Passjohnfruit Hennigan Butter

Condiment, Survivor, Survivor: David vs. Goliath, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the Goliaths entered the merge with a 7-5 advantage, with the Mayor of Slamtown – aka my bae-town – tragically channelling Kellyn for some Goliath Strong votes ahead. Unaware Christian, Nick, Gabby, Alec, Mike and Alison launched a new majority alliance – well almost – vowing to lay low for a couple of votes before taking control of the game. Everyone had locked in a vote against Elizabeth, however Angelina was desperate to start securing jury votes and took that information back to her, allowing she and Gabby to blow up Angelina’s game at tribal. Sure Elizabeth was still voted out, but there is no way Angelina can win. The final three however? I pray.

Back at camp Angelina was feeling the heat and desperately got to work pretending she wasn’t caught out trying to win over the Queen of the Jury. While she lied her arse off, nobody believed her – nobody – but damn I love her and need her to stay as long as possible.

The next day Christian and Mike got together to spill the tea on tribal and while they admitted Angelina lost all her power, they still used the time to reconfirm the new 6-person alliance. Well until Mike mentioned that Gabby’s performance at tribal gave him doubts about her loyalty. Meanwhile Nick was expanding his list of allies, wandering the camp with Davie to find an idol to help them take control. Sadly they didn’t find an idol, though they did find a clue and set off down the beach to hunt. Carl joined them in the hunt before they realised the entire tribe was sitting near the tree where it was hidden. Davie literally did interpretive dance on a rock to distract the rest of their tribe while Nick quickly pocketed a vote steal – which is still hella cursed, FYI – and Carl spilled the fact he own an idol nullifier. Between those and Davie’s idol – which he kept secret – I can smell a comeback.

My boy Probst interrupted the excitement for this week’s reward challenge where the tribe would be split into two teams and forced to hold weighted bags tethered to a trough of water over their heads. Aka the Australian Survivor challenge where Robbie, Benji and Zach postured and lost. It was for 12 pizzas between six people and hot damn, that is worth playing for. Gabby selected Nick, Alec, John, Alison and Christian for her team – no doubt to Mike’s chagrin – despite the fact he too was a captain. To be honest the cast has less toxic masculinity and as such it isn’t really exciting to write about, so Gabby’s team took out reward. But damn, Kara is a beast and I love her. Particularly since she wasn’t cocky about hold three bags while Dan was, forcing him to drop one and lose the challenge for his team.

Kalokalo returned to camp where Gabby’s team sat down to devour their feast in front of the rest of the tribe. Which made them all hella salty, well, except Mike who just wants to make it to the end. He went for a walk down the beach to reflect on his many alliances and figure which is his best option. He went to discuss voting out Angelina with Alec, concerned that she is a non-threat and he is more interested in getting rid of Christian. Thankfully Alec agreed that Christian was a threat but was way more interested in keeping his options open, which getting rid of him would eliminate. Mike went and spoke to the rest of the Goliaths with all of them thrilled to jump on board with the Christian vote, driving Angelina crazy since she threw it out last week and got shut down by all of them. Rubbing salt in that wound, she was told that she would be this week’s decoy.

Jeffrey returned for this week’s reward challenge where the castaways would balance on a narrow perch while trying to keep their ball up between two rods, which sounds counterintuitive TBH if you ask me. Kara quickly dropped out – unlike Probst’s boyfie fuck you Brad Culpepper – followed closely by Christian, Alison, Davie, my bae John, Gabby and Carl. Only minutes later Alec and Mike dropped, leaving Angelina, Nick and Dan to battle it out to win immunity and beat Culpepper’s record. Nick dropped as I got distracted by Dan’s package before Angelina dropped and handed Dan his first immunity win.

Things quickly descended into chaos back at camp as the Goliaths told the Davids that Angelina will be voted out tonight, despite the fact they plan to take out Christian. Angelina was still smarting about being the decoy vote, complaining to Dan and Kara about potentially being idoled out. Dan started to chastise her, much to her clear rage. He then disappeared to talk to Alec and Kara and floated the idea of potentially letting her get idolled out, rather than protect her like her promised. Alec then took the information that Mike was considering flipping to Nick, encouraging him to flip the script if they can. Nick looped in Christian as the poor nerd started to panic, while Nick set off to figure out a way to use his advantage to protect his buddy. Davie continued to keep his idol a secret, however started to consider whether it was worth using to snatch a majority.

At tribal council Elizabeth looked completely adorable while Angelina acknowledged how destroyed she was at tribal council. Nick admitted that turning on Angelina could be their best shot at survival, Mike spoke about sticking Goliath strong being an easy move, Davie praised Elizabeth for highlighting cracks at the last tribal and Carl admitted he wasn’t sure about anything until the votes are read. John – bae – spoke about getting what you give, while Alec said that isn’t always the safest move and Nick started to ramp things up, pledging his allegiance to his allies. The biggest guy here John spoke about the importance of taking out threats, Christian seemed confused about how large a threat he has become before sharing how great he is at forging bonds. Which Queen Angelina pointed out and then acknowledged that there are bound to be fireworks when they get back to camp.

With that the tribe voted and Davie decided it was worth it playing his idol for Christian. This terrified Angelina who immediately went to Natalie and the jacket mode, begging Dan to play one of his idols for her. Which he did. Sadly for the Goliaths and my eyes, Davie clearly had looped some fellow Davids in on the idol as they loaded up a couple of vote on John and the Mayor of Slamtown was sent out of the game and to the jury. Given he is a total sweet babe, he laughed it off and praised everyone on a game well played, not even firing Christian from the role of Slamtown Comptroller.

Obviously I threw myself at him as soon as he walked in to Ponderosa, holding him tight and promising everything will be ok. I mean, I knew he was ok, but I just wanted to hug him … to make sure, you know? I’ve know John since my days on the wrestling circuit – I coached the Rock, no biggie – and we’ve been the best of friends for years, so after a quick catch-up I knew that my Passjohnfruit Hennigan Butter would be the only thing worthy of toasting a game well played. And a tushy of gold.

 

 

Now it is confession time. I normally hate passionfruit, most likely because I convinced myself they would crack my teeth and I’ll look like Cletus from The Simpsons. Why that fear stop me from passionfruit and not the sugar balls is a mystery for another time …

Anyway, this baby is the only way to eat passion fruit. I mean, how do you go wrong by adding butter and sugar to something? The question is rhetorical, so don’t disappoint me by answering in the comments.

Enjoy!

 

 

Passjohnfruit Hennigan Butter
Serves: 8-12. TBH, I have no idea.

Ingredients
250g chilled butter, chopped
300g raw caster sugar
1 ½ cups fresh passionfruit pulp
6 egg yolks

Method
Combine everything in a saucepan and cook over low heat, stirring, for fifteen minutes.

Transfer to a sterilised jar.

Chill overnight.

Devour.

 

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Preserved Lemonika Radulovic

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2018), Preserve, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Brian was the last man standing, leaving Shane and Sharn to nervously try and find a way to stay alive. After approaching Shonella and realising there was no hope, they gallantly tried to snag immunity however tragically were beaten by Brian. With no other hope, Sharn went hunting for an idol which this time proved successful and remained hidden. And with that, a plan was floated to try and attract all the votes to Sharn instead of the alliance splitting the votes to keep both of them safe. Somehow their planned worked with Sharn negating three votes against her, Shane getting one and poor Queen Fenella becoming the Queen of the Jury.

Back at camp Shonee was absolutely shocked to still have Shane in the game and Fenella hanging with the boys in jury villa. Looking for answers she asked they get ready for bed before Sharn explained what the hell happened. Thankfully Shonee isn’t an idiot and was concerned that the failed vote split may have actually been deliberate, and if so, she needed to get to the bottom of it. Just as quickly as she said it, Brian admitted to us that it was definitely deliberate as he wants to go to the end with Fenella and Monika. And hot damn do I want Shonee to get her revenge!

The next day Monika marvelled that she was still in the game at final five, with only five days remaining. And given she got a confessional, me thinks she isn’t long for the game. Despite knowing that Sharn is a total threat and was concerned about her moving forward. Speaking of Sharn, she was hanging with her girl Shane as they celebrated their victory over Shonella.

Not one to rest on her yannys – sorry, laurels – Shane decided that now was the time to strike to form a new alliance so approached Shonee to see if she’d be interested to jump ship after losing his bestie. Their target obviously being King Grub as Shane is sick of him being disgusting, lazy and playing a villainous game. Sharn too was quick to befriend Shonee and see where they stood moving forward. She then straight up told Shonee that the bungled vote split wasn’t actually a mistake, and it was a move to save Shane. Shonee went to have a chat with Brian about Fenella’s boot and while he pretended to be sad about the situation, she did the better job hiding her rage. She then vowed to get her revenge and be sassy as fuck, and as heartbroken as I am about Fenella’s boot, I am LIVING for Shonee’s rage.

My love Jonathan returned for the reward which looked suspiciously like a car under a tarp. But who knows, maybe I am wrong? They would each use blocks to solve a word puzzle then shimmy along a beam to undo two bags of sticks which will then be used to build a long hard pole to reach a key through a gate. Oh and yeah, obvi, it was for a car. Brian got out to an early lead with Monika almost close behind, had she not screwed up the puzzle, leaving Shonee and Shane to chase him down. Brian started making his long, hard pole while Shonee and Shane worked on the second bag, and Sharn and Monika made their way to the beam. Brian’s first two attempts failed leaving Shonee and Shane to join him at the gate while Sharn and Monika desperately tried to cross the beam. Shonee tried and failed, as did Sharn who finally made it to the gate. Brian proved successful on his third attempt, begging the question, will the car curse remain?

Particularly since he promised it to Monika should he win. Jonathan further complicated things, telling him that he had also won a night away from camp with a real bed and a shit tonne of pizza. Which he would be able to share with one other person, stupidly picking Monika and leaving Shonee back at camp to be wooed by the rival alliance. And while they know it could come back to bite them, I don’t think they are worried enough. As Shonee will defend Fenella’s honour.

Brian and Monika pulled up at the site of the reward where they delighted in the comfort, chocolates, champagne and pizzas. Brian’s confidence continued to grow, given he has won countless immunity challenges and has an idol in his back pocket. He then admitted that he only selected Monika to share the reward because he doesn’t trust her to stay loyal if she spends too much time with Shane and Sharn. He then admitted to her that he also didn’t want to fuel their competitors, which reading between the lines says Shonee is competitive in challenges while you are not.

Meanwhile back at camp Shane and Sharn quickly got to work on Shonee, lamenting Brian’s challenge streak. Not an idiot, Shonee admitted that he sees her and Sharn as threats and as such, she is willing to flip sides and take him out. YAS YAS YAS, KWEEN. The trio agreed that the Sh- alliance is now formed and they will take out Brian and Monika, get to the end and defend Fenella’s honour. I mean, how fucking poetic?

The next day Brian and Monika awoke at the reward beach to find a bountiful breakfast, and Monika finally admitted that she is riding Brian to the end as nobody will vote for him at the end. Meanwhile at camp, the Sh’s all agreed that they will fight like hell to snatch immunity to finally take out Brian. Aka the newest king, if Benji is still narrating somewhere around the world?

Obviously this led to the immunity challenge where the castaways would be required to build a fire in a drum attached to the end of a seesaw. Once rollicking, they would then need to run to the ocean and fill the other end of the seesaw with water to raise the fire and burn through a rope. Given the challenge involved making fire it didn’t look too exciting as they all worked away and Brian panicked. Shane was obviously the first to get a flame, which she quickly parlayed into a full blown fire. Sharn too snagged a flame, which started to catch on to her epic wooden teepee, leaving her to go get water and start working to lift her flame. As Sharn and Shane pulled away, Brian grew more and more concerned, begging Shonee to tell him how they built their fires before telling her not to panic. Eventually Sharn sent her fire soaring, leaving the flames to lick at the rope while desperately trying to keep it up long enough to secure immunity. Which she managed to do, bursting into to tears as she realised she made it into the final four.

Back at camp everyone congratulated Sharn on her immunity win, while Brian seethed about it being his worst case scenario as he will have to take out his goat Shane. Sadly for him, Shonee was no longer interested in their alliance and was totally going to flip on them. Brian decided he needed to appear nervous, so went out idol hunting despite it not being required. The SH trio planned to take out Brian and then Shonee went for a walk to get water, hoping to entice Monika and Brian to the well to lock in their plans. Brian soon followed and was assured by Shonee that they hadn’t been able to convince her to flip, however he was concerned that Shane wasn’t feeling nervous.

Shonee took this intel back to Sharn and Shane, leading to Shane giving a performance of nervousness that truly is not to be fucked with. Shane then headed off to Monika to highlight how nervous she is, and poor Monika bought it all and felt sorry for the beast. She then took the performance to Brian, who admitted that he was also feeling nervous. In the next scene he was asleep on the beach, so I’m not sure how nervous he was really feeling. So much so that Sharn and Shonee deduced that he had an idol, and as such, Shonee suggested that they change the vote to Monika just to be safe.

At tribal council Queen Fenella slayed in a jumpsuit with the boys, while Sharn rejoiced in having immunity. On the flipside, Brian admitted to feeling nervous about the upcoming vote though said that he hoped to survive the upcoming vote and get the immunity necklace back ASAP. Brian tried to downplay his challenge wins, while Shane decided to go all in, calling out why he picked Monika and questioned why he wouldn’t want to share a bed with her. Brian continued to make blunders, saying that Monika was only selected because he couldn’t trust her not to flip while he was confident in Shonee to stand firm.

Changing tact, Jonathan pointed out that Sharn too is a challenge threat and as such, is she looking to take out Brian when she has the chance. Shonee continued to pretend to be the loyal ally, calling out Sharn and Shane as they all smirked at each other. Shane too jumped in on the performance, playing the defeated next boot and guilting the hell out of Monika. Talk soon turned to idols, with Monika admitting to being nervous about them while Brian spoke about not being worried about them, signalling that he clearly has an idol. Jonathan grew weary of Brian’s sinking performance, asking why he isn’t fighting harder. In comparison, Shane told everyone how much she loves the game and she would love people to help her out and keep her around.

With that the tribe voted, followed by Brian playing his hidden immunity idol much to the shock of his tribemates. Or faux shock at least, as the Sh alliance joined together to send Monika from the game in fifth place while flushing Brian’s idol.

Given Mon is an absolute delight however, she walked into the Jury Villa and TBH made my job super easy. Some light compliments here, some questions about why she looks better after 46 days on an island than I do twenty minutes after getting out of the shower there, and I barely even needed to crack the Preserved Lemonika Radulovic.

 

 

While they aren’t the best thing to eat straight out of the jar – hey, don’t tell Mon that! – these babies are the perfect thing to elevate any Moroccan dish. Or to whip up as a cute Christmas gift. Because it is October – third to be in fact, happy Mean Girls day! – and that means Halloween is rolling into Thanksgiving and Christmas and you need to prepare.

So no pressure. Oh, and enjoy!

 

 

Preserved Lemonika Radulovic
Makes: 1L.

Ingredients
8-12 lemons, quartered
150g salt
1 cinnamon quill
2 cloves
2 allspice berries
4 black peppercorns

Method
Sterilise a large mason jar.

Place a heaped tablespoon of salt on the bottom of the jar and top with a couple of layers of lemons, smooshing down as you go to release the juices. Place the cinnamon quill and half the remaining spices on top, top with a layer of salt and another couple layers of lemon.

Add the remaining spice and repeat the process of salting and smooshing the lemons until the jar is almost full. If the fruit hasn’t released enough fruit, top with additional juice until the lemons are all covered.

Seal the jars and leave them in a cool dark place for six weeks – kinda like how the editors left us in the dark about Mon until belly-flopgate – or until the lemons are preserved and the salt has completely dissolved and the juice is consistency of hand sanitiser. Refrigerate once they’re ready … for devouring over time.

 

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Chillijamin McKenzie

12 Days of Chrismukkah, Condiment, Dip, Sauce, Sweets

Can you believe we almost survived 2016 – huzzahs all round! While the year has been the absolute pits, I’m still hoping to salvage it with the ultimate festive celebration with my he-bros, gals and gentiles of The O.C.

Given my close relationship with the cast, I’ve had many a sleepless night over the last few weeks, trying to perfect my Chrismukkah catch-up schedule that a) won’t offend anyone – you know that Tate can be a bit of a diva – is b) festively appropriate and most importantly is c) culturally appropriate.

With those criteria in mind, there was only one person I could select to open up our 12 Days of Chrismukkah celebrations – the incomparable Ryan Atwood … aka Ben McKenzie ak-to me-a Benny Mac.

I’m an old family friend of the Schenkkans – oh FYI, McKenzie is totally his stage name – having worked with Ben’s grandfather and President Lyndon Johnson to pass the Public Broadcasting Act of 1967. While I had a falling out with Presi Jo after he discovered my many scandals and personal foibles, Ben’s grandfather took me in and raised me as his own … and I’m sure you can put it all together and see that Ben was named after me.

Anyway, my career and addictions took off and took me away from the family for an extended period of time but when we needed a brooding unknown to play the classic character Ryan Atwood, I knew that my pseudo-nephew and namesake was the only person capable of playing the part.

After Ben was done reenacting the scene when Ryan and Marissa meet with fans in my driveway – don’t tell him but those people that just happened to be waiting for us when we got back from the airport are fans that purchased an O.C. experience for an exorbitant amount of cash – Ben was thrilled to be able to relax, catch-up and celebrate the start of our festive fun by helping in my sweatshopkitchen to make a generous batch of an edible gift, in the form of my Chillijamin McKenzie.

 

chillijamin-mckenzie-1

 

Like Ryan, the jam is deceptively sweet with a good kick of heat, spice and heart.

And obviously you want to drizzle him all over your meat … or cheese (but that is less smutty, unless … ).

 

chillijamin-mckenzie-2

 

Chillijamin McKenzie
Makes: 1.5L.

Ingredients
lug of olive oil
1 onion, peeled and blitzed in a food processor
3 cloves garlic, blitzed in the aforementioned food processor with the onion
pinch of salt
150g fresh hot red chilli peppers, tips removed
150g capsicum, cored, deseeded and roughly chopped
1kg jam sugar
600ml cider vinegar

Method
Heat a small lug of olive oil in a small saucepan over low heat and cook the onion, garlic and salt for about ten minutes, or until fragrant, sweet and soft.

Place the chilli and capsicum in the food processor and blitz until they are finely chopped into delicate flecks. Or fleeks. This is totes on fleek – you girls keep me young!

Combine the sugar and vinegar in a large saucepan over low heat and cook, sans stirring, until dissolved. Add in the chillis, onion and garlic and stir to combine.

Turn the heat up to medium-high, bring to the boil and cook for about ten minutes with minimal stirring – less is better, but I won’t judge.

Take the pan off the heat  and allow to cool for half an hour, in which time sterilise some jars.

After the half hour the jam should have started to thicken and be suspending the flecks throughout the mixture. Decant into the jars, seal tightly and allow to cool.

Refrigerate after opening.

 

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Meryl Streeped Fruits

Condiment, Dessert, Sauce, Side, Snack

The festive season is right around the corner and more importantly, our festive spectacular commences on Monday however being festive as fuck, we just knew that we had to catch up with our girl Meryl before we get blackout drunk and put on 50kgs.

For anyone desperate to claim fame for themselves by befriending and swindling celebrities (like how we originally started, now we’re indifferent to our fame/infamy), Meryl is your white whale; thrice awarded by The Academy, one time love interest to Rick Springfield and Allison Janney and lucky enough to have starred opposite the incomparable Roseanne Barr.

Plus she is so talented, that you couldn’t even tell that she was in excruciating pain listening to Pierce screech in Mamma Mia!

Meryl is a global treasure and the greatest thing to happen to the thespian community ever (well until my film debut in the film adaptation of my Tony Award winning Little Whorephan Andy: The Musical) and we are so honoured to be able to call her our friend.

We first met Meryl in rehab while she was researching her role in Postcards from the Edge – thanks to our advice, Mez was lucky enough to earn her ninth Academy Award nomination and our relationship was cemented by her eternal thanks. She didn’t realise it at the time but we had also inspired our girl Carrie to write Postcards from the Edge while in rehab together, giving us unparalleled perspective on the characters, as they were based on our numerous personalities.

Throughout the years, Meryl has stood by us; supporting us when we were in and out of jail/rehab/anger management, helping connect us with countless friends to help get our stories on the silver screen and letting us hang with her hundreds of awards, despite the fact we generally put them on eBay.

We haven’t seen Meryl in about a year due to the post traumatic stress disorder we got from watching the sixteen hour song that opened her rare flop, Into the Woods. (Seriously though, just get in the fucking woods and stop running your mouths). But Christmas is the time for forgiving and forgetting, and we are so glad Meryl was willing to drop by and help us with this year’s edible gift Meryl Streeped Fruits … and to move past the trauma.

 

Meryl Streeped Fruits_1

 

Meryl is so down to earth and is a live wire, meaning her namesake needed to be something boozy, fun, earthy and little bit wild.

Trust us, this fits the bill – enjoy!

 

Meryl Streeped Fruits_2

 

Meryl Streeped Fruits
Makes: Enough to fill a 500ml jar.

Ingredients
250g mixed dried fruit, I went with cherries, craisins, currants and raisins
250ml Grand Marnier, plus an extra 100ml

Method
Sterilise your jar/s – the dishwasher is probably your easiest route.

Once they have cooled, place the fruit in the jar and top with the 250ml of Grand Marnier. Seal the jars tightly and place in a cool dark place to steep for about four-five days.

The fruit, like me, will gobble up most of the booze so top it up with the extra Grand Marnier if needed after this time.

Then you’re free to go all Oprah and your loved ones. YOU get a jar! YOU get a jar! YOU get a jar!

We’re going to get BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZZZZZYYYYYY!

Oh and if your filling multiple smaller jars, just spread your fruit and booze evenly amongst the jars. Yes, it is obvious and I’m sure you could figure that out – but what if you couldn’t?

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.