Danni Floatwrights

Drink, Snack, Survivor, Survivor: Guatemala, Sweets

After a blissful week in Byron with Nico and a cruel irony of Liberty-Belle being felled during Pride Week on ANTM, I needed someone far less X-rated and scandalous respectively, to help me celebrate ticking over to sub-two-weeks-left-until-Ghost-Island. And boy was Queen Danni Boatwright the right woman for the job.

As a fellow notable sportscaster and journalist, I knew Danni before her time dominating the irritatingly forgotten season of Guatemala.

While I concur, it did have some wholly unlikable contestants and saw the universally beloved Stephame LaGrossa go from hero to villain (was it solely ignored so she could compete as a hero?), its camps were located in freaking temples and had some amazing contestants worthy of a return. Danni, being one of them.

Rant over.

Kind of … Amy for second chances, damn it.

Despite being on the wrong side of the numbers post-merge, her friendly nature, competitive drive and ability to spot her Hogebooms from her Hawkins, allowed her to seize control of the endgame and murder the most beloved contestant thus far in the final tribal. And it was glorious.

After – spoiler alert – almost returning for Game Changers, Dan has a renewed love for the game and like Tom looks forward to camp-curse LaGrossa making an appearance on Ghost Island, to ruin challenges like the medallion of power … or the everyone gets a prize contestants of San Juan del Sur.

We spent our time gossiping, laughing and plotting all the themes better than the arbitrary ones rolled out in recent years. It was thirsty work, and thankfully I kept the Danni Floatwrights flowing for the duration.

 

 

Does a Root Beer Float call for a recipe, I hear you ask? Screw you … they’re delicious and I make up the rules on this ‘ere website, Manchego Lentox be damned.

Plus … it means it is super easy to follow along at home, meaning you too can feel like part of the A-list.

You’re welcome slash enjoy!

 

 

Danni Floatwrights
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
1-2 scoops vanilla ice cream
375ml can root beer

Method
Scoop ice cream into a highball like you’re Eric Reichenbach.

Slowly pour root beer over said perfectly scooped ice cream

Drank, greedily.

 

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Turkey Tom Westyum

Main, Poultry, Soup, Survivor, Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, Survivor: Palau

So I’m going to start by going a little off topic, which is so on brand for me that I really shouldn’t have had to say anything. Anyway I was already hitting peak excitement for Survivor’s return in less than three weeks, particularly given I got to reconnect with my dear friend Tom Westman today … and then I started listening to Josh Wigler’s First One Out, and now I’m surprised I haven’t had an aneurysm in anticipation.

Anyway … if you love Survivor, listen to it. If not, ignore the above par and continue on.

I’ve known Tom for years, meeting not long after 9-11. I was starting to fetishise all first responders following their bravery during the attacks, and was working my way through the ladder companies to find me a mans. While Tom ultimately wasn’t won over by my charm and sexuality, he did grow to love me and guided me like a big brother.

As is oft the case, he failed at turning me into a decent person but for some reason, never gave up on me. I repaid the favour by getting him cast on Palau … which earned him a mill, so technically I was a good investment. Fun fact: if he had made it farther on Heroes vs. Villains, I would have been his loved one visit.

Like me, he is hella excited for the new season and hopes that the cursed Stephenie LaGrossa doesn’t have to spend the entire time on Ghost Island, and can at least enjoy some tropical delights while sucking the life – literally – out of one of the tribes.

Was it a kind of dark way for our conversation to go? Sure. But when it comes with a side of Turkey Tom Westyum, how can you be mad?

 

 

Spicy, fresh and healthy – for the sole reason that turkey is healthy, duh – this tom yum, is the tom yum to beat all tom yums. Sorry Tom Yum Everett Scott, this is a winner.

Have I mentioned, tom yum? Enjoy!

 

 

Turkey Tom Westyum
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g turkey mince
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 lime, zested and juiced
1 tsp ground ginger
handful of fresh coriander leaves, roughly chopped
vegetable oil
1 bunch of shallots, trimmed and sliced
1 tbsp tom yum paste
1L chicken stock
4 kaffir lime leaves
2 birdseye chillies, halved
1 tsp muscovado sugar
1 tbsp fish sauce
salt and pepper

Method
Combine the turkey mince in a bowl with a clove of garlic, lime zest, ginger and a tablespoon of chopped coriander. Form into balls and place on a lined baking sheet in the fridge to semi-set.

Heat a lug of oil in a large deep frying pan and cook the shallots and remaining garlic for a minute or so. Add the tom yum paste and cook for a further minute. Stir in the stock, lime leaves and chilli and bring to the boil. Reduce heat to low, gently place the balls in and simmer for fifteen minutes.

Stir through the sugar, lime juice, fish sauce, remaining coriander leaves and a good whack of salt and pepper. Serve immediately and devour, piping hot.

 

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Jessicarbonara Johnston Pizza

Main, Pizza, Snack, Survivor, Survivor: Heroes v. Healers v. Hustlers, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, new-Yawa remained undefeated after the swap while at Levu, Joe proved that finding idols truly is a bald man’s game. Things however weren’t so peachey at Soko with Chrissy and Ryan having to decide between keeping JP and Ali, sending the latter out of the game

Back at camp Chrissy was quick to make JP feel comfortable after tribal, and was thrilled to be closer with each of the boys than they are with each other. We checked in with Yawa the next day to learn that Cole was feeling confident that should they merge, they were five strong. That, of course, was quickly disputed by Ben who rightfully was concerned by the closeness of Cole and Jess. Rounding out the catch-ups, Ashley spoke about how broken, starved and divided Levu is. So … final three of Chrissy, Ashley and Ben/Ryan/Cole/Devon, yeah?

Probst quickly arrived for the reward challenge, much to the excitement of the hungry Levu tribe. Though it wasn’t actually a challenge, it’s the merge – what a surprise!? After dropping buffs – sadly, not JP’s trou again – and getting swanky new purple ones, Probsty informed the starved castaways that instead of the merge feast, they’d be going to Queen Sandra’s fave – Outback Steakhouse.

The castaways toasted making the merge – YAS, they’re all dateable – downed steaks, and drank up which brought down Joe’s defenses and allowed Chrissy and Ben to quickly deduce that he has an idol, painting a larger target on his back. Jessica also emerged from her shell, hitting on the waiter’s thunder from downunder.

Back at camp, the new Solewa tribe got to work improving or building – who knows whether it is a new camp – their shelter, while Cole searched for a clue which was hidden in the wad of nails he was using. Bless him. Jessica and Desi got reacquainted, while Ryan and Devon caught up and floated the idea of a hustler-heroes alliance to take out the healers. The boys looped Lauren in on the plan, who wasn’t so keen on the plan giving she is aligned with Mike. She then told Mike and I was reminded of the epic ‘David as an idol’ scene from Millennials vs. Gen X.

Devon took the plan to Ben and Chrissy to get rid of Joe, that latter of whom was thrilled given she found him insufferable at lunch. Ben however was more keen to take out Cole, given he literally eats whatever he wants. Jessica and Lauren pulled Cole aside to warn him about his eating, Ben floated the idea of booting Joe or Cole with Mike, and I am reminded how freaking confusing merge episodes are.

Thankfully, Cole is pretty and Devon’s torso is longer than I am tall.

Pulling me out of the alliance whirlpool, Probst returned for the first immunity challenge where everyone stands on a narrow beam and keeps a ball spinning within a disc. As quickly as it started Ryan dropped out, followed by Mike whilst trying to be cute while taking a step – what did Alyssa Edwards say? Jessica was out after taking her second step forward, followed by Ben, JP, Devon and Lauren as they dropped to the final section. Joe soon dropped out, leaving Desi, Cole, Chrissy and Ashley to fight it out for immunity. Which Desi won, after Cole and Chrissy dropped their balls and Ashley dropped while trying to move her second foot onto the narrowest section of the beam.

Getting straight back into it, Cole pulled Ben aside back at camp to apologise for eating all the food and not thinking about others. Despite accepting his apology, Ben did not in fact accept said apology – preach – though wasn’t sure whether booting him was a good plan, or could blow up in his face.

Feeling unsafe, Cole approached Joe to fill him in on the new Yawa alliance immediately pissing off Joe, who knows Ben will flip at the first opportunity. Cole then joined Mike, Lauren and Desi to talk about getting rid of the heroes biggest threat Chrissy, leaving them to debate whether Ben was with them or about to go against the family. Obviously Lauren then approached Ben to talk about which side they would go with, before the hustlers and heroes – sans JP – got together to pick their target. Given they’re concerned about Joe and Cole having an idol, and the Cole and Jessica alliance, Jessica seemed to be their safest option.

At tribal, Probst quickly brought up the theme and put the target on the plentiful healers. Everyone danced around loyalty and truth, trying to keep their allies calm and not give anything away. Mike then offended Joe, who was talking about being extremely loyal, leading to him pulling out his idol and threatening to use them. Cole was unphased by the display –  given he helped Joe find his first idol – while Ben announced that the battle lines were drawn and they need to vote to see where the chips may fall. Joe played his idol just in case they fell for him, which they did not, instead coming down to Chrissy and Jessica, with the latter booted from the game … as the final pre-jury boot.

Poor, sweet Jessica was feeling quite down when she arrived at loser lodge – particularly after finding out it hadn’t ticked over to Ponderosa as yet – though quickly perked up when she saw me, her dear friend, waiting for her. Like the great, great Cirie Fields, I first met Nurse Practitioner Jessica while in rehab. She was completing a placement at the time and given how kind she was, she took a lost cause like me under her wing and helped me through (one of) my most recent stint(s) in rehab and got me sober. As such, we’ve been friends ever since.

After getting her out of her post-boot funk, we got to work catching up, talking about how dreamy Cole and his nips are … and then dreaming we were eating my Jessicarbonara Johnston Pizza off dem plates.

 

 

If CalebAras and Joan – and Skarsy, obvs – have taught you anything, I love me some carbonara. I mean, warm, salty, creamy goodness going straight down my throat? Sign me up … and now, in PIZZA form.

Enjoy!

 

 

Jessicarbonara Johnston Pizza
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
1 cup parmesan, grated
2 eggs, lightly whisked
salt and pepper
200g pancetta, roughly sliced
4 shallots, thinly sliced
a handful mushrooms, thinly sliced
125g pecorino cheese, grated

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C and prepare bases as per Zsa Zsa’s method – sans tommie paste.

Whisk the parmesan, eggs and a good whack of salt and black pepper until thick and combined.

Spoon the egg mixture onto the rolled out dough and spread across the bases. Sprinkle over the pancetta, shallots and mushrooms, and top with pecorino.

Transfer to the oven and bake for twenty minutes, or until the bases are crispy and the cheese golden. Devour.

 

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Patrick Boltontufo

Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor: Heroes v. Healers v. Hustlers, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, Alan and his crazy eyes were concerned about a potential power couple forming on the heroes tribe while Cole helped Joe find an idol over at the healers, likely spelling trouble for one of them in the future. Which one it is, is anyone’s guess. Meanwhile Simone and Patrick were on the outs at the hustlers, and despite Patrick’s questionable tribal council performance was saved, sending Simone out of the game.

The next day Ryan channelled Australian Survivor’s Luke and gave a fashion parade while wearing the clothes Simone left behind. With Ali and Lauren away from camp, Ryan and Patrick started to talk about who to target with the consensus being that Lauren is next. On the flipside, Lauren and Ali caught up in the ocean while Lauren tried to find a crack in the alliance. Devon then joined them and she turned the conversation to Patrick’s questionable statement at tribal council and floated the idea of getting rid of him. Despite Ali being aligned with Patrick, she was starting to get concerned that his mouth could be detrimental in the future leaving her confused about what to do if they head back to tribal.

Which they totally will, right?

Over at the heroes Ben and Chrissy were looking for options to snatch the majority, by way of deciding on their next potential target. While Alan and JP are totally ripped, they decided that Ashley’s work ethic is too much of an asset, so one of the boys is toast if necessary. We then watched Alan struggle with a coconut for a minute, while Ashley lusted over JP exited the ocean with something on the end of his spear. Which FYI, she described as a good size. For what it’s worth, Ashley is over Alan’s unpredictability and went to Ben to talk about who they should target. While she had valid points, her constantly going into bat for JP made Ben more nervous.

Meanwhile the healers were still loving life since they haven’t lost a challenge. Well, everyone but Joe that is, who was extremely concerned about Cole knowing about his idol. Speaking of Cole, his idol and 29 year old virgin Jessica were fishing and sunning them self while strategising and falling in love. I think, I was distracted by the adorable way Cole sat while giving confessionals and the glorious sight of his nips. I mean, you could eat dinner of dem nips.

He then told her about Joe finding the idol and I’m nervous that I’m about to lose my fantasy tableware. She then kissed him on the cheek and I now hate Jessica.

Back at the hustlers Patrick openly started looking for the idol while everyone sat by the fire, making everyone feel nervous and distrustful. He then filled us in about his moving company, which would explain that booty. Ali gave their alliance one last shot, pulling him aside and telling him to cut the searching and try and form actual bonds with their tribe mates.

There were issues over at the healers where Joe had taken to tossing food away when people didn’t cook it to his liking, rightfully pissing everyone off. As such, Cole and Jessica decided it would be a good idea to flush the idol and Joe, to knock him down a peg … and out of the game. Much to Jessica’s chagrin, he then told Roark – who we’re yet to really meet – and Desi about the idol, and blindsiding Joe if they lose immunity.

Like candyman that was the third mention of immunity so Jiffy Pop appeared for said immunity challenge – and reward for chickens for first, a dozen eggs for second – where the tribes were required to run through an obstacle course before knocking blocks off a ledge and then building said blocks into a tower. The heroes got out to an early lead, while the healers and hustlers were neck and neck. The healers took the lead after the second obstacle, followed closely by the heroes while Patrick refused to let any of the hustlers attempt throwing at the blocks. The healers thought they had the victory, though forgot one of their blocks giving the heroes enough time to snatch immunity and the chickens before Jessica was thrown up again to snag immunity and the eggs, sending the hustlers back to tribal council.

Lauren lay the blame squarely on Patrick’s shoulders – is that a thing, or has Jericho’s win rubbed off on me – and got to work turning anyone and everyone against him. Patrick however, was not concerned, feeling like he was more in with the tribe. Lauren then went for a walk while Ali, Devon and Ryan assured Patrick it was going to be her tonight. Wanting to make her last afternoon comfortable, Patrick then went to Lauren – who can’t stand him – on the beach to talk it out and see if she was ok. She then asked point blank, if he was targeting her tonight which he denied, though wouldn’t offer up a secondary target. Infuriated, Lauren approached Ali and Ryan to continue her campaign against Patrick. While she offended Ryan, he seemed onboard, taking the information back to Devon to try and figure out who they side with and form the majority – Patrick who choked at the last challenge or Lauren who is steady, though a liability.

At tribal Lauren was quick to lay the blame for their loss with Patrick and pointed out that they need to function as a team, then called him son, shut him up and won my heart forever. While Ali wanted to move forward, Lauren went back and threw out that Patrick has spent his first week hunting for an idol further proving he was playing alone. She then mentioned not trusting redheads, upsetting my fetish, though continued to school him and crack sassy jokes, so was able to win me back. Ryan was like a kid watching his parents fight, Devon was hoping the vote would fix their tribal chemistry and Patrick spoke about his ability to win people over, despite not being able to win over Lauren. Which Ali pointed out, putting the final nail in his coffin.

He however welcomed said criticisms and wanted to learn from them, though sadly they weren’t willing to give him that chance as he was sent to my loving, loving arms at loser lodge. I’ve known Pat and his bubble-butt for a couple of years after hiring his moving company to help me relocate my summer house. Given my thirst is real, I sat on the lawn and reenacted Samantha watching her neighbour have sex in the Sex and the City movie while he twerked – in my mind – and somehow, we became the best of friends. Though maybe it had something to do with the way I coated him face in sticky, sweet and salty cream … in the form of my Patrick Boltontufo.

 

 

The kick of coffee, mixed with the delicate choc-chip works perfectly with the salty caramel and earthy nuts to create the ultimate dessert. If only Cole was in loser lodge to use as a plate …

Enjoy!

 

 

Patrick Boltontufo
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
4 cups Cophie Clarke Ice Cream, softened
4 cups chocolate chip ice cream, softened
½ batch JL Salkeld Caramel
⅔ cup roasted hazelnuts, roughly chopped

Method
Line an 8-hole Texan muffin pan with cling wrap – hopefully more neatly than I did – and scoop half a cup of one of the ice creams into the bottom of the pan and place in the freezer to chill for half an hour.

Combine the salted caramel and hazelnuts in a bowl, remove the muffin pan from the freezer and place a dollop of the hazelnut-caramel mixture in the middle. Top with the other flavour of ice cream, cover and return to the freezer for a couple of hours, or until set.

Once set, serve and devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.