A royal(ish) affair

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Given I have been back for five weeks now, I decided it was high time I celebrate my success with a little bit of pomp and circumstance. And given most of the top tier royals are busy or busy feuding, I opted to reach out to my dearest Zara Phillips.

That being said, while Zara doesn’t have the status of being one of Chuckie’s kids or even a child of one of her uncles – fuck patriachy – that is really a blessing, as she is sweet, down to earth and thankfully can live a real life.

Plus – it means she can drop by on record as the first blood relative of Lizzie without fear of retribution.

What do I make worthy of that honour and the icon that is Zara?

Image source: Unknown.

 

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My favourite screamer

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Can you believe I’m still kicking along after close to a month back on – or off, I don’t know – the wagon of documenting my celebrity dates?

No? Me neither.

I mean, I welcomed a new nephew last week – which is always time consuming when you’re bound to be their favourite – and am working through the trauma of the Ekka is in town and seeing a rooster on a footpath next to the Brisbane River, so the fact that I am still awake and coherent is a shock to even me.

Thankfully when I was at my lowest point yesterday, I received a call from my dear friend Keke Palmer suggesting she come right over to give me a pep and keep focused on sharing my celebrity life with you.

That made me think of three things, a) Is she psychic, b) can I love her any more and c) what the hell am I going to make TV’s reigning scream queen?

Image source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Once Upon a Time on … the Goldy

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I hope that you’re as shocked as I am that I have now gone three weeks in a row consistently documenting my celebrity catch-ups slash commiseration cooking for reality losers.

And while my triumphant return needed one of my most iconic friends on board – love you Ames – and week two called for a steamy date with my beloved Sterling, I wanted week three to feel a little bit more like home. Which is why the divine Margot Robbie is dropping by this week.

Marg and I have known each other for well over fifteen years, after growing up together on the Gold Coast. Fun fact: coming from the Gold Coast legally requires you to aggressively talk about being from the Gold Coast whenever you aren’t on the Gold Coast. But that is another story for another time.

What says I am not angry that I wasn’t invited to the Once Upon a Time in … Hollywood premiere – Quentin is a few months away from dropping my restraining order, I feel it – slash can you finally get me a job on Neighbours?

Image source: Neighbours / Channel 10.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Sterling K. Brown looking beautiful in This Is Us.

I wish this was just us

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Do I have good news for you? Not only have I managed to stick around for a second consecutive week, my dear friend Sterling K. Brown is also making himself available for a quick pre-This Is Us season 4 commencement date.

While most people met and instantly fell in love with Sterl in American Crime Story, I’ve known and loved him since his appearance in the little watched Tarzan series in the early noughts.

I was dating Travis Fimmel at the time – and also part of Lucy Lawless’ entourage – but I was completely blown away by Sterl’s talent. And as is oft the case, I vowed to make him a star.

Given he ending up starring as the son of my dear friends Milo and Mandy, I think you can tell that I was successful. What do I make for my hot, hot friend?

Image source: This Is Us / NBC.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders 2019 cast prior to commencing the game, being voted out and having food smeared over their faces.

2 champs, 2 chumps, Tokyo drift etc.

Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

So it turns out that my return to this anthropological patch of cyberspace once again coincides with the return of Australian Survivor.

Call it fate, a passion for documenting my thirst thanks to Australian Survivor’s liberal stance on nudity – come through David, Shaun and Matt – Sue’s big move or JLP’s guns, but I just don’t know how to quit heading out to a tropical island to provide culinary comfort to reality television losers.

While I am still salty about not being asked to lead the Champions tribe – for the second year in a row – the chance to support and shade in equal measure is a responsibility I do not take lightly. Plus, between Locky in 2017, and last year’s Contender boys and Grubby, they really offer up too much nudity to say no to.

So buckle in, sit back and enjoy the ride to find out who will follow in the footsteps of Shane Gould and prove not to be fucked with. And check back tomorrow to find out who will become the first boot.

Image source: Nigel Wright / TEN.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

So I’m a little bit late this Mon-dee

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So remember that other time (or two) I said I wouldn’t disappear without a trace for months ever again? Well it happened. But bear with me, ok?

It was all an elaborate plan to fool you into thinking I was on Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders II as a Champion blogger/chef/internet celebrity/philanthripist/ventriloquist/triple threat/model/international lifestyle brand. But alas, nobody even speculated about my inclusion.

Conveniently that long con also coincided with a time in my life where I was struggling and needed to take a step back. My beloved, adorably sassy puppy passed away after an all too brief life and I didn’t want to run the risk of dealing with hate – looking at you, Tyra Sanchez and she who shall not be named – when I lost the unconditional love and high-fives of a 2kg puppy.

Anyway, last week I reached out to global icon Amy Sedaris to congratulate her on her latest Emmy nomination which quickly turned into a pep talk.

“Ben. BEN,” she screeched in her best Mimi Kanasis. “Sweetheart, you need to get back on the internet thing you say isn’t a blog but is clearly just a blog.”

“The anthropological study?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I love you, illiteracy is hilarious – you know I said that to RuPaul and Michelle that one time – and you need to bring joy to the people by showing them that celebrities make a mess of themselves while eating. We’re like real people.

“I’m on the next plane out, so you better cook up something better than you served David, ok?”

Sooooo, what do I make for my semi-triumphant return?

Image source: TruTV.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Four and three and two and done

Four and Three and Two and Done: A Farewell to Broad City, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Grab your Bingo Bronson and hold him tight, because Broad City is finishing this week … and that is not right.

Sorry, I am too sad to even continue rhyming, so that concludes the Dr. Silky Ganache Seuss portion of the post.

I mean, I am so sad I can’t even get off to Kirk Steele’s films.

But I will power through my grief because kweens Ilana and arse-of-an-angel Abbi have brought joy to our hearts for five seasons, and they deserve to be honoured.

So grab a drink from your favourite speakeasy, pop on Val’s latest record and get ready to farewell Broad City.

And Garol. Never forget Garol.

And TBH, if you hate what I make, you can always get Ripa to buy pizza for after!

Image source: Broad City / Comedy Central.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Dog days aren’t over

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I’ve had a stressful few months since becoming a puppy parent – or pawrent, if you’d like to make me cringe. My sweet little puppy has hydrocephalus, which has stunted her growth and now every member of the public feels they can approach me in the street for a free meet and greet and to comment on her size.

It is exhausting and oft infuriating, and when I was last telling my girl Florence Welch about it she could tell that I am close to breaking point. Barely five minutes after hanging up, I got a message that simply read, “I’ll be over tomorrow.”

I burst into tears and thanked her – of course it is Florence who will raise me up, raise me up.

What do I make to thank her for making me feel like I’ve got the love?

Image source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Walk With You

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

I’ve been quite emotional with the tragic passing of my dear Luke, which got me thinking about all the other angels that have touched my life.

Which in turn reminded me that my dear Della Reese left the world just over a year ago, and I really could have used her support right about now.

As such, I’m backing the delorean out of the garage and heading back to the TBAA days to get some spiritual guidance.

What says I need you to walk with me while I work through this tragic loss, without mentioning said tragic loss and causing a butterfly effect?

Image source: Touched by an Angel.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Here I Go Again

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

TBH, I don’t always know where I’m goin’ and nor am I even sure I know where I’ve been. Hanging on the promises in songs of yesterday, I’ve made up my mind, I ain’t wasting no more time.

JK Kimora, this whole patch of cyberspace is made to waste my time. So here I go again, here I go again.

Tho’ I keep searching for an answer and have no idea what I’m looking for – oh Lord – I know my dear Tawny can give me, strength to carry on. ‘Cause I know won’t let me walk along the lonely street of dreams.

Here I go again, though not on my own. So what do I make my dear friend when she comes down the only road I’ve called home – this year – and makes sure I’m not like a drifter that was born to walk alone?

Please help: I need to make up my mind, I can’t waste no more time.

Image source: Whitesnake film clip.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.