All Our Friends Are Coming to Brisbane

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

For two antisocial people, our phones sure do seem to ring off the hook!

Benjamin Law gave us a call over the weekend to drop by for lunch while he is in town seeing family…or something. We are both antisocial and have terrible attention spans.

Ben and I first met Benjamin (who for the sake of confusion we will refer to as Ben) at different times, but because of the same series of events. You see, Ben sees Ben as a literary hero and developed the belief that by laying his head where Ben lays his head, he would absorb some greatness.

Ben came home from work one day to find Ben in his bed, madly rubbing his head into his pillow chanting “make me write goooo-ooood” like he was our close friend Halle Berry in Monster’s Ball.

(Side note: It didn’t work, clearly).

Ben being kind, generous and filled with pity called the first unlucky person in Ben’s phone (me), instead of alerting the police.

What says thanks for not alerting the police to our criminal attempts to absorb your greatness and politely returning all of our calls when Ben wanted to “catch-up” until he (evidently) Stockholm syndrome-d you into friendship?

Picture source: @mrbenjaminlaw/Twitter.

Out of the storm

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Halle Berry gave us a call on the weekend, reminded of the time we jumped in front of her car and caused an accident, by our catch-up with Lisa. (Yes, Halle was the unnamed actress we were planning to scam).

After our stint in rehab (following our arrests and the attempted scam on Halle) and at the encouragement of our LA based mother-figures Lisa and Zsas, we connected with Halle as part of the making amends step of our program and we charmed the pants off her.

Figuratively, not literally.

What says, we tried to scam you out of your pre-Oscar millions and forced your car into the path of another car which led to you being fined for fleeing the scene of a crime and that we are thankful you forgave and befriended us?

Picture source: Jason Merritt/Getty Images.

The Real Catch-Ups of Brisbane

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

We first met Lisa when she witnessed us getting run over by an unnamed actress and she took us in and aided in our recovery (we were Cedric before Cedric).

What Lisa didn’t know at the time, was that we were in our grifter period and had thrown ourselves in front of the car for a million-dollar paycheck.

After a time of ugliness following the truth coming out, Lisa extended an olive branch knowing that we were young, stupid and in search of a life of diamonds and rosé.

And Lisa can’t help herself when it comes to helping those she cares about.

She gave us a buzz wanting to catch up for Thanksgiving while she was in town. What says thank you for seeing past our flaws to offer us your love, support and guidance?

Picture source: Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo.

Donna Martin breakfast date

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

It seems word spreads pretty quickly when you catch up with one of the BH Crew.

Torz called us the other day and sounded really down, what with her marriage woes and the axing of her and Jen’s comeback series it is understandable, and needed two of her closest confidantes (we still assume she wants to ride our latest wave of fame, but she is down so we will help).

She is flying in late and spending a few days so we will need something for her first breakfast that gives her back that fire and helps her rebuild.

What says, your heart is true, you’re a pal and a confidante? Where we lead, you can follow? You will get by with a little help from your friends?

Hang on, I’ve reverted to (theme) song lyrics.

Picture source: People.

Let’s have a little fun, this week

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

What a blast from the past it was to hear from Ellen today!

Annelie and I first met Ellen when she was taking a lunch break during the recording of her role in Finding Nemo. We had just failed our auditions for Nemo and the flock of seagulls respectively, so decided it best to focus on our dance troupe Jazz in your Face; Ellen spotted us in the car-park and was impressed by our impromptu performance.

Having only been witness to half of Jazz in your Face’s dance majesty, Ellen kindly invited us to perform on her then-upcoming talk show. The routine lead to a record breaking number of complaints for inappropriate behaviour and thousands of dollars in fines for Ellen.

What says sorry we cost you so much money and nearly ruined your reputation as a talk-show host…and risked you being thrown off air in your first season?

Picture source: ABC News.

Dinner, darling?

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Annelie and I got the surprise of our lives this morning when Zsa Zsa’s people called to tee-up a dinner date.

Don’t get me wrong, we love Zsa Zsa and think of her like family, we just kind of forgot she was still alive…so thankfully she wanted to catch-up before she…wasn’t (although with our invention of time-travel, that probably wouldn’t matter).

We first connected with Gabor in a Beverly Hills jail; Zsas was accused of slapping a cop, I was charged with causing a scene and assaulting a mannequin that I thought was my nemesis Kim Cattrall in Badgley Mischka (it was a big mistake) and Annelie turned herself in for public indecency and lewd behaviour when the police failed to notice her flashing across the road from Zsa Zsa’s arrest.

What do you make for the elderly woman that noticed your cries for help, took you in and cared for you as her own when rehab failed (I was addicted to caffeine pills and shooting glucose syrup into my eyeballs, Annelie was addicted to Twinkies and snorting icing sugar) and Hollywood turned its back on you?

Kissing and making up

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

I think we have created a monster!

Claire got wind of the dinner parties we hosted for Kim, Sean and Luke and begged us to forget our feud and have her over like we did during the good times we shared during our friendship.

We agreed but were left not just wondering what to make for our celebrity friend, but what to make for the celebrity friend that we lost contact/fought with after the Billy Crudup/Mary-Louise Parker pregnancy/break-up fiasco of 2003.

What says, we have moved on from your role in that cad abandoning our dear friend MLP while she was pregnant and are ready to move forward and remember the good times when we worked on Romeo + Juliet (our scenes, though masterfully acted, were cut. A plague on your house Baz)?

 

Da na na na, da na na na

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

We used to run in the same circles as the cast of the original 90210. They were looking at doing a Gold Coast spin-off starring us but the backdoor pilot fell through after I had a run in with Shannen Doherty and Ben had some awkwardness with Luke Perry.

Full disclosure, Ben had/has a massive crush on Luke Perry and the back-door pilot was meant to be filmed after the episode with Dylan in the shower. Ben became overwhelmed on set and it was never filmed or mentioned ever again.

It is funny what our resurgent fame has done for some relationships with our old friends. No longer is Luke trying to whack Ben, for trying to whack him o…never mind.

What says cool, sexy…and lets see where this goes?

Starkers at lunch

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

It is funny, you catch up with one celebrity friend and all of your old friends start coming out of the woodwork.

Barely five minutes after we posted about our catch-up with Kim Carnes last week, Sean Bean emailed us asking if we could fit him in for a light lunch too.

We lost contact with Sean after our work on the Lord of the Rings; Ben was fired for trying to bump his role of ‘Shortest Hobbit #3’ up to a speaking part (don’t get him started) and I left the production in a move of naive solidarity.

We didn’t stop talking because we blamed Sean for not coming to our defence or anything like that! He is just a busy man that has many a death scene to film all over the globe.

What lunch option would make him lose his head?

 

Guess who’s coming to dinner

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Holy crap, she finally got back to us!

Kim Carnes is free to do dinner this week. Can you believe it?

Kim.

Carnes.

Dinner.

Us.

It has been so long since the three of us, the three amigos if you will, have had the opportunity to get together and catch up on the old times.

What the fuck do we cook for such a huge celebrity, who is also our friend?

She is precocious, and she knows just what it takes to make a pro blush.

What do you feed someone of that calibre? What is worthy of those sweet-surprise lips?