Gnokylie Evans

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2016), Main

Previously on Australian Survivor, the editors finally made Nick likeable again just in time for the ‘good guys’ to convince his alliance to slit his throat, while they – the people who have never seen an episode of Survivor – lived to see another day and fight the good fight.

Sam, you’re meant to be hot and I should forgive you, but you’re not and I’m now annoyed by you. Lee, you’re hot so I’ll suffer through this with you. Anyway, the editors have opted to return Matt to the realm of the likeable meaning he is likely out by the end of the episode.

After tribal, Kylie finally lost the last shred of respect I had for her while grovelling to the cool girls – who let’s admit are playing hard and deserve to win if they make it to the end – while Brooke continued to play low key, downplaying tribal and trying to move forward and throw the attention off her.

The next day JL returned to the tribe after a seven week absence to comfort Matt after he was told he was on the bottom the day before – how that is a bad thing, i’ll never know. Matt continued his assault on my heart though, making me even sadder that he is likely going home at the end of the episode. Right?

Flick then escorted Queen Sue down to the shore to wash the pans and convince her that the truth from Nick’s tribal, was a lie. While Sue clearly saw it was bullshit, she played along and adopted the Sandra Diaz-Twine strategy. While it isn’t as big of a move as the ads had us believe, it is a successful one.

Again, Sue. Queen. YAS.

Brooke and Flick then went for a walk – which I would mock given they were called out for being so close, however their competition doesn’t seem to be very aware of anything so what do they have to lose? – discussing the merits of cutting Matt or Kylie’s throats.

Queen Sue then stated the obvious to the tribe, saying that Nick finally made everyone extremely paranoid leading to another emotional Matt monologue, making me even more anxious for his safety.

The tribe then arrived at immunity where I was about to say JL had returned to the game, already forgetting she returned ten minutes ago.

As an aside, can we just reiterate that JoJo wears a tee to challenges but a button through at tribal? It is like my nephew dressing up for Christmas Day and I love it. Give him a side part, and I’ll buy this kid some Lego for being so adorable.

Anyway, there was a whole lot of balancing, suspended ladders and ball play, because this is Survivor and the challenges are legally required to seem smutty. After a tough battle, shockingly coming down to three women, JL proved skilled with her balls and won immunity while Matt, Sue, Flick and Lee were sent to exile islandbeach until tribal council.

While sending almost half the tribe away to exile makes it kind of redundant, we were treated to double the scrambling … so win for the audience?

Over on exile, they were offered the chance of finding a hidden immunity idol however listened to Flick – who is in charge and safe – to not look for it, before locking in the vote for Matt. Well, two of them at least. Meanwhile back at camp, Brooke pushed to lock in the vote for Kylie. While Kylie, obviously, believes Sue is going home. And Matt believes he is going home, heartbreak.

Thankfully we arrive at tribal council – where Nick was looking very skinny on the jury and Sam, I assume, kept cursing him in parseltongue for being a snake – where JoJo could ask some aggressively leading questions to clear up what is happening and to call out Flick’s cover. Kylie was loving Flick’s story that the majority was progressing together, while Sue tried to play the middle with a non-committal response and poor Matt was forced to rehash the fact that he just wants to be loved.

Is that too much to ask?

Kylie then went in hard on believing in the people she trusted meaning, obviously, she was the next person heading to the jury … thankfully saving Matt 2.0.

As you’ve probably guessed, I first connected with Kyls whilst completing basic training. Is that a fire fighting thing? I have no idea on account of being quickly fired, no pun intended, from the fire service for my debilitating drug habit.

While Kylie had zero game for the latter half of the season, she did take me under her wing while I was struggling, meaning I well and truly owed her a big batch of my Gnokylie Evans as she made her way to – shudder – the jury villa. #Pounderosa for life.




Full disclosure, I hate – because I suck at it – making gnocchi. Hate, hate, hate-ity, hate. It probably has a lot to do with the fact I’ve burnt my hands every time I’ve attempted it because I forgot it is a long process and end up trying to form the dough with searing hot potato.

I bet you’re thinking, why the fuck did this guy think a food blog was a good idea? Relax – I can cook, sometimes, when I’m not making moronic choices.

Choices, you know?

Anyway, I trust Valli Little with my life – whether she knows it/me or not – so have used her gnocchi recipe and it works, without burning the skin from your hands if the instructions are followed. Enjoy!




Gnokylie Evans
Serves: 6 normal people, 4 in my house.

1.5 kg floury potatoes, peeled and chopped into a generous dice (larger pieces, less water absorbed)
large pinch freshly grated nutmeg
2 eggs, beaten
350g plain flour, plus extra to dust
250g pancetta, roughly chopped
2 garlic cloves, chopped
500ml double cream
zest of a lemon
1 tsp chilli flakes, optional
1 cup frozen peas, defrosted and drained
shaved parmesan, to serve

With that, place the potatoes in a pan of cold water – this is important – bring to the boil and cook until just tender. Drain the potatoes, return to the pan and cook over low heat, stirring, for a minute or two to ensure they are dry husks aka without moisture.

Allow to cool. Say it with me and remind me if you ever hear me mention gnocchi, allow to cool completely.

Pass through a ricer or mash aggressively until smooth and your rage sorted. Add a pinch of nutmeg, eggs, a pinch of salt and flour and gently bring together with your hands. Emphasis on gentle, the dough is like shortcrust pastry – you want to work it only as much as you need to.

Once it has come together, dust the bench and your hands with flour and take about a quarter of the dough, roll into a 1.5cm thick log. Slice into 2cm lengths, use the back of a fork to roll the gnocchi to give you the imprint – press the fork down into the length and pull towards you – and place on a floured baking sheet to rest. Repeat the process until all done and allow to rest for an hour or so.

Bring a large pot of salted water to the boil.

Meanwhile heat a large pot over high heat and fry the pancetta until crisp, add the garlic and cook for a minute. Reduce heat to low, stir through the cream, lemon, chilli (if you’re partaking) and cook for about five minutes. Add the peas and cook for a further minute or two. Turn off the pan but keep on the heat.

Cook the gnocchi in batches until they rise to the surface, remove with a slotted spoon to a colander and repeat until they’re done.

Once they’ve drained completely, stir through the creamy sauce and serve, generously topped with parmesan. Devour.

Also yes, the parmesan looks crap – the shop was out of shaved and I am lazy, ok shady ladies of the Drag Race Reddit?


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