Tortilla Chips

Sheetpanny Massachos

Main, Poultry, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor 44, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the top eight tried to regroup after an explosive tribal council, none more so than Jamie, who not only was blindsided but also saw her idol walk out of the game in Kane’s pocket. After Frannie took out an epic overnight reward featuring letters from home, she took all the mothers with her, leaving Jamie to do damage control with the boys. Despite telling them nothing but the truth, the boys didn’t believe her (fake) idol walked out the door and as such, she emerged as just as big a threat as challenge beast Frannie. After Carson took out immunity, the tribe tried to figure out which threat was the more pressing issue, with Frannie tragically booted – behind Carolyn’s back who was the only one pushing for Danny, no less – to reunite with her boo, Matt.

Which makes me so happy, despite the loss.

Back at camp Carolyn couldn’t hide her rage at Yam Yam and Carson for not just booting her bestie Frannie, but more importantly, for leaving her out of the vote. While Yam Yam knew it was never going to go down well, he admitted he didn’t expect it to go that badly. She cried and yelled at them as she tried to process the betrayal, while the rest of the tribe huddled at camp glad to not be involved. After Yam Yam went to keep them happy and explain Carolyn was just frustrated – complete with painting her as a massive threat – Carolyn explained to Carson she just never expected they would betray her and as such, she just needs time. Meanwhile Danny was also feeling nervous after his name came up, while Heidi iconically admitted to us that it was totally her that voted for him, but she had zero intentions of telling him that, so instead threw our dearly departed Frannie under the bus.

The next day the tribe woke up for some morning yoga as Jaime asked them all to share and ugh, she is so sweet and I hate how well she thinks she is playing – because she is doing well, TBH – while the producers troll her. As part of their sharing, Heidi opened up about her struggles in life, moving from Puerto Rico barely speaking English, always pushing hard to get what she wants and you best believe she is bringing that energy into the game. Carolyn and Yam Yam took a quiet moment in the dunes to clear the air, assuring each other that it is water under the bridge. Carson soon joined them with the trio proud of how solid they have played as they locked in their final three. Oh and their next plan was to out Heidi for voting for Danny at the previous tribal council to sow a little chaos. After Yam Yam filled him in on the truth, Danny wasn’t sure how it could even benefit her game and as such, went directly to Heidi to see if it was true. And as is fast becoming tradition this season, he believed Heidi’s lies that it wasn’t her and instead decided he needed to come for Yam Yam and the Tika trio.

The tribe came together to enjoy some quiet time by the beach where Carolyn unveiled her lobster shell jewellery and nail adornments. And since she is now one with the lobster, she went frolicking in the ocean as Yam Yam fished, singing Little Mermaid, whether CBS would pay for the rights or not. So yeah, they need to edit the new movie ASAP. The duo then caught up to lock in their next target as either Danny or Lauren, though Yam Yam admitted Danny will likely do whatever they say at tribal council, so they should consider keeping him. Sadly for them, that will not be the case as the rest of the tribe were quickly locking in against the Tika trio – NOOOOOOO – specifically Yam Yam – double noooooo – given he is so likeable. And while they all admitted they love him, they were wise enough to realise that it is that exact thing that makes him a threat.

My love Probst made his episodic debut for the famed Last Gasp immunity challenge where everyone would have to stay under a grate as the tide rises, with the last person under the grate winning. Or two, if the tide starts going back out like last season. Despite not being able to 3D print this one, Carson admitted he practised it in a bathtub, which of course. Yam Yam spoke about trying to become one with the ocean despite how cold it was, while Lauren was already miserable as she shivered away. Everyone was still going after 30 minutes after which Lauren dipped out followed by Jamie as the water started lapping at her nose. After the grate became submerged it was Carson that was next to exit, followed by Carolyn and breath king, zaddy Danny. Heidi and Yam Yam continued to battle for a few minutes before Heidi dropped, handing Yam Yam immunity as he sobbed and his tribe mates looked on with pride.

Back at camp Carson and Carolyn spoke about how critical tonight is for their end game, given Tika is currently outnumbered, should everyone rally against them. Which they obviously did, locking in Carson as the next biggest threat. Danny told Tika that he and Heidi were planning to split between Lauren and Jamie, which Carolyn hilariously saw through as a lie. The Ratus however were just worried about upsetting Carolyn if they blindside Carson. Heidi meanwhile was focused on figuring out if there is a counterplan so she can find the right time to play her idol. Carolyn on the other hand tried to convince Yam Yam that Danny is lying to them and is planning to target Carson, so instead wanted to flip the vote on Danny. Given she wants meathead journey revenge, but also because he is more likely to snatch immunity.

Carson approached the Ratu girls to share his fear that he is Danny’s target, floating the idea of joining together to split up Danny and Heidi. And while he was confident they were on board, they were thrilled to hold the power to decide which group they go with. Carolyn meanwhile was busy reiterating to Yam Yam how important it is to save Carson, begging him to stay strong on Danny and leave the rest to her. While he cautioned her to stay calm. She then joined Carson and filled him in on her idol and assured him she would play it, though she then kinda spiralled about all the variables. Particularly nervous about playing her idol for Carson and getting voted out as a result.

At tribal council Jamie spoke about the fluidity of the game, just needing to find a group of people with a shared target at each vote. Danny meanwhile admitted he was tired, but knew that everyone is a threat and as such, has tried to stay vigilant. Heidi spoke about the need to take risks to make it to the end, while Yam Yam shared he is dedicating all his time to thinking about the jury. Which is draining, but thrilling. Carolyn too has been spinning out by the constant thinking, while Danny spoke about the importance of being chill like a seasoned fighter. Which made Carolyn roll her eyes, given it felt like a dig TBH, is not the case. Lauren meanwhile tried to shade Carolyn for being emotional while she said that she is more experienced and cerebral, which lol, Carolyn runs circles around everyone.

Sadly she then got emotional, sassing out Danny before admitting to Jeff that even he was pissing her off right now. Thankfully Jeffrey praised her for always speaking her mind and fighting, while Yam Yam alluded to the fact he is very nervous about losing an ally tonight while Jamie just wanted everyone to play their roles. Danny was confident in the people he was working with, while Heidi is nervous given her name keeps coming out. Oh and Carson is just nervous, given he knows he is a target and is just proud of himself for achieving so much as a sweet, quirky nerd and ugh, I love him and if Ratu joins with Soka, I am going to riot. Yam Yam praised Carson for being such a sweetheart while Carolyn admitted she is very nervous, particularly since she has had to put her trust in people that betrayed her last tribal council.

With that the tribe voted – Carolyn for what felt like an eternity – before Carolyn whipped out her idol for her sweet baby boy Carson. Sadly for her, it wasn’t necessary as she negated two votes for him before Danny was booted from the game. Complete with his De Niro impersonation for his friends back home which was just dorky and sweet and I miss him already. Given he took it so well, I pulled him in for a massive hug at Ponderosa and thanked him for providing so much levity this season. And guaranteeing a zaddy is cast in a future returnee season, which honestly, is enough to earn you a Sheetpanny Massachos.


This tweaked version of an Antoni number is so packed full of flavours you’ll return to it week after week. A kick of spice and a punch of zing, everything works together perfectly to warm your heart on the coldest of days.

Enjoy!


Sheetpanny Massachos
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
500g chicken breast, roasted and shredded
¾ tsp chilli powder
5 tbsp fresh lime juice
3 tbsp chipotle chiles in adobo, diced
1 tsp kosher salt
450g tomatoes, diced
½ small red onion, diced
2 tbsp seeded jalapenos, diced
3 tbsp coriander, roughly chopped plus extra to serve
400g can black beans, rinsed and drained
350g Tortéa Leoni Chips
450g vintage cheddar, grated
1 avocado, diced
sour cream, to serve

Method
Heat the oven to 220C.

Combine the shredded chicken, chilli powder, three tablespoons of lime juice, the chipotle in adobo and ½ tsp of kosher salt. Next, make the pico de gallo by combining the tomato, onion, fresh jalapeno and coriander with a tablespoon of lime juice and ¼ tsp salt in another bowl. And rounding out the prep, combine the beans, a tablespoon of lime juice and ¼ tsp salt in a bowl and gently crush them to absorb the flavours, but still retain their shape.

To assemble, arrange half the corn chips on the sheet pan, followed by half the chicken measure, half the pico de gallo, half the beans and half the cheese. Now, here is where things get weird, you repeat the process again. Wild, no? Transfer to the oven to bake for 10-15 minutes, or until golden and crisp.

Serve piping hot, topped with diced avo and sour cream, before devouring.


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Crunchwrap Supremme de Luxe

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 1, Main, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

I have just finally seen the first episode of Drag Race España and while I may have come for Jon Kortajarena – I said what I said – but damn I am glad I went through countless quarantines to venture over for the dolls because they were fierce. I mean, ¡ qué divertido ! 

(And you know, the fact that it is available on Stan in Australia so I can watch along with the rest of the world. FYI, this is not an ad. For some reason nobody wants me endorsing their products).

But that is enough about the episode until next week – I have a new take on spoilers and not ruining things for people. Instead, I wanted to focus on the other non-Jon reason for months of quarantining – my dear friend Supremme de Luxe.

I’ve known Supremme for years and years after meeting in a Diana Ross & The Supremes message board on the AOL. Does that age me? 

Don’t answer that.

Anyway, we quickly became the best of friends – like a non-romantic You’ve Got Mail – and when I finally returned to Spain in the mid-aughts to reclaim my throne as Pedro Almodovar’s muse, we finally met and solidified our bond.

She gave me a call a few months before filming was due to commence and honestly, it kind of broke my heart.

“Hey Ben, I know you’re friends with Fred and Pangina too but couldn’t cover their franchises because of language barriers (read: laziness on my part) and lack of timely local broadcasts on a streaming service you have, but I’d really love it if you could find it in your heart to fit your dear friend Supremme into your schedule.

“Oh and Jon will be there, if you could fit him in.”

With that, I vowed to fit everything in and jumped the next plane to Spain and after weeks of quarantine measures, finally got to hold Supremme in my arms, celebrate the upcoming season and split a delightful Crunchwrap Supremme de Luxe.

It is a fact universally acknowledged that there is nothing better in life than a crunchwrap. Tragically both of the ‘Bells in Brisbane are in the outer suburbs and by the time I get them home, they delights are decidedly lacking in the crunch. Thus why I immediately jumped on the copycat train to experience them in all their crunchy glory as Supremme intended.

This riff on the fast food delight is super cheesy, super crunchy and packs a killer punch of chilli and well, let’s just say that this is what dreams are made of.

Enjoy!

Crunchwrap Supremme de Luxe
Serves: 2 hungry besties, 4 normal people.

Ingredients
2 cups Chilli Con Kim Carnes
6 large tortillas
1 cup nacho cheese sauce
2 cups tortilla chips (because tostada shells aren’t readily available, and I love Téa Leoni)
½ cup sour cream
1 avocado, mashed
1-2 cups iceberg lettuce, shredded
1 tomato, diced
1 cup Mexican cheese blend
vegetable oil, for brushin’

Method
Some may call me lazy, but after the pandemic travel and quarantining, I was exhausted upon my arrival in Barcelona and as such, went with the easiest version of the recipe possible.

Once you’ve done the mise en place – did you know je parle français aussi?! – get to work assembling by placing four large tortillas on a bench. Divide the beef mixture amongst them, followed by the cheese sauce, leaving an inch or two bare around the edge. Top with tortilla chips, sour cream, avo, lettuce, tomato and cheese.

Split the remaining large tortillas and use to top the the filling before folding in the edges to create a tight disc. Flip over and leave to settle for five-ten minutes.

Once you’re confident they are closed – you should never be too confident – place a large frying pan over medium heat and once scorching, reduce to low and brush with vegetable oil. Carefully transfer a crunchwrap, seam side down, to the pan and fry for five minutes or so, or until nice and crunchy. Flip and cook for a further five minutes, or until heated through and the cheese is nice and melted. Repeat the process until done.

Then, obviously, devour.


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Lady Gaugamole

Condiment, Dip, Grammy Gold, Grammy Gold: Somebody That I Used to Gold, Vegetarian

Despite the fact that she is slaying the award season game with her film debut, my dear friend Lady Gaga will always be the scrappy little recording artist that could. While I irrationally hated Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta from the first moment I saw her, I am so grateful that Tony Bennett was able to talk sense into me and allow the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

I mean, 100 of my fellow celebrities had told me that I would love Gaga’s sweet, creative soul but it took just one to get through to me and for that, I will always be grateful to Tone.

But enough about Tone, this is about thrice Academy and Emmy Award nominated, six time Grammy winning and my dear friend, Gaga. As I said, my own stupidity kept me from years of friendship with Ga – as only her best friends call her – and while that often wakes me in a cold sweat, I am glad at how quickly we developed the beautiful friendship we have.

Given she is busy residenc-ing and attendee literally every single award show on the planet, I decided to swing by for a post Oscar-nominees luncheon date and, you guessed it, run the odds for the Grammys.

Given she has made a splash in the film world I bequeathed her the honour of helping me pick who will take out Best Music Film and while I see merits in Whitney winning like Ga thinks, I can’t go past Quincy. While I am a dear friend of both Jay and Bey, neither of us can see them beating Childish Gambino’s This Is America.

Obviously I couldn’t bet against Gaga for Best Pop Solo Performance or Best Pop Duo/Group Performance, so we focused on me betting the house on Tony Bennett and Diana Krall’s Love Is Here to Stay for BEst Traditional Pop Vocal Album – though Babs is my most likely spoiler – and my love for Kelly Clarkson isn’t enough to make me bet against Camila Cabello’s creatively titled Camila taking out Best Pop Vocal Album.

While running all those odds can be hungry work, I know that the Academy serves calorie rich food at the nominees luncheon – checky during awards season, no? – so I opted to keep it light with a delicious Lady Gaugamole.

 

 

Nobody loves avocados more than I – excluding Queer Eye’s Antony, obviously – however I had never tasted guac perfection until I encountered Chipotle. Oh Chipotle, how I love you so! The spicy, glorious guac bursting from a burrito and washed down with some Pibb Extreme is my idea of heaven. But this is not an add, focus on their guac – fresh and zingy, it is perfect all by itself.

Enjoy!

 

 

Lady Gaugamole
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 ripe avocados
1 lime, zested and juiced
2 tbsp coriander
1 red onion, finely diced
1 jalapeño, roughly chopped
¼ tsp kosher salt
Tortea Leoni Chips, to serve

Method
Cut the avocados in half, remove the pit and mash the flesh.

Fold through the remaining ingredients.

Devour, with a big bowl of Tortea Leoni Chips.

 

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Tortéa Leoni Chips

Party Food, Side, Snack

My life is essentially a series of bad choices linked together, leaving a memoir made up of my trail of destruction. I mean, I am happy – I’ve got to sleep with countless attractive celebrities as I mingle with Hollywood’s elite – but I am fully aware that my actions can leave behind a trail of broken homes and hearts.

Essentially I’m Angelina Jolie and my life is a trail of Jens. Although, she really won in the end amirite?

Anyway, my dear, sweet Téa, thankfully, never allowed herself to be a victim of my debaucherous behaviour with Dave.

After making Tay-Tay a star, I introduced her to my protege Day-Day – love blossomed and a 90s power-couple was born. Then the noughties happened and Day-Day and I got naughty.

It was a very hard (don’t even go there) time for the three of us but Tay knew that we were both spiralling and that we weren’t trying to hurt her. It was a long process, working through all of our feelings after we sorted out our issues, but I will always be thankful to Tay for forgiving us both. When you screw up as often as I do, you get pretty good at apologising, I guess.

Tay, in my humble opinion, is one of the most underrated actresses of our time and I am so glad she wanted to drop by and plot her way back to the A-list. Yes, she is currently starring in the hit Hillary Clinton-lite TV show … but she is finally ready to go after my opus of getting her an Oscar.

I mean, sure, I could give her the seven I’ve stolen from my friends over the years but I really feel she has what it takes to win her own after an egregious snubbing for Jurassic Park III.

Tay was in such a good mood, have just wrapped the latest season of Madam Sexretary and felt ready to focus all of her energy on plotting and scheming her path to gold (oddly she chose to travel without Tim, but I guess that was a wise choice given our past). As you know, scheming makes me hungry, so I was quick to whip up a batch of my Tortéa Leoni Chips.

 

tortea-leoni-chips-1

 

There was once a time in my life where tortillas were solely used to make burritos, enchiladas or tacos. It was a terrible fucking existence even with Day-Day in my bed, if I’m going to be honest.

Crisp, light and delicious, tortilla chips are the perfect scheming snack.

Enjoy!

 

tortea-leoni-chips-2

 

Tortéa Leoni Chips
Serves: 6, with dips … obviously.

Ingredients
10 flour tortillas, cut into triangles
vegetable oil

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Arrange triangles/strips on two large baking sheets. Brush the chips with vegetable oil and bake for 10-15 minutes, or until crisp, puffed and golden.

Devour with your favourite dips. Salsa Struthers is a pretty good option, FYI.

Obviously you could deep fry them, but you know I’m terrified of pots of oil.

 

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