Ilana Glazered Donut

Australian Survivor (2017), Baking, Dessert, Four and Three and Two and Done: A Farewell to Broad City, Snack, Street Food, Sweets

We’ve reached the end of the road, and to be honest, I don’t know how I am going to move into this post-Broad City phase of my life. I am thankful that I have my friendships with Abbi, Arturo, Hannibal, John, Paul and finally, Ilana, but I am sad that I won’t be experiencing any new episodes.

Outside of what Abbi promised earlier this week and Ilana agreed to just moments ago.

As soon as she arrived at my house, Ilana knew how much pain I would be in and held me in her arms, reminding me that I will always be a kween and she will always love me.

To say I cried, I cried, I cried. I … cried for hours was an understatement.

But that is what you can do when with your nearest and dearest. I’ve known Il the longest out of the BC crew, attending Smithtown High School together before moving to NYC and living together in BK. Which you may recall is how I met Rach Bloom, as she took over my room.

Look at me! I made a little rhyme.

In any event, I’ve long been a passionate supporter of the goddess that is Ilana and I’m so proud of all that she has achieved over the years. Which is why I couldn’t honour her with anything less than an Ilana Glazered Donut.

 

 

My take on this Krispy Kreme classic isn’t how the giant would traditionally make them – I bake, I bake, I bake, I bake – but I would argue they still taste delicious. Maybe it is the lack of nazi ties? Soft and fluffy on the inside, smooth and sweet on the outside, I wish I knew how to quit them. And Broad City.

Enjoy!

 

 

Ilana Glazered Donut
Serves: 1 sad Broad City fan.

Ingredients
1 batch Shannen Doughertynuts
½ cup butter, melted
2 cups icing sugar, sieved
1 tbsp vanilla extract
¼ cup milk

Method
Make the donuts as per Shan’s recipe and leave to rest on a drying rack.

Once almost cool, melt the butter in the microwave and pour into a bowl with the icing sugar and vanilla, and whisk until combined. Add the milk a tablespoon at a time until you reach your desired consistency.

Dip the donuts in the glaze and return to the rack for an hour, or until set.

Devour. Crying. Watching the finale holding your Bingo Bronson.

 

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Paulnapple Wupside Downs Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Four and Three and Two and Done: A Farewell to Broad City, Snack, Sweets

After catching up with Abbi, Arturo, Hannibal and John, I am almost coming around to the idea that Broad City is coming to an end tomorrow, despite the fact it breaks my heart. Thankfully I am trying to focus on the positives, like Abbi doing Ilana at the co-op, Jaime becoming a citizen, Lincoln being Lincoln, Bevers literally being the worst and the discovery of Trey’s past as Kirk Steele. And damn did it make me fall even harder for my dear Paul W. Downs.

Like Abbi I started of hating Trey and episode by episode fell in love with him, which comes down to the comedic work and total charm of Paul.

While I didn’t meet him until Broad City, we fast became friends and I’m honoured that he came to me for advice on how to block the Kirk Steele scenes. While my infatuation made our friendship awkward for a brief period, I am thrilled that I was able to cool down and he never let it get in the way of our bond.

Paul being the absolute best, he arrived at my door with the inflatable pool toy and a visor and told me how grateful he was to be celebrating the show, and how much he wanted me … to have the props.

I mean, can you believe? He is a sweet angel. Just like my Paulnapple Wupside Downs Cake.

 

 

TBH I have always looked at this cake as kitsch krap, but somehow it defies my expectations and further proves that the ‘80s get a lot of unnecessary hate. A sweet and tart top, with melt in your mouth fluffy sponge, there is nothing better to while away an afternoon with a dear friend.

Enjoy!

 

 

Paulnapple Wupside Downs Cake
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
¾ cup unsalted butter
½ cup muscovado sugar
8 canned pineapple rings, juice, reserving ½ cup for the cake
12 maraschino cherries
1 ½ cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
¼ tsp salt
1 cup raw caster sugar
2 eggs

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C and spray the base of a 23cm cake pan with cooking spray.

Combine ¼ of a cup of butter with the muscovado in a saucepan and cook over medium heat until combined and slightly darkened. Remove from heat and pour directly into the cake tin.

Arrange the pineapple rings in the caramel and dot the maraschino cherries as artfully as you desire. Set aside.

Meanwhile whisk the dry ingredients together in a bowl, and cream the remaining butter and raw caster sugar in a stand mixer until light and fluffy. Agg one egg at a time, beat well after each addition. Add the dry ingredients and pineapple juice in thirds, alternating between each until it is well combined.

Spoon the batter over the fruit and gently smooth the top, being careful not to move or break the fruit. Transfer the cake to the oven to cook for 45 minutes, or until golden brown and an inserted skewer comes out clean.

Leave the cake to cool for ten minutes before flipping onto a serving plate … and devouring like it is Kirk Steele.

 

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John Gemburgerling

Burgers, Four and Three and Two and Done: A Farewell to Broad City, Main, Street Food

We’ve reached the halfway point of my farewell to Broad City – sniff, I love you Abbi, Arturo and Hannibal – and TBH, I am starting to overstay my welcome like Bevers. So obviously I got John Gemberling to drop by and allay my fears, and celebrate him the way that poor Bevers never really has.

While I’ve known John for quite some time form the ol’ UCB days, we didn’t grow close until he started working on Broad City. After the gals asked me to coach him on how to be as annoying as possible. Which would be a slight, if I didn’t know how loveable they find me.

John’s career has really taken off over the last few years and I am so proud of everything he has achieved. Particularly since, no doubt, my coaching helped him reach the pinnacle of success that is a part in the greatest animated program of all time, Big Mouth.

Back on topic though, I am so happy that John was able to fit me into his busy schedule and free-load off me in honour of the finale, by smashing a John Gemburgerling or seven.

 

 

While I didn’t invent the concept of a gem burger, I will take ownership for the majesty of this little baby. Crispy potato slabs work well with In’N’Out sauce, bacon and sweet, sweet onions to create one of the greatest burgers of all time, right Kanye?

Enjoy!

 

 

John Gemburgerling
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
80 Potato Jems
olive oil
2 onions, diced
¼ cup Shayonnaise Swain
2 tbsp ketchup
1 tbsp gherkin relish
½ tsp champagne vinegar
500g beef mince
salt and pepper
8 rashers streaky bacon
American mustard, to taste
4 slices American cheese

Method
Heat a waffle iron over medium heat, and assemble 10 gems per plate. Press to close and cook for five minutes each side, or until you have golden, crisp waffles. Repeat the process until you have 8 waffles.

Meanwhile heat a lug of oil in a saucepan over medium heat and sweat the onions for five minutes before reducing to low and caramelising for half an hour or so, adding a small amount of water if needed to deglaze the pan.

Next mix the mayo, ketchup, pickle and champagne vinegar in a jug and whisk to combine.

Squeeze as much liquid out of the mince as possible and place in a large bowl. Add a generous whack of salt and pepper and combine with your hands. Divide into 4 patties, place on a plate lined with cling, cover and place in the fridge for about an hour or so.

Heat a large pan or griddle and brush with oil, and cook the bacon until crispy. Remove to some kitchen paper.

Brush the pan with some more oil, if needed, and when searingly hot place the patties on the pan, pushing down with a spatula until they are roughly 1cm thick. Squeeze some mustard on the top and cook for a few minutes. Flip the patties and cook for a further minute.

To assemble, smear some sauce on a waffle and top with bacon, followed by caramelised onions and the pattie. Top with cheese and another drizzle of sauce before closing with one final waffle. Devour immediately.

 

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Hannimal Style Furess

Four and Three and Two and Done: A Farewell to Broad City, Side, Snack, Street Food, Vegetarian

I thought I was feeling strong, but the close it gets to finale day – three days, ya’ll – it is getting harder and harder to keep an upbeat tone while I prepared to say farewell to the majestic Broad City. (Just ask Abbi and Art)! Which makes it super convenient that Hannibal Buress dropped by, as the man is hilarious.

I mean, he hired a lookalike to attend a film premiere in his place because he couldn’t be bothered going himself. That is a baller, iconic move and I love it.

I’ve known Hannibal for years and years, after meeting in the writers room of another tragically finished show 30 Rock. While his tenure there wasn’t long, his exit coincided with one of my bannings from NBC and he kindly took me under his wing and let me be his hype guy.

Tragically I failed at that job too – apparently hyping oneself isn’t what the job entails – so I was allowed to just hang in his entourage and live my best life.

Maybe I inspire him to send a stand-in to the premiere?

It was so much fun to have a little bit of time with Hannibal and to honour Lincoln and his passion for better dental care. Fun fact: it was actually my suggestion he be a dentist, as a tribute to my grandfather.

Something that isn’t so great on teeth, however, are my copycat Hannimal Style Furess. But we won’t tell Lincoln, ok?

 

 

You know I have a passion for In’N’Out and given their Australian pop-ups never seem to come Brisbane, I have to DIY. Which TBH is both a blessing and a curse because now I can inhale animal style fries as often as I like, in bulk like quantities without judgement. And now you can too.

So enjoy!

 

 

Hannimal Style Furess
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
1 batch Jud Beerza Battered Fries
olive oil
2 onions, diced
¼ cup Shayonnaise Swain
2 tbsp ketchup
1 tbsp sweet pickle/gherkin relish
½ tsp champagne vinegar
4 slices American Cheese

Method
Cook the fries as per Jud’s recipe.

Meanwhile heat a lug of oil in a saucepan over medium heat and sweat the onions for five minutes before reducing to low and caramelising for half an hour or so, adding a small amount of water if needed to deglaze the pan.

Finally mix the mayo, ketchup, pickle and champagne vinegar in a jug and whisk to combine.

To assemble, place the fries in a bowl, sprinkle with caramelised onion, followed by slices of American cheese and finally topping with copious amounts of sauce.

Devour immediately, with a bestie … or without.

 

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Arturo Castro Cocktail

Drink, Four and Three and Two and Done: A Farewell to Broad City

I’m just going to get this out of the way up front, as I kicked my farewell to Broad City – Four and Three and Two and Done – off with Abbi, Ilana won’t be gracing us with her presence until the end as I wanted a kween bookend. Like their hug with Hillary.

Thankfully there are four very important men that support these broads that I wanted to celebrate, and Arturo Castro was free to help me celebrate him.

Which sounds like a sex thing and it can be a sex thing whenever he would like.

While I didn’t meet him until Broad City started filming, we quickly developed a strong bond thanks to our childlike faces, which is why I keep a beard at all times. Which is another story for another time.

Art has been so busy lately that I was super thankful he could take the time to mark our friendship, celebrate the joy of Jaimé and down a Arturo Castro Cocktail or ten, in honour of his rapidly rising star.

 

 

A little bit tart, a hint of heat and sweat and a large punch of rummy goodness, this is the perfect drink to help wash away your troubles. Or toast the magnificence that is, BC.

Enjoy!

 

 

Arturo Castro Cocktail
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
ice
60ml rum, preferably cuban
125ml ginger ale
½ a lime, cut into wedges.

Method
Fill a highball with ice.

Add the ginger ale, rum and squeeze in a couple of lime wedges.

Stir. Down.

 

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Ab-BEC Jacobson

Breakfast, Four and Three and Two and Done: A Farewell to Broad City, Main, Snack, Street Food

To be completely honest with you, it was an agonising decision to have to pick between the two kweens of Broad City, as I count down to its heartbreaking, soul shaking, crushing end this week. The choice, I imagine, would be like trying to pick one’s favourite phone wig.

In any event, I had to make my choice like Sophie, and I settled on the hand-shaking icon that is the one Miss Abbi Jacobson.

I’ve been a close friend of both broads since they’re time at UCB, and shocked even myself, when I didn’t cut them from my life as soon as they opted to produce Broad City without me. They’re reason making so much sense, in that I, their teacher, could intimidate the with my talent.

But this is about my glorious bond with Ab, so I need to get back on track. As an avid, half-arsed videographer, we bonded when she put her MICA training to use by trying to give me some tricks of the trade. While most people would call me a lost cause, Abs pushed through and for that I am forever grateful.

While I had my guard up and was pretty grumpy when she arrived at my door – the phrase, “you and Ilana have betrayed me by ending the show on a high note, on your own terms,” may have been uttered – she quickly softened the blow by reminding me that the episodes will live on forever. And by promising me that they will give me in character skypes each month.

With that, I no longer held it against her and was strong enough to toast their success with a freshly toasted, Broad City approved Ab-BEC Jacobson.

 

 

The gals have oft extolled the virtues of a bodega sandwich, but TBH, I was always too terrified to try one given the fact I only stumbled into bodegas to get beer and use extremely flawed ATMs. But one time Abs took me by force and I fell in love. While I am tragically bodega-less in Brisbane, this little home-job sure makes me feel like I’m back in the boroughs. Salty, gooey and oh so warming – can you tell I’m under a really cold air-con vent right now? – this bagel is near perfection.

Like Broad City. Enjoy!

 

 

Ab-BEC Jacobson
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
6 rashers streaky bacon
2 Beygel Knowles, split
4 slices American cheese
4 eggs, lightly whisked with a good whack of salt and pepper

Method
Place a skillet over medium heat until nice and hot. Add the bacon and cook, flipping once, until glorious and crisp. Remove from the pan to drain on some kitchen paper.

Add the bagels to pan, split side down, and cook for a couple of minutes, or until they’re golden and crisp on the inside. Remove from the pan and line the bottom half with three rashers of bacon each and a slice of cheese.

Finally pour the eggs into the pan and cook, folding on top of itself, until just set. Immediately place on top of the bacon and cheese. Another another slice of cheese, just because, and close up sandy.

Devour immediately, with a mixture of BEC joy and Broad City abandonment issues.

 

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Four and three and two and done

Four and Three and Two and Done: A Farewell to Broad City, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Grab your Bingo Bronson and hold him tight, because Broad City is finishing this week … and that is not right.

Sorry, I am too sad to even continue rhyming, so that concludes the Dr. Silky Ganache Seuss portion of the post.

I mean, I am so sad I can’t even get off to Kirk Steele’s films.

But I will power through my grief because kweens Ilana and arse-of-an-angel Abbi have brought joy to our hearts for five seasons, and they deserve to be honoured.

So grab a drink from your favourite speakeasy, pop on Val’s latest record and get ready to farewell Broad City.

And Garol. Never forget Garol.

And TBH, if you hate what I make, you can always get Ripa to buy pizza for after!

Image source: Broad City / Comedy Central.

 

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Jane Crackpieski

Baking, Dessert, Hashbrown: The End, Pie, Sweets

Like Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt itself, we’ve reached the end of the road of our farewell celebration – Hashbrown: The End – and I am starting to get a bit misty, which is inappropriate when you’re meant to be honouring a hilarious show. But after catching up with Carol, Dylan, Ellie and Tituss I was too emotional, so I reached out to my dear friend and icon Jane Krakowski to see if she was free to drop by.

And she obviously was, since you’re ready this.

As you know I met future EGOT Jane in the 80s while co-starring in Starlight Express until my before I was callously cut. Thankfully it was Jane’s undying love and support that saw we through the tragic loss of my role of a lifetime.

Given Jane is a damn comedy icon, I try to see her as much as possible however it has tragically been well over two years since we last got together. As soon as she walked through customs I ran into her arms and started sobbing – some say it was because I missed her so, but we both knew that it was because at the close of today Jacqueline Voorhees will go the way of Jenna Maroney. And that is hard for me to deal with.

Unless Teens does reboot 30 Rock, I guess.

Somehow I managed to pull myself together long enough to drive home, go to the fridge and pull out the ultimate comfort food in the form of a Jane Crackpieski.

 

 

I feel like I am on a bit of a Milk Bar kick at the moment, but you know, when it’s right, it’s right. Any everything they do is right, even when it is a mistake. If you don’t know the story, Christina Tosi made the pie for staff dinner and while it was undercooked and she felt it was a dud, they couldn’t stop eating it and an sweet, addictive icon was born – the Crack Pie®.

And if that doesn’t offer you hope in a post-Kimmy Schmidt world, I don’t know what does.

Enjoy!

 

 

Jane Crackpieski
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
Oat Cookie
115g unsalted butter, at room temperature
75g muscovado sugar
40g raw caster sugar
1 egg yolk
½ cup flour
120g rolled oats
⅛ tsp baking powder
pinch of baking soda
½ tsp kosher salt

Assembly and filling
180g muscovado sugar, plus 1 tbsp for the base
1 tsp kosher salt, plus ¼ tsp for the base
280g butter, melted – 55g for the base, the rest for the filling
300g raw caster sugar
20g milk powder
24g corn powder
¾ cup double cream
½ tsp vanilla extract
8 egg yolks, separated with military precision
icing sugar, for dusting

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Kick things off by working on the oat cookie. Cream the butter and sugars using the paddle attachment on a stand-mixer on medium-high for 3 minutes or so, or until light and fluffy. Scrape down the sides and add the egg, before increasing speed and beat for a further couple of minutes.

Add the remaining ingredients and using the paddle, mix by hand until moist enough to return to the mixer to beat on low until just combined.

Dollop the mixture onto a lined baking sheet and flatten into a 1cm thick splat. Transfer to the oven and bake for 15 minutes, or until caramelised, puffed and firmly set. Allow to cool completely.

When you’re ready to get to work on the final product, preheat the oven to 180°C.

Place the cookie in a food processor with a tablespoon of muscovado sugar and ¼ tsp of salt, and blitz until it is the consistency of wet sand. Add 55g of melted butter and blitz until it comes together as a ball. Transfer the ball into a pie dish and firmly pack to cover the edges in an even thickness.

To make the filling, combine the remaining sugars, with the milk powder, corn powder, and salt in the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment and mix on low speed until evenly blended. Still going, add the remaining butter and mix for 3 minutes or until all the ingredients are moist. Add the double cream and vanilla and continuing mixing for 3 minutes, or until completely combined. Scrape down the side and add the egg yolks, mixing on low speed until it is glossy and combined.

Pour the filling into the pie dish and transfer to the oven to bake for 20 minutes, or until golden brown but still jiggly.

Open the oven door and reduce the oven temperature to 160°C and close the door once it has cooled to that temperature. Cook for a further ten minutes, or until firming around the edge but jiggly in the centre.

Remove from the oven and allow to cool completely before covering in cling and transferring to the freezer to set. Remove to defrost a couple of hours before you’re ready to serve.

When you’re ready for your mind to be blown, dust with icing sugar, grab a spoon and devour. Greedily. Thankful that we exist at the same time that Milk Bar does.

 

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Tituss Burizo & Chicken Rolls

Hashbrown: The End, Main, Side, Snack, Street Food

Now I know I said I don’t have favourites when I caught up with Carol way back when – you know, before Dylan and Ellie – but there is no denying that Titus is he true heart and soul of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. From scamming Kimmy in the early episodes, to lemonading and fighting with High Schoolers, Titus has my heart. And that is because of the iconic work of my dear friend Tituss.

Oh and it doesn’t help that he was based off me. Thanks Teens!

While I didn’t meet Tituss until he appeared on 30 Rock, I was blown away by his hilarious performance and immediately attached myself to him. And vowed to get him a damn Emmy one of these days.

Despite not making that a reality – yet – Tituss never throws shade at me when we have our monthly catch up to gossip and gulp down as much pinot noir as humanly possible. Which we obvs just refer to as the gossip and gulp date.

In any event, Tituss was thrilled to add another date to our busy dance card, particularly in light of the end of him playing me. As is oft the case, we laughed, we cried – which is becoming more and more prevalent as the end approaches – and gorged on as much comfort food as possible. Like some Tituss Burizo & Chicken Rolls.

 

 

Bet you thought I was going to make a red wine themed meal, no? Well instead of going with the literal interpretation, I instead opted to take another phallic symbol and form it into something just as comforting. And how do you go past smokey sausage wrapped in warm, doughy pastry? You can’t.

Enjoy!

 

 

Tituss Burizo & Chicken Rolls
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
300g raw chorizo, casing removed
300g chicken mince
1 onion, diced
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 zucchini, grated
1 carrot, peeled and grated
1 rosemary sprig, leaves finely chopped
salt and pepper, to taste
2 sheets puff pastry
1 egg, lightly beaten
1 tsp sesame seeds

Method
Preheat oven to 200°C.

Combine the chorizo, chicken, onion, garlic, zucchini, carrot and rosemary in a large bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper, and scrunch with your hands into it comes together in a cohesive ball.

Cut each piece of puff pastry in half and divide the dough into four. Shape into long sausages and place close to a long edge of each piece of pastry. Tightly roll and cut each into 4-6 pieces and transfer to a lined baking sheet, seam side down.

Brush with egg and sprinkle with sesame seeds. Transfer to the oven to bake for half an hour, or until golden, flaky and cooked.

 

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Ellie Kemparmigana Rissoles

Hashbrown: The End, Main

After kicking off my celebration of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt – Hashbrown: The End –  catching up with Carol and Dylan, I realised that I needed to circle back to the point and celebrate the titular Kimmy. Aka my dear friend Ellie Kemper.

While I haven’t known Ellie as long as some of the other cast members – I met her in 2011 while visiting Melissa on the set of Bridesmaids – we quickly bonded over our passion for writing and became the best of friends.

Despite being a close personal friend of Tina, I shockingly didn’t organise the casting. It was such a delight to pick up the phone from Tina who was giddy to have found her Kimmy, only to discover it was my dearest friend.

I haven’t seen Ellie since the last Emmys – where I refused to believe the news that Kimmy’s end was nigh – so it was wonderful to spend some time together and absorb the fact that this delightful, quirky show is ending and the world will never be the same.

And our hearts will become a blackened void.

Though I guess that’s where my Ellie Kemparmigana Rissoles come into play.

 

 

Chargrilled eggplant topped with a juicy, braised rissole, covered in tomato sauce and cheese? You can’t go wrong, even for the staunchest of anti-eggplanters – the veggie only, obvs – like me.

Enjoy!

 

 

Ellie Kemparmigana Rissoles
Serves: 6-8, depending on the size of your eggplant.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 large eggplant, cut into 1cm slices
1kg beef mince
1 tbsp oregano, chopped
1 tbsp basil, chopped
3 garlic cloves, crushed
⅓ cup parmesan cheese, grated
2 cups passata
½ cup – or more, obvi – mozzarella cheese, grated

Method
Preheat the oven to 200°C.

Place the slices of eggplant on a lined baking sheet and brush with olive oil. Transfer to the oven and bake for half an hour, flipping once. Remove and drain on some kitchen towel.

Reduce oven to 180°C.

Combine the mince, oregano, basil, garlic and parmesan in a bowl and shape into 16 rissoles.

Place the eggplant slices in the bottom of a baking dish and top each with a rissole. Pour over the passata and sprinkle with the mozzarella. Transfer to the oven to bake for half an hour, or until the cheese is golden and the rissoles cooked through.

Serve immediately with a big heaping of Gabriel Mash or on their own. Or with salad. I don’t mind, the most important thing is you devour.

 

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