with Brian, and I don’t think I am overstating this, has been the most nourishing, fulfilling and generous (non-sexual) relationship in our lives which made our thanksgiving menu planning a breeze.

I mean, what is more nourishing and fulfilling than a Brined Littrell Turkey?

 

Brined Littrell Turkey_1

 

While turkey and the rest of its friends in the poultry family have a nasty habit of going dry, a perfectly brined bird maintains the moistness of the meat and infuses it with a flavour you can’t resist.

Enjoy!

 

Brined Littrell Turkey_2

 

Brined Littrell Turkey
Serves: 12.

Ingredients
4 cups water
¾ cup maldon salt
½ cup honey
4 cups salt-reduced chicken stock
1 tbsp peppercorns
8 sprigs fresh rosemary, to brine
fresh turkey, size 50, neck and giblets removed for the gravy (discard liver)
1 small onion, peeled and quartered
1 fuji apple, quartered
1 bulb garlic, halved
4 sprigs rosemary, for baking
⅓ cup olive oil

Method
The day before you plan to eat, make the brine by bringing the water, salt, honey, stock, peppercorns and rosemary to the boil in a large saucepan, stirring to dissolve salt. Cool to room temperature.

Once cooled, place brine mixture in a large clean bucket or pot and add 4 litres of iced water. Place turkey in the liquid, breast side down to avoid tit-soup, cover and refrigerate overnight, ensuring the turkey is fully submerged. You may need to add more cold water.

To roast the turkey, preheat oven to 160C.

Remove turkey from brine (discard the liquid, definitely don’t drink it) and rinse thoroughly, inside and out, with cool water and dry thoroughly. Season the turkey cavity with salt and pepper and stuff with onion, apple, garlic and rosemary. Place on a roasting rack inside a large roasting pan, tucking the wings back. Rub the turkey with oil and season with salt and pepper. Cover the breast portion with foil and place on the lowest rack in oven (aka the only one that will allow it to fit) and roast for two hours.

Remove the foil and increase the heat up to 220C and roast for a further 45 minutes. Remove the turkey from the oven and insert a thermometer between the breast and thigh (avoiding bones), if it is 75C it is ready.

Remove turkey from the pan, place on a large platter and tent with foil to rest for 20 minutes. Carve, devour, etc.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Howie Doriesling Gravy

Backstreet's back give thanks!, Condiment, Dip, Side

Oh em gee – where do I start telling you about our friendship with Howie D? While most people spent the 90s jonesing for our rehab-roomie Nicky Carts, I spent my time lusting after the sexiest Puerto Rican this side of EPCOT.

Our relationship started like a passionate, gender-flipped version of West Side Story until Howie discovered I wasn’t a woman and gently explained that he didn’t reciprocate my love.

After a brief period apart, we were reunited by Annelie (who was more successful in bedding him) and our close bond was restored – fun fact, As Long As You Love Me is about my friendship with Howie.

Lacking any meaning in his life after his break-up with Annelie, we helped Howie back on the right path (not stuff) and introduced him to some of our friends and ta-dah, that is how Backstreet Boys were formed.

As a reminder, you really should be thankful for our work in building a boy band!

While Howie and my love fizzled out, nothing could come between us and our passionate love of guzzling sweet, salty, creamy liquid … like our Howie Doriesling Gravy.

 

Howie Doriesling Gravy_1

 

While riesling is literally the worst wine excluding moscato, it works in the gravy by cutting through the salty pan juices and bone broth. It is so good, you’ll even consider having it with meat rather than in a glass.

Enjoy!

 

Howie Doriesling Gravy_2

 

Howie Doriesling Gravy
Makes: 2-3 cups.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
turkey neck and giblets (from the turkey we are yet to cook)
1 onion, diced
1 carrot, diced
3 cups chicken stock
1 cup Riesling
3 tbsp unsalted butter
¼ cup flour
¼ cup flat-leaf parsley, finely chopped
2 stems rosemary, leaves removed and finely chopped
3 sprigs fresh thyme, leaves removed and finely chopped

Method
Heat oil in a large saucepan and fry the turkey neck and giblets with the onions and carrots until lightly browned. Add the chicken stock and bring to the boil. Reduce to a simmer and cook for an hour. Strain the liquid, discarding the solids and refrigerate until ready to use.

While the turkey (which we are about to make) rests, empty the pan drippings into a measuring cup and place in the freezer for 15 minutes. Remove and skim off the fat.

Use the riesling to deglaze the roasting pan over medium heat. Add in both the giblet stock and pan drippings and bring to a simmer. Once bubbling as vigorously as a Backstreet concert, whisk in the butter and the flour. Continue stirring until the gravy is thickened and remove from heat.

Stir in chopped herbs and add salt and pepper to taste. Drink … or serve with turkey.

About that …

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Kevin SwissChardson

Backstreet's back give thanks!, Side

Second only to our love of reality TV is our love of all things Disney. It is a little known secret that Ben and I actually first met Kevin Richardson working at Disney World.

You see, Kevin was a character actor at the esteemed Walt Disney World (before they banned facial hair). And he was not just any character, he was Aladdin AND also appeared as several of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. As you would know, Ben and I had previously failed to secure roles in the Lifetime straight to TV Turtles movie, with our nemesis Woo Hwang stealing the roles from under our noses.

In order to secure the coveted character parts, I was working on a machine that would ensure Kevin met a somewhat un-glamorous end. Meanwhile, Ben was moonlighting as the Little Mermaid in an attempt to get closer to Kevin and lure him into our creepy, dark and terrifying contraption. Kevin eventually took the bait, but instead of smashing his beautiful face into a million pieces he had a fantastic time. Yes – the ride now known as space mountain began as a covert mission to nix Kevsy Richardson.

Anyways, once Kevsy had experienced the thrill of space mountain, he was set on a path of enlightment and purpose. He was recruited into the Backstreet Boys shortly thereafter.

 

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For Thanksgiving, we wanted to transport Kevs back to his days as a caped green crusader. While it isn’t a pepperoni pizza, the Kevin SwissChardson is a verdant tribute to our mutual love of TMNT.

 

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Kevin SwissChardson
Serves: 4

Ingredients
1 large bunch swiss chard
2 tablespoons salted butter
4 tablespoons slivered almonds

Method
Using a sharp knife, carefully remove the stems of the chard and discard

Heat a frypan over medium heat and add butter. Once melted, add the chard and gently saute until just wilted and tender.

Mix through almonds and serve.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Nick Ciabatta Stuffing

Backstreet's back give thanks!, Side

While we have all had countless stints in rehab, we surprisingly didn’t meet our dear friend, 90s teen heart-throb Nick Carter, while receiving treatment.

It was 1990 and we were all on the set of Edward Scissorhands – I was coaching Winona to shoplift and Annelie, at the time, was Vincent Price’s lover when a young Nick Carter appeared on the set as an extra.

While Annelie and I initially felt superior to the young extra, a chance meeting while waiting for our mutual dealer on the studio backlot bonded us for life and we became inseparable.

Over the coming months, we helped foster young Nicky’s talent and encouraged him to start a boyband to rival our frenemies NKOTB (I had a messy break-up with Jonathan). I am not overstating it when I say that we are the reason for the Backstreet Boys. You’re welcome.

Nicky has had many ups and downs over the years, none lower than when he lost Hizza Duff as a future sister-in-law, but we have always stayed close to him and offered him questionable guidance, love and support.

As a finalist in Dancing with the Stars, Nick was only able to stay and celebrate Thanksgiving with us for a short time but knew that the catch-up could prove handy in defeating our soul-less teen compatriate Bindi-Sue.

Thankfully our Nick Ciabatta Stuffing was a dream to whip up – hopefully it is enough to bring Bindi (by name and nature) down.

 

Nick Ciabatta Stuffing_1

 

While Christmas is the time most people want to whip out their (chest)nuts for a roasting, there is nothing better than this rich, creamy stuffing thanks to those beautiful nuts.

So give thanks, for Nick being a babe and beautiful nuts – enjoy!

 

Nick Ciabatta Stuffing_2

 

Nick Ciabatta Stuffing
Serves: 6

Ingredients
85g butter
230g pancetta, cut into ¼ inch cubes
2 large onions, diced
2 carrots, diced
2 celery stalks, diced
3 garlic cloves, chopped
2 tablespoons fresh rosemary leaves, chopped
455g portabello mushrooms, finely diced
salt and black pepper, to taste
420g roasted, peeled chestnuts, coarsely chopped
⅔ cup parmesan cheese, grated
455g day old ciabatta bread, cut into ¾ inch cubes
1 cup chicken stock, plus more if needed
2 large eggs, beaten
¼ cup fresh Italian parsley leaves, chopped

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Melt 30g of butter in a large heavy frying pan over medium heat. Add the pancetta and sauté until crisp and golden. Transfer to a plate lined with a paper towel.

Melt the remaining butter in the pan and add the onions, carrots, celery, garlic, rosemary and mushrooms. Seasoning to taste. Sauté until the onions are soft, sweet and tender.

In a large bowl, add the sautéed vegetables, chopped chestnuts, parmesan and bread. Pour in the stock to moisten everything before adding the cooked pancetta and eggs. Season the stuffing to taste and add the parsley. Stir to completely combine all the ingredients.

Pour all of the stuffing in a large baking dish and bake until the top is golden and crisp, about 30 minutes.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Gin Fizz Ansari

Drink, Treat Yo' Self Week

Every Queen, like Retta and myself, must have a King and you can not celebrate Treat Yo’ Self Week without its’ King, our dear friend and kindred bling spirit, Aziz Ansari.

I first connected with Aziz when we travelled back in time to join the Parks writer’s room in 2009 where I became his pet project where he tried to make my unending confidence and love of pop culture and excess likeable – or in the likeness of Tom Haverford.

Aziz, bless him, didn’t realise how hard that task would be – what with my passion for feuding and acid throwing – but he was committed to the project and by 2012 had succeed in making me a barely functioning adult that was tolerated in society.

Following Aziz’s success in transforming my life, we had planned to take the self-improvement system/cult global and rip of millions of people however Aziz being Aziz, was too successful selling out The Garden, writing books and starring in a hit sitcom to continue with the scheme.

Oh, plus he is super nice and thought the cult aspects I was pushing were wrong. Whatevs.

Being renowned foodies, Aziz and I try to stay abreast of the best on the scene – fun fact, I was an integral part of the insemination of The Food Club, however was disbarred after I misunderstood the context of the word insemination. Thankfully is Aziz is such a champ that he never held it against me so we still catch-up to discuss the scene, generally over my renowned Gin Fizz Ansari.

 

Gin Fizz Ansari_1

 

I first took to Gin when I discovered it was the liquor of choice of all the best, depressive writers, and realised I was desperately in need of any and all help to hone my craft. Knowing this, I took my gin fizz –  all light, tart and refreshing – over to help while Aziz was writing his book and needless to say, he was a fan.

Boozing with the boys? Treat. Yo’. SELF.

 

Gin Fizz Ansari_2

 

Gin Fizz Ansari
Makes: 1

Ingredients
shot of gin (or two, no judgement)
15ml freshly squeezed lemon juice
pinch caster sugar
½ cup soda water
lemon slice, to serve

Method
Place gin, lemon juice, caster sugar and soda water in a cocktail shaker. Unlike the name and Bond’s preference stir, otherwise you may end up with an explosion and who can be bothered cleaning when you could be drinking?

Pour into a glass. Guzzle.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.