Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

Hamming it up

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Some of our catch-ups have been for reconnecting, others to help our friends back into the limelight and others have been about burying feuds (rather than hatchets into backs), this week’s catch-up feels different. More meaningful. Sexier.

Our dear friend and sometime lover, Jon Hamm gave us a call hoping to drop by and quote, un-quote “relax and relieve some stress after wrapping Mad Men.”

I will leave it up to your imagination as to what he means, God knows I am getting imaginative.

What says, thanks for…well, thanks for everything? Everything.

Picture source: Vanity Fair.

Locking in a date

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

As highly influential members of the dance world through our noted stewardship and as founders of dance troupe, Jazz in Your Face, Annelie and I have long been confidantes of Toni Basil. Well, despite that brief hiatus during our “Groupie Era” when we worked our way through all the members of Devo while she was dating Gez.

Thankfully, we moved passed the awkwardness and were able to reconnect and work together successfully choreographing for Legally Blonde, the critically acclaimed Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde and the TV Land Awards tribute to Soul Train.

It has been close to a decade since our last catch-up slash dance-fest/battle (as we have a lifetime ban at Caesars Palace and couldn’t help choreograph for Bette’s farewell show), so Toni is dropping by this week.

What dish screams we mutually inspire each other to achieve dance greatness and that we are so fine, so fine we blow people’s minds? Oh Toni. Oh Toni.

Picture source: Unknown.

Everybody loves Bacon

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Despite the rumours and well, the implication of our title, we are not hungry for fame. It is simply a hilarious play on the fact that we bake like mofos and are friends with hundreds upon hundreds of famous people.

That being said, there was a time we would do anything to be famous and that is where our next friend comes in.

When we were young ingenues in the early nineties, Kevin Bacon was doing the rounds for The River Wild boasting of his interconnectedness and within minutes, we were at his door pledging our undying allegiance.

After a couple of arrests for stalking and three incidents with his pet rabbits, he let us into his life, heart, home and we have been close ever since.

What says thanks for helping us out when we were younger (and obviously thank you to Stockholm syndrome, as without you we would not have many friends)?

Picture source: The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon/YouTube.

Oscar Gold

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, Oscar Gold

Awards season is about to reach its crescendo and over the last few weeks Annelie and I have tossing around the idea of reinstating our famous Oscars Party.

We used to co-host with Elton back in the late nineties but had a huge feud over something none of us remember or care about anymore (all we know is that we will always be the staunchest of rivals) and stopped participating in that side of the awards season.

You know, the side that raises money for charity via party.

Last week’s catch-up with Alicia reminded us of our (inevitably going to be achieved) ambition to be EGOT winners and we thought the best way to get the O (not you, Oprah…yet) rolling was to invite a bunch of our closest friends/past winners over and reminisce about our friendships.

We will also discuss any future Oscar-bait projects we could work on together.

So in honour of the season, sit back and enjoy the show. Maybe it would work if we made a film about our party, Oscar Gold? With Meryl playing both Annelie and I, obviously.

Picture source: Toby Canham/Getty Images.

Putting out the fire

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

We used to be very close friends with Alicia Keys, having guest starred as Rudy’s friends in The Cosby Show episode “Slumber Party”.

And no, not that type of slumber party. There were no pills.

I played the groundbreaking role of Rudy’s transgender friend, while Annelie her sassy side-kick and Alicia the brains of the outfit. We forged a bond instantly on set and assumed that we would collaborate forever.

Cut to 25 years later and she dumped us in favour of Jay-Z on Empire State of Mind and we thought we would never forgive her for attempting to ruin our chance at EGOT glory.

Time heals old wounds though and we have decided to take a chance on trusting again and allowing her to be our Girlfriend.

I mean, we will probably win a Grammy soon anyway.

Picture source: Unknown.

Whatever happened to predictability?

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Every Friday night during the 90s, our friend-date / Full House episode parties with Candace Cameron-Bure were so legendary that they were considering an edit to the start of the theme song.

We first met Candace Cameron-Bure while Annelie was working as a stand-in / body-double to the Olsen Twins on Full House and I was down the road acting as Mara Wilson’s PA (still the greatest job I have ever had) on the set of Mrs. Doubtfire.

Sadly we have been in a feud after an incident involving Melissa Joan Hart and Anna Chlumsky at the Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Awards in 1994 where, obviously, the police were called, buildings destroyed, charges pressed and our friendship destroyed.

After twenty-one years, Cameron-Bure reached out hoping to make amends and we felt it was time to, as Adele Dazeem said, let it go.

I hope my love of show tunes and peen doesn’t offend her like it does Kirk? This could be interesting.

Picture source: Fanpop.com

Law & Order: Sexy Catch-Ups Unit

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

As you’re aware, we decided to prioritise this year’s dates based on levels of fame and importance…as we decided that the only way to have the Hollywood Foreign Press Association waive the So-Cal residence rule for membership, was to be in with the MEGA famous.

Who would have thought future co-best friend-om with Tina/Amy wasn’t enough?

Anyway, during the course of our scientific rankings, I incorrectly identified the kid that did this as Ice-T and I knew that if we didn’t catch/butter-up our (faux) number two for support for HFPA status, Annelie would get aggressive.

Justifiably aggressive.

What says, sorry your house overlooks Meg Ryan’s/why aren’t you as talented on a washing machine/when do we vote for the Golden Globes?

Picture source: RollingStone.com.

Guess who’s back?

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

We’re baaa-aaaack! We hope you had a lovely holiday period and were able to enjoy some down time…because we didn’t.

With the resounding success of the documentation of our catch-ups (aka the blog…that you are currently reading), we spent the break fielding calls from our celebrity friends (and hangers-on from the D-List) and hosting date after date.

Yes, we love it and enjoy seeing our friends but sometimes you just want to eat two kilos of cookie dough and take a nap in front of the fridge in your underwear, you know?

Anyway with such a volume of friends wanting to catch-up, we were forced to initiate a ranking system to deem who was more important to see. As such, obviously, Lil’ Bow Wow was the top of our list.

We’ve known Lil’ Bow Wow since he was even lil’er. You see, I was cast as Jonathan Lipnicki’s stunt double in Jerry Maguire for the airport scene; one thing led to another and I was escorted off the set for a brawl that Lipnicki started.

After recovering from the altercation, Annelie (she was Tom’s stunt double) and I set about enacting our revenge on Jonathan and stalked the set of Like Mike where we met and befriended Lil’ over our mutual hatred for Lipdicki and a burning desire to bring him down.

Nothing bonds three people like a revenge plot and nothing bonds three people for life like a failed revenge plot.

What says we will get him eventually, Lil’?

Picture source: Unknown.

12 Days of Survivor Christmas

12 Days of Survivor Christmas, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

We make no secret about our love for Survivor/Jeff Probst and wish that the world would embrace Buffs as appropriate attire for all occasions, so that we can rock out our Villains Buffs to formal events.

Anyway, in our attempts to bed Probst and get on the show (in whichever order) we have ingratiated ourselves heavily in the Survivor community. Some castaways, like Penner and Sugar, we have known for sometime but others we have met by breaking into their homes and watching them sleep/tickling their feet (sorry Aras, thanks for not pressing charges).

Against all odds, or maybe because they are slightly-scared, we have become best friends with a large section of the castaway community and as such, like to spend our Christmases catching-up with them.

In honour of our intimate relationships, we decided to dedicate the blog to the Twelve Days of Survivor Christmas…as you know, we’ll be catching-up with them anyway.

What says deck our halls with your boughs of holly, Probsty?

Picture source: Today.com

A Wilde week ahead

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

I think we are at the point where we need to stop being shocked that our celebrity friends want to catch-up with us; this is now a thing and you will get to hear about our fantastic, high-flying lives as celebrity-bloggers/famous friends/founders of esteemed dance troupe Jazz in Your Face.

Stephen gave us a buzz over the weekend hoping to catch-up while on a quick winter jaunt down to the stifling heat of Brisbane to see if it was as ugly as Alain de Botton said (it kind of is, but he can decide for himself) and reconnect with his old friends.

Annelie and I have known Stephen for many years, after getting a job hanging clothes in the QI wardrobe department after we were run out of Hollywood for our varied crimes and misdemeanours. After sabotaging the QI stylist, we were promoted to the role and became confidantes to Stephen however we lost contact after our deportation following arrests for storming the set of Harry Potter and demanding roles.

What says sorry that you got stuck with a sub-par stylist on QI when we disappeared without a trace following our clandestine deportation?

Picture source: Stephen Fry.com.