Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

Not so sloppy second chances

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Ben and I have some stellar news – we are packing our glitziest sampots and jetting off to the set of Survivor: Second Chance!

Probst has campaigned for years to change the eligibility rules to allow us to compete in Survivor. While he hasn’t been successful (yet), this year he has finally managed to throw us a bone (albeit not the one we had hoped for) by inviting us to prepare consolation meals for the bootees of season 31.

Getting in the spirit of this year’s publicly voted cast, we thought it best to share our brilliant recipe ideas so that you can swing a vote behind your favourite on the CBS site. We guess you can also vote for your favourite castaways?

Picture source: CBS.

Rosemary’s Food-Baby

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

What a surprise we got over the weekend! Mia Farrow gave us a call to congratulate us on our savvy business acumen in utilising our connections to reclaim fame and obviously, wanted in on the action/to help us celebrate our achievements.

We first met Mia while auditioning for The Sound of Music (she Leisel, Annelie Gretl and me Marta) and remained close throughout the years (even after I seduced Frank Sinatra) until we lost contact during the mid-nineties after playing an advisory role on the film Love and Betrayal: The Mia Farrow Story (needless to say, she wasn’t thrilled).

Years past and we reconnected with Mia while acting as Alumni-Mentors to her son Ronan during his time at Yale and explained why we involved ourselves with the terrible bio-pic, and worse, Patsy Kensit (we had drugs to buy and then rehab bills to pay, obviously) and have endeavoured to stay on her good side ever since.

What says thanks for wanting to congratulate us on almost achieving (and just noticing) our upcoming milestone?

Picture source: Robin Marchant/Getty Images.

Cathy, we’re coming!

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

As you no doubt would have expected, Ben and I were first on the ‘to call’ list of Cathy Mids, also occasionally referred to as Her Highness, the Duchess of Cambridge, when her adorable new sprog finally appeared.

Ben and Cath go way back to their former St Andrew’s student modelling days – Ben was originally first choice to wear that dress but unfortunately forgot to wear underwear that particular day (accidentally on purpose).

We have just landed in London and will be whipping up a treat worthy of a princess. What can we make that says ‘welcome to a life of privilege?’

Picture source: hellomagazine.com

Celebrifriends: Age of Hard-On

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

It would come as no surprise to anyone, that we became close with Robert Downey Jr while on a stint in rehab.

We met on the set of Less Than Zero (the same place we met our dear friend Jami Gertz) where Annelie was part of McCarthy’s entourage and I was hired to advise RDJ (obvs, that is what we call him) on how to be a street hustler.

We became close, despite some unpleasantness following when I tried to convince him to go method for the sex scenes, after he helped us when we wound up in rehab together.

RDJ has long respected our opinions and nerd credentials and as such, wanted to drop by for our opinion on the new Avengers.

What says your acting can still take my breath away and your beauty can still assemble something in my pants?

Picture source: WENN.com.

Here’s the story

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

During our dear friend Mo’s time in the South African, quote-unquote, jungle we took over the role of informing her fellow Brady Kids as to what she was getting up to (they hadn’t heard of a VPN) and enforcing their support in voting for her.

Being a huge fan of reality TV, Christopher Knight was crucial in helping us (almost) get Maureen into the finals … similar to how we helped him out when he and Adrianne broke up.

That is another story for another time.

Anyway, with our renewed closeness we invited Chris over to celebrate our job well done. (Thanks for all the help Susan, probs won’t be seeing you at the see-saw).

What to make, what to (not) bake?

Picture source: ABC Photo Archives/ABC via Getty Images.

Beaming up my Scotty

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Picture it: Tweed Heads, 2008. Annelie and I were on the run from the law (and another scandal) after being pulled over by the police/RBT cameras. Thanks to our close friendships with Bear Grylls, Christopher McCandless and Aron Ralston we were able to survive in the bush for three weeks before stumbling upon the set of I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here where we met George Takei.

Seeing we were clearly in distress, George hid us from the cameras and took care of us until we were well enough to return to the world and again, go to rehab.

We have been close with George ever since and he is actually the reason we invented time-travel (he turned down all of my advances due to his husband, so I had to travel back in time for a mind blowing night on his enterprise).

George gave us a call over the weekend as he wanted to share something with us. Needless to say, I’ve got a (not-even) short list of things he will share with me and my hopes are very high.

What says thank you for your kindness, support, loyal friendship and that one wild night at Shatner’s pool party in the 70s?

Actually screw being coy, what says oh my, can you tak my ei, again?

Picture source: Unknown.

Dancing through life

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Since we have caught up with her husband Ice and neighbour Megsy Ryan in recent months, it was only appropriate that we give our old dance pal Coco Austin a buzz and see if she wanted to reminisce about the old days.

As you know, we have known Coco since our time as choreographers, when we found elite dance troupe, Jazz in your Face but we didn’t mention that Annelie is actually the one that introduced Ice and Coco.

Cokes was thrilled to get our call and is very interested in taking the story of our dance lives to Broadway. Needless to say, we all smell Tonys in our near future.

What says lets get our creative juices flowing and get the T of our respective EGOTs?

Picture source: Unknown.

The 11th Annual Easter Meggstravaganza

Easter Meggstravaganza, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

For the last ten years, Annelie and I have been catching up with Meg Ryan around Easter in an effort to breathe new life into our fading careers.

You see Meg had just bombed in the shamefully Oscar-and-audience-snubbed Against the Ropes and we had just been sent back to court ordered rehab in Malibu (we had declared bankruptcy, were homeless and committed a crime to wind up at our home away from home Promises).

Following the bomb/exiting rehab, we all caught up in Palm Springs and went on a peyote triggering vision quest that foretold our return to fame and glory if we performed an annual worship of eggs, lining up with lunar cycles in March/April.

It was a ridiculously specific vision quest and, don’t mean to blow our own trumpets, clearly worked for us. Being scared to lose our fame and wanting to help Meg find redemption, we will continue on with our (now 11th) Annual Easter Meggstravaganza.

Now to line up the remaining ingredients for the ritual; a struggling musician, a successful TV star, a shockingly-still-living legend and, of course, a hero. How do we choose the vital players?

Picture source: Screenshot of The Simpsons Movie.

Style, flair and finally (t)here

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

You all know that we spent some time working with the flashy girl who worked in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens (where my feud with Shaughnessy commenced), but we never got into the details of our close, unshakeable bond with Benjamin “Brighton the Titan” Salisbury.

We first connected as a threesome (an albeit G rated one) when we joined Shaughnessy feud forces and founded The Nanny’s AB not C club, where anyone with a name starting with C was banned. While most people felt it was inappropriate and bullying, it kept us away from Charles and we didn’t care.

Ben is in town for the club’s AGM, where we spend the day drinking and bitching mercilessly about Chuck the fuck, so we decided to make a week of it and celebrate the 22 years of our friendship.

What says we may have been united by mutual loathing but your friendship over the last two decades has meant the world to us?

Shit, when did we get so sentimental? Mutual rage really bonds, I guess.

Picture source: Unknown.

What’s in a nickname aka the saga of Sugar Tits

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

We disassociated ourselves from our friend Mel during his tumultuous years. It wasn’t the kindest thing to do, but with our criminal past in Hollywood, we felt it best to stay away from bad influences when we were trying to piece our lives back together.

Plus, Sugar Tits is his pet name for us and using it on someone else is abhorrent…and a kick to our self-esteem.

Mel has worked hard to pull himself back up and we have a killer idea for a Bird on a Wire sequel, so thought we should catch-up and see if we can give him a hand getting his career back on track.

What says we would be perfect to play the twin children of you and Goldie in future Academy Award winning, Bird on a Wire 2: Rise of the Flock?

Picture source: Dan Steinberg/Invision/AP.