DWTS

Cinnamonica Seles Apples

Condiment, Side, Snack, Sweets

Straight up, I would like to dispel your knee-jerk assumptions from earlier in the week – I was not involved in the stabbing of Monica Seles … despite being a close friend of Steffi Graf. There is no proof, so don’t even try. I mean, the glove does not fit etc.

That being said, the tragically senseless and violent crime is what led to my first meeting with Monnie. You see, I was serving a community service term as a Candy Stripper (yes, stripper) in the German hospital where she was recuperating after the attack (I was drunk and disorderly at the same tournament the previous year as part of Steffi’s entourage, when I got into a premature fight with Brooke Shields).

Anyway, being a total sports fanatic I took Monnie under my wing and acted as her chief security and support. Plus, she also had great meds which I swapped out for placebos … thus her extended break to recover.

Despite the theft of the drugs being discovered (Monnie forgave me knowing I was an addict and supported me through rehab), we’ve been the closest of friends ever since, with me ghostwriting her memoir and advising her to make fantastic career choices like her forays into television with The Nanny and DWTS.

Monnie and I hadn’t seen each other in a couple of years so it was such a delight to catch up with her and participate in my personal favourite past-time, hitting tennis balls off the roof of my building at unsuspecting pedestrians below.

Let me just say, Mon still has it!

After such rigorous exercise, we were definitely in need of some simple sugars that we could pretend were healthy – enter my Cinnamonica Seles Apples.

 

cinnamonica-seles-apples-1

 

Cinnamon and sugar as quite possibly the greatest culinary combination, with apples and walnuts being a close second. Obviously when you chuck all the keys into a bowl at the kitchen swingers party and instead end up with a flavour orgy, things can’t go wrong.

Enjoy!

 

cinnamonica-seles-apples-2

 

Cinnamonica Seles Apples
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 royal gala apples
100g walnuts, chopped
1 lemon, juiced
2 tbsp butter
⅓ cup brown sugar
½ tsp ground cinnamon

Method
Core and thickly slice apples, leaving skin on. Toss in lemon juice.

Melt butter in a non-stick pan over a medium heat, add apples and walnuts. Cook, stirring until lightly golden, about 5 minutes.

Add brown sugar and cinnamon, cook until thickened, about 2 minutes. Remove from heat and cover to keep warm.

 

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The game of deuces to set my love match

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

I’ve been so focused on Hollywood and my entertainment industry peers, that you would be forgiven for thinking that I am a one trick pony. But I’m not.

In addition to turning tricks, running scams and schemes and enjoying list on Hollywood’s A-List I am also a scholar, the brains behind all of Stephen Hawking’s works, a yogi, the Dalai Lama’s most trusted advisor, a political pundit often referred to as the democratic version of Stacey Dash but more so than anything else, I am an accomplished athlete and total sports nut.

Obviously my passion commenced as a locker-room fantasy akin to an all male version of Porky’s, but eventually I discovered I am quite the jock reaching dizzying heights of multiple sports. If there was a cent-athlon, I’d win … every time.

Given my love for overtly sexual sounds at inappropriate times, I have long been drawn to tennis … which Andy’s acclaimed turn in 7 Days in Hell reminded me. Wanting to reconnect with my roots (i’m not even touching that), I decided to give my dear friend Monica Seles a call to catch-up.

What says ahhhhh, eh, aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh, humpf, ah, ergh?

Picture source: Unknown.

 

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Nick Ciabatta Stuffing

Backstreet's back give thanks!, Side

While we have all had countless stints in rehab, we surprisingly didn’t meet our dear friend, 90s teen heart-throb Nick Carter, while receiving treatment.

It was 1990 and we were all on the set of Edward Scissorhands – I was coaching Winona to shoplift and Annelie, at the time, was Vincent Price’s lover when a young Nick Carter appeared on the set as an extra.

While Annelie and I initially felt superior to the young extra, a chance meeting while waiting for our mutual dealer on the studio backlot bonded us for life and we became inseparable.

Over the coming months, we helped foster young Nicky’s talent and encouraged him to start a boyband to rival our frenemies NKOTB (I had a messy break-up with Jonathan). I am not overstating it when I say that we are the reason for the Backstreet Boys. You’re welcome.

Nicky has had many ups and downs over the years, none lower than when he lost Hizza Duff as a future sister-in-law, but we have always stayed close to him and offered him questionable guidance, love and support.

As a finalist in Dancing with the Stars, Nick was only able to stay and celebrate Thanksgiving with us for a short time but knew that the catch-up could prove handy in defeating our soul-less teen compatriate Bindi-Sue.

Thankfully our Nick Ciabatta Stuffing was a dream to whip up – hopefully it is enough to bring Bindi (by name and nature) down.

 

Nick Ciabatta Stuffing_1

 

While Christmas is the time most people want to whip out their (chest)nuts for a roasting, there is nothing better than this rich, creamy stuffing thanks to those beautiful nuts.

So give thanks, for Nick being a babe and beautiful nuts – enjoy!

 

Nick Ciabatta Stuffing_2

 

Nick Ciabatta Stuffing
Serves: 6

Ingredients
85g butter
230g pancetta, cut into ¼ inch cubes
2 large onions, diced
2 carrots, diced
2 celery stalks, diced
3 garlic cloves, chopped
2 tablespoons fresh rosemary leaves, chopped
455g portabello mushrooms, finely diced
salt and black pepper, to taste
420g roasted, peeled chestnuts, coarsely chopped
⅔ cup parmesan cheese, grated
455g day old ciabatta bread, cut into ¾ inch cubes
1 cup chicken stock, plus more if needed
2 large eggs, beaten
¼ cup fresh Italian parsley leaves, chopped

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Melt 30g of butter in a large heavy frying pan over medium heat. Add the pancetta and sauté until crisp and golden. Transfer to a plate lined with a paper towel.

Melt the remaining butter in the pan and add the onions, carrots, celery, garlic, rosemary and mushrooms. Seasoning to taste. Sauté until the onions are soft, sweet and tender.

In a large bowl, add the sautéed vegetables, chopped chestnuts, parmesan and bread. Pour in the stock to moisten everything before adding the cooked pancetta and eggs. Season the stuffing to taste and add the parsley. Stir to completely combine all the ingredients.

Pour all of the stuffing in a large baking dish and bake until the top is golden and crisp, about 30 minutes.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.