Jonathan Dan Bennoodles

Main, That Is So Fetch Week

Hey, do you know what day it is? Of course you do! It’s October 3rd aka Mean Girls Day aka the entire reason for this year’s That’s So Fetch Week going public. I know you were probably hoping that Tina or Linds would be dropping by, but they have both already gone here … and Linds is still busy stopping that child trafficking ring. So following in Mands and Dan’s footsteps is none other than Aaron Samuels himself, Jonathan Bennett.

Aka the entire reason we have Mean Girls day.

As I alluded to yesterday, Dan Fran and I had a tragic break-up on the set of Mean Girls due by my infatuation for Jonathan which culminated in our torrid affair. Tragically it ended too – maybe because I am too much like Regina George – but Jono and I have been the best of friends ever since.

Hell, I even forgave him for writing the Mean Girls Cookbook without me, that is how close we are. Though considering he chose to go with an actual chef over someone that tries things he finds only and quadruples the garlic content and adds chilli, I really had no right being offended in the first place.

Giving how busy he has been successfully writing a cookbook and hosting a baking show, Jon and I haven’t seen as much of each other as we would like lately. I mean, as besties we Skype each day, particularly since I introduced him to his Amazing Race-r boyfie Jaymes, but there is nothing like the real thing of hanging out with your friends in the same room. Smashing some Jonathan Dan Bennoodles.

 

 

Once again proving my non-chef credentials, this dan dan was inspired by a couple of recipes I found online though hella simplified. And probably nothing like how it should taste. Rich, nutty, spicy and fresh, this baby will fill you with joy and put a fire in your belly. Given the heaping of chilli, obvi.

Enjoy!

 

 

Jonathan Dan Bennoodles
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
1 tbsp vegetable oil
6 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp ginger, minced
500g pork mince
3 tbsp Chinese chilli oil
1 tsp ground Sichuan peppercorns
½ tsp Chinese five spice
2 tsp hoisin sauce
2 tsp shaoxing wine
1 tsp dark soy sauce
2 tbsp tahini
3 tbsp light soy sauce
2 tsp raw caster sugar
2 cups chicken stock
1 tbsp smooth peanut butter
400g udon noodles, cooked as per packet instructions
1 cup baby spinach
1 bok choy, quartered
1 shallot, sliced

Method
Heat the vegetable oil in a large pot over high heat and cook the garlic and ginger for a minute. Add the mince and cook for a further couple of minutes before reducing the heat to medium and adding the chilli oil, spices, sauces, sugar, stock and peanut butter. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to low and simmer until the sauce reduces.

Cook the udon as per packet instructions and add a tablespoon of cooking water to the pan if it starts to get too thick. Add the baby spinach and bok choy to the pan, and cook until heated through before tossing through the noodles.

Serve immediately, sprinkled with shallots and devour. Because it’s October 3rd.

 

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Chicken Daniel Francese

Main, Poultry, That Is So Fetch Week

Unlike Mands, I didn’t meet Dan Franzese – or Dan Fran, as I prefer to call him – until we were on the set of Mean Girls. Given it was based on my life story, I had offered Tina support in coaching the three actors whose characters which were based on me; Regina, her mum – when Ames plays your future self, you know you’ve made it – and too gay to function Damian.

After five minutes in the trailer, I noticed that Dan didn’t need any help with the character, instilling Damian with humanity that my teenself couldn’t even fathom having. So instead, we hung-out. And by hung-out, we commenced a torrid affair.

While you will soon find out that out all-too-brief affair ended in a total disaster, we remained friends against all odds and I am so proud of the career that Dan Fran has gone on to have. Despite me vowing to ruin his career, even though I was in the wrong when our relationship ended. Hell, I even suggested him to Jonathan for a role in looking!

Damn – why am I admitting fault?

Given he is busy being a successful boss, we haven’t had the joy of spending as much time together as we would like. As soon as Dan Fran walked into my room, he lit the place up with his beautiful soul. Which off topic reminds me that I need to see Jesse McCartney ASAP.

Anyway … he lit up the room and TBH, that is to be expected when a big plate of Chicken Daniel Francese is awaiting you.

 

 

Lightly coated chicken for optimal crunch, combined with a punch of garlic and lemon works to create a mouthwatering delight. Add in the fresh hit of parsley – which I never thought I would say but it really makes it sing – and I just can’t stop.

Enjoy!

 

 

Chicken Daniel Francese
Serves: 2-4.

Ingredients
flour, salt and pepper, to taste
4 chicken breasts (about 11/2 pounds)
2 eggs, whisked
olive oil
4 garlic cloves, sliced
1 lemon, half sliced and the other half juiced
½ cup dry vermouth
1 cup chicken stock
¼ cup parsley, roughly chopped

Method
Combine a cup or two of flour in a large bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper. In a second bowl whisk the eggs with a couple of tablespoons of water.Flatten the chicken breasts with the back of a frying pan until they’re about 2cm thick.

Heat a good lug of oil in the base of a pan over medium heat. When scorching, dip the chicken in the flour, then the egg and transfer to the skillet to cook for about five minutes on each side, or until golden and crisp. Remove from the pan and leave to rest.

Add a knob of butter to the pan and cook the lemon slices and garlic for a minute or so. Add the vermouth, stock and lemon juice, and bring to the boil. Reduce heat to low and leave to simmer for five minutes, stirring through the parsley towards the end. Return the chicken to the pan for a couple of minutes to heat through.

Serve chicken topped with a slice of lemon and drowned in sauce, for optimal devouring.

 

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Lena Wafers

Baking, Dessert, Emmy Gold, Emmy Gold: The Gold Wing, Sweets

It is the second last day of this year’s Emmy Gold celebration The Gold Wing, can you believe? And something something segue Gaz, Marg, Ava, Rami and Rhea something, I am thrilled to catch-up with my dear friend and semi-freshly minted Emmy winner Lena Waithe.

Given she won her Emmy with my (problematic) friend Aziz for the beautiful Thanksgiving episode of Master of None, it should come as no surprise that he is the reason we became friends.

I was visiting the set during season 1 and Lena and I got to talking about our coming out experiences, and Aziz suggested that they write it into the second season. So you’re welcome, because that episode was perfection and he and Lena truly deserved that Emmy and I can’t even begrudge them for not including me in the writing process.

Since her victory, Len’s career has absolutely exploded and while it means we don’t get to see each other as often as we’d like, I’m so proud of her. And it makes our fleeting dates even more special. As a fellow writer, I knew that she would be best placed to go through the writing categories with me. Obviously she agreed that The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel’s auteur Amy Sherman-Palladino would snag it for Comedy. Continuing our agreeance, we both backed Phoebe Waller-Bridge for Killing Eve, Steve Martin and Martin Short for their Netflix special and William Bridges and Charlie Brooker will snag it for USS Callister.

With the formalities out of the way, we toasted her success and got to work demolishing a big batch of Lena Wafers.

 

 

Not your childhood’s technicolour crosshatched biscuits, these wafers may not look as perfect but damn they are delicious. Light, sweet and delightfully crisp, they are the only thing worthy of honouring my girl Lena.

Enjoy!

 

 

Lena Wafers
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
115g unsalted butter, at room temperature
100g raw caster sugar
1 egg, whisked
2 tbsp vanilla extract
1 tbsp milk
200g flour
1 tsp baking powder
pinch of kosher salt

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Cream the butter and sugar in a stand mixer for a couple of minutes, or until it is light and fluffy. Still going, add the egg, vanilla and milk and continue beating until just combined.

Combine the flour, baking soda and salt in another bowl before folding through the wet ingredients. Cover and transfer to the fridge for half an hour.

When you’re ready to bake, place teaspoon sized bowls on lined baking sheets, leaving plenty of space for spread. Flatten each ball to form a thin disc and transfer to the oven to bake for fifteen minutes, or until golden.

Remove from the oven and allow to cool on the sheets for a couple of minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.

Once set, devour.

 

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Boanana Hope Pancakes

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders, Breakfast, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the Contenders continued their losing streak with Paige leading the charge, while the Champions continue to flourish under the leadership of Queen Moana. After lapping up some pies and pints at reward, the Champions dominated in the immunity challenge while Paige was telling them about how everyone hates her, rather than attempting to win the challenge. Luckily for her though, Jenna’s injury proved too much for the tribe to overlook as they joined together to boot Miss Congeniality.

Things were looking zen at the Champions the next day as Lydia and Steve did some tai chi, Brian dried his foul jocks and Shane swam laps, rather than feeding the chickens. Feeling that she isn’t well placed on the tribe, she used the time to fashion the plan to hunt for an idol to assure herself some protection. She also spoke about hating fame and living an interesting life, and TBH she is a kooky iicon and I love her.

Meanwhile over at Camp Contender, the tribe reminisced about the tribal council and how angry Jenna appeared on her way out. Anita particularly was feeling upset, given like Red, she likes to protect her girls. They then spotted a rainbow and everyone felt positive. Well, everyone but Paige who Anita was still seething about her attempts to spill secrets to the Champions. Zach too was feeling pissed about their lack of reward wins, so decide to share his misogyny and wish for a dishwashing challenge so their girls could stand a chance. I mean, a month of F45 isn’t enough for his white male privilege.

Back at the Champions Queen Moana was feeling sick and was struggling to keep any food or drink down, concerning everyone in the tribe. Her BFF Mat pulled her aside to give her a pep talk and try and distract her from the thoughts of home that are lingering to make her misery worse.

My boy Jonathan returned for a cheeky battle-esque reward to allow Robbie the opportunity for another schooling from Mat. How will this episode’s schooling for bacon and egg rolls and iced coffee work? Each tribe will put one person up to balance on a barrel over the water holding a rope between them and their opponent. The last person standing wins a point for their tribe. Mat and Robbie put their rivalry on show first, with Mat quickly coming out victorious again. Zach faced off against Steve to show the girls how it is done, with Steve finally putting the git in his place pulling him straight into the water. Which pissed Zach off, leading to him splashing the girls on his tribe in a fit of anger. Poor Shonee was schooled by Lydia, Sam beat Benji, and Zach continued to flip out on the shore, yelling at everyone on his tribe. Thankfully Fenella proved adept at something other than washing up, quickly beating Sharn. Heath continued the comeback schooling Brian, before Monika beat Anita and pissed Zach off again before Shane rubbed salt in the wounds destroying Tegan. Sadly we missed out on a complete meltdown as Paige fell to Moana and handed them reward.

Robbie was legit crying before Jonathan interrupted with an extra reward, with the Contenders allowed to pick two people from the Champions to battle it out for an individual big breakfast reward. Mat and Steve were selected to compete, with Mat ultimately taking out victory. Not to rest on his laurels, Jonathan added another twist allowing Mat to select a Contender to join him. Not wanting to give the males any strength, he selected Paige to stir the pot and keep her on the bottom of the tribe. As they all headed back to reward and/or camp, Shane showed the Contenders that she was definitely on the bottom, searching for an idol on the sit out bench in their full view.

On Mat and Paige’s private reward, he quickly got to work asking her about the Contenders tribe dynamics. She then outlined all of her plans, told him how everyone on the tribe was aligned and TBH, just totally screwed herself and the tribe. Meanwhile back at the Champions camp the tribe smashed their rolls before Brian set up a game of ten pin bowls using the empty iced coffee bottles, much to everyone’s delight. With everyone distracted, Shane went for a wander to try and find an idol. And while everyone laughed about the fact she was once again on the hunt in their full view. This time she actually found something, as everyone applauded and congratulated her on the hunt finally paying off. Actually find the idol made her nervous however, and she tried to play it off as just a clue. Though given the threats from Brian and Lydia that she will be the next to go, I don’t see the idol lasting long.

Meanwhile Paige returned to the Contenders tribe and was thrilled by her newfound popularity as everyone wanted to find out about the dynamic of the Champions. Given he isn’t trying to kill his own game, she had nothing to share … which succeeded in making everyone nervous about what happened on that reward that she isn’t sharing with them.

Back at the Champions tribe Sharn appeared to have lost her mind, doing a demonic Lord of the Rings tribal dance. Before we got answers about her sanity, Jonathan returned for the immunity challenge which required two people from each tribe to be locked into a cage and pushed through an obstacle course before releasing the tribe members and breaking three suspended glass balls. The Contenders got out to an early lead with their caged Anita, while the Champions struggled with Monika and getting over a large wall. The Contenders continued to pull away, getting to the end of the course before the Champions had even managed to get Shane and Jackie over the aforementioned wall. The Contenders made quick work of Tegan and released both her and Anita, while the Champions flailed with their caged Lydia. Heath and Zach each knocked out a ball before Brian tried to pull things back. It was all for nought though, as Robbie finally had a hero moment and secure victory for the tribe.

We also got a close up of Benji’s nip and hot damn if I’m not moister than an oyster.

The Champions got to scrambling as soon as they arrived back at camp, with Sharn quickly ID-ing Jackie or Shane as the next to go. Throwing a spanner in the works, Moana continued to feel sick and seemed ready to give up. Though thankfully Mat appeared to turn her around. Jackie realised that she would be a target given the fact she struggled in the challenge, deciding that taking out Moana would be her best option. Shane joined Moana in the shelter to share that she heard she wanted to quit, given she feels terrible. Moana discredited her intel and shared that Shane needs to find her idol, if she hadn’t already. Meanwhile Jackie and Monika continued to scheme against Moana, though dangerously close to being within earshot. Sam checked in with Lydia, who was wanting to vote based on weight to strength ratio – aka split the votes on Jackie and Shane to flush the idol and blindside Jackie.

At tribal council Mat brought up the weight to strength ratio, which Steve agreed was their major issue in the immunity challenge. Jackie spoke about having strengths other than hauling herself through obstacles, though felt she was definitely improving as the game went on. Shane too was on the defensive, quickly reminded everyone that there is more to the game than strength. Sam called out Shane’s idol hunting ways and the fact it finally paid dividends, and told her that she needs to play the idol if she wanted to survive. Jonathan addressed Moana’s ailing health before Moana and Sharn quickly jumped in to say that there is no way they would be writing her name down that night. Mat went one further and said Mo at 50% was better than some other tribe members, which while savage, was kinda true.

Monika headed off to vote before Moana interrupted proceeding and asked Jonathan to call off the vote and let her check out – aka quit – rather than cause any drama for the tribe. She spoke about how she wasn’t getting batter and was letting her team down. Sharn and Mat jumped in and tried to talk her out of it, assuring her that she is better to let tribal council play out rather than quitting. While she had completely given up, Moana decided to trust her allies would respect her wishes and trusted in them all to vote. While Lydia and Sam loudly voted for Shane – actually, Sam trolled her and that is iconic – the rest of the tribe joined together to send Moana out of the game and into my loving arms to recuperate.

After making her way to Loser Lodge, Mo’s illness got to her and she collapsed in my arms leading to the heroic moment where I carried her across the room singing Whitney Houston’s cover of the Dolly classic, I Will Always Love You. While she didn’t say that I was her hero, she didn’t not say it either. Well … until she saw the shit tonne of Boanana Hope Pancakes I had waiting to heal her.

 

 

Was Moana happy that I draped bacon on her pancakes, given her staunch vegetarianism which led to her finding an idol? Hell no. But she was hungry enough to eat around it. Like Jack Johnson probably sang in the hit song I forget, banana pancakes are probably the best kind of pancakes. Moist, sweet and perfect for nursing you back to health.

Enjoy!

 

 

Boanana Hope Pancakes
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
200g flour
1 tbsp baking powder
⅓ cup muscovado sugar
2 eggs, whisked
4 ripe bananas, mashed
1 ⅓ cups buttermilk
3 tbsp melted butter, plus extra for fryin’
8 rashers streaky bacon … relax not for Mo, guys
maple syrup, to serve

Method
Combine the flour, baking powder and sugar in a large bowl, stirring well to combine. Make a well in the centre and slowly stir through the eggs, banana, buttermilk and butter until smooth.

Heat a small knob of butter in a frying pan over medium heat and cook until foaming. Add ⅔ cup of batter into the pan and cook for a couple of minutes, or until bubbles form on the surface. Flip and cook further a further minute, or until cooked through. Discard/devour the first one – because they are always the worst, no? – and repeat until done.

While you’re cooking the pancakes, fry the bacon in a second pan until crisp.

Divide the pancakes between the plates, top with the bacon if you’re like me and like all the bacon, drizzle with maple syrup and devour.

 

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Vodcara Delevingatoni

Main, Pasta, Vegetarian

While I haven’t known Cara Delevingne for as long as some of the friends I’ve featured here, she is probably one of my best friends. Scrap that, is.

Given we’ve both got such busy schedules, Car and I don’t always get to spend as much time together as we’d like but when we do it is damn near perfection. Like that time I partied with her, Paris Jackson and Macaulay … which I can’t talk about. I’ve said too much.

As you know, we met during the filming of Anna Karenina when I was visiting Kiz and Az but what I didn’t mention is that we bonded over our close relationship with the Collinses. You see, my dear(ly departed) friend Jacks’ big sister Joan is her godmother and when you’ve got the Collinses as mutual friends, you’re destined for a beautiful relationship.

I made quick work of convincing her she could do better than bit roles in Kizza star vehicles, watched her bounce from Paper Towns to Pan and into the acting A-list with Suicide Squad. To say I am filled with pride is an understatement.

After catching up on each others’ lives since we last hung – I can’t confirm whether she and Paris Jackson are dating … but I also can’t not confirm they’re dating – and reminiscing about the good old days, I delighted her by whipping out a majestic and decadent Vodcara Delevingatoni.

 

 

Does anyone need something this rich, carby and heavy after the insanity that is Easter eating? No. But does anyone actually need anything? Yeah, confusing, inception … I’m on a high from this Carbone copycat of perfection and I can’t think.

Don’t judge me, don’t look at me … just enjoy!

 

 

Vodcara Delevingatoni
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
3 onions, sliced
100ml water
150g butter
2 tbsp kosher salt, plus extra
1.6kg canned crushed tomatoes
¼ cup raw caster sugar
¼ cup olive oil
2 cups thickened cream
3 tbsp chilli paste
¼ cup vodka
500g rigatoni

Method
Combine the onion and water with 100g butter and a pinch of salt in a large skillet over low heat and cook for half an hour or so, or until softened but not coloured.

Combine the two tablespoons of salt, crushed tomatoes, raw caster sugar and olive oil in a saucepan and simmer for ten minutes, or until combined and slightly thickened.

Cook the rigatoni as per packet instructions.

Combine the tomato and onion mixture in a large saucepan with the cream, chilli, vodka and remaining butter, and cook, stirring until the sauce comes together and is cooked through.

Drain the pasta, add to sauce and stir to combine, adjusting seasonings as required.

Devour.

 

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My enchanting friend

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

After dedicating the last week to celebrating one of my oldest friends Megs – and reviving her career via an egg-based ritual – I decided I needed to reach out to one of my younger gal-pals to try and give me a spark.

So I was extremely grateful my girl Cara Delevingne was free for a date.

Despite already being a successful model and therefore mingling in the same circles, I didn’t meet her until her film debut in Anna Karenina. I was visiting Keira and Aaron but was in awe of her talent and encouraged her to take acting more seriously.

What says you’re welcome for making you famous slash so good to see you, girl?

Image source: Antonio De Moraes Barros Filho / Getty Images.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Nico Tortellini

Main, Pasta

Sorry for the delay with this week’s recipe, I am only just coming down from my wonderful week at a private villa with Nico. While it was only meant to be a friendly catch-up between friends, Nico is truly intoxicating … and like Joni Mitchell, I couldn’t help but drink a case of him.

As you know, I first met Neeks through Mich and Corbs on the set of the egregiously shortlived TBL, and while I’d love to say it were his brains and many talents that drew me to him, our sexual chemistry is what brought us together.

Thankfully it didn’t take long for me to see him as the kind, wise and talented individual that he is, and we became friends after being lovers. Which kinda flips Bolton’s rule, no?

Anyway … let’s get to the good stuff. I picked Nico up from the airport, it was hot and humid and we drove to a private villa not far from the scene of the cage-fighting accident with Miley that rendered Annelie out of action on here.

We swam, we laughed and we literally ticked all the boxes. It was, as you would expect, glorious.

When it came to nightfall, we were absolutely ravenous for something carby and glorious, that could easily be eaten off a body Samantha-in-SATC-style. Which meant I obviously went for a Nico Tortellini.

 

 

“It is so thoughtful,” he said as I brought it to the table.

“Creamy, hot and spicy, and packed full of sausage – it is everything this week has been.”

Enjoy!

 

 

Nico Tortellini
Serves: 4-6 … or 2 starved lovers on Valentine’s Day.

Ingredients
1 cup ricotta
½ cup emmental
½ cup grana padano
pinch of nutmeg
1 egg, lightly whisked
salt and pepper, to taste
60 gow gee wrappers
olive oil
6 spicy Italian sausages, excluding your lover’s
3 garlic cloves, minced
small handful mushrooms, sliced
1 tbsp chilli flakes
½ cup sundried tomatoes, roughly chopped
1-2 cups baby spinach
300ml double cream
½ cup grated parmesan, plus extra to serve

Method
Combine the ricotta, emmental and grana padano cheeses in a bowl with the nutmeg, egg and a good whack of salt and pepper. Stir well to combine.

Grab your gow gee wrappers, a pastry brush and a half-filled mug of water. Spoon out a large teaspoon of mixture into the centre of each gow gee wrapper, lightly brush the edges with water and fold the pastry in half leaving you with a filled semicircle. Take the two edges and turn them into to each other and press together to form a large tortellini … because I love his large tortellini.

Once they’re all ready, get a big pot of salted water boiling over high heat. When bubbling as aggressively as your chemistry, add the pasta and cook for five minutes, or until they are all floating. Drain and rinse under cold water to stop cooking.

While the pasta are cooking, heat a lug of olive oil in a large skillet and push meatball-sized pieces of meat out of the sausage and cook for a couple of minutes, or until they’re all cooked. Add the garlic and mushroom and cook for a further couple of minutes, or until the mushies are softening and the kitchen fragrant. Add the chilli, sundried tomatoes, spinach and double cream and cook, stirring, for a further couple of minutes. Remove from the heat, stir through the parmesan and season well.

Return the tortellini to the pasta pan, pour over the sauce and toss until well covered. Serve immediately, in a bowl, on your sexy lover or both, the latter two after they’ve adequately cooled, ovbi.

Sprinkle with even more cheese – sausage’s best accompaniment – and devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

My love bomb, about to explode

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Ah, Nico. Nico. Nico, Nico, Nico. How I love thee, my dear Nico.

I’ve known Nico for close to ten years, after meeting on the set of The Beautiful Life through my friends Corbs and Mish. To say the deep sexual attraction was instant, is an understatement.

After the tragic felling of our mutual friend Milk on RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars 3, I was feeling sooo emotional – am I right, Sash? – so called Nico to see if he wanted to reconnect.

“Oh Ben, I’d love to spend Valentine’s with you,” he giddily screamed into the phone.

“I’m on the next plane, I won’t need to pack much … I can’t wait.”

He then sent me this picture.

Well this should be a fun week, I guess …

Image source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.