Vanilla Ice Cream

Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Seriously, Vanilla Ice would have to be one of the most sweetest people that I am blessed to call my friend!

I’ve been trying to get him to appear on this anthropological endeavour for years and he has always been reticent – I assume wanting to avoid using my fame to shine a light on him – however this call, he felt there was something in my voice that said I needed him.

While that was likely just my weakened state from a bout of Commonwealth Games fever and the related fluid loss from flooding my basement watching the likes of Mitch Larkin, Evan O’Hanlon … who am I kidding, literally every male bouncing in lycra or fresh from the pool.

Anyway, waaaaay off topic – but I’d always advise googling the men’s 100m track sprint or literally any athlete – Vanille heard the lethargy in my voice and got on the next plane to see if I was ok / there was anything he could do to help.

But of course he did, because we’re the best of friends. We first met in January of ‘87 when he got caught up in scuffle of my causing outside of City Lights in Dallas. Said scuffle led to him being stabbed five times, which led to me feeling hella guilty – always follow the Lannister motto and pay your debts – which in turn led to me nursing him back to health.

While that time together went on to inspire Misery – you shady bitch Stephy King – our friendship has never faltered. Though considering I ghost wrote Ice Ice Baby as an apology, how could it?

Van and I haven’t had the chance to see much of each other after his appearance on Dancing with the Stars in 2016. I had pushed him to do the show based on how much Mischa Barton loved her stint on the season before – as did Jodie Sweetin, obvi … but Mish LOVED it – so I was so glad to hear he adored his time on the show.

We then spent the rest of our time laughing, talking about ways to get me co-headlining the I Love the ‘90s tour like I should be … and smashing a big bowl of Vanilla Ice Cream each.

 

 

While it should come as no shock that I whip this up for him on the reg, it doesn’t take away from our delicious this number is. Velvety smooth and packing a (not milli) vanilli punch, it is near perfect.

Enjoy!

 

 

Vanilla Ice Cream
Serves: 1-6.

Ingredients
600ml double cream
375g condensed milk
3 tbsp vanilla extract

Method
Combine the double cream, condensed milk and vanilla extract in the bowl of a stand mixer, and whisk on low until soft peaks form.

Remove from the mixer, transfer to a container and freeze overnight.

The next day, remove it from the freezer and devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Nice nice baby

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Yo, you know how this patch of cyberspace is about me saying to VIPs, let’s kick it? Well, my nice nice baby. Vanilla Ice ice baby is finally joining the ranks.

I called him over the weekend and was all like, stop. Let’s collaborate, no listen. Ice come back over for my brand new invention. It is something that will grab a hold of you tightly … so just fly over like a harpoon daily and nightly.

Will I ever stop?

Yo, hell no. So turn off the lights, drive to LAX and fly till the Hills are but a glow.

I promise, our date will be to the extreme, and I’ll let you rock a mic like a vandal and light up the stage with this wax chump candle, as you say.

Image source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Grantbola

Baking, Breakfast, Vegetarian

Now don’t get me wrong, I love me some Hollywood. I mean, my relationships with the A-list of it inspired this patch of cyberspace … but sometimes it is nice just to hang out with a fellow Australian. And by that, Kiwi we adopted as our own after they became a success.

I first met Granty while working together on Blue Heelers in the ‘90s. You see, I created and wrote for the show, inspired by my experiences in the town of Mt Thomas in the ‘80s. Crime was so rife – 99% of them committed by me – that I knew it would make Aussie TV gold, and a legend was born.

But back to Grant. Grant walked in to audition and I instantly knew that he was the Wayne I had dreamed about and the rest, as I oft say, is history.

Grant was so grateful to me for giving him his big break that he pledged undying allegiance to me and begged me to guide his career. Given he worked on True Blood with Anna and Al, Ugly Betty with Alan Dale, I think you’d agree that my influence truly helped.

No shade to his talent though, obvi.

It was such a delight to hang out together, laugh about the good ol’ days with Sacky, McCune and Johnny Woods, reflect on the tragedy that was the latter seasons of True Blood – minus Skarsy’s peen shot – and devour some nourishing Grantbola for the day ahead.

 

 

Did I not mention we’re both morning people and work out together? We’re sickeningly cute bestos. Inspired by Sarah Wilson’s coconut-nut granola but made infinitely better thanks to the inclusion of fruits and other things you can’t eat after quitting sugar, this is the only granola you want in your life.

Enjoy!

 

 

Grantbola
Serves: 12-ish. Maybe? A soft maybe. I’m not sure, let’s call a shit-tonne and be done.

Ingredients
¼ cup coconut oil
3 cups coconut flakes
½ cup almonds, roughly chopped
½ cup cashews, roughly chopped
½ cup walnuts, roughly chopped
½ cup macadamias, roughly chopped
2 cups rolled oats
1 tbsp vanilla extract
2 tsp cinnamon
pinch of nutmeg
2 tbsp muscovado sugar
½ cup apple puree
½ cup craisins

Method
Preheat oven to 120°C.

Combine everything but the craisins in a large bowl until everything is coated and combined.

Spread across two lined baking sheets and cook for 10 minutes, toss, and cook for a further 10 or so, or until golden. Remove, toss through the craisins and allow to cool completely.

Store in an airtight container for up to two weeks, devouring daily with yoghurt, fresh berries and, if you want to upset Sarah further, some Mahersharaspberry Coulis.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Heel bluey

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Name a town more riddled with crime and corruption, particularly on a per capita basis, than the (thankfully fictional) Mt. Thomas. You can’t, can you?

Anywho, Blue Heelers is one of the best shows to ever exist, ever. Fact. If only for giving the world Maggie Doyle, and me, my dear friend Grant Bowler.

What says I’m glad Blue was your launching pad to hosting 90% of Australian versions of reality TV series?

Image source: Channel 7.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Danni Floatwrights

Drink, Snack, Survivor, Survivor: Guatemala, Sweets

After a blissful week in Byron with Nico and a cruel irony of Liberty-Belle being felled during Pride Week on ANTM, I needed someone far less X-rated and scandalous respectively, to help me celebrate ticking over to sub-two-weeks-left-until-Ghost-Island. And boy was Queen Danni Boatwright the right woman for the job.

As a fellow notable sportscaster and journalist, I knew Danni before her time dominating the irritatingly forgotten season of Guatemala.

While I concur, it did have some wholly unlikable contestants and saw the universally beloved Stephame LaGrossa go from hero to villain (was it solely ignored so she could compete as a hero?), its camps were located in freaking temples and had some amazing contestants worthy of a return. Danni, being one of them.

Rant over.

Kind of … Amy for second chances, damn it.

Despite being on the wrong side of the numbers post-merge, her friendly nature, competitive drive and ability to spot her Hogebooms from her Hawkins, allowed her to seize control of the endgame and murder the most beloved contestant thus far in the final tribal. And it was glorious.

After – spoiler alert – almost returning for Game Changers, Dan has a renewed love for the game and like Tom looks forward to camp-curse LaGrossa making an appearance on Ghost Island, to ruin challenges like the medallion of power … or the everyone gets a prize contestants of San Juan del Sur.

We spent our time gossiping, laughing and plotting all the themes better than the arbitrary ones rolled out in recent years. It was thirsty work, and thankfully I kept the Danni Floatwrights flowing for the duration.

 

 

Does a Root Beer Float call for a recipe, I hear you ask? Screw you … they’re delicious and I make up the rules on this ‘ere website, Manchego Lentox be damned.

Plus … it means it is super easy to follow along at home, meaning you too can feel like part of the A-list.

You’re welcome slash enjoy!

 

 

Danni Floatwrights
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
1-2 scoops vanilla ice cream
375ml can root beer

Method
Scoop ice cream into a highball like you’re Eric Reichenbach.

Slowly pour root beer over said perfectly scooped ice cream

Drank, greedily.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Neneeish Leakes Tart

Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Someone call Olivia Pope y’all, because I’ve got a scandal on my hands! Now I don’t mean to take away from my friendship with NeNe – because let’s be honest, I was balls deep on a back catalogue of leeks recipe awaiting her arrival to this patch of cyberspace – but a damned celebrity has taken issue with how I documented our catch-up.

Disrespectful and offensive. Two words that I have never had thrown my way, callously thrown in a jealous rage for showing an untouched photo of post meal euphoria? Nope. No. Hells no, not today satan. I don’t want to name names because I am mature and kind, by Mannie Bonox can go eat a bag of rotten dicks.

Restraining order or not, I called my fave smear artists and decided to exact my ultimate revenge … by doing an even better version of her recipe with a far better celebrity who is way more fun, far more entertaining and actually delightful. Even better, she doesn’t count herself as an Oscar winner for simply riding the LOTR train when it swept the pool like a loser. Let’s be honest, it should have gone to Eug and Cath’s song from A Mighty Wind.

Anyway … this isn’t about the <redacted stupid bitch that didn’t like mock-cream on her face>, it is about the absolute divine friend of mine, with the juiciest peach known to man – my girl NeNe Leakes!

I first met Neens through my dear friend Bey whilst they were filming The Fighting Temptations. While her scenes were cut from the film, she was an absolute laugh riot … and I realised that I want to live a colourful life, rather than a beige one. Because Neens is probably the most exciting person I know.

Aaaaaaaaannnnyyyway, Neens was thrilled to drop by a catch-up, make-up for my turd ex-friends slight and celebrate the fact that for a decade, she has been one of the four queens of the Real Housewives … with Lisa, and two v. obvs others. To her, having a Neneenish Leakes Tart wasn’t a second place, it was a chance to reclaim the recipe from a buzzkillington for a friend that she loves. And that is why NeNe Leakes is the greatest person to ever grace the planet ever.

 

 

As I tried to mention the first damn time I tried this recipe, I have a passionate aversion to mock cream – which is weird, given my love of butter – so this isn’t the most traditional of neenish tarts. But I would argue, that is what makes it so damn good. Sweet and tangy, with a pastry that melts in your mouth. Sign me up to this goodness.

Enjoy!

 

 

Neneeish Leakes Tart
Makes: 12-16 individual tarts.

Ingredients
250g plain flour, plus more for dusting
50g icing sugar
125g unsalted butter, cubed
1 egg, beaten
raspberry jam, to taste
2 cups icing sugar
½ cup condensed milk
⅓ cup butter, at room temperature
lemon, juice and zest
2 tsp cocoa powder, sifted
4 tbsp water
a few drops of pink food colouring

Method
Chuck the flour and icing sugar in a food processor and quickly blitz to remove any lumps. Add the butter and blitz until it just starts to come together. Add the egg and blitz again. If it isn’t coming together, add ice cold water a tablespoon at a time, blitzing after each addition. Once formed, shape into a disc, cover in cling and place in the fridge to chill for half an hour or so.

Preheat oven to 180C.

Dust a clean bench and a rolling-pin with flour and roll out the pastry until it is 4mm thick. Cut into 12-16 rounds with a cookie cutter, and place into mini-tart pans. Trim off any excess dough and prick the base with a fork. Transfer to the oven and bake for ten-fifteen minutes, or until lightly golden and cooked through. Remove to a cooling rack until completely cooled.

Spread about a teaspoon of jam into the base of each tart and place in the fridge while you work on the filling. On that, combine half a cup of icing sugar with the condensed milk, butter and juice and zest of the lemon, mixing until smooth. You could use a stand mixer if you want, but aggressive utilisation of a wooden spoon – which should be an award show category, TBH – will work just as well.

Divide the filling between the tart cases, smooth the surface and return to the fridge for half an hour, to set.

Combine the remaining icing sugar with the water and stir until smooth. Split it between two bowls, adding the cocoa to one and the food colouring to another. If either is too runny, add some more icing sugar until it is a spreadable consistency.

Spread half of each tart with chocolate icing, and return to the fridge to set for fifteen minutes. Spread the other side with the pink icing, return to the fridge and set … before devouring the lot.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Call Ne By Your Name

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

I’m still in that awkward post-Grammy, pre-Oscar phase where only the Super Bowl and random Guild Awards can sustain the glitterati.

Tragically though, the Super Bowl means that we’re without our recommended weekly intake of peaches … so I picked up a phone and gave favourite Atlantan slash the second juiciest peach in the world, Nene Leakes, a call to reconnect.

What says, I love you, I miss you … and I desperately want to know this season’s tea? That Sheree spilt, obvi

Image source: Bravo.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.