Juicy Lucy Liu

Burgers, Main, Street Food

It is not often I will cop to being wrong, but I am so glad that I’ve finally been able to swallow my pride and admit that despite not being my genre, Elementary appears to be a decent show and didn’t die within episodes of airing. And I shouldn’t have scoffed at my dear Lucy for taking the role.

Oh and I am sorry for refusing to talk to her until the show is axed and she admits I was right. Because I wasn’t.

Thankfully Lucy has always known that I can be a volatile person – she did meet me when guesting on Bev Hills, after all – so she took my apology at face value and we quickly caught up on everything we’ve been doing the last almost-decade.

While she isn’t as hopeful that I’ll be able to coax our girl Drew, Cameron D and Destiny to reform for a third Charlie’s Angels movie – I did get a third Sister Act to happen though, even if it won’t be a damn sequel – it was nice to spitball ideas and be in each other’s company.

Given outlining the entire plot of a sure-to-be-Oscar-winning film is tiring and time consuming, I knew that we would need a special combination of comfort and heartiness. As such, we gladly tucked in to a good, ol’ fashioned Jucy Lucy Liu to toast our hopeful success.

 

 

While there is a battle between where the Juicy – or jucy – Lucy originated, I like to think it was invented by whichever Tom served it up on Vanderpump Rules a few weeks back. Whoever did create this beauty however, I salute you. Meat injected with hot, hot cheese in the middle of a dripping bun? Sign. Me. UP.

Enjoy!

 

 

Juicy Lucy Liu
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 garlic clove, crushed
salt and pepper, to taste
2 slices American cheese, cut into quarters
vegetable oil
2 pickles, sliced
2 Kirsten Bunst
Ketchup, mustard and Shayonnaise Swain, to serve

Method
Combine the mince, Worcestershire and garlic in a bowl with a good whack of salt and a great whack of pepper. Once it is well a truly and cohesive mound, divide into four and press into patties.

Take two of said patties and stack a slice’s worth of cheese quarters in the centre and top with the remaining patties. Press the edges to firmly enclose and leave to rest at room temperature for ten minutes.

Heat a good lug of oil in a skillet over medium heat and once scorching, add the patties and cook for five minutes. Flip and cook for a further five, before removing from the heat.

To serve, split and toast the buns. Slather one side with mayo and mustard, and the other with ketchup. Place gherkins on the base,  top with the filled patty and close.

Devour, weary of the molten cheese that could burst out and destroy your face, lips or mouth at any moment.

 

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Good morning, Charlie!

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

It is probably hard for you to pinpoint the exact moment that you fell in love with Lucy Liu. I know, I’ve been there, I get it.

Was it her small roles in Beverly Hills, 90210 and Jerry Maguire? Perchance her blistering portrayal of Ling Woo in Ally McBeal? Or her murderous turns as Kitty Baxter in Chicago and O-Ren Ishii in Kill Bill? While all may seem like the right answer, the correct answer is actually seeing her slay Charlie’s Angels.

The more you know.

Anyway, we’re the dearest friends and tragically haven’t seen much of each other this decade since I refused to watch Elementary as I assumed it would be quickly axed. In any event, I swallowed my pride, apologised and she is keen to finally drop by on the record and catch up.

What do I make that says I love you, I need you to continue to succeed … but I still don’t want to watch a police procedural?

Image source: Screenshot from Charlie’s Angels.

 

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Tom Yum Everett Soup

A decade of saying so, Main, Side, Snack, Soup

If for some reason that you’re someone that was turned off by the unwarranted terrible reviews for Because I said So, a) fuck you but b) let me catch you up on the plot.

Diane Keaton is a nightmare mother who is concerned that her youngest daughter played by Mandy Moore hasn’t found validation in a marriage or even just a steady man or marriage, unlike her two eldest two daughters played by Loz Graham and Piper Perabo. Because hijinks need to ensue, she decides to place a personal ad for her daughter since Tinder wasn’t a thing ten years ago. She then vets the candidates (which the Republican Party probably should have done a better job of), rejecting a dreamy guitarist and trying to orchestrate a chance encounter with Tom Everett Scott.

Now don’t get me wrong, Tom is always that thing you do in my bed … but you always choose the guitarist.

Speaking of, I first met Tommy Evs on the set of That Thing You Do! Where I was working as a P.A. to my dear friend Tom Hanks. I have long been a dear friend of the Hanks-Wilson clan, so Tom trusted me when I assured him that the unknown Tommy Evs was the only person  that could play Guy.

First day on set, I approached Tommy Evs, told him that little anecdote and said, and I quote, “you owe me a life debt you little shit, so be grateful.”

Oh – I should probably mention at this point that I was so far off the wagon at the time that I wouldn’t even be able to find it and my drink of choice was rum, thus the violence.

Anyway, he was completely terrified and did everything I said before he got a case of Stockholm syndrome and we became the closest of friends.

I haven’t seen much of Tommy recently as his career has been semi-booming, with his small role as my dear Em Stone’s *spoiler* in La La Land and the father in Scream, the MTV series – let’s just take a moment to mull over the juxtaposition of those credits. Perfecto, no?

Anyway Tommy was gutted to miss out on a SAG nom for La La, so jumped at the opportunity to get together and celebrate the jewel in the crown of his credits over a delicious and fiery Tom Yum Everett Soup.

 

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Now while this soup has a violent past – I used to cook it until boiling and throw it at him on set – we’ve continued to share it over the years as a way to remind him that I could turn at any given moment and me that I shouldn’t board the rum train.

Plus, how could I bare to quit something so deliciously hot and sour – enjoy!

 

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Tom Yum Everett Soup
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
vegetable oil
500g chickens, cut into small pieces
1 bunch of shallots, trimmed and sliced
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 tbsp tom yum paste
1L chicken stock
2 kaffir lime leaves
4 small red chilli peppers, halved
1 tsp caster sugar
juice of a lime
1 tbsp fish sauce
handful of fresh coriander leaves, roughly chopped
salt and pepper

Method
Heat a lug of oil in a large deep frying pan and cook the chicken for about five minutes, or until browned. Add in the shallots and garlic and cook for a further minute. Stir in the tom yum paste and cook for another further minute.

Stir in the stock, lime leaves and chilli, and simmer gently for about fifteen minutes.

Stir through the sugar, lime juice, fish sauce, coriander leaves and a good whack of salt and pepper. Serve immediately and devour.

 

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Chillijamin McKenzie

12 Days of Chrismukkah, Condiment, Dip, Sauce, Sweets

Can you believe we almost survived 2016 – huzzahs all round! While the year has been the absolute pits, I’m still hoping to salvage it with the ultimate festive celebration with my he-bros, gals and gentiles of The O.C.

Given my close relationship with the cast, I’ve had many a sleepless night over the last few weeks, trying to perfect my Chrismukkah catch-up schedule that a) won’t offend anyone – you know that Tate can be a bit of a diva – is b) festively appropriate and most importantly is c) culturally appropriate.

With those criteria in mind, there was only one person I could select to open up our 12 Days of Chrismukkah celebrations – the incomparable Ryan Atwood … aka Ben McKenzie ak-to me-a Benny Mac.

I’m an old family friend of the Schenkkans – oh FYI, McKenzie is totally his stage name – having worked with Ben’s grandfather and President Lyndon Johnson to pass the Public Broadcasting Act of 1967. While I had a falling out with Presi Jo after he discovered my many scandals and personal foibles, Ben’s grandfather took me in and raised me as his own … and I’m sure you can put it all together and see that Ben was named after me.

Anyway, my career and addictions took off and took me away from the family for an extended period of time but when we needed a brooding unknown to play the classic character Ryan Atwood, I knew that my pseudo-nephew and namesake was the only person capable of playing the part.

After Ben was done reenacting the scene when Ryan and Marissa meet with fans in my driveway – don’t tell him but those people that just happened to be waiting for us when we got back from the airport are fans that purchased an O.C. experience for an exorbitant amount of cash – Ben was thrilled to be able to relax, catch-up and celebrate the start of our festive fun by helping in my sweatshopkitchen to make a generous batch of an edible gift, in the form of my Chillijamin McKenzie.

 

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Like Ryan, the jam is deceptively sweet with a good kick of heat, spice and heart.

And obviously you want to drizzle him all over your meat … or cheese (but that is less smutty, unless … ).

 

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Chillijamin McKenzie
Makes: 1.5L.

Ingredients
lug of olive oil
1 onion, peeled and blitzed in a food processor
3 cloves garlic, blitzed in the aforementioned food processor with the onion
pinch of salt
150g fresh hot red chilli peppers, tips removed
150g capsicum, cored, deseeded and roughly chopped
1kg jam sugar
600ml cider vinegar

Method
Heat a small lug of olive oil in a small saucepan over low heat and cook the onion, garlic and salt for about ten minutes, or until fragrant, sweet and soft.

Place the chilli and capsicum in the food processor and blitz until they are finely chopped into delicate flecks. Or fleeks. This is totes on fleek – you girls keep me young!

Combine the sugar and vinegar in a large saucepan over low heat and cook, sans stirring, until dissolved. Add in the chillis, onion and garlic and stir to combine.

Turn the heat up to medium-high, bring to the boil and cook for about ten minutes with minimal stirring – less is better, but I won’t judge.

Take the pan off the heat  and allow to cool for half an hour, in which time sterilise some jars.

After the half hour the jam should have started to thicken and be suspending the flecks throughout the mixture. Decant into the jars, seal tightly and allow to cool.

Refrigerate after opening.

 

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