My life is essentially a series of bad choices linked together, leaving a memoir made up of my trail of destruction. I mean, I am happy – I’ve got to sleep with countless attractive celebrities as I mingle with Hollywood’s elite – but I am fully aware that my actions can leave behind a trail of broken homes and hearts.

Essentially I’m Angelina Jolie and my life is a trail of Jens. Although, she really won in the end amirite?

Anyway, my dear, sweet Téa, thankfully, never allowed herself to be a victim of my debaucherous behaviour with Dave.

After making Tay-Tay a star, I introduced her to my protege Day-Day – love blossomed and a 90s power-couple was born. Then the noughties happened and Day-Day and I got naughty.

It was a very hard (don’t even go there) time for the three of us but Tay knew that we were both spiralling and that we weren’t trying to hurt her. It was a long process, working through all of our feelings after we sorted out our issues, but I will always be thankful to Tay for forgiving us both. When you screw up as often as I do, you get pretty good at apologising, I guess.

Tay, in my humble opinion, is one of the most underrated actresses of our time and I am so glad she wanted to drop by and plot her way back to the A-list. Yes, she is currently starring in the hit Hillary Clinton-lite TV show … but she is finally ready to go after my opus of getting her an Oscar.

I mean, sure, I could give her the seven I’ve stolen from my friends over the years but I really feel she has what it takes to win her own after an egregious snubbing for Jurassic Park III.

Tay was in such a good mood, have just wrapped the latest season of Madam Sexretary and felt ready to focus all of her energy on plotting and scheming her path to gold (oddly she chose to travel without Tim, but I guess that was a wise choice given our past). As you know, scheming makes me hungry, so I was quick to whip up a batch of my Tortéa Leoni Chips.

 

 

There was once a time in my life where tortillas were solely used to make burritos, enchiladas or tacos. It was a terrible fucking existence even with Day-Day in my bed, if I’m going to be honest.

Crisp, light and delicious, tortilla chips are the perfect scheming snack.

Enjoy!

 

 

Tortéa Leoni Chips
Serves: 6, with dips … obviously.

Ingredients
10 flour tortillas, cut into triangles
vegetable oil

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Arrange triangles/strips on two large baking sheets. Brush the chips with vegetable oil and bake for 10-15 minutes, or until crisp, puffed and golden.

Devour with your favourite dips. Salsa Struthers is a pretty good option, FYI.

Obviously you could deep fry them, but you know I’m terrified of pots of oil.

 

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