Brandy

Jaime Lynormandy Pearuiz Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor 44, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor our icon Carolyn was inspired by the release of the remake of The Little Mermaid, designing impressive statement jewellery using the shells of lobsters and prawns. Actually, maybe it isn’t inspired and more she went on a Mad Max style adventure through the ocean. After Yam Yam took out his first immunity challenge of the season – the iconic Last Gasp – the tribe were split on who was the most threatening. You had Ratus and Sokas looking to put aside their differences to take out Carson while the Tika couldn’t trio couldn’t decide which side was more dangerous, and then of course, who was worse for their game on Soka. With Queen Carolyn ultimately coming out on top and playing an idol to save her baby Carson, completing her revenge arc as Danny made his way to the jury.

Back at camp Heidi was way more chill about being on the outs at tribal council, with everyone more focused on Carolyn’s iconic – though needless – idol play. Despite it not changing the outcome, Carolyn was proud of the fact it kept the Tika trio safe to the top six. She then regaled everyone with her tales of finding the idol and while it was cute, Yam Yam was worried she was showing everyone just how smart she is and as such, feared she is fast becoming the biggest threat. Sensing the idol would be rehidden, Heidi woke up early to go hunting. Though sadly for her, Carson spotted her stirring and as such, he woke everyone up and told them they too should go out and look. While Lauren was more focused on luring Carolyn into climbing trees to collect her coconuts. The Ratus caught up with Carson and Yam Yam back at camp, with Lauren floating the idea of getting rid of Carolyn next, like her coconut collector means nothing to her. While Carson had absolutely no interest in turning on his island mama, he also knew he had to pretend to be keen in order to blindside one of them.

The tribe caught up with Probst by the beach for an epic team reward where two blindfolded members would push another person around, strapped inside a ball before solving a table maze. With the two free people still blindfolded. And given it was for a massive afternoon of food and massages, everyone was fired up. Carolyn and Heidi were pushing Jamie on one team, while Yam Yam and Lauren rolled Carson for the other. And from the jump, the latter trio got out to an epic lead as Carson calmly directed his team mates to the end before solving the maze before the other trio barely made it through the course.

We followed the victors to their reward where Yam Yam was delighted to finally have a reward, smashing food and living his absolute best life. As they sat down to enjoy their massages, the boys continued to paint Carolyn as a massive target to Lauren and while Carson assured us it was just to lull her into a false sense of security, Yam Yam was definitely feeling like it may actually be time to make a move on Carolyn. Speaking of our icon, she, Heidi and Jamie were dejected to be slumming it at camp. But instead of wallowing, they got to work figuring out which of the victors needed to go next, with Jamie pushing for Carson. And while Carolyn knows she can’t beat him, she also felt it wasn’t the right time. As Jamie went idol hunting, Carolyn and Heidi caught up with the duo agreeing they feel like they can’t trust Jamie and Lauren, and as such, know they need to hold firm. For now.

After the groups came back together, Yam Yam burped in Carolyn’s face – as requested – before Carolyn and Carson caught up to fill each other in on the conversations they had missed. Agreeing that either Jamie or Lauren need to go, given Heidi gives them an easier path to the end. Yam Yam meanwhile caught up with Jamie and floated the idea of getting rid of Carolyn at the next vote instead and while Jamie was still more nervous about Carson, she was happy just as long as one of the Tikas went and as such, gladly locked in on the vote. And Yam Yam, please don’t do this to me, ok?

The tribe caught up with Jeffrey once again as he explained that to snatch immunity, they would have to balance a ball on a disc that is held flat by two ropes with the last person standing winning. Jamie was the first to drop, quickly followed by Carolyn and Carson, before Yam Yam just missed out on going to the next stage. Heidi and Jamie moved further away from their discs before resetting and battling it out until Heidi couldn’t hold it any longer, handing Lauren immunity.

Back at camp everyone split up to scramble, with Carolyn and Heidi concerned about the fact nobody was talking to them. As such, they locked in their votes against Jamie. Heidi meanwhile was hopeful that she was being told the truth, but knew that worst case, she has her idol. While Carolyn was looping in the boys, Heidi stumbled upon them, with everyone agreeing to get rid of Jamie. Hopeful that even if she has an idol, she is so confident in the boys voting with her that she doesn’t play it. Yam Yam caught up with Lauren and Jamie to lock in the Carolyn vote and while I think the plan is to only make them think they are working together, he then caught up with Carson and floated that maybe they would turn it into a reality. And ugh, I hate it here. While King Carson calmly tried to steer him back to their original plan, Jamie. As Yam Yam debated the merits of trusting his brain and his heart.

At tribal council Probst was gagged to discover the tribe had brought everything with them, assuming they will be sent to a new beach for the rest of the game. Yam Yam joked about holding on to the rice as an immunity idol, while Carson just felt anxious about being vulnerable. Jamie mentioned that they still have to try and navigate around advantages, which Yam Yam agreed complicated everybody’s decision making. Jamie meanwhile wanted to jazz up her resume – her words – while Yam Yam admitted he is getting more and more confused about who would be best to go to the end, which complicates who he is working with. While Carson just worried about going through a break-up this close to the end. Yam Yam admitted he is getting more and more emotional when it comes to the votes, knowing his head needs to win at this point, which obviously made Carolyn nervous.

Our Queen spoke about the fact she has clearly played an emotional game, but that also doesn’t mean that she can’t be strategic. But yeah, you know she is emotional about the vote. Yam Yam then plainly said that the person leaving tonight is the one that needs to leave for the sake of everyone’s game. And ugh, I want to vom. With that the tribe voted, Heidi played her idol for herself before it thankfully turned out not to be my sweet icon Carolyn going home as the boys stayed loyal, joining Carolyn and Heidi to send Jamie off to the jury.

As she arrived at Ponderosa, I pulled Jamie in for a massive hug and just embraced her kind, loving, exuberant spirit. And then realised the producers have really been trolling her for the entire season through no fault of her own, so stealthily covered her ears and told her fellow jurors to break the fake idol information to her gently. Sadly I forgot as soon as I uncovered her ears, carelessly lol-ing about her closest ally making her the producers’ target of the season. Thankfully, though, she is a delight, so took it in stride and calmly sat down to smash a fresh Jaime Lynormandy Pearuiz Cake.

Rich and sweet pears and the dense crumb of the cake pair perfectly for either an afternoon treat or a decadent dessert. Better still, this cake is super easy to make but will always have you looking like a pro in the kitchen.

Enjoy!

Jaime Lynormandy Pearuiz Cake
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
150g butter, at room temperature, plus extra for greasing
¾ cup raw caster sugar
2 eggs
1 ½ cups flour
1 tbsp baking powder
½ cup sour cream
500g pears, peeled, cored, roughly diced
½ cup walnuts, roughly chopped
⅓ cup sultanas
1 tsp mixed spice
½ tsp cinnamon
⅓ cup brandy
2 tbsp maple syrup
icing sugar and/or double cream, for sprinkling or dolloping respectively

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C and rub some butter around the edge of a 23cm springform pan and place a disc of baking paper on the base.

Cream the butter and caster sugar in a stand mixer on medium until pale and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, allowing the mixture to come back together in between. Fold through the flour and baking powder, and once together, fold through the sour cream. Return to the mixer on low and beat for a further minute. Remove from the mixer and fold through the pear, walnuts, sultanas, mixed spice and cinnamon. Transfer the batter to the prepared tin and pop it in the oven to bake for 45 minutes, or until an insert skewer comes out clean.

While the cake cooks, combine the brandy and maple syrup in a small saucepan over low heat and cook, stirring, for a couple of minutes, or until combined.

Once the cake is done, use the skewer to pierce holes over the surface before pouring over the syrup. Leave to rest for about 15 minutes before transferring to a wire rack and removing the sides of the tin. Serve barely warm with a dusting of sugar or dollop of cream, and devour joyously.


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Brandoned Buttom

Condiment, Survivor, Survivor 44, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor despite the ‘Earn the Merge’ portion of the game being behind us, the tribe arrived at the latest immunity challenge where Jeffrey gagged everyone with the information that once again half of them would be immune. The tribe were split down the middle with a person winning immunity from each team, and the person that lasted the longest from both earning immunity for their entire group. The catch being, they wouldn’t have a vote at tribal council either. After Frannie won one of the immunities, she held on against Brandon to make her entire group immune, leaving her boo Matt in jeopardy. Knowing he and Yam Yam were both in danger, they tried to get in with the Ratu majority in their collective. Sadly though it was all for nothing, even with Heidi snatching an advantage that could have saved them both, instead using it to doom Matt to the jury.

As the sweetest King of the Jury to ever exist.

Back at camp Yam Yam once again thanks the tribe for saving him, while hugging the winners and saying how much he missed them and how sad he was to lose Matt. He meanwhile was quite shocked by Heidi choosing to play her advantage to get rid of him, and while he was grateful to have survived, he questioned why she didn’t use it to make a bigger move against the Ratus. Frannie meanwhile was heartbroken to have not only lost her love, but to have watched him be so scared about the vote ahead, knowing it is now how she feels. While the OG Ratu felt to like they were now in control, given they managed to weaken not only OG Soka, but a powerful, sweet, loving duo that we all ship.

Heidi tried to do some damage control with Yam Yam, assuring him that she played her advantage the way she did because it was bleedingly obvious that Matt was going home anyway, so by doing what she did, she ruffled – or rustled, maybe – the least amount of feathers. Before floating that Tika and Soka come together – well, her and Tika at the least – to take control of the game. Which Yam Yam immediately took back to Carson, suggesting that better than locking in with one of the other tribes, they simply ride the middle and flip back and forth until they make it to the end. As Carolyn expertly hung with Ratu to keep them happy, with Kane confident in Ratu’s chances admitting if one of them doesn’t win, they really fucked it up.

The next day Carolyn continued to delight the tribe, whipping them up a nutritious breakfast as poor Carson crawled around in the background vomiting. Which is not related, given it is the PB&Js that caused his gastrointestinal distress, not our queen. As he loitered on the edge worrying about avoiding everyone, Carolyn assured him that everyone loves him and knows he is sick, so to just relax and heal. Ugh, she is the best. Proven even further when Jamie returned with treemail telling everyone to pair up for the upcoming challenge, with her offering to go with Carson so she could carry him on her back. As everyone else split up, Lauren worried about herself being a weak link that nobody wanted given she is so fatigued with Danny offering to go with her, despite gunning for her the day before.

But trust and believe, this doesn’t mean he won’t still target her next.

The tribe joined up with Probst in the jungle where they learnt the pairs would race in three stages, the first being to crawl through a twisted net and dig up planks with the first four pairs moving on. Stage two would see them race up a cargo net and use the planks to cross a bridge and slide down to a mat with the first two pairs going to the end. Where they would have to balance on small footholds between two walls with the last person standing taking immunity. Frannie and Yam Yam got out to an early lead with Kane and Brandon nipping at their heels. Danny and Lauren tried to close the gap, while Heidi and Jamie were closing out the group as Carolyn got stuck, while Carson quietly tried to will her on, though no doubt was grateful to not have to participate. With the other pairs thankfully making it through before he really had to try.

In round two, Kane and Brandon got out to an early lead with Yam Yam and Frannie and Danny and Lauren close behind. With the latter duo booking their place in the final round with the boys. As the four lined up in the structure they navigated through the first and second footholds with ease before the transition to the third foothold cost Kane his shot at immunity. He was almost instantly followed by Brandon before Danny won the season with a fart. Sadly though, it wasn’t enough to win him the challenge as he dropped more than his guts after transitioning to the final foothold, handing Lauren immunity. Like. A. Boss.

Back at camp everyone rinsed off the mud as Yam Yam worried about being targeted yet again, as is tradition. The OG Ratu crew quickly locked in their votes on Frannie, roping in Carson to make sure they were still together. They then wooed Carolyn and Yam Yam to vote with them, as Brandon hoped for some reciprocation from the latter for saving him. Brandon then approached Heidi and Danny and while they both said they were keen, when alone with Danny, Heidi told him that now is the time to make a move on Ratu alongside the Tika crew. Danny assured Heidi he would gladly play his idol for Frannie, while Heidi approached Yam Yam, Carolyn and Frannie to align against Ratu and take out a massive threat in the form of Brandon. 

Yam Yam then approached Carson by the well to see what he was thinking, as Heidi approached them to check in. Carson assured her that while he was very keen on her power move, he was also a little bit concerned about how they could do it without making any enemies. Heidi then told them that Danny also has the hidden immunity idol and is playing it for Frannie, hoping the information solidifies their alliance, while also helping them through the vote. Sadly for her, Yam Yam wasn’t sure whether it was best to work with Heidi, or rat her out to Ratu and take control with them. Danny meanwhile let Frannie know that he was planning to blindside Brandon and play the idol for her. He then caught up with Carson, who told him that Yam Yam knows about the idol and while Danny was stressed, Carson assured him that he will monitor Yam Yam and make sure he sticks with them.

Despite Danny spiralling in fear.

At tribal council Matt and Frannie adorably looked at each other with love in their eyes, as Kane spoke about having a jury making everyone feel like they need to play a more bold, visible game. Heidi read the previous twists, pointing out that only Lauren is safe now and as such, she’d just love people to not vote for her. Carolyn spoke about how everything can change on a dime, with Yam Yam agreeing that the key in the game is to know what is going on at all times. Heidi and Jamie spoke about being terrified every time they set foot in tribal council, while Brandon spoke about how even if you have had conversations with people, you can never trust you’ve been given the legitimate one. Lauren on the other hand spoke about it potentially being a majority vote tonight, while Danny alluded to the fact that even if you’re down and out, a comeback story is always a winner with the jury. Kane spoke about how he focuses on moving with intention, with Frannie agreeing Survivor is about finding the most number of people with shared intentions to make it through to the next round. And then lather, rinsing and repeating.

With that the tribe voted, Danny stuck firm with the plan to play his idol for Frannie and promptly negated 6 votes for her as Brandon – rather poetically, I must say – was idolled out of the game with the rest. As he arrived into the jury, I pulled Brandon in for a massive hug thanking him for bookending his game with idol plays in such an iconic way. While he pointed out the latter wasn’t really up to him, he was grateful for the praise all the same. Despite being someone that could have fallen into focusing just on brawn, after saving himself with a trick he hustled his way into power. Which had worked well until the other tribes rallied against them. Which is a sad truth which can only be worked through with a glorious batch of Brandoned Buttom.

While this is something that is generally saved for the festive period, I would argue we need to normalise this as a year-round thing! Sweet, punchy and smooth, it is the perfect addition to your festive baking or melted on a fresh batch of pancakes.

Enjoy!

Brandoned Buttom
Serves: 12.

Ingredients
175g icing sugar
175g unsalted butter, softened
½ cup brandy
½ tsp kosher salt

Method
Cream the butter and icing sugar in a stand mixer on medium for about five minutes, or until white, thick and fluffy. Slowly add in the brandy a tablespoon at a time, allow it to come back together before adding more, followed by the salt.

Transfer the butter to a sheet of baking paper and wrap into a cylinder, holding firm with some tape or cling film. Pop the log in the fridge to chill for an hour or so before devouring. Festively, year round.


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Jordie Hansenhos de Abobora

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Heroes V Villains, Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor the tribes were delighted to get a reprieve from challenges with the arrival of the auction, only to be gagged by a tribe swap. Venturing to the Heroes tribe, Shonee was heartbroken to be split up from Liz, though grateful that she at least still had George. After jagging an epic reward at the auction, George took the girls for a little party where Shonee found a second idol, though assured them she would be ready to hand it off to Liz if and when needed. Simon was nervous about being on the bottom of the new Villains, though sucked up to the alphas to win them over. Plus, he was in possession of what he thought was an idol. After the Heroes lost immunity the OGs planned to blindside George, only for George and Shonee to school them, wooing Gerry to their side and idoling out Paige. As God wanted.

The next day Shonee was blissfully napping away the morning, thrilled to be on top with George and close friends like Stevie and Gerry. And now that Paige is gone, she can eat all the crispy rice she wants and ugh, it is what our Queen deserves. Long may she reign.

We checked in with the Villains, where Simon was talking about how normal it feels to be moist. Which doesn’t add anything, but I love it because it sounds so suss. Liz meanwhile was heartbroken to be away from Shonee, breaking down in tears to us as she spoke about how lonely she feels. Particularly since the Heroes are clearly dominating the new tribe and she, Jordie and Simon are left out. The trio caught up with Simon checking if they had had any luck making friends before he suggested he will play the idol for one of them, should it be needed. Which Liz knows is a lie, given he is clearly too selfish and he refused to play one for Stevie just last week.

Back at the Heroes tribe George was just as radiant as Shonee, thrilled to have taken control and ready to eliminate the original Heroes one by one (by one). He caught up with Stevie to talk through the plan before Benjamin interrupted to see if he could join the chat. Ben admitted that the only reason George copped votes the night before is because they are intimidated by him but that now he would truly like to work with him. George then caught up with Shonee as Flick took her turn to pledge her undying loyalty, one upping Ben by suggesting she could even be a double agent to sweeten the deal. Oh and then closing out the pitches, Matt pulled George aside one on one, offering up all the information about his allies and how he could be of value to help the Villains take control come the merge.

And oh god, if Matt is telling the truth, go with him as I want to see how the Meat Tray takes the betrayal. Particularly Sam, as he will be salty.

The tribes came together with Jonathan for the reward challenge with Liz delighted to see Paige booted, while the OG Heroes were gutted. But more importantly, the challenge where in groups of four each tribe would race around a course in the shallows, carrying bags and chasing each other with the first tribe to catch the other scoring a point. And the first tribe to three getting a big Aussie breakfast. First up were Matt, Shonee, Ben and Flick versus Shaun, Hayley, Liz and Simon with Ben the first to drop out of the challenge, followed by Shonee, Hayley and Liz, with Shaun and Simon pissbolting to hunt Flick and Matt down, scoring the first point for Villains. Sam, Shaun, Jordie and David made quick work of Stevie, Gerry, Ben and George, but damn were they adorable. As were the original Heroes talking through the status quo on each tribe, while Liz and Shonee bitched about hating everyone before Shonee promised to hand her an idol should she need it. Oh and then the Villains won the third round with Simon and Sam quickly catching the Heroes.

Back at camp the Villains were thrilled to find a table laden with fruit, bread, eggs, bacon, hash browns, cheese and most importantly, coffee. And ugh, I am hungry just looking at it. Simon toasted them for being so strong before they downed the coffee and went absolutely wild. Well, except for Liz who quietly watched on thinking about how bland and annoying all the men are. Which was beautifully juxtaposed with Simon screaming and celebrating as he desperately tried to win friends. Given she is invisible on the tribe, she knew she could excuse herself without anyone noticing and got to work foraging through the jungle to find an idol. And hot damn, our girl did it. And as expected, not a soul noticed. And if they did, she could just say the coffee and eggs went right through her, no?

Upon returning to camp, Liz invited Jordie for a trip to hunt for wood where she quickly filled her only ally in on her hidden immunity idol with the duo thrilled to have hope amongst the chaos. Assuming they play the situation smartly, that is. They returned to camp with Liz filling him in on Shonee’s idol and that she is willing to hand it to them at a challenge should they need it. And well, Liz is ready to call in that favour and blindside one of the Heroes. Yes, come through Spice Girls!

Shaun meanwhile was heartbroken about Paige getting voted out, taking Sam for a walk to talk through how they make the most of their numbers advantage. Sam suggested they tell Simon they will take him to the merge if he hands off his idol and while Natalie Bolton and Cirie Fields can pull it off, Sam definitely can not, given he is not it. Plus, it isn’t an idol. Sam pulled Simon aside to tell him that he spoke to the guys and while they are friends, there is a caviar – his words – in that they need Simon to give him his idol before they agree to take him to merge. Simon wisely pledged his undying loyalty and assured him that he wants to go to the very end with them, not just merge. Oh but he would only be willing to hand the idol over to Shaun. As such, Simon and Shaun caught up by the well with Shaun doing a far better job sharing the plan, telling Simon he knows it is risky but he also knows that out of the three Villains, he is the one they want to protect.

Simon then pulled Shaun and Hayley aside, doubling down on the plan and suggesting they hand the idol across to Flick on the Heroes tribe so that she can play it to blindside George. And that he wants to get a message to Stevie so that he can help them move forward. Upon showing them his idol however, Hayley questioned if there was any paperwork and when he said it came with nothing, she wisely asked how he was sure it was an idol when it could be something else, like a nullifier. But sadly – or well, not – that was where the logic ended, as they laughed about how poetic it would be for Simon to send his idol to the other side to blindside his nemesis George, which will be a huge move. And again, lol.

Almost as lol as Simon botching his quote about living long enough to become a Hero and the producers trolling him by keeping it in.

The tribes came back together for the immunity challenge where they would race through a series of obstacles before chopping wood to release coconuts and then shooting coconuts at six targets, with the first tribe to finish jagging immunity. The Villains got out to an early lead, quickly releasing their sack of nuts – this time JLP’s words – while the Heroes desperately tried to close the gap. Nina hit the first target for the Villains before Matt finally started shooting for the Heroes. More importantly, Shonee and Liz just casually walked over to each other and started discussing how to hand off the idol. Nina knocked her second target as Matt took out the lead for Heroes as he smashed three, then four and five before ultimately jagging immunity for the tribe. 

After the challenge David and Flick hugged, talking through the non-idol hand off while Simon tried to talk to Stevie about trusting in Flick and to vote with her at their next tribal council. While Shonee calmly handed the idol to Jordie unnoticed before Shaun awkwardly passed the disc off to Flick. And oh god, I need the non-idol to blow up in someone’s face so badly. And now I’m not even sure who I want to be the victim.

Back at camp the tribe rallied around to process their loss, while Liz and Jordie couldn’t wipe the grins off their faces. Hayley meanwhile was confident about tribal given they have the numbers, pointing out to Simon and Shaun they should split the vote on Jordie and Liz and ultimately get rid of Jordie should no idols get played. The Heroes quickly locked in their plan, while Jordie and Liz laughed it up at the well, given they can derail whatever it is they are planning. Wanting to have more impact than a single moment, Jordie suggested they pull Hayley and Nina aside and show them the idols before making them pick which of the boys they want to send home. And then promptly not play the idols at all. Which obviously made Liz nervous, given she wasn’t sure they should trust them and instead just go the safe route of playing their idols.

They pulled Nina and Hayley aside with both of the girls shitting their pants, unable to name who they want to go before Liz narrowed it down to either Sam and Shaun. With Hayley first to lock in Sam, given he is so loyal it is hard to work with him, given if you upset him, he is done with you. Liz suggested this is the night to prove loyalty, before Jordie pointed out it isn’t a threat but if there is whispering at tribal council, he will gladly change the vote.

Backed into a corner, Hayley approached Shaun to ensure that should she and Nina have to work with the Villains, she hasn’t burnt everyone. The plan to take out Sam spread like wildfire, with everyone kind of accepting the fact Sam is screwed. David suggested they instead just vote out Simon, while Shaun reminded him he swore on his children’s life and as such, can not do that to Simon. And to be fair, Simon and Sam will both fill the same role in their alliance. Right on cue, Sam approached the group and both awkwardly and aggressively asked if something was wrong with David, Nina and Shaun just dancing around things as Mateship looked enraged.

Hayley meanwhile caught up with Simon to fill him in on the situation until she exited because he looked too shocked and to calm down. Jordie approached him and asked why he looked so rattled – lol – with Simon pretending to still be OG Villains strong and as such, all in on voting out Sam. Shaun, Nina and Hayley then caught up, with Nina cautioning that she truly believes they will play the idols and as such, if the Heroes just lock in the vote on Sam, there will be no surprises and they can make a move next time.

At tribal council Shaun spoke about how grateful he is that their new tribe is stacked, while Jordie turned the attention to the fact the OG Villains are well and truly outnumbered which Simon agreed made him nervous. Shaun wisely suggested that everyone really should be worried. Jordie spoke about how tight the Heroes tribe are known to be with Sam talking about how loyal the Heroes are, while they all looked ready to vom from the guilt. Jordie spoke about how today was an epic scramble as Nina motioned to Sam that Jordie and Liz both have idols. While Liz watched on as all the Heroes grew more and more paranoid. As Simon spoke about how nervous he now is, Liz filled Jordie in on the whispers happening while Hayley reiterated the Heroes needed to stay strong, before Sam suggested that if the Villains have an idol, they should be nervous.

As Simon spoke about being rattled, Shaun told Nina that she and Hayley should still vote Sam while he, Simon and David switch back to voting for Jordie so that should the idol be played, Sam goes home, otherwise they can get rid of Jordie on the revote. Jordie admitted it feels like it could be his last tribal council tonight, with everyone agreeing they feel just as nervous. Liz admitted she is stressed, but that you need to risk it for the biscuit while Hayley wanted people to walk away from tribal council with some clarity about who they want to work with, while Jordie wanted everyone to leave knowing this is how you play the game.

With that the tribe voted and tragically neither Jordie or Liz played their idols, resulting in a tie between Jordie and Sam. Which on the revote, led to the Heroes eliminating Jordie, leaving Liz all alone. As is often the case, Jordie found his way to Loser Lodge by following the wailing sounds of my screams when I found out he came so close to not just breaking up the Heroes but also sending Sam, the worst person to ever play Survivor in the global franchise, home. Sadly though, he took the gamble of holding onto his idol to navigate through to the merge and while it cost him his game, I am impressed with the logic behind it, given he knew he was screwed if he couldn’t leverage an alliance.

I pulled him in for a massive hug, congratulating him and Sam on their pregnancy and thanking him for being such a damn delight this season. I mean, while Jordie was balls deep in an all male alliance last year, this year he channelled Erika Jayne, ready to give the gays (and girls) what they want, working with Shiz and George while gloriously mocking the Meat Tray. I told him I was proud of how grounded and fun his energy was and assured him that when it comes to his third time, he is poised for another deep run. And until then, he always has Jordie Hansenhos de Abobora.

These Portuguese pumpkin donuts – aka Sonhos de abobora – are positively delightful. Earthy, spiced and oh so sweet, the crisp shell gives way to a pillowy little cake that will have you coming back for more and more.

Enjoy!

Jordie Hansenhos de Abobora
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
250g butternut pumpkin, peeled and diced
1 ½ cups raw caster sugar
80g butter, melted and cooled
¼ cup brandy
2 tbsp dried yeast
2 tsp vanilla extract
4 eggs, lightly whisked
2 ⅓ cups flour, sieved
½ tsp kosher salt
2 tbsp warm water
vegetable oil, for fryin’
2 tbsp ground cinnamon

Method
Steam the pumpkin for 10 minutes or until nice and soft. Remove from the heat to cool and then blitz in a food processor until nice and smooth. Transfer to a bowl.

Whisk half a cup of sugar, the butter, brandy, yeast and vanilla into the pumpkin until well combined. Set aside for 5 minutes and leave to prove. Whisk in the egg before folding through the flour and water to form a thick dough. Cover, set aside and leave to prove for another half an hour, or until doubled in size.

Heat about 15cm of oil in a large saucepan until it hits 160C and mix the remaining sugar with the cinnamon. Cook spoonfuls of dough a few at a time for about 3 minutes, or until golden and cooked through. Transfer to a paper towel to drain for a minute before tossing through the cinnamon sugar. Repeat the process until all cooked, then devour with glee. Ideally with some Dulce de Nick Lachey.


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Steak Diana Piessana

Main, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold XCII: Gold Basketball, Pie

In the melancholy of honouring such a dear, recently departed friend, I didn’t even notice that we’re now past the halfway point of this year’s Oscar Gold celebration, Gold Basketball. While Quentin and Nat were more joyous occasions, seeing Kobe yesterday was so bittersweet, that I needed to see my lovely writing pal, Diana Ossana.

While I didn’t meet Di until filming of Brokeback Mountain – when I was a part of Michelle’s entourage – we became truly close, as she valued my experiences as a gay farmer to shape production.

Thankfully she never found out about the fact I lied about being a gay farmer and we’ve been the best of friends ever since.

Di has been busy writing her latest movie with Larry, so we haven’t been able to catch-up as much as we would like. It was such a joy to finally see her in the flesh again, share a hug and run the screenwriting odds for this year’s Oscars.

Like me, Di doesn’t believe anything will beat Parasite for Best Original Screenplay. Well, unless he wins Best Director, in which case I think Quen will get it for Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. As far as Adapted Screenplay goes, my heart desperately wants to call it for Greta Gerwig for the best adaptation of Little Women of all time (at the risk of sounding like Kanye). However Di’s logic for backing Taika Waititi is solid, given Jojo Rabbit is coming off a killer run in the key precursors.

With that settled, we took a seat together, toasted our ongoing successes and put all our good energy into a Greta win – despite how much I love Taika too – and demolished a big serve of Steak Diana Piessana.

 

 

Like the great Oscar winning meal of Steak Diane Keaton, this baby is so damn comforting. Hearty chunks of beef, the sweet mix of shallots and brandy and a kick of parsley freshness work together to make a beautiful gravy. That is only improved by the inclusion of mash and pastry.

Enjoy!

 

 

Steak Diana Piessana
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp butter
1 tbsp olive oil
500g beef, diced
3 shallots, sliced
3 garlic cloves, minced
¼ cup flour
salt and pepper, to taste
¼ cup brandy
1 cup beef stock
1 tbsp dijon mustard
2 tsp worcestershire sauce
¼ cup cream
¼ cup parsley, roughly chopped
500g potatoes, diced
500g pumpkin, diced
1 sheet puff pastry
1 egg, whisked

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Place a large pot of salted water with potatoes and pumpkin over high heat and bring to the boil, once rolicking, reduce to a low and leave to simmer for 5-10 minutes, or until tender. Mash as you normally would and leave covered while you cook the rest.

Combine the butter and olive oil in a dutch oven and place over medium heat. Add the beef, shallots and garlic, and cook, stirring, for a couple of minutes. Add the flour and a good whack of salt and pepper, and cook for a further couple of minutes.

Reduce heat to low and add the brandy, stirring as you go to avoid large lumps forming. Follow that with the stock, dijon and Worcestershire, and cook, stirring, for a further half an hour, or until the sauce has thickened.

Remove from the heat and stir through the cream and parsley.

Transfer the meat and gravy to a pie dish, top with the mash and top with the pastry. Brush with the whisked egg, cut a slit into the top and transfer to the oven to bake for half an hour, or until golden and crisp.

Leave to rest for five minutes, before devouring. Greedily.

 

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Natalie Portman Flip

Drink, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold XCII: Gold Basketball

I’d recovered from the emotions that seeing Quentin brought up about my beloved Luke’s passing, and then Lydia – who I’m trying super hard not to call Lydiot – had to get her petty revenge on Shane and make her the first boot.

So thankfully I had already locked in a date with my dear friend Natalie Portman for the second, grand day of this year’s Oscar Gold celebration, Gold Basketball.

I arrived on her doorstep with red, puffy eyes and tried to put on a happy face, like a less murdery version of Joaquin Phoenix in Joker.

Nat being Nat saw right through my valiant efforts to get my emotions together, pulled me in for a hug and reminded me that whatever was bothering me, it would all be ok.

She then followed it by putting on her Jackie O voice and told me there would never be another Camelot. Another Camelot. And all was right in my world.

I haven’t seen Nat since we filmed cameos in Avengers: Endgame, so it was to catch-up away from the warm, embracing pecs of Chris Hemsworth, who I really must catch soon. While she couldn’t confirm that Taika was willing to cast me – “you should talk to him, he loves you” – she was thrilled to run the Best Actor and Actress odds with me.

While Joaquin is the obvious frontrunner, Nat was hoping for an Adam Driver surprise for Marriage Story and I, passionately and vehemently will argue that Antonio Banderas’ stunning, reserved turn in Pain and Glory is what should take the gold. For Best Actress we had no such hopes for a surprise, fully aware that Renée Zellweger should and will win for her sublime turn in Judy. Getting justice for my dearest Judy Garland’s status as a non-winner.

With that out of the way, she gave me another big hug, bid me adieu and toasted our friendship with a round of Natalie Portman Flip.

 

 

I know I have probs complained about eggs in cocktails, but Nat loves them and I love her, so I suffer this baby down and focus on the fact it is safer to drink this than the alcohol out of my deodorant. I mean, brandy is nice. How is that for selling it?

Enjoy!

 

 

Natalie Portman Flip
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
30ml brandy
60ml ruby port
½ tsp simple syrup
1 egg
nutmeg, zested, to taste

Method
Place everything but the nutmeg in a cocktail shaker and shake with all the rage pent up from dealing with the Susans in your office for a minute or so.

Strain into an old fashioned glass. Grate over nutmeg. And down, immediately.

 

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Sidecarol Kane

Drink, Hashbrown: The End

It is truly hard to pick a favourite character on Kimmy Schmidt. I mean, Titus is iconic, Jacqueline is Jacqueline, Kimmy is adorable and sweet but I will always have a special place in my heart from Lillian. Maybe because we both rent out apartments without floors or more likely because Carol Kane is an absolute damn delight!

Though to be completely honest, I do not and will not ever choose a favourite so DON’T bring it up again.

I first met Carol on the set of Annie Hall when I was part of Diane’s entourage and we bonded over the pain of trying to manage our naturally curly manes. I mean, everyone loves the concept of curly hair but it can be a total pain – particularly in heat or humidity – and that is something that only a curly can understand.

Somehow we’ve both managed to achieve great success despite the stress of our luscious, time consuming manes, so we don’t get to see as much of each other as we would like. No joke, we haven’t seen each other since 2006 and TBH it is probably the thing that keeps me up at night.

As a dear friend to both, I was on hand for the Madame Morrible changeover between Rue and her in Wicked, and we’ve been too busy to catch-up. Thankfully the end of Kimmy does offer us one positive, in that she had enough free time to jet down, reconnect, vow not to go so long between drinks and toast her success with a Sidecarol Kane. At it was amazing.

 

 

It should be extremely obvious by now that I will – and have – suck the alcohol out of deodorant if required, so it goes without saying that I find this delicious. But you will too – a little bit of tang and a whole lot of punch, it is the perfect way to honour a delightful show. And an even more delightful icon.

Enjoy!

 

 

Sidecarol Kane
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
2 shots brandy
1 shot orange liqueur
1 tbsp lemon juice
ice

Method
Pour the brandy, liqueur and lemon juice in a cocktail shaker and give a good ol’ shake.

Pour into an old fashioned glass filled with ice.

Down.

 

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Natalie White Sangria

Drink, Survivor, Survivor: Samoa

For some reason we are still without an official cast list, but onwards and upwards have long been my mottos – which sound hella suss when you say it like that, no? – so we will keep on trucking with our countdown to Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders with an aggressively religious name.

Given the theme is pretty much the same as Australian Survivor, I decided to continue to rub salt in the wounds of my nemesis Russell Hantz and catch-up with the first person that played him like a fiddle and laughed her way to the bank, Natalie White.

My girl Nat gets a lot of shit – mainly because of Russell’s delusion that he should have won Samoa (AmerICa ShoUlD gEt A PeRCentAgE oF ThE VotE!?) – but let’s be honest, without her he is just another flameout that can find idols.

What he, Rob and Tony have taught us, aggressive players need someone that can win people over and smooth over any issues that they may cause. While they may have dominated their losing seasons – well winning for Tony, but Trish wasn’t there – they never would have made it to the end without the calm, social nature of their eventual victors.

Oh and let’s not forget that it was Natalie who worked the Galu tribe members and got them to spill information and convinced them to blindside Erik. You can get distracted by Russell’s ego however I know that Natalie well and truly deserved her win.

Given the drama surrounding her win, Nat dropped off the radar in Survivor circles so it was such a treat to reconnect and see where her life is now … over a long tall glass of Natalie White Sangria.

 

 

Sweet, fruity and packing a boozy bunch, this is the perfect drink to share with your bestie as your wait for the latest cast release. Or to celebrate your well deserved win over Russell. Whichever you prefer.

Enjoy!

 

 

Natalie White Sangria
Serves: 4-8.

Ingredients
700ml white wine
½ cup brandy
½ cup blueberries
1 apple, cored and sliced
1 orange, sliced
1 tbsp raw caster sugar
soda water and ice, to serve

Method
Combine the booze, fruit and sugar in a large jug and stir until the sugar is dissolved.

Top up with soda water and ice.

Down immediately.

 

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Brandi K Seinaps

America's Next Top Model, America's Next Top Model 24, Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the girls were tasked with becoming social media celebrities – I assume inspired by me, FYI – which Kyla struggled with, earning the wrath of Rio who thinks she is stupid. And isn’t afraid to show it, whether it makes her look like a dick or not. Thankfully Kyla had the last laugh, slaying the photoshoot with poor social media star Sandra sent home instead.

The models returned home from panel to celebrate Kyla’s best photo, except for Rio who was just thankful she finally managed a tolerable photo. Rio’s rant was cut short by the arrival of Tyra mail telling the girls to work on their moves. Shanice was hopeful it was a dance challenge, Brendi was terrified and Jeana and Rio hung in the wardrobe doing high kicks oblivious to the fact that they’ve got from being likeable to the absolute fucking worst. And praise Shanice, she is ready to bring them down.

The next day the girls met with Ashley Graham and Jermaine Brown to learn how to move. Not that Jeana needed it since she grew up on dance teams. While she did well, her arrogance got in the way of listening to any criticism from Jermaine. Brendi K went for head to mouth movement – earning a diss from Jeana – Erin and Khrystyana appeared to do well, before Shanice went full damn broadway like Alexis Michelle was producing the episode.

Ashley interrupted the rehearsal to announce that the girls will be thrust into a challenge, modelling Philip Klein while doing the routine they just learnt … before being lifted by Jermaine. Shanice had the firm to take out the win, Jeana assumed she won before she even finished, Brendi K floundered, Khrystyana was adorable, Rio was insufferable, Erin was fierce and Kyla, well, bombed.

Brendi K was upset by her performance and started to withdraw from the other girls, despite the fact she clearly did better than sweet Kyla. Sadly Jeana’s arrogance was correctly placed, taking out the victory and selecting Rio to go with her on her spa reward. Which we tragically had to see. Though the fact that neither knew what cryotherapy was would make a great case for them, and not Kyla, being the fucking morons. Punctuated by their ‘sexy’ dancing in the cryo chamber.

The remaining girls, like me, weren’t pleased to see the bad guys win though agreed it was nice to be free of them for an afternoon. Jeana and Rio didn’t get a warm reception when they returned to the house, with Jeana and Rio putting it down to their jealousy … rather than the fact their insufferable attitudes did it to themselves. They then sat outside by themselves, literally on the outside of the group while the girls were having fun and, in the case of Brendi K and Shanice, bitched about how awful they are.

Once again Brendi K shared about her self-esteem issues and confided in the girls that she wants to go home. Erin, obvi, went into full-on mum mode, encouraging her to work hard and fight for what she came for. I think her kindness overwhelmed Brendi K, leading to her breaking down and want to retreat even more. All the girls – minus Jeana and Rio, who I assume they just locked outside for all our sakes – rallied around Brendi K and encouraged her to stick with it and be proud of where she came from.

The next day the girls joined Rio and Jeana outside for a bus trip to the desert for a movement photoshoot, complete with a wind machine and a parachute. Make no mistake, this is not going to end well and I see a medevac in our future. Brendi K was still feeling insecure, with Shanice rallying to keep her on task and focused on the competition. Jeana, who was also there, rolled her eyes. The wind then picked up, a make-up tent flew over and smacked Jeana in the back of her head and scratched her cornea, somehow. If it did hit her, which like Shanice I don’t think it did, I would argue it may be karma for being a dick the last few episodes.

Brendi K was up first and seemed to have her groove back. Kyla seemed to struggle, Khrystyana was back to slaying, Erin looked gorgeous, Rio sadly did well, Shanice went for her it and owned the shoot while Jeana started complaining before she even got her first frame, taking off her shoes and then hunching over for the entire shoot.

After a warning from Tyra about the impending elimination, Kyla had an overwhelming sense of doom about her performance while Brendi K continued to struggle emotionally. At panel Shanice received much deserved universal praise and Kyla was right to be nervous getting mixed reviews at best. Erin looked beautiful, Rio was a Monet and looked like shit in close-up, Khrystyana was a star, Jeana looked like a bad mini-Ongina impersonator and got knocked down a couple of pegs while Brendi K once again broke down at panel, quitting the competition to look after herself before receiving her critiques.

Despite assuring the girls someone would still be going home post Brendi K’s quit, Shanice scored best photo, Jeana and Kyla landed in the bottom two … and TyTy opted to save both since neither technically performed badly.

When Brendi K arrived backstage after her quit, she was still processing her pain. Thankfully so motivational words from me – I can be nice when I want to be – and a big batch of Brandi K Seinaps had her back on the path to glory.

 

 

Do these run the risk of burning off your fingertips? Sure, but they are more than worth it (plus – no fingerprints, great when you’re running away from the cops with Halle). Spicy, sweet and inherently festive, these babies are the perfect thing to perk you up when you’re feeling down.

Enjoy!

 

 

Brandi K Seinaps
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
100g butter
½ cup raw caster sugar
⅓ cup golden syrup
¾ cup flour
2 tbsp brandy
½ tsp ground ginger
¼ tsp cinnamon
1 cup double cream
½ cup icing sugar
2 tsp vanilla essence

Method
Preheat oven to 160°C.

Combine the butter, sugar and golden syrup in a small saucepan over low heat and stir until, and stir until combined. Add the flour, brandy and spices, whisk to combine and remove from the heat to cool.

When you’re ready to bake, line two baking sheets and roll the batter into small teaspoon-sized balls. Place the balls on the tray, five at a time, leaving space for them to spread out. Transfer to the oven and bake for about ten minutes, or until they form soft, bubbly, thin pancakes.

Remove from the oven and allow to cool for about 30 secs before lifting with a palette knife and rolling around a cannoli tube to form a cylinder. Place on a cooling rack and leave to sit for a couple of minutes, or until they’re holding their shape and crispy. Repeat the process until they’re done.

Once the snaps have completely cooled, whisk the double cream, icing sugar and vanilla until soft peaks form. It won’t take long, so don’t over whip. Just whip it real good.

Pipe the cream into the cooled brandy snaps just before serving. Then devour.

 

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Brandy Jason Alexander

12 days of Festivus for the rest of us, Drink

While Seinfeld, as the name clearly suggests, is all about my friend Jerry Seinfeld, the great, wondrous holiday that is Festivus is all about the Costanzas. While yes, Frank was the creator of the blessed holiday – how many ways will I describe the holiday in the next 12 days? – I feel it is most appropriate to kick this celebration of with the delightful holiday Jason Alexander.

Jase is one of my oldest friends after meeting in ‘81 on the set of the hit TV movie Senior Trip. Annelie and I were part of Mickey Rooney’s entourage at the time but were both so moved by Jase’s performance in the bit-part – no small parts, just small actors etc. – that we vowed to make him an absolute star.

I think we can all agree that despite our questionable pasts, rehab and priz stints and aggressive feuds, the way we moulded Jason’s career truly is our opus.

Given how busy I’ve been since starting this anthropological study, I’ve barely had time to catch-up with my celebrity friends unless they’re keen to document it. And while Jason was always down for the career boost I offer, I wanted our date to be truly special.

And there is nothing more special than Festivus.

As soon as Jase arrived we were laughing like he’d snapped my fingers in a jewellery box – which coincidentally was inspired by us mucking around when he gave me some thank you jewels for the one-two punch of Seinfeld and Pretty Woman – catching-up on what he’s been up to lately and making a toast to our friendship slash the season, in the form of my Brandy Jason Alexander.

 

 

Now I know the great Ron Burgundy says milk is a bad choice in the heat and Brisbane is balls hot, but add some festive spice and a nip of brandy and you really can’t go past it. Trust me.

And that’s not a threat … but it’s also not not a threat.

Enjoy!

 

 

Brandy Jason Alexander
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
30ml brandy
30ml crème de cacao
30ml heavy cream
pinch of freshly grated nutmeg and cinnamon

Method
Shake the liquid in a cocktail shaker with ice, and pour into a chilled glass.

Garnish with nutmeg and cinnamon.

Down.

 

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Karl Stroganovic

Main, Pasta

While he didn’t explicitly say it, my boy Karl desperately needed a cuddle and a catch-up to pick him up and get him through the final few weeks of the year. Given the stress he’s been under, he hasn’t been the breakfast mainstay that we’ve come to know and love this last year, and I am heartbroken to admit, that that has really gotten him down.

“Ben, my dearest best Ben-friend after Fordo. I just feel like I’ve let my Today family, and everyone, down.”

Gaaaahhhh, how heartbreaking is that?

I held him close and told him that everything would be ok and the public would soon be distracted by another shiny scandal … and that he is beautiful, looks like a model, like Linda Evangelista. Look at that smile etc. While he was confused about that little outburst before I explained that Stan, part of the Nine stable, is Australia’s RPDR champion, he held me for a few moments, soaking in the unconditional love of his dear friend. And surprisingly, that soaking is figuratively. For once.

I’ve known Karl for years, after meeting in the Nine News Brisbane newsroom in the early ‘00s. While the fact we both had the generic appearance of a young Ray Martin pitted us as competition, our sense(s?) of humour brought us together. We’ve been friends ever since and I’ve proudly celebrated his achievements after all these years.

After working through the darker parts of our years – did I ever tell you about the time someone tried to act offended that I didn’t want to attend a work lunch when I hate crowds/people? – we got to work bringing joy back to our lives. And there is nothing more joyful than my Karl Stroganovic.

 

 

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I used to have some serious hang-ups about strog due to my mother. While she always tries her best, particularly in the kitchen, ‘90s Tweed Heads was not good for beef strips, nor did she help the sitch with strog. My dear, sweet grandmother used to tell her that me regurgitating the meat was ok because I was masticating the goodness from it, but I wish she just suggested cooking the meat in a manner that made it tender. Like this.

After submerging the beef in the sweet, sweet stroganoff sauce, the meat starts to melt away and make me wish the culinary memories of the ‘90s ent with it. Delicate, tender and oh-so-comforting, this is the perfect dish to get you excited for 2017’s end.

Enjoy!

 

 

Karl Stroganovic
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
75g butter
2 onions, diced
3 cloves garlic
250g white mushrooms, finely sliced
2 tbsp tomato paste
2 tsp Dijon mustard
1 tsp smoked sweet paprika
½ cup beef stock
⅔ cup brandy
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
500g beef fillet, cut into strips
salt and pepper, to taste
1 cup sour cream
small handful parsley, finely chopped

Method
Melt half the butter in a large skillet over medium heat until nice and foamy before adding the onion and garlic, and cooking for three minutes, or until soft. Add the mushrooms and cook for a couple of extra minutes. Add the paste, mustard and paprika and cook for a further minute, before stirring through the stock, brandy and Worcestershire sauce. Bring to the boil and simmer for about five minutes.

Add the beef strips to the bubbling sauce, reduce heat to low and simmer for about ten minutes, or until the meat is cooked through. Season, add the sour cream and stir to combine.

Remove from the heat, stir through the parsley and serve on a bed of buttered pasta. Then devour, obvi.

 

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