Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race the queens were divided into two teams to star in parody movies based on breakthrough Oscar winning hits while Yvie and Scarlet carried Good God Girl, Get Out!, it was Vanjie’s dorky dad and Mercedes pronunciation that truly stole the show. And well Why It Gotta Be Black, Panther? showed that Brooke can act as well as Kameron did last season. Scarlet and Yvie managed to score a joint win, while Mercedes landed in the bottom with Kahanna who was a total mess on the runway. And despite being a killer lip syncer, was bested by Mercedes who was fierce as hell.

Back in the Werk Room the queens paid tribute to Kahanna’s sweetheart and congratulated Mercedes on her killer lip sync, which kinda made Vanjie intimidated despite the fact she thinks Mercedes sucks at everything. Talk turned to Yvie and Scarlet’s wins, with Nina disappointed that she didn’t perform well at something she should have. Ariel too was upset, given that she bombed and really wants to prove that she can be an entertainer. Though given how Silky read her for filth – in confessional obviously – for being an Instagram Queen, my thinks she has an uphill battle ahead of her.

The next day the queens arrived to discover that this week’s challenge they’ll be taken to church, though not until competing in a mini-challenge where the queens would have to hang by the stage door at a Seduction contest and try and talk themselves backstage. The girls raced to get into quick drag and see if they could be the two to make things go right. Brooke went first and served Canadian cute, Honey was beige, Plastique was funny, Mercedes is an icon and I love her, Vanjie was hilarious, Scarlet was a mess – in a good way – A’Keria was sassy as hell, Shuga was Shuga – which I like – Ra’Jah made me chortle, Ariel was awks, Yvie was funny and Nina was hilarious, though it would be nepotism if she wins given she is Michelle’s girl and Silky almost broke the set. Nina and Ra’jah were declared the winners and in addition to underwear gift cards, they get to select teams for this week’s challenge where they will host she-vangelical talk-shows dedicated to  teach the children about a pop diva.

Nina called on Silky, Yvie, Vanjie, Brooke and Ariel while Ra’jah converted Shuga, Scarlet, Plastique, Honey and A’Keria, leaving Mercedes to join Nina’s team. Nina was thrilled to have another acting challenge and vowed to make it her defining moment. The team got to work picking out a diva, with them settling on Britney Spears and Ariel hoping to get some attention by singing a duet with Silky, which filled the latter with rage. Nina and Brooke locked themselves in as hosts, while Vanjie was chosen to convert the queens, while Yvie and Mercedes were tasked with being the non-fans. While Yvie and Ariel tried to help bring her out of her shell, Mercedes still seemed to be super shy. Meanwhile Ra’Jah’s team listed their broad range of diva loves, so instead settled on Mariah, despite not knowing much about her. A’Keria locked in her role as the non-believer, Honey jumped at the chance to lead the music ministry with Ra’Jah as she was sick of being stuck in the middle. The queens turned to Shuga for more information about Mariah, though admitted that she has a terrible memory and can’t really listed any. With Honey seemingly the only one concerned that they don’t know anything about her, though not enough to notice Ra’Jah singing Whitney’s So Emotional, rather than Emotions.

Before we could see more cars crash, Ru arrived to see how the queens were going. Nina’s team were locked in on the It’s Britney Bitch Network, dedicated to the one Ms Spears, and while Ru didn’t seemed convinced, Vanjie reminded her that you always see evangelical shows when you wake up after passing out on the couch. And I feel super seen. Ru called out Ariel for underperforming last week, and encouraged them all to find their own rhythms rather than just bringing out the same tricks and blending in. With Ru’s sermon, the girls were motivated and I don’t see them losing TBH. Meanwhile the other group were proving how screwed they are, with Ru quizzing them on Mariah and each time, the queens coming up with nothing. These girls need Shangela here, right now. While A’Keria and Ra’Jah seemed nervous after talking to Ru, Scarlet assured them they would be fine and I can already hear Ron Howard telling me that they will not in fact be fine.

Team Nina arrived to shoot their performance with Ross, with Yvie nervous about being stuck with last week’s bottom queens. Though she shouldn’t be, since Nina nailed it from the very first frame, Brooke proved better than last week, shading Christina and talking about being filled up and now I am moister than an oyster. Vanjie arrived to convert non-believers Mercedes and Yvie, and fuck she is charming as hell and I could just watch her yelling at me all day. Yvie was delightfully goth until Vanjie shaved her head into being a believer, while Mercedes struggled to land her lines, she flicked the hell out of hair and got there in the end. Ariel and Silky finally arrived to deliver the Britney Spirit via song, and I just can’t wait to see how bad the other team are. Because Team Nina have this in the bag.

Speaking of which, team Mariah arrived and while Scarlet and Shuga worked hard to get the vibe of the evangelical hosts, Scarlet struggled to remember her lines and all their references were super obvious. And it just got more and more awkward as they went along. Not even Plastique could salvage the mess with her conversion segment, nor could A’Keria’s confused Ariana fan. They then called Glitter, Sparkle and oh god. While Ra’Jah and Honey were confident their singing would save them, however they spent so long leading up to it, I almost fell over their stumbles. And well, Mariah’s new year’s performance was more successful and rehearsed and I know why it was so hard to edit this evenly, because there was no hiding this loss. I mean, Ross told them all to bring it on the runway because he knew it was that bad.

Elimination Day rolled around with Shuga super nervous about their performance, while Honey started to realise that while she felt good about the performance, she may be having a case of the Milks and not noticing how bad she was. In the world of Whoopi, you in danger girl! We then got to see Brooke call Vanjie papi which feels super problematic, however they are in love, kissed and I kinda ship them. A’Keria was kiki-ing with the winning team instead of getting ready for the runway, while everyone was questioning Mercedes about being a Muslim from a place I believe was kind and wanting to learn about her, but Mercedes seemed so conditioned to not talking about it that it made her uncomfortable. And that children is everything that is wrong with the world and she should be able to feel comfortable to talk about her beliefs. The queens started talking about their own experiences with religion, with Shuga reminding me about the time I got in trouble for laughing when during church when the priest tried to sing, and couldn’t find the key like Phi Phi O’Hara. Yvie got her dick out while she painted her entire body pink and then painted her crack, and I’m not sure if I love it or want to vomit.

On the mainstage Michelle said it best about Honey’s fringe outfit, as she totally channeled videotape. Scarlet was angelic, Shuga was inspired by Native American prints, Plastique was glittery, glam and seemed inspired by Ariana Grande while A’Keria look like she walked into a chandelier. In a good way. Ra’Jah was red hot – like Bryce – Nina was a shimmery car wash, Brooke was a stunning flower in full bloom, Vanjie served Latina Cher while Yvie owned as a pink jellyfish and I live. Mercedes looked like an exploding highlighter, Ariel was serving disc-on-disc-on-disc and Silky was a beauty in blue. We all saw the performances, so obviously Nina’s team won, with the leader finally snagging her first victory. With the winner’s gone, the judges praised Scarlet’s outfit, though pointed out that she clearly had no idea about Mariah. Shuga got the exact same critiques as Scarlet, Plastique’s performance was read for filth though she admitted that she had no idea about pop culture until a few years ago. This lead to Ru questioning why they selected someone that nobody knew, but none of them had an answer. A’Keria’s look was praised, though her performance was confusing. Honey’s look was praised, though her performance was completely read for filth, leading to her talking about being stuck in her head. Ra’Jah too was read for filth, with Michelle in particular getting offended by her bodysuit.

Ross reiterated that they were obviously the worst, with Ru summing it up as them bombing – “stink, stank, stunk.” She then asked them who fucked up, with honey saying she should have spoken up for something better, while everyone else gave the Miss Congeniality responses and said they all dropped the ball, with no one in particular screwing them over. This appeared to enrage Ru to no end, which lead to quite possibly the biggest gag of any season – sorry Bebe – with Ru forcing all of the bottom queens to lip sync for their lives. Ra’Jah tried to commend the stage, Honey death dropped off it, Plastique was hair flicking and splitting, Honey crawled around the floor, wigs were flying, chandeliers dropping and Honey awkwardly rolled back on to the stage. Ultimately Plastique was the first to be called safe, followed by Ra’Jah, Scarlet, A’Keria and finally a broken Shuga Cain, sending Honey from the competition.

My poor Honey was shell shocked by the time she arrived at my camp stove just off camera in the Werk Room, with tears still streaming from her face while clutching her RuPaul trophy. I immediately took her in my arms and reminded her that while she may have been hidden by the edit – or be, at that point in the timeline – she will always hold the distinction of going out on an iconic note. Which is something that Cirie Fields can draw strength from too. While that didn’t stop the tears right away, the sight of my Honey Jumblenport sure helped turn her frown upside down.

Sweet and spicy, these little babies are the perfect snack to while away an afternoon, sweeten a sad soul AND put a fire back in your belly.

Enjoy!

Honey Jumblenport
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
60g butter, chopped
½ cup honey
¼ cup muscovado sugar
1 ½ cups flour
½ tsp bicarb soda
1 tsp ground ginger
½ tsp cinnamon
½ tsp mixed spice
¼ tsp ground cloves
1 tbsp milk
1 egg white
1 ½ cups icing sugar, sifted
1 lemon, juiced
pink food colouring, as desired

Method
Combine butter, honey and sugar in a small saucepan and cook, stirring, until butter has melted. Crank the heat, bring to the boil and pour into a large bowl to rest for 10 minutes.

Sift the flour, bicarb and spices over the sticky syrup, add the milk and whisk to combine. Cover and leave to cool for an hour or so, or until the mixture is thick and workable.

Preheat oven to 160°C.

Transfer dough to a floured surface and knead for a minute or so, to get it malleable. Divide into quarters, roll each into logs and cut into fifths. Place on lined baking sheets, leaving room for the biscuits to spread. Place in the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until golden.

Leave the biscuits to rest on the tray for ten minutes before transferring to a cooling rack to cool completely.

To ice, whisk the egg white until thick and foamy. Gradually beat in the icing sugar and lemon juice until combined. Divide the icing into two and mix a couple of drops of pink dye into one of the bowls. Ice half the biscuits with pink icing, the other with the white, and leave to set for half an hour.

Then devour.

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