Jonathan Dan Bennoodles

Main, That Is So Fetch Week

Hey, do you know what day it is? Of course you do! It’s October 3rd aka Mean Girls Day aka the entire reason for this year’s That’s So Fetch Week going public. I know you were probably hoping that Tina or Linds would be dropping by, but they have both already gone here … and Linds is still busy stopping that child trafficking ring. So following in Mands and Dan’s footsteps is none other than Aaron Samuels himself, Jonathan Bennett.

Aka the entire reason we have Mean Girls day.

As I alluded to yesterday, Dan Fran and I had a tragic break-up on the set of Mean Girls due by my infatuation for Jonathan which culminated in our torrid affair. Tragically it ended too – maybe because I am too much like Regina George – but Jono and I have been the best of friends ever since.

Hell, I even forgave him for writing the Mean Girls Cookbook without me, that is how close we are. Though considering he chose to go with an actual chef over someone that tries things he finds only and quadruples the garlic content and adds chilli, I really had no right being offended in the first place.

Giving how busy he has been successfully writing a cookbook and hosting a baking show, Jon and I haven’t seen as much of each other as we would like lately. I mean, as besties we Skype each day, particularly since I introduced him to his Amazing Race-r boyfie Jaymes, but there is nothing like the real thing of hanging out with your friends in the same room. Smashing some Jonathan Dan Bennoodles.

 

 

Once again proving my non-chef credentials, this dan dan was inspired by a couple of recipes I found online though hella simplified. And probably nothing like how it should taste. Rich, nutty, spicy and fresh, this baby will fill you with joy and put a fire in your belly. Given the heaping of chilli, obvi.

Enjoy!

 

 

Jonathan Dan Bennoodles
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
1 tbsp vegetable oil
6 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp ginger, minced
500g pork mince
3 tbsp Chinese chilli oil
1 tsp ground Sichuan peppercorns
½ tsp Chinese five spice
2 tsp hoisin sauce
2 tsp shaoxing wine
1 tsp dark soy sauce
2 tbsp tahini
3 tbsp light soy sauce
2 tsp raw caster sugar
2 cups chicken stock
1 tbsp smooth peanut butter
400g udon noodles, cooked as per packet instructions
1 cup baby spinach
1 bok choy, quartered
1 shallot, sliced

Method
Heat the vegetable oil in a large pot over high heat and cook the garlic and ginger for a minute. Add the mince and cook for a further couple of minutes before reducing the heat to medium and adding the chilli oil, spices, sauces, sugar, stock and peanut butter. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to low and simmer until the sauce reduces.

Cook the udon as per packet instructions and add a tablespoon of cooking water to the pan if it starts to get too thick. Add the baby spinach and bok choy to the pan, and cook until heated through before tossing through the noodles.

Serve immediately, sprinkled with shallots and devour. Because it’s October 3rd.

 

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Chocolate Crackelly Ripa

Dessert, Snack

Gaaaaaah, it was such a joy to be able to have my celebrity Fame Hungry superfan and dear friend Kelly Ripa over. I mean, the look of joy on her face from the moment she stepped off the plane to when she sat down for her requisite – and now signature – food-smeared face photo is something that will stay with me for all of time.

Knowing that I was making such a dear friend so happy was but icing on the cake of a wonderful date.

As you know, I met through Kell when visiting Susan Lucci on the set of All My Children and we instantly hit it off with our joie de vivre and wicked senses of humour. And despite her sweeping Mark off his feet at the time I was desperate to woo the zaddy for myself, we have always remained the best of friends.

And as an aside, she is beautiful and perfect and she and Mark make the best couple, so screw you jealous trolls!

Anyway – I was casually dating Regis Philbin in the early ‘00s when Kathie Lee Gifford quit Live! and reminded him about their chemistry during her previous appearances. The rest, as they say, is history. Oh, and you’re welcome America.

But back to the date, while she didn’t give any any spoilers from the upcoming season of Riverdale or think my All My Children reboot would work, we still had a lovely time. Though how could you not when you’re surrounded by mounds of Chocolate Crackelly Ripa.

 

 

Given these bake-sale staples are so well known that the recipe is pretty much open source at this point, credit where credit is due so thank you Kellogg’s! Crunchy, sweet and oh so moreish, there is nothing I’d rather make to honour my girl Kell!

Enjoy!

 

 

Chocolate Crackelly Ripa
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
4 cups rice bubbles
1 cup icing sugar
1 cup desiccated coconut
250g copha, melted
¼ cup cocoa

Method
Chuck everything in a large bowl and stir to combine.

Portion in to patty cases.

Set in the fridge for a couple of hours.

Devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Pizza is after, but what will be the main event

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

I don’t really know where to start when talking about how dear Kelly Ripa is to me.

And not just because she is one of the most powerful people in the media, is a total sweetheart and one half of the adorable Ripa-Consuelos’. She is also a laugh riot and she brings me unending joy.

Though when you’ve been friends for as long as we have – I met her through Susan Lucci on the set of All My Children – that is to be expected. Particularly since we’ve rarely fought.

What do I make that is sweet enough for America’s sweetheart?

Image source: Broad City / Comedy Central.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Joy Beharsagna

Main, Pasta

It was actually my dear friend Joy that reached out to me about dropping by for this week’s date. She had noticed that I dropped off the face of the earth but the google alert featuring my name, rehab, prison and scandal hadn’t pinged, so she was extremely concerned about my welfare.

When I turned my phone back on after a ten minute digital detox, I discovered one to two frantic voice-to-texts that read, ‘Bern. Place chamomile me has been as chew grits kiss. Lava Jay’. After an hour abusing Siri, I deduced that it was Joy and decided to pick up the phone and see what was up.

Her concern for me was up, obvi, and that is why I love her.

I’ve known Joy for years after meeting on the set of Manhattan Murder Mystery in ‘92. I delivering Diane her daily filming steak when I literally bumped into her, in a rom-com fashion. We bantered about the accident, our acerbic wits instantly bonded us and we’ve been the best of friends ever since. To the point where I put her name forward as a potential co-host of The View when Babs refused to hire me in drag as Angela Merkin.

She and I spent the afternoon chatting, laughing and taking a little time to enjoy the view, before sitting down to smash a big old Joy Beharsagna … and watch Australian Survivor, obvi. Honestly, did you really think I was going to make anything else?

 

 

Obviously this is Queen Joy’s famous recipe with the name smooshed into hers. But when I’m making my triumphant comeback to cyberspace, why should I get creative when Joy has already created something of perfection. Sweet and spicy sausage, a whack of herbs and the majesty of ricotta – if you haven’t tried Joy’s lasagna, you’re not living.

 

Enjoy!

 

 

Joy Beharsagna
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
375g fresh lasagna sheets … or Alan Pastarkin, if you dare
2 onions, diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
750g Italian sausage, removed from skins
olive oil
800g crushed tomatoes
¼ cup tomato paste
2 cups passata
¼ cup oregano, roughly chopped
½ cup basil, roughly chopped
2 tsp kosher salt
¾ tsp pepper
500g ricotta cheese
1 ¼ cup parmesan cheese, grated
500g mozzarella cheese, grated
1 egg
¼ cup flat-leaf parsley, roughly chopped

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Heat a lug of olive oil in a large skillet and cook the onion over low heat until translucent. Add the garlic and cook for a further minute before bringing the heat up to medium, adding the sausage and cooking, breaking it up with a wooden spoon, for 10 or so.

Once the meat is no longer pink, add the tomatoes, passata, paste oregano, basil, salt and pepper and cook for twenty minutes or so.

While the sauce is simmering, combine the ricotta, a cup of parmesan, mozzarella, egg, parsley and a good whack of salt and pepper.

To assemble, spread a third of the mixture in the bottom of a large baking dish. Layer a couple of sheets of pasta over the top and spread over half the cheese sauce. Top with another third of the meat, some pasta and a the remaining cheese sauce. Pour over the remaining sauce, top with some parmesan and transfer to the oven to bake for half an hour or so, or until bubbly and crisp.

Devour. Preferably with Karlic Lagerbread.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

You know what, so what, who cares

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Hello *coughs* is this thing on?

As you may have noticed, I’ve taken a little unplanned hiatus (which I totally plan to wipe from memory by posting the multitude of documented-yet-unposted catch-ups in the coming weeks, after which will make this post slash me look completely cray) but I needed a little time for self-care, in the spirit of vegan and shellfish lover Queen Sonja T Morgan.

Oh and for once, self-care isn’t referring to feverish masturbation.

To apologise, I’ll offer you this vague explanation which may or may not include a Type-A aortic dissection (not me), a cold, graduation (not me), moving house, rehab, the flu, aortic arch and valve replacement surgery (I feels for others ok, shut up), prison and not appearing on Australian Survivor (which given my love of Locky last year, is probs a good decision in the post me too world. Particularly for CBS, hey Les?).

So basically, I needed to take a break – or at the very least a nap – and to work through my stress and anxiety.

Lucky for you, I am back and while I didn’t give you a heads up about needing said break, in the words of this week’s iconic guest, you know what, so what, who cares? Yes, my dearest friend Joy Behar is dropping by to help me get my groove back. Which I will use as inspiration to go back in time to write How Stella Got Her Groove Back and snag me my first Oscar, but that is a story for another time.

Any guesses what I’m making Queen Behar?

Image source: The View / ABC.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Vanilla Ice Cream

Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Seriously, Vanilla Ice would have to be one of the most sweetest people that I am blessed to call my friend!

I’ve been trying to get him to appear on this anthropological endeavour for years and he has always been reticent – I assume wanting to avoid using my fame to shine a light on him – however this call, he felt there was something in my voice that said I needed him.

While that was likely just my weakened state from a bout of Commonwealth Games fever and the related fluid loss from flooding my basement watching the likes of Mitch Larkin, Evan O’Hanlon … who am I kidding, literally every male bouncing in lycra or fresh from the pool.

Anyway, waaaaay off topic – but I’d always advise googling the men’s 100m track sprint or literally any athlete – Vanille heard the lethargy in my voice and got on the next plane to see if I was ok / there was anything he could do to help.

But of course he did, because we’re the best of friends. We first met in January of ‘87 when he got caught up in scuffle of my causing outside of City Lights in Dallas. Said scuffle led to him being stabbed five times, which led to me feeling hella guilty – always follow the Lannister motto and pay your debts – which in turn led to me nursing him back to health.

While that time together went on to inspire Misery – you shady bitch Stephy King – our friendship has never faltered. Though considering I ghost wrote Ice Ice Baby as an apology, how could it?

Van and I haven’t had the chance to see much of each other after his appearance on Dancing with the Stars in 2016. I had pushed him to do the show based on how much Mischa Barton loved her stint on the season before – as did Jodie Sweetin, obvi … but Mish LOVED it – so I was so glad to hear he adored his time on the show.

We then spent the rest of our time laughing, talking about ways to get me co-headlining the I Love the ‘90s tour like I should be … and smashing a big bowl of Vanilla Ice Cream each.

 

 

While it should come as no shock that I whip this up for him on the reg, it doesn’t take away from our delicious this number is. Velvety smooth and packing a (not milli) vanilli punch, it is near perfect.

Enjoy!

 

 

Vanilla Ice Cream
Serves: 1-6.

Ingredients
600ml double cream
375g condensed milk
3 tbsp vanilla extract

Method
Combine the double cream, condensed milk and vanilla extract in the bowl of a stand mixer, and whisk on low until soft peaks form.

Remove from the mixer, transfer to a container and freeze overnight.

The next day, remove it from the freezer and devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Nice nice baby

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Yo, you know how this patch of cyberspace is about me saying to VIPs, let’s kick it? Well, my nice nice baby. Vanilla Ice ice baby is finally joining the ranks.

I called him over the weekend and was all like, stop. Let’s collaborate, no listen. Ice come back over for my brand new invention. It is something that will grab a hold of you tightly … so just fly over like a harpoon daily and nightly.

Will I ever stop?

Yo, hell no. So turn off the lights, drive to LAX and fly till the Hills are but a glow.

I promise, our date will be to the extreme, and I’ll let you rock a mic like a vandal and light up the stage with this wax chump candle, as you say.

Image source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Grantbola

Baking, Breakfast, Vegetarian

Now don’t get me wrong, I love me some Hollywood. I mean, my relationships with the A-list of it inspired this patch of cyberspace … but sometimes it is nice just to hang out with a fellow Australian. And by that, Kiwi we adopted as our own after they became a success.

I first met Granty while working together on Blue Heelers in the ‘90s. You see, I created and wrote for the show, inspired by my experiences in the town of Mt Thomas in the ‘80s. Crime was so rife – 99% of them committed by me – that I knew it would make Aussie TV gold, and a legend was born.

But back to Grant. Grant walked in to audition and I instantly knew that he was the Wayne I had dreamed about and the rest, as I oft say, is history.

Grant was so grateful to me for giving him his big break that he pledged undying allegiance to me and begged me to guide his career. Given he worked on True Blood with Anna and Al, Ugly Betty with Alan Dale, I think you’d agree that my influence truly helped.

No shade to his talent though, obvi.

It was such a delight to hang out together, laugh about the good ol’ days with Sacky, McCune and Johnny Woods, reflect on the tragedy that was the latter seasons of True Blood – minus Skarsy’s peen shot – and devour some nourishing Grantbola for the day ahead.

 

 

Did I not mention we’re both morning people and work out together? We’re sickeningly cute bestos. Inspired by Sarah Wilson’s coconut-nut granola but made infinitely better thanks to the inclusion of fruits and other things you can’t eat after quitting sugar, this is the only granola you want in your life.

Enjoy!

 

 

Grantbola
Serves: 12-ish. Maybe? A soft maybe. I’m not sure, let’s call a shit-tonne and be done.

Ingredients
¼ cup coconut oil
3 cups coconut flakes
½ cup almonds, roughly chopped
½ cup cashews, roughly chopped
½ cup walnuts, roughly chopped
½ cup macadamias, roughly chopped
2 cups rolled oats
1 tbsp vanilla extract
2 tsp cinnamon
pinch of nutmeg
2 tbsp muscovado sugar
½ cup apple puree
½ cup craisins

Method
Preheat oven to 120°C.

Combine everything but the craisins in a large bowl until everything is coated and combined.

Spread across two lined baking sheets and cook for 10 minutes, toss, and cook for a further 10 or so, or until golden. Remove, toss through the craisins and allow to cool completely.

Store in an airtight container for up to two weeks, devouring daily with yoghurt, fresh berries and, if you want to upset Sarah further, some Mahersharaspberry Coulis.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Heel bluey

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Name a town more riddled with crime and corruption, particularly on a per capita basis, than the (thankfully fictional) Mt. Thomas. You can’t, can you?

Anywho, Blue Heelers is one of the best shows to ever exist, ever. Fact. If only for giving the world Maggie Doyle, and me, my dear friend Grant Bowler.

What says I’m glad Blue was your launching pad to hosting 90% of Australian versions of reality TV series?

Image source: Channel 7.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.