Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race the girls brought it on for a cheertastic maxi-challenge where Trinity and Valentina rose to the top of the human pyramid and Charlie, Kimora and Jaymes bottomed – very well – before the latter became the first queen eliminated.
The queens returned to the werk room to discover the first lipstick message of the season and to discuss poor Jaymes’ lack of confidence and how overwhelmed by the competition. Making it worse for her at home, Kimora then compared the lip sync as being a ten vs. a one.
On the other end of the spectrum, Valentina was proud of her victory while hoping to grow from week to week, while Trinity was looking forward to knocking her off her perch and vowed to own the next challenge in a manner that both terrified and aroused me.
The next day Valentina was still on cloud nine while the rest of the queens hoped that the next challenge would be less physically demanding. Like clock werk, Ru arrived to announce this week’s maxi challenge, which involved creating an OG fairytale princess complete with mythology, back story, fantasy frock … and sassy sidekick.
So whilst it was less physically demanding, it would definitely still be completely exhausted.
Like that Ru disappeared like a fairy godfather after cobbling together a look for Cinderella, allowing the girls to get down to business in a flurry of fabric, hot glue and sequins.
Alexis was feeling confident given that the challenge embodied her spirit. No to be outdone, Aja was also feeling confident that she would have this in the bag given her avant garde vision. Farrah however was completely terrified given that she has zero sewing ability – which makes no sense if you’re competing in season 9, when you know sewing is important. Also struggling, Kimora reiterated that she doesn’t sew and offered to pay Charlie to put together a look for her. That aside, I’m kind of loving her vision or Tarzan’s other wife, particularly given it will probably be extremely whorey.
Eureka settled on a sewer princess, Alexis is going with subway princess, Farrah was going with an underwater socialite princess, Aja was inspired by her mother with Princess Disaster – which Ru was quite concerned about – Valentina was going for ice princess with par-shaved-brows and Trinity was going for a whorey aquatic princess … inspiring SO many chocolate starfish jokes that I’m now aquatic. Down there.
Amongst all that, Cynthia taught Kimora what an adjective is.
Farrah was still struggling big time, leading to Eureka whipping up a bra for her and offering the sagest of advice “don’t be afraid of hot glue girl, you’re a drag queen.”
Needless to say, Trinity was pissed.
The next day Cynthia enlightened us with the origins of cucu – which sadly wasn’t as exciting or scandalous as I had hoped – before the queens started throwing shade at Aja’s very heavily shaded make-up. Peppermint’s side-eye gives me life.
Shit then got extremely real as the girls started talking about the Pulse massacre. Trinity was a former Miss Pulse and was there the weekend before. Cynthia was meant to perform that night and had to cancel – people called from the bathroom during the shooting and sadly one of her friends died.
After the serious talk, the queens got to the serious work on the runway where Cynthia, Charlie, Eureka, Alexis, Nina, Sasha, Valentina, Trinity, Peppermint and Shea all slayed … meaning I was extremely confident Aja, Kimora and Farrah would be in the bottom.
Which they were … specifically Aja and Kimora who had to lip sync where Aja slayed and Kimora seemed to have been defeated before hitting the stage. That being said, my dear friend Kimora was ultimating eliminated which means she was justified to feel like that.
I’ve known Kimora for years but considering what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, I can’t really go into it. But we are close and I knew that despite being disappointed to go home, she would be proud for all that she achieved … and keen to kiki over a delicious Kumara Blac Bean Burger.
Like Kimora these burgers are spicy, sweet and completely delicious. You know how she was talking about having famous buns … she was actually talking about these babies.
Though I’d gladly eat either – enjoy!
Kumara Blac Bean Burgers
3 sweet potatoes, peeled and diced into small cubes
2 onions, quartered
800g canned black beans
2 tsp cumin
2 tsp ground oregano
1 tsp chilli
salt and pepper
1 cup frozen corn, cooked and drained
⅔ cup flour
2 avocados, mashed
2 tomatoes, sliced
1 cup iceberg lettuce, shredded
200g Danish feta, mashed
Sriracha sauce, to taste
Preheat the oven to 180°C.
Place the sweet potato and onion on a baking tray, drizzle with some olive oil and bake for about half an hour, or until they are browned and caramelised.
While the potato is baking, rinse the beans and drain completely. Transfer to a bowl and mash until they are broken up but still clearly beans – use your judgement.
Transfer the baked veggies into a food processor with the spices and blitz until smooth. Add to the bowl with the mashed beans, corn flour and a good whack of salt and pepper and mix with your hands until well combined.
Shape into 8 large patties, place on a lined baking tray, drizzle with oil and bake for twenty minutes, flipping once.
While they’re baking, split and toast the buns. Smear the bottoms with avocado and top with some feta and tomato. Place the patio on top, drizzle with Sriracha and place some lettuce on top … close and devour.