Ahhhh, Stephen. This year’s recipient of the humiliating, bumbling trombone-backed fool edit.
I have to admit, I was almost pleased to witness Stephen’s futile attempts at twig snapping, abysmal slingshotting and generally failing at everything around camp. This is because there is a rivalry that runs deep between us. You see, I had set up a complex pyramid scheme designed to grift Tocantins victor JT Thomas out of his million dollar prize. Again proving that he was the brains behind JT’s win, Fish saw right through my scam and stopped JT from investing in my 1800-PROBSTY telephone sex line.
In Second Chances, Stephen found himself a more glorious version of JT to lust after- he went full-on Single White Female and got a little bit lost in Joe’s beauty. Despite this, his strategy of taking out one of the major threats was sound. Perhaps if he’d spent less time being simultaneously painfully awkward and sexually aggressive (is that even possible?) he could have come through with the goods one way or another.
Well, that is if he didn’t get a violent case of the trots.
Fish, why do you keep trying to take what is rightfully ours?
Ben actually caused Fishy’s ‘gastro-intestinal distress’ by slipping a large quantity of laxatives into his water canteen. Yes, we were responsible for the glorious shit fountain and the ensuing ocean deuce. Hands off our man Fish – we don’t mess around when it comes to dreamy mcmansome Joe!
After Stephen’s explosive diarrhoea and not-so-covert aquadump was caught on camera by a
helipoopter helicopter, we thought he might want a meal slightly more gentle on that fraught tum-tum of his.
The Stephen Grilled Fishbach is healthy and light without being bland. Served with coleslaw, this fibre-packed meal is guaranteed to cork up even the most ghastly case of brown thunder down under.
Stephen Grilled Fishbach
4 x 150-200g reef fish fillets, scales and bones removed
4 tablespoons plain flour
2 lemons, cut into wedges
Salt and Pepper
½ head red cabbage
½ head white cabbage
½ bunch celery
2 granny smith apples
1 small red onion
½ cup greek yoghurt
4 tablespoons whole egg mayonnaise
2 teaspoons apple cider vinegar
Shred carrots, cabbages, apples and onion. Finely chop celery. Combine in a large bowl.
Whisk together mayonnaise, yoghurt and cider vinegar and mix through slaw mix. Refrigerate 1-2 hours for best flavour.
When ready to serve, season the flour with salt and pepper and dredge fish. In a hot oiled pan, grill fish fillets, in batches, until cooked through. Serve with lemon wedges and slaw.