Benoffee Affleck Pie

Baking, Dessert, Pie, Sweets

Even with us both currently sober – my birthday led to an arrest and court-ordered AA, what of it? – my cheeky B-squared reunion with Benny Affleck was completely off the chain!

Seriously … how is that possible? Is this old age? Is drinking not, shudder, required for a good time? Actually, don’t answer that … I’d rather not know.

Anyway … I obviously met Benny – and Matt – while attending Cambridge Rindge and Latin High School in the 80s. I, again obviously, immediately spotted their talents and quickly moulded them into the writer/director/actors that you know and love day.

Unless you’re Jimmy Kimmel / Matt Damon … but that isn’t a prob for my boy Benny.

As I mentioned, I’ve tried to keep my distance with Benny for the last year or so given the scandalo with nannies … on account of my past work as a nanny and off the charts sex-appeal.

Thankfully his reunion with Jen means that I can up my profile and celebrate his Gone Girl – and pitch Tina Fey’s Tyler Perry sequel, Girl I thought you were goneBatman vs. Superman nudity and enquire about the prospect of Justice League shower scenes.

With that, I needed something to sweeten the deal and cut through my thirst, so settled on our favourite Benoffee Affleck Pie.

 

 

Be warned, this is insanely sweet. And I mean, insanely sweet – which is great to counter thirst, FYI – but make no mistake, banoffee is always a win. Plus, the banana means it’s healthy and the cream kind of cuts through the caramel.

You can’t go past that – enjoy!

 

 

Benoffee Affleck Pie
Serves: 2 Boston boys … 8-12.

Ingredients
200g muscovado sugar
200g butter, plus 75g for the crust
2 x 400g can condensed milk
200g butternut crunch biscuits … or digestives or something of that ilk, but butternut crunch are amazing, crushed
4 bananas, sliced on the diagonal
400ml double cream, whipped until soft peaks form

Method
Start by making the toffee by combining the sugar and 200g of butter in a saucepan over medium heat and stir until combined and the sugar dissolves. Slowly stir in the condensed milk and bring to the boil, stirring continuously until the mixture thickens, gets darker and smells like caramel. Remove from the heat and allow to cool.

While that is cooling, blitz the biscuits in a food processor and melt the remaining butter. Combine, press into a pie dish and transfer to the freezer for fifteen minutes or so to kinda-sorta-semi-set.

Reserve about a quarter of a cup of caramel. Add half of the bananas to the remaining mixture, quickly stir and pour into the pie dish.

Whip the cream, and pour/layer on top of the caramel banana mixture. Arrange the remaining banana on top … and then drizzle over more caramel. Because why not?

Devour.

 

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Argo fuck yourself

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

I feel like I was a bit of a dippy downer last week, in processing my grief about Phil’s death and my rapid ageing.

As such, I decided that my 30s should be a more positive decade and that I should kick off the catch-ups of my 30-somethings on a happier note – hanging with my dear Ben Affleck celebrating his reunion with Jenny Garns.

Given the fact I was in my 20s and was a one-time nanny, I thought it best to stay away and save him the temptation, so we haven’t caught up in a few years.

What says I’m thankful we’re free to catch-up, now that I’m over the hill?

Image source: Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Philly Collins Cheesesteak

Main, Party Food, Snack

It was always going to be an awkward start to my peace feast with Phil, what with the viral infection injection thing. Oh, and the whole gag I sold to South Park about his obsession with his Oscar – FYI, that was totally true and I’m 30% sure he had it on him when he dropped by – and well, I can’t talk about everything else I’ve done to him due to the lingering lawsuits and payouts.

Just trust me when I say that Phil was on the receiving end of one of my top ten most vicious moments.

But then it wasn’t awkward, not even at all. Time apparently heals all wounds as Phil took me in his arms as soon as he walked into the house. I cried, he cried, then he sobbed, I pretended to sob to avoid it being awkward and then I apologised.

Literally two minutes in and my epic apology monologue – it rivalled Cersei’s revenge monologue for epicness – wasn’t even needed. Thankfully I’ve burnt a lot of bridges so I’ll be able to use it again, I’m sure.

Phil has been super busy since coming out … of retirement early last year, remastering his old albums, writing new material and planning a tour. Oh and he signed a book deal and will be releasing his autobiography in October … and when I heard that, everything became clear – he wants me to ghostwrite the book.

While I’m pretty pissed he expects me to plug it out in a mere matter of months, given the countless ways I ruined his life I really couldn’t say no. Plus, at least I can manage my image in the story, you know?

Either way, Phil got a ghostwriter, I got some undeserved forgiveness and we both rekindled our friendship over my famed – and his favourite – Philly Collins Cheesesteak.

 

philly-collins-cheesesteak-1

 

I’ve made no secret of my love for warm meat, slathered in creamy cheese … but these really get me salivating. I mean, tender slices of steak on a soft pillowy bun and cheese, my favourite, cheese – it doesn’t get any better. Oh yeah, it does – sweet onions, earthy mushrooms, hot mustard and peppers.

It really does get better – enjoy!

 

philly-collins-cheesesteak-2

 

Philly Collins Cheesesteak
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
6 hoagie rolls
6-12 slices provolone
1kg loin steaks, trimmed and sliced into thin strips
olive oil
salt and pepper, to taste
1 tbsp worcestershire sauce
hot english mustard

Sauteed mushrooms
2tbsp unsalted butter
500g button mushrooms, roughly chopped
salt and pepper, to taste

Caramelised onions
2 tbsp unsalted butter
2 large brown onions, thinly sliced
salt and pepper, you guessed it – to taste!

Peppers aka capsicum
2 tbsp olive oil
1 green capsicum, thinly sliced
1 red capsicum, thinly sliced
1/16 tbsps of salt and precisely 6.3g freshly ground black pepper, but seriously … to taste

Method
Place the steak in the freezer for about half an hour while you get to work on all of the other elements.

Start with the mushrooms and melt the butter in a frying pan over high heat until foamy. Reduce heat to medium, add the mushrooms and cook until they are soft, silky and browned.

Then move to the onions and start again by melting the butter over high heat until foamy. Reduce the heat, this time to low, and cook the onions slowly until they are soft and caramelised – about half an hour. Keep an eye on the onions, but move on to the peppers now, ok?

In another pan – how many pans do I expect you to own? Maybe decant the mushrooms to a dish and keep warm, wipe out the mushroom pan and heat, this time the oil, over high heat. Add the capsicums and stir-fry for a minute or so, or until they are soft and vibrant.

Now that they are sorted, remove the steak from the freezer and slice very thinly. Heat a griddle over high heat, brush with oil and cook for about a minute per side. Remove to a dish, pour over the worcestershire, season and keep warm.

Now for the fun to start – split the hoagies, butter generously (if you like heat) with hot english mustard, spoon in mushrooms, onions and peppers, top with the piping hot meat and layer with cheese. Hopefully your cheese will melt from the heat more than mine did, but hey it is cold for Brisbane at the moment.

Then, don’t think twice – devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Coming back to me, against all odds

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

So I’ve been seeing a lot of buses promoting the upcoming Legend of Tarzan movie and in addition to being wildly aroused, it got me feeling all nostalgic about my dear frenemy Phil Collins.

While we started off as close friends after co-writing In the Air Tonight in ‘81, we haven’t spoken after a period of ugliness in the late 90s/early 00s – he deemed my contribution to You’ll Be in My Heart non-existent and had my name struck from the credit (losing me yet another Oscar) and in revenge I injected a virus into an ear causing him to become partially deaf.

Don’t worry, sadly the wonders of 00s medicine cured the deafness … so really, I don’t get why he chose to hold a grudge?

Anyway, if OITNB taught me anything it is that life is too short and knowing that I’ll be seeing a couple of hours of Skarsy’s naked torso in a matter of weeks, I decided to reach out and spread my preemptive joy with Phil, and finally end our feud.

Shockingly, he agreed to drop by!

What says sorry I tried to ruin your career and end your passion by making you deaf in revenge for removing my name from the credit of our Oscar winning song that I didn’t contribute to in the slightest?

Picture source: AP Photo/Alan Diaz.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

LIVE BLOG: The 88th Annual Academy Awards – Oscars 2016

Live Blog, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold MMXVI: Gold Interrupted, TV Recap

9:00 PST
Coming in just on time – God has (ironically enough) presented Spotlight with the Best Picture gong … proving, once again, that I am psychic!

Well done to all the winners, most of you my closest friends – can’t wait to catch-up soon!

8:59 PST
Classic Leo – class and causes, well done … I’ll ignore the fact you’re the only person not to be played off.

8:54 PST
Harvey Weinstein will be devastated he blew his money trying to continue the Loser Leo memes.

Well done Leo, you beautiful bastard – it truly has been too long!

The standing ovation is going to push this thing overtime.

8:47 PST
Brie is such a doll and I desperately need to catch-up with her ASAP.

I am so sad Room won’t win Best Picture.

8:44 PST
Best Actress and my psychic ability is safe.

Let me beat Eddie to it – congratulations Brie!

8:39 PST
And The Revenant is making a comeback at the expense of my psychic ability and poor little Georgie.

It is deserved and I love him, but I decided I am going with Aussie pride an hour or so ago, so am now sad.

8:37 PST
We are back to checking my psychic ability with the presentation of Best Director …

8:27 PST
Ugh, as much as I hate Sam Smith, Kate Winslet’s fist-pumping makes the win tolerable.

And his shout-out to the LGBT community is always a win … despite him not being anywhere close to being the first openly gay man to win an Oscar.

8:24 PST
OG song – can The Weeknd shame D-Bag Foster?

8:23 PST
My boy Quincy is in the house – I really need to catch-up with him soon!

He is presenting Best Original Score, again something I win in 2036. This year, it was taken out by The Hateful Eight, bagging dear Ennio Morricone his first competitive Oscar.

8:13 PST
Ok … but she can sing.

8:10 PST
Joe was bide-n his time with me in the green room while we discussed future policies and HRC’s odds on Super Tuesday.

He begged me to get involved with this year’s election, so stay tuned.

Back to the Oscars though, Lady Gaga’s transition to the film and television industry is fetch … in that it is not going to happen (if I can stop it … K DUNST FOREVER).

8:09 PST
Who am I kidding? Sofia Vergara is charming enough to get away with Travolta-ing a name. But she won’t, because she is a boss.

Well done to Son of Sa-ool. I jinxed her, didn’t I. At least hers is because of an accent, amirite Adele Dazeem?

8:06 PST
Bringing the adorable pre-teen charm, Jacob and Abraham are back to present Best Live Action Short Film.

They are probably the only people that could get away with Travolta-ing a name tonight.

Off topic, Jacob is giving me Room flashbacks and now I’m more depressed than In Memoriam and Bing Bong’s (snubbed) suicide combined.

Well done to the team behind Stutterer.

7:59 PST
I just counted at least 20 exes in the In Memoriam segment.

Oh, and Bing Bong was excluded.

7:54 PST
Chez is here and is giving a rousing speech about equality – I can’t even make jokes about her.

7:50 PST
Gena, Spike and my love, Debbie fucking Reynolds are here and I couldn’t be happier.

7:43 PST
Amy
, as I knew, has taken out Best Documentary Feature.

It was presented by the girl who stole my role in the new Star Wars film and the babe who Judi Dench hooked me up with on the set of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.

7:40 PST
Louis C.K. is here to present Best Documentary Short and is acknowledging that this is the most meaningful of the awards, sorry Leo.

Well done to the team behind A Girl in the River: The Price of Forgiveness.

Sharmeen, we need to catch-up soon!

7:32 PST
Um … what? I can’t believe I got one wrong. Mark was very deserving and I love him (I was a fluffer on Intimacy), but we missed the chance to struggle through another Sly speech!

7:28 PST
Patty has arrived, so that means only one thing – Best Supporting Actor.

Hopefully they invested in some subtitles for Sly.

7:15 PST
I am back to being shocked that The Weeknd is the sole nominee from 50 Shades of Grey.

7:12 PST
And now shocking nobody, Inside Out has won the Oscar for Best Animated Feature.

RIP Bing Bong – I will protest if you’re excluded from the In Memoriam segment.

7:08 PST
I am shocked Mad Max didn’t win for Best Animated Short.

Bear Story looks cute though, I just feel Mad Max was more deserving.

7:06 PST
I requested pizza, but cookies purchased for me by countless ex-lovers is pretty damn good.

7:03 PST
Guess it is time to end my feud with Shonda.

7:00 PST
Jason Segel and Olivia Munn are an odd pair, until you realise they aren’t – I am trying for a threesome later.

Hopefully they have caught the Aussie fever too?

6:55 PST
Serkis presented Ex Machina with the win for Visual Effects, meaning Mad Max has another person who can feel awkward about not winning.

In positive news, Mad Max has officially become the most awarded film of the 88th Annual Academy Awards … an hour and a half into the seventeen hour broadcast.

6:54 PST
My ex-lover Andy Serkis is on stage. I had a Gollum fetish and when he was out of the motion-capture suit, he lost his appeal.

6:52 PST
Sound Mixing? Yep … Mad Max.

I am totally picking up tonight, Hollywood is loving Aussies.

The Revenant is 1 from 7, Mad Max is 6 from 7. Awkward for their Cinematographer, amirite?

6:49 PST
Sorry, I should reiterate … I am psychic.

Fun fact: The Revenant are currently 1 for 6.

6:48 PST
Sound Editing, another subject I know nothing about but win an Oscar for in 2036 (I win 13 individual awards and go down in history).

I’m going out on a limb and announcing Mad Max before they do.

6:47 PST
Chris is doing a great job … but I would love for him to spring for a pizza like Ellen.

6:41 PST
Editing gives Mad Max its fourth win for the evening.

I think Stacey Dash was a joke. Whether she was in on it, is questionable.

6:37 PST
So while they give out the Achievement in Cinematography Award to The Revenant (finally getting on the board tonight), I’m going to continue looking into whether the Stacey Dash bit was a joke.

I’m really concerned guys and you should be too.

6:27 PST
Make-up and hairstyling have made it an early hat-trick for Mad Max. Glad my fellow Gold Coast girl Margot was able to bring them some more Aussie pride.

Wake me when George is on stage or robbed by Alejandro (whom I love, despite the below slight.

6:24 PST
Jenny Beavan has taken out Best Costume design and I noticed Alejandro giving her side eye for the jacket I designed.

I am crushed.

I have no idea what exactly Production Design is, but I win the Oscar for it in 2036. I assume I am mentored by tonight’s winners, Colin Gibson and Lisa Thompson?

6:18 PST
Cate is on stage so I’m currently in the green room looking for booze, giving Chris a pep talk and just being a dominant force of nature.

I wish you got to experience the glamour, it is great!

6:13 PST
I feel like the scrolling ‘Thank you’ section isn’t actually cutting the speeches down?

6:12 PST
Best Supporting Actress time, welcome to the Oscar winner club Alicia! For the record, I’m currently 3 for 3.

6:06 PST
My falsetto is better. Also, why are they cropping me out of frame whenever they show Cate?

6:02 PST
Sam Smith is singing and once again, I am yawning.

I’m ducking out for a Double Double, be back soon.

6:00 PST
Um, was the Stacey Dash bit meant to be a joke?

5:51 PST
Adapted Screenplay is up with Ryan Gosling continuing his run as a comedian.

And Anchorman‘s snubbing is redeemed – well done, The Big Short!

5:46 PST
First award of the night is up, Original Screenplay. I win this in 2036 for Little Whorephan Andy.

Well done, Spotlight!

5:36 PST
I added the Jada jokes – she knows what she did.

5:32 PST
Chris is looking great and is going to do such a great job.

Remember when I helped with the script?

5:28 PST
It’s show time!

5:15 PST
Leo and Kate are adorable. On that note, he could have fit and Rose is a murderer.

Lady Gaga looks good and I think that is more disappointing than the fact that she is a nominee tonight.

5:05 PST
Fassbender looks great but makes me want to nap. Not just because of Shame.

My nemesis Reece Witherspoon looks good and that makes me sad.

4:55 PST
Rachel McAdams is beautiful in emerald, reminding us that she was robbed for Mean Girls.

Julie Moore is confusing me in Chanel.

4:41 PST
Heidi Klum is terrifying in my mother’s 90s sheer curtains, with some added side boob.

4:33 PST
Now returning down-under, Cate Blanchett’s gown is a floral ode to my bird phobia, sea foam, scary and stunning. 5 stars.

Naomi Watts is beautifully dressed as navy fish, again, in a good way.

Meanwhile in the northern hemisphere, Tilda SwintonSandy Powell is currently winning Best Dressed coming in costume as David Bowie.

4:24 PST
Bryan Cranston is breaking me, bad, in his tux.

4:17 PST
Margot Robbie slaying the carpet, putting the gold in Gold Coast girl.

Rooney Mara bringing the skin and killing it.

Best Actress (soon-to-be)winner Brie Larson has arrived in a stunning Gucci gown, with accessories styled by Sylvester Stallone in character as Rocky.

Jacob Tremblay is reportedly infuriated by her slight.

4:07 PST
Olivia Munn looking exquisite in Stella McCartney. Classic, simple, perfect – 5 stars.

4:05 PST
Common has just arrived in an #OscarsSoWhite tux by D&G.

4:00 PST
Eddie Redmayne, looking to claim back-to-back Best Actor trophies, is looking dapper on the red carpet in Alexander McYasQueen.

I know where I want to find his fantastic beast later tonight – 4.5 stars.

3:55 PST
Saoirse Ronan who I trained to be a horrible person for Atonement has hit the red carpet and is being charming – I have no idea what she is saying, but I love her so I don’t care.

Looking stunning in an Irish green custom Calvin – 4 stars.

3:51 PST
Olivia Wilde, whom I met and became close with on the set of The O.C. has just arrived on the red carpet in Valentino.

She has described it as fun, I describe it as a glamorous version of a fireman’s outfit (think Samantha in the fire house in SATC) crossed with nipple-tape.

3:35 PST
Whoopi has hit the carpet, looking stunning. Sadly the banana shoes didn’t make the cut.

3:33 PST
Jacob Tremblay is literally the only person shorter than Seacrest.

By a matter of inches.

3:30 PST
Sofia Vergara looks like a dignified version of tit soup in the Playboy episode of Sex and the City.

That is meant as a compliment – 3.5 stars.

3:27 PST
Scrap that – hope her publicist is giving her the 50 bucks for making her turn on me.

If she doesn’t win, this will start a feud – mark my words.

3:23 PST
Best Supporting Actress front runner Alicia Vikander just earned 50 bucks by snubbing Seacrest in her beautiful Louis Vuitton gown – 4 stars.

Such a great person to have in my squad!

3:21 PST
Sam Smith – yawn. Go to In’n’Out.

3:16 PST
My divine friend Mindy Kaling is envious of my busy schedule today – she too will enjoy success one day, I am sure.

She is looking anything but disgust-ing on the red carpet though!

3:11 PST
My ex-collaborator Adam McKay has just arrived and is totally banging.

Will The Academy make up for snubbing him for the Anchorman saga?

Hot tip: Aaron and I think he will win for his screenplay for The Big Short.

3:01 PST
Gena Rowlands is here and is such a doll and her lifetime achievement award is so well deserved.

We first met on the set of A Woman Under the Influence, where I taught her how to be under the influence.

2:50 PST
Thank you for joining the carpet Independent Spirit Award winner, Abraham Attah from Beasts of No Nation!

He is 30 years Seacrest’s junior, but 2 feet taller.

2:47 PST
So I forgot how much of a snooze the early part of the red carpet was. Between Dickie trying to kiss me and Gu handing out markers to colour in her gown, I am so bored.

Please follow me on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+, and give me a reason to look at my phone and avoid chit chat with these people!

2:41 PST
Brad and Ange’s kids drew the flowers on Giuliana Rancic’s dress. Two stars.

2:36 PST
Richard Wilkins just tried to make out with me. Um, Richard, we haven’t done that in like four years.

Can people start arriving so this gets less awkward?

2:31
PST
Best part of working the red carpet? Looking tall by standing near Ryan Seacrest. Tonight he is dressed by Pumpkin Patch.

2:27 PST
We are live! We are betting on Cate and Brie tying for best dressed – Cate looks stunning (I am her date) and Brie looked great at the fitting I attended with her. I wonder how Seacrest will offend them?

Sly will look like a total babe.

What are your predictions?


 

Happy Oscars day everyone!

Hollywood’s night of nights is finally upon us and a new batch of recipients are about to be awarded one of the world’s highest honours – don’t even try and pretend that this isn’t true.

As I announced on Friday, I’m trying something new to Fame Hungry – the 88th Annual Academy Awards live blog, providing you with the insider gossip from an industry stalwart and close friend of 99% of The Academy.

I don’t mean to gloat or make you feel lazy, but this blogging effort will be amongst my numerous commitments for the day, which include but are not limited to, hosting the red carpet specials on E!, Bravo, ABC, Retirement Living, Dish Nation, The CW and Briz 31, styling Richard Wilkins’ hair for the Australian Today show, acting as Ruffalo’s double when the ceremony starts to drag, attending as Cate’s date and doctoring Chris’ script from the green room.

I will also be feuding with Gugu-B Rancid, but who isn’t?

So strap in and keep your mouse close to the refresh button as I take you inside the Oscars!

Image source: The Academy.

Oscar Gold

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, Oscar Gold

Awards season is about to reach its crescendo and over the last few weeks Annelie and I have tossing around the idea of reinstating our famous Oscars Party.

We used to co-host with Elton back in the late nineties but had a huge feud over something none of us remember or care about anymore (all we know is that we will always be the staunchest of rivals) and stopped participating in that side of the awards season.

You know, the side that raises money for charity via party.

Last week’s catch-up with Alicia reminded us of our (inevitably going to be achieved) ambition to be EGOT winners and we thought the best way to get the O (not you, Oprah…yet) rolling was to invite a bunch of our closest friends/past winners over and reminisce about our friendships.

We will also discuss any future Oscar-bait projects we could work on together.

So in honour of the season, sit back and enjoy the show. Maybe it would work if we made a film about our party, Oscar Gold? With Meryl playing both Annelie and I, obviously.

Picture source: Toby Canham/Getty Images.