Pumpkin & Ricotta Cannelloni Anderson

Main, Pasta, Vegetarian

So Notorious. I was talking about So Notorious, the hit sitcom based on Tori Spelling’s life starring Tori Spelling and Loni as a heightened version of the divine Candy Spelling. Just in case the tease didn’t make it abundantly clear.

It was such a delight to reconnect with someone as dear as sweet Loni!

She ran through customs with a look of pure joy on her face and while at a distance I assumed it was someone trying to avoid an inspection on account of me needing new glasses, she eventually came into my line of site and jumped straight into my arms.

We both burst into tears, followed by fits of laughter at how emotional we were being and to be honest, I’m shocked our behaviour didn’t get us escorted out of the airport.

After we got home we got to work reminiscing and catching up. While she wasn’t convinced that So Notorious needed to come back and we need to take my ideas to Torz post haste, we still had a wonderful time. Which really just speaks to how deep our friendship runs.

Though I mean, when you share an ex-husband like Burt you’ve both got to admit you both have fantastic taste. Which was evidence by how much we both love a creamy Pumpkin & Ricotta Cannelloni Anderson.

 

 

Earthy, spiced and dripping in glorious, gloopy cheese, these cannelloni pack a comforting punch. They’re the perfect meal for a cool spring night, while gabbing away with a dear friend over some cheap wine.

I mean, why pretend I drink anything better?

Enjoy!

 

 

Pumpkin & Ricotta Cannelloni Anderson
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
6 tbsp butter, halved
2 leeks, thinly sliced
750g butternut pumpkin, diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
½ cup dry vermouth
salt and pepper, to taste
10 sage leaves, roughly chopped, halved
pinch of nutmeg, grated
1 ½ cups ricotta
1 cup parmesan, grated
500g dried cannelloni tubes
¼ cup flour
1 cup milk
1 cup cream
½ cup walnuts, roughly chopped

Method
Melt half the butter in a large pot and cook the leek and pumpkin over medium heat for about ten minutes. Add the garlic, vermouth and a good whack of salt and pepper, reduce heat to low and cook for a further ten minutes or so, or until the liquid has all absorbed. Allow to cool slightly before transfering to a food processor with half the sage and the nutmeg, ricotta and parmesan and blitzing until smooth.

Preheat oven to 160°C.

Meanwhile melt the remaining butter in a saucepan over medium heat, and once foamy, whisk in the flour and cook for a couple of minutes. Add the milk and cream and cook, stirring, for a couple of minutes or until smooth and thick.

To assemble, pour half of the cream sauce into the base of a baking dish. Pipe the pumpkin mixture into the cannelloni tubes and lay on top of the creamy sauce. Top with the remaining sauce and sprinkle with sage and walnuts. Transfer to the oven and bake for 45 minutes, or until bubbly and golden.

Allow to rest for five minutes before serving and devouring.

 

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John Coq Au Ransling

Main, Poultry, Survivor: Caramoan - Fans vs. Favourites, Survivor: South Pacific

While I kind of dropped off the radar – which as you know, I will strike from memory in the coming weeks – as soon as Wendell defeated Domenick thanks to Laurel breaking the tie on Ghost Island, I am super pumped by the fact that in sub five weeks Survivor: David vs. Goliath will be back and all will be right in the world.

Because let’s be honest, no matter how terrible a season can be any survivor is better than no Survivor because there will also be a Michael or Brendan to thirst over.

As has become the tradition, I decided to reach out to some of my dearest Sole Survivor friends to countdown to the latest season … and since they were all unavailable, I decided to invite John Cochran.

I joke, I joke! I love Cochran and he is my dearest friend … now. But damn did I hate him during the horror that was South Pacific. The self-deprecating humour, the inability to fit in with the jocks and not wanting to get naked in the water – it was like watching myself on screen and I just couldn’t handle it.

Thankfully his flip to Coach and Co’s side led to a glorious Sophie victory, so I apologised to him for my heavy use of voodoo during the season and we slowly, tentatively became the best of friends. A friendship so strong, I couldn’t even bring myself to hate him when he voted against my lover Malcolm in his winning season.

Say what you will about the season being terrible and made for him, Caramoan had some killer moments – the TEETH, Malcolm losing his pants, Dawn seething about missing out on the family reward – and Cochran ran the game, well and truly deserving his victory.

While we couldn’t run the odds since the cast is yet to be released, we do agree that Probst’s friend, creator of Enlightened and The Amazing Race contestant Mike White – who was clearly visible in the preview at the end of Ghost Island – should become an icon of the game … and the hot cop will most likely be my number one thirst trap. Though maybe those opinions were just the John Coq Au Ransling talking.

 

 

Like his oft joked about daughter – with Sophie, obvi – Aubry Bracco, I can’t bring myself to see him without the sweet flavour or bacon, mushrooms, chicken and sweet, sweet wine. This time, however, the wine is white and hot damn does it still taste amazing. Rich and creamy, Coq au Riesling is all the fun of Coq Au Vin but with a lightness … that is removed by addition of cream. But it’s cream, so you know what, so what, who cares.

Enjoy!

 

 

John Coq Au Ransling
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 tbsp butter
2 onions, diced
6 rashers of streaky bacon, diced
6 garlic cloves, minced
500g chicken thighs, diced
250g mushrooms, sliced
750ml Riesling
1 cup cream
salt & pepper, to taste
handful parsley, roughly chopped

Method
Melt the butter in a large pan and sweat the onions over medium-low heat for five minutes, or until soft and translucent. Add the bacon and cook until the fat has rendered before adding the garlic and cooking for a further minute or so.

Reduce heat to low, add the mushrooms and cook for five minutes or until browned and glorious. Add the chicken and cook for a minute to brown the sides before drowning, giddily, in wine. Crank up the heat and bring to the boil before reducing to a simmer and cooking, covered for half an hour.

Remove the lid and stir in the cream and cook for a further five minutes, or until slightly reduced. Season, sprinkle with parsley and remove from the heat. Serve immediately, and devour with a generous hunk of French Sourdough. Like a Paige de Keragne, for instance.

 

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Pizzastarah Silverman

Main, Pasta

Let me start by getting the obvious out of the way first – while my dear friend Sarah Silverman wasn’t able to get me a role in Wreck-It Ralph 2, the rough cut she showed me is hilarious. Though I stand by the fact I should have been in the princesses scene as the queen.

But whatevs.

Thankfully I’ve been friends with Sez for such a long time, that I was able to look past the slight and join together for a nice date. I’m a damn saint, I tells you.

I first met Sare while skulking around 30 Rock trying to get Lorne Michaels to lift my life ban. She was finishing up her one-and-done run on the show while I was being escorted from the building, and Clive the kindly security guard threw me into her path. I call him kindly because that harsh toss from the door led me to my best friend, and for that I’ll always be grateful.

I took advantage of her post-SNL pain, and drove her to show them what a big mistake – HUGE – they had made, and in turn ride her coattails to fame, fortune and success.

While we had a brief period of vicious feuding after her edits on Fucking Matt Damon made me lose out on an Emmy – yeah, my version was pretty X rated – I moved past it because I knew my life is better with Sare Silv in it.

Who am I? That was so earnest and sweet.

Anyway – as I am wont to do, we laughed, we cried, we watched the movie, we watched the random swingers party happening in the rooftop pool in the building across the street and we smashed a deliciously confusing hybrid Pizzastarah Silverman.

 

 

What is better than pizza or pasta? Yes, you guessed it – a pasta made out of pizza ingredients! Ten points to Gryffindor! I mean, nothing can possibly give your pasta a pep in its step quite like pepperoni. Add in olives, mushies, parm and all the usual pizza suspects, and you’re in for a world of joy.

Enjoy!

 

 

Pizzastarah Silverman
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
olive oil
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 onion, diced
1 tbsp chilli flakes
a handful of mushrooms, sliced
½ cup black olives, sliced
½ cup sundried tomatoes, sliced
½ cup chargrilled capsicum, sliced
100g pepperoni, sliced
2 cooked Italian Sausage, sliced
400g can diced tomatoes
½ – 1 cup cream, to taste
2 cups baby spinach
salt and pepper, to taste
½ cup grated parmesan, plus extra for serving
500g pappardelle

Method
Start by getting a large pot of water boiling over high heat.

While the water is coming to a rollicking party, heat a lug of oil in a frying pan over medium heat Add the garlic and onion and cook for a couple of minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the chilli, mushrooms, olives, sundried tomatoes and chargrilled capsicum and cook for a further minute before stirring through the pepperoni and sausage.

Add the tomatoes and cream and bring to a simmer for a couple of minutes, reduce heat to low, add the spinach and a good whack of salt and pepper and leave to bubble, covered, while you cook the pasta as per packet instructions.

When the pasta is ready, add the parmesan to the creamy tomato sauce and stir well. Toss the pasta into the pan and stir until coated. Serve immediately, slathered in additional parmesan for optimal devouring.

 

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Jenneer Saagustin

Main, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor the Contenders luck started to wear thin and try as they might, they couldn’t pull together a win in either challenge. Maybe in part because Lydia almost pulled Jenna’s ankle straight off her leg, but I digress. Heading back to tribal, the Contenders seemed split down gender lines with Paige trying to join the boys to get rid of Shonee, though they intended to target her and the girls and parents alliances  – aka the girls minus Paige and plus Heath – joining together to target Steve K. In the end, the boys and Paige were shocked to see their two different plans blow up and poor lil’ Steve sent from the game.

We opened up at the Champions where Moana and Mat were bonding over their football careers, and while sport chat normally makes me feel anxious, it was hella sweet to see them talking about their dreams like that. Sharn and the one true Steve then joined the fray and damn, wouldn’t this be a sweet final four? I can’t believe I’m rooting for the Champions.

The next day we checked in with the Contenders where everyone was quiet after Steve K’s blindside. The most shocked, however, was Paige who not only landed in the minority but she only received votes from the people that she thought trusted her. For some reason, she went back to the boys to see whether she could trust them again instead of going to the girls and parents alliance. Meanwhile Zach continued his descent into villaindom, bitching about Paige’s fears while Benji and his fluctuating accent continued to dwell in the background.

Meanwhile back at the Champions everyone was feeling the love for one another. Well, except for Lydia and Sharn who were sick of Brian never doing anything to help. Ever. Though they could see the silver lining, agreeing that it makes voting him out that much easier. Speaking of Brian, he defended his laziness saying that if everyone else wants to work they can and he doesn’t need to prove himself. While I agree with that, the fact he thinks ‘Brian Time’ is not painting a target on his back and killing his strategic game, shows he has no clue.

Oh and Jenna is still well injured and is really emotional, which is heartbreaking to watch.

Jonathan quickly made his return to the screen for the reward challenge though Paige quickly turned it into a tea spilling session, sharing that the vote was not unanimous, much to the disgust of her tribemates. Before she could lay all their secrets bare, Jonathan announced that the challenge would require the tribes to make their way down a course using three barrels and two planks without anyone touching the ground. Once at the end, two castaways would try and fish four balls to them and attaching them to a frame. Once he announced that it was for an Aussie pub lunch, everyone was overcome with joy and desperate to smash a pint. The Champions got out to an early lead thanks to the leadership and all around perfection of Steve, crossing the line before the Contenders were even half done. Brian and Jackie snagged their balls while the Contenders continued to flounder, crossing the line as the Champions attached their first ball. Jenna and Zach quickly secured their balls and closed the gap … before briefly overtaking, only to drop their balls and hand victory to the Champions once again. Much to Robbie’s chagrin.

The dejected Contenders tribe returned to camp with Anita trying to boost everyone’s morale. Meanwhile Zach, Benji and Robbie pulled Tegan aside to talk about how poorly Paige performed in the challenge. To prove their point, Zach went down on the beach and held Robbie and Benji on his shoulders – I squat double them *eyeroll* – in full view of Paige and the girls. While I would normally be all in for such messy, pettiness … he is just a dick now.

Washing the taste of jerk out of my mouth we headed over to the beach pub where Steve and the Champions were thrilled to be downing a pint and smashing a pie before Shane noticed a photo board celebrating why they are Champions. They then swapped stories about their achievements and it was all sweet as hell, I assume until it got to Jackie as she trolled them with a picture of her playing with her rubix cube. It was iconic, but then Shane spoke about her achievements at 15 and Mat about his autistic son and how he and his iconic wife Chloe started a charity to help other families get help. Once again, fuck me dead, I am crying.

The tribes reconvened for the immunity challenge where Robbie was desperate to get another win on the board and looked willing to kill to get it. Before getting to the challenge, Jonathan announced that the doctors were still concerned about Jenna’s ankle and she would be choppered out to undergo scans to make sure it wasn’t fractured. Thankfully though, it seemed to only be for the challenge and if cleared she will be able to return to the game. With those tears out of the way, each tribe would start on a large platform and one-by-one slide down and swim to platform before paddling a canoe out to a tower, retrieving three rings, returning to the top of the tower and landing the rings on a pole.

The Contenders got out to a slight lead on the slide portion, which continued to grow as Brian steered the Champions well of course with Steve as their only hope. Benji snagged all the Contenders rings before the Champions made their way to the tower. Then Steve happened, catching up and pedaling the boat at full speed backwards. Sadly they had to turn the boat around, giving the Contenders their lead back. And then some. The Champions snatched back the lead whilst hoisting themselves up the wall, until Brian struggled and allowed the Contenders to pull back in front. That is until they missed landing all of their rings. Mat landed the first ring for the Champions, followed closely by Jackie getting their second and while Zach managed to snatch one, it was all for nothing as Moana secured another immunity for the Champions.

Back at camp Zach didn’t care which female goes home, as he deems them all useless. Heath tried to give everyone a pep talk, saying that if Jenna returns they need to vote her out as they need to maintain their strength. While they all agreed to have a nice afternoon, Anita spread that Paige was sharing intell with the Champions at the challenge like wildfire, much to the rage of Queen Tegan and they tried to secure enough votes to take her out. Sadly that was interrupted by the return of Jenna who arrived on crutches and tearfully announced that she had been cleared to stay however was unable to do anything really, except for throwing, boosting morale and doing puzzles. While Heath continued to push to get rid of Jenna for the sake of the tribe, Tegan couldn’t bring herself to take out their ally and begged him to join them in getting rid of Paige instead.

At tribal council Jonathan asked for an update on Jenna’s health, leading to a heartbreaking monologue about how much she contributes to the tribe and how desperately she wanted to stay. Fenella praised her leadership and positivity as everyone nodded their heads in agreeance. JoJo got shady and questioned the boys about throwing their votes on their ally Paige. Paige tried to pretend it was all good between them and that they all trust each other. Anita started shaking her head, completely disagreeing that Paige can be trusted. Zach joined the fray talking about how great Jenna is, however she is useless to them at the moment and they need to take her out. Shonee and Tegan spoke about how much Jenna means to them and that trust is important to them. Heath wrapped things up talking about the fact they need to keep the tribe strong before they become extinct.

Jenna then jumped in and told everyone to trust their gut and follow their heart when it comes to the vote. She then told the girls that they need to remember how strong they all are, and not to let anyone push them around. Meanwhile Robbie and Benji started whispered about who else, if anyone, they could possibly vote for. With that, the tribe voted and one be one, the votes rolled in for Jenna and the poor, motivational icon found herself booted from the game she so desperately wanted to play.

While she was pretty upset when she arrived at Loser Lodge, she agreed that her tribe made the only decision they could. As hard as it may be to accept. We then cried for a bit about how sad we were to see her before settling in to smash a Jenneer Saagustin to cheer her up. Until it hit me …

 

 

Curry is the new Pizza Curse?! The curse was waiting out their on Ghost Island and since I – *spoiler alert* – didn’t make pizzas for anyone in this cast, its powers grew and transferred to curries. I mean, how else can you explain the back-to-back curry losses? You can’t.

Though … when they taste this good, how can you complain. Fresh paneer, creamy spiced spinach – YAS YAS YAS.

Enjoy!

 

 

Jenneer Saagustin
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
peanut oil
200g paneer, diced
1 onion, diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp minced ginger
1 tbsp garam masala
2 tsp ground cumin
2 tsp chilli powder
½ tsp turmeric
2 tomatoes, diced
500g frozen spinach, defrosted
½ cup cream
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Heat a good lug of peanut oil in a large pan over medium heat and fry the paneer on either side for a couple of minutes, or until golden and crisp. Remove from the heat and transfer to some paper towel to drain.

Add a little more oil to the pan and saute the onion, garlic and ginger for five minutes or so, or until softened. Stir in the garam masala, cumin, chilli and turmeric, and cook for a further minute or until your kitchen is so fragrant you can barely contain yourself. Add the tomatoes, reduce heat to low and cook, stirring, for about ten minutes.

Once the fragrant tomatoey goodness is starting to reduce, bring the heat back to medium and stir through the spinach. Cook for five minutes further before stirring through the cream and paneer, and cooking for an additional five minutes.

Serve immediately and devour with a tonne of rice, chapati, naans and/or papadums. Preferably and, not or.

 

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Bill Skolsbård

Baking, Bread, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Between Michael on Survivor and my ongoing obsession with Kameron Michaels on Drag Race, you’d be forgiven for thinking I had reached peak thirstiness. But I haven’t, dear reader, I haven’t. Well, technically hadn’t, until my dearest Billy Skars dropped by to catch up.

While I will always hold Alexander up on a pedestal as my number one Skars, there is something about Bill that fills my heart with joy. And well, make blood rush to other places.

But anyway, I first met Bill through Al – after he stopped seeing me as a creepy stalker – a few years ago and I instantly knew he had that certain something Stellan, Al and Gustaf all had, so I vowed to make him a star. I got him a job with Kiz, Az and Cazza on Anna Karenina and followed it up with my husband and my family movie, The Divergent Series: Allegiant with our cousins Shailene Woodley and Ashley Judd.

I then spoke to Finn and got him the job on It … and the rest, as I oft say when I can’t think of anything to add, is history.

After Bill and I caught up and then caught up, we were positively famished so it was super convenient I had a big fresh batch of my Bill Skolsbård hidden away by the bed.

 

 

Fresh, warm, spicy and pillowy dough, jam packed with sweet, creamy custard, these babies are the perfect thing for an afternoon snack … after an afternoon delight. And they’ll definitely make your stomach see skyrockets in flight. Boom.

 

Enjoy!

 

 

Bill Skolsbård
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 ⅔ cups milk, plus ½ a cup for the custard
60g unsalted butter
7g yeast
½ cup raw caster sugar, plus 2 tbsp for the custard
4 cups plain flour
1 tsp cardamom
½ tsp cinnamon
pinch of nutmeg
2 yolks, plus one whole egg, whisked, for brushin’
½ cup cream
2 tsp cornflour
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup icing sugar
½ cup desiccated coconut

Method
Combine the not-for-custard milk and butter in a saucepan over low heat and stir until it has just melted and combined. Remove from the heat and stir through the yeast and caster sugar and leave to foam for ten minutes or so. While things are getting frothy, combine the flour and spice in the bowl of a stand mixer before slowly combining the liquid. After it reaches peak froth, obvi. Knead using a dough hook on medium for five minutes, or until smooth and elastic. Transfer to a large oiled bowl, cover and leave to prove in a warm place for 2 hours, or until doubled in size.

Once doubled, knock the dough back down to size like an emotionally abusive parent and divide the dough into quarters. Roll each into logs, cut them into 4, shape each into rounds and transfer to a lined baking sheet. Cover and leave to prove for a further halfies.

While the buns are rising – as opposed to making me rise – preheat the oven to 180°C and start work on the custard. Combine the remaining milk in a saucepan with the cream and bring to a simmer over medium heat. Remove from the heat straight away. Meanwhile whisk the yolks, cornflour and vanilla in a clean, dry bowl before slowly whisking in the warmed dairy until smooth and combined. Return the mixture to the saucepan and place over low heat and cook, stirring, until starting to thicken. Transfer to a bowl via a sieve, cover directly on the surface with cling and chill until ready for bakin’.

Do as I do and press into each bun to make a deep indentation. Fill said hole with the fresh, creamy custard. Brush the exposed buns with the egg to glaze and transfer to the oven to bake for 20 minutes or so, or until golden and risen. You may need to rotate / swap the trays throughout baking if you’re without a fan force. But is anyone these days? Please let me know in the comments.

Transfer to a wire rack and allow to cool for ten minutes or so before combining the icing sugar with a tablespoon of water to form a paste. Brush each bun with the glaze and sprinkle with the coconut. Leave to set for ten minutes or so before annihilating. Sorry, I mean devouring.

 

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Khrystyana Kapapavlova

America's Next Top Model, America's Next Top Model 24, Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

After Shanice walked away from the competition because, I assume, Philipp Plein is racist in addition to being a sexpest and a mysoginist, Jeana continued to be a total bitch while she giddily celebrated Shanice’s exit. On the flipside, the heroes of our story Khrystyana and Kyla both were gutted to see such a kind, hard working person cut just before the end. Jeana and Phi Phi O’Hara need to hang out and douse themselves in Delusion by Jinkx Monsoon and talk about how poorly they were edited for such kind people.

Mickey B arrived to lord over the final three’s shoot where Jeana couldn’t find an angle while bald though tragically slayed when Drew gave her a wig. Thankfully Khrystyana slayed the entire thing while Kyla was underwhelming, according to Jeana. Back at the house the final three received the final Tyra Mail announcing the impending fashion show, which made Kyla nervous based on her inexperience while, I assume, Jeana was skulking about looking to feed off people’s fear like a dementor.

The next day the final three and Jeana’s shit eating grin arrived at the airport hangar Plein was hoping to hock his fugly wares in, to find Drew and Law to guide them through the runway and introduce the eliminated queens. Sandra and Rhiyan were firmly team Kyla, Liberty, Erin, Shanice, Ivana and Rio were team Khrystyana – and I assume literally everyone else – while no one but Philipp Plein was team Jeana.

Stacey McKenzie arrived to give the girls a pep talk, reducing Khrystyana to tears. Thankfully Stacey is a saint, going in on motivating Khrystyana and trying to pull her out of her head, while the person that called her a horse looked on in shock, wondering where her confidence would have disappeared to. Tyra arrived to bring the models some co-models for the runway, a bunch of adorable children, one of whom will be traumatised by the cold-hearted Jeana.

Jeana owned the runway … to the point she thought it was ok to abandon her kid at the end. Kyla slayed and dragged a jacket on the ground like Plein deserves and Khrystyana was adorable but focused on the kid and kept losing the jacket. When it came to the solo runway, Kyla seemed stiff, Philipp Plein yelled at Khrystyana before her walk and she lost all personality while Jeana looked awesome. The final three walked together and once again Jeana looked fierce – not nek level though – and was favoured by Plein.

Drew and Ashley arrived backstage to tell the final three that their final panel would be happening immediately on the runway. Tyra then dropped another bombshell, announcing that the judges would critique their Paper shoots and someone else would be sent from the competition, leaving a final two. Kyla received universal praise, particularly for her growth from week one. Khrystyana looked adorable, though Law hated the shoot and felt she looked like Kyla’s drunk older sister. Thankfully Drew and Tyra went in to bat for her, saying that is what they want for a Paper shoot and that it told her story. Jeana’s photo was good not great, though Law loved it and thought it was more Paper … while Drew, who is actually employed by Paper, felt she was hard to work with and couldn’t take a shot. Tragically Tyra loved the photo and poor Khrystyana found herself joining the ranks of Shangela as the robbed goddess of ANTM 24.

I’m actually shocked they managed to edit around the moment Tyra announced Khrystyana was eliminated, as I immediately erupted in screams and channelled her infamous Tiffany rant. I started tearing down the runway and burning Philipp Plein’s fugly collection before Khrystyana was able to pull me back from the brink and calm me down. She held me tight as I cried for what felt like an hour before my sobs turned to quiet sorrow. With that, I pulled out my Khrystyana Kapapavlova and apologised because I intended it as her victory meal.

 

 

Perfectly cooked coffee meringue, slathered with cream and a dusting of cocoa, this dessert is every bit as perfect as Khrystyana. And every bit as victorious as she should have been.

Sorry, I need to go cry again for the rigga morris.

Enjoy!

 

 

Khrystyana Kapapavlova
Serves: 6, or just me while I cry about her Shangie-esque robbery.

Ingredients
250g raw caster sugar
½-1 cup freshly brewed coffee
4 large egg whites
1 tsp cream of tartar
300 ml thickened cream
½ tsp vanilla extract
cocoa powder, for dusting

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C and line a baking sheet with baking paper.

Combine the sugar and coffee in a small saucepan – depending on how strong you’d like the coffee hit, use ½-1 cup of coffee and top it up with water to make sure you use 1 cup of liquid. Does that make sense? That makes sense. Anyway, bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer without stirring until it comes to 115°C on a candy thermometer.

Start whisking the egg whites and cream of tartar in a stand mixer until soft peaks form, by which time the coffee syrup should have reached 121°C. Increase mixer to high and slowly pour in the syrup until combined before reducing to medium and whisking until thick, glossy and the bowl just warm to the touch. About fifteen-twenty minutes.

Dollop the meringue on the centre of a lined baking sheet, forming edges with a palette knife to give some solid structural integrity … like our Queen, you dick Philipp Plein. Transfer to the oven, reduce heat to 150°C and bake for an hour. Switch off the oven and leave in the oven to cool.

Transfer to serving platter, top-side down, and peel off the baking paper.

Whip the cream and vanilla until stiff(ish) peaks form before delicately placing over the meringue. Dust with cocoa and devour, greedily, in honour of our rightful victor.

Oh and one last time, fuck you Philipp Plein you fuck.

 

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Vanilla Ice Cream

Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Seriously, Vanilla Ice would have to be one of the most sweetest people that I am blessed to call my friend!

I’ve been trying to get him to appear on this anthropological endeavour for years and he has always been reticent – I assume wanting to avoid using my fame to shine a light on him – however this call, he felt there was something in my voice that said I needed him.

While that was likely just my weakened state from a bout of Commonwealth Games fever and the related fluid loss from flooding my basement watching the likes of Mitch Larkin, Evan O’Hanlon … who am I kidding, literally every male bouncing in lycra or fresh from the pool.

Anyway, waaaaay off topic – but I’d always advise googling the men’s 100m track sprint or literally any athlete – Vanille heard the lethargy in my voice and got on the next plane to see if I was ok / there was anything he could do to help.

But of course he did, because we’re the best of friends. We first met in January of ‘87 when he got caught up in scuffle of my causing outside of City Lights in Dallas. Said scuffle led to him being stabbed five times, which led to me feeling hella guilty – always follow the Lannister motto and pay your debts – which in turn led to me nursing him back to health.

While that time together went on to inspire Misery – you shady bitch Stephy King – our friendship has never faltered. Though considering I ghost wrote Ice Ice Baby as an apology, how could it?

Van and I haven’t had the chance to see much of each other after his appearance on Dancing with the Stars in 2016. I had pushed him to do the show based on how much Mischa Barton loved her stint on the season before – as did Jodie Sweetin, obvi … but Mish LOVED it – so I was so glad to hear he adored his time on the show.

We then spent the rest of our time laughing, talking about ways to get me co-headlining the I Love the ‘90s tour like I should be … and smashing a big bowl of Vanilla Ice Cream each.

 

 

While it should come as no shock that I whip this up for him on the reg, it doesn’t take away from our delicious this number is. Velvety smooth and packing a (not milli) vanilli punch, it is near perfect.

Enjoy!

 

 

Vanilla Ice Cream
Serves: 1-6.

Ingredients
600ml double cream
375g condensed milk
3 tbsp vanilla extract

Method
Combine the double cream, condensed milk and vanilla extract in the bowl of a stand mixer, and whisk on low until soft peaks form.

Remove from the mixer, transfer to a container and freeze overnight.

The next day, remove it from the freezer and devour.

 

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Vodcara Delevingatoni

Main, Pasta, Vegetarian

While I haven’t known Cara Delevingne for as long as some of the friends I’ve featured here, she is probably one of my best friends. Scrap that, is.

Given we’ve both got such busy schedules, Car and I don’t always get to spend as much time together as we’d like but when we do it is damn near perfection. Like that time I partied with her, Paris Jackson and Macaulay … which I can’t talk about. I’ve said too much.

As you know, we met during the filming of Anna Karenina when I was visiting Kiz and Az but what I didn’t mention is that we bonded over our close relationship with the Collinses. You see, my dear(ly departed) friend Jacks’ big sister Joan is her godmother and when you’ve got the Collinses as mutual friends, you’re destined for a beautiful relationship.

I made quick work of convincing her she could do better than bit roles in Kizza star vehicles, watched her bounce from Paper Towns to Pan and into the acting A-list with Suicide Squad. To say I am filled with pride is an understatement.

After catching up on each others’ lives since we last hung – I can’t confirm whether she and Paris Jackson are dating … but I also can’t not confirm they’re dating – and reminiscing about the good old days, I delighted her by whipping out a majestic and decadent Vodcara Delevingatoni.

 

 

Does anyone need something this rich, carby and heavy after the insanity that is Easter eating? No. But does anyone actually need anything? Yeah, confusing, inception … I’m on a high from this Carbone copycat of perfection and I can’t think.

Don’t judge me, don’t look at me … just enjoy!

 

 

Vodcara Delevingatoni
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
3 onions, sliced
100ml water
150g butter
2 tbsp kosher salt, plus extra
1.6kg canned crushed tomatoes
¼ cup raw caster sugar
¼ cup olive oil
2 cups thickened cream
3 tbsp chilli paste
¼ cup vodka
500g rigatoni

Method
Combine the onion and water with 100g butter and a pinch of salt in a large skillet over low heat and cook for half an hour or so, or until softened but not coloured.

Combine the two tablespoons of salt, crushed tomatoes, raw caster sugar and olive oil in a saucepan and simmer for ten minutes, or until combined and slightly thickened.

Cook the rigatoni as per packet instructions.

Combine the tomato and onion mixture in a large saucepan with the cream, chilli, vodka and remaining butter, and cook, stirring until the sauce comes together and is cooked through.

Drain the pasta, add to sauce and stir to combine, adjusting seasonings as required.

Devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.