You all know that US-A is a-ok, and, well, while Amer-i-can, she tragically couldn’t – Hiz is the OG Shea Couleé – and that is just way too heartbreaking for you, me and Carole Radziwill.

Given that reality is way too depressing and Trinity Taylor’s likeability has softened me to the pageant world, I thought it best to honour Independence Day by celebrating the greatest film of all time, Drop Dead Gorgeous.

So grab your best lutefisk, prep your giant parade swan, melt a beer can to your hand and get ready to cheer on the huskies, are all the things that are great about America – Mount Rose, Adam West, my brother Peter, Days of our Lives, Butterick Pattern 7432, medical science replacing the skin from my belly with skin from my butt, Soylent Green, and my daughter … Rebecca. Ann. LEEEMAAAANNNNNN.

And obvi, Sarah Rose Cosmetics. Now where the hell is my waiter?

Wait, that’s me – check back tomorrow as we kick off Fame Hungry’s American Teen Princess Pageant!

Image source: Still from Drop Dead Gorgeous.

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