Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle

Juicy Lucy Liu

Burgers, Main, Street Food

It is not often I will cop to being wrong, but I am so glad that I’ve finally been able to swallow my pride and admit that despite not being my genre, Elementary appears to be a decent show and didn’t die within episodes of airing. And I shouldn’t have scoffed at my dear Lucy for taking the role.

Oh and I am sorry for refusing to talk to her until the show is axed and she admits I was right. Because I wasn’t.

Thankfully Lucy has always known that I can be a volatile person – she did meet me when guesting on Bev Hills, after all – so she took my apology at face value and we quickly caught up on everything we’ve been doing the last almost-decade.

While she isn’t as hopeful that I’ll be able to coax our girl Drew, Cameron D and Destiny to reform for a third Charlie’s Angels movie – I did get a third Sister Act to happen though, even if it won’t be a damn sequel – it was nice to spitball ideas and be in each other’s company.

Given outlining the entire plot of a sure-to-be-Oscar-winning film is tiring and time consuming, I knew that we would need a special combination of comfort and heartiness. As such, we gladly tucked in to a good, ol’ fashioned Jucy Lucy Liu to toast our hopeful success.

 

 

While there is a battle between where the Juicy – or jucy – Lucy originated, I like to think it was invented by whichever Tom served it up on Vanderpump Rules a few weeks back. Whoever did create this beauty however, I salute you. Meat injected with hot, hot cheese in the middle of a dripping bun? Sign. Me. UP.

Enjoy!

 

 

Juicy Lucy Liu
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 garlic clove, crushed
salt and pepper, to taste
2 slices American cheese, cut into quarters
vegetable oil
2 pickles, sliced
2 Kirsten Bunst
Ketchup, mustard and Shayonnaise Swain, to serve

Method
Combine the mince, Worcestershire and garlic in a bowl with a good whack of salt and a great whack of pepper. Once it is well a truly and cohesive mound, divide into four and press into patties.

Take two of said patties and stack a slice’s worth of cheese quarters in the centre and top with the remaining patties. Press the edges to firmly enclose and leave to rest at room temperature for ten minutes.

Heat a good lug of oil in a skillet over medium heat and once scorching, add the patties and cook for five minutes. Flip and cook for a further five, before removing from the heat.

To serve, split and toast the buns. Slather one side with mayo and mustard, and the other with ketchup. Place gherkins on the base,  top with the filled patty and close.

Devour, weary of the molten cheese that could burst out and destroy your face, lips or mouth at any moment.

 

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Good morning, Charlie!

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

It is probably hard for you to pinpoint the exact moment that you fell in love with Lucy Liu. I know, I’ve been there, I get it.

Was it her small roles in Beverly Hills, 90210 and Jerry Maguire? Perchance her blistering portrayal of Ling Woo in Ally McBeal? Or her murderous turns as Kitty Baxter in Chicago and O-Ren Ishii in Kill Bill? While all may seem like the right answer, the correct answer is actually seeing her slay Charlie’s Angels.

The more you know.

Anyway, we’re the dearest friends and tragically haven’t seen much of each other this decade since I refused to watch Elementary as I assumed it would be quickly axed. In any event, I swallowed my pride, apologised and she is keen to finally drop by on the record and catch up.

What do I make that says I love you, I need you to continue to succeed … but I still don’t want to watch a police procedural?

Image source: Screenshot from Charlie’s Angels.

 

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Melissa McPumpkin-Pecanthy Pie

Baking, Dessert, Oy with the turkeys already!

It is without a doubt that my dear friend Mel has had the most stratospheric rise since Gilmore Girls tragically came to an end.

I mean yes Loz had Parenthood, Ed now lives on in our heart, Yanic opened a spin studio, Scott appeared on 90210 (he is definitely her closest competition), Kelly had Bunheads, Keiko guested on Shameless and Liza is getting away with murder, but Mel was nominated for a damn Oscar so it is no competition.

As you can probably guess, I played a huge role in Mel landing the role after Alex had to vacate after the pilot. We had met at one of her cousin Jen’s parties and quickly became friends because we are hilarious, charming and are both future Oscar winners. Obviously only I knew that at the time.

Given Mel has been super busy – so busy she almost missed out on filming the revival … although I’m gutted the scandal wasn’t all an elaborate lie to hide her involvement – we haven’t been able to see each other as often as we would like.

Oh and there was that little fight we had when she wouldn’t let me on the set of Ghostbusters due to “making Chris uncomfortable.”

Thankfully, the holidays cure all and allowed us to heal the wounds, celebrate the revival and more importantly take some time to remember why we are such damn good friends. Obviously all of those things require splitting a delightful Melissa McPecanthy-Pumpkin Pie.

 

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So you know that awkward moment when you buy all the ingredients to make a Pecan Pie only to remember that AJ McLean vowed to disown you if you ever made one for someone more famous than he? Well this little festive gang-bang is sure to act as a perfect loophole.

Plus … the only thing better than a pumpkin or pecan pie, is a pecan-pumpkin pie. Just don’t tell Vandy.

Enjoy!

 

melissa-mcpumpkin-pecanthy-pie-2

 

Melissa McPecanthy-Pumpkin Pie
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
Pastry
125g unsalted butter, cold and diced
225g flour
2 tbsp cocoa powder
pinch of salt
1 ½ tsp icing sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
60ml cold water
Filling
250g pecans
1 cup pumpkin puree
340g muscovado sugar
generous pinch of salt
1 tsp cinnamon
70g unsalted butter
1 ½ tsp vanilla extract
115ml cream
6 eggs

Method
Combine the flour, cocoa, salt and icing sugar in a bowl before adding the butter and pressing with your fingers until the dough resembles wet dirt – not sand due to the cocoa, obvs. Mix in the vanilla extract and water, bit by bit, until the smooth dough just comes together.

Shape the dough into a disc, wrap in cling and refrigerate for an hour.

Preheat oven to 180°C, spread the pecans over a lined baking sheet and cook for ten minutes while the oven is coming to temperature. Remove and allow to cool.

Combine the puree, sugar, salt, cinnamon, butter and vanilla in a large saucepan over low heat and whisk until combined, butter melted and sugar dissolved. Remove from the heat, whisk in the cream and allow to cool for about ten minutes. Once cool, whisk the eggs through, one at a time, whisking to combine after each addition.

Get the dough out of the fridge and roll-out between two pieces of baking paper until it is 3-5mm. Press the dough into a 26cm pie dish, trim the edges, line with baking paper, fill with baking weights  and blind bake for about fifteen minutes. Remove the weights/paper and bake for a further five minutes. Remove from the oven and rest for about ten minutes.

While the crust is settling, add the pecans to the filling, stir thoroughly and add to the crust. Smooth out the top and bake for about 45 minutes, or until set and browned.

Remove from the oven, allow to cool for about half an hour and devour with ice cream.

 

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Carrie Fisher’n’Chips

Main, Seafood

Oh my goodness – my stomach is in agony! No i’m not into some odd masturbatory technique, I just haven’t stopped laughing for the last 24 hours.

It was such a treat to have Carrie over and reenact a good / funny version of SaTC with the part of New York dutifully played by my kitchen / television.

As you know, we met in rehab and were bonded instantly due the fact we were both poised to be celebrated writers and we had complex relationships with our Hollywood mothers. While my issues stemmed from the fact that I was generally running a scam at their expense, Carrie grew up in the limelight of the Reynolds-Fisher dynasty and drama which gave her a very different childhood … and me a reason to befriend her to get to Debs to form an alliance against Liz.

Obviously she stole two of her husbands from me … but that is another story for another time.

So back on track, I quickly ingratiated myself with the Reynolds-Fishers (often despite Caz’s better judgement) and have been a confidante to Caz ever since, filling each other’s lives with so much joy and laughter.

I can’t say enough about how beautiful and close our friendship is.

As I mentioned and I’m sure Star TrekWars fans would be aware, Caz just wrapped on the latest movie and was completely pooped so relished the opportunity to pull up a seat next to me in our twin recliners and make sassy, forced, attention grabbing statements about the semi-clad swimmers who were dutifully flooding our basements.

To get us in the mood – or to be more accurate, out of it – I whipped up a batch of her favourite / my famous Carrie Fisher’n’Chips.

 

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I assume I’ve mentioned it ad nauseam, if not, I fucking hate seafood. Hate it. I mean, they live in their filth (even though someone rightfully argued that they live in a purifying saline solution). Anyway, Carrie loves a good ole Fish and Chips and given that she just wrapped her time in London, I had to make something to help her acclimate back into the real world.

With that, I went heavy with the chilli, lemon and lime to drown the flavour of fish and served it with crispy chips and a delightful harissa mayo that had me *shudder* liking seafood.

Enjoy!

 

carrie-fisher-n-chips-2

 

Carrie Fisher’n’Chips
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
8 pieces of hoki portions (I hate seafood, of course I’m going to buy pre-portioned)
2 eggs, whisked
1 cup plain flour
2 cups panko breadcrumbs
¼ cup flat-leaf parsley, finely chopped
1 tbsp chilli flakes
zest of one lime
vegetable oil
One serve of the chips from Friza Minnelli … I don’t think the Dolognese would help the chips

Harissa mayo
1 clove of garlic, finely minced
3 tbsp mayonnaise
4 tsp harissa paste
1 ½ tsp rose water

Tartare
1 cup mayonnaise
zest of one lemon
2 tsp capers, drained, finely chopped
2 gherkins, finely chopped
2 tbsp flat-leaf parsley, chopped

Method
Probs make a start on the chips first. Then when they are in the oven, whisk the eggs in a shallow bowl, the flour in a second shallow bowl and combine the breadcrumbs, parsley, chilli and lime in the third shallow bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper.

Dry the hoki pieces with some paper towel. Working piece by piece, coat the fish in the flour, dip in the egg and coat in the crumb. Rest on a plate and continue until they are all sorted.

Heat a good lug of vegetable oil in a large frying pan over medium heat, when it is nice and hot reduce the heat to low and fry two pieces at a time, 4-5 minutes per side. Remove to some paper towel and repeat until the fish is sorted.

Turn off the oven when the chips are done and place the fish on the lower shelf to keep warm while you quickly whip up the sauces … which are super easy. Place all the ingredients in separate bowls – obviously – and stir to combine.

Serve up the fish and chips with a fat dollop of the sauces and the cut up zested citrus. Devour.

 

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Postcards from the force of Hannah and Her Sisters

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Huge news guys!

No, I’m not covering the Olympics despite being crazy sporty. While I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m not there the answer is simple, I am a doctor for the Russian team … so yeah, I’m banned – maybe I’ll be allowed in Tokyo?

Who knows? Either way, I was crazy moist after watching the Opening Ceremony and decided I needed one of my closest gal pals to drop by while we quench our thirst during the first/best week of the competition – aka swimming / scantily-clad-men-a-palooza.

So obviously I reached out to my closest girlfriend, Carrie Fisher and obviously she said yes!

We’ve know each other since meeting in rehab – I was the inspiration behind Alex in Postcards from the Edge. Like the bonds I made in prison, the bonds you make in rehab are for life and Caz and I have always been a loving support for each other.

Caz recently wrapped on the latest Star Wars movie – fun fact, it was our life goal to never see one of those films but Carrie had to sit through one at a premiere so I am riding solo with that goal (relax Star Wars fans, if Carrie asks me to watch them I will … she doesn’t mind) – so was very keen to relax, reconnect and lecherously watch the swim events.

What says you’re my dearest friend / damn I love watching the swim team?!

Picture source: Publicity shot from a Star Wars, obviously I don’t know which one.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Mont LeBlanc

Dessert, Sweets

Bless little Matty – he is such a doll!

While he doesn’t enjoy being upstaged by my animatronic pet chimpanzees or Matt Pez’s … sarcastic punchlines, he is a ride or die friend. Fun fact, our friendship inspired the entire Fast and or Furious saga – RIP Paul Walker (thank you for the Joy Ride your buns gave me).

Sure, as is the custom with being our friend, we have had some rough times after he refused to give his Married … with Children co-star and our legal guardian Christina Applegate a role in Lost in Space (ugh, Heather Grahvom), but he was kind enough to forgive us for advising him that a Joey spin-off was a good idea, so we are even.

Matty really helped put me back on the right path and work through my guilt and grief of what has happened over Christmas – oh, FYI, I am actually Annelie’s evil twin Ennelie.

I’ve had such a busy week – what with hosting Nigella Lawson’s Brisbane Q&A and acting as a mentor to David Sedaris – that I barely had time for poor Matt. Thankfully Nigella gave me the idea for a speedy Mont LeBlanc.

 

Mont LeBlanc-1

 

While I have to give credit to dear Nigey for the original express version of a Mont Blanc – I will blow my own trumpet and say that melting the chocolate and whipping it through the chestnut makes for a smoother, sweeter dessert.

Enjoy!

 

Mont LeBlanc-2

 

Mont LeBlanc
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
100g good-quality dark chocolate
1/4 tsp almond essence
500ml double cream
2 meringue nests
500g sweetened chestnut purée

Method
Break the chocolate into a medium, microwavable bowl and melt in the microwave on high for ten second intervals until down. Leave to cool slightly.

Place the cream in a large bowl and lightly whip it until soft peaks form. Fold through one of the crumbled meringues.

In an electric mixer, whisk the chestnut purée on medium speed and add in the chocolate and almond essence, continuing to whisk for a minute to combine.

Spread the chocolate/chestnut mixture evenly amongst four martini glasses, top with the cream/meringue mixture and crumbled excess meringue.

Devour immediately and pretend you made the purée and meringue from scratch and were very busy.

 

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He’ll be (t)here for me

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

No one told me life was gonna be this way, what with Annelie’s amnesia and Miley’s now almost-normal length tongue.

Yes, my job’s a joke (well I treat it as such), I’m broke (compared to a Vanderbilt) and my love life, with Skarsy, is once again DOA.

I was feeling like I was stuck in second gear over the weekend, what with it not having been my day, my week, my month but gosh darn it after getting a call from Matt to catch up, I just know it is going to be my year.

My dear friend, whom I ironically refer to as Shooter as he is packing anything but blanks, Matt and I have been there for each other since meeting on the set of Ed where he was co-starring with my recently purchased chimpanzee Lionel von Shunteece.

Lionel’s impeccable and more believable acting made Matt sad and wanting to be there for him, when the rain started to fall, I gave Lionel to my dear friend Paris Hilton as a sign of solidarity, setting Paris on the path of bizarre and irritating pets.

What says thanks for being there for me too-oo?

Picture source: Matthew Ralston / NBCU Photo Bank.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.