In the words of my dear friend, oft lover and pit crew fan Katya, welcome to the hunger games bitches! Yes – the lights have finally gone up on All Stars 2 and the world, let’s be honest, is far better for it.
After my girl Katya – who is truly the number one hooker with a heart of gold – entered the work room, we discovered that Detox – allegedly – got fat, Alyssa Edwards lost the back rolls and found her way back to the mirror, Phi Phi returned to work through the riddle of her villainous persona, the glamour toad hopped back into our hearts, my exe/nemesis Roxxxy returned to rehab her image, Coco Montrese returned with the greatest workroom entrance of all time – orange you glad she came back for that alone? – Alaska returned to remind us that ‘Lil Pound Cake is the greatest muppet ever made, Tatianna was thankful to get another shot and Adore reminded us that watching a trainwreck can be fun.
Mama Ru then entered the fray to drop the bomb that she wouldn’t be eliminating any Queens this season. While you could smell a twist coming a mile away, dear Katya took it at face value and reminded me that I really should stop getting her to do my taxes.
So with a twist hinted at, we got straight ru it and opened the library for the girls to get busy reading – I mean, it is fundamental after all – before we got all started with a main stage talent show, featuring singing, attempted singing, gymnastics, spoken word, dancing and an elderly woman taking speed and wandering around in her nightie to a jaunty tune.
Disappointingly my nemesis, Roxxy, made her way into the top two with the queen of manners, while Adore, Phi Phi and her missing notes and Coco made their way into the bottom. As was alruded to early in the show, Ru didn’t eliminate any of the queens leaving it in the hands of the winner of the lip sync.
With Michelle not adoring Adore, she opted to tear her a brand new arsehole and left the poor messy, bird begging to be eliminated before Roxxy – and I’m as shocked as anyone – was kind, sweet and provided her with the support she needed to stay in the game.
I mean, is Roxxy actually going to get her rudemption? And if so, are we going to have angry make-up sex?
I am guessing, maybe and definitely respectively. I mean, we’d be twinning.
Despite Phi-squared’s very lax stance on a key, Roxxy chose to send Coco back to the nursing home and into my warm embrace and a big platter of my famed Breakfast Tacoco Montrese.
I am of the firm belief that everything is better at breakfast – add some eggs, and I’m yours. Like my dear friend Coco – we used to be on the pageant circuit together … I actually got Alyssa disqualified so Coco could snatch her crown, leading to the infamous feud – these tacos are a little bit hot, a little bit spicy and a bit too fucking orange. But orange you glad about that? I sure am – enjoy!
Breakfast Tacoco Montrese
2 chorizo sausages, casings removed
1 large sweet potato, peeled, cut into 2cm pieces
½ tsp ground chilli
¼ tsp cayenne pepper
½ tsp dried oregano
¼ tsp ground cumin
1 onion, diced
400g black beans
8 large eggs
salt and pepper, to taste
2 tbsp unsalted butter
8 flour tortillas, warmed
2 avocados, mashed
¼ cup sour cream
1 tbsp fresh lime juice
coriander leaves, to garnish
Heat a medium frying pan over high heat and fry the chorizo, breaking up the meat as you go, until browned and glorious. Remove the cooked choriso using a slotted spoon to a paper towel to drain.
Using the beautifully smoky oil, add the sweet potato and onion and fry until the potato is looking fucking orange, girl and cooked through, about ten minutes. Add in the herbs, spices and beans and cook for a minute to release the flavours. Remove from the heat.
Whisk the eggs in a medium bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper. Melt the butter into a frying pan over medium heat until it is starting to foam and smell delicious. Reduce the heat to low and add the egg. When it starts to bubble around the edge, grab a spatula and drag it from around the edges and through the middle to form large curds. When they are just about set, remove from the heat, stir through the chorizo and allow the residual heat to finish them off.
While the eggs are finishing themselves off – foxy minx’s – mix the sour cream and lime together in a small bowl and mash the avos into a guac (seasoning well and adding a squirt of lime juice).
Now build them – smear some avo on the tortillas, layer on the sweet potato mixture, the egg-chorizo combo and top with some lime crema and some coriander.
Devour and await your revenge … I wish I could spoil the next big twist.