Previously on Global All Stars the dolls were tasked with reviewing census data on the way to forming Global Girl Groups. Everyone, thankfully, was allowed to write verses in their mother tongue, because that would have been completely unfair. Soa and Kween were super confident given they won the Girl Groups challenge on their original season, while Kitty was hoping to finally live up to her potential given she made her name in a literal Girl Group. We know that could have gone either way in the world of Drag Race, but luckily for her, Kitty owned the challenge from start to finish and took out victory. In Untucked, Nehellenia felt everyone was attacking her and telling her she wasn’t good enough while riling up her sisters, when she wouldn’t actually say who felt that way. Ultimately Miranda and Vanity landed in the bottom, with sweet Miranda sent home.

Backstage Vanity was grateful to have survived the lip sync, but sad for the delightful Miranda. To her credit, Vanity agreed that she was the weakest in her team, though pointed out that any of Alyssa’s back-up dancers should have been in the bottom with Miranda instead. Or even Alyssa, given she is the one that did choreography that her sisters couldn’t handle and yas, queen, give us drama, mama!

The next day the energy was far more jovial with Kitty thrilled to have a victory under her belt, particularly since she won more money than Krystal did for winning their OG season. After briefly touching on Vanity’s killer lip sync – her last of the season, allegedly – Alyssa brought things back to Nehellenia’s Untucked tantrum with her awkwardly staying quiet, before apologising for sharing her feelings. Kween explained to Nehellenia that she felt like she and Kitty weren’t able to talk about their own positive critiques due to her drama, and that is why she was so frustrated.

Once again the Ru-larm interrupted what was bound to be an epic Alyssa monologue, as Ru arrived to open the international biblioteca. Because reading is what? Fundamental. Tessa was up first, giving cute and topical, before Pythia was read by Alyssa while she tried to read her. Nehellenia vowed to never watch Tessa’s season, Vanity begged Tessa to shut up and then bombed badly, Kitty meanwhile was hilarious. Full stop. Kween was savage, Alyssa was hilarious, Gala was brutal, Eva was cute, while Soa was iconic and energetic. Rightfully, though, victory went to Kitty because she is nothing if not a shady doll. Pushing her into the role of frontrunner, according to her.

With that out of the way, Ru announced that for this week’s Maxi Challenge, they would be starring in Boobified – drag doll Barbie – movie shequels.  The Pit Crew arrived to help decide teams as the dolls picked their films out of his pink, furry box. Tessa landed on Frankenboobie alongside Vanity, Gala and Eva, Pythia, Nehellenia and Soa were starring in Boobies Of The Caribbean, while Kitty, Kween and Alyssa were cast in Jurassic Boobie.

The dolls split into their teams to read through the scripts with Team Tessa calmly grabbing roles, with Vanity and Gala rocking off for the final role. And while Vanity didn’t get the role of Weird Boobie, she vowed to slay nonetheless, given she needs to prove herself after her bottom two and bomb in the reading challenge combo. While Eva started to panic she was only in the last scene and as such, needed to stand out. Over in Team Caribbean, Soa was thrilled to lean into her heritage with the trio calmly dividing the roles and preparing to have fun motorboating. Which is a cultural thing Nehellenia is only learning. Meanwhile at Jurassic Boobie, Alyssa felt typecast as the older girl, while Kween related to the T-Rex role leaving Kitty as the Laura Dern.

Team Purple were first up to film with Michelle and Jamal with Tessa serving drama, as is her way, Gala was cute and silly, while Vanity pushed through her nerves to deliver madness while Eva struggled to find her bitchy Karen. Boobies of the Caribbean was demented and slutty from start to finish, as Nehellenia embraced her lisp for comedic effect, Pythia walked that fucking duck instead of plank while Soa had her sword stroked. Wrapping up the shoot, Jurassic Boobie was glorious from start to finish as Alyssa gave rando accent and was hilariously iconic as she always is – do wah, do wah – while Kween relished being a big ol’ bitch. Before Kitty snapped the giant blow dryer prop.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone feeling rather confident in their performance, with Alyssa grateful to make it through the shoot without flubbing her lines. Eva meanwhile cheeked in with Pythia, asking what the political climate is like in Canada. She opened up about how progressive it is, however felt growing up in Greece was truly terrifying. She spoke about how she had a falling out with her parents before Canada’s Drag Race, but she secretly went on the show and her parents watching helped them understand and improve their relationship. Gala on the other hand spoke about the disparity in Mexico, with the urban areas very progressive, over the climate was far less kind in outer states.

Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by style superstar Carson Kressley as Tessa opened the Brown Town runway giving fashion ABBA by way of delivering for UPS. Gala looked like a beast from Mad Max, Vanity was golden glamour in honour of the winner of her season, Eva gave prehistoric fashion, Pythia was her ice age sister, Nehellenia was perfection as a violin, Soa gave William Dorsey Swann and looked gorgeous. Alyssa gave clockwork Kansas steampunk realness, Kitty was living her Kardashian realness while Kween closed the show serving Pasifika warrior realness.

When it came to their movie trailers, Team Frankenboobie were cute and camp, Team Boobies of the Caribbean were oh so silly and gloriously fun, before Jurassic Boobie stole the damn show with Kween thriving and living her best life as a demented doll-dinosaur. Rightfully, Jurassic Boobie were declared the winners with Kween singled out as the best of the best before they were all sent backstage to untuck. After assuring the dolls they were all great this week, Tessa was praised for taking risks and having fun. Gala got her flowers for letting going and was praised for looking glorious on the runway despite there being a lot going on. Vanity was deemed the best of her group, while Eva was read for kinda getting lost in the performance. Pythia was praised for embracing the silliness, Nehellenia was beloved for everything while Soa was praised for constantly surprising the judges.

Backstage the Ru girls were thrilled to remain in the top, as Kween thanked them for having fun and making the challenge a joy. Talk turned to who would be in the bottom this week, with everyone agreeing on Eva but unsure of who in her team would be joining them. The bottoms made their way backstage with Soa opening up about feeling emotional despite getting generally strong critiques. Vanity was worried she would be in the bottom again, not wanting to spend the season in her head like in her OG run. Gala was feeling good, despite being read for giving too much in the look. While Eva was aware she was clearly in the bottom, so disappeared to prepare for the lip sync.

On the mainstage Ru reminded them they all did good this week before declaring Eva and Gala as the bottom two, sending the rest of the dolls to safety. And this too was a show. As Take On Me by A-Ha kicked off – this time minus Gigi’s attempted cheating towards a crown – Eva was gorgeous and hit every note. Gala meanwhile gave silly, camp fun and was clearly not interested in going home. And despite a wig reveal from Eva and some of the 80s finest moves, Gala’s emotion and stunts guaranteed her another week, as poor Eva found herself exiting.

As soon as she stepped off stage, I gave my best rice-cooker-not-plugged-in scream and pulled her in for a massive hug. Despite being such an early boot, there is no denying that Eva, like her sister Marina, is a bonafide star and more than worthy of a crown. But alas, the international queens tragically don’t appear to be faring well this season, and as such, she had to settle with an Eva Le Queen’s Cocktail while she waits.

While I never got to share it with you all previously, I was a dear friend of Liz II’s, may she rest in peace. And since I’ve given up using time travel – the TV show Loki scared me off fucking with it further – I figured she wouldn’t mind me pouring won out for a fellow queen.

Enjoy!

Eva Le Queen’s Cocktail
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
60ml dubonnet
30ml gin
ice
1 lemon wedge

Method
Pour the dubonnet and gin in a shaker and stir until well combined.

Pop the ice in a glass, add the lemon wedge and pour the cocktail over. Then down, and repeat, as required.


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