As Shane Gould is hurtling Australian Survivor towards a conclusion not to be fucked with, Jiffy Pop and the gang are returning to our screens for a season of biblical proportions.

No, gay Jesus JVN is not on the cast – though could you believe? – the yanks have taken our Champions vs. Contenders theme and raised us the Old Testament for a battle between Davids and Goliaths.

Does the name sound like Survivor as jumped the shark? Yes. Did Ghost Island kinda suck? Sure. Am I annoyed Survivor blurs nude scenes while Australian Survivor doesn’t? Abso-fucking-lutely. But when Probst asked me to swing by Fiji and help commiserate his castaways, I can’t bring myself to say no.

So buckle in, because we’ve got a first boot joining us on Saturday. Who do you think it’ll be?

Image source: Monty Brinton/CBS.

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