When Harry Met Sally

Megg Nog Ryan

14th Annual Easter Meggstravaganza, Drink

Now in it’s 14th year – and the fourth one that is being documented on this anthropological patch of cyberspace – Megs and I assumed the ceremonial cloaks and get straight down to whipping up an eggy sacrifice to give her career new life.

We were both so hopeful that last year was going to be her year after her directorial debut Ithaca, but it didn’t register a blip on the Oscars radar and no offers rolled in despite another potential employment stream.

“Ben, bless you! We don’t need to keep going until the shaman’s ritual limit of 15. I’m happy with where and I, and knowing how fiercely you love me is more than enough to keep me going.

“You’re my prize Ben. You’re my A-list.”

Like, of course I am, duh … but seriously, how sweet is Megsy? That is why I’ve persevered to get her back on top like Tyra. Not to be confused with the other (shit) Tyra.

Anyway, we donned our ceremonial cloaks, headed to the kitchen, chanting the incantation and kicked things off with a boozey, chill Megg Nog Ryan.

 

 

While I will agree that Egg Nog is a festive drink, I would argue that there is nothing more festive or important than the Meggstravaganza. Spiced and potent, there is no better way to summon the spirits of the Hollywood Gods … and dull the pain of Monday.

Enjoy!

 

 

Megg Nog Ryan
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
4 eggs, separated
⅓ cup raw caster sugar, plus an extra tablespoon
2 cups milk
1 cup double cream
1 tsp nutmeg
½ tsp cinnamon
½ cup bourbon

Method
Beat the egg yolks in a stand mixer with the ⅓ cup sugar until completely dissolved and glossy. Set aside.

Meanwhile combine the milk, cream, nutmeg and cinnamon and bring to the boil, stirring occasionally. Remove from the heat and slowly whisk half a cup of the mixture into the sugary yolk. Once combined and free of curdling, slowly whisk back into the warm, milky mixture and cook over low heat until the mixture reaches 70C. Remove from heat, whisk in the bourbon, cover and transfer to the fridge to chill.

When you’re ready to serve, whisk the egg whites with the remaining sugar until stiff peaks form. Fold through the yolk mixture until well combined. Transfer to glasses, sprinkle with some extra nutmeg and down. Until everything feels groovy. Because I’m now in The Brady Bunch, it seems.

 

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Meggs Benedict Ryan

13th Annual Easter Meggstravaganza, Breakfast

I know I came off like a sad sack on Saturday, but it just breaks my heart so completely to think that Megs hasn’t returned to her 80s-90s glory. The woman is a damn saint and deserves it … more than anyone!

Anyone.

I was so sure that Ithaca would be her ticket back last year but sadly it barely registered on anyone’s radars. I’m not saying it deserved to be the third movie involved in the Best Picture brouhaha of 2017 … but I’m not not saying it either.

Once again, Megs was an absolute delight and downplayed the necessity of the catch-up.

“Ben – you don’t have to do this, honestly, you’ve tried. Maybe I’m not meant to be on the A-list anymore.”

Um … over my dead body Megs!

“Plus my dear, sweet Ben – I can’t be the first person to have a hat trick of dates on your highly-lauded, prestigious, future-award-winning and meaningful anthropological documentation of your close, personal relationships with celebrities told in a culinary fashion.”

Again, it took a few hours and our wine went warm before she finally agreed to give the Meggstravaganza another shot!

But honestly, who could refuse a freshly cooked Meggs Benedict Ryan?

 

 

I know the ritual only calls for five celebs, but I figured whipping up a gang bang of celebrity recipes to make Eggs Benedict could not hurt.

Plus there is nothing than a fresh benny served on Jon English Muffins with a tart heaping of Hollandaise Taylor.

To Meg, her career and the perfectly poached chicken period – enjoy!

 

 

Meggs Benedict Ryan
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
a dash of white vinegar
4 rashers of streaky bacon
handful of baby spinach
2 Jon English Muffins
avocado, mashed
1 quantity of Hollandaise Taylor
4 eggs

Method
Place a large pot of water and a dash of vinegar over high heat and bring to the boil.

While that is getting hot hot hot, heat a skillet over medium heat and fry the bacon until crispy. Remove to some paper towel and keep warm. Quickly wilt the baby spinach in the same pan, removing from the heat when done.

Split the muffins and toast and smear with avocado. You could use butter … but why? Top with some wilted spinach and bacon and leave to rest.

Also, whip up the Hollandaise Taylor as per the recipe.

When the water is boiling, reduce to a simmer and carefully crack the eggs into the water, folding the whites around the yolk with a slotted spoon to keep them beautiful and together. Cook until your desired doneness – which should be just completely cooked whites, FYI – and remove with a slotted spoon. Place on top of the bacon and drown the entire thing in hollandaise before devouring.

 

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Carrie Fisher’n’Chips

Main, Seafood

Oh my goodness – my stomach is in agony! No i’m not into some odd masturbatory technique, I just haven’t stopped laughing for the last 24 hours.

It was such a treat to have Carrie over and reenact a good / funny version of SaTC with the part of New York dutifully played by my kitchen / television.

As you know, we met in rehab and were bonded instantly due the fact we were both poised to be celebrated writers and we had complex relationships with our Hollywood mothers. While my issues stemmed from the fact that I was generally running a scam at their expense, Carrie grew up in the limelight of the Reynolds-Fisher dynasty and drama which gave her a very different childhood … and me a reason to befriend her to get to Debs to form an alliance against Liz.

Obviously she stole two of her husbands from me … but that is another story for another time.

So back on track, I quickly ingratiated myself with the Reynolds-Fishers (often despite Caz’s better judgement) and have been a confidante to Caz ever since, filling each other’s lives with so much joy and laughter.

I can’t say enough about how beautiful and close our friendship is.

As I mentioned and I’m sure Star TrekWars fans would be aware, Caz just wrapped on the latest movie and was completely pooped so relished the opportunity to pull up a seat next to me in our twin recliners and make sassy, forced, attention grabbing statements about the semi-clad swimmers who were dutifully flooding our basements.

To get us in the mood – or to be more accurate, out of it – I whipped up a batch of her favourite / my famous Carrie Fisher’n’Chips.

 

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I assume I’ve mentioned it ad nauseam, if not, I fucking hate seafood. Hate it. I mean, they live in their filth (even though someone rightfully argued that they live in a purifying saline solution). Anyway, Carrie loves a good ole Fish and Chips and given that she just wrapped her time in London, I had to make something to help her acclimate back into the real world.

With that, I went heavy with the chilli, lemon and lime to drown the flavour of fish and served it with crispy chips and a delightful harissa mayo that had me *shudder* liking seafood.

Enjoy!

 

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Carrie Fisher’n’Chips
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
8 pieces of hoki portions (I hate seafood, of course I’m going to buy pre-portioned)
2 eggs, whisked
1 cup plain flour
2 cups panko breadcrumbs
¼ cup flat-leaf parsley, finely chopped
1 tbsp chilli flakes
zest of one lime
vegetable oil
One serve of the chips from Friza Minnelli … I don’t think the Dolognese would help the chips

Harissa mayo
1 clove of garlic, finely minced
3 tbsp mayonnaise
4 tsp harissa paste
1 ½ tsp rose water

Tartare
1 cup mayonnaise
zest of one lemon
2 tsp capers, drained, finely chopped
2 gherkins, finely chopped
2 tbsp flat-leaf parsley, chopped

Method
Probs make a start on the chips first. Then when they are in the oven, whisk the eggs in a shallow bowl, the flour in a second shallow bowl and combine the breadcrumbs, parsley, chilli and lime in the third shallow bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper.

Dry the hoki pieces with some paper towel. Working piece by piece, coat the fish in the flour, dip in the egg and coat in the crumb. Rest on a plate and continue until they are all sorted.

Heat a good lug of vegetable oil in a large frying pan over medium heat, when it is nice and hot reduce the heat to low and fry two pieces at a time, 4-5 minutes per side. Remove to some paper towel and repeat until the fish is sorted.

Turn off the oven when the chips are done and place the fish on the lower shelf to keep warm while you quickly whip up the sauces … which are super easy. Place all the ingredients in separate bowls – obviously – and stir to combine.

Serve up the fish and chips with a fat dollop of the sauces and the cut up zested citrus. Devour.

 

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Postcards from the force of Hannah and Her Sisters

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Huge news guys!

No, I’m not covering the Olympics despite being crazy sporty. While I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m not there the answer is simple, I am a doctor for the Russian team … so yeah, I’m banned – maybe I’ll be allowed in Tokyo?

Who knows? Either way, I was crazy moist after watching the Opening Ceremony and decided I needed one of my closest gal pals to drop by while we quench our thirst during the first/best week of the competition – aka swimming / scantily-clad-men-a-palooza.

So obviously I reached out to my closest girlfriend, Carrie Fisher and obviously she said yes!

We’ve know each other since meeting in rehab – I was the inspiration behind Alex in Postcards from the Edge. Like the bonds I made in prison, the bonds you make in rehab are for life and Caz and I have always been a loving support for each other.

Caz recently wrapped on the latest Star Wars movie – fun fact, it was our life goal to never see one of those films but Carrie had to sit through one at a premiere so I am riding solo with that goal (relax Star Wars fans, if Carrie asks me to watch them I will … she doesn’t mind) – so was very keen to relax, reconnect and lecherously watch the swim events.

What says you’re my dearest friend / damn I love watching the swim team?!

Picture source: Publicity shot from a Star Wars, obviously I don’t know which one.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Megg Rolls Ryan

12th Annual Easter Meggstravaganza, Easter Meggstravaganza, Main, Snack

Bless her heart, Megsy is happy with her mediocre career resurgence!

“You don’t have to do this, I worked with Kiernan Shipka!”

Kiernan shouldn’t be responsible for paying your bills Meg, she is still a child.

“But I can’t be the first recipe double-up on your highly-lauded, prestigious and meaningful anthropological documentation of your close, personal relationships with celebrities told via your cooking catch-ups.”

Ah, yes you should be Megs – and more importantly, you deserve the prestigious honour of being our 150th Recipe! We’ve always loved you and you deserve another shot at fame thanks to the Easter Meggstravaganza … it is named after you, after all.

The battle waged for about six hours, but eventually I was able to convince that this would be our year and we’d be able to celebrate her return to fame/form together at the Oscars next year, rather than have it continue to languish like the victim of a biking crash while the Goo Goo Dolls played.

Megs has been busy with her latest actorial-directorial effort with my friend (who I must catch-up with) Tam Honks, Ithaca and really needed the break … and the good juju for reviews/box-office receipts/plaudits that comes with my egg based ritual.

While last year I went with an 70/80s special Devilled Meggs Ryan, I decided this year that the only way to truly get her back on the A-list was something hearty, substantial and relevant aka the culinary embodiment of what we want her career to be – enter scene, Megg Rolls Ryan.

 

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I have really struggled through the recent Queensland summer, so have been dabbling in any meal that is luke-warm yet delicious as I like to eat good food, but don’t enjoy the accompanying sweet dripping off my balls when in the kitchen making it.

These Egg Rolls, which aren’t like their American Chinese take-away counterparts, are light, fresh and packed full of paper with minimal cooking leaving me satisfied but not like I’ve just stepped out of a G-rated, food-safe sauna.

Now to start prepping for my struggling musician pal … enjoy!

 

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Megg Rolls Ryan
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g shredded cooked chicken breast
1 large carrot, peeled, cut into matchsticks
1 red capsicum, seeded, thinly sliced
1 Lebanese cucumber, cut into matchsticks
2 tbsp kecap manis
6 eggs, lightly beaten
1 tsp sesame oil
1 tbsp peanut oil
Extra kecap manis and sriracha, to serve

Method
Combine the shredded chicken, carrot, capsicum, cucumber and kecap manis in a large bowl. Stir and season to taste.

Combine egg and sesame oil in a jug. Heat a nonstick frying pan over medium-high heat, add a dash of the peanut oil and swirl to coat. Drizzle a few tablespoons of the egg mixture into pan to form a crisscross patterned omelette. Cook for 30 seconds, carefully flip and cook for 20 seconds. Transfer to a plate, cover and keep warm. Repeat with remaining egg mixture and oil, to form 8 crepes.

Place the egg crepes on a clean work surface. Divide the chicken mixture among the centres of the crepes. Roll up the crepes tightly to enclose the filling – I’m pretty bad tag this, so mine look more like crepe enchiladas. Transfer the egg rolls to serving plates and drizzle with extra kecap manis and sriracha. Devour but not so quickly that you end up Sleepless (in Seattle) with indigestion.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Devilled Meggs Ryan

Easter Meggstravaganza, Party Food, Snack

It is always a rush when following through on an egg-based ritual to return fame, foretold in a vision quest in Palm Springs, the celebrity desert.

For the past decade we have struggled with our dear friend Meg to find the correct celebs to force into helping our ritual to return us to the A-list, but alas it has only come true for two of us.

As we have known Meg for such a long time, having met her on the set of When a Man Loves a Woman (Annelie was her stunt double for the shower scene and I acted as her alcohol coach) and continued on as her personal security until we were fired for leaking stories to the tabloids and befriending her across the canyon neighbours, the T-Austins (in a dark period in our friendship, we egged her house).

Thankfully a desire for fame is a huge motivation for forgiveness and Meg never held a grudge and we still have fun with each other in the lead-up to our annual ritual.

In recent years Meg has been enjoying a slight career upswing, playing an obsessive stalker with OCD on Web Therapy (a role loosely based on one of my incarcerations) and we have taken it as a sign that she is on the precipice of returning to greatness. As such, we decided the best way to start this year’s ritual was with a batch of Sweet and Spicy Devilled Meggs Ryan.

 

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The maple bacon counters the kick of heat and if our calculations are right, she should be having what we’re having…an A-list resurgence.

Enjoy!

 

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Sweet and Spicy Devilled Megs Ryan
Makes: 12.

Ingredients
2 rashers streaky bacon
1 tbsp maple syrup
12 hard-boiled eggs, peeled
½ cup mayonnaise
1-2 tbsp Sriracha sauce
1 tsp Dijon mustard
2 tsp finely chopped tarragon
1 tbsp finely chopped chives

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C and line a tray with baking paper. While the oven is heating, marinate the bacon in the maple syrup. When the oven is at temperature, lay rashers on the tray until caramelised and crispy, should be about ten minutes. Remove from oven and set aside to cool.

Cut all the eggs in half lengthways and remove the yolk to a bowl. Mash all of the yolks until smooth-ish and then mix in the mayo, sriracha, mustard and herbs. Season to taste.

Spoon the yolk mixture back into each egg cavity and place on the serving plate.

Finely chop the maple bacon and sprinkle over the eggs. Devour and know that phase one was a success.