While Australian Survivor – specifically, the Spice Girls come Vigilantes alliance – has been keeping us well and truly fed, I can’t help but feel excited for the latest season of the OG franchise. Even though this new era has been a wee patchy.
Despite Jeffrey’s love for seasons not always aligning with mine, I am inclined to believe him when he tells us they are electrifying. Because like Whitney Wild Rose, I had the fucking chills watching the previews. And watching it all play out live from Jeff’s Fijian villa, of course.
Yam Yam is a total bear zaddy who I want to be my best friend, there is so much queer representation – I love you too, Matthew don’t worry – while Carolyn and her rock collection own my damn heart. So basically, they just need to live up to my hype and be All Stars Silky, rather than Season 11 Silky, where we all turned on her halfway through the premiere.
And even if it doesn’t translate into good television, once again I was on site to provide culinary comfort for all of the losers because I would do anything for Jeff. And the attention, so check back next week when I welcome the newest member to the Sonja Christopher First Boot Club.
I don’t want to curse 2023 – we need a precedent-ed year again – but it feels like nature is maybe, just maybe, healing. Greta Thunberg is getting people carted off to priz, Pell is in hell and with the Australian Open out of the way, my love Jonathan is returning to our screens for more Australian Survivor.
And he has brought our Queen Shonee (and ten other returnees) back with him for another shot at the title. Or at the very least, to make it late in the game to prove she is our version of Cirie Fields.
While yeah, yeah, we’re all sad the Heroes V Villains theme wasn’t put on ice for a full returnee roster, the newbies include a personal hero (and stalkee), Sal Fletcher’s foster daughter, a beauty queen that sounds like someone that could have appeared in Drop Dead Gorgeous and Queen Anjali Rao who is ready to parlay fighting on RHOMelbourne into full blown villainy. And I am here for the glee with which she is playing it up.
Which hopefully won’t jinx her, given I am wont to do that.
As usual JLP chartered me a yacht – Triangle of Sadness style antics ensued – to Samoa to provide his cast with culinary comfort and entertain him, so check back before each episode to get all the deets.
After the longest Drag Race off season in years – two entire weeks between – Ru, Michelle, Carson, and the hilarious Ross Mathews are back for the biggest season ever. And thankfully, they’re bringing the delightful TS Madison with them.
Oh and a record breaking number of queens, a bigger prize and the gaggiest twist of all – announcing the winner before the show even airs! Because you best believe Sasha Colby aka Kerri’s mum aka a legend of the scene will be taking out the crown, mark my words.
So yeah, you could say Ru is definitely going all out for his quinceañeru!
While this would normally be the point where I ask who will win, we don’t need to do that this season, so just settle back and enjoy the ride because you best believe all the dolls came to slay. And once they’re eliminated, I’ll be dishing them up some culinary comfort or humble pie. Their choice.
Who will be the first to get the chop and join the Porkchop Club?
The world opened up post-COVID and RuCo really just ran with it, assembling another collection of international dolls to battle for global supremacy. Now, with Down Under representation to boot!
While the UK has been replaced, we’re staying within the Commonwealth and heading north where Brooke, Traci and Brad will be in charge of finding the Queen of the Mother Pucking World. And ideally not robbing someone like say, Mo ‘Should Have a Crown’ Heart, but I digress.
Will the vs the World crown stay in the UK? Will host-nation Canada get their ru-demption? Can Anita make it three from three for the kiwis? Or will Brooke’s Season 11 sisters slay – or sleigh, given we’re so close to Christmas – their way to a crown?
And why does, why don’t we crown Ra’Jah now, just feel right?
Sit back, strap in and get ready for a polite, PM filled season and check back next week to find out who joined Lemon in the international Porkchop lounge!
While another transition of power has taken most of the press this week, Broom and Miselle are jumping back across the pond like Meg and Haz to add to their rival royal dynasty. And you just know, I’ve got big Big Kev energy going.
Aka, yes, I’m excited.
Despite my disappointment that Ella and her meek-ro-wah-vay didn’t get their rightful crown, I was once again willing to drop by and support the dolls. Particularly since if they win four challenges, they don’t get the win and frankly, I’m not laughin’ about it.
Once again, I ventured across (the very large from Australia) pond to help dull the doll’s pain after they’ve been booted from the competition and had their spirits and/or dreams crushed by way of a mid-to-low-quality meal. But, like, made with love. Which counts.
Who will be the first to drop by (disappointed after becoming the Porkchop of their season)? Check back next week for all the deets.
While I will gladly complain about the entire drop the 4 schtick and the permanent reduction in days – please Probst, I like my traditions sweet angel – I am sitting at an impasse, wondering how we’re ever going to get a more majestic winner than last season’s iconic Maryanne.
I mean, sure, I will fall in love with the latest batch of 18 new castaways Probst and Co. have dumped on a myriad of islands in Fiji to battle it out. But Maryanne was a star. She was messy, she was emotional, she was passionate, she was kind and honestly, she was a damn delight to watch.
I know I’m meant to be here reminding you that yes, I am still on Probst’s personal payroll to provide culinary comfort to the castaways to ease their post-boot pain. But could you imagine a world in which Maryanne had won but four seasons earlier – don’t worry about dropping that one – and competed on Winners at War.
It. Would. Have. Been. AMAZING.
That being said, I have high hopes that if we can still find an icon like her after 42 seasons, we surely will find someone to love in the 43rd. So sit back, relax and enjoy the ride while awaiting my post-boot catch-up/s next week!
Grab the footy franks and the Tia Maria, Sharon love – we’ve got something to celebrate! Yes, Ru and Michelle have made their way back down under to witness another season of ratchet delights – Ru’s words, not mine – alongside the franchise’s best judge Rhys.
And you just know I was on hand to help keep the dolls happy post-boot, despite being absolutely up to pussy’s bow with recaps and commiserations all around the globe.
You know why? You know why, Kim? Not because I’m a bitch, but because I have a feeling in my waters this season is going to be a winner! Or at the very least, noice, different and unusual.
Who will go from a great hunk of spunk to a total hornbag, worthy of the Down Under crown? And who will stumble at the first hurdle and become the first sheila to sashay away? Likely screaming for a cardonnay and a statue of baby cheeses.
Or, you know, whatever I whip up for them next week.
Take a deep breath, fellow queers, because we’re about to hit peak Drag Race season. I mean, but four score and seven years ago, we would have one season a year and a ten month off season. Now? Oh baby, there is no off season.
And. I. Love. It.
And while that isn’t the night the lights went out in Georgia – that lip sync, right? – it is the very long winded way of saying that once again we’re going (true) north (strong and fierce) with Brooke and Co. for another round of Canada’s Drag Race.
Whoever joins Priyanka and Icesis in the winner’s circle, we can rest easy knowing that this season will likely go down as having the best collection of stereotypical drag names in the history of the universe. And sometimes that is enough.
Who will take out the crown? Well, I’m hoping for Irma Gerd. As she has far and away the best bloody name. And for the unlucky first boot, check back next week for the culinary comfort.
Bonne nouvelle, mes amis – I have a base level knowledge of the French language and as per my agreement with Mama Ru, I am going (have) to use it to celebrate Drag Race France!
So get ready for another season of hybrid language recap-ery – do we call in Frenlish? – and buffoonery. Ideally with less riggery, you hear me Nicky?
Will the French girls serve all the fashion (I mean, Jean Paul Gaultier is judging the first episode, so I hope)? Will they give us moments as iconic as the Eiffel Tower herself? And more importantly, will they be able to paint like they were done by Leo in Titanic?
Geddit? You get it right, I didn’t need to add this!
Or – sacre bleu! – will they fall on their faces like Carrie in Dior? Dans les mots de mon professeur de français de deuxième année, soyons fous! Et dans les mots de Ru, soyons écœurants!
Pack your sponges, people, because – look over there! – Monsoon season is back! And they are bringing the whole damn royal court with them! Yes, Drag Race is finally doing an all winners showdown!
Eight former champions from across Ru’s own franchises are following in BeBe’s well heeled feet for the chance to win another crown. And out of respect for Ben DeLa Creme, I am so excited to see it.
Will The Viv show the US girls who is boss? Will Raja continue to serve iconic runways? Will Trinity slay the game and make me root for her despite myself? Will Yvie add a third crown to the Oddly family cabinet? Or will Shea just win because she is the best?
Given – spoiler alert – Ru has zero intentions of eliminating the dolls this season (rightly so, TBH), I’m going to do things a little differently and feed the dolls in reverse alphabetical order based on who has the least challenge wins. So barring a dominating start to the competition, we’ll be seeing Yvie after Episode #2.
Who do you think will be crowned the one queen to rule them all? Sound off in the comments below.