And just like that, we have a winner!
After being robbed of countless challenge wins throughout the competition, Bob reluctantly handed the crown over to Sasha who vowed to change the world before a ceremonial victory prance.
From the start of the finale, the crowd went wild for Sasha who was thrilled to finally lip sync, having made it through to the finals without ever being in the bottom. After addressing the urban legend, which I can confirm is true (that she appears behind people that look sad in the mirror to give them a lecture on queer herstory), my nemesis Katy Perry appeared via video to declare herself as part of Team Sasha before filling out the Velour Dynasty and introducing Papa Velour to us, who was absolutely adorable.
On paper, she may have only had two challenge wins up her sleeve, but there is no denying that she was a front runner from the start. She had a clear artistic vision which she never wavered from, but at the same time was able to expertly work into her performance in every challenge.
There is no denying that while some of the other girls competed up to the finale, Sasha continued to werk it until the crown was firmly on her head. Both of her lip sync performances and their gimmicks were iconic, and she finally made me feel ok about Ongina losing out on season 1. Because yes, all bald queens look the same (or something).
In honour of our eventually drunken celebrations of her victory, I whipped up a ‘uge serve of my Sashwarma Velour.
Meaty, spicy and full of a delicious white nectar, my shawarma fills all the right holes and you with joy. I mean, I know Sash is vegetarian and all … but at least it wasn’t a year’s supply of Hamburger Mary’s? Plus – vegetarians eat chicken, don’t they?
Condragulations Sasha – while the surprise of the finale may have upset some people, you truly slayed the competition and are more than worthy of your crown. Enjoy!
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp ground coriander
1 tbsp ground cumin, plus 1 tsp for yoghurt dressing
1 tbsp ground cardamom
1 tsp ground cayenne pepper
1 tsp chilli flakes
2 tsp smoked paprika
salt and pepper, to taste
1 lemon, juiced
3 tbsp olive oil
500g chicken thighs
6 flatbreads or pitas
1 cup Greek yoghurt
lettuce, roughly chopped
100g danish feta, crumbled
Combine two garlic cloves, the spices, a good whack of salt and pepper, a couple of tablespoons of lemon juice and the oil in a large bowl, and stir to combine. Add the chicken thighs and toss through to coat. Cover and leave to marinate overnight.
Flash forward to the next day, an hour or so before you’re ready to eat.
Preheat the oven to 180°C.
Combine the yoghurt, the teaspoon of cumin, a bit of lemon juice and a whack of salt and pepper in a jug and stir until well combined. Cover and transfer to the fridge.
Transfer the chicken to a wire rack over a baking sheet and bake in the oven for about twenty minutes, or until just cooked through. Allow to rest for five minutes before roughly chopping the meat.
To serve, heat the flatbreads/pitas in a dry frying pan for about 30 seconds before transferring to a plate. Smear with some yoghurt dressing, top with some salad, chicken, feta and another drizzle of dressing. Then devour, greedily, in triumph.