Previously on Australian Survivor, we continued to be told there were divisions in the tribe only for the alliance to stick together and boot our latest queen JL, leaving Kristie as our last remaining hope.
Thankfully the tribe arrived back at camp where my JL’s comments finally seemed to be making headway, with Flick starting to seriously talk about turning on her allies. Could today be our lucky day? Could it?! An episode with actual gameplay, where people don’t just ride out their time accepting the status quo?!
They awoke the next morning with Flick still seething, immediately making her my second favourite person as she talks about turning on Brooke. TBH, how Flick hasn’t been my favourite thus far given her killer deathies is beyond me.
Queen Kristie then dropped by to remind me why, giving a kookie confessional and clearly articulating her game while channelling Crazy Eyes.
Wanting to give me some excitement for when the alliance doesn’t splinter, JLP arrived for the reward challenge which required the boneheaded men to stand shirtless and flex their pecs. I zoned out on some nip and before I knew it, Dim Sam won reward and opted to share his reward – a bed – with Lee.
Boys, you sure know how to win me back! Brooke, however, wasn’t as titillated.
Matt and Brooke then watched as the boys tried out their bed, played around with their skimpy new undies and spooned. I used to hate them for being stupid and so-dominant-that-the-game-was-boring respectively, now I hate them as I wish I was them watching that.
While the boys relaxed post coitus – let me dream – Brooke then got in on the flipping act and pulled Flick aside to discuss voting out Lee and El. Anywho, Brooke then made her riskiest move of the game and spoke to Sam about voting off his lover or El. Sam, surprisingly, made the smart point that booting El was the best option, as Lee would still be around to take the target off them.
That or he’d turn on them. I’m just proud that Sam seems to be thinking. Or just trying to keep his snuggle buddy – which if that is the case, I’m ok.
Not wanting to be outdone, Flick went back into attack mode and approached El about blindsiding Brooke which would actually be a major blindside and the thought makes me so happy. Like Craig and Phoebe still being here, happy.
Lee then gave us an amazing filler clip, modelling his new jocks while Sam spoke wistfully about not wanting to break up their relationship before they stripped off and got into bed together. They then gave each other permission to pursue other options. Seriously, this isn’t even my erotic novelisation of the episode – THIS IS HAPPENING.
Imaging if Kengel was here?!
Jealous El then whisked Lee away to break the news that the man he just woke up next to and Brooke were planning on taking him out, making him invoke his favourite word mateship like he is Mel Gibson in Gallipoli. Thankfully he reminded himself that this is a game that only one person can win, jumped on board and went to Queen Kristie to secure the numbers. Obvs, she was keen.
The editors can’t be leading me that far astray right? Something is actually happening tonight?!
We finally arrived at the immunity challenge where Sam gloated about bedding my man and Brooke was cocky about winning again. Thankfully JLP then introduced what is quite possibly the hardest house of cards challenge, with the stacks having to be built on a rotating platform they had to told steady with a rope. Continuing in the episode’s tradition of the men finally competing, Lee won the challenge, foiling Brooke’s plan in the process.
The tribe returned to camp where they actually commenced scrambling again, with Flick relishing her role as the swing vote, Brooke confident the jury would love watching El get voted out before Matt got scared Flick was playing them and then arrogant that El would be going. The OG Aganoans then went for a walk to discuss the chances of Flick actually voting with them before rehearsing for tribal council and how to hide their blindside from LaPaglia.
We finally arrived at tribal where JoJo worked hard to test Lee’s rehearsal before Brooke threw herself under the bus with her brutal talk. Flick continued to well and truly win me back over, while Matt continued to be a snivelling fail, El was sick of beating around the bush and Kristie was just glad that she didn’t have friends so they couldn’t turn on her.
Everyone was confident heading into the vote where the impossible happened, the alliance cracked and my dear friend Brooke – we’re both v. important in the social media world, remember when I went viral? – was blindsided.
While I’ve had a lot to say – quite aggressively – about how boring the last few episodes have been, it truly came down to how dominantly Brooke was playing the game – she kept her numbers tight and sadly, the boots obvious.
So yes, I’ve been angry with her for my boredom’s sake, but I still welcomed her to the Jury Villa with open arms – hiding my joy that someone else started to play the game – and a plate full of my famous Brookechetta Jowett.
Like the feeling you get when you watch an episode with actual strategy after suffering through a series of obvious boots, bruschetta is a beautiful palate cleanser. Fresh, a little tart, sweet and crunchy, it is the perfect argument for why toast – which let’s be honest, this is – should never be discounted.
Kind of like Kristie – enjoy!
6 very ripe roma tomatoes
¼ cup basil leaves
2 tsp champagne vinegar
¼ teaspoon caster sugar
loaf of sourdough, sliced into thick slices
2 garlic cloves
Salt and pepper
Cut the ends off the tomatoes, squeeze out the pips and roughly chop into a small dice – trust your judgement / personal preferences on the size.
Mix the tomato, basil, vinegar and sugar in a small bowl with a tablespoon of oil. Season generously and leave to stew.
Meanwhile toast all of the bread – either under the grill or obviously in the toaster. As soon as it toasted to your preferences, slice the cloves of garlic in half and rub the open side onto the toast and drizzle lightly with oil.
Spoon the tomato mixture on top. Devour.