Previously on Survivor Probst dropped three new tribes onto the islands of Fiji and over the space of three days, the medical team became the stars of the show as there were injuries aplenty. The first happened during the opening challenge, which tragically resulted in Bruce being evacuated late that night. Zaddy Matthew was the next to go down, climbing a massive rock and promptly falling, slicing his foot open and dislocating his shoulder. While he was ok to continue in the game, it did rule him out of the challenge leaving Ratu without some much needed strength, costing them immunity and sending them to tribal council. And what a tribal council it was, as Matthew and Jamie played their Shot in the Darks – the latter being the first to lead to immunity – Lauren banked her vote for a later date and Brandon played his idol, negating two votes – a new advantage – and sending Maddy out of the game with a single vote.
Back at camp the mood at Ratu was a little bit awkward as everyone processed how messy tribal council was. Matthew meanwhile was thrilled that Brandon was able to save himself, given he desperately wanted him to stay. He then congratulated Jamie on going down in history as the first person to have correctly played their Shot in the Dark before admitting to us that he burnt his solely so he could keep his hands clean and options open for the future. Lauren then admitted that she does have the extra vote in her bag, so no one needs to go hunting to find out if she holds power because she does. Brandon meanwhile asked Kane why he voted for him, with poor Kane explaining it was simply the last name he heard before they left but assured him there are no hard feelings. Though to Brandon, it was very clear there were hard feelings. Despite the fact he was trying to pretend otherwise.
We dropped by Soka the next day with Matt, Claire and Heidi talking about puppies, with him opening up to them that his ex-girlfriend has sole custody of their dog and he is heartbroken to have lost them. And ugh, he is the sweetest and must be protected at all costs. He opened up to us about how it feels like his bad luck in life has translated to the game given he has lost his votes at the first two tribal councils. He then opened up about his crush on Frannie before opening up to her about it, with the little nerds desperately trying to downplay their bond. While constantly being drawn together with their cuteness. While Queen Claire worried it would cost Frannie in the long run, given it was so damn obvious.
Over at Tika the tribe were selling off Bruce’s belongings before Helen spoke about how the locked cage is playing on everyone’s minds and making things super tense. Carolyn wisely suggested they just go hunt for the key together to put an end to the speculation which Yam Yam readily agreed to, given he was desperate for some fun. Or so he said, as he admitted to us that he is definitely just as fixated on it as everyone else. Helen meanwhile was concerned about someone she isn’t working with finding the key, while I assumed Carolyn had found it. When in fact she actually had grabbed a damn snake.
Back at Ratu Kane went hunting for an idol, hoping the flushed one had been rehidden already. Sadly for him, however, everyone else knew what he was up to. While he didn’t find the idol, he did snatch a crab which should earn him some credit, though it really only confirmed everyone’s opinion that he can’t be trusted. We returned to Soka where Danny was also hunting for the key under the guise of finding firewood – which Matt sweetly believed, rather than thinking he was being shady, bless. Danny obviously snatched the key and was thrilled to have a little power. We pivoted to Tika where the snake scared the hell out of everyone from hunting except for Carolyn, who shared a story about her hunting through her son’s poop to find a tooth he swallowed to make sure he got the full tooth fairy experience. And just like that, her persistence once again paid off as she found the idol. Just like his tooth.
As Claire and Matt spoke about the nerves of opening the cage, Danny put his fears aside and snatched it, leaving the fake behind. While Claire and Matt confirmed nothing looked different in the cage when they next walked past.
Carolyn meanwhile was busy pretending that she didn’t find the key while everyone spoke about how shocking it is that nobody had luck, given how hard they had been hunting. As everyone departed to search a new area, Carolyn made a break for it and unlocked the cage to jag her idol and the fake, leaving it completely empty. She then realised how bad an idea that was given she was the only solitary person, so popped the bag back and relocked the cage. Thankfully taking the idol with her. Sadly though, the rest of the tribe returned to the cage and immediately could tell someone had tampered with it, leading to everyone speculating about what would have happened before they agreed to empty out their bags in front of each other. While doing that, Carson decided Halen was being sneaky, Yam Yam and Sarah thought it was each other who found the idol, while nobody suspected Carolyn who was alone for the most time and had the damn thing. So yeah, I stan mother Carolyn.
The tribes came together with Jeff in a field where they would race over an obstacle, collect sandbags and empty them to release a ball, climb a ladder, race over a bridge and then guide the ball up a snake maze. In addition to immunity, the first place tribe would jag an epic fishing kit while second place would get some meagre fishing supplies. While the losers would get a date with Jeffrey, my preferred option. Soka got lucky releasing their ball on the first go, giving themselves a massive advantage as the others fell behind. Tika found their ball and tried to close the gap before Ratu eventually rejoined the game. As always, the puzzle proved to be the great equaliser as Matthew powered through, solving it without dropping the ball once as Sarah and Josh struggled for their tribes. Both of them started to get their eyes in though as it became a race to the finish with Josh just securing immunity, sending Tika to tribal council.
Back at camp the tribe were disappointed to have lost, while Carson was disappointed that Matthew had clearly studied the puzzle to help him take out the win. Since he 3D printed the most used puzzles and had also practised, it just didn’t pay off for him this time. He opened up to us about being a literal rocket scientist, though wanted to play the game by focusing on relationships to take control. First up he approached Sarah and Helen with the girls floating the idea of getting rid of Carolyn, and while the trio were confident, the fact that Sarah didn’t have a vote nor want to tell anyone about that could prove their undoing.
Sarah tried to lock in Yam Yam to work around her lack of vote and while he pretended to be on board, he immediately ran off to loop in Carolyn as the duo locked in a plan on Helen instead. Carson joined up with them and assured them that he actually wants to align with them to take control. Yam Yam explained to us that Carolyn is like Cher and Goofy had a baby, which adds nothing but is important to me. Proving herself to be way more than a kooky character, Carolyn questioned why Carson would want to work with her, given he is good with everyone, which made her worry that a blindside is potentially afoot. He spoke to us about loving being in the middle given each duo brings out a different side of his personality, so he just needs to pick which one he wants to embrace during the game.
At tribal council Yam Yam spoke about how tense things were at camp as everyone grew more and more paranoid about the vote. Helen agreed that you start to second guess everything as everyone goes person to person to talk plans, given you all think you had just known how things would play out. She admitted that tribe strength is kind of important given they are soon to be down to four, while Sarah spoke about strength to her being allies while Carson felt like they were a little screwed to have lost their strength on Day One. Carson laughed about looking like a teen while Carolyn started to get emotional about being grateful to be in the game, feeling nervous that her time may be up. She alluded to the fact that she wants to work with people that want to talk to her, while Yam Yam hoped that the vote would solidify some alliances.
With that the tribe voted, Carolyn held onto her idol despite the nerves and Helen found herself tragically booted from the game. Though TBH, this is my favourite tribe so losing anyone would have been tragic. As Helen arrived at Loser Lodge I pulled her in for a massive hug, assuring her she had built a strong foundation in the game, which was undone by a medevac and her closest ally losing her vote. Oh and our very own Survivor Pizza Curse which cost her her game. But given she scored herself an entire Potato and Truffllen Brie Pizza, she couldn’t be mad for long.
Potato and cheese are arguably the most comforting culinary combinations, but when you pop them on a pizza (and add a little truffle) it gets taken to a whole new level.
Potato and Truffllen Brie Pizza Serves: 1 pre-merge boot, 2-4 for dinner.
Ingredients 2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor 1 tbsp truffle oil 2 garlic cloves, thinly sliced 200g truffled brie, torn or cut into inch-sized chunks 4 potatoes, thinly sliced 8 fresh sage leaves 100g fior di latte, shredded
Method Prep the bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions and preheat the oven to 180°C.
Drizzle the bases with truffle oil before topping with garlic, brie, potatoes, sage and a sprinkle of fior di latte. Pop the pizza into the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until bubbly and golden.
Serve and devour immediately, eating to welcome our newest robbed goddess.
Previously on Australian Survivor Simon was still blissfully under the assumption that he had an idol in his possession. And while we may not know what, if anything, he found in the cookie jar, one thing we can be certain of is that the producers are going to love however it blows up in his face. Hayley meanwhile successfully threw an immunity challenge, desperate to break the (Australian) winner’s curse. And since Rogue was on her tribe, she felt it was kind of a safe bet. Sadly Shaun got a clue to an idol from David and Sam, and while the trio of allies vowed to find and use it together, Shaun jagged it for himself – his first real one! – and decided now might be the right time to turn the tide against Hayley. Thankfully for our Queen, RogueRogued and offended her tribe one final time and got herself booted. Though not before doing a you-can’t-fire-me-I-quit plea to be booted.
The next day the Villains were enjoying the peace of a restful sleep after their first night off while Jordie and Fraser bonded over wanting to be arseholes instead of being on 24/7. And by being on, essentially they wanted to do nothing, stop helping and piss by the shelter, which speaks to my desire to retire by 40 on a deep, deep level. Simon however was not being lazy, lopping bamboo and being useful while Jordie and George joined him to help out and reinforce the shelter. Jordie opened up to us about how bossy Simon can be and while they both wanted George out, his temper is making working with Simon difficult. Right on cue, Simon yelled at George for getting distracted too easily and well, it was awkward and everyone just looked like they were embarrassed. For Simon.
Jordie realised that the boys were a tight four, while the girls and George were also bonded and as such, caught up with George to float the idea of working together to protect each other from their factions. Despite the fact Jordie knew it could come back to bite him, should they get caught.
Meanwhile over at the Heroes camp, the tribe were thrilled to be free of Rogue’s attitude and feeling well and truly zen again. Hayley was thrilled to have broken the curse, while Benjamin and Sharni were busy bonding while tidying and being super helpful and ugh, it is so damn wholesome. We then got a deep dive on Benjamin and his career, though I was across most of it given he is my hero. Being kind and crafty, he suggested the tribe whip up a fake idol together and while you would assume it was to benefit the entire tribe come swap, it made David, Flick and Sam feel like they cannot trust him. David and Sam caught up with Shaun, who was wisely keeping the fact he has the real idol a secret before the brainstrust went hunting along the shore. While Shaun giggled about outsmarting them, knowing that playing like a hero didn’t exactly serve him well during his first season.
The tribes joined up with my love JLP for the reward challenge where they would battle in pairs to knock barrels off a deck, with the first tribe to three scoring a tower of baked goods. And well, let’s just say, when I saw I snag roll I practically creamed my jeans, while Liz questioned whether the bread was ciabatta or sourdough, while Shonee was just looking for assurances it all came with a balsamic glaze. Like damn icons. First up were Stevie and Simon versus Shaun and Ben with the Heroes taking the point due to Simon not letting Stevie toss anything. Sam and Hayley then faced off against Jordie and George with George’s fire to best Hayley taking out the point for the Villains. Shonee and Fraser took on sweet Gerry and Matt with the Heroes quickly putting Shonee out of her misery before Paige and David defeated Sarah and Liz, handing the reward to Heroes.
Ideally for us to discover the pastries are actually raw when they return to camp.
Back at camp they learnt the producers had once again trolled them, this time spreading 11 treats out in front of them with the person who read the note – Sam – getting to decide who got to eat what. Hayley got a croissant, Paige got the meat pie, Sharni got a full loaf of bread, Gerry got a snag roll – lucky king – David got a choccie cake, Flick got a cupcake, Nina got a donut, Benjamin got a party pie, Matt a lamington, Shaun got a spongelog – and the realisation that Sam is out of his depth in the game – while Sam kept himself a slice of gluten free toast. Aka loyal to an absolute fault.
After smashing the food, Hayley got back to work hunting for an idol while Shaun watched on. Realising he had to do something to distract Sam and David from the fact he actually had the idol, Shaun told them he caught Hayley catching the idol and as such, they spread it like wildfire throughout camp. Hayley being the best player in the camp, pulled Shaun aside realising something was off between them and tried to find what the problem was. Which thankfully, finally made Shaun realise that it is stupid to vote out Hayley already, given she is a clear threat and as such distracts from the fact he is ten feet and looks stunning in a speedo.
The tribes caught up with Jonathan again for the immunity challenge where the tribes would race to push a heavy cart through a course to collect fire making equipment before lighting a fire to release a bag of coconuts. Aka the final four firemaking challenge on a massive scale. Despite being far weaker on paper, the Villains got out to an early lead before everyone fought over wood. With Stevie climbing it to make things hard for the Heroes like a damn icon. Deciding they had enough, the Villains powered to the end of the course while the Heroes focused on getting as many supplies as possible. The villains were first to make it to the end with Stevie getting to work on the fire as the rest of the tribe tried to figure out the best place to build the bonfire in the conditions. After lighting the torch, the Villains built a tall structure in a race against time as the Heroes closed the gap. Though way too slowly as the Villains took out the win before the Heroes even lit their fire.
Back at camp Sam was busy speculating whether they take out Ben for being shifty – which I repeat, he wasn’t – or Gerry for having an injured foot. Ben, Shaun, Flick, Sharni and Nina caught up by the well, agreeing how difficult the upcoming vote will be given they don’t have a Rogue. Nina suggested getting rid of Gerry would make sense given he is injured and while everyone felt bad about losing such a sweet man, Sharni tried to rationalise it as something that may save him from further injury in the long run. But damn does she hate the idea. After everyone disappeared, Sharni admitted she won’t be writing Gerry’s name down to Nina with her suggesting they get rid of Ben instead, for being shifty. This plan spread like wildfire and while Hayley was not a fan of the idea, given she and Ben are so close, she knew she wasn’t safe enough to make any demands.
Sadly for her laying low wasn’t keeping her safe anyway as Sam, David and Matt decided now would be a perfect time to blindside Hayley, given everyone is distracted, so got to work trying to find two more to get rid of her. While Nina gave some non-committal assurances, Shaun was not so thrilled about blindsiding his new ally and despite pretending it doesn’t bother him, it spurred him into action. First he told Flick what was happening before the duo approached Sam and David, assuring them that while Hayley needs to go before the merge, now is not the right time and as such, they need to see sense and not cause more chaos than they need to.
At tribal council David was surprised they were back at tribal council, while Flick spoke about how much more difficult tonight’s tribal council is compared to the last one, given they all get along. Ben was hopeful everyone was on the same page, though was nervous about blowing things up, given the last vote actually created some harmony. Hayley spoke about being worried that the upcoming vote won’t create the factions they think, while sweet Gerry was concerned his injury would be his undoing, given everyone is friendly. Ben felt like everyone should be nervous, while Gerry was the only one willing to cop to feeling like he will be receiving votes tonight.
Gerry spoke about being strong in challenges and at camp, with Shaun reiterating he has done so much for all of them and while he is still strong, he has an injury and anything will make you a target. After pointing out Gerry can’t vote for himself, Hayley begged him not to vote for her – lol – before Jonathan dropped the bomb that while they are voting someone out tonight, it is actually to send them to the Villains tribe. And should they survive their exile for two days – aka, through the next tribal council – they will return back to the Heroes camp with a tonne of intel. Which is a good twist (finally), as it could actually go either way for the person voted out and the tribe as a whole, meaning the way forward is murky.
This gagged the tribe with Shaun suggesting they get to whispering to figure out who to vote for, while Hayley suggested they should vote for a clearly loyal person, given they will give the Villains nothing and the Heroes everything upon their return. Ben meanwhile wanted to send someone that would cause chaos, while Gerry told them to focus on sending an asset. Nina meanwhile pointed out that while you want to send a spy that won’t be offended, there is still the risk that the person could just be voted out by the Villains next. Hayley smartly asked whether the Villains would know how it all transpired, with JLP assuring them it will only be what the Heroes tell them.
Paige meanwhile suggested she would be happy to go, while everyone else whispered to lock in the Gerry vote. As Nina jumped on the Paige bandwagon, telling the tribe it was easy, Paige continued to push to go for the star moment, while Sam suggested they vote someone that makes sense to have been voted out that they’d also be willing to lose given it isn’t a guarantee they come back. Which obviously made Gerry nervous as he asked who Sam was suggesting then. And ugh, Sam, you were so damn close to making a compelling argument, why did you have to go and tell the person you’re about to vote as a spy that they are expendable? With that the tribe voted, sending sweet Gerry over to the Villains for the weekend. And thanks to Sam’s blunder, he was taking a little bit of a bruised ego which should thankfully make things a little interesting.
As Gerry arrived at the Villains camp, everyone was fast asleep as he quietly crawled into the shelter to try and gently wake someone up. As he alerted Simon – who hilariously thought it was Sam – he pulled him in for a hug, while the rest of the tribe awoke to welcome him. Well except for George, who was annoyed that he scored a better spot in the shelter and after sassing him out, told us that it was critical that he makes sure he woos Gerry before Simon does. And well, who is going to tell him it may be too late already?
We checked in with the Heroes where Sharni was regalling the Meat Tray with stories of waking up and punching a crab. And while they seemed close, Sharni shared that she was just flexing her acting muscles – or chops, even – given she is so annoyed with them for risking Gerry despite Paige wanting to go to the other tribe. While Shaun tried to explain that voting for Gerry made the most sense, it didn’t make Sharni feel any less annoyed by how it all went down behind his back.
We returned to the Villains camp where Simon interrupted George and Gerry bonded, while George stared daggers at him. Fraser joined the conversation to see if he knew he was copping votes the previous night, with the sweet man proving to have a few sly tricks up his sleeve as he expertly spun a lie. And well Gerry, he was just feeling all the love from the tribe and was grateful for how friendly and kind they all are and as such, his loyalty was already wavering. Particularly since they were happy for him to be expendable. We then learnt about Gerry’s life on Fraser Island and all the hardship he has experienced and ugh, just like Sharni, I want only good things for him. As Simon continued to suck up to Gerry, George went person to person, pointing out how obvious Simon was being to try and woo him as a number. And George, maybe stop complaining and start befriending?
The tribes reunited with Jonathan for the latest reward challenge with George sassily asking the Heroes to explain why they voted out Gerry before learning that one at a time they would face off one on one to knock their opponent’s idol off a disc. With the first tribe to three getting a huge collection of supplies and a piping hot lasagne. Or not, who knows? It could be frozen. Sam and Simon were first to do battle with Simon tragically dropping his, leading to a smug little dance from Sam. Shonee was next up against Flick, with our Queen tying things up before George and Hayley faced off, with Hayley obviously putting Heroes back out in front. Jordie and Shaun were up next with Jordie wisely tossing his in the air as he slapped Shaun’s to the ground, once again tying things up leaving Simon and David to battle out for reward with Simon botching the toss strategy as the Heroes jagged the win.
But hey, at least George got some intel from Hayley that he should trust Gerry.
Back at the ever improving Heroes camp, derpy Sam was thrilled with their latest haul as he carved up one of the three lasagnes for the tribe to devour. The spirits were obviously very high, but only got higher as Matt discovered pictures from home. We met David’s girlfriend who made him break down in tears, while Matt showed off a picture of him proposing to his girlfriend – post nervous poo – Hayley showed the day she bought a house, Benjamin spoke about his high school sweetheart Scott, we met Sharni’s grandfather, Sam’s girlfriend, Sandra got a photo cameo, Megan Gale graced our screens, Flick’s boyfriend made a return before Paige sobbed talking about her grandmother who passed away a few months earlier and ugh, I’m crying too.
Meanwhile the Villains were busy working, with Stevie getting them all on firewood duty while George quickly started working on Gerry. He pulled him aside and told him that Hayley told him to trust Gerry before Geroge spilled the tea on what was going on within the tribe, before they both offered up their allies and vowed to work together. While sweet Gerry proved to also be shrewd, knowing that he now holds the power to choose between George and Simon. And without the heroes realising, he can return to them with a new tribe of allies to bring them down. And FUCK YES, rise King Gerry.
The tribes joined JLP on a beach for the next immunity challenge where the heroes announced that they got photos from home. Which made Gerry look ready to kill. But back to the challenge, where they would race out to a boat, row it into shore and drag it up the beach before crawling under a net and tying their paddles into a pole to release a key which they would use to unlock blocks which they would then use to solve a word puzzle. While the tribes were neck and neck at the start, Shaun being a man mountain let the Heroes take the lead as he propped up the net and let the tribe breeze through. The Villains desperately tried to close the gap with once again, the puzzle proving to be the great equaliser. The Villains were first to get their letters ready while the Heroes figured out the phrase. Clearly out of their depth, the Villains vowed to just copy off the Heroes as Ben straight up signed the answer to Paige to slow them down. With the Heroes solving the puzzle a fraction ahead of the Villains.
Back at camp Simon was well and truly over the losses, while the tribe tried to rally and keep morale up. As everyone split up, Simon quickly locked in the plan to vote out George with Fraser however it was all reliant on Gerry. But given he had clearly warmed to Geroge, Simon instead tried to woo Sarah to his side. She was obviously in on the plan, telling Simon she knows he is a snake and as such, wants to get rid of him as quickly as possible. Simon took the information back to Fraser with the duo celebrating how easily it came together, as George watched on, assuming they were coming for him.
George caught up with Shiz by the well with George talking about how horribly Simon treats him and as such, he is willing to get rid of him ASAP. While George was confident they had Sarah and Gerry in their corner to make a move, Shiz both cautioned him that Sarah isn’t as loyal as he thinks and as such, suggested that maybe they should consider targeting her instead. And while Geroge was happy with the plan, he was also worried that she would push him down the stairs quicker than you can say Miss Greece. As such, George approached Gerry to let him know about the plan with Gerry quickly jumping on board. Talk turned to who would be the best person to rope in as a fifth, with them settling on Stevie, given he is another old boy. Sadly Stevie was not thrilled to blindside Sarah at first, given he is very close with Simon, though knew that getting rid of her takes him one step closer to the switch.
Stevie wisely caught up with Gerry to talk through what they should do, with Gerry reminding him that things change minute by minute and he needs to go with the flow. Stevie then approached Fraser to check if they are voting for George or Sarah, with the eavesdropping Simon wondering how Sarah became an option all of a sudden and grew all the more confused as they headed out for their date with JLP.
At tribal council Gerry spoke about how welcomed he was by his fellow Villains, while George spoke about how great it was to get a new member, particularly one that slotted right into the tribe. Shonee felt like Gerry fit in with them, given they are kind of lovely despite their love for some cheeky villanousness. George reiterated how grateful he was to have Gerry in his corner, while he was focused on making sure that the person they vote out tonight is the biggest risk to flip on the tribe post swap. As hell froze over, Simon agreed that was the wisest move while Jordie implied a tribe swap was imminent which upset JLP, given he sets the rules. While George, Simon and Jordie appeared to be on the same page, Stevie spoke about being worried about just following, rather than making the move that benefits him. Jordie spoke about voting for the shiftiest while Sarah was focused on sticking with the people she trusts. As George stared at Simon and Jordie, willing them to flip and take her out.
With that the tribe voted, George held onto his idol and once again, Simon got cold feet ahead of the vote, joining with the Shiz crew to blindside Sarah. As she arrived at Loser Lodge, Sarah quickly proved how she became a champion beauty queen, acting poised and charming as I pulled her in for a hug. I congratulated her on playing a solid game, telling her that if this had been a season of just newbies, I truly believe she would have taken it all the way and well, that was enough to cheer her up before I served up a fresh batch of piping hot Chicken and Sarah Marschkroom Baos.
There is nothing I love more than a glorious steamed bun, and this lighter chicken version is truly delicious. Sweet and earthy, it warms even the coldest of villains. And could even guarantee nobody is pushed down the stairs, or anything.
Chicken and Sarah Marschkroom Baos Serves: 4.
Ingredients 7g sachet dry yeast ¾ cup warm water 2 cups flour 1 cup cornflour 5 tbsp raw caster sugar ¼ cup vegetable oil 2 ½ tsp baking powder canola oil 5 garlic cloves, minced 1 tbsp minced ginger 2 cups shiitake mushrooms, sliced salt and pepper 500g chicken mince ⅓ cup chopped chives 1 tbsp truffle oil
Method In the large bowl of an electric mixer, dissolve the yeast into the water and let it rest until it is foamy and glorious.
While that is frothing away, sift the flour, cornflour and sugar together. When the yeast is ready, add the flour and oil.
Using a dough hook, turn the mixer on to the lowest setting and leave to knead for about 5 minutes or until a small ball is formed. Place in a large oiled bowl, cover with a damp cloth and allow to prove for 2 hours.
While the dough is working on proving itself to you, get to work on the meat mixture.
Heat a lug of canola oil in a large frying pan and saute garlic and ginger for a minute or so, or until nice and fragrant. Add the mushrooms and cook for five minutes or so, or until soft. Remove from heat, season and allow to cool completely. Once chill, combine the shiitakes, mince, chives, and truffle oil in a bowl and scrunch until well combined.
After the dough has made something of itself, return it to the bowl of the mixer, add the baking powder and knead it again on the lowest setting until it is smooth again, adding water a teaspoon at a time if it looks too dry. Trust your gut here people, I did. Cover with a damp cloth and leave to rest for 15 minutes.
While resting, cut out ten 10x10cm squares of baking paper and add water to the steamer and bring to the boil.
When ready, roll the dough out into a long tube and divide into ten pieces. Flatten each piece into a 12cm diameter disc, leaving more dough towards the centre, add a good chunk of the filling and bring the dough together to close the bun at the top. Place on a square of parchment and repeat the process until all done.
Steam the buns for 12 minutes over high heat, three or four at a time depending on the size of your steamer, making sure the water does not touch the buns. Then devour, gleefully, with your fave condiments.
Guys, the day you’ve been waiting for is finally here – happy Tony’s Eve. Sadly though, that means our Tony Gold coverage is about to come to a crushing end but I can assure you, I am not throwing away my shot.
In addition to it being the pinnacle of Tony Gold, today also marks our 400th – yes, four FUCKING hundredth – recipe. And when a milestone like that rolls around, I am not throwing away my shot. He yo, I don’t like the country, I’m young, scrappy and this is fame hungry and I’m not throwing away my shot celebrating this milestone, so invited my dear friend and true Broadway treasure Lin-Manuel Miranda.
But seriously can you take a brief pause here to think about the fact that I’ve had this many celebrity friendships survive my horrific behaviour? Say what you will about the entertainment biz, but those people truly have the patience of saints when it comes to my transgressions (I guess that comes with the territory when you’re a white male).
Anywho, I’ve known my boy Linny-Mans for years, having grown up together in the heights which inspired him to write his first hit musical In the Heights. It would come as no surprise that the character of Sonny was inspired by me and my sassy attitude.
Given the phenomenon of Hamilton and the fact that it inspired this year’s celebrations, I knew we had to finish the celebrations with my dear, sweet friend who I love is love is love so damn much.
Oh and I had to honour the fact he inadvertently inspire my high school drama teacher to write an original musical compiling the plots of Blood Brothers, Bootmen and Romeo & Juliet that I played as high comedy, to distract from the fact it was poorly written.
Sorry – I mean it was wonderful and Trapt is essentially the Tweed Heads/Banora Point version of Hamilton, Muriel’s Wedding be damned.
Since we’ve pretty much covered all the major categories, Lin-Man and I only had to look at the OG Score. While he is more forgiving and has chosen to back the men that robbed him of his EGOT for Dear Evan Hansen, he know how far I’ll go … and that is to undermine their chances and back Come from Away our my compatriot Tim-Min for Groundhog Day.
After getting the serious part of our date out of the way, I got to work whipping up a meal while he toasted the success of this patch of future-Peabody-winning cyberspace. He then said something about looking forward to the next 400, though he could have been saying something about looking forward to 400g of my Linguine Truffle Miranda.
Full disclosure, this is a Nigella Lawson recipe with minimal – emphasis on minimal – tweaks, but even the domestic goddess herself has said that she enjoys seeing how people adapt the recipes to suit their tastes. And it isn’t like I’m slumming her as recipe 392 or something – this is a milestone, dammit!
While Nige’s is a little more delicate, I go for an aged parmesan that smells like your feet and shoes died six months ago and have been rotting in tropical heat and an extremely generous lug of truffle oil, meaning the pasta punches you in the mouth in the best way possible.
Happy Tonys / thanks for reading / enjoy!
Linguine Truffle Miranda Serves: 4.
Ingredients 500g linguine 4 eggs ¼ cup double cream ¼ cup grated aged parmesan, plus more to serve 2 tbsp white truffle oil, or to taste 60g unsalted butter salt and pepper, to taste
Method Place a big old pot of salted water over high heat and bring to the boil. Once bubbling like a revolution, add the linguine and cook as per packet instructions.
While the paste is cooking, combine the eggs, double cream, parmesan and truffle oil in a jug, and whisk to combine.
When the pasta is good to go, drain it in a colander, reserving a cup of the boiling liquid. Place the butter in the pan with about a quarter of a cup of the aforementioned – or abovementioned if you’re a moron trying to sound smart while defending yourself in legal proceedings – cooking liquid. Add the pasta, stir and then add the creamy liquid, still stirring, to combine.
Place the pasta over low and heat and cook stirring for a minute or so. Remove, serve, cover in more old-foot-smelling parmesan and devour, ok?
Previously on Survivor, Rohan’s junk threw out the clue I assume to make way for my …well, before JoJo declared a merge which was actually an absorbed tribe situation, where Nick was a dick to Jennah Louise, setting up his eventual downfall and Kat, I assume learning from her favourite Resort Report CEO turned on Aganoa filling Craig with some arrogance.
Hopefully this isn’t the pride before his fall.
We made our way over to new Saanapu where Jennah Louise was rightfully feeling pretty screwed, fuelling what I hope will be her comeback storyline.
Returning to Vavau, Kate tried to take over the mantle from Joe, Wigles and Vytas by furthering her game via yoga. Kate, show me your idol in some printed jocks and you get my vote.
After some absorption disguised as a merge rage from Phoebe, everyone started feeling hella XTina circa ‘02 when they saw JoJo and were pumped to get dirrty. Either way, I was sweating as their clothes came off.
There was rubbing, writhing and everything to fill Probst’s mind with smut before Nick’s repeated cock-grazing of Lee lead to a victorious shower. Seriously, I didn’t embellish any of that eroticism. This show is getting, gooooood yo.
We followed Saanapu to reward where a soft core porno was playing out before Jennah commenced her work to join forces with Kylie to try and overthrow Saanapu and screw Nick – who after trying to take my man Lee, is dead to me – again.
Back at Vavau, they had to accept the fact that their erotic exploits would have to stick to the ocean. But erotic is erotic and they seemed happy rubbing each other down, particularly Rohan who enjoyed spilling more ex-Aganoan secrets while talking smack about Kat while she was in earshot.
I assume it is a spokesmodel feud.
While Rohan was losing friends, Craig went wandering to find the Vavau idol … with the entirety of his tribe. So yeah, not exactly stealth. But it didn’t seem to screw Spencer in Cagayan, so maybe it will work.
After an aggressive storm tore through both camps, Lee soaked his shorts (rather than ours for a change) and Sue was well pissed which I hope blows over as I desperately want her to win. We then arrived at immunity which was my favourite challenge which once resulted in Probst saying my favourite quote of all time, “Malcolm’s pants are now completely off.”
After a hard fought battle – and a beautiful love story between Lee and Rohan in the second and fifth rounds – Saanapu won immunity. But let’s be honest, Kate was the true winner showing her challenge beast side and so were the audience with the copious amounts of man butt in the final round.
Heading back to camp, former front runner Phoebe was feeling pretty dejected thinking she was on the way out while Sue was the dominant force of nature I knew she was and forced the idol information out of Rohan and continued to allow him to dig his hole even further.
Knowing that Rohan had the idol, Vavau made moves to split the vote and flush the idol, then debated turning on Kat while Kat reaffirmed the Rohan split, Phoebe moved to get the idol played on her and the vote turned on Sue leading to my complete and utter confusion as they made their way into tribal council.
After a bold tribal council with Phoebe fighting hard and working on deals during discussions and Andrew dancing around in circles, working on his arrogance and butchering the phrase shooting fish – not ducks – in a barrel, Phoebe played her/Rohan’s idol and saw Rohan voted out by Kat and Kristie.
While I felt for poor Rohan as he made his way into Loser Lodge, I was a little bit happy knowing that Sue has survived. Plus I knew it was close enough to the mud challenge that I could offer to shower my model friend – we met while I briefly worked in casting for a major fashion label … I think you know why I lost my job – without coming off as too lecherous.
Ro being Ro wasn’t angry when he made his way into my loving arms … but that could have something to do with the fact that he could smell my Rohan Maclaren Cheese baking in the oven?
Like Rohan this dish has you salivating – cheesy, comforting and decadent, this pasta bake and its hint of truffle keep you coming … back for more and more.
Rohan Maclaren Cheese Serves: Again I would say 1, functional society would say 4.
Ingredients Salt and pepper, to taste 500g dried macaroni 1 tbsp truffle oil 60g unsalted butter ¼ cup plain flour ½ tsp sweet paprika 1 tsp Dijon mustard 3 cups milk 1 ½ cups shredded Gruyère cheese 1 ½ cups shredded vintage cheddar cheese fresh chives, finely sliced to garnish
Method Preheat an oven to 180°C.
First get cracking by bringing a large saucepan of water to the boil aka hotter than the hot tub with a swimwear model. Salt the water, add the macaroni and cook, stirring often, for just under the packet recommendations. Drain, return to the pot off the heat and stir through the truffle oil.
In another saucepan, melt the butter over medium heat until it starts to foam. Whisk in the flour, paprika and mustard, and cook stirring constantly for a couple of minutes. Remove from the heat and slowly whisk in the milk, season and return to the heat and cook, again stirring constantly for about five minutes.
Remove from the heat again, and stir through a cup of each cheese until smooth, melty and glorious.
Pour the sauce over the macaroni, give a thorough stir and transfer to a medium/large baking dish. Top with the remaining cheese and bake for 30 minutes, or until it is golden and bubbling.
Remove from the oven and allow to stand for 5 minutes, if you can. Garnish with chives and devour.
Yes – no serving, devour. This is single serve if you’ve just been booted.