12 days of Festivus for the rest of us

Cherry Seinfeld Cheesecake

12 days of Festivus for the rest of us, Cake, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

After what feels like a marathon finish to an epic year – kicking off with the supreme Diana Ross, experiencing the highest of highs honouring the 10th anniversary of Because I Said So, and the lowest of lows witnessing queen Sandra Diaz-Twine’s torch being snuffed for the first time, learning that Nicaragua can be pronounced Knee-Coo-Arrr-Ohhh-Goo-A, seeing the glorious buns of Locky Gilbert on the killer second/fourth season of Australian Survivor, the glorious crowning of Sasha Velour, catching Milk post-All Stars 3 filming and a breathtaking end to the oddly titled Heroes v. Healers v. Hustlers – we’ve finally hit day 12 of the 12 Days of Festivus.

You know, after catching up with Jase, Heids, Barn, Liz, Wayne, Mike, Pat, John, J-Lou, Stel and Jez.

It should come as absolutely zero surprise what with the process of elimination and the fact the show is named after him, that we’re rounding out our Fete de Festivus with a date with my dear friend slash protege, Jerry Seinfeld. What – you didn’t know I taught him everything he knows?

He first caught my eye during his appearances on Benson and I took him under my wing, guiding his career from Johnny Carson, to Letterman and eventually introduced him to Larry David. The rest, as they say, is history.

Given how busy Seiny has been with his Netflix deal, we haven’t seen much of each other lately so it was such a treat to pop on our puffy shirts and ring in Christmas – by way of Festivus, of course – with a big fat Cherry Seinfeld Cheesecake.

 

 

Tart and sweet, creamy, rich and packed full of spice, this cheesecake is festive perfection. And super simple, which is perfect if you want to focus on your drinking. And who doesn’t?

Enjoy!

Oh, and from our crazy family to yours, Merry Christmas! We’re taking a short break and will be back in the new year … or maybe a bit before. Dun dun DUUUUNNNN!

 

 

Cherry Seinfeld Cheesecake
Serves: 12.

Ingredients
1 cup frozen pitted cherries
¼ cup muscovado sugar
2 tsp ground cinnamon
½ tsp mixed spice
200g butternut snap biscuits, crushed
100g butter, melted
500g cream cheese
½ cup raw caster sugar
½ cup thickened cream
3 tsp gelatine powder, dissolved in ¼ cup boiling water

Method
Place the cherries, muscovado sugar, cinnamon and mixed spice in a small saucepan over medium heat and cook for about fifteen minutes, or until it beautifully scented and reduced. Transfer to a heatproof bowl and place in the fridge to cool.

Combine the biscuit crumbs and melted butter, and press into the base of a 20cm springform pan and refrigerate while you make the filling.

Beat the cream cheese in an electric mixer until smooth. Reduce speed to low and add in the sugar, cream and gelatine until smooth and combined.

Fold through the chilled cherries, and pour the mixture into the chilling pan and return to the fridge for a few hours to set.

Remove from the fridge half an hour before serving and devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Jerry Festillervus Cake

12 days of Festivus for the rest of us, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

We nearing the end of our 12 days of Festivus celebrations – after, wait for it, catching up with Jase, Heid, Barn, Liz, Wayne, Mike, Pat, John, J-Lou and Estelle – and as such, it is time to unleash the one-two Jerry punch. Since Seiny is obvi atop the Festivus pole, that means today is all about the king and creator of Festivus, my dear friend Jerry Stiller.

I’ve known Jez the longest of the Seinfeld bunch, having met in the early ‘50s.

You see I was working in a bridal shop in flushing … sorry, wrong show. I was working at a diner in Midtown and Jez came in with a nice young lady for a cup of coffee after he agent was rude to her. The young lady, his beautiful future wife Anne Meara  and it goes without saying that my service played a huge role in their eventual relationship.

I was the Best Man of Honour at their wedding in ‘54, am godfather to little Ben – who was named after, obviously – and was integral in getting the role of Frank recast because I knew that it truly was the role Jez was born to play.

I am ashamed to admit it, but I haven’t seen much of Jez since Anne passed away in 2015, so it was so wonderful to see him doing so, so well. There was a lot of laughter, plenty of tears and even a few grievances aired – his, most notably, was how little we see of each other – as we sat down to devour a traditional, hallowed Jerry Festillervus Cake.

 

 

While the TV Festivus dinner never featured the Festivus cake, this delight is a tradition of the real celebration. A light, moist chocolate cake, slathered in sweet chocolate buttercream and dotted with M&M’s? Sign me up … and yourselves.

Enjoy!

 

 

Jerry Festillervus Cake
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
200g raw caster sugar
250g unsalted butter, softened
3 tsp vanilla extract
200g plain flour
1 tsp baking powder
½ tsp bicarbonate of soda
¼ cup cocoa powder
2 eggs
275ml sour cream
200g dark chocolate, chopped
300g icing sugar
1 tbsp golden syrup
M&M’s

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Cream the caster sugar with 175g of unsalted butter and 2 tsp of the vanilla until light and fluffy. In another bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, bicarb and cocoa. And then … in a third bowl, whisk the eggs and 150ml of the sour cream. Add the second and third bowls, alternating in thirds, until it is all combined.

Pour the batter into a 30 x 30cm cake tin and bake for 30 minutes, or until an inserted skewer comes out clean. Remove from the oven and allow to cool completely on a cooling rack.

To make this icing, melt the remaining butter and chocolate in a medium bowl in a microwave until just melted and easily combined. Sieve in the icing sugar and stir through the golden syrup and remaining sour cream and vanilla until just combined. Ice the cake immediately, smoothing the edges half-assedly as you go.

Spell ‘Happy Festivus’ with M&M’s as best as your skills will take you … before carving up and devouring. Like a monster.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Estellemon Barris

12 days of Festivus for the rest of us, Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

With our festivus meatloaf out of the way thanks to the divine Jules-Lou – who we yada yada yad Jase, Heids, Barns, Liz, Wayne, Michael, Pat and John – it is finally time to move on to the sweet part of festivus. The irony being the first sweet part comes in the form of my dear friend Estelle Harris.

I mean, Estelle Harris is an absolute delight … but there isn’t much delightful about Mrs. Costanza.

I didn’t meet Stelly until she joined the cast of Seinfeld, she pulled me in to her warm embrace instantly and became yet another Hollywood mother figure.

While she didn’t come to acting until quite late in life, I vowed to make her a star. First came Toy Story 2 and by the time she got the egregiously Emmy-snubbed The Suite Life with Zack and Cody, I believe she had made it.

Given how busy she has been recording Toy Story 4, we haven’t seen much of each other this year. It was such a treat to sit back, reconnect and celebrate the season with a big old batch of my Estellemon Barris.

 

 

Given how sour the Costanzas can be and how sweet Estelle is, I knew that this dish would be the perfect bridge for the two. Filled with enough lemon to turn your lips inside out, yet enough sugar to turn a toddler crazy. In a good way.

Enjoy!

 

 

Estellemon Barris
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
2 ⅓ cups plain flour
2 ½ cup raw caster sugar
¼ tsp salt
225g butter, cut into small cubes
½ tsp baking powder
juice and zest of 2 lemons
6 eggs
icing sugar, for dustin’

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Combine 2 cups of flour, ½ cup of sugar and salt in a large bowl. Add the butter and press into the flour with your fingertips until it resembles wet send. Press into a lined baking dish and bake until set and just starting to brown, aka about 15-20 minutes. Remove from the oven and allow to cool slightly.

While the base is cooling, combine the remaining flour and sugar in a large bowl with the baking powder and lemon zest. Whisk in the eggs and juice and mix until just combined. Pour over the base and return to the oven and bake for 20 minutes.

Remove from the oven and allow to cool before transferring to the fridge to set for a couple of hours.

When you’re ready to serve – and who isn’t – dust with icing sugar and cut into squares. Which you’ll then devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Julia Meatlouis-Dreyfus

12 days of Festivus for the rest of us, Main

I know it is only day 9 and I know Julia Louis-Dreyfus is neither the inventor of Festivus nor Jerry ma’fucking Seinfeld – but after catching up with Jase, Heids, Barns, Liz, Way-Way, Mick, Pat and John – but today is the jewel in the crown … that is the savoury portion of our 12 days of Festivus celebrations.

Off topic, but did reading that sentence make you picture a big green underline telling me to consider a fragment. Because it felt like it did but I can’t really be bothered dealing with it. So soz.

Despite the ban from Lorne Michaels, I was lucky enough to meet Jules on the set of Saturday Night Live and well, we just clicked. I don’t know it was our foul mouths, our shared sense of humour or the fact we didn’t click with similar people with few exceptions *coughs* Heidi *coughs*, but we quickly became the best of friends and I’ve guided her career from the start all the way through to her record breaking Emmy success on Veep.

Given poor Jules is still undergoing treatment for breast cancer, I made an exception to the ‘everyone comes to me unless it requires time-travel’ rule, and headed over to whip her up a warming festivus dinner in the comfort of her own home. FYI she is doing really well and is a testament to a good attitude making a world of difference.

Now I know I said Jules was the jewel in our festivus crown … but I never actually said the meal was classy. In any way, shape or form. But let’s be honest, how do you have festivus without a traditional Julia Meatlouis-Dreyfus.

 

 

Warmly ensconced in a hug from some fresh iceberg lettuce, this meatloaf is actually hella tasty. And dare I say it, a classy version of the Costanza classic. If meatloaf can ever be considered classy. Which I think it can be.

Enjoy!

 

 

Julia Meatlouis-Dreyfus
Serves: 8 angry family members airing their grievances.

Ingredients
1kg beef mince
1 onion, diced
1 ½ cups panko breadcrumbs
1 egg, whisked
5 garlic cloves, crushed
1 zucchini, grated
2 carrots, peeled, grated
handful baby spinach, roughly chopped
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
2 tbsp tomato paste
1 tbsp, wait for it, chilli flakes
small handful fresh flat-leaf parsley leaves, roughly chopped
small handful oregano, roughly chopped
salt and pepper, to taste
¼ cup smokey barbecue sauce, for glazing
4 leaves iceberg lettuce, washed and dried, for wrapping the slab of meat

Method
Preheat oven to 160°C.

Combine everything but the sauce and lettuce in a large bowl, scrunching with your hands until well combined. Form into a large loaf-ish shape, place on a lined baking sheet and bake for an hour or so, or until firmed. Brush with the barbecue sauce and return to the oven for fifteen minutes, or until caramelised and delightful.

Remove from the oven and allow to rest for fifteen minutes before slicing and serving on a bed of lettuce. Why? Because that is what Estelle Costanza would do … before devouring.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Creamed John O’Hurleeks

12 days of Festivus for the rest of us, Side, Vegetarian

We’re rapidly approaching the pointy end of our 12 Days of Festivus celebrations *sighs whilst simultaneously taking a deep breath* after catching up with Jase, Heids, Barn, Liz, Wayne, Mike and Pat, so I thought it was high time to charge our final side dish on the Peterman account.

Yas bish, my dear friend John O’Hurley is today’s guest of honour.

While I didn’t meet John-John until he walked onto the Seinfeld set, our friendship was instantaneous. Sure sharing the same sense of humour helped that cause, it was our passion for talking like a game-show announcer that truly brought us together.

Now while that eventually lead to a massive falling out after he got the host role on To Tell The Truth – “Just tell me John, the truth, why did you go behind my fucking back,” I screamed before lunging at him and pulling him in a pool La La Land slash Dynasty style – we were brought back together by my dear friend Kelly Monaco who creamed him in the first season of Dancing with the Stars.

Just don’t tell him it was me that rigged the show in her favour.

In any event, I like to rub that loss in as often as possible – “Oh calm down Johnny, I’m just joking. I got over you snatching my game show!” – so always whip up some Creamed John O’Hurleeks whenever he is in town.

 

 

I feel it is kind of redundant to tease this baby given the majesty of the ingredients list, but let me just say, this side is perfection. It is also probably really bad for your cholesterol … but choose your choice, you do you boo, etc.

Enjoy!

 

 

Creamed John O’Hurleeks
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
2 tbsp butter
4 leeks, thinly sliced
1 cup chicken stock
1 cup cream
salt and pepper, to taste
cayenne pepper, to taste

Method
Melt the butter in a skillet over medium heat until foamy. Add the leeks and cook for 15 minutes until softened and sweet. Add the stock, reduce heat to low and simmer for half an hour, stirring occasionally.

Stir through the cream, salt, pepper and cayenne and cook for a further fifteen minutes, or until gloriously reduced. Serve immediately and then devour, greedily.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Kilpatrick Warbeantons

12 days of Festivus for the rest of us, Side

While I have to try and spread out the core four in our 12 days of Festivus celebrations – you know, after catching up with Jase, Heidi, Barney, Liz, Wayne and Michael – and today doesn’t feature one of them, Patrick Warburton sure does tick the box for an awesome dinner companion.

I first met Pat whilst a part of Jamie Lee Curtis’ entourage. He was guesting on her allegedly hit sitcom Anything But Love in the early ‘90s. The title, of course, acted as a massive irony as we fell deeply in love. While it didn’t work out, we remained the closest of friends and I vowed to make his barry-tones famous.

When the role of Puddy came up, I knew he was the only person for the part. They were casting The Tick, I gave him a call. Walt needed someone to carry The Emperor’s New Groove with Eartha Kitt, I (made sure he) was there, like the Baywatch team would have you believe.

Given the fact he’s been super busy with A Series of Unfortunate Events, Pat and I haven’t been able to see of much as each other as we’d like. It was such a treat to be able to take the time, at festivus, to reconnect and reminisce over the supporting embrace of my star supporting player, Kilpatrick Warbeantons.

 

 

Oysters, natures snot, make me feel sick but I must admit, the concept of kilpatrick makes them sounds marginally more appealing. But I mean, how exactly can you go wrong by adding bacon and/or cheese to any occasion. The answer is, you can’t.

Enjoy!

 

 

Kilpatrick Warbeantons
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
4 rashers streaky bacon, finely diced
500g beans, top and tailed
2 tbsp passata
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp Tabasco
salt and pepper, to taste
3 tbsp parmesan, finely grated

Method
Heat a frying pan over medium heat and cook the bacon until crispy. Remove the bacon from the pan and drain the oil on some kitchen towel.

Add the beans to the greasy pan and cook, stirring, until vibrant in colour but still crunchy.

Remove from the heat, toss through the passata, Worcestershire and Tabasco with a good whack of salt and pepper. Transfer to a bowl, top with bacon and parmesan, and devour, giddily.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Potato Michaelline Richards

12 days of Festivus for the rest of us, Side, Vegetarian

We’ve reached the halfway point of our 12 days of Festivus celebrations, and I thought that after kicking things off with Jase – yes, this is just an excuse for a shameless plug for our previous recipes – before going to the portrayers of smaller characters like Heidi, Barney, Liz and Wayne, it was high time I caught up with another member of the core four.

And there is no one more core to Seinfeld than Michael Richards. Well, outside of the other three leads, obvi.

I first met Mick while working together on Fridays. Fun fact: I was the one that encouraged him to carry the cue-cards out to Andy Kaufman leading to the infamous drink throwing incident. While we fell out of touch in the years that followed, I was thrilled to see him again on the Seinfeld set.

Despite having another falling out after the laugh factory incident in 2006, Kirstie Alley helped us reconnect while he was working on her 2013 sitcom and we’ve been renewed friends ever since.

He was so excited to drop over for Festivus that he also knocked my apartment door off its hinges on arrival – classic Kramer style.

“What are we doing? Where are we going? What are we eating? Who are we seeing?”

For a second, I felt that I’d managed to finally crack the code and travel to alternate dimensions and into tv and films, due to Kramer-esque energy. Turns out, he was just hella excited to see me and down a vat full of Potato Michaelline Richards.

 

 

Uuuuuggggghhhhh – I hear you grown. How many versions of mashed potato can one anthropological patch of cyberspace have? A) Screw you and b) dickloads. I mean, creamy gooey potato on the inside, crisp and golden on the outside? This is perfection, damnit.

Enjoy!

 

 

Potato Michaelline Richards
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1.5kg potatoes, peeled and quartered
salt and pepper, to taste
¾ cup milk
50g unsalted butter
½ cup parmesan, grated
1 cup thickened cream, whipped to soft peaks

Method
Heat the oven to 120°C.

Bring the potatoes to the boil in a large saucepan over high heat with a good pinch of salt. When rollicking, reduce heat to medium-low and simmer, half-covered, until they are tender but not sodden, about 10 minutes. Drain the potatoes and return to the still hot pan and stir until any excess water has evaporated and they’re no longer steaming.

Mash thoroughly, or put in a stand mixer on medium with the paddle attachment, until the potato is completely smooth. Stir in the butter, milk and parmesan until combined and the butter completely melted slash incorporated. Gently old through the whipped cream, being careful not to lose too much air. Season, transfer to a medium baking dish and bake for half an hour, or until heated through and just started to crisp and get golden on top.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Wayne Friknightta

12 days of Festivus for the rest of us, Breakfast, Main, Side, Snack

After a couple of days hanging with some of the lesser characters of the Seinfeld universe – no offense Heids, Barn and Liz, but you’re no Jase – I decided to work my way back up to the big guns by dropping by my dearest friend, Wayne Knight.

Yes ladies and gentleman – it’s NEWMAN.

I first met Way-Way, while working together on Dirty Dancing – yes, I dated Pat. We both have a similar sense of humour and hit it off instantly. When I passed on playing Newman, Jerry was so stressed about finding someone that could do it justice … until I brought in Wayne.

Given that he didn’t get a call-up to reprise his Jurassic role in the upcoming sequel – in my version of the screenplay, he survived the attack and ruled the island – he was free as a bird to drop by and celebrate the holidays.

He jumped in the mail van, loaded it up with bottles and cans to take advantage of Queensland’s new recycling scheme … only to discover he couldn’t actually drive over here. NEWMAN!

After that absolute schmozzle, he grabbed a flight and we were able to catch-up slash air our grievances – like why there isn’t a bridge connecting California with Australia like Mr Peanutbutter’s on Bojack – while annihilating a big old Wayne Friknightta.

 

 

Christmas is a time for booze and comfort food (even if it is balls hot like in Australia), and this is the perfect comfort dish for when you’ve enjoyed one too many libations. I mean, carby rich potato,  … – how can you go wrong?

Enjoy!

 

 

Wayne Friknightta
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
6 large eggs
1 cup ricotta
¼ cup grated parmesan
1 tbsp chilli flakes
salt and pepper, to taste
6 rasher of streaky bacon, roughly diced
3 boiled potatoes, quartered
1 sweet potato, peeled, boiled and cut into chunks
500g baby spinach, washed, dried and roughly chopped

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Whisk the eggs, ricotta, parmesan and chilli in a large bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper. Set aside.

Heat a skillet over medium heat and cook the bacon, stirring, until crisp and golden. Remove from the heat and drain on some kitchen towel. Wilt the spinach in the still hot pan off the heat.

Place the potatoes – both kinds, obvi – in a baking dish and gently stir through the bacon and spinach. Pour over the cheesy egg mixture, top with some additional parmesan before baking for 20-30 minutes, or until cooked through and golden on top.

Allow to rest, if you can, before devouring.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Chorlizo Sherriedan

12 days of Festivus for the rest of us, Party Food, Side, Snack, Tapas

After spending the day reminiscing with Barns yesterday – after kicking the 12 days of Festivus off with Jase and Heids earlier in the week – I thought it was time to reach out to my frenemy Liz Sheridan and put an end to our feud once and for all.

I mean, why can’t we have a Festivus miracle.

You see, Liz famously dated James Dean way back when until he ‘went off to work in a successful play.’ The play he was in, was actually a player … and that player was me. This set off an epic feud that lasted decades, culminating in a brutal fist fight in the set of Jerry’s apartment.

Barney being Barney, he tried to help us sort through our issues and put an end to the drama. While he was successful at moving us into the realm of frenemies, our relationship has never been the best.

While she was a bit hesitant to take me up on the offer, I eventually wore her down … and boy am I grateful.

We laughed, we cried and we finally worked through all our dramas by airing grievances, finishing the date holding each other, grateful for our renewed friendship … and the big bowl of Chorlizo Sherriedan we devoured.

 

 

Meaty, sweet and a little bit boozed, this baby is the perfect way to both honour our mutual ex and set us on the path to renewed friendship. In a festive manner, of course.

Enjoy!

 

 

Chorlizo Sherriedan
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
500g chorizo, thickly sliced
¼ cup sherry
1 tbsp muscovado sugar

Method
Heat a frying pan over medium heat and cook the chorizo for a couple of minutes or until crisp and starting to char.

Add the sherry and muscovado and sook for a further couple of minutes, stirring to coat, until the liquor has reduced to create a sticky coating.

Devour as part of a tapas selection … or on their meaty lonesome.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Barney Marnhattan

12 days of Festivus for the rest of us, Drink

After kicking the 12 days of Festivus off on a joyous note with the divine Jason Alexander and then being brought back down to earth when checking in with the deceased Susan Ross’ portrayer Heids, I opted to whip out the time machine and check in with my dearly-departed pal Barney Martin.

While he was technically the second man to play Jerry’s dad, Barns will forever be the Morty in my heart.

I first met Barney on the set of The Golden Girls in the ‘80s and we became the fastest of friends, which led to me putting his name forward when they needed to recast Morts. I also got him cast on Full House with Cand as a gag.

As is oft the case when venturing back to hang with friends that have past, it was both uplifting and melancholic. Though it was exciting to pop on our best Morty Floridian shirts, have a laugh and enjoy a very, very festive Barney Marnhattan.

 

 

As my rapidly bloating liver can attest, 90% of Christmas is drinking so I couldn’t go past adding another festively flavour tipple on the menu. But seriously, how can you go wrong with the sticky sweet cherry and some bitters.

You can’t, so enjoy!

 

 

Barney Marnhattan
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
ice
2 ½ shots of bourbon
1 shot vermouth
a hearty dash bitters
maraschino cherries, to taste

Method
Fill a glass with ice.

Pour over the bourbon, vermouth and bitters.

Stir.

Add cherries.

Down.

Repeat.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.